Chapter Text
He was never first out. It didn't matter how many times his mother and I encouraged him; Myles would find a way to spend an extra five minutes sorting through his locker, an extra ten minutes to use the bathroom, and another fifteen talking to his friends. His mother, Janice, would ordinarily be the one on pick-up duty. Yet, here I was, on time, in my two-door sedan sitting on the curb of the pick-up lane at his school with my proverbial dick in my hand. Janice's father had been taken to hospital, some pneumonia-esque condition; frankly I hadn't asked or cared. Her father and I had never really quite connected. Though I suppose the unplanned premarital child that was Myles was enough of a wrench in the gears to dissuade Doug from getting close and personal with his son-in-law. Or so I became very quickly after the pregnancy anyway.
Janice had told me to arrive later; that Myles would take his sweet time. But in my ever-diminishing wisdom I had entirely forgotten and decided to show up on time like a good father. Patience is a virtue, and I was more then happy to wait, however, there was a growing line of parents behind me who had apparently never learned about virtues. I deduced this from the obnoxious choir of horns beginning to harmonise behind me.
I pulled out of the pick-up zone with half a mind to lay on the horn myself for the sheer pettiness but decided not to dig the hole any deeper. Instead I spent ten minutes burning fuel as I did lap after lap of the pick-up zone. When the initial onslaught of parents had eventually died down I returned to my original spot in the pick-up zone and waited another five minutes before Myles finally came bouncing out of the front doors.
Myles' raven-hair sprouted from his head like a mop of dishevelled threads, definitely not how we had sent him to school. His Wonder Woman t-shirt, which had been an absolute pain to find in a boys size, was partially tucked in to the waistline of his denim shorts. An emerald jacket I had never seen was barely strung over his shoulders with only his school-issued backpack keeping it in place. He was rushed. And also maybe a thief? That would be knew.
Myles bounded across the front lawn of the school before coming to an abrupt halt on the edge of the pavement. His head swivelled a couple of times, surprised.
I rolled down the passenger side window, "Hey buddy, it's me today!"
Myles' gaze jerked to me and a grin of recognition quickly followed. He jogged over and stuck his head in the door, the scent of an unwashed twelve year old flooding through the window.
"Where's Mum?" Myles asked.
"Of course Myles, I was more than happy to pick you up," I said, with absurd sincerity.
Myles rolled his eyes before correcting, "Hi Dad, thank you for picking me up from school. Where's Mum?"
"She's with your Grandpa at the hospital, he fell ill again."
"Oh."
Myles drifted off briefly.
"Are you okay buddy?" I asked.
Myles perked up, "Yeah! I'm fine."
"Okay, well put your bag in the trunk and we'll head home."
As Myles did just that, I checked my messages. Janice was going to try and stay the night at the hospital if she could. Not a great sign.
Myles jumped into the passenger seat and pulled his seat belt into place.
"Whose jacket is that?" I gestured to his over-sized garment.
"It's Bryce's."
Like I know who Bryce is.
"And who is Bryce?"
"He's a senior."
"And… this senior just gave you his jacket?"
"Yeah!" Myles seemed entirely earnest. I had once caught him trying to watch YouTube videos of a game he wasn't supposed to play. City of Vice, some Grand Theft Auto clone that had somehow become popular among pre-teens. He had tried to lie then and had ended up being very bad at it. A red-faced, stuttering, video left playing kind of lying. So if this was a lie it was one of his best.
"When it got really cold at lunch I was stuck without my jacket-"
"You left it at home?" I asked.
"Accidentally…" Myles whispered before continuing, "anyway, Bryce noticed me shivering as we were going out to lunch and the high-schoolers were coming in and said I could borrow it."
Weird. I had never known any high-schooler, least of all a senior, observant enough or caring enough to help a middle-schooler like that. There felt like there was more of a story there but I didn't want to push.
"Very well," I said, "we can wash it and send it back with you on Monday."
I pulled on my own seat belt and drove out of the school and began the short trip home. The sky was darker then when I had arrived. Late autumn was bringing in a particularly heavy week of drowsy weather.
"Are you going to ask how my day was?" Myles asked.
"I-"
"Mum normally asks as I'm getting in the car. It's honestly kind of annoying. I mean my day is always the same you know? Same classes, same people. School is school.
"Then I suppose I won't ask you."
Myles giggled. It was a quick laugh warm and sheepish.
"Maybe I could ask you some other things."
"Like what?" Myles turned slightly in his seat to face me. The change in routine was obviously exciting him a little.
"How many girlfriends do you have?"
"Da-ad," Myles drawled, a warm blush washing across his face. It was my turn to laugh.
"Okay okay, my mistake, I'll rephrase. How many boyfriends do you have?"
Myles crossed his arms and just shook his head, his blush deepening.
"Do you have a crush?" I pressed.
Silence followed for a couple of beats.
"Maybe…"
"And you're not going to tell me who it is?"
He shook his head furiously.
"At least tell me, is it a boy or girl?"
I had always tried to be as open as possible with Myles. My younger brother, Arnold, had come out when he was young and I saw first hand how awful a family can become with such news. No, I wanted Myles to be comfortable any which way.
"You don't have to if you don't want to," I added, "I'm just teasing."
"It's a boy," He said very quietly, barely after I had finished.
I let a couple of beats pass before I placed my hand above his exposed knee. His skin was smooth and carried the late afternoon chill. He bristled with tension. I gave him a couple of squeezes with what I hoped was a warm hand. His leg trembled slightly under my fingers. I stole a glance along a straight piece of road and notice the tears pooling in his eyes. I pulled over the first chance I got.
"Myles, buddy, it's okay. There is nothing wrong with liking another boy." I tried to reach up to pull him into a hug but he shirked away and hid his face toward the window.
I didn't know what to do. I thought I had done everything right. Said the right things. It must have been some little shits at his school. The one place we couldn't really control.
"Buddy, if someone at school is say-"
"It's not that," he whispered between the silent heaves he was trying to suppress.
"Myles, please. If someone is saying something I need-"
"It's not that," he repeated.
"Then what is it?" I tentatively placed my hand on his upper back, stroking my thumb back and forth. Every fibre of my being — every parental instinct one has — was screaming at me to wrap the shaking lump of a boy into my arms. Every second that passed without an answer the urge grew stronger. But he had already turned away, I had to play it cool. Every second of playing it cool sucked.
"I told Mum."
Oh.
"What happened?" I kept my hand on his back, rubbing little circles around his shoulder blades.
"She said I didn't know what I was talking about."
No.
"She said I couldn't know what I really wanted."
No no no.
"She said," no, "that it was all," no no no, "just a phase."
Goddammit.
I couldn't wait any longer. I drew Myles face around, grasping his little pointed chin gently. "Look at me." I held his cheeks and used my thumbs to brush away his tears. "Listen to me very carefully. There is not a thing wrong with you. I don't know why your mother would say that, but I don't agree."
His face, amidst the tears, was all soft flesh. Wet hazel eyes and a slender, now slightly snotty, nose framed his face in boyish charm. I began to massage his reddened cheeks as I spoke, "You are perfect, every part. And that's true if you like girls and it's true if you like boys."
Myles held my gaze for a few moments, unwilling to breathe. Then a massive swell of tears renewed as he launched himself at me. It was slightly uncomfortable in reality, with the car's console caught between us, but I didn't allow it to matter. I wrapped myself around him. His face buried itself in the crux of my left arm. I pulled the sides of him as close to me as possible, clinging to his ribs with everything in me. His body crescendoed through new tears. I made sure to absorb each shake, to hold each heave within myself. I moved one hand to the back of his head, "I have you baby. I have you."
Myles' hands around my neck tightened. He didn't let go for minutes.
"I'm sorry," He muffled into my shirt.
"Don't be. Don't ever be sorry for that."
Once he fell still I waited for him to let go first. Once he was back in his seat, albeit puffy eyed, I returned to the road. A moment passed before I noticed the still nervous tapping of his hand against his leg. I quickly clasped it tightly in mine and refused to let go until we got home.
Driving with only one hand was drawing most of my focus, but every now and again I would hear a sniffle and catch a glance at Myles. He would bounce his glance between our hands and the world sliding by outside, and then occasionally at me.
There was a question in the air. I couldn't quite pin what but I could feel Myles working up the courage, like the air itself was being weighed down by his desire to ask it.
"Do you love me more?" he asked.
Hell of a damn question. More than who? Janice? If he had asked on any other day I would've said I loved them both equally. But right now I didn't feel much love for her at all, not at least if everything Myles has said is true.
"What do you mean buddy?" I asked, mostly to stall.
"Like…" he paused for a few moments, his brow scrunching, "like, why am I not good enough for Mum?"
I squeezed his hand. More stalling. I had no idea why she suddenly had taken on some apparent homophobic streak. I thought we had always been in agreement over how to raise Myles. On allowing him to be himself whatever that may be. I had no fucking idea why that changed.
"Honestly buddy, I'm not sure. Your Mum and I have always been a team and I've no idea why she would say that. I love you so much. I want you to remember that okay."
"Okay," Myles acknowledged.
A few beats.
"I love you too."