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It was a hot and humid Friday evening in July when he strolled into PTMC with a spring in his step. Of course he always had a bit of a spring due to his prosthetic but this was different. He was on the last day of three consecutive 12 hour shifts with a rare full weekend off to look forward to. A weekend that included the first date he had been on in years. A date that if you had told him was happening just a few months ago, he wouldn’t have believed you. A date with Samira Mohan. He just had to make it through this shift.
He walked up to central hub feeling less tense than usual before a shift and placed his backpack under the desk where Dana was standing, “Hey Slugger. How’s the day treated ya?”
“Well don’t you look like the cat that got the cream?” Dana greeted him while ignoring his question.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said while glancing around the ED trying to get the lay of the land for the night.
“Bullshit. You’ve got a grin on your face and a fucking twinkle in your eye! You finally did it, didn’t you?”
“Again. No idea what you’re talking about.” He tried playing nonchalant.
“Ummhmm. Sure you don’t. I’m on to you Abbot.” Dana looked at him from above her glasses.
“Just remember to be a gentleman, open her door, bring her flowers and don’t lovebomb her on the first date. At least I think that’s what the kids call it. Anyways I’m just telling you this because I know you're a little rusty. I’m happy for ya. She's a good one. Don’t mess it up.” She slapped him on the arm before turning around to go help one of the techs with something.
That was one way to start a shift. Leave it to Dana to catch on to him that quickly when he had barely just walked into the building. How she could possibly even know something was going on was beyond him, it wasn’t like he was giving out his personal business for free. He knew he had to tone it down or Ellis and Shen would know immediately. What there was to tone down, he wasn’t sure exactly but his face must have been giving something away. How do you get a twinkle out of your eye? Also, what the hell was lovebombing?
Before he could get his bearings, Robby approached him for handoff and gave him the rundown on how many beds were available and how long the wait time was in chairs. It seemed dayshift hadn’t been a total shitshow and they may be able to make a decent dent in chairs given there wasn’t back to back traumas. He voiced these somewhat optimistic thoughts out loud hoping maybe they would stick.
“You feeling alright?” Robby asked as soon as they made it back in front of the board.
He gave Robby a confused look, if anyone should be asking that question, it was him. Robby was the one who had been having an ongoing mental health crisis the past however many years and had refused therapy up until recently following the sabbatical incident. Jack wasn’t sure if some days he was doing better or if any progress was being made at all.
“I’m fine. Why? Do I look like shit?” He joked.
“No, actually you seem kind of… chipper. You got something or someone you want to tell me about, Abbot?”
Great, now he had Robby guessing about his love life. As if he could tell him the reason for his good mood. Robby has been a friend for years but he had also been the main reason why Samira had doubted herself and started to question her place as a doctor during her R4 year. Deteriorating mental health aside, Robby could be a bit of a dick and a lot of those dickish tendencies were taken out on residents. He hadn’t been witness to any of their conversations, seeing as the three of them were never on the same shift but he had heard comments. He had heard the “slow-mo” nickname which had thankfully and rightfully died down after Pittfest. She had helped run the red zone during a MCI, “slow-mo” his ass.
He only recently found out about the panic attack fiasco and had wanted to throttle Robby but Samira had told him it was in the past and to not confront him about it. So, he was going to listen to Samira as always and when she felt it was time for him to mention it to Robby then he would. Preferably somewhere outside of PTMC, in case he needed to put him in his place.
He shrugged, “Nah, must have just been a good day’s sleep. Beats the roof I guess.”
Robby gave him a suspicious look and laughed. “That it does. Well if you ever want to talk, I’m here.”
“Yeah, yeah don’t go getting mushy on me Robinavitch. Go home, we got this.” He clapped Robby on the shoulder hoping to send him on his way before another trauma rolled in.
-
Shortly after handoff, he gave his nightly speech to the nightcrawlers and then made the rounds to start clearing up some beds. Somewhere around midnight, he and Ellis had been pulled into trauma one for a MVC. Their night was in full force after stabilizing a pelvis fracture and sending the patient up to surgery in what seemed like record timing. Ellis had done a hell of a job so he made sure to sing her praises as they walked out of the room.
“Excellent work as always, Parker. Glad to have you back on nights, even if it's for the week. Day shift stole a good one.”
Ellis turned around and gave him somewhat of a perplexed look. “Compliments before sunrise? What’s gotten into you Abbot?”
It was his turn to give her a puzzled look. “What do you mean? I’ve always given you compliments.”
“Yeah, but they are usually a bit more gruff. When I made the change over to days all you said was ‘come back when you're tired of Robby’s shit’. What’s gotten into you? I thought you were gonna scare Toomarian with how enthusiastic your hooah was earlier.” Ellis said as they made it back to central and she pulled up to a computer to start charting.
As he leaned against the desk, he crossed his arms and shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just in a good mood.”
“Damn boss, if I knew better, I would think you were getting laid… Wait a minute! Oh shit! You finally did it, didn't you? You asked her out?”
He sighed, he should have known he wouldn’t make it through the night without Ellis finding out. Not calling in sick was sounding more like a mistake by the minute. “I have no idea who you are referring to.”
“Oh come on. Don’t play coy with me boss. There’s only one person I could possibly be talking about.”
“Yeah, I still have no clue who you are talking about.”
Ellis laughed, “Okay, fine if you wanna play that game I’ll play. Could the reason you're in such a good ass mood have to do with you finally manning up and asking out a gorgeous, 5’6 doctor who you once said and I quote was the ‘future of medicine’ and just so happens to have started her fellowship at Presby last week?”
Beyond tired at this point, he rubbed his hands across his face and then dropped them back into his usual parade rest. Guess it was time to give up the act. “If you are referring to Mohan, then no I didn’t ask her out.”
Ellis looked confused, “Well if you didn’t ask her out then why such the good mood? You can’t be that happy about your weekend.”
Here it was, time for the moment of truth. “She asked me.”
“Holy shit, for real? Wow. Way to go Samira. A woman that knows what she wants. My kind of woman.” Ellis smirked at him.
He gave her an empty stare. “Really?”
“Oh come on now, don’t go getting jealous on me Abbot. I’m just glad someone had the balls between the two of you to finally break that tension and get the ball rolling. Plus, now you don’t have the whole attending and resident thing to blame, not like you were ever her main attending in the first place. So, when’s the hot date?”
“Tomorrow night or today I guess and the attending and resident thing was a very valid excuse thank you very much. Also, don’t go around telling anyone, especially Shen. I already feel like I have a sign on my back saying "ask me about my date’.”
“Don’t tell Shen what?” the man himself asked, walking up to them with his Dunkin already in hand.
“Mohan and Abbot are finally going out tomorrow, no thanks to loverboy here. She asked him out.” Ellis looked up from her computer with a big grin.
This time he glared at her, “Literally, what did I just say?”
“Nice. It's about time you crazy kids went out. You have been in love with her before I was even an attending,” Shen said between sips of coffee.
“Exactly!” Ellis said at the same time he said, “I’m not in love with her. It's just a date.” Which he knew wasn’t true. It wasn’t just a date. It was a date with Samira Mohan. It was the first date he was going on since Emily had passed a few years ago. A date with the first and only woman he had feelings for since his late wife. A date, if he was being honest, was something he was truly terrified of screwing up. The fact that Samira was even giving him a chance blew his mind. And yeah, he was already a little bit in love with her but they didn’t have to know that.
“Psshh, not in love? Okay. I don’t have time to deal with you old man. I’m gonna go check on my patient in South 20.” Ellis said resigned while getting up to go check on said patient.
“Okay” sighed Shen. “I’ll bite. Why do you say you're not in love with her? I mean it's clear as day. You get a twinkle in your eye anytime someone mentions her ”
Again with the fucking twinkle. “Its not that I’m not in love with her and that’s not even the point. Look, we haven’t even gone on this date yet and it’s the first since my wife. I don’t want to screw it up before anything has even happened by coming on too strong.” He couldn’t believe he was having this talk with Shen out of all people.
“So, let me get this straight. You're scared right? Just like any normal person would be, especially after having not been on a date in years. That doesn’t mean you're not in love with her, it just makes you human. And humans make mistakes, it's what you do with those mistakes that counts. Don’t overthink it, go get her tiger.”
In between sips of his Dunkin, John Shen was giving him life wisdom. Is this what his life has come to? “Yeah, I’m not having this conversation with you. I’m going to check on the abdominal pain in Central 12.”
“You know it’s okay to feel big emotions!” Shen shouted at him while he walked away. And if anyone had seen him flip the bird behind his back then so be it.
-
Eventually, Friday night had fully bled into Saturday morning. It was around 6am when he found himself in the ambulance bay trying to take a breather after another MVC that had come in right before 5. The shift had both flown by and dragged all at the same time. Just one more hour and then he could go home and get some rest, that is if his brain would let him. He was already nervous about the date, pretty much had been since the phone call that changed everything.
They had fallen into a habit of weekly phone calls shortly after the beginning of Samira’s R4 year. He wasn’t sure when or how she had gotten his phone number, their usual outside work of correspondence being emails, which hadn’t been much up until then. First, it had been her calling to ask for a recommendation letter after forgetting to ask at handoff. Next, it was him calling to make sure she had received the letter in her email and asking what fellowships she was applying for. Before he knew it, they had fallen into a routine of calling each other week when their shifts didn’t overlap. At the beginning, it had mostly been them discussing the current case studies they were reading but after a while the calls became more personal. Neither one of them were really up to gossiping in the hospital, unlike some of their colleagues, so they found their weekly calls to be a debrief about anything and everything that was happening among their coworkers. Towards the end of her time at PTMC, she had started confiding in him more. She told him about how nervous she was to be starting over at a new hospital, even if that new hospital was Presby. She had told him about her original plans to go back to New Jersey to be with her mom and how all of it fell through, which is how he found out she had a panic attack during her 4th of July shift. The same shift she had helped patch up the wound he had gotten from the bullet that had grazed his back, a secret between them.
It was during their phone call of her last week at PTMC, that she had changed everything between them. It had started off as all of their calls had, talking about something interesting they had seen in a medical journal and then quickly turned into joking about who would win the new betting pool at work. She mentioned how she was going to miss PTMC’s ED and her coworkers, him the most out of everyone. He told her that she would be missed, especially by him, and how they would be losing their smartest and most competent doctor. Then she said that she hoped they could still have their weekly phone calls and the words he would never forget.
“Or, I don’t know, maybe we could go out sometime? Like on a date?” He remembers it feeling like a gut punch, but in the best possible way. He’s also pretty sure that Samira had thought he had accidentally hung up on her because of the amount of time he had gone silent. After he finally remembered how to speak, he told her he would love to and now has since been in a perpetual state of nervousness. And look, he doesn’t really get nervous anymore. Surviving multiple deployments and years of being an attending in a level one trauma center will do that to you. However, Samira Mohan was the exception. She made him nervous.
“So, a little birdy told me you and Mohan were finally making it official.” His thoughts were broken up as he turned around to see Emery Walsh walking out of the automatic doors, towards him.
“Let me guess, that little birdy’s name is Parker Ellis.”
Walsh laughed as she stopped beside him. “No it was actually Shen but I’m sure Parker would’ve told me eventually. Shen said she’s been tied up with a couple of drunk college kids.”
He let out a long sigh. “Can’t say I’m surprised, if it's not one it's the other minding my personal business. And don’t you have a surgery or consultation you need to be doing instead of being out here bothering me about my personal life?”
“I’m never busy enough to give you shit Abbot,” she said, smirking up at him. “So, are you gonna tell me about how you finally worked up the nerve to ask Mohan out or do I need to ask Shen about that too?”
“Well it seems John needs to do a better job if he’s not going to be minding his business. He left out the most important part.” He scoffed.
“Yeah? What’s that?”
“I didn’t ask her out. She asked me.”
It was silent for a moment, then she let out a laugh. “Of course she did. Good for her. It’s not like you were ever going to. You were just going to let her go to Presby and go back to brooding like the lovesick idiot you are.”
“I don’t brood and I’m not lovesick.”
“Please,” she scoffed. “You are the definition of lovesick. You’ve what? Had a crush on her since she did that night rotation her R2 year? Then I guess at some point in the last year you must have realized the infatuation was actually love but you were too afraid to admit it to yourself. Which I don’t know how, these past few months it’s like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You don’t seem like you're one awful shift away from letting the bad thoughts win.”
He rubbed his hands across his tired eyes. He didn’t like being read so easily, leave it up to Emery Walsh to do it before the sun had risen. “First Dana, then Ellis and Shen and now you? God, am I that obvious?”
“Yes, you are. I mean come on everyone knows you're in love with her. I’ve known it since you cut me off to let her do a pigtail catheter when she was a R3! The whole night shift knows it because they saw you make moon eyes at her every time she picked up a shift. Dana probably knows it because of the little love notes or should I say ‘annotations’ you used to leave on top of the article printouts you would leave for her. And yes, I know about them. The only reason Robby doesn’t know is because he’s too much in his own head to notice anything else.”
Yeah, he really didn’t like being read this easily. He guessed if he was gonna have this talk it was better with Walsh than Shen. “You’re right. I love her and she makes me feel like I don’t have to go stand on the roof every time I have a shitty shift. I’m just scared. I haven’t felt this way since Emily. And if I’m already admitting to myself that I’m in love with her that makes me even more afraid of fucking it up and I don’t want to fuck it up. Hell, I’m lucky I’m even getting a chance. She can do a lot better. There, happy?”
Walsh let out a little laugh before fully turning towards him, making sure she had his undivided attention. “Very, but look, I know I didn’t know you that long before your wife passed away but I know how you were then and how you’ve been since. I don’t know if it’s the therapy or Samira but I can see some of that Abbot coming back. Don’t let him slip away. He was a good guy. You're a good guy. Mohan wouldn’t settle for any less.”
And damn it if he didn’t feel some moisture in his eyes. He sniffled before clearing his throat. “Geez Emery, it’s not even 7am yet. At least let a guy finish his shift first before you start making him deal with his emotions. You sure you shouldn’t have gone into psychiatry?”
“Oh come on Abbot, you’ve had it worse and we both know I could never do psychiatry” she said, patting him on the arm. “Okay. I gotta go make sure they don’t need me to cut into anyone before shift change. I expect all the details about your date next week.” She said while walking back towards the ambulance bay doors.
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll hear about it before you see me,” he muttered under his breath.
“And Jack?” He turned around to face Walsh again, who was now just outside the doors.
“If it makes it any easier, I think she’s already in love with you too. You weren’t the only one making moon eyes,” she said before walking back into the hospital like she hadn’t just left him feeling like he had just done a round of therapy and dumbstruck with the idea of Samira being in love with him. The thought alone gave him heart palpitations which means the date will probably send him into cardiac arrest. God forbid she ever says the words to him, she might actually put him in the grave.
As if she could sense that she was driving him mad with thought of her alone, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket with a text from Samira. She must have woken up at her normal time, despite being off for the day.
Samira Mohan: Good morning! Or I guess I should say good evening? lol. Never really knew what to say after a night shift. Anyways I hope your shift wasn’t too crazy and you can get some rest today. Also how fancy do I need to dress tonight? Call me when you get off?
The tears in his eyes dried up and a smile slowly started to form on his face as the warm feeling that he had begun to associate with everything Samira spread through his chest. A text, a phone call, the dimple that appeared when she smiled, her laugh that he was slowly getting to hear more of each day, it all left that feeling of warmth. A feeling that he knew, and everyone else it seemed, was love. He had missed that feeling.
He walked back towards the ambulance bay doors with a smile on his face, hell probably a twinkle in his eye too, texting back Samira. Less than an hour and he would be on the phone with Samira, planning their date. He just had to make it through the rest of his shift.