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Coming off of the road truly felt like a blessing from the gods. Jaime couldn’t remember the last time he and Brienne had slept under a roof, not under the stars, and as lovely as it was to lay beside her - or as near as - and look upon a clear night, Jaime couldn’t wait to have four walls around him and a hot bath.
He’d noticed Brienne hadn’t been herself for the last few days. Whilst she was never one for lengthy conversation, she always listened to Jaime prattle on and hm’d and rolled her eyes whenever he said something inappropriate. But recently, she’d been quieter. More reserved. And almost, pained? He caught anguish sneak across her face when she thought he wasn’t looking, and she was riding behind him, where she usually always rode beside or in front.
Jaime had suggested that they find an inn in the next village they came upon. Usually they liked to try and save their coin, but Jaime felt they could both do with a rest. They were still weeks ride away from their next destination.
“Two rooms, and a bath in each.”
The inn keep looked up at him and grunted.
“Food for you both?”
Brienne said nothing behind him so Jamie spoke for them.
“If it wouldn’t trouble you, I’m sure my companion and I would be terribly grateful.” He said with a tight smile - why were some people just difficult?
They exchanged coin and keys and a maid lead them up the stairs to their rooms.
Jaime turned to suggest they meet in an hour to go down to dinner, but before he even had the chance, Brienne had disappeared into her room.
Jaime frowned, he was worried about her.
He resigned himself with going into this own room and taking a bath, washing the past days off of his body.
—————-
A little while later, after he’d scrubbed his skin raw, Jaime’s stomach made a rather questionable noise and he decided it was time to sup.
Leaving his room he knocked next door for Brienne.
Silence.
“Wench?”
Silence.
Jaime didn’t like it one bit.
“Brienne? Is everything alright?”
After a moment a soft voice followed.
“I’m fine, Jaime. Not hungry.”
“You need to eat, Wench, we’ve been days without a proper meal.”
“I told you I’m not hungry. I’m just going to sleep. Goodnight, ser.” Came through the door.
Fine, if she wanted to be like that, let her.
Jaime turned away, a hot anger flushing under his skin. He’d eat by himself.
————-
It had started two or three days ago now, she thinks. She first noticed a hot, piercing sensation just below her stomach. Her first thought was that she’d got her moon’s blood, but she knew she wasn’t due for another 2 weeks.
She’d clenched down in her saddle, gritting her teeth at the pain as it radiated throughout her entire pelvis and down her thighs.
This wasn’t the first time Brienne had felt the pain. Since she was younger, since her flowering, the pain had gotten increasingly worse the older she became. And just recently, Brienne was struggling to endure it.
She saw Jaime up ahead and grimaced. She didn’t want to let on that she was in so much pain. She was meant to be strong. She was meant to laugh in the face of pain. But this felt all consuming.
Thankfully Jaime suggested they make camp for the night and as he gathered wood for a fire, she set down her bedroll and curled up on it. She knew Jaime would find this unusual, they’d been travelling together so long now, but she couldn’t help it, she couldn’t make room for anything else inside her brain other than pain.
“Little early for bedtime, don’t you think Wench?” Jaime spoke.
Brienne, turned away from him and the fire, just curled in on herself harder.
“I’m tired, and don’t feel much like eating.” She spoke through gritted teeth.
“Are you alright?” Jaime asked, unusual for Brienne to refuse a meal.
Silence.
“Really Brienne, what is the matter? You’ve been riding behind me for days, have barely said more than two words, if I didn’t know better I’d say you’re ailing for something. Is that it?”
“I’m fine, Jaime.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“I said I’m fine.”
Jaime sat back slightly by the fire. Brienne often raised her voice at him and often told him off for what he said, but this felt different. She sounded like a wounded, defenceless creature. Taking it out on him wasn’t helping anyone, though.
Jaime didn’t respond and she heard him poking at the fire before grabbing his own bedroll and setting it up across from her. A wash of guilt swept Brienne - they’d usually always sleep beside each other now. She missed his warmth.
Just as Brienne was trapped in her thoughts, a wave of pain rolled over her and she felt a white hot piercing sensation radiate through her abdomen.
A single tear silently ran down her cheek. She breathed deeply and tried to let sleep take her.
———-
After that, Brienne had been glad when Jaime suggested the following day to find an inn for the night. She wouldn’t let on but she needed a small comfort more than she could say.
She had been nervous when she woke up that morning that Jaime would be hostile, but he seemed to have forgotten the night before and was acting, softer? Brienne feared he’d caught on to her struggle and had tried to force a smile as they mounted their horses for the next village.
It wasn’t until they’d left their horses in the stables and made their way upstairs to their rooms that Brienne realised how badly she needed to rest and, if she was honest with herself, have a good cry.
So she did just that. She heard the door to Jaime’s room close and her shoulders sagged. She immediately climbed out of her armour and rested her sword by the head of the bed, and climbed under the furs. If she never had to move from this bed again it would be too soon.
When she heard Jaime knock, calling her for dinner, it was all she could do to tell him no. She hadn’t even found the strength to have that bath he’d ordered. The pain was overwhelming and she was tossing and turning on the bed, willing it to stop.
“I told you I’m not hungry. I’m just going to sleep. Goodnight, ser.”
She listened to his angry footsteps retreat down the stairs. If the pain wasn’t bad enough, now Jaime was upset with her. This made Brienne’s tears flow even harder.
The two of them had been edging towards something closer than friends for a while now. It started with Brienne entertaining Jaime’s stories. She’d ask more questions about his childhood and he’d ask in return. They began sharing things they’d never told other people, riding closer together, sleeping side by side.
She still remembers the cold night where Jaime had first come to lay beside her.
“Wench honestly, the sound of your teeth chattering could stop a giant from sleeping. Are you really that cold?”
“I’m f-fine, Jaime. My apologies, for-for keeping you awake.”
“That’s it, shove over.”
Brienne blushed furiously.
“Ser, what are you doing?!”
“You’re cold. The quickest way to fix that, and for me to get some sleep, is for us to share body heat.”
She balked at him.
“Really, Brienne, I swear by the old gods and the new that I will leave your maidenhood perfectly in tact. But please, let us sleep.”
She started to relax once he had positioned himself next to her and she could feel the warmth radiating from him..maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, she thought.
If Brienne was honest with herself, she had developed feelings for Jaime that day he’d rescued her from the bear pit at Harrenhal. No one had ever risked their life for her like that. And the longer she spent with him, the more those feelings grew. But, she wasn’t stupid, she knew someone as beautiful as Jaime could never love her. She was hideous, tall, not at home in her own body. And now this. Who would want to live with this everyday?
Some time later she heard Jaime return, hover briefly outside her door, before continuing to his own and closing it behind him.
Hours must have passed where Brienne was trapped in a horrific cycle of pain - she felt as though it would never end. All she could feel now was pain and embarrassment and wanted nothing more than the ground to swallow her up.
———-
Whilst it wasn’t the best stew he’d ever eaten, Jaime was thankful for a warm supper inside his stomach and made his way back upstairs.
As he reached the hallway, he hovered outside of Brienne’s room. His heart ached to knock on her door and see her. He knew something was wrong and he felt this subconscious urge to fix it. He hated to see her in pain.
Jaime knew their relationship had changed. What started off as time-passing, winding her up on the road, had swiftly developed into something akin to affection. Jaime would strive every day, every conversation, to see a glimmer of a smile cross her face. It was true, she wasn’t conventionally beautiful, but Jaime couldn’t help but feel drawn to her. She was good, she was honest, she held him to account and by the gods did she have the most piercing, beautiful blue eyes he’d ever had the fortunate of looking upon.
He’d use any excuse to be close to her, brush his hand across her arm. Granted, it usually came with a look of utter confusion from Brienne, but lately he’d felt that she’d warmed up to him more. She served him at dinner and incited conversation.
Nevertheless, Jaime knew he had grown strong feelings for his wench, which is part of the reason why seeing her in pain was quite so difficult. She was guarded, she would never let anyone in. Didn’t think she deserved the love and compassion of another.
Sighing, Jaime turned to his room and closed the door. He didn’t want to make her feel any worse. He’d try again in the morning.
———-
A soft moon glow came through the window, painting Jaime’s face in shadow. He was sleeping soundly until he woke to a soft, constant noise.
Rubbing his groggy eyes, he leant half up on his good arm, and listened.
It was coming from Brienne’s room. And it sounded like, crying?
He couldn’t have been asleep long. He jumped out of bed and down the hallway.
Standing outside her door he pressed his ear against it gently.
More sobs came from inside.
“Brienne.” He called softly.
There was no response.
“Please. I know you’re awake, I could hear you from my room.”
Inside, Brienne choked on a sob and stopped breathing, mortified that Jaime had heard her sobbing from the other room.
“I’ll give you till three but then I’m coming in, whether you like it or not.”
Three counts went by.
Brienne couldn’t have got to the door even if she wanted to.
When Jaime stepped into the room, he was met with darkness and the soft glow of a candle burning.
“Wench?” Jaime called. She wasn’t on the bed, which struck Jaime as curious. Looking around in the dark, he heard her soft breath.
There, in the corner of the room, Brienne sat with her knees against her chest, in her under tunic, looking like she had that day at the baths, scared.
“Oh, Brienne.”
Jaime stepped towards her slowly, kneeling beside her.
Brienne looked ashamed and wiped her eyes.
“I’m sorry.” She spoke softly.
Jaime looked confused.
“Whatever are you apologising for?”
“I woke you.”
Jaime rolled his eyes.
“Wench there is no matter there. You should have called for me before. What is it? Why are you crying?”
Brienne exhaled shakily, not wanting to divulge to Jaime the problem but she was so exhausted.
“Please,” he said, “you’ve not been yourself lately. Is it something I’ve done? Are you hurt?”
Brienne huffed out a soft laugh through her tears.
“Of course not, Jaime. You’ve done nothing.”
“Then what? What has put you in such a state?”
She looked up at him in the candlelight, eyes glistening with unshed tears.
“I am in pain.” She breathed.
Jaime looked her over. She wasn’t visibly injured. Maybe she was sick? She didn’t seem particularly feverish but she wasn’t eating a lot lately either, so maybe he just couldn’t tell.
He lifted his hand to her and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.
“Tell me. Tell me what ails you and maybe I can fix it.”
Another huff.
“I don’t think so, Jaime. This is not something you can fix.”
He sat beside her, willing her to continue.
Okay, Brienne thought, time for the truth. She owed him that much.
“Since I was a little girl, maybe 13, since I…flowered,”
Jaime had the decency to flush ever so slightly.
“Go on.”
“I’ve always had this, this, pain, this sickening pain that comes every month, or whenever it feels like, really. Before I have my moon’s blood, this feeling takes over, it feels like being stabbed by one hundred sellswords all at once. It tears through my body, my stomach, it radiates down my thighs, it hurts to walk, to breathe sometimes.”
Jaime was looking increasingly more concerned. He couldn’t believe Brienne was suffering like this without telling him. He had heard stories from Maesters about similar things and had always thanked the gods that he was born a man. But now that it was Brienne, his Brienne, suffering, he couldn’t stand it.
“Wench that sounds positively abysmal.”
She laughed softly.
A pause.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She sobered at the hurt sound in his voice.
“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t want to burden you. To make you feel that I was something you had to take care of, that I was weak.”
Jaime softly thumbed the ever-falling tears from her cheeks.
“Brienne, surely by now you must know that I’d do whatever is necessary to keep you safe, to look after you. Or are you forgetting?”
He raised his golden hand to her.
She looked down, blushing softly.
“You’re right. I should have trusted you, I am sorry.”
“Hush, you do not need to be apologising. Now, what can I do to help in this moment?”
“Please, Jaime, I’ve already kept you awake and the pain will likely not subside until it does. Go back to sleep, I will be fine.”
He stood up, looking around the room.
“No tub.”
Brienne quirked her head.
“What?”
“There’s no tub in the room. Did you not take the bath I paid for?”
Brienne looked embarrassed at that.
“I’m sorry, Jaime. When we got here I couldn’t face anything other than curling up in pain. I did not mean to offend and not take that for which you’d paid.”
“Don’t be silly. How about it now?”
“Now? Jaime, it must be the middle of the night!”
“Well, no time like the present, I say, and the hot water will be soothing on your muscles. Wait here.”
Brienne sat and stared at the open door with shock as she heard Jaime speaking with a maid outside. He was back before she knew it.
“Right. One hot bath, coming up, and some warm food from earlier. I know,” he spoke before she could protest, “you may not be hungry, but it won’t help the pain, you not eating. You will have even a few bites.”
She nodded softly, and watched as both the tub and the hot water were brought into the room and prepared.
Jaime handed the maid some extra coins on her way out for the trouble.
He stepped back towards her, reaching out his hand.
“Come.”
She stood slowly, her muscles feeling like they’d been locked in a vice and the pain ebbing to a deep, continuous ache.
As they reached the tub, Brienne looked at Jaime, blushing.
“Um, Jaime, I-“
He spoke softly.
“We’re past that, aren’t we?”
And he was right, they were. It wouldn’t be the first time Jaime had seen her naked, and though Brienne found herself flushing, she slowly raised her shirt over her head, jolting slightly when she felt Jaime’s hand helping her pull it off. When she opened her eyes, he was closer than ever.
“Hi.” She spoke softly.
“Hello, wench.” He mirrored.
He held out his hand and she took it and, with his assistance, she stepped gently into the hot water, sighing as she sat down.
Brienne closed her eyes and sighed. The two sat in silence for a while, but she could feel Jaime’s presence beside her.
And it was him who broke the silence.
“Do you really not know how much I care for you?”
Brienne opened her eyes slowly. Jaime was looking at her with such adoration, she could hardly believe it.
“Jaime -“
“Really, Brienne, I’d have thought by now it would be obvious.”
She looked down into the water, realising that in the candlelight, her whole body was visible to him.
A silence fell upon them.
This time, it was Brienne that broke it.
“I care for you, too. Deeply.” She said after a breath.
Jaime’s eyes widened and he leant forward slightly, over the edge of the tub. Brienne mirrored him and rested her hand on the edge of it, next to his, fingers grazing each other, as she nervously looked up at him.
When they were a breath apart, he stopped, looking into her sapphire blue eyes.
“Is this okay?” He whispered.
She could do nothing but nod.
Jaime closed the gap and kissed her softly, feeling a weight leave both of them. This is how it’s meant to be, he thought. Her lips were chapped slightly from their travels, but she was soft and tentative in her approach. He grazed her lip slightly with his tongue and felt her gasp softly, before he pulled up.
“Was that..okay?” Brienne asked, avoiding his eyes.
Jaime brought two fingers beneath her chin and raised her eyes to meet his.
“I could kiss you every day for the rest of my life and I will always remember this.”
She flushed furiously at that. Her head swam with the notion that someone like Jaime was saying that about her. She took a beat to clear her head before she spoke.
“Did you swallow a book of poetry?” She japed, bravely.
Jaime faked shock.
“Excuse me for wanting to profess to the woman I love - the wench I love, that I would happily spend the rest of my days expressing so.”
Brienne looked guilty briefly.
“My apologies, I was only joking and really, your words were truly heartfelt and - wait, did you say..”
“The woman I love, yes. I did.”
“You love me?” Brienne couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Maybe she’d blacked out from the pain?
“No, you aren’t making it up, yes I did say that.” Jaime grinned.
God, he could read her like a book.
“Are-are you sure?”
He huffed.
“Am I sure that I love you? Yes, Brienne, I am quite sure.”
She exhaled in disbelief.
And then remembered she’d not said anything in response.
“I love you too, Jaime. More than I can express, truthfully.”
“What a pair we make, hm? How long has it taken us?”
She smiled warmly, which quickly turned into a grimace as she bent over.
“Agh!”
Jaime leant forward, rubbing his hand up and down her back.
“Shh, shh. Come, why don’t we get you out of the bath and try and eat something? I could see if there is any tea.”
She nodded softly and, as embarrassed as she was to admit it, had to have Jaime help her out of the tub.
She dried and changed as Jaime came back into the room with tea.
“She assures me this is soothing for cramps.”
Brienne blushed, before realising she didn’t have to.
“Thank you.”
She drank gently as she sat on the edge of the bed.
Jaime busied himself with rearranging her furs, and lighting a gentle fire. By the time he was finished, Brienne had drunk her tea and eaten a few spoonfuls of stew.
“How’re you feeling?” He asked as he sat down beside her on the bed.
“The pain has dulled, it’s not as sharp as it was before.”
He took her hand in his good one, rubbing his thumb along the back of her fingers.
“Good, wench. I am glad to hear it.”
She turned slightly to stifle a yawn.
“Bedtime?”
Brienne nodded softly and he got up, settling the furs back over her once she was laying down. Jaime leant over her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Turning to leave he was stopped by a hand grabbing his.
“Stay.” She said softly. “Please.”
“Of course, always.”
Jaime let go of her hand and walked to the other side of the bed, before turning back the furs.
Jaime settled beside her and, as she turned onto her side, he shifted close behind her, laying a hand over her waist and rubbing softly at her stomach.
Brienne hmm’d and closed her eyes.
“Sweetest dreams, wench.”
“And you, Jaime.”
He kissed the back of her neck and listened to her soft breathing.
“Brienne.” He called softly.
“Yes?”
“I meant what I said. I care for you. I love you. Wake me should you need anything, anything at all.”
“Alright.”
Silence.
“I love you, Jaime.”
With that, their breathing fell in rhythm and they drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.