Chapter Text
Agent’s paw hovered over their gun holster, paw pads brushing against the cool metal of the barrel. From behind their professional shades, they glared daggers into the patient that the Secretary just checked in. They could’ve sworn the visitor’s voice cracked as she declared she was headed for room 4, right after equipping the little green badge.
Leaned against the wall of the hall intersection, they tried their best to look inconspicuous, whipping out a flip phone and pretending to look for a contact. Their eyes were trained on the visitor, widening when she stumbled, though she acted as if it hadn’t happened. They were so tense at this hour that they couldn’t keep themself from visibly flinching, but it didn’t seem anyone in the vicinity noticed.
[Surely it’s nothing,] Agent told themself. [They’ve only pulled a muscle, most likely.]
The visitor’s ear twitched, flicking rapidly as if gnawed on by an insect.
That’s normal. Plenty of people have random, brief spasms.
They’re looking too into this one. It’s fine. Surely there’s a real anomaly walking through the entrance right now.
Agent’s thoughts stirred themselves around like cheese fondue; they practically felt like they were melting, even in the slightly-too-cold-for-comfort building. It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, one that Agent knew for sure by now to keep out of the workplace.
They shook their head hard in an attempt to ground themself in reality, passing it off as an itchy feeling to any prying eyes and scratching at their ear canal.
They were so focused on trying to look like they were paying attention, in fact, that they had lost sight of their target completely. Agent immediately speedwalked into the medical ward corridor, spitting out a muted curse that kind of tried to censor itself on the way out.
Where were they going again? Room… 2? They nearly tripped and slammed into the door for that room, shoving one eye against the glass to see that it was empty; no patient, no doctor, certainly no visitor. Blast! Wasn’t it room 4 anyway?? Why couldn’t they get it together??? There’s anomalies afoot to fill the skulls of with lead!!
A sudden shriek pierced the stale, citrus-and-chemicals-stinking air. Agent whipped their head fast enough to break their neck, probably, had they been less flexible. A juicy, grotesque snarl. Room 4. The sound of snapping metal and a more distressed scream.
They quite literally leapt into action, barreling into the partially shut door on all fours, fumbling with their pistol for what felt like an entire hour. Agent felt their heart leaping into their esophagus as their unprotected ears suffered the full blasts of nine poorly aimed shots.
Blood dribbled from the torn papery bedsheets, deep red and a sickly green pouring from the wounds of two bodies. The one with an unhinged jaw slumped to the glittering tile, gurgling as its leg twitched with less and less power, until all movement ceased.
The body in a mostly blue smock stared petrified at the blinding ceiling light, unblinking, jaw locked into a permanent silent gaping terror. A thin red line traced its way down their face from the corner of their mouth. Agent couldn’t hold down the weak and pitiful whimper that crawled its way out of their throat.
This was it! Say farewell to their hard-earned, well-paying career! Goodbye to all of their friends and loved ones! Hello, filthy, vermin-packed back alleys and reeking, boiling dumpsters! It’s where they always belonged, after all! Home sweet home!
It didn’t matter how the pistol clattered to the floor and bounced into the rancid growing puddle of bodily fluids. Nothing they did from here was going to let them keep their job. Not a single thing. They were powerless. In the grand scheme of things, really just a dumb and insignificant little kitten who shouldn’t even be here thanks to their family background. Just thinking about it made them want to…
= = = = =
Intern snatched the pot from the brewing machine as soon as the coffee was ready, chugging a half mug’s worth of the bitter lava and relishing in the warm feeling of the fresh coffee trickling into its dewlap. She placed it gingerly on the table then, for the Secretary to take his fill.
“You’re making quite the mess, you know,” he murmured from inside of his mug as he took a long, leisurely sip. “I’m unsure what the Janitor thinks of you- they aren’t the most outgoing- but I’m sure it’s not very fond.”
Playing into his harmless jests, Intern pointed at the Secretary, then stepped back and did a rather silly sort of dance, jumping about while juggling something.
“Bah! To call me a clown??” the ram giggled, placing his mug down so not to spill its contents. “Really, to label me as such is hypocritical. Don’t think I haven’t forgotten when you-”
The unmistakable, ear-shattering sound of gunshots echoed down the hall, probably from the medical ward. Shit, the Secretary thought… had they been unobservant while checking in that visitor just now??
He opened his mouth to command Intern to check on it, but it was already off through the door, clamoring forth on its long feet. They looked fit to bound them forth at impressive speeds, why didn’t they just..? Forget it.
Standing in the middle of the hall intersection, staring blankly down the emergency ward corridor, Intern didn’t see anything of interest. She turned toward the medical ward and was nearly toppled over by a shadowy blur- a Hider??? He stomped over to the fire extinguisher, grabbing it and whipping around only to see nothing.
Pushing the extinguisher back into place as it clattered around, he actually had to think about what he just saw. There were gunshots, yes. Agent carries a handgun, right? So it was them that just stormed out of the building.
…
What the fuck?? They just left the building??? But there’s such important work to be done!! There are anomalies afoot, for fuck’s sake!
The Secretary watched as a huge tan bullet rocketed past the check-in window, nearly shattering the glass of the entry doors on its way out.
Intern’s tiny dot eyes darted around the premises, not seeing an Agent anywhere nearby… and not hearing any sounds an Agent might make, either.
What kind of sounds will attract a cat, again? They like the little kissy sounds sometimes, they knew that… but most of all, pspsps.
“Pspsps. Pspspspss.” Intern tiptoed around the parking lot, checking around and peering under cars. “Pspspspspsps.”
From somewhere inside of a nearby tree, Agent rubbed frantically at the tears cascading down their cheeks, unable to keep down pitiful mewls of fear. Something that was usually at the front of their mind- now shoved somewhere deep in the back- berated them that this was uncharacteristic and humiliating behavior, but as their head swam full of brain-tear sludge, they couldn’t seriously heed those words. It didn’t matter what they were “supposed” to do, anyway, not any longer…
“Pspspspsps,” Intern wandered closer, Agent’s heart doing somersaults and trembling in its boots and curling up on the floor and becoming nothing. They’ve been found… by who, it mattered little, but they knew that they deserved all that was coming to them, and in accepting it, the tears came harder than before.
She heard crying in the trees, pretty distraught, and immediately dropped the search. If someone was upset, that definitely mattered way more than some silly work!
Intern approached the closest pine slowly, quite surprised to see Agent themself wrapped around a thick branch, eyes orange and puffy, shuddering… she was conflicted. They were supposed to be working, for the safety and security of the hospital, but… here they were, crying their lungs out in a tree. Don’t cats famously get stuck in trees, too? They’re in no state to work.
“I- I’m...” they started, gasping for air and barely sounding like themself.
“... I’s-sorry-y..!! I killed ‘em! Gh- h’patient d-dead cuz’ o’ mmee..!!!”
Intern’s perpetual smile vanished. Eyes locked onto the poor shivering kitty, it took a tentative step closer, placing a paw against the trunk’s rough bark.
“Mmng... go ‘way... tell D-dogger Hawlow.. ‘nd- ‘n da Head N’se t’ fire me... I ‘serve itt..!”
He didn’t move an inch. For a moment, neither animal spoke, Agent’s shaky breaths and choked sobs cutting through the lightly rustling trees and night crickets and frogs.
Feeling the air grow thick with sorrow, Intern emitted a quiet whistle to catch their attention, at least get their eyes to open again, so they could hear it out.
Once they were looking down at her- she thought, because she could barely see in the black of the night- she did a zipped lips motion, locked it up, and tossed the “key” away into a… mountain? A volcano? She did an erupting motion, complete with sound effects.
What a silly way to tell them that it wasn’t going to tell anyone about… any of this, they guessed. If its goal was to lighten the mood, it certainly succeeded, because they couldn’t stop themself from giggling a bit- an airy, childish sound ringing through the cracks of weeping and gooey snot.
Intern’s smile returned, he liked to see someone so distraught smiling again, but he remembered where they were as the pressing, moist cold of the outside made the fur on their back stand. It turned to look back at the hospital, then faced Agent again with outstretched arms, beckoning them to return.
Agent stared blankly, deciding that they were not, in fact, ready to get chewed out by the higher-ups, actually. Despite having just told Intern to do that. They tightened their grip on the branch and whimpered out a noise of disproval.
Intern frowned again, repeating their “I won’t tell anyone” gesture, and following it up by hugging themself. A hug… would sound good right now, Agent thought (barely, through a sea of thoroughly jumbled non-thoughts and the still crushing weight of the guilt of what they’d just done in the medical ward). She would keep them safe. They would be okay. No trouble… none with Intern. It’s okay.
Agent soon found themself locked into place, though, residual adrenaline forcing them to cling to the branch. Intern watched them quickly start wriggling, mewling with distress- he was right, cats really do just get stuck like that.
He didn’t exactly know how to climb trees; he never tried, so he never learned the best way to do it, but his plan was to jab his claws into the wood and cling on while pulling up. It worked… well enough, despite being a little awkward for Agent to watch. And. Kind of threatening? Their brain perceived the large clamoring mass shaking the tree as a threat, despite knowing he’s a prey animal.
They were level now, Agent gazing right at Intern’s plush form, fur soft and inviting… Intern could never hurt them. Not a threat… Not bad. Safe with Intern.
Agent shakily pulled themself from the tree, immediately falling into Intern’s open arm (one’s claws were still jabbed into the trunk). The way back down was a little awkward and uncomfortable, but once they were on stable ground, Agent felt like they could really cozy in.
Its thick dewlap was like a pillow, only warm and with a heartbeat. Its thick arms provided so much security, holding them up like they were barely anything… Its size practically dwarfed them any day of the week, but that rang truer than ever right now, like they could just curl up and stay here forever and Intern would keep them safe.
= = = = =
“Goodness me, Intern! ‘S that Secret Agent? Are they alright??”
The Secretary ran to the frontmost check-in desk, then to the door, exiting the front office and practically throwing himself right in front of the two animals.
“They aren’t wounded, right? Did you check?”
Intern sort of just stood there, clutching the smaller animal to her chest, who’d rolled themself into a little ball against her chest. One arm clung to her opposite shoulder loosely, the other hand perched in their mouth…
It didn’t even try to gesture an answer or explanation to him, just walking around him as if an obstacle and clutching Agent the smallest bit tighter. It made a beeline for the break room, into the shop and disappearing behind a wall.
“Umm… well then! I’m going to assume everything’s fine and dandy… …talk later…”
= = = = =
Intern fussed around the break room, peeling cabinets and drawers open, finally returning to Agent’s side with a pencil and paper on a clipboard. They were situated on a somewhat stiff corner sofa, clutching a rectangular pillow to their chest and practically gnawing their finger off.
He began to write- scribbling quickly in a way that was a little difficult to read, frankly- and passed the clipboard to Agent, who took it rather delicately. Their eyelids looked heavy as they read.
{ It’s late. Do you want to just go home? }
Agent slow-blinked and looked up at Intern, opening their mouth to speak, but not even the slightest of hums came out. Frowning, they reached for the pencil and clumsily etched out another question.
{ a re yousure
still meed
t o wovk }
Intern squinted at the response. Their writing was always so neat and intentional, and now it looked like they’d just done it with their left foot. Something to note for sure, but not to point out.
{ Don’t worry about it. My place or yours? }
Their left hand drifted back up to their mouth again as they thought about it. Carefully this time, they circled “My place” with their right.
Intern nodded, standing and returning the items to the drawer it found them in. She took the paper they wrote on off and balled it up, dropping it in the wastebin. She took one more look around the place, peering out of the door back to the rest of the hospital, and walked back toward Agent, scooping them comfortably into her arms. They exited through the back door, the damp, post-rain chill making Agent curl tightly into Intern’s chest.
It treated the way to its car like it was a spy mission, moving slowly and turning its head every which way. Once it was sure the coast was clear, it approached the car and unlocked it, setting Agent down on their feet and sitting in the driver’s seat.
Before it started the car, it heard slight sounds of struggle from the back seat, looking in the rear mirror to see that Agent was having trouble with their seat buckle. Also, they were in the back seat. And Intern was the one to drive them. To its own place.
Several things to keep in mind, it thought.
He got out and circled around to Agent’s seat, helping them with the buckle (they somehow grabbed the one for the seat next to them) and got on with leaving the hospital’s premises already. The drive home was nice and uneventful. Quiet, so he put on the radio to a 90’s rock station, though he kept the volume low for Agent.
[It’s snug back here,] they thought, lazily watching the tangerine streetlamps light the car, fading out of view, the next one coming in soon after.
[Intern is nice. Really nice... They helped me in the tree... and with my seat... and holded me real soft...]
[Thank you... Intern...]
Hearing a soft murmuring behind her, Intern tilted the rearview mirror to see a delicate looking Agent curled up against the door. Eyes fluttering shut, finger perched in their mouth again… Admittedly cute. Though even it thought that was an objectively cute thing. Whatever! Eyes on the road, Intern!