Chapter Text
Things in the main mindspace were going very well, the four traits who resided there had reached a really good point and they worked together with a synergy that made things much easier.
The cause of this sudden flow state was certain individuals no longer hiding things from each other.
Virgil had stubbornly been denying his feelings for a while, mostly due to anxiety over things falling apart and causing more issues in the long run, but had eventually decided to come clean.
Upon attempting to tell Roman how he felt he'd been interrupted as Mr Romance himself spluttered out that he loved him in a way that had obviously not been planned based on how nervous he got after.
This had completely defused the nerves Virgil had and he just shook his head fondly and pulled the man into a kiss, to both shut up his panicked ramblings and also wordlessly tell him that he felt the same.
From there the two's relationship had seamlessly grown into something very serious and happy.
Not that they were the only ones to go through such a shift, Logan had been struggling for a while with the concept of him having emotions in general, but had noticed a pattern in his own behaviour and couldn't think of any reasonable explanations for why.
In the end he'd turned to Patton for help and was shocked to hear that he was interested in someone romantically based on what he'd described.
Patton had then asked who it was that this happened around and Logan hadn't been thinking clearly enough to be able to lie and had blurted out the truth, that it was Patton himself.
A big smile had spread across Patton's face as he confessed he'd been trying to work up the courage to say something to Logan for a while now and was glad it wouldn't ruin their friendship.
These new relationships had given them a boost to their communication and teamwork and had lessened a lot of the previous conflicts.
This meant Thomas was experiencing a much better headspace and when an issue was brought up it didn't take so long to solve it as it would have.
Bright positive feelings suffused the main mindspace endlessly, but it was quite the opposite in the other mindspace.
Down in the so called 'basement' of the mindspace was another living area where two other traits resided and the atmosphere here was suffocated by negativity.
Negativity that had ramped up in recent months and was down to the two who called this place home still.
Once there had been three but Virgil had vanished one day after an intense argument and permanently decreased the number.
While that argument had happened many years prior it was still something that often replayed in a certain trait's mind, the raised voices and anger, the sudden fear as he realised Virgil was genuinely leaving and then the crushing pain of recognising things would never be the same.
Janus hadn't thought Virgil would walk away like that, hadn't thought that things would end in such a way.
All the things they'd done together still plagued him and at night he could sometimes still hear Virgil whispering he loved him.
It was painful but over the years the pain had dulled slightly, making it easier to ignore and so it had stopped troubling him.
Until recently that is anyway.
Word had reached him of Virgil and Roman's relationship and it had reignited the agony in his chest, this time also fuelled by anger and jealousy.
Virgil was his and to know that he was up there with Roman of all people felt like someone had set fire to his lungs.
In a bid to get rid of these thoughts and feelings Janus did what he always did and opened a bottle of red wine.
Usually he'd have a glass or two and then go to sleep, but this time he didn't even bother with a glass and instead started swigging straight from the bottle as he sat glaring at nothing.
The negativity wasn't all down to Janus though, a certain green trait was equally as responsible for the oppressive atmosphere that hung over the place as he too dealt with some difficult things.
Remus was used to not being wanted, it was a constant his whole existence and he'd sort of gotten used to it by now, but stupidly he'd allowed himself to hope that maybe he might be able to change that.
That perhaps someone might choose to stay instead of walking away or being disgusted by him.
He thought he'd finally found it too, someone who didn't recoil at the sight of him or react extremely to the things he could say.
Calm and unshakeable, Logan wasn't perturbed at all by anything Remus came out with and he'd started popping up more to talk to the logical trait about things.
In his mind he'd assumed they were getting along great and considering Logan was really the only person who would hold a conversation with him Remus had fallen hard and fast.
Especially when Logan would sometimes entertain some of his ideas or comments and talk about the logistics of things too.
Having someone actually go in depth about his less than pleasant ideas was the final push Remus had needed and he became obsessed with Logan.
He'd randomly appear to ask the man questions or discuss a topic or two and Logan would always be open to it, never shooing him away or expressing any sort of desire for Remus to leave him alone.
It was enough to make him start wondering if perhaps there was a mutual feeling there and though he tried not to get his hopes up he couldn't help it.
Then he'd shown up one day to find Logan and Patton kissing, neither of them noticing his presence.
Without a single word or noise Remus made a quick exit, disappearing to the imagination to process things as best he could.
Thousands of thoughts and feeling hit him all at once when the shock wore off and fuck did it hurt.
He lost track of time and reality for a while, bouncing from one wild thought to the next, creating horrifying creation after horrifying creation.
One moment he was planning in detail how to kill Patton and then the next he was planning what sort of death he wanted for himself because he couldn't stand all the horrible feelings inside.
This lasted a full week and when he finally wrenched himself out of the imagination he was dishevelled and delirious.
Stumbling into the living room he spotted Janus staring despondently into space, a sea of empty wine bottles littering the ground and one half empty one clutched in the man's hand.
"Jan?" Remus managed to ask, his voice raspy from all the screaming and shouting he'd been doing.
Janus didn't react and so Remus got closer, sitting next to him on the sofa and poking him in the side.
This made Janus snap out of his stupor and he turned to fix Remus with a glare.
"What do you want?"
"Logan..." Remus trailed off, his face scrunching up and instead of continuing he just collapsed against Janus.
"Did he turn you down or something?" Janus asked, his words slurring a bit.
"He was kissing Patton." Remus whispered.
A slight scoff left Janus and he took another gulp from his wine bottle before muttering. "You think that's bad, Virgil's fucking Roman."
"I guess we're both alone forever then." Remus mumbled.
"Probably. I mean I could try and kill Roman but then there's no way Virgil would want me back. Although I guess it might work to send a message and also stop Virgil from being happy without me. Show him that I'm the only one capable of making him happy and that he doesn't get happiness if he's with someone else!"
Janus was slurring and hissing so much his words were barely making sense, but the tone and some of the words still processed for Remus who raised his head and eyed Janus carefully.
"I considered killing Patton." He admitted after a while.
"Kill both of those fuckers."
"We could, but then that doesn't exactly get us anywhere."
A heavy sigh left Janus and he closed his eyes, leaning against the back of the sofa as he tried to shake off some of the drunkenness.
When he reopened his eyes he glanced at Remus and frowned as he finally registered what a state the man was in.
"You look like you've not slept in days." Janus told him.
"I don't actually know what day it is." Remus said.
"Me neither."
A silence fell on the room again, but Janus's eyes kept drifting over to Remus, taking in the dark bags under his eyes from where he hadn't slept and trying to stop himself comparing it to Virgil.
Although if he couldn't have the actual Virgil anymore perhaps he could pretend instead?
If he'd been sober Janus probably wouldn't have allowed the idea to grow, but he was four days into binge drinking wine and he was desperate for some way to control his situation.
"We could do something to help each other."
"Like what?"
"We both want people we can't have, but we're able to shapeshift. I'll be Logan for you if you be Virgil for me."
Remus's eyes widened for a moment before finding himself nodding, so desperate to find a way to dull the pain he was willing to go along with whatever this plan was.
Janus chugged the wine that was left in the bottle and tossed the bottle aside, morphing his appearance into Logan and waiting until Remus altered himself to look like Virgil.
Then lips were locked, hands grabbing at each others bodies and clothes being pulled off in a frenzy, each man needing this even though on a certain level they knew it wasn't good or a permanent solution.
Denial felt better than dealing with the pain though and so they committed to pretending.
Neither of them said specific names but it was clear from the get go they were lost in separate fantasies.
Craving control and wanting to have Virgil understand he was all he needed Janus pushed Remus backwards onto the couch and growled in his ear.
"You're mine!"
Considering that was exactly what Remus needed right now, to be wanted by Logan and chosen in a way that no one had ever done before, he eagerly responded.
"I'm yours!"
Due to the fact they were both so lost in their own minds there was no attempt at taking it slow or even preparing, it was full steam ahead and nothing was going to stop them.
Harsh and fast Janus thrust into Remus, his hands gripping him so tight there'd probably be bruises later.
Long red scratches were being left down Janus's back as Remus's nails dug in and at one point as Janus's thrusts hit his prostate Remus bit down on the man's shoulder to muffle his cry.
They were wild and uncaring as they left marks on each other and their limited conversation further encapsulated that.
"You don't need anyone else, you've got me." Janus got out.
"I don't need anyone else." Remus replied.
"Who do you belong to?"
"You!"
"You're all mine!"
"All yours!"
"Come for me and only me!"
"Only you!"
With that they both hit their limit and whether it was alcohol or exhaustion Janus collapsed on top of Remus and passed out, the green trait not faring much better due to his lack of sleep and rampage in the imagination.
The next morning Remus woke first and frowned as he felt a weight on top of him, opening his eyes and finding Janus asleep on him.
Although Janus wasn't just on him, he was in him too and it took a while for Remus to remember the events of the previous night.
Aches and pains from what they'd done started to make themselves known along with a sticky feeling but Remus couldn't bring himself to care.
Instead he closed his eyes again and waited for Janus to wake up, something that took a long while due to how much he'd drank.
When Janus woke up he had a massive headache and a lot of trouble processing things, but eventually realised he was laying on someone.
He opened his eyes and blinked a few times as he realised it was Remus and then also realised they were both naked.
Shifting positions slightly made him gasp as he became aware of his cock being in Remus and flashes of what they'd done the previous night came back to him.
In a flurry of movement he pulled away, putting distance between them and grimacing as the room blurred slightly in a way that told him he'd not fully slept off all the alcohol and he was still drunk.
At this Remus opened his eyes again and sat up, not saying a word but keeping his eyes trained on Janus.
"Sorry." Janus got out after a long awkward silence.
"For what?" Remus asked quietly.
"For whatever the fuck I was thinking last night, I was really drunk and emotional and I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression."
"What wrong impression do you think you gave me? Yeah we fucked, big deal. You think I'm about to get all clingy and sappy with you?"
"You weren't in a good state and neither was I and..." Janus started to say but Remus cut him off.
"And we did something together to try and get rid of how shitty we were feeling. I still don't see the issue."
"We didn't do it as ourselves though, that's pretty fucked up."
"I mean it was still us, we were just deep into roleplay."
"It wasn't healthy."
"Neither is drinking yourself into a fucking mess, or losing your grip on reality in the imagination because the real world hurts too much. We were already doing fucked up things before we fucked, so again I don't see the issue."
Janus was quiet for a moment as he thought some things over as best he could with his half hungover half drunk mind.
"We probably shouldn't do it again but..." He trailed off
"But it helps dull the pain better than anything else." Remus finished for him.
Another silence fell on the room, this one much longer as they each got lost in their thoughts, but after a long time Janus once again broke the silence.
"My room later tonight?"
"I'll be there." Remus replied instantly.
With that Janus struggled to his feet, scooped up his clothes and stumbled out of the room, leaving Remus to stare at his own discarded clothes for a moment as they lay next to the empty wine bottles.
Then he took a deep breath and collected them up and headed back to his own room, anticipation for later that night and the bruises forming on his body helping him ignore the emotional pain that had lead to things taking this turn.