Archive of Our Own

Taehyung has never been a big believer in fate or anything along those lines, but there are some moments when life just makes you want to believe. Meeting a lover you seem to fit perfectly with, reconnecting with that childhood friend that was truly your other half. Taehyung had never had one of these, but it’s October when Yoongi tells him that the first song he ever composed on his own might finally be sung by someone, and that someone seems to be from Busan.

Truth is, Taehyung was born and raised in Daegu, and he will always think of it as his hometown. He remembers running around his grandmother’s farm and helping her with whatever she needed, he remembers the seemingly endless summer nights with his friends in the city. But suddenly, Taehyung was fifteen and his father had a job in Busan, so they had to move. Taehyung liked the sea, liked how winter was a little less cold and a little rainier, but Busan still wasn’t home. Daegu was home, but Busan was his teenage years; Busan was his first time getting drunk, Busan was staying up laughing with Park Jimin until four in the morning, Busan was his first love; Busan was him.

So Taehyung has never believed in fate, but now there is some unknown band from Busan who wants to play the song that is Taehyung’s pride and at the same his darkest secret, and Taehyung feels a string pull at his heart. He’s a fairly well-known producer, behind some hits that have done reasonably well among idol groups, but this tune is a ballad. V is known for being behind some bubblegum pop hits that scream fun this way, but that doesn’t stop him from getting requests for slower songs: for songs like his first one. Taehyung has always said no, because he wasn’t ready to let go of it. But now—now, Yoongi says there’s an indie band from Busan that is looking for a ballad that, according to Taehyung’s hyung, the only person to ever listen to the song except himself, fits the description of Taehyung’s first composition perfectly.

And really, if Taehyung was waiting for some sort of sign, this is it. It had to be someone from Busan. There’s no way these words would sound well in a mouth that doesn’t hold the coast’s thick accent, that doesn’t curl around the words in the same way his did—and secretly, Taehyung hopes that wherever he is, he still keeps that lovely accent of his.

“I think I’m going to do it,” he ends up saying. Yoongi’s face changes completely, surprise taking over him, and Taehyung knows why. He always says no without hesitating. This ballad is his, he has always said. No one will sing it right, he has always said. But he has a feeling about this one. “I will go meet them first, though. I need to make sure they’re the right ones,” he adds, because it’s still his song. It’s still his pride. It’s still his apology.

✧

Taehyung meets Park Jimin on his first day of high school in Busan, and within twenty minutes with the other boy he has already decided he’s one of his favorite people in the world. Jimin is welcoming and warm, so warm, in a way that makes Taehyung feel like even if he’s not in Daegu anymore, he is still home. Taehyung has never had trouble making friends, but it’s nice to have someone by his side on the first day of school in a foreign city. He might be bold, but he’s still a teenager. He doesn’t know yet that years later it will be irrelevant, but as of now, he just wants to fit in. 

That is also the day he meets Jeon Jeongguk. Taehyung might be new in town, but he’s in 9th grade—the last year of middle school in South Korea. But Jeongguk is two years younger, meaning he is two grades lower than him and that it’s his first day of middle school, and Jeongguk looks terrified. Taehyung sees the tiny—not for long, he later will find out—apparently shy kid a few rows behind them in the conference, and he feels sorry for him. He’s about to ask Jimin to approach him, but then the principal appears and clears his throat, and Taehyung’s attention is wholly on him: he cannot get scolded on the first day of school. 

But of course, life is a curious thing. Taehyung doesn’t think about the kid later that day, when the conference is over. He doesn’t even know his name, but it’s a couple months later when he goes to pick up Jimin at dance practice so they can both go to the cinema that he sees him again, in the studio. His now best friend introduces Taehyung to everyone on his dance team, including Jeon Jeongguk—seventh grader, a little shy, apparently a prodigy. Taehyung looks at him with big, curious eyes, and Jeongguk, who is just thirteen at the time, gets a little shy. 

There’s no way for Taehyung to know at the moment, of course there’s not. But even so, he invites Jeongguk to join him and Jimin at the cinema that afternoon. Not Yugyeom, who is the same age as Jeongguk, and not Namjoon, who is their friend one year older than Jimin and Taehyung. Jeongguk is a little stunned when Taehyung first offers, but he ends up saying yes and accompanying them. 

And he didn’t know back then. He didn’t know that eventually Jeongguk would grow as tall as him. He didn’t know that Jeongguk would beat his ass whenever they played video games together every single time. He didn’t know they would stay up until well into the AM watching and commenting on anime together. He didn’t know he would give Jeongguk his first kiss. He didn’t know he would break Jeongguk’s heart. 

Taehyung didn’t have a clue, but at the time it felt like the right thing to do. Jeongguk was timid and seemed a bit scared of everything, but once you got him to open up, Taehyung and Jimin discovered, he was a pretty fun guy. It was a bit of an impulse, inviting him to join, but more than ten years later, Taehyung still doesn’t regret it. 

✧

Taehyung takes the train back to Busan because the thought of driving all the way there makes his skin itch. He was planning to nap, but this is okay, too. Taehyung is thinking about Busan and everything he left behind when he moved to Seoul for university. There’s obviously his parents, in whose house Taehyung will be staying for as long as he needs to be in town—and he doesn’t know yet how long that will be; he’s going to need to make some arrangements to the song, that’s for sure, and he’s not going to let anyone touch his song without his permission. Not this one.

But he has more people, apart from his family. He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against the window, the glass trembling under his head. He has friends—fuck, he has a best friend he has barely spoken to for the past five years. Keeping in touch only works for a while, but it gets tough. When you’re used to having someone by your side every day, talking to them over the phone seems kind of dull. Drifting apart was unavoidable and he doesn’t blame neither Jimin nor himself, but he might as well try to contact the other. Just to see if he’s still in Busan.

He also has an ex, but he’s not going to try to talk to him. Why would he try to? He doesn’t want to see Taehyung. And Taehyung—he can’t blame him, really. He would feel the same way, had it been the other way.

There are not many things Taehyung regrets about his youth. He has always been one to believe that if at some point something made him happy, then regret is never an option. But then there are things that made him unhappy, things that made him hurt. Breaking a heart is one of those. It’s been seven years ever since he left Busan, leaving the pieces of both his heart and his ex-boyfriend’s behind himself when he took that train. And honestly, it shouldn’t still hurt like this so many years later, and he shouldn’t feel kind of hollow when he thinks about it, but it does, and he does. No, there aren’t many things Taehyung regrets about his youth, but that is definitely one of them.

But he cannot—will not let himself think about any of this now. Because it’s been seven years, seven fucking years, and there have been more people. People he has liked, people he has fucked, people he has loved. Taehyung has had a boyfriend and a couple of girlfriends, more one night stands than he has bothered to keep track of. And he is sure that he has moved on as well, has rebuilt his life. Taehyung won’t let himself think he’s someone special and irreplaceable.

So before his mind wanders too much, he slides his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through the contact list until he finds Jimin’s name. He knows the other hasn’t changed his number because they still send each other Christmas and birthday wishes, and also exchange some texts sometimes. Conversation is always dry though, along the lines of hey, tae, how have you been? it’s been a while since we last spoke and i’m good!! how about you? we should try to meet up sometime soon. Needless to say, those conversations die rather quickly and they never really end up meeting up. Despite all that, Taehyung still calls Jimin his best friend. He has yet to meet someone who knows him as well as the other does. Well, except for—ugh. No, not there again. He cannot think about him now.

He texts Jimin, thumbs gently tapping over the keyboard. He tells him he’s on a train to Busan—no references to the movie intended, really—and that he will be staying for some time. Hell, he doesn’t even know if Jimin still lives there, but it’s worth a try. Otherwise, his days in the city will be lonely and most likely boring, and he doesn’t want to feel that way about the place he spent his teenage years in.

Jimin is quick to text back, replying as fast as Taehyung remembers. He tells Taehyung he’s still in Busan and that they really should meet up soon. He adds I miss you at the end, which makes Taehyung smile a little as he types I miss you too. They end up texting for the whole ride, and Taehyung doesn’t miss the way Jimin avoids talking about him at all. He probably knows where Jeongguk is, and probably still keeps in touch with him. Taehyung wonders if Jimin is expecting him to ask, and a part of himself wants to. But he knows he missed that chance already, and it wouldn’t be fair to want to know what he’s doing right now. He just wishes the ocean wouldn’t make him think of his past lover so often, because he hasn’t even seen the shore yet and he’s already feeling melancholic.

✧

Restless. That’s the best way to describe Jeongguk right now and his incessant pacing around Taehyung’s room—not that Taehyung’s bedroom is big, but he still manages to walk, and walk, and walk around it. 

“Dude, chill,” Taehyung replies, lifting his gaze from the manga he’s reading to look at Jeongguk. Jeongguk stops in his tracks and stares at him. “It’s just a date. She’s going to love you, you’re the cutest, most adorable little thing out there.” 

Jeongguk blushes, like the fifteen-year-old boy he is, going on his first date, and looks away while he resumes his pacing. Taehyung sighs. “It’s not the date I’m nervous about—well, that too. But there’s something—God, this is so embarrassing.” 

Taehyung sits up on his bed at that, looking at Jeongguk with amusement. “What is it?” he asks, watching Jeongguk bite down on his plump, pink bottom lip. Cute. “You know you can tell me whatever it is, right? I’m here for you no matter what.” 

“What if, uh—” Jeongguk starts, standing still right across from Taehyung. “What if she wants to kiss me?” 

“You kiss her back if you want her to kiss you, you don’t if you don’t want her to,” Taehyung replies, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. It should be the most obvious thing in the world. 

Jeongguk shakes his head, looking down at his feet. “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that,” Jeongguk elaborates. “I’ve never—fuck, this is embarrassing and you’re going to make fun of me for ages,” Jeongguk groans. “I’ve never kissed anyone.” 

Taehyung tilts his head to the side, looking at Jeongguk with curious eyes. “You’re afraid you won’t be good at it?” he asks, Jeongguk nodding at him in response. “Kissing is easy, Jeongguk. It just sort of comes naturally to you. You will do well.” 

“That’s not reassuring at all,” Jeongguk complains. “I’m just—I’m going to freeze there and make a fool of myself.” 

Clicking his tongue, Taehyung says, “Come here.” Jeongguk frowns at him, so he insists, “Come here, Jeonggukkie, I’m not going to bite you.” 

Jeongguk reluctantly makes his way so there’s only one step between him and where Taehyung is sitting on the edge of the bed. And Taehyung, well—there’s only one way to avoid Jeongguk freezing on his crush because she’s giving him his first kiss and doesn’t know what to do, right? He stands up and cups Jeongguk’s face with his palms, and the last thing he sees before closing his eyes and pressing his lips to Jeongguk’s is a mixture of surprise and curiosity in his eyes. 

It’s not that Jeongguk is a bad kisser, it’s that he’s not a kisser at all. He really does stand there, mouth half open as Taehyung moves his lips against his. Taehyung knows Jeongguk will get the hang of it as soon as he starts practicing a bit, just like he gets the hang of everything, but as of now… it’s pretty bad, even for a first kiss. Unresponsive. 

Taehyung pulls away, laying back on the bed again and saying, “There you go, you’ve had a great first kiss thanks to me.” 

There’s silence for a moment, and then Jeongguk squeaks loudly and hits Taehyung’s forearm. “What the fuck, hyung?” he asks. Jeongguk doesn’t swear often and much less in the presence of his hyungs, so Taehyung is a little startled. “You’ve stolen my first kiss!” 

Taehyung grins, arching an eyebrow at Jeongguk. “So? I was just making sure it was amazing, that Dawon girl might be a terrible kisser after all,” he says. Jeongguk frowns, hitting Taehyung’s forearm harder. “Ouch, Jeongguk, stop! I didn’t steal anything. I just… borrowed it.” 

It’s right then that Jeongguk stays still, looking at Taehyung with his eyebrows raised. “Borrowed,” he repeats. Taehyung nods. “You’re impossible.” 

Taehyung snickers, raising a hand to ruffle Jeongguk’s hair. “Ah, come on,” he says. “First kisses aren’t a big deal, but now yours has been with the absolute best kisser of Busan. Show some gratitude.” 

There’s no reply, Jeongguk just clicking his tongue and folding his arms over his chest as they fall in a comfortable silence again. He doesn’t get why Jeongguk is so worked up, first kisses aren’t that big of a deal. He didn’t know Jeongguk was such a romantic. 

It’s not until a few minutes after that Jeongguk speaks again. “Hyung?” he starts. “Was it, um. Was it that bad?” 

Taehyung shrugs. He doesn’t want to hurt Jeongguk’s feelings, but he has never been a liar, much less to Jeongguk. “Kind of?” he ends up replying, watching Jeongguk’s expression darken. “It wasn’t bad per se, but, uh. You didn’t do anything? You’re supposed to—you know, kiss back.” Jeongguk stays silent. “Yeah.” 

Jeongguk bites down on his bottom lip, looking at his hands before he says, “Kiss me again.” Taehyung blinks at him, not moving. “Come on, you had no problem doing it before.” 

Rolling his eyes, Taehyung obliges. He cups Jeongguk’s jaw gently now that he knows Jeongguk is not going to pull away, pressing his lips against Jeongguk’s. This time Jeongguk doesn’t stay frozen, quite the opposite: he clearly is trying, but he’s so enthusiastic about it it’s kind of, uh, sloppy. Taehyung pulls away, mumbling, “Easy there. Follow my lead,” against Jeongguk’s mouth, and now—wow, yeah, now it’s kind of nice. Jeongguk kisses back hesitantly but not clumsily, his hand fisting the fabric of Taehyung’s t-shirt and pulling him closer—probably involuntarily, or at least that’s what Taehyung chooses to think. 

Perhaps Taehyung gets a little too caught up in the kiss, because without planning to he’s tonguing at Jeongguk’s bottom lip, who opens his mouth further for Taehyung. He had told Jeongguk it would come naturally, but he cannot help but feel like this is way too natural. Pulling away he says, “Okay, okay that’s good. Be gentler with the tongue.” 

He’s about to pull away, but this time Jeongguk is the one that surges forward, his pink top lip fitting perfectly between Taehyung’s. Taehyung is almost impressed at how good Jeongguk is already, how much he has improved in comparison to the first of their kisses moments ago. It starts just like the previous ones, their lips moving against each other rather chastely in the beginning, but then Jeongguk is mimicking Taehyung’s actions from earlier and lapping softly at his bottom lip until he parts his mouth, granting Jeongguk access. 

Taehyung doesn’t know how much time they spend kissing before he pulls away with a sigh, opening his eyes just to find Jeongguk looking at him with flushed cheeks and cherry lips. His eyes have an unfamiliar glint in them, and Taehyung cannot help but think that maybe he probably looks the same. This was just to teach Jeongguk how to kiss, he doesn’t have those kinds of feelings for Jeongguk, but he’s not going to deny the fact that it was good. Jeongguk’s kisses feel somehow like complicity, something that he has never tasted on anyone else’s mouth. After all, it’s Jeongguk he has been kissing, one of his closest friends. It’s only natural for it to be intimate in a different kind of way. 

Taehyung has never kissed one of his friends before, and for a moment he’s scared things are going to be awkward now. But then Jeongguk is opening his eyes, smiling at him as sweet and wide as ever, and Taehyung doesn’t need more confirmation. They’re okay. 

✧

About forty minutes before Taehyung and Jimin are supposed to meet, the former gets a text from his friend. Taehyung is scared for a moment, thinking Jimin is going to cancel on him and he’s going to spend his first night back in Busan alone and at home, but then he opens it and reads can i bring my girlfriend with me? i want you to meet her, and oh. Jimin has a girlfriend, and he wants to introduce her to Taehyung. That’s nice. Really, really nice.

Jimin’s girlfriend is a tiny girl with long blond hair and big brown eyes. Her name is Mihyun but Jimin calls her Mimi, and it doesn’t take more than ten minutes with the both of them to see that Jimin is so in love with her. It’s endearing, really. Taehyung wonders how it is that all of his friends are finding the one and settling down—Jimin has been dating Mihyun for over two years now, Yoongi and Hoseok seem to act like a married couple even if they technically can’t be one—yet he’s here, still getting sad about things that happened so long ago. It leaves a sour taste in his mouth.

“So you’re from Jeju?” Taehyung asks as he takes a sip from his drink, Mihyun smiling at him as she nods. “How did you two meet, anyway?”

Jimin frowns and looks scared for a moment, and Taehyung doesn’t understand why until Mihyun speaks again. “A mutual friend introduced us—you probably know him, since he went to school with you and Jimin. Jeongguk. He introduced us after coming back from America,” she replies, cheerfully.

Taehyung’s glass almost slips between his fingers when he hears Mihyun mention Jeongguk. It’s been years since he last heard someone say his name out loud, since he told his mother to stop asking about Jeongguk. Neither Jimin nor Jeongguk told Mihyun about Jeongguk and Taehyung, and why would they have to? It’s been years since he dumped Jeongguk. Jeongguk probably moved on and forgot all about Taehyung, because that’s what you do when people break up with you. You forget them and keep on living your life. But what do you do when you still have feelings for the person you broke up with? It’s been years, and even if Taehyung doesn’t know if he can still call what he feels for Jeongguk love, there’s definitely more than regret for dumping him.

But wait—America. “He went to the States?” Taehyung asks, raising both his eyebrows. He hates himself for doing this, for asking about Jeongguk when he knows he lost all the right to care about Jeongguk when he left so many years ago.

Taehyung doesn’t know why he’s surprised to find out Jeongguk went to America. He never told anyone, but he always knew Jeongguk was made for big things—bigger than Taehyung could ever dream of. There was only this feeling in his gut that no matter what Jeongguk wanted to achieve he would get it, because that’s who Jeongguk is: hard-working, perseverant, talented. Jeongguk turned dreams into realities, and Taehyung saw that in him from the very first day. The thought of Jeongguk staying in Busan and settling down for a normal life was stupid, especially considering Taehyung himself was doing big things in the capital.

There’s a heavy feeling in Taehyung’s chest for the rest of the evening, like someone is holding his heart in their fist and squeezing until he bleeds out. Mihyun doesn’t bring Jeongguk up again and Taehyung obviously doesn’t ask further, and that’s the end of it. Years have gone by without hearing anyone talk about Jeongguk, and much to Taehyung’s surprise, hearing his name hurts even more than it did before. He thought that by ignoring it the wound would heal and scar on its own, but Taehyung feels like it has gotten infected now.

Regret, regret, regret: it’s poisonous, and it’s making Taehyung feel like he’s choking on his own breath. He shouldn’t have left Jeongguk like that—but what other choice did he have? It wouldn’t have been fair for either of them to keep that relationship going. Or at least, that’s what Taehyung tells himself.

“Are you okay, Taehyung?” Jimin asks, and only then does Taehyung realize he has gotten a little lost in his own thoughts. He takes a deep breath, a little shaky, and nods his head.

“I’m fine, I’m fine, sorry,” he replies. “Just a little tired from the train ride. I think I should probably get going home, anyway.”

He goes home after saying his goodbyes and promising both Jimin and Mihyun they will meet again soon. He thinks on his way back, thinks about all the people he has left behind and wonders if he did the right thing. There’s a feeling of guilt in his chest that he has been suppressing for years, and it’s right now that Taehyung wonders if coming to Busan was really a good idea.

✧

Monday comes around sooner than expected, which implies meeting the band for the first time. Taehyung isn’t nervous, but he would be lying if he said he’s not buzzing with excitement by the time he leaves his parents’ house to go to the studio where he’s meeting them. He’s had reunions like this one with many people for this song before, but he has a feeling this might be the one. A part of himself wants to believe that if he lets go of it he will let go of everything behind the song, too—of Jeongguk.

He isn’t late, yet when he gets there two boys and a girl are already waiting for him, sitting on the black leather couch in the studio. They introduce themselves, and soon enough Taehyung discovers they are Sojung, who is the same age as him as plays bass, Jihoon, one year younger and the guitarist, and Dongyeol, who is twenty-four and in charge of the drums.

“Our vocalist will be here soon,” Sojung assures, playing with the rings on her right hand. “He probably got caught up in traffic on his way here, but I don’t think we’ll have to wait for much longer.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” Taehyung replies with a smile. He doesn’t tell them that it’s not like he has anything else to do: if he doesn’t seem serious these people might think they can play him however they like, and Taehyung isn’t having any of that. He is just nice enough. “You can listen to the song first while we wait if you want to,” he suggests.

They all share looks for a moment, but it’s Dongyeol the one that ends up speaking. “I think we should wait for hyung,” he replies, the rest humming in agreement. “Usually, it’s Jihoon who composes our songs, and when he shows us it’s always the four of us together. It’s sort of a tradition, so we’d rather wait.”

Taehyung hums, satisfied with the answer. He himself has never been one to believe in these kinds of rituals and traditions that many people in the world he works in have, but it’s respectable if they want to wait for the other guy. He finds out that even if the members are more than happy with Jihoon’s compositions, they are looking for something new now. They have released a couple of extended plays in the past, but this is their first long album, and they’re looking for a single that feels fresh, but that also stays within their style. Apparently, Jihoon got in contact with Yoongi, who thought Taehyung’s song would be the perfect match, and the rest is history.

“It’s a sad song,” Taehyung explains. He doesn’t care to elaborate, doesn’t explain to them how the song is about leaving him behind, the first person he ever truly loved in a romantic sense, because they don’t need to know that. The lyrics are kind of self-explanatory, but they don’t need to know they are also kind of autobiographical. Taehyung takes pride in being private about his personal life. “Maybe that’s not really what you’re looking for.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem, really. We checked your stuff before asking Suga to contact you,” Jihoon rushes to explain. Taehyung bites back a smile at Yoongi’s pseudonym. “The bubblegum pop style of most of your songs isn’t really our style, but your lyrics are, like, amazing, and Suga told me that this song is different from the stuff you have composed for idols.”

“It is, indeed,” he replies, feeling a knot form in his larynx. So far, all the people he has ever shown this song to have liked it. He has been the one rejecting artists that wanted it for themselves because they didn’t feel right. But these people—maybe they’re the ones, the right band for Taehyung’s first composition. He, of course, has to listen to them play and sing and discuss the arrangements, but they give him a good vibe so far. “I think it could fit your style, too. There’s some stuff that will need to be fixed, but we can work that out if you decide to keep it.”

It's right then that Taehyung hears the elevator door in the corridor opening, most likely announcing the arrival of the awaited for lead singer. Taehyung feels relieved because he wants to go home as soon as possible—whether he means home as in Seoul or home as in his parents’ house is unclear, but being here in Busan is definitely not doing him any good. It’s only been one day and he’s already thinking about a lot of stuff he would rather forget about.

Now, Taehyung still isn’t a believer in fate, but there really are some things that make him want to believe. It’s October when he goes to Busan to give some indie band the song he wrote for Jeongguk; it’s October when he sees Jeongguk again for the first time in seven years. He looks so different from what he looked like when he was seventeen and Taehyung left him. He has grown into his features, looks older and somehow sharper. But he’s still Jeongguk, and there’s still a sliver of innocence that shouldn’t be there in a twenty-four-year-old’s face. Jeongguk looks older, that’s a given, but he’s still Jeongguk. He still has his brown, round eyes that are fixed on Taehyung from across the room, still has that pink, petite mouth of his that Taehyung seemed to never get enough of. How would it be to kiss Jeongguk now? There’s stubble on his face now, but that’s not what Taehyung is thinking about. People change, and when they change so do their kisses; for example, Taehyung thinks his kisses are a little less honest ever since he left Busan. The realization that he doesn’t have the right to wonder about that leaves a bitter taste on Taehyung’s tongue.

Time doesn’t seem to stop and there’s no magical moment when they first see each other after so long. There’s surprise in Jeongguk’s eyes, almost as if he could not believe he’s seeing Taehyung again after so long, and Taehyung probably looks the same. Actually, he probably looks fascinated. Jeongguk, Jeongguk, Jeongguk is there standing before him, and his eyes don’t look hard like when he’s mad. Taehyung knows, even if he hasn’t seen Jeongguk for years, that this is not something Jeongguk has learned to conceal; Jeongguk’s eyes are a door to his soul, and even if he tried hard he wouldn’t be able to hide the emotions that can be read in them. Not from Taehyung.

Taehyung isn’t stupid. He knows better than anyone that Jeongguk has the voice of an angel, so when the others warmly greet Jeongguk—his ex, his first love; his Jeongguk—there aren’t many doubts about who Jeongguk is and what he is here for. The realization makes Taehyung want to throw up. This song is one Jeongguk was supposed to hear on the radio and be reminded of what Taehyung and him used to have, wondering if Taehyung feels as sorry for leaving as the singer does. But this is not a song Jeongguk is supposed to know Taehyung wrote; he is not supposed to hear it in Taehyung’s voice in the demo tape, not a song Jeongguk himself is supposed to sing.

Jeongguk speaks up for the first time since he appeared under the door frame. “Hi,” he says, and God, even his voice is different now, more mature. Slightly deeper. How many things have changed in the past seven years? How much is left of the Jeongguk he used to know? “It’s good to see you, hyung.”

Somehow, Taehyung knows Jeongguk isn’t talking to Jihoon.

✧

After Jeongguk and Taehyung made out at Taehyung’s house, it wasn’t a secret between the pair that they both felt attracted to guys—and to each other—in a way they probably weren’t meant to. They didn’t talk about it, but they didn’t need to: the long afternoons making out and exploring each other’s bodies were telling enough. They always managed to get some time for each other alone, and within a couple months, Taehyung was sure Jeongguk knew more about his body than he himself did. 

Of course, they had to talk about it at some point, but they were just delaying it for as long as possible. Much to Taehyung’s surprise, the first one to bring it up was Jeongguk, one night when they are laying on Jeongguk’s bed, Taehyung sprawled on top of him as Jeongguk’s hand grips lightly at his hip. Taehyung pulls away to catch his breath, breaking the kiss to look down at Jeongguk’s swollen, spit-slicked lips, and it is right then when Jeongguk says it. 

“I like boys,” Jeongguk states, looking up at Taehyung expectantly. 

Taehyung has known for a while, so he replies, “Cool.” He then goes down for another kiss, this one shorter and sweeter, before pulling away and adding, “I like boys too.” 

“Yeah, but I only like boys,” he says. 

Laughing, Taehyung raises a hand and brushes Jeongguk’s hair off his forehead. “I know, Guk-ah. It was quite obvious,” he says. Jeongguk bites down on his bottom lip, attempting to hide a playful smile. “Any particular reason you’re telling me now?” 

“I like someone,” Jeongguk replies, hand climbing from Taehyung’s hip to his waist, slipping under his shirt to caress the soft skin. “I think I might ask him out.” 

“Oh, is that so?” Taehyung asks, arching an eyebrow. Jeongguk hums as confirmation. “And who would that be?” 

Jeongguk seems to think about it for a while, fingers drumming on Taehyung’s back. “It’s Mingyu from my biology class,” he lies. Jeongguk has never been a good liar, especially not when it comes to Taehyung. 

“Then why are you here wasting time with me, huh?” Taehyung asks. Jeongguk shrugs, nosing at Taehyung’s jaw. “You should go ask him out on a date.” 

Jeongguk doesn’t reply, just holds the back of Taehyung’s head and pulls him down for another kiss. Taehyung is not stupid. He knows Jeongguk is talking about him, of course, so he kisses him back enthusiastically. 

Taehyung likes Jeongguk. It’s been something that has been building up for a while, maybe since even before they started this little thing that they have going on. He’s surprised Jeongguk is being the first one to act on it—even if he’s being a tease—but also pleased. Taehyung deepens the kiss, licking eagerly into Jeongguk’s mouth. 

“It’s your turn to say it back, you know,” Jeongguk replies when he pulls away, looking at Taehyung with a playful glint in his eyes. There’s something about Jeongguk being like this, cheeky and mischievous, that has Taehyung’s heart beating faster in his chest. This side of Jeongguk is one that only he knows, one that not even the people he’s closest to (excluding Taehyung himself, of course), like Jimin or Yugyeom, know. 

Jeongguk has already confessed, but it doesn’t make it any easier—well, just a little bit. He feels his cheeks get warmer under Jeongguk’s gaze, Jeongguk blushing as well as he looks at Taehyung expectantly. “I like you,” he blurts out. It’s sudden and blunt, a bit clumsy and way too simple, but it’s still enough to make Jeongguk’s whole face light up, cheeks turning even redder. Taehyung bites down on his bottom lip, but it doesn’t stop his mouth from curling into a box-shaped grin. “I like you so much, Gukkie.” 

Jeongguk groans, pulling Taehyung down and hiding his face in the crook of Taehyung’s neck. Taehyung laughs, hands lingering on Jeongguk’s shoulders. He is still skinny and has a boyish body, but if you pay attention—and Taehyung pays a lot of attention to anything related to Jeongguk—you can feel how his body is morphing into something more mature, the effects of all the sports he does barely perceptible but still there. 

“So…” Jeongguk starts, still not looking at Taehyung, “are we—you know.” 

“Boyfriends?” tries Taehyung, Jeongguk nodding. “Yes, boyfriends is good.” 

The thought of calling Jeongguk his boyfriend makes warmth spread in Taehyung’s chest, his heart skipping a beat. Never in a million years would he have imagined that him and Jeongguk would end up like this, but God—doesn’t he want this. 

“Boyfriends is good,” agrees Jeongguk. “More than good.” 

✧

Taehyung doesn’t think he fully understood what emotional exhaustion implied until he came back home after his first meeting with the band—his first meeting with Jeongguk after years. He tells himself to stop being such a baby and stop overthinking stuff that is probably not that deep, but he cannot help it.

This song was meant for Jeongguk to listen to on the radio and think wow, this kind of reminds me of Taehyung and I. Even if he tried to find out everything about the composer and producer he would just find out about V, whose face or personal details netizens don’t know about. Hell, Taehyung never wanted Jeongguk to know he composed it, because it was more than obvious who it was about, but having Jeongguk listen to Taehyung singing on the demo track? That was just cruel.

All the guilt and remorse he has been suppressing for years comes back, and suddenly he’s back to the start. He’s fresh out of high school again, on his first night alone in Seoul, unable to stop the tears from streaming down his face because it’s also his first night without Jeongguk. He remembers all the thoughts floating around his head all night and the following weeks, how he even got to a point where he hated himself for hurting Jeongguk. What had he done? He knew it would be the best for them—or at least that’s what he thought—but it hurt more than anything he had ever done.

It got better, of course it got better. Weeks went by and he was finally able to not see the look of hurt and betrayal on Jeongguk’s face every time he closed his eyes. Both Jeongguk and him were young, and even if they had been each other’s first loves, everybody knows those rarely last. How could they make it work across the whole country? Taehyung was sure that trying to make it work just for it to crumble down would hurt more than nipping it in the bud.

Taehyung and Jeongguk were supposed to never see each other again. There would always be a feeling of regret in Taehyung, of course, but he had been doing pretty well at ignoring it until he got to Busan. Hearing of Jeongguk was bad enough, but seeing him again just made it even worse. Taehyung always knew the time heals everything saying was a lie, but in his case time didn’t help at all—it’s just as bad as it was in the beginning, maybe even worse.

He wants to cry, but he hasn’t let himself shed tears about this since that first night. He was the one who left, the one who took the decision to break them up. He didn’t have any right to cry. He hurt, he stayed in bed awake for hours and hours into the night, also stayed alone thinking about it instead of going out because it kept bugging him, but he never cried over it since then.

The worst part is he spent so long punishing himself for it, but there’s no hatred in Jeongguk’s eyes when he looks at Taehyung. There’s not the same fondness or affection from before, but they aren’t devoid of emotion, either. Jeongguk looks at him with a mix of fear and curiosity, like this is their first meeting all over again, and Taehyung doesn’t know how to feel about that. He should be happy Jeongguk isn’t holding a grudge, but perhaps the reason why he doesn’t is because Taehyung didn’t mean as much to him as Taehyung thought. That thought leaves a bittersweet taste on his tongue.

In the end, working with Jeongguk is surprisingly easy. When they’re around others, they act almost like they’re strangers. It’s when they are on a break that Jeongguk approaches him—something Taehyung never expected Jeongguk to do—and sits down next to him, small smile on his face. It still doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Hey,” Jeongguk says, making Taehyung look up from his laptop. It’s still mind-blowing how much Jeongguk has grown, yet how clearly Taehyung still can see the teenager he once was in his features. “Mind if I sit here?”

“Not at all,” Taehyung replies, doing his best to smile back. It’s pleasing to know that Jeongguk isn’t holding a grudge against him. Jeongguk has always been good and forgiving, that’s true, but Taehyung would expect Jeongguk to be a lot more awkward in this situation. Jeongguk has taken the first step, so now Taehyung guesses it’s his turn to do so. “How have you been?”

And that’s a big question. They haven’t seen or talked to each other for seven years, and a lot can happen in that time. Jeongguk probably had a lot of both happy and sad moments, but Taehyung wishes the former overtook the latter. He himself has been good, overall—Seoul has treated him well. He has gone to college, gotten a degree, become successful at what he does. He has made great friends, despite growing apart with others, and he has had a boyfriend and a couple of girlfriends, even if none of them made him feel the same way Jeongguk did (Taehyung always tried to convince himself that it was because he was a teenager and it was his first love, because admitting that Jeongguk would always be special was way too painful).

“I’ve been good,” Jeongguk replies with a smile. “How about you? I’ve seen you’ve made it big. It’s good to see you’re achieving your dreams, hyung.”

Jeongguk sounds so brutally honest it pulls at Taehyung’s heart strings. He really is happy for Taehyung, isn’t just saying it to be polite. It’s been already established that Taehyung doesn’t know how to act around Jeongguk anymore, so he just smiles clumsily at Jeongguk before he remembers Jeongguk asked him a question.

“Life’s been good,” Taehyung ends up replying. “Yeah, I guess—I can’t really complain, you know? I’ve been well.” They fall into silence, but it’s uncomfortable and it’s making Taehyung uneasy, so he says, “Heard you were in America.”

“Did you, huh?” Jeongguk asks, raising an eyebrow. Since when does Jeongguk raise his eyebrows at people like that? “I moved there right after college and I came back a couple months ago. The first weeks were literally hell, try to find my way around Los Angeles spluttering very, very broken English.”

Taehyung laughs a little, and the corners of Jeongguk’s mouth curl up in a little grin. “I’m sure you did well, Jeonggukkie,” he says, the affectionate name slipping past his lips before he can even register it. “You always do well.”

Jeongguk’s smile widens and he looks down at his hands, mildly embarrassed. Taehyung is reminded of young Jeongguk again, of how his cheeks always burned bright red whenever he got praised for something. It’s mind-blowing to stumble upon Jeongguk again, Taehyung realizes. What are the odds of something like this happening? It cannot be a coincidence.

He gets a little too lost in his thoughts, and then they’re both silent again. This time it doesn’t feel awkward, and Taehyung is positive that an abrupt change of subject right now would just make things feel weird. It doesn’t last for long, because Sojung comes back with a paper cup of coffee and squeezes in the couch next to Jeongguk, hooking her chin on his shoulder.

“What’s got both of you so quiet?”

Taehyung wonders if, after finding out who the producer that would be working with them was, Jeongguk would tell his bandmates who Taehyung was. Sure, after Jeongguk’s entrance and the dramatic—not really—hyung? It was pretty obvious they knew each other, but what are the odds Jeongguk told the members Taehyung is his ex? The Jeongguk that Taehyung used to know wouldn’t: he has always been private like that, been one to keep his personal stuff just to himself. But Jeongguk has grown, and maybe the bond he has with these people is deep like that. The four of them seem comfortable and relaxed around each other, so Taehyung wouldn’t be surprised if Jeongguk had told them.

“We were just catching up,” Jeongguk replies, dismissive. Typical Jeongguk, Taehyung finds himself thinking.

“How do you two know each other, anyway?” Sojung asks. Touché. She then wiggles her eyebrows and says, “I’m hoping for some good ass story with juicy details.”

Taehyung looks at Jeongguk when Jeongguk doesn’t reply to her, looking for some guidance about what to say, but he’s still looking down, so Taehyung decides to play it safe. “We went together to middle and high school,” he informs. It’s not the whole truth, but that’s really how they met, so it will have to do.

If Jeongguk is annoyed by Taehyung’s lack of honesty, he doesn’t say anything. Break is over, the rest of the band joins them and they get back to work. Somehow, Taehyung doesn’t feel like that conversation should be over yet.

✧

Jeongguk becomes many of Taehyung’s first times. He’s the first boy he has ever kissed, but also the first person he’s ever loved in a romantic way, the first to make his heart skip a beat with as little as a smile. 

In conclusion, Jeongguk is Taehyung’s first love. His high school sweetheart. If there is something that he knows for sure, it’s that he will always remember Jeongguk. 

Before Jeongguk appeared in his life, never did he think it could be possible for him to feel like his heart could explode with how much love and adoration he felt for someone. They fight sometimes, like everyone does, but that doesn’t change the affection he feels for Jeongguk. 

It was only natural for Jeongguk to be his first heartbreak, of course. 

The day Taehyung finds out he got accepted at a university in Seoul, he didn’t think about the implications of it, not right away. He celebrated with all of his friends at first, and later Jeongguk congratulated him with tight lips around his cock and letting him come down his throat. It’s later, when Jeongguk and him are pressed together in Taehyung’s narrow bed and Jeongguk is sleeping with an arm around his boyfriend’s waist that Taehyung thinks about it. He’s going to leave for Seoul, and he’s not going to have this anymore. He’s not going to have Jeongguk. And that’s a scary thought. 

He tries not to let it consume him, but the thoughts of him and Jeongguk not working out are devouring him before he even leaves. How fair is it to ask Jeongguk to stay in a relationship he himself doesn’t know he’ll be able to maintain? Taehyung has never seen himself in a long-distance relationship: he is touchy, he’s needy, he’s one to show and receive affection in the most physical way. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Jeongguk—he’s not that dumb, he knows Jeongguk loves him as much as he loves Jeongguk—but he doesn’t think he could make it work. 

So Taehyung does what cowards always do, and gives up before he can even try. He doesn’t tell Jeongguk that he’s going to break up with him at the end of the summer, and instead tries to make the most out of each day they have left. 

“Is this because you’re leaving soon?” Jeongguk asks one night when they’re both sprawled on the floor of Taehyung’s bedroom. The lights are out and the window is open, since the August heat is uncomfortably sticky. That doesn’t stop them from lying closer than they should be with how hot it is, both tired after spending the whole day out exploring the corners of Busan neither of them knew before. 

“Yes,” replies Taehyung, a knot tightening in his throat as he replies, and he feels like crying. Jeongguk doesn’t know how painfully right he is, how this is about him leaving—but not just for college, no. Taehyung is leaving him. “I just—I’m going to miss you. It’s going to be weird.” 

Jeongguk giggles, and Taehyung hates that there are tears on his cheeks. “Don’t cry, hyung,” Jeongguk says as he snuggles closer, nuzzling Taehyung’s neck before pressing a kiss to his wet cheek. “You know I’ll be with you, even from across the whole country. You know I’ll always be with you.” 

Taehyung feels like crying even harder, but he holds it back and wraps an arm around Jeongguk’s shoulder, pulling him to his chest. That night, he whispers ‘I love you’ against every plane of Jeongguk’s body, until he’s sure Jeongguk will remember the words even after doing what he’s planning to do when the summer is over. 

Jeongguk said he’d always be with him, even if he technically wasn’t there, per se. Taehyung hopes it’s true. 

✧

“I have been meaning to ask you something,” Jeongguk starts, playing with a loose strand on his sweater. Taehyung knows that means he is nervous, which makes him a little anxious too. Jeongguk has been the calmer one out of the two of them ever since they met again, so if he's nervous there must be a reason. He nods encouragingly, but inside he's terrified of what Jeongguk might ask. “Not to flatter myself or give myself more importance of the one I had to you, but maybe—is the song about me? About us?”

Taehyung holds back his breath, and oh. Of course Jeonggukkie would realize, he's never been stupid. Taehyung poured his whole soul and feelings into this song, and just because fate—and it's crazy that Taehyung has started believing in fate now, at twenty-six years old—is tricky, Jeongguk will be the one singing it. Taehyung pretends it doesn't rip his soul to watch Jeongguk sing the words that he wrote for him so many years ago, when he was too much of a coward to hold on to what he wanted the most.

What is he supposed to say now? If he says the truth Jeongguk might flip out, but he doesn't want to lie to Jeongguk. Never has Taehyung ever done it, not to him, and he's not going to start now. For a moment he considers staying silent, but he's tired of being scared. He wants to be brave, if not for what Jeongguk and him are now, just two artists working together, but for what they once were. For his first love.

“It is,” he admits, voice smaller than he had intended. He sounds afraid, and in reality he is. He has been scared of Jeongguk's reaction for years, has been fearing Jeongguk hated him for what he did. Taehyung left. Taehyung broke Jeongguk's heart, and the worst part is he didn't even do it because he wanted to, but because he was scared. “I meant every word, Jeongguk. I still do.”

How is Jeongguk going to react? Maybe he will tell Taehyung he has no right to show up all of sudden and tell him something like this. Maybe after all these years his anger is back, and Taehyung is willing to accept it and apologize until his lips bleed. Hurting Jeongguk is what Taehyung regrets the most, that has already been established. There's a small part of himself that makes him want to hate himself for it, but he has never been one to let the dark thoughts consume him.

“That's—that's unexpected,” Jeongguk mutters, and suddenly he looks like the seventeen-year-old he once was, standing before his front door with wide eyes and tears on his cheeks when his boyfriend left him. “I know when you dumped me you said it wasn't about me, but I assumed you just did because it was the right thing to say. You were going to Seoul and I was staying behind, so I just—I figured I was unimportant now that you had bigger things. I know you didn't usually talk about me, Jimin told me, but I used to ask Jimin about you all the time until he told me to move the fuck on and stop holding onto someone who was gone.”

He says the whole thing without looking at Taehyung in the eye, not even once. Everything Taehyung can think about is Jeongguk saying I figured I was unimportant over and over again, the words echoing in his mind. That’s the one thing he has never wanted Jeongguk to believe—that he was not important.

“You were never unimportant,” Taehyung speaks, voice firm. If there is something he will make sure Jeongguk knows, it is the impact he had—hell, still has—on his life. “You still aren't unimportant. You were the first person I ever truly loved, Jeongguk.”

“Then why did you leave me?” Jeongguk asks, and Taehyung hates that it sounds broken instead of accusatory. “If you loved me that much, then why not give it a try? We could have made it work, even from opposite sides of the country. With how much I loved you, we could have made it work.”

Taehyung takes a deep breath. “I'm sorry, Guk,” he finally says, the words that have been burning on the tip of his tongue for seven years. Did Jeongguk know that he was sorry? That he regretted it every single day ever since he saw Jeongguk's heart break right in front of him? “I was scared. I knew that even after high school, you would be staying in Busan and I thought that you would forget about me eventually. I thought—” His voice cracks. “I don't know, I thought that if I left you it would hurt less than if you left me because you lost interest or found someone else. I don't know how bad that would have been, but leaving you was, well—pretty bad.”

“Pretty bad,” Jeongguk repeats with a scoff. “Leaving me was pretty bad.”

“I'm sorry,” Taehyung says once again. Jeongguk isn't looking him in the eye anymore, and it makes Taehyung more than a little disappointed. He has missed those big, brown eyes, but he never seems to realize it until they're gone.

“I thought I had done something wrong. I got over it, eventually, but meanwhile—do you have any idea of how much it fucking hurt? The day after you broke up with me I woke up feeling like I had a hole in my chest. I still remember it as if it was yesterday. I waited for months for some kind of explanation, but you couldn't even be bothered to do that. It's just—you can't show up here seven years later with love songs about me, Taehyung.”

Taehyung looks away, aware that he finally has to word an apology for something he has been running from for seven years. It was only a matter of time before Jeongguk got older, which seems to go hand in hand with being braver and being bolder. He loves to see Jeongguk like this, but he’s also terribly sorry he missed the evolution. But well, it doesn’t matter as long as Jeongguk is happy—as long as he’s well.

“Why not? I loved you, and I know you’re aware of that,” he says instead, Jeongguk’s eyes avoiding his. He doesn’t fight him, though. “I was so scared, Jeongguk. I didn’t think it would have worked. I was convinced being apart would have rotted what we had, and I couldn’t let that happen to us. I know I was a coward and I know I couldn’t have been more wrong, but…”

They’re in silence for a few seconds, and maybe that’s the reason why Jeongguk’s voice sounds strangely loud when he speaks up again. “Do you regret it?” he asks. There’s a hint of uncertainty in his voice, as if he’s not sure whether he wants to hear the answer to his question or not.

“Yes,” Taehyung replies, not missing a beat. “I could count the days over the past seven years where I haven’t woken up thinking about what could have been different if I hadn’t done it. You don’t know—God, you don’t know how alone I felt, and the worst part is I had no one to blame except myself. But I couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than that, Jeongguk. I was too scared to try, and trust me when I say I wanted to convince myself to do otherwise.”

“Would you do the same thing now?”

And that question is tricky, really. If he says yes, then what does that even imply? But he has never lied to Jeongguk, and he’s not going to start now. Not when, after seven years, he might finally be getting his redemption.

“No, Jeongguk,” he replies, rolling each syllable off the tip of his tongue with care. He’s watching Jeongguk intently, but his gaze is so intense it’s burning Taehyung, too. It’s amazing how much Jeongguk can do to him even after all those years with as little as a glance, but Taehyung isn’t surprised. It’s Jeongguk, after all. It’s always been him, and at times like this it seems like it will always be him. “I wouldn’t leave you.”

Jeongguk looks away, and Taehyung doesn’t miss the way his hands are shaking a little as he leans back, away from Taehyung, and folds them on his lap. Jeongguk is nervous, and Taehyung feels his own heart skip a beat at being able to evoke such reactions from the other even after all those years.

Still as careful as ever, Jeongguk is the first one to suggest wrapping things up and leaving, let all those confessions sink down before anyone does something stupid. They’re not teenagers anymore. They’re supposed to think things through, even if Taehyung feels equally as lost or even more now than he was before. “Let’s call it a day,” he says, although he doesn’t fool Taehyung. He knows something is happening, and this time he promises he’s not going to spoil it—whatever it is—by being too afraid.

They pick up their stuff in silence and get in the elevator together, not uttering a word as they go down, but it’s not uncomfortable. There is something about Jeongguk’s presence that fills the silence just right, or maybe it’s because they once got to a point where words weren’t needed between the two. Either way, Jeongguk only speaks again when they’re walking side by side, making their way out of the building.

“See you soon, hyung,” he says, a tiny smile dancing on his lips, and Taehyung swears his heart drops, because there it is again. Along with the crinkles around his eyes, Taehyung can see the sincerity to Jeongguk’s smile shyly reappearing, and maybe it makes hope spark inside of him again.

For the first time in seven years, Taehyung lets himself wonder what being with Jeongguk again would be like. Not what would have happened, because he has exhausted all the possibilities with that idea—but finding him again and starting all over again, making it better.

If fate put Jeongguk in his life again it must be for a reason, right?

✧

Jeongguk is seventeen the day he gets his heart broken for the first time. Taehyung is nineteen the day he rips his own heart out of his chest. 

Ironically enough, the day Taehyung breaks up with Jeongguk is one of the brightest and sunniest days of that summer. It is warm, so warm that Taehyung is sweating a little more than he would have liked by the time he gets to Jeongguk’s place. He hasn’t told Jeongguk he is coming over, so the surprise is clear on his face when he opens the door just to find Taehyung on the other side. Jeongguk’s eyes look amazing under the sunlight today—then again, Jeongguk’s eyes always look amazing—and Taehyung’s heart starts to hurt right then. 

“Hey,” Jeongguk greets, nonchalant. He’s smiling, not even trying to hide how happy he is to see Taehyung there. “You didn’t tell me you were coming over. You wanna come in?” 

That is the kind of question you ask to be polite, expecting the answer to be “yes”. Under any other circumstances, Taehyung would have accepted, of course, but today is an exception. He just wants to get this over with as soon as possible. 

“I would rather not,” he replies, taking in the way Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrowed in a little frown, confused. God, Taehyung already hates himself. “There’s something I need to tell you.” 

‘There’s something I need to tell you’ is not ‘we need to talk’, but both are quite similar, in the end. Taehyung can practically hear all of Jeongguk’s alarms going off at his words, and it is only normal, Taehyung thinks. There is nothing wrong between them, at least not something noticeable. Not something Jeongguk could have realized or fixed even if he tried, because Taehyung has spent all summer preparing for this, and even if he still doesn’t want to, he is determined. 

In the end, Jeongguk replies, “Um, sure.” It sounds doubtful, and Taehyung bites down on his bottom lip before he speaks. After he says it there’s no going back, is there? 

“We need to break up,” he says, watching Jeongguk’s eyes widen in disbelief. 

Jeongguk’s lips fall open, as if he’s struggling to get the words out of his mouth, but when he does speak his voice sounds a little broken. “W-what? Are you for real?” 

And the whole reason why they are in this situation is because Taehyung is a coward, so it’s no wonder he ducks his head down, unable to meet Jeongguk’s eyes. He’s hiding, in the exact same way he’s running away to Seoul. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. He’s not sure whether he’s apologizing to Jeongguk or to himself, but it doesn’t seem like it’s making either of them feel any better. “It’s for the best.” 

“For the best?” Jeongguk asks with a scoff, skepticism dripping from his voice. Taehyung looks up briefly, but averts his gaze as soon as he sees tears well up in Jeongguk’s eyes. “Did I—did I do something wrong? We can talk about it, Taehyung, but don’t leave me this way.” 

“I’m sorry, Guk,” he apologizes again, because what else can he do? The realization that they’re over sinks in for Jeongguk, and Taehyung hears him sob while still looking down at his feet. He knows that if he looked up to his now ex-boyfriend’s face, he would see the wet trail of tears on his face, and the worst part is that he is the reason why. “I promise it’s not your fault.” 

“Just—go away,” Jeongguk ends up saying, sniffing after. Taehyung is frozen in place, and Jeongguk repeats. “Go! I don’t want to see you. Go away, Taehyung.” 

Taehyung feels his resolution start to crumble when he says that, lifting his head and taking in the way Jeongguk looks with tears down his cheeks. He looks hurt, but also a little angry and determined, so Taehyung turns around and leave. 

He meant to tell Jeongguk he loved him, but he guesses things will be easier this way. 

✧

The next day Taehyung gets to work with Jeongguk, it’s not the two of them alone, but the whole band, but it’s still better than not seeing him at all. After being with Jeongguk that last day, he has been finding himself thinking a lot about him—not that he didn’t think about Jeongguk after encountering him again, of course, but now it’s different. Rather than wondering if Jeongguk hates him, he just wants to spend more time with him.

It’s unavoidable, really. Traces of what they once had are everywhere, and Taehyung can see him falling all over again. Did he ever get over Jeongguk, honestly? He had been with more people after him, loved some, even, but somehow it doesn’t feel like it stopped what he felt for Jeongguk. Maybe it’s because they didn’t have proper closure, so it’s been hanging between them for years.

Either way, Taehyung feels a little giddy when he’s around Jeongguk, almost like he did when they first started that thing between them that later turned into a proper relationship. And he knows Jeongguk is in the same place, not only because he knows him, but also because he’s older and more experienced now—he knows how to read people, especially when he has been as close to them as he has been to Jeongguk.

Given that, it shouldn’t come as a surprise when Jeongguk approaches him during the lunch break that day, asking him to grab something together. Taehyung is stunned, really, but mostly because Jeongguk has never been one to show initiative when it comes to these things. He hasn’t been the only one to grow up, he reminds himself.

“Do you mean, like…” he trails off, trying to find a way to put it down into words that won’t scare Jeongguk away. They both need to be careful, he knows that much.

But Jeongguk has always been the bravest one out of the two, so with a half-smile he replies, “Yes, hyung. Like a date.”

It goes well, better than Taehyung had expected. It almost feels like the seven year gap between them was never there as Jeongguk tells him the most trivial, little things about his life, like how his coffee machine isn’t working and he had to ask his neighbor Seokjin for a cup this morning. He tells Jeongguk about when he met the Red Velvet girls, and Jeongguk confesses he knows the choreography to most of their title tracks. Talking to Jeongguk is easy even after all those years, and soon enough Taehyung is laughing so hard that tears form on the corners of his eyes. Jeongguk is looking at him with a satisfied smile and those crinkles around his eyes that Taehyung has missed dearly.

Jeongguk tells him he had a boyfriend back in America, and Taehyung tells him how he almost asked a girl to marry him because it seemed like the next logical step. Jeongguk’s eyes widen when he tells him so, and he leans forward to slap his forearm. “Hyung, you cannot just ask someone to marry you because it seems logical,” he says, making Taehyung laugh. “God, you’re so clueless.”

“In the end I didn’t, did I?” he replies, beaming at Jeongguk, who rolls his eyes. “Which was a good thing, considering we broke up not long after that.”

Jeongguk shakes his head with a sigh, but he still smiles a little before taking a bite of his food. There seems to be an unspoken agreement to not bring anything from their past up again, so Taehyung doesn’t. Instead, Taehyung talks Jeongguk’s ear off about how boring being in Busan is now that he only knows Jimin and Jeongguk, and Jeongguk gives him the new phone numbers of his old friends that changed it—along with his own.

Their break is over sooner than they both would have liked, and when they’re about to go back in the studio Jeongguk turns around to look at him, a playful smile on his lips. “Hyung?” he asks, voice mellow.

“Y-yeah?” Taehyung stutters, just a little scared of what Jeongguk might say.

“Call me.”

✧

Taehyung doesn’t end up calling Jeongguk. Instead, he texts him one day and asks him out on yet another date, and although he knew Jeongguk would say yes, he still feels happy and warm all over when Jeongguk texts back.

He picks Jeongguk up and drives him to the restaurant where he made a reservation, fancier and more expensive than what they could afford when they were teenagers. He has gone on dates like these before, but never with Jeongguk, which is exactly what makes it thrilling and exciting.

“Can I tell you something?” he asks Jeongguk when they’re waiting for their food.

Jeongguk looks a little worried, a small frown appearing in between his brows, and he says, “Sure, hyung. What is it?”

“It just feels—” Taehyung starts, feeling the words tangle on the tip of his tongue. He takes a deep breath and starts over. “It feels weird, being out on dates with you after so many years. Real dates, not just grabbing a sandwich for lunch. Dressing up, going to fairly fancy restaurants, hesitating to hold your hand—we've been through this before. I never thought we would be here again, and yet...”

Jeongguk bites down on his bottom lip, looking away. “Is that, um... Is that bad?”

He looks like he's scared, maybe of Taehyung breaking his heart for a second time, so Taehyung rushes to reassure, “No, not at all! Not bad weird. I just never thought you would give me the time of day after what I did.”

And then Jeongguk's expression softens and he says, “You have to let that go, Tae. I moved on, and you should, too.”

After that, Taehyung tries. It's easier to be around Jeongguk as time goes by, and Taehyung finds himself staying in Busan for longer than he expected, even after the arrangements for the song are done and he technically has no reason to stay there. He knows he has to go back to Seoul at some point, but he can afford to stay in Busan for a little longer. Besides, Jeongguk's smiles inspires him, so he finds himself writing a lot of lyrics—love songs, because Taehyung has always been a romantic like that.

At some point he realizes he's falling for Jeongguk again, and this time it’s harder and faster. It's odd, because this time they don't have the physical intimacy they had when they first fell in love—fuck, they haven't kissed in seven years. Taehyung wonders how he has survived for the last seven years, because now it's been around a month and he's literally dying to get those lips on his again. Taehyung isn't as oblivious or dense as he once was, and now that he not only knows the signs but also Jeongguk's signs, he can tell his feelings aren't unrequited. He just doesn't know what to do, how to take that step further that will make them what they once were—more, even. They're not in high school anymore, after all.

They go to the cinema one day, because Taehyung is determined to go on every single cliché date they can go on, and then he insists on walking Jeongguk to his apartment building. They hold hands all the way there, Taehyung clinging to Jeongguk's arm more often than not, and by the time they get to Jeongguk's building, both their cheeks hurt with how wide they're smiling. And just like that, Taehyung is in love again. His chest feels a little tighter now that Jeongguk is occupying his spot in it, a spot that has been there since they were kids and that for years has been empty or filled with people that just weren't right. But Jeongguk is here, again. He makes Taehyung's day a little brighter with as little as a smile, and there's no way Taehyung is going to let him go for a second time.

They get there and Jeongguk stares at him for a moment, his face falling as his expression turns into one of longing. Taehyung is about to ask what's wrong, but Jeongguk beats him to it. “Taehyung, can I—” he starts, biting the inside of his cheek before he carries on. “Can I kiss you?”

Taehyung swears he can hear is own heart with how loud it is beating, and he's so stunned he doesn't say anything for a moment. But then he's surging forward, taking Jeongguk's face in his hands and pressing his lips against Jeongguk's in a kiss that is seven years too late. Jeongguk lets out a small, surprised sound, but soon enough he's clasping his hands around Taehyung's waist and kissing back.

It's sweet. It is also slow and gentle, and tastes a lot like a reunion, like the month they have spent together was a prelude to this. Jeongguk's lips move firmly against his, but it doesn't make it any less chaste—Jeongguk kisses with a determination that Taehyung never knew could be present in a kiss, and Taehyung can only take, take, take everything Jeongguk is willing to give him.

They pull away when they're both running out of breath, Taehyung's head spinning like crazy. Kissing Jeongguk again feels even better than it did back in the day, and Taehyung lets himself wonder if this is what finding the one feels like. Right now, as he pulls away to look at Jeongguk’s bright eyes, he doesn’t have a doubt.

✧

A couple of weeks after that, Jeongguk calls Taehyung and asks him to go to the studio they used when they were making the arrangements for the song. He doesn’t tell Taehyung why, so he feels curiosity and anticipation build up inside of him as he gets there.

When he does get to the studio he greets Jeongguk with a chaste kiss to the lips, a habit they have been building over the past few weeks. It feels like second nature by now, something Taehyung still has trouble believing—having Jeongguk back and things being this right is not something he saw happening.

“What did you call me here for?” he asks after getting rid of his coat, sitting on the couch next to Jeongguk.

Jeongguk bites down on his bottom lip before replying, staring at the computer on the desk. “We finished recording the song yesterday,” he replies, Taehyung’s lips making a little “o” as Jeongguk keeps on talking. “The record label loved it, and well—I guess I wanted you to hear it before anyone else did. Everyone wanted you to, since it’s your song, after all, but you know I have my reasons.”

Taehyung cannot help but think that it’s adorable how nervous Jeongguk is. He knows Jeongguk knows he’s good, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need a little reassurance and validation every once in a while. The problem is that, even if he’s good, most of the time Jeongguk doesn’t think he’s good enough. Right now, he might be thinking that his vocals are not good enough for Taehyung’s song, but Taehyung knows that he exceeded his expectations—even if he hasn’t heard them yet.

He squeezes Jeongguk’s knee and gives him a smile, telling him, “Just show me, then.”

Jeongguk nods and stands up, playing the song, and the familiar melody starts filling the room. Taehyung has heard Jeongguk sing it before, while they were doing the arrangements, but he hasn’t heard the result yet. He shuffles closer to Jeongguk when he sits next to him, letting him wrap an arm around his shoulders, and lets himself enjoy it.

He tries to focus on the work the rest of the band does, too, but he can’t seem to tear his attention away from Jeongguk’s sweet, melodic voice. He sings the lyrics not only with the perfection and spotlessness of a singer who has been trained for years, but also with the sentiment of someone who understands, and that’s what makes Taehyung’s chest tighten a little. For the first time, it doesn’t hurt to listen to his own lyrics, it doesn’t unravel that familiar pang of guilt, and Taehyung finally feels like he’s had closure.

The song ends and Jeongguk looks expectantly at Taehyung, looking a little nervous. And Taehyung—well, he’s stunned. He doesn’t know what to say, words stuck in his throat as he looks up at Jeongguk in wonder.

“That was—that was amazing,” he says, Jeongguk smiling shyly at him. “You’re amazing.”

Taehyung knows that nobody could have sung it better than Jeongguk, and he makes sure to tell him that. He praises Dongyeol, Sojung and Jihoon’s work as well, but it’s mostly about Jeongguk—he’s biased, sue him. Jeongguk smiles widely and his cheeks turn pink at times, but Taehyung cannot stop talking now. He asks Jeongguk to play the song again and he comments on every note, every falsetto—everything.

In the end, Jeongguk ends up shutting him up with a kiss, one that goes a little harsher and more rushed than the ones they’ve been sharing lately. Taehyung looks at Jeongguk with curious eyes when they pull away, and the look on his face tells him that he wants more, too.

Jeongguk's lips crash against Taehyung's again, and the latter decides there's no way he has been able to go on for the past seven years without this. Jeongguk's mouth moves against Taehyung's with an urgency and a neediness that their previous kisses after that cinema date didn't anticipate, and Taehyung cannot bring himself to stop. He whimpers when Jeongguk bites down on his bottom lip, granting access to his eager tongue as he wraps his arms tightly around Jeongguk's neck in an attempt to bring them even closer—not that there was any space left between them, anyway.

He can't hold back a yelp when Jeongguk holds the back of his thighs and lifts him up, sitting him on the table behind them. Like this Taehyung feels even closer, and he crosses his ankles behind the small of Jeongguk's back, licking into his mouth eagerly.

Jeongguk's scent is intoxicating and the breathy, little noises he's making are driving Taehyung crazy, his desperation growing more and more each time. Hell, he needs Jeongguk—all of him.

“We can't do this here,” Taehyung says in a moment of lucidity. Jeongguk doesn't listen, his hands placed at each side of Taehyung's body, caging him as he kisses down his neck. “Fuck, babe—not here, c'mon, I don't think my parents are home, we can go to my place if you want.”

“Your parents?” Jeongguk giggles, now pulling away. “Are we somehow still in high school?”

Taehyung scoffs, feigning offense as Jeongguk wipes away the spit of his swollen bottom lip with his thumb. God, that shouldn't be half as hot as it is.

“Fuck you, I can't have a loft both in Seoul and Busan,” he replies, Jeongguk rolling his eyes at the statement. He has never been one easily impressed by material goods.

“Come to mine,” Jeongguk replies instead, leaning in to kiss Taehyung again as he gives Jeongguk's waist a light squeeze with his thighs. Jeongguk hums appreciatively, running his hands up Taehyung's upper thighs before he speaks again. “I live alone, no one is going to bother us. No parents to worry about.”

Taehyung bites down on his bottom lip, nodding as Jeongguk takes one step back so he can jump off the table. All the way back to Jeongguk's place Taehyung feels heat coil in his stomach, and his anticipation only grows as he walks side by side with Jeongguk to the younger's apartment. They're silent now, sexual tension hanging in the air between them, and Taehyung cannot stop thinking about the things he wants to do to Jeongguk, or the things he wants Jeongguk to do to him—he just wants.

He's the one who tugs at Jeongguk's arm when they're both inside the apartment, resting his back on the front door as Jeongguk's body cages him against it. With a sigh, Taehyung kisses him again, hungry and needy from the start. He claws at Jeongguk's t-shirt in an attempt to get him closer, whimpers falling from his lips when one of Jeongguk's thighs parts his and grinds against his crotch.

“F-fuck, Jeongguk,” he groans, lolling his head back against the door as his dick hardens inside his jeans. “God, please, do that again.”

Years have made Jeongguk more experienced, and thus also more confident. That’s obvious in the way he kisses Taehyung’s neck, biting down and sucking bruises in a way he never has. It’s new, so different from the Jeongguk that Taehyung is used to, but that’s what makes it exciting. He’s stronger now, and maybe a little too rough when he drags Taehyung to his bedroom and throws him on his mattress, getting rid of his own shirt before covering Taehyung’s body with his own on the bed, but Taehyung loves every bit of it. It’s no secret to him that he loves to be manhandled, so he loves the way Jeongguk’s hands part his thighs before he settles in the middle of them, supporting his weight on one elbow by Taehyung’s head as his other palm runs down the jean clad skin.

“I’ve been thinking about this since I first saw you again, hyung,” Jeongguk confesses, punctuating it with a wet kiss to Taehyung’s collarbone. Taehyung moans, digging his fingernails lightly on Jeongguk’s shoulders. He has always been sensitive there, and Jeongguk knows that—he still remembers, judging by the way he keeps teasing Taehyung by nibbling at the area just to lap the sting away. “You’ve gotten so hot, Taehyung. Not that you weren’t hot before, but you know—you’re a whole man now.”

The way Jeongguk stumbles with his words even in moments like these, rambling a little, makes Taehyung laugh breathlessly as he arches off the bed and against Jeongguk’s body. “You’re not too bad yourself,” he says, taking in the way Jeongguk bucks his hips against his. “Holy—please, Guk.”

He doesn’t even know what he’s asking for, but Jeongguk seems to, since he quickly gets rid of Taehyung’s t-shirt before attaching his mouth to his chest. Taehyung feels heat coil in his stomach as Jeongguk kisses all the way to one of his nipples, whining when he feels his hot breath brush against it. But Jeongguk, ever the tease, just brushes his fingertips up Taehyung’s sides, not touching him until he’s squirming and begging. Only then does he run his tongue flat against it, teasing it with his teeth as he pinches and rolls the other bud with his fingers. Taehyung is on edge, his jeans feeling way too tight as he gets harder and harder under Jeongguk’s ministrations, and now nothing feels like enough. He needs more, needs everything from Jeongguk.

“Oh, God—Jeongguk, come on,” he chokes out, voice strained. Jeongguk looks up from where he’s still licking Taehyung’s nipple, giving him a way too innocent look considering what he’s doing right now. “Please, please, fuck me.”

Jeongguk moans, biting down on Taehyung’s nipple before he’s letting go and sitting on his heels. “You can’t just say stuff like that,” he complains, although Taehyung knows he doesn’t mean it. Taehyung parts his legs even further, spreading his thighs and he reaches down to pop open the button to his own jeans, and that seems to pique Jeongguk’s interest. “Let’s get you out of those.”

Getting rid of Taehyung’s jeans proves to be way easier than getting rid of Jeongguk’s, since not only are those incredibly tight, but his thighs have also gotten enormous. This time, Taehyung is the one who settles on top of the other, kissing down his chest and abdomen and purposefully avoiding his groin as he settles between Jeongguk’s thighs, running his palms over both of them.

Jeongguk looks down at him expectantly, watching Taehyung’s every move. He decides to get back at Jeongguk and tease him a little, brushing his lips against one of Jeongguk’s thighs and feeling the way it clenches under his touch. It drives Taehyung crazy, how sensitive Jeongguk is when he finally kisses and nibbles on the skin. He sucks a trail of bruises all the way up to his boxers, a wet patch of pre-come adorning the front of it.

He’s about to hook his fingers on Jeongguk’s underwear and get rid of it, but then a hand is cupping his jaw and pulling him in for a kiss, Jeongguk sitting up so Taehyung can settle in his lap, so he’s not going to complain. He can feel Jeongguk’s erection right under his ass and he rolls his hips experimentally, grinding on it as Jeongguk whimpers. He bucks up his hips, though, and eventually they end up building a rhythm that has both of them more worked up than just dry humping each other should.

Jeongguk’s hands go down to Taehyung’s ass and squeeze, making him moan loudly as pleasure jolts down his spine. It’s not long before Jeongguk slips his hands under Taehyung’s briefs, the feeling of more of Jeongguk’s skin against his skin making Taehyung’s head spin. Jeongguk spreads Taehyung’s ass cheeks opens, a prodding finger brushing over his crack, and Taehyung’s hips falter as if he doesn’t know whether he wants to shy away from the touch or if he wants more.

“Fuck, Tae,” Jeongguk says under his breath, sounding as wrecked as he looks—his cheeks are bright red, his hair is a mess and his lips are swollen. In addition, his eyes are glassy and his pupils blown wide, and Taehyung doesn’t think he’s ever wanted someone this much. “Can I eat you out?”

And that wouldn’t be the first time Taehyung gets rimmed, not at all, but it would be the first time he gets rimmed by Jeongguk. He stares down at Jeongguk, stunned, and he can see a hint of fear on his face when he takes too long to reply. But in the end he nods eagerly, Jeongguk’s fingers gripping his hips so tight Taehyung lets himself fantasize about getting bruises in the shape of Jeongguk’s fingertips.

“Yes, yes, please,” he ends up babbling as he scrambles off Jeongguk’s lap to lay on his back. “Ah, God, fuck—is this okay?”

Jeongguk hums, pecking him on the mouth before he starts kissing down his neck. Taehyung tells himself to relax, but his body tenses in anticipation since he knows how this one will end. Jeongguk kisses down his chest and torso, and when he gets to the waistband of Taehyung’s underwear he pulls it down, careful to avoid Taehyung’s leaking cock. He, again, runs his hands down his thighs, bending his legs on the knees before he leans forward to peck a chaste kiss against one of his knee caps.

The trail of kisses Jeongguk presses up Taehyung’s thighs starts as ticklish, and finishes with Taehyung squirming under Jeongguk’s mouth as he sucks bruises on Taehyung’s quivering thighs. Taehyung feels extremely aroused, his cock leaking pre-come on his belly as Jeongguk gets closer and closer to his entrance, and he’s burning with want and anticipation. Jeongguk softly nibbles on the tender flesh of one of Taehyung’s ass cheeks, and Taehyung hisses because he’s so damn close. Jeongguk is teasing him, of course he is, testing how much he can work Taehyung up without giving him what he really wants. Taehyung falls for it, whining impatiently.

Jeongguk laughs, spreading Taehyung’s cheeks with his hands, and Taehyung sucks in a breath. “What?”

“Hurry up,” Taehyung urges, voice raspy with how much he needs it now. Jeongguk seems to be enjoying this, taking his sweet time, but Taehyung doesn’t think he can stay like this for much longer.

There’s no response to that, because then Jeongguk is pressing his tongue flat against Taehyung’s crack and lapping at his hole, making Taehyung clench his fists around the sheets. Jeongguk snickers, clearly amused by Taehyung’s reaction, before licking at his rim again.

Taehyung bites down on his bottom lip to try to muffle his moans, closing his eyes as he lolls his head back on the mattress. He reaches with one of his hands and threads his fingers in Jeongguk’s hair, tugging lightly at the soft strands as Jeongguk rims him so good he feels his eyes water.

“You’re so—oh, God—so good, Jeonggukie,” he babbles as Jeongguk pushes at the ring of muscle with his tongue, teasing it.

Taehyung hooks his hands behind his own knees, spreading his legs even further as Jeongguk takes ahold of his hips, pressing even closer. The feeling of Jeongguk’s tongue poking inside of him has Taehyung’s thighs shaking as he chokes out a sob, his grip around Jeongguk’s hair tightening. That makes Jeongguk moan while he still has his mouth on Taehyung’s hole, and the whole scenario makes a fat bead of pre-come leak from Taehyung’s cock and drip on his stomach.

“I need you now,” Taehyung ends up managing to say. Jeongguk’s mouth is great, but he knows for a fact his dick will feel better. Fuck, Taehyung remembers sex with Jeongguk as mind-blowing—sure, his standards were lower back then, as well as both their stamina, but they’re both more experienced now. He knows he’s going to love it either way, because it’s Jeongguk and there’s already that emotional connection that really makes sex thrilling. But he also knows Jeongguk is good at nearly everything, and sex is most likely not an exception.

Fortunately for him, Jeongguk obliges without teasing Taehyung further. Taehyung is almost disappointed when Jeongguk leans away from his body and towards the bedside table to retrieve the lube, but cannot hide his anticipation when Jeongguk uncaps the bottle and drizzles the lube on his fingers. He snickers, giving Jeongguk a pointed look.

“What’s got you so excited, babe?” he asks, the pet name making Taehyung’s insides twist pleasantly.

“Shut up and fuck me,” is what Taehyung replies, making Jeongguk laugh throatily.

There’s no way Taehyung could be prepared for the feeling of Jeongguk’s slick finger circling his rim, barely pushing inside. He sucks in a breath as Jeongguk teases his entrance, whining when he slowly slides in. Jeongguk is careful, focused; he bites down on his bottom lip until he slides his finger all the way in, and only then does he look up at Taehyung.

“Good?” he asks.

“Perfect,” Taehyung reassures quickly, the flush on Jeongguk’s face and neck deepening momentarily. “I want more, give me more.”

Jeongguk sighs shakily, growing aroused, and he starts thrusting his finger in and out of Taehyung, getting him ready for his cock. It’s not long before he’s taking out his finger just to squeeze two right back in, but it seems so to Taehyung. The stretch now that Jeongguk is pushing two fingers inside of him is more pleasurable, burning in the slightest as Jeongguk scissors his digits to stretch him out, and Taehyung could die from how good it feels.

“Oh, yes, Jeongguk—right there,” he moans when Jeongguk finds his sweet spot, squirming a little as he spreads his legs even further.

Jeongguk gives him a wicked smile, but he still brushes against his prostate with each thrust of his fingers. He eventually slides a third in as well, making Taehyung gasp and clench as Jeongguk tells him to relax, rubbing soothing circles on the skin of his inner thigh with his other hand. Soon enough he’s fucking Taehyung with his fingers again, and Taehyung cries out at how good it feels. “You like that, Tae?”

“Yes, fuck, yes,” Taehyung replies, breathlessly. “Your fingers feel so good, Jeongguk. I can’t wait to have your cock inside me.”

Jeongguk makes a low sound in the back of his throat, scissoring his fingers inside of Taehyung one last time before he reaches for a condom. He tears the wrapper open and puts it on with skilled fingers, squirting more lube in his palm as he slicks himself up. He’s about to go back to kneeling in the middle of Taehyung’s parted thighs when Taehyung stops him, sitting up.

“Wait,” he says, placing a hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder and pushing lightly so the younger lays back. “Let me ride you.”

Jeongguk obliges, nodding as he lays on his back. He looks up at Taehyung with a stunned look on his face when Taehyung straddles him, one of Jeongguk’s hands immediately clasping around Taehyung’s hip. Taehyung is still holding onto Jeongguk’s shoulder for leverage, and with his other hand he reaches behind his back for Jeongguk’s cock, guiding it to his hole. Jeongguk gasps when the head of his cock pushes against Taehyung’s entrance, and Taehyung feels a warm wave of nervousness wash over him before he sinks down on Jeongguk. His mind goes blank the moment he does, Jeongguk sliding inside of him inch by inch, and Taehyung feels so goddamned full. His mouth falls open in a silent moan by the time Jeongguk is buried to the hilt within him, and he stays still for a moment to let both of them adjust.

He clenches around Jeongguk, experimentally, and suddenly the grip he has on Taehyung’s hips is tightening to the point Taehyung is sure it will bruise. He himself digs his nails in the skin of Jeongguk’s shoulder, taking in Jeongguk’s low moan as he does so. Then Jeongguk raises his gaze, starting at Taehyung’s eyes intensely, and Taehyung moves his hand to Jeongguk’s thigh, supporting his weight there as he starts to move his hips in small motions.

There’s a triumphant feeling that washes over Taehyung as he starts to pick up a pace, bouncing on Jeongguk’s dick. He seems to not be able to stop touching Taehyung, hands constantly moving from his waist to his ass, which he squeezes and spreads even further as Taehyung keeps fucking himself on his cock. The loud smack of skin on skin and the low curses coming from both their mouths have nothing to do with how tender the sex between them used to be, but Taehyung wouldn’t change the feeling of Jeongguk inside him right now for anything. He is thrusting his own hips upwards to meet Taehyung’s movements, and Taehyung cannot help but cry out his name.

“So full, Gukkie,” he rambles, moving his hands so both his palms are pressed against Jeongguk’s chest. He is looking up at Taehyung with dark eyes, and Taehyung’s dick twitches from arousal under the heat of his gaze. “F-fuck, baby. Your cock feels so good.”

Jeongguk groans, his thumbs rubbing circles on Taehyung’s hipbones. “You’re so beautiful, Tae,” he says, and Taehyung throws his head back and closes his eyes. “No, look at me. I want your eyes on me.”

Taehyung doesn’t find it in himself to disobey, and his eyes go back to Jeongguk’s almost instantly. It’s then that Jeongguk decides to curl an arm around Taehyung’s waist and flip them over, still inside of Taehyung. Jeongguk supports his weight on his elbows at either side of Taehyung’s head, thrusting into him at a slow pace.

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung whines in protest. “Come on, fuck me properly.”

Jeongguk chuckles, burying his head in the crook of Taehyung’s neck and pressing a wet kiss on there. “What do you mean? Isn’t this good enough?”

Taehyung knows that the unnervingly slow pace of Jeongguk’s hips must be driving him crazy as well, but he probably just wants Taehyung to beg. Under normal circumstances he would never, but—fuck, this is Jeongguk and he needs it so, so bad.

“Harder,” he breathes out. “Faster. Jeongguk, please.”

And Jeongguk obliges, of course he does, but is still not enough. He smiles down at Taehyung, wide and toothy, and Taehyung wants to wipe it away. With his mouth, preferably. Even if he’s as worked up as he is, Taehyung still doesn’t miss how sex with Jeongguk has a level of playfulness and intimacy that is only there with people you have a certain bond with.

“Harder,” Taehyung asks again as Jeongguk nibbles down on his throat, the speed increasing again.

“Like this?” Jeongguk asks, and he sounds a little out of breath, too.

Taehyung threads his fingers in Jeongguk hair, tugging at his head to he can look at him in the eyes as he speaks. “Harder,” he repeats.

And then Jeongguk is snapping his hips, fucking Taehyung just right, just in the way he needs it. Taehyung wraps his thighs around Jeongguk’s waist, nails scratching red marks on the back of Jeongguk’s shoulders, and now he can feel the orgasm building inside of him. He clenches around Jeongguk, making him groan, and suddenly Jeongguk is snaking a hand around both their torsos and pumping Taehyung’s cock in frantic strokes.

“Just like this,” Taehyung chokes out, arching his back off the mattress. “God, I wish—I wish you could come inside me, fill me up with your load,” Taehyung babbles, making Jeongguk grunt. Back in the day they never used a condom, and in this exact moment Taehyung would give everything to have Jeongguk’s come inside of him. It would be a mess, but a hot one.

“Fuck, babe,” Jeongguk replies, still jerking Taehyung off. “You always say all the right things, don’t you? Always know what I want to hear.”

Taehyung squirms under Jeongguk’s body, his prostate hit by each one of Jeongguk’s thrusts. He doesn’t know how he manages to, since he can’t even think straight right now, but he manages to warn, “I’m gonna come.”

Jeongguk moves his mouth to his ear, whispering sweet words of encouragement in Taehyung’s ear, and God—this is so good, the feeling of Jeongguk fucking into him, having him to himself after all this time. When he comes, he does so with a loud cry of Jeongguk’s name and clenching around his cock, and Jeongguk moans loudly at the way Taehyung is squeezing him before spilling inside the condom as well.

Jeongguk flops on top of Taehyung, who makes a noise in protest but still brushes Jeongguk’s sweaty bangs with his fingers. Jeongguk looks at him with big, doe eyes, and Taehyung takes in the blissful expression on his face. He looks relaxed, like he’s content to be in Taehyung’s presence, and that makes his chest swell up, both with pride and satisfaction.

They clean up eventually, and although he’s tired and would like nothing more than to stay, Taehyung sits on Jeongguk’s mattress, naked, unsure whether he should get up and leave or stay. Jeongguk comes back from the bathroom, freezing under the doorframe when he sees Taehyung. He’s still naked as he brings one of his hands to his hip, giving Taehyung a pointed look, and for a bitter moment he thinks he’s gonna kick him out.

“Why do you look like someone just shoved a broomstick up your ass?” he asks, making Taehyung’s eyes widen as he blushes. He doesn’t— “I mean, I know I’m big, but not that big,” he adds, the corner of his mouth lifting up in half a smile.

“Oh, God, shut the fuck up,” he groans as Jeongguk approaches him, pushing at Taehyung’s shoulder so he’s on his back. He then straddles him, pecking his mouth chastely. “You’re average at best, don’t flatter yourself.”

That’s a lie and they both know that. Jeongguk is deliciously thick, making the stretch around his girth one of the best Taehyung’s had, but he’s not going to admit that out loud. Jeongguk feigns offense, saying, “You wound me.” Taehyung snorts against his lips, kissing him again before Jeongguk asks, “You’re staying the night, right?”

Taehyung blinks up at Jeongguk, stunned. It’s easy to forget sometimes that the feelings for Jeongguk blossoming in his chest aren’t one-sided, that Jeongguk feels just the same way. Luckily for him, Jeongguk is here to remind him every single time.

“I’ll stay for as long as you want me to,” he replies, watching Jeongguk’s eyes turn into crescents with how hard he’s smiling.

He doesn’t say it out loud, but he hopes that Jeongguk wants him to stay for a very, very long time.

✧

Taehyung and Jeongguk officially get back together a couple weeks after that, and Taehyung swears he has never seen his mother as happy as when he tells her. She tells Taehyung to invite Jeongguk over for dinner that very same weekend, and there’s no way any of them could refuse—Jeongguk has always adored Taehyung’s mom, anyway. Jimin is happy to hear the news, too, although a little surprised, and Taehyung likes the way everything is falling back into place.

He tells Jeongguk he loves him in the most unexpected—and also unromantic—way about two months after he first got to Busan. They’re making dinner and Jeongguk picks up the potato peels, shaking them dangerously close to Taehyung’s face as he wrinkles his nose, trying to pull away. His back is against the counter and he has no way out, and Jeongguk keeps getting closer with a ridiculously wide smile on his face.

“Jeongguk, babe, I love you, but if you touch my face with that I’ll end your life,” he says, trying to keep the disgust away from his voice.

Jeongguk bursts into laughter, his eyes crinkling, but still drops the peels in the trash before placing his palms on the counter around Taehyung’s body, caging him in. “So you love me, huh?” he asks.

Taehyung panics for a brief moment, only then registering what he has said, but it doesn’t last for long. It’s Jeongguk, the same one who has forgiven him for what he did to him, the same one who now looks at Taehyung with the same infatuation he looks at Jeongguk with.

So Taehyung smiles at him, sweetly, and curls his arms around Jeongguk’s neck, careful to not stain Jeongguk’s shirt. Jeongguk grins right back at him, softly knocking their foreheads together, their noses brushing as Taehyung speaks. “Of course I do, asshat,” he says, making Jeongguk laugh a little against Taehyung’s lip. “So much.”

“I love you, too,” Jeongguk says right back, not missing a beat. “I’m not sure I ever stopped loving you, even.”

Taehyung knows painfully well what that means. It doesn’t necessarily imply that they were in love with each other all those years, not in the same way they are right now. But they were each other’s first love, and that means there was always a special place for the other in their heart. Taehyung is still in awe that after all these years they met up and fell in love all over again, but he knew all along that they couldn’t be over yet. Not like that, with Taehyung being a coward.

Jeongguk kisses him briefly, but then he pulls away and licks at his lips, stating, “I’ve been meaning to ask you something, Tae.”

Taehyung would be lying if he said he’s not a little nervous, truthfully. He still says, “Fire away.” Even if he’s not ready for what might come.

“When are you—when are you going back to Seoul?”

Yoongi has told him he needs to go back to Seoul, since their boss doesn’t like him being away for too long, but he has been trying to postpone it. He just doesn’t want to leave Jeongguk again, but it’s reached this point, and they both seem to assume it’s unavoidable. Taehyung sighs.

“I don’t know,” he replies, truthfully. “I should go soon if I don’t want my boss to be pissed, but I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to walk away from you again.”

Jeongguk smiles a little, even if it seems a bit sad. “We can make it work, Tae,” he says, and he looks so determined Taehyung cannot help but believe him. “Besides, if things go well for us we might be moving to Seoul as well. Just give it a few months, I’m sure it will work out.”

“You can come visit,” Taehyung replies, pecking Jeongguk in the mouth and making him laugh. “I spend more time in your apartment than at my parents’ house, that could be my way of paying you back.”

“Still,” Jeongguk insists. “I don’t want you to get fired, you need to go back home.”

“I’m home,” Taehyung replies, and Jeongguk frowns a little. “I think for me a home is not defined by the streets and the buildings around me, but by the one person in the world I love the most. Wherever they are, is my home. And you’re here, aren’t you?”

Jeongguk throws his head back, laughing, but Taehyung doesn’t miss how he’s blushing a little. “You’re ridiculous.”

“But you love it,” he says as Jeongguk lets go of him, resuming with the cooking of their momentarily abandoned dinner.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he mumbles. “Help me out here, hyung.”

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything else about Taehyung’s little confession, but Taehyung doesn’t worry about it—it’s good to see there are still some parts of the old Jeongguk, who would have trouble talking about his own feelings most of the time. But he still drops a loud, quick kiss on Taehyung’s cheek out of the blue while they keep making dinner, and Taehyung knows that Jeongguk loves him just as much.

✧

Taehyung has never been a big believer in fate, but he’s twenty-six when life proves him wrong. Jeongguk singing the song he wrote for him when he walked out of his life so many years ago is not a coincidence, or at least he likes to think that. There’s no way, he reasons as he watches Jeongguk step out of his train with a wide smile and the whole universe in his eyes, that something as big as this—something as big as them—is a product of luck.

He’s in Jeongguk’s arms again after what felt likes ages, and he holds him as close and as tight as he can. It’s then that Jeongguk gets his mouth close to Taehyung’s ear and whispers, “Welcome home, Tae.”

Taehyung buries his face in the crook of Jeongguk’s neck, pressing him closer. Jeongguk’s right: as long as they’re together, Taehyung is home.