Chapter Text
11 years ago
"How did you know where to find us?" Chan asks Officer San weakly. The officer adjusts the blanket around his shoulders and sighs. They are sitting in the police station giving their statement of events leading up to the arrest of Minho and Hyunjin.
"Your friend, Seungmin, gave us a call frantically explaining that you all had suspicions of Mr. Hwang being involved with the disappearance of your friends and how you decided to use yourself as bait?" his voice goes up at the end in the form of a question. Chan gives a small affirmative nod. Officer San continues, "Well, he says you stopped responding to his text messages, which is very uncharacteristic of you so he called me. Incheon isn't my jurisdiction, so I called in a favor to a good friend of mine who sent units to your last known location. You should thank your friend, Mr. Bang".
Chan looks over at Jisung and Felix who were both curled up in chairs, wrapped in blankets, eyes wide with sadness. He sighs and rolls his shoulders back. "There was no scenario in which I wasn't getting my babies out of there once I laid eyes on them", his voice is grave and deadly. "Mr. Hwang is lucky you guys arrived before I was done with him. Him and that piece of shit Lee Minho should NEVER walk the streets again. And if they do, they better hope I don't find out about it. Next time it's between us or them, they're not making it out alive."
His eyes are full of rage and Officer San knows he means every word.
Because he absolutely does.
11 years later
Jisung adjusts the headphones on his head again and takes a deep breath. Recording 16 bars for this song should be routine to him by now after 6 years, but he finds himself struggling to hold back the anxiety today. His ears are beginning to sweat under the headphones and he feels his heart thumping uncomfortably in his chest.
Chan voice cuts in through the speakers, "Sungie, babe, are you okay? Do you need a break?" Jisung startles slightly and exhales a deep breath. He shakes his head 'no' to Chan and then nods to himself in reassurance. He can do this, he's got this. "Okay, let's start over from the last line. The rest is good". Jisung nods again, his heart racing faster. He closes his eyes and takes three more deep breaths which do nothing to stop his legs from buckling. He slinks to the floor and clutches his knees to his chest. I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm in the studio. Chan is here. Changbin is here. I'm fine. It's fine, he thinks to himself to calm his thoughts.
"Sung, are you okay?" comes Changbin's voice. He reaches out to rub Jisung's back, but his body goes tense. "Hey, look at me. Everything is okay. You're safe. You're with us", he hears Changbin saying. Chan appears next to Changbin and Jisung instantly relaxes. Both of his friends are here. He is safe. His breath slows down, his heart begins to relax, and his body flops backwards.
"Fuck, I hate this", Jisung whispers barely loud enough where Chan and Changbin can here. "Imagine being so pathetic that you're still having panic attacks about shit that happened a decade ago". He sighs and drags his hands over his face.
"You are NOT pathetic. The hell kind of shit is that to say about my best friend and first son?" Chan says, playfully smacking Jisung's leg. "Come on. Get up. We're going to grab food". He and Changbin each grab an arm and pulls Jisung to standing.
"Let's go to your favorite spot, Sung. The one with the cheesecake you like?" Changbin offers, smacking Jisung on the back.
"You paying?" Jisung tries to force his tone to be playful and light. Changbin smiles at him fondly and shakes his head, patting his back again. "Sure, Sungie. Anything for you", he says.
"As if I'd let you pay", Chan huffs. "You know I always end up paying, anyway".
They bicker about who is going to pay all the way to the parking deck and then part for their separate cars, having parked on different levels.
Jisung makes his way to his car and rummages for his keys in his messenger bag. He glances behind him briefly to see a figure disappear behind one of the spandrels across the parking deck and pauses, adjusting his glasses to get a clearer look but sees nothing. He shakes his head and exhales. He tells himself nothing is there. He finally finds his keys, unlocks the car, and gets in then immediately locks the doors twice after. He inhales and exhales again, staring at the same spot where he was sure he was seeing things. "Sung, you've been seeing shit for years now. There's nothing there. Let's go", he says to himself. He turns the car ignition on, sets his music to his kpop and hip hop playlist, and then pulls off.
His drive to the restaurant is calming and he finds himself relaxed again as he pulls up. Way more relaxed than he was a mere 30 minutes ago. He looks in his mirror to brush his fingers through his hair a few times and adjust his glasses. Once he closes the overhead mirror, he takes a deep breath and steadies himself again. Crowded places had become just as nerve wracking as empty ones after the kidnapping, but he loved this place and loved hanging out with his friends and co-producers. He was going to make it his mission to enjoy himself, so he got out of the car, locking it twice for good measure, and then strode into the restaurant.
He spots Chan and Changbin at a table near the entrance and takes the seat next to Changbin. "What up? What were you guys talking about?" he says casually, drumming his palms on the table. He looks between the two of them for a moment when they don't respond but instead stare at each other, a look of confusion drawing upon his face. "What's wrong?"
"Chan thinks Felix is going to break up with him", Changbin says, gesturing towards Chan and relaxing to rest his arm across the back of Jisung's chair.
Jisung looks at Chan bewildered. "What? Why would you think that?" he asks, eyes big and surprised. He pushes his round spectacles up on his nose and rests his chin on his hand, waiting.
After a beat, Chan shrugs and sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's just a feeling. He's been distant and irritable towards me", he says weakly.
Changbin shakes his head at his big dummy of a friend. "Have you even asked him about it?" he asks.
"I've tried? Every time I bring it up, he snaps at me and tells me to leave it alone and that he's fine", Chan replies. "How am I supposed to figure out what I could have done wrong if he won't even talk to me?"
"Damn, that's tough", Jisung says. "I mean, he did tell me those guys at work have been ramping up their antics. Could it be that?" he offers.
Chan frowns in confusion and concern. "What guys at work?" he asks.
Jisung looks at him in surprise. "You don't know? I assumed he told you about it. Oh my God, Lix is going to kill me", he responds. He looks down at the table suddenly feeling uncomfortable and warm.
Chan's frown deepens into frustration and irritation. "No, he didn't tell me. What's the deal with these guys?" he asks, taking a sip of his water. He squints at Jisung with the glare of a parent asking about their kid's bad report card. Jisung hates that look and it makes him increasingly uncomfortable. He and Felix had always agreed not to indulge more to each other's partners than they were comfortable with without asking the other first. He squirms in his seat under Chan's intense glare.
To his relief, a waitress interrupts to take their orders. They order food and more drinks for the table with Chan also ordering slices of cheesecake for them all.
Jisung takes this moment to take in his friend's appearance. He hadn't noticed how tired and stressed Chan looked earlier when they were in the studio, but now it was hard not to see. He knew Chan and Felix were having problems in their relationship, but he assumed it was petty things. Felix rarely ever talked about their relationship issues and he had assumed that his Sunshine twin would confide in him if it were something big, but apparently he had been very wrong in his assumption.
Once the waitress leaves, Chan returns his attention back to Jisung expectantly. Jisung squirms uncomfortably again, twisting the silver band on his index finger.
"Well, he says some guys at work have been.. Bothering him. Little petty things", Jisung says uneasily. He is unsure of how much he should indulge and whether he should just tell Chan to ask Felix. He spins his ring more frantically. He hopes that Chan will just take the non-answer he gave him, but he knows his friend is insistent, at best.
"Bothering him how? What kind of petty little things? C'mon, Sungie. If someone is bothering my man, I need to know what's going on", Chan urges. Jisung sighs and rubs his temples. Felix is going to be PISSED, he thinks.
"Hyung, you know I make it my mission to stay out of you and Felix's relationship, BUT"- he holds his hands up in surrender when Chan gets ready to protest. "BUT I will have mercy on you this ONE time and tell you what I know. HOWEVER, you cannot do that Chan thing you do. He has to handle this on his own or he could lose his license. Understood?"
"Understood. Wait- what 'Chan thing'?" Chan asks. He looks at Changbin who looks away and takes a sip of his drink. Chan purses his lips.
"That thing where you go beat people up or rough them up in the name of 'protecting' us", Jisung does air quotes, "It's not sustainable and you're lucky we have police connections or your ass would have been in prison for assault by now", Jisung says sternly, leaning in towards Chan make his point. "Anyway", he continues. "There's some guys at work who keep making homophobic comments towards him. They also found out about the kidnapping thing and keep calling him Baby Doll and leaving baby doll accessories in his locker. He says he's gathering evidence of harassment to take to the board, so he's handling it".
"That is fucked up", Changbin says after a beat. "What kind of fucked up person can you be to joke about something like that?" Jisung hums and nods in agreement.
"Chan, I see your wheels turning. Do NOT intervene. He is handling it", Jisung states firmly, pointing down at the table. "Let him handle it, hyung".
Chan grunts in frustration, clicks his tongue, and huffs. "Fine. I'll let him handle it. I'm just pissed that he didn't even think to tell me. Like at all. Makes me wonder if he ever was", he relents.
"I definitely think he was, but I think he was more afraid to tell you because he didn't want you to stress out about it or do something drastic like you're prone to do", Jisung responds.
"Yeah, hyung, you're hard headed as fuck and don't listen. Remember last year when some guy wouldn't take 'no' for an answer when he asked Felix for his number and you broke his arm?" Changbin reminds him casually.
"He was harassing him AND grabbed his ass", Chan says harshly. "He's lucky all I did was break his arm".
"No, you're lucky the bastard chose not to press charges, pabo!", Changbin bites back. "You really need to get your anger issues under control or you'll fuck things up for us, yourself, and Felix". They stare at each other for a moment before the waitress arrives with their food.
The tension fades as they eat while discussing their projects and making jokes. Despite how dinner started, Jisung realizes he quite enjoyed himself once the tension had faded.
Felix slams the door to his locker shut and rests his forehead against the door to calm the heat rising in his neck and head. He looks down at the fake baby bottle in his hand and lets out a frustrated exhale. He looks up to see 3 nurses snickering at him. They've been bullying him for nearly a year and, for a moment, Felix considers saying forget gathering evidence and beating their asses himself, but he enjoys nursing too much and worked too hard for his license to throw it away. So, he does what he's done daily. He walks with his chin up and head held high as he makes his way out of the locker room. He throws the baby bottle away and walks out as Nurse Seojun, the ring leader, shouts at his back, "Bye, Baby Doll! See you tomorrow!". The other two cackle.
Felix makes his way to the staff parking deck, checking over his shoulder to be sure none of the bully nurses or doctors are following him to his car this time. He has a flashback to 3 weeks ago when Doctor Kang had followed him to his car and grabbed him. He tries to shake away the memory, feeling tears crawling their way up and that familiar tingle in his nose.
"Is is true they call you Baby Doll? Because I'd love for you to be mine", Doctor Kang had said.
"That's not my name. My name is Felix", he had responded firmly.
"Come on, Baby Doll. Be my good little doll"
Doctor Kang had grabbed him and pinned him against the wall with his body.
"See, I knew you would like this. You look just like a baby doll. So pretty"
He pushed Doctor Kang away and ran. He was lucky to have gotten away that night.
Felix presses the heel of his hands to his eyes and smacks himself gently to shake the memory. He takes deep breaths to steady himself as he unlocks his car door, gets inside, and locks himself in. The silence in the car instantly calming him enough for the weight of the day to come crashing down and he sobs. He wants to call Chan and hear his voice, but he knows he can't go to his boyfriend about this without him making things worse. He wishes Chan would trust that he could handle himself. Ever since Hyunjin had kidnapped him, he had been extremely overprotective. It was reassuring at the beginning, but now it felt suffocating. He wanted to be able to vent without Chan taking it to the extreme. So he holds it all in until he can't and lets himself feel in this brief moments alone.
He gives himself 10 minutes to lose his compusure before he wipes his tears and recomposes himself. He fixes his hair, wipes his face with a wet wipe, and breathed out. He turns the car engine on and chooses to turn the radio off, opting for silence as he makes his way home. He comforts himself with the idea of taking a shower when he gets home and then watching a movie, cuddled on the couch with Chan.
The moment Felix walks in the door, his hopes of taking a shower and relaxing flies out of the window when he observes the tension in Chan's shoulders as he stands at the kitchen counter. He is leaned over the counter looking at something on his phone and snacking on slices of apple. Felix approaches the kitchen and puts his bag on the floor by the kitchen island and sighs. Chan looks up at him and stiffens.
"Hey, jagi", Felix greets him tiredly, prepared for the inevitable argument.
"Hey", Chan responds quietly. He puts his apple slice down and stands up, folding his arms.
"What's for dinner?" Felix smiles weakly.
"Fried chicken. The boys and I went out for dinner so I brought you something home", Chan responds, gesturing to a takeout box sitting on the counter.
"Aww, thanks babe", Felix coos, walking around the counter and wrapping his arms around Chan's middle. He feels Chan relax instantly and sighs.
"Why didn't you tell me you're being harassed at work?" Chan asks quietly. He feels Felix tense against him then withdraw.
"Because I didn't want another Central Park incident. Or another mall incident. Or another Honey Cafe incident. Or another-"
Chan puts his hands up to stop Felix. "Okay, okay, I get your point. I still should have known, Felix", Chan argues.
"Your temper is why I didn't tell you. You can't tell me you wouldn't have tried to handle this on your own despite my wishes", Felix pouts. Chan opens his mouth to say something and then closes it. "Exactly". Felix shakes his head and sighs. He begins to walk away, but Chan grabs him around his waist and pulls him back placing kisses against his neck.
"Come on, yeobo. I'm sorry. I'm working on it, okay?" he soothes. "I'll let you handle it. Just don't hold anything like this from me again. Please? You had me thinking I was losing you". He trails more kisses along Felix's neck.
"Chris, if you can get your temper under control, you will lose me", Felix turns to face Chan. He looks up at him with a pout. "When I feel like I can't talk to you because of how you'll react, it makes me feel alone", he whines, tears welling up in his eyes. "I've felt alone this whole time". The tears finally win and stream down his cheeks.
"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry", Chan replies, scooping Felix up in a big hug. Felix sobs in Chan's arms. "I'm so sorry. I'll do better. I promise. Just give me a chance, okay?" Felix nods against his chest.
"How did you find out?" he looks up at Chan with his big puppy dog eyes and Chan melts. "Did Ji say something? I asked him not to".
"Please don't be mad at him. He assumed I knew by now by how upset I was and I kind of… Scared it out of him", Chan smiles sheepishly. Felix frowns and punches his arm.
"What do you mean you 'scared it out of him'? What did you do to him?" Felix asks angrily.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Do you think I'd hurt my first baby? Babe, I would never! I just gave him the 'Dad look' I know he hates", Chan soothes. He pulls Felix close and kisses his cheek. He feels Felix relax into it. "Can't believe you'd think I'd hurt my Sungie".
"Well, when you get mad enough, you're scary…" Felix trails off. He plays with Chan's necklace to avoid looking up at his boyfriend's disappointed face.
"Just know I would never hurt any of you guys. You're the love of my life and those are my kids. Even Seungmin", he jokes. Felix smiles and Chan has to fight the urge to snatch him up and spin him around. He trails kisses along Felix's jaw and Felix leans into it, wrapping his arms around Chan's neck.
"Can we cuddle on the couch after my shower?" Felix asks, pulling back to look up at Chan with puppy dog eyes.
"Of course, baby. Anything for you", Chan says smiling fondly. He kisses the man he loves on the lips and thinks of how lucky he is to have him here. Safe and sound.
Jisung pulls into his driveway and gets out of the car, locking the door twice for good measure. He checks his mailbox and sees a red envelope on top of the stack. He inspects the envelope, but there's no return label. Just his name: Jisungie with a heart next to it. He looks around, sees no one before makeing his way inside and making sure all 4 locks on his door are locked.
He toes his shoes off by the door, places his bag by the couch and plops down on the couch to open the letter:
To my Jisungie:
I've missed you so much. I cannot wait to see you. We have so much catching up to do. Are you being good for me?
Yours,
LM
He stares at the letter for a bit before turning it over and inspecting both sides. The back is blank as he suspected it would be. He goes to toss the envelope on his coffee table when two small photos fall out. One is his college graduation headshot and the other is a headshot from the first company he ever interned for. Someone from college? How would they have my address? he thinks. He shrugs and tosses the photos onto his coffee table.
Standing up and stretching, he sees movement by his window. His blood runs cold. He runs to the window and looks through the blinds, but sees nothing. Jisung, you're tripping and seeing things, he thinks. He looks for a bit longer before shaking his head and going off to his room to take a shower. It had been 6 months since he'd started having hallucinations again and at first, he attributed them to stress and overworking himself. Dr. Jung had warned him that extreme stress could cause them to return. He had spent 2 months in the Park Memorial mental health facility after his kidnapping having hallucinations and flashbacks of Minho and Hyunjin returning and torturing him, so when the hallcuinations returned 6 months ago, he refused to mention it to anyone for fear of being placed back in the facility.
I'm seeing things. I need to talk to Dr. Jung about what I've been seeing. I think I'm losing my mind, he thinks as he closes the door to the shower. He misses the shadow moving outside of his bedroom window.