Chapter Text
lumine’s personal hell
aether: no guys like
hes my friend
lumine: "hes my friend"
and its the known psychopath
childe: hi guys im the known psychopath
who wants me
aether: 😔
not i said the fly
childe: lumine 👀👀👀👀👀👀
lumine: ummmmm
still gay
sorry man
better luck next time
childe: hmmmmmmmmmmmm
hmm
hmmmmmm
sigh
do u not have any friends that u could put me on with
i play football
and im hot
lumine: self proclaimed hottie
aether: self proclaimed football player
childe: WHAT COES THAT EVEN MEAN AETHER
lumine: LMADHHEK
GO LIKE
DATE ONE OF UR FOOTBALL FRIENDS?????
childe: omg..
none of them r my type
theyre all fat and nasty
aether: i was so fat and nasty
i ate a pint of ice cream an hour
lumine: 😭😭
do we just start adding people to this bitch like its love island
aether: IM CRYING
university wide love island
omg
wait
can i get dibs on dain
dainsleif: No
Fuck you
aether: i wanna u do that me 🤤
lumine: 🙁
i cannot suffer alone
childe: u have me
hold me
lumine: its okay snugglemuffin
we'll find u a partner
aether: OKAY SNUGGLEMUFFIN?????
NAD U GET AT MEEEEEEEEE
lumine: U BASICALLY NUST ADMITTED TO WANTING IT RAW?????
aether: WHAT???????
dainsleif: What
aether: heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
lumine: omg i need anotyer female in here with me stat im adding everyone i know
@lumine has added multiple users to the chat!
@lumine has changed the chats name to “below hell”
lumine: PLEASE SAVE ME
OH MY GOD
PLEASE
hu tao: omg
hey sexy
lan yan: oh
hu tao: ou..
hey babe...
xinyan: 😭😭
xingqui: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
OMG
AETHER
LUMINE
ginger.
childe: WHY IS MY NAME GINGER
WHAT
amber: hi everypony
lumine! ☺️
yunjin: AMBER?????,?
OMG
LMG
DINDNSKAKKANZNQKXNNWKKZJXGSHHS
xinyan: my gf is losing it
yunjin: Shut up.
xinyan: verbally abuse me 🤤
childe: me too 🤤
xinyan: AJAX????????
u really r my brother fr LMAO
childe: 👀👀👀👀👀
omg
wheres all the hotties 🙁💔
lumine u promised
lumine: I DIDNT
WHAT
theres genuinely no guarantee that one of them actually likes u
childe: I AM NOT THAT UNLIKABLE
the professor for
um
oh physics
he said he likes me because im funny
lumine: he lied
xinyan: NTM ON MY MAN..
aether: no he lied
kaeya: i agree.
he lied.
childe: 🙁
no kaeya bb please
kaeya: do NOT baby me.
lumine: wtf is happening 😭😭
rosaria: kaeya snuck ajax in the other day and the ra yelled at him
kaeya: WHY DID JEAN YELL AT ME AND NOT HIM
jean: Because
You genuinely suck at sneaking people in and out
kaeya: WHO EVER ADDED HER I HATE U AND WANT U TO DIE
lumine: oh ok
i guess ill just kms
kaeya: GOOD.
aether: more like goodbye 😭✌️
childe: word up boss
its okay kaeya
i got yelled at by my ra too
he said that i smelled like wine
kaeya: GOOOD.
xingqui: abusive ass ra
ours is so nice and sweet
sweet as sugar
chongyun: um
yelan yelled at you for 7 minutes..
xingqui: OKAY NOT HER SHE'S MY COUSIN
I MEANT NINGGUANG
hu tao: the concept of ningguang being nice
ningguang: hu tao do we need to have a talk about your noise complaints?
hu tao: WHAT
WHY R U IN HERE
LUMINE WHO THE HELL DID U ADD
lumine: basically
my whole contact list
and 3 TAs
mauvuika: hey
lumine: hi TA
xilonen: 😭😭
reduced to a TA
mauvuika: it's okay i'll just drop her grade.
lumine: HEY WOH WOAH
NO PLEASE
I NEED PHYSICS
childe: and i need dick but no one seems to care
kaeya: oh my godddddd
TOMATO TOMATO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ningguang: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO
omg wait my gf is here
@beidou
beidou: 👀👀👀👀
im gonna
okay thus is t dms
wtf
ningguang: everyone AND their mother is here btw
childe: R U FLEXI G UR GF ON ME?????????
ningguqng: um yeah
why
childe: EVIL
XINGQUI WAS RIGHT ABOUT U
xingqui: hey hey now
um
i didn't call her evil
i called yelan evil
childe: omg wiat
like
yelan
my ra hates her 😭😭
xingqui: LMAO
DEADASS?????
childe: YES BRO
i think they have beef
beidou: ohhhhh
WAIT
EW
THATS UR RA?????
EWEWEWEWEW
childe: 😭😭❓❓❓
WHY DOES WVERYONE HATE HIM
ningguang: personal reasons..
beidou: I WANT TO BEAT HIS FACE IN.
aether: i dont even want to know
lumine: i do
ill help actually
beidou tell me pleaseeeeee
please
pleaeeeeeeeeeeeee
beidou: OKAY
ILL DM U
rosaria: hg is just itching for a fade im dead 😭😭
ningguang:
xingqui: wait i wanna know
hu tao: is it..
is it what i think it is..
ningguang: what do you think it is..
hu tao: this toddler i babysit..
ningguang: MENTION IT AND I WILL FIND YOU AND LOCK YOU OUT OF YOUR ROOM
hu tao: OMG??????
AM I RIGHT??????
i must consult zhongli he knows morw than me
ningguang:
kaeya: idk u but this feels deserved
lisa: hi guys
xingqui: LISA?????
lisa: oh hey you're bad haircut dude
hi
xingqui:
is that all i am to you
lisa: you're like a gay son to me
an idol even
alhaitham: Can I say slurs here
lumine: hmm
no
alhaitham: Okay
@kaveh
Can you yell at Lisa for me
Thanks
kaveh: ???????
YELL AT HER URSELF
DUMBASS
U HAVE WORDS AND A VOICE
I CAN CLEARLY HEAR UT RIGHT NOW
lisa: 😭😭
aether: omg twinkie pie
kaveh: TWINKIE PIE????
IK DAMN WELL U R NOT TALKING RN.
dehya: What is this
Why am I here
beidou: omg
wait
u
i know u
u go to my gym
dehya: OMG WAIT
ARENT YOU THE HUNK THAT WORKS OUT WITH THAT GREEN HAIRED TWINK RIGHT?????
beidou: YES
THATS ME
ayato: The sneak on Baizhu 😭😭
kaveh: L,ALAKOAOK
beidou: well
hes both
so its fine
lumine: okay why do u all know eachother
and why is this not even half of my contacts talking!
childe: BAIZHU????
LIKE
THE BADDIW??????????
PREMED
LONG GREEN HAIR
TWINK??????
kaveh: that got bros pussy wet 😭😭
lisa: you genuinely cannot say this stuff kaveh
this is NOT the gc
kaveh: 💔💔💔💔
diluc: what is this.
kaeya: omg finally
diluc: hi..
no i don't have your sweater.
kaeya: FUCK
HWO HAS IT??????
diluc: maybe your PARTNER.
rosaria: no his shit is all ugly bro
fucking doodoo fart ass sweater
aether: im crying what does that mean
xinyan: doodoo fart ass sweater 😭😭
venti: well it CLEARLY means doodoo fart ass sweater
stg
lumine: OMG VENGIIIIRIIDHXHWJJXBW
VENTI
venti: omg my lavendar marriage
hey girl
furina: um
i thought that was me..
venti: FUCK no
ur gf scares me sorry 😭😭
i know jeht is chill
sandrone is genuinely anything but
childe: ntm on sandy..
shes actually really funny sometimes
aether: did u just lie for fun
furina: sandrone is brainrotted
i'm lucky if she doesn't mention tung tung tung sahur within the first 6 minutes of our conversations
venti: and she would kill me if she had the chance
childe: i wish she would kiss me 💔💔💔💔💔💔
venti: HALF OF YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS WOXULD KILL ME IF YHEY HAD THE CHANCE.
childe: oh dw theyd kill me too
😞
ayato: It's okay
I'm sure your friends aren't that bad
childe: will u kiss me
ayato: No I have a boyfriend
childe: FUUUUUUUCK
IM SO FUCJING UGLY 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
aether: there there
alhaitham: At least you're self aware
kaveh: ALHAITHAM U CANNOT DAY THAT
alhaitham: He's not as ugly as Cyno
Right, Tighnari
@Tighnari
tighnari: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I AGREE WITH YOU
😭😭
LEAVE ME ALONE I'M NOT EVEN AT THE DORMS LET ALONE ON CAMPUS
alhaitham: Ok
Can you tell your boyfriend I hate him
cyno: tell me urself
alhaitham: Ok
I hate you
thoma: What is happening 😭😭
dehya: Do NOT come to the Dendroculus dorm building it's always THEM.
ayato: Oh it's the same here in the Electroculus dorm building
Sara always wants to kick my ass for some reason
thoma: Okay half the time it's a very valid reason
ayato: What my boyfriend does to bother her is NOT my responsibility!!!
lisa: word up big dog
kaveh: 😭😭
kaeya: see this is what rosa says to me and then she beats me
dilcu: you like being beat.
kaeya: THAT IS COMPLETELY BESIDES THE POINT
aether: WHY ARE WE ADMITTING KINKS KN CHAT
childe: my brother just anster me rught kaeya
kaeya: 🥹🥹🥹🥹
u get me twin
hu tao: why tf is zhongli so cryptic
like
all i wanna know is ur roommates love life 😒
i literally watch his kid
kaeya: KID???
WHAT
DOES THIS ROOMMATE GO HERE?????
HOW OLD ARE THEY
hu tao: ummmmm
hes my cousin actually
hes 21
xingqui: WHAT YOU AND BAIZHU ARE COUSINS????
HE THREATENS TO BEAT OUR ASSES AND YOU JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE RELATED TO HIM??????
lisa: beat your asses with what muscles
lumine: i want childe's RA dead.
deceased at my doorstep.
actually ALL NARCISSISTS CAN DIE
beidou: SEE
SEEEEEEEEE
IM NOT CRAZY
chongyun: lets not get too hasty..
yunjin: BE NICE TO HER SHE'S LIKE MY STEP MOM
beidou: omg jinnie
my son son son sahur if u would
yunjin: Oh
Um
I'm scared who do I tell about this
ningguang: hmm
well
i would say me but i deal with that enough
yunjin: 😞
childe: son son son sahur
thats a good one
@baizhu do u want to make a son son son sahur with me
kaveh: HELLLOOOOOOOOOO
WHO THE FUCK EVEN ARE YOU
WHAT
THERES NO WAY BAI DOESNT LIKE PEOPLE WITH ORANGE HAIR
HE HAS A VERY DISTINCT TYPE
lisa: 😭😭
aether: im crying what
rosaria: we got a passionate princess here
kaveh: STOP.
baizhu: what the fuck is this
i'm trying to study
and here comes tighnari with "look at your phone bai you're in this new gc"
dehya: HEY GREEN HAIRED TWINK
beidou: ou
girl u better scram
childe: hey super sexy best friend that i love so much
baizhu: i thought i blocked you
childe: WHAT???????
kaeya: LMAL
NO ONE WANTS U AJAX
IM CRYING
childe: BAIZHU WHY WOULD U BLOCK ME I THOUGHT WE WERE COOL
baizhu: you taught my daughter curse words????
childe: oh
word up boss
can i take u to dinner
baizhu: oh did you switch to a comedy degree or something
tighnari: OKAY BAI WE NEED TO STUDY
LOG OFF.
hu tao: omg man of the hour
am i still watching qiqi tmrw
baizhu: no
kill yourself
kaveh: 😭😭
hu tao: OKAY JUST BECAUSE UR IN A PISSY MOOD
baizhu: YOU GOT SLIME IN HER HAIR LAST TIME NO YOU ARE NOT WATCHING HER.
GAMING IS WATCHING HER.
hu tao: okay
so
let me get this straight
GAMING
the genuine crack head
is watching YOUR TODDLER CHILD
xingqui: are you all cousins 😭😭
baizhu: sadly.
hu tao: U DONT EVEN LOOK LIKE US
GAMING LOOKS LIKE MY FUCKING TWIN
childe: 🤤
whole family fine
baizhu: I AM BLOCKING YOU.
lisa: do you get a period
dehya: His deriod
baizhu: I HAVE AN EXAM WORTH 40% OF MY GRADE TOMORROW LEAVE ME ALONE.
tighnari: GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND STUDY WITH ME THEN.
I'M LITERALLY IN YOUR ROOM WHILE QIQI CLIMBS ON ME.
baizhu: WHAT????
XIAO SAID HE WAS WATCHING HER.
aether: 🤤
xiao 🤤🤤🤤🤤
ayato: House is in CHAOS
ayaka: when isn't it..
ayato: Why are YOU here
ayaka: um
i don't know i was added!
yoimiya: d
ayaka: hi lovey
um
are you
thoma: She's high
ayaka: oh
childe: i need to get high too bro
diluc: you have football
childe: diluc
stfu
please
diluc: oh okay
kill yourself
thoma: Maybe let's add some positivity!
cyno: PAWSitivity
😂😂😂
tighnari: OH MY GOD SHUT UP
PLEASE
I'M TRYING TO STUDY
baizhu: IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR ANSWERING HIS CALL
aether: IF UR TRYING TO STUDY WHY WOULD U EVEN ANSWWRR
baizhu: EXACTLY.
hu tao: wow..
zhongli must hate u guys i feel like ur really loud
baizhu: okay.
look who’s talking.
FYI I HAVE BLACKMAIL ON ZHONGLI BEING LOUD WITH HIS
his
his
venti: say it
baizhu: what label do you even have on your relationship????
venti: exactly
childe: single hopefully
lumine: 😭😭
aether: CHURJIRNUDEHDW
CHIDLE.
Harbinger of Honors Society Dorms 🛡️
childe: I FUCKIMG HATE THIS GROUPCHAT
dottore: oh brother what now
arlecchino: what doesn’t go wrong in his life
childe: PANTALONE YOU ARE COSTING ME BADDIES OUT HERE BRO
pantalone: ??????
HOW IS THAT MY FAULT ASSHOLE
dottore: GET BEHIND ME KITTEN
pantalone: ???????
What is happening
childe: IVE ASKED LIKE 3 PEOPLE OUT AND THEY ALL SAID NO
signora: ou..
baby thats bad 😭😭
childe: i know 😞
i asked baizhu out and he said i was a comedian do i kms
signora: no that means he thinks ur funny and u should still continue!!!!
arlecchino: 😭😭😭
pantalone: Okay.
Do you just say shit to pmo.
childe: sometimes but
u fumbled a baddie and i was trying to get him
theres no harm in that
dottore: um bro code hello
signora: didnt..
ykw
nvm
sandrone: narcissistic ass bitch
fuck u
and fuck ur balenciaga shoes
dottore: not the balenci's
thats too far
sandrone: suck my toes
dottore: ok!
when and where i want those salty sweaty toes
sandrone: u might have to fight off rina for that right
signora: how do i remove someone from this chat
capitano: You can't 😭😭
I've tried
signora:
childe: YOU ALL HATE ME AND WANT ME TO DIE
signora: its okay drama queen ull find someone eventually
just
not today
capitano: 😭😭
Come to the team gc quickly Ajax
We are making plans
childe: baddies involved???????
capitano: Potentially
FOOTBALL FOOTBALL 🏈
diluc: BRO
QUIET.
varka: I'M JUST SAYING
Man
ajax: hello
where r the plans that require baddies
diluc: who told you that 😭😭
thrain: Oops
ajax: YOU ARE A LIAR
DUWJJZJQKXGWUJAMma
varka: We were trying to plan to go to the gym together and practice as a team
thoma: Yeah
I'm down
diluc: me too
varka: Uh huh
diluc: WTF DOES THAT MEAN VARKA.
varka: Nothin
Okay Im also down
Varka want gym
thrain: Me too
ajax: oh
im down
there might be a gym baddie 😈
varka: He gets it
thoma: Omg are you finally over Nicole??????
varka: Yes
I am
thrain: You're either lying or trolling
varka: I AM BE QUIET
IF U ASK ROSALYNE I WILL KILL U
I AM OVER HER
ajax: LMAOSKAPSK
can i have her 👀👀👀👀👀👀
varka: BRO CODE
thrain: Ajax this is the correct use of bro code because they broke up mutually
Stick with trying to steal Feo's ex
ajax: HE DONT WANT MEEEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
diluc: did you just realize this
thoma: Ayato said he said that you aren't his type but he still loves you anyways
ajax: AND I GOT FRIENDZONED????????
OH MY GDODDDDDDDDDDDD
whag is his type i can change
thoma: Ahem
Enhanced chest area..
ajax: ofc 😞
i cant even blame him
i need a big tiddied man too
varka: Not it
thrain: Not it
diluc: not it
ajax: ONG STFU
I DONT WANT ANY OF U
U ALL SUCK AND SMELL LIKE FUCJING SOCKS
except thoma hes chill
thoma: 😊
Thanks!
varka: WHAT????
IM NICE
ajax: ur sister isnt
varka: THATS HER NOT ME
ajax: guilty by association.
varka:
ajax: speaking of where is rostam
thrain: The dumbass broke his phone by throwing it out Rosalyne's window
diluc: ofc he did.
varka: 😭😭
What on gods green earth compelled him to do that
thrain: He has a hard time thinking okay.
Blame Columbina, she was singing and it distracted him
diluc: i just know she prays that whoever ends up with you is smart so it'll cancel out whatever idiot disease you have varka
varka: BRUH
ajax: 😭😭
THATS SO TRUE THO
varka: I KNOW DAMN WELL YOU AINT TALKING.
diluc: yeah mr. hopeless romantic
chongyun: hi what did i miss
ajax: HEYYYYYY WINGMAN
put me on with the one whos kid u babysit.
chongyun: um???????
im not hu tao 😭😭
varka: CHILD??????
IS THE MAMA BAD THO 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
diluc: mpreg????????
thoma: WHAT?????????
DILUC?????
diluc: hi
ajax: WHAT IS HAPPENING
NO VARKA
varka: SHE’S NOT BAD?????
chongyun: ohhhhhh
well she is actually he
ajax: omfg he is so fucking bad dude.
genuinely
hes been my crush ever since feofan brought him to that frat party
varka: Oh
Well I go both ways so its fine
chongyun: and his daughter is adorable!!!!!!!!
thoma: Can confirm!!!!!!
Ayato sends me pictures of her when he babysits!!
ajax: varka hands off i need a definite no before i move on
varka: 😭😭
Whatever dude
Chongyun are you up for going to the gym with us?
chongyun: yes!
just lmk which one
varka: Great
Ifa Itto and Dain already said they would be there
Lohens riding with me..
So its only 1 left
Itd be even better if Alhaitham actually answered his phone
alhaitham: Do you hate me?
varka:
ajax: u cant hate him hes autistic
alhaitham: I am going to the gym
varka: Okay good
alhaitham: If anyone I don’t like is there I will kill them.
thoma: Oh!
diluc: no it’s fine
if you make it look like an accident on the weight rack i’ll be your witness hai
alhaitham: Okay
Thanks
varka: WE ARE NOT KILLING ANYONE THIS IS A TEAM BONDING EXERCISE.
alhaitham: We can bond over burying a body too
chongyun: 😞
but thats scary
alhaitham: It’s okay
Thrain can hold your hand
thrain: ??????
MYSTERY SQUAD GO GO GO
chongyun: guys im going work out with my friends 😊
they said we might bury a body too so im a bit scared
hu tao: self proclaimed friends
lan yan: LEAVE HIM ALONE TAO.
its great youre making friends outside of us chongyun!
xingqui: let me guess
gym time with those football heathens..
chongyun: yup
itll be fun
and fine
ill have to get baizhu and beidou to drop me off when they go
yunjin: I forget you can't drive 😭😭
chongyun: CARS R SCARY
XINGQUI DRIVES ME OKAY.
xingqui: my little passenger princess!
xinyan: HEHSJSMXJKSLXJNX
IM CRYING?????
hu tao: thus is common knowledge
chongyun is the princess here
xiangling: and we love him for it!
gaming: whaddup yo
hu tao: KILL YOURSELF.
gaming: what did i do now
hu tao: WHY IS THAT STUPID IDIOT SNAKE BUTTHOLE LETTING U WATCH QIQI AND NOT ME???
gaming: ?????
he is?????
thats news to me 😭😭
hu tao: ...
lan yan: breathe...
it's okay...
xingqui: EVERYONE IN GEOCULUS DORMS EVACUATE HU TAO IS GOING TO EXPLODE.
hu tao: THAT LYING MOTHER FUCKER
ILL KILL HIM.
xinyan: ngl if u got slime in my kids hair id lie too 😭😭
yunjin: Literally
And I know for a FACT he doesn't have slime in his house because Zhongli banned it
hu tao: oh ok so everyone hates me
god forbid i try and introduce her to slime
gaming: she would literally eat slime
tao she is 2..
hu tao: AND?????
xiangling: toddlers learn by putting things in their mouths!!!!!
yaoyao gives my dad a heart attack when she decides to wander the kitchen
xinyan: fucking toddler on free roam who let her do that 😭😭