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Dick tries not to make too much noise as he stumbles through the front door and catches sight of the extra pair of boots by the entrance way, even though he knows it won’t matter; any noise is enough noise when you’ve got Bruce’s training compounded with Talia’s, compounded with a childhood spent in a Park Row apartment and on the streets. He still tries though, because there’s a difference between Jason dozing between asleep and awake, and reaching for the knife he keeps in the bedside table with the intent of fighting an intruder.
It’s getting less strange to come home and find someone already in his apartment, more so since he gave Jason his own key to stop him breaking in. But it’s still an adjustment and he finds himself focusing on all the little things that have changed since Jason started staying over: the new knitted blanket over the back of the sofa; the extra coffee mug out by the machine; the extra towel in the bathroom; the fact none of his houseplants are dying; a stack of paperbacks on the floor near the armchair in the corner of his room. They’re little changes that started making his apartment feel like home in a way he never realised were missing.
But it’s the sight of messy curls spread out on one of his pale blue pillows that truly emphasises the feeling of home.
Jason doesn’t stir, but Dick knows it’s not because his presence hasn't woken him, but because he’s just in the space between sleep and awake where he’ll be able to easily fall back asleep once Dick’s in bed with him. He looks younger and less troubled in his sleep, the way he also sometimes looks when he’s lost in a good book or laughing at a bad joke, like he hasn’t got a care in the world.
“I mean, was Jason even born when that came out?”
Dick swallows and forces the thought away as he sets his water down on the bedside table. He knows it was just an offhand comment, the kind of usual joking he and his workmates do; he just feels like it’s been happening more and more often lately. Logically he knows it’s probably just because more people know about them now. But knowing doesn’t stop the usual insecurities about their age gap and life experience creeping in.
He refuses to dwell on it tonight though as he slips under the covers and fits himself against Jason’s back.
Dick doesn’t know who is still adjusting to having everyone home for the occasional breakfast at the manor more: him or Bruce.
It’s both incredibly strange and comforting to have everyone together in a room that used to hold only 3 of them at most. But Dick thinks he could get used to it; it always seems to settle some restless part of his soul that still yearns for the companionship that came from living surrounded by people in the circus.
It’s just that he could do without the looks Bruce keeps shooting towards him and Jason.
Dick can’t fault Bruce’s hyper-protectiveness of Jason (even though he thinks, like Jason, that it goes too far sometimes) because Bruce was there when Jason died and had to deal with everything in the aftermath. He just doesn’t understand why the protectiveness is aimed at him. Surely, out of everyone Jason could choose to have a relationship with, Dick is the one person Bruce shouldn’t have to be worried about, right?
Dick said as much a few weeks prior when he’d had a moment alone with Bruce to just try and understand where it was coming from.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Bruce…”
“...Can you blame me with the life experience gap between you? Not to mention your age gap. You have bounds more experience than Jason, no matter how much I trust you, that worries me.”
“Jason’s not a kid anymore, B. He can make his own choices now.”
Safe to say it wasn’t the most productive conversation and he still hasn’t mentioned it to Jason. He knows Jason finds Bruce’s apparent displeasure of their relationship hilarious, but he also knows Jason thinks that displeasure stems purely from their flimsy family relation and so he doesn’t know how Jason would react if he knew the truth.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, boy wonder?” Jason almost makes him jump, even though he’s speaking quietly enough for the others not to overhear. “I’ve never seen you eat Alfred’s eggs this slow.”
Dick swings his gaze round to meet Jason’s eyes, seeing the worry laced with the now green-blue. “Just thinking about the case I’m currently working on. I might be out late tonight.”
“Me too, I’ve got a meeting with my guys. I can swing by yours after with take-out?” Jason words it like it’s a question, but they both know he will anyway, no matter Dick’s answer, because once Jason is even remotely worried about someone, he will always check in.
“It’s a date, little wing.” Dick says, finding himself matching the small smile Jason gives him with ease.
Jason still gets nervous around the Titans (Roy and Kori, and to an extent, Donna, excluded now, of course) and though he tries to hide it, Dick knows him too well to not pick up on it. It causes guilt to gnaw in his stomach because he knows he’s partially to blame for the way most of them treated Jason in the direct aftermath of his fallout with Bruce, and he hates that it still affects Jason all these years later. But Jason shuts him down each time he tries to bring it up and apologise, so he settles for supporting him in the little barely noticeable ways Jason will accept instead.
But there’s only so much Dick can do at a gathering where Donna has decided to break out the Themysciran liquor and the rest of his teammates seem hellbent on trying to break their previous record.
Jason’s feelings aren’t the ones that end up getting hurt though.
Roy, even though he doesn’t drink anymore, has still managed to keep up his streak as the Titan to cause (lighthearted) chaos. Tonight that apparently means trying to convince an increasingly drunk Wally to try and vibrate through a wall while Dick tries to talk sense into them because he doesn't want to possibly deal with a broken nose or Wally getting stuck in a way that requires outside help like it has in the past.
“Come on, Rob! I thought being our resident cradle robber would have made you lighten up a little.”
It's a joke, it's Roy and they have always been the kind of jokes he excels at. But this one hits just a little too close to home right now.
But it's not something he wants to get into in front of all the others, so he shrugs it off with a laugh. “I just don't want to be the one who has to deal with Clark's disappointed look again.”
“Oooffffff, that's a good point. Maybe we should just try to get a pen to vibrate through your hand instead, Wal.” Roy says.
“Bring it onnn.” Wally slurs as Dick tries to resist the urge to grab his grapple and jump out of the nearest window.
“What’s wrong?” Jason asks, his head slightly cocked to one side like a rather inquisitive kitten.
Dick genuinely doesn’t know what he’s referring to as he looks up from his case work. “What?”
Jason raises an eyebrow. “You’ve been… off… for the past few weeks, so what’s wrong?”
Dick forces his face blank as he tries to think through what to say. He can’t (won’t) put his own insecurities and issues on Jason, especially not this specific issue. But he also knows Jason isn’t going to drop it unless he gives him a valid excuse. He sighs and drags a hand through his hair. “It’s this case. I’m just annoyed I haven’t been able to close it yet. I know there’s something I’m missing, I just can’t figure out what.”
It’s not a lie, not really. This case is vexxing him in a way that hasn’t happened in a long time and he really could use an extra pair of eyes.
Jason narrows his eyes like he’s trying to decide whether he believes him or to delve deeper. But it breaks when he sighs and drops down next to Dick on the sofa. “Show me what you’ve got?”
On one hand, Dick doesn’t want to, because Jason will help him crack it, he knows he will, which leaves him without an excuse for the way he’s been… off, as Jason put it, for the past few weeks. But the people who will be impacted come first, they always will, especially over Dick’s own selfish desires to avoid a difficult topic.
Dick runs a hand through his hair and stands. “Most of it’s here, I’ll go grab the rest.”
“Okay.” Jason says with a small smile as he leans forward to start looking, and Dick can’t resist leaning down to press a kiss to Jason’s temple in response.
It’s a news article that does it; one of Vicky Vale’s typical tabloid gossip pieces headed with a picture her personal paparazzi managed to snap when they went out for Jason’s birthday. She’s finally moved past their family ties now the shock has worn off and it no longer elicits the same response from people. But in typical gossip rag fashion, she won’t leave them alone until she’s squeezed out every single bit of public interest.
Are age gaps in relationships healthy, or just another old-fashioned fad that has had its day? Our experts weigh in as the Grayson-Todd relationship brings concerns to the forefront again - Page 10
Dick wants to scream. He wants to break down her door and ask what the fuck her problem is. He wants…
To leave.
He wants—needs—to get out of Gotham for a little while.
He needs a breather, to not feel like everything around him is pressing inward and threatening to suffocate him. Even just thinking about heading south causes a little of the pressure on his chest to ease.
He shoots a quick text to Jason about something out of town needing his attention for a couple of days, along with an apology and a promise to come straight over as soon as he’s back, and then grabs the bare minimum he needs before climbing on his bike and hitting the road.
New York is a breath of fresh air.
Dick doubts many people will say that about a big city, but compared to Gotham, and holding the familiarity of his youth, it feels like the freshest air he’s breathed in a very long time.
The same goes for Donna's apartment; stepping through the door settles something in his chest that is still yearning for those first few years of freedom Nightwing brought him. It helps that those years are plastered across Donna's walls, albeit without their suits, in the perfect style that just screams of her talent. There's newer pictures scattered alongside the old, with Jason making an appearance in some of the more recent ones. Dick really needs to ask her for copies to put on the bookcase in his apartment Jason convinced him to buy.
Donna isn't actually here though, she's doing something secret sounding in DC that he doesn't want to press about right now, which means it's just him in the apartment.
It's lonelier than he remembers.
(Though if he really thinks back, there was a time when he was first branching out on his own as Nightwing, when he and the Titans were starting to do their own separate things, when the same feeling of loneliness had started to creep into his bones. Back then he'd found his own people in New York, but none of them are here anymore, some merely just having moved elsewhere, but some actually aren't here anymore.)
But it's why when a knock sounds on the door after he's been there a week causes something in his chest to flicker back to life at the prospect that it's one of his friends, or maybe even Donna, coming to say hi after hearing he's back in the city.
Even though he knows some part of him should probably have considered it, he's not expecting to open the door to find Jason running a nervous hand through his curls.
“Hey.” Jason says with a nervous smile.
Dick stares at him for a minute too long before he manages to get his mouth to work again. “Hi.”
“You gonna invite me in? I come bearing bagels.” He holds the paper bag out like an offering to Janus, where it's Dick who has to choose one of the two paths in the doorway.
“Plain or sandwiches?” Dick asks with a raised eyebrow, and that seems to diffuse some of the tension between them as Jason raises his in return.
“When have I ever offered you a completely plain plain bagel, Dickie?”
“Fair point.” Dick agrees as he steps to the side to let Jason pass by.
Jason beelines to the kitchen like he's been here a million times before and not only the handful of times he's visited Donna with Dick in the past. But Jason and Donna do get on, more so than Jason and any of the Titans other than Roy and Kori. It's how he immediately knows Donna's the reason Jason's here; even if Dick hadn't quite been able to bring himself to voice everything to her, she knows him well enough to know when something is wrong.
They eat the bagels on the balcony looking out over the city in pretty comfortable silence (as comfortable as you can get in a situation like this). It's only when they head back inside that Jason runs his hand through his curls again and sighs.
“I know there wasn't an emergency, and I know that last case hasn't been the only thing bothering you the past few months.” Jason chews his lip, and Dick is struck by how young it makes him look; like a kid trying to work out how to ask something heavy for the first time. “I can't help you with it unless you tell me what's going on, and I can't stand to see you keep going on like this, Dickie.”
“Jay…”
“And don't you dare give me that fuckin’ ‘you wouldn't understand’ bullshit, because I'm not a kid anymore and there's not much between us that I wouldn't understand anymore.”
“You're not a kid anymore, but that doesn't seem to stop everyone around us from still seeing you as one and punishing me for it.” Dick basically blurts out before he's actually had time to consider his words.
Jason rocks back on his heels with a look of pure confusion on his face. “What does that mean?”
“Bruce, the Titans, Vicki Fucking Vale, even the goddam people I work with. All of them keep making comments about our age gap, or straight up trying to lecture me about it like I'm some creep going after someone young enough to be my kid.” Dick pushes his bangs back with a bit too much force, causing his hand to get tangled and pull painfully against his roots. “I know the Titans and the guys at work don't mean it like that, but sometimes it feels like that's the only thing about our relationship people actually pay attention to. I'm just… tired.”
“What did Bruce say?” Jason asks, his eyes flashing in a way Dick knows he's going to have to be careful with or Jason will hightail it back to Gotham purely to punch Bruce square in the face.
“He said he was worried that our difference in life experience and age gap put me in a position to take advantage of you, knowingly or unknowingly.” Dick says as calmly as he can even though the memory makes him want to scream.
“Because he's such a role model when it comes to choosing romantic partners, really has nothing but unproblematic dating history going for him.” Jason huffs. “Anyway, fuck them. Fuck them all, most of them don't know shit about our relationship, most of them don't actually care to ask.”
“It doesn't worry you at all?” Dick can't help but ask.
“I grew up seeing exactly what not to do in relationships first hand, we don't tick any of those boxes, and I have no qualms putting a bullet in your other knee if you ever do try to take advantage of me. But I know you won't and I'm not worried about you trying to. You're not that kind of person, Dickie.” Jason says with a sincerity that he saves for situations like this, where his words need to come across as he means them. “As for the Titans, I'm sure asking them to back off with the comments will go down fine, same with your workmates. Vicki Vale will eventually get bored, and if she doesn't, we'll just have to do something scandalous as Red Hood and Nightwing.”
Dick can't help but huff a laugh at the possibilities that could entail.
“Bruce, I will be having a conversation with when we get back myself.” Jason's eyes get dark again.
“I don't want you blowing up the relationship you've been building with him again.” Dick says softly.
“My relationship with him is nothing if he's still going behind my back and trying to dictate my life. That would be the same no matter what it was, not just because it’s about you.” Jason points out, and Dick knows there's no arguing with him about that.
“Okay.”
“I love you,” it's something that Jason still can't say out loud all that often, which means the times he does are something Dick treasures. “I'm not going anywhere, none of this bothers me, I just want you to talk to me about the things that are bothering you. Please.”
Dick gets up and walks over to him, brushing some of the curls back out of his eyes with his finger tips. “I know, I'm sorry. I promise to going forward. But the same goes for you too, little wing.”
“Deal.” Jason says with a smile before ducking down to press a chaste kiss against his lips.
Dick knows it'll be difficult for them both to keep that promise going forward, especially with the way they were both raised, but he also knows they'll try their damn hardest too, and that will hopefully be enough.