Chapter Text
With hindsight, Shane would have been happy he was “forced” to come out to his parents, because he didn’t think he would have been able to handle this situation on his own.
The situation being his newly acquired boyfriend lying delirious on his couch.
Two days earlier
Shane couldn’t believe his luck.
A few weeks ago, he thought his personal life was just a lost cause: he was in love with a man – a man he didn’t even know would love him back –, he was a closeted player, closeted friend, and most of all a closeted son. The thought of being able to have a relationship, let alone having his parents know and them being happy about it, was a dream he wouldn’t dare to dream.
And now here he was, driving his “boring”car back to his beloved cottage, his favorite place in the world, after coming out to his parents and having lunch with them and his boyfriend, like it was the most natural thing to do.
Of course, he never doubted his parents would be accepting of his sexuality, but for a long time, he had later realized, it was he himself who couldn’t accept being gay.
Growing up as hockey player, he had always believed he had to conform to a certain type of masculinity, as if it was expected of him to be this womanizer, playboy kind of guy who could go from one girl to another, and with every right to do so.
Nothing could be farther from the truth, not just for him though, but for most of the players he knew or was friends with.
Take Hayden for example. He was an NHL player, a funny guy and to be honest (but Ilya could never know that) also really cute. He probably could have fooled around for a long time, taking advantage of his fame to have fun and never fully commit, but he actually settled up pretty quickly with Jacky, and he was the most faithful husband.
And the same could be said for JJ or many others of his teammates, who surely liked to goof around, but always in a respectful way.
So, in a way, he had always known that the idea most people had of athletes, and especially hockey players, was based on a false stereotype and yet, he had tried very hard to conform to it.
He had tried for years to deny his feelings for Ilya, pretending that he was only experimenting, that their hook ups were just for fun, a kinky game to further fuel their rivalry, that he liked the sex but there were no strings attached.
But who had he tried to fool?? He probably fell in love with Ilya the day he first saw him, trying to light a cigarette in a non-smoking area, cheeks pink from the cold and his beautiful curls coming out of a beanie.
Yeah, it took ages – and to be honest it was also Ilya’s fault – but with a little help from Rose he finally confronted his sexuality and his feelings, and now he felt like the freest and happiest person on earth, and the acceptance from his parents was just the cherry on top.
Of course he was still a closeted player, and he doubted he could just run blabbing about being gay AND in love with Ilya to his teammates, but the situation wasn’t as catastrophic as it seemed at the beginning, and he was starting to think that eventually, somehow, he would be able to live the relationship with the person he loved just like anybody else.
But for now, he would just enjoy his victories, one of which was being loved by the handsome guy who was now dozing off in the passenger seat.
Seeing Ilya so relaxed, after the day they had, was just heartwarming.
They didn’t talk much, after leaving his parents’ house. It was like they were too stunned by the turn of events, and honestly at loss for words.
When they got into the car they just both stared silently ahead, each lost in his own world. Then they exchanged a glance, and that was enough to make them burst into a liberating laughter, which then turned into a cry of relief.
Now Shane was peacefully driving with the radio turned on, the volume low - just a discrete company to their quiet cruising - and Ilya’s hand on his thigh.
He loved his hands.
He had the most beautiful hands. He loved the light fuzz on his knuckles, and the little mole on his pinky finger. He loved the way his long fingers cradled his face and the way they could make him shiver with pleasure with the lightest touch.
Those hands were a menace on the ice, when they were handling the stick, but outside of the rink they would never cause any harm.
Just like Ilya, who, he soon realized, was the gentlest soul he had ever met, the whole asshole thing being just a façade. Though he would never admit it.
God he was gorgeous, with the light hitting his face, and his golden cu-
“Stop staring. Eyes on the road. It’s not nice if we crash after coming out to your family”, Ilya’s sudden words snapped him back to reality.
“Wha-... I’m not staring! How can you tell that I’m staring if you’re sleeping!”. He felt like a kid caught with their hands in the cookie jar, and he couldn’t help but blush a little.
“I’m not sleeping.”
“Your eyes are closed!”
“I’m talking to you, no? So not sleeping. Just resting my eyes, enjoying your boring drive.”
“My boring drive?! You know what, I’ll let you go behind the wheel next time, let’s see how YOU drive!”
“Mmmm no thanks. I think I like being… how do you call it? Princess passenger?”
“Passenger princess, you idiot.”
“Ah, it’s the same.” Ilya started stirring as if he was waking up from a long nap, over exaggerating his movements and intentionally outstretching his arms so that his left hand went gently slapping Shane’s cheek.
“Hey, no distracting the driver! You’re not worried about us crashing now?!”
Ilya started to caress his face, looking at him with fond eyes.
“No. I trust you. My responsible Canadian boyfriend.”
Shane smiled.
“I like this word. “Boyfriend”. I like it so much. I love it.”
“I love you.” Now Ilya was looking at him, actually no, staring at him with green blue eyes that were conveying nothing but unconditional affection.
Shane took his hand and squeezed it gently, rubbing his thumb on his knuckles.
“I love you too.”
They stayed silent for a beat, just taking in the moment, what it meant, then Shane said,
“Let’s do something before dinner! I have like, all this tension that I need to release.”
“Oh, I think I know how you can release your tension…”, Ilya was smirking now, back to his cheeky self.
“Do you only have sex on your mind?!”
“Do you not????”
“Well, yeah, but also... no?” It’s not that he didn’t want to have sex with Ilya, of course he wanted to have sex with him! There was nothing that made him feel more alive, more desired, and also more confident than the intimacy that they had. But for the longest time, sex had been the only way they would “communicate” with each other, and, not that he was complaining, but for years he had also dreamed of days where they would just spend their time together talking, taking walks or doing any of the trivial things every other couple would do.
“I don’t know if I should be offended…”, Ilya said with a serious tone.
“What an idiot. Let’s do something fun, like, I don’t know, a little hike? I could show you some cool places, and maybe on the way back we could pick up some more wood for the firepit…”
“Wow.”
“What?”
“You are choosing a hike and picking up wood over sex, now I’m definitely offended!” Ilya was pouting now.
“You truly are an asshole! You know what, forget it, let’s just-”
“Noooo Hollander, it was joke! Let’s do a hike, let’s pick up the wood, let’s do whatever you wanna do”.
“…You won’t say it’s boring then?? That I’m boring?”, Shane was now side eyeing him, a bit suspicious.
“You are always boring… but that’s why I love you”, Ilya said winking at him.
God he hated him. This stupid, gorgeous, asshole of a Russian truly was the love of his life.
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They got back to the cottage in a completely different mood from when they had left.
When he had started the car, a couple of hours earlier, Shane had done so with a heavy heart, the thought of having disappointed his parents building up a dreadful sense of guilt in his stomach. He had felt like a liar, like a fraud, like he had denied his true self to his parents for years. And he had also felt sorry for Ilya, suddenly dragged in his family drama as if he already didn’t have his own issues to think about.
But then everything turned out ok – no not okay, everything turned out great! – with his parents embracing his sexuality, and embracing Ilya, as if they hadn’t spent the last ten years shouting profanities at the TV every time a Raiders’ game was on!
And now they were back at the cottage, where what was left of their two weeks break would not feel like a secret hideout anymore, at least not from his parents.
“So, I was thinking”, Shane said while they were getting out of the car, “my parents won’t be here until six, so we have plenty of time to go to a small waterfall nearby, hang out a bit, and then come back to start setting up for dinner. What do you think?”
“Da, okay, as long as I can have you all for myself after dinner. Don’t even think about saying you are tired!”, Ilya was grinning like an idiot, his gaze so intense that Shane had to look away, otherwise his body would have a reaction that would prove to Ilya that maybe – maybe – what he had in mind for the afternoon’s activities was actually the better idea.
“Yeah yeah, don’t worry, after dinner you won’t even know what hit you”. He could be cheeky too sometimes.
Ilya’s jaw dropped. He loved bold Shane, and part of him always teasing him was to bring out that side he always so carefully kept hidden.
“Don’t make me horny Hollander, we have boy scout’s things to do!”
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“Where’s your backpack?!”
When they got inside the cottage, Shane told Ilya to get changed, if he wanted to, and to prepare a small backpack with a few essentials for the hike. Water, a sweatshirt, maybe some snacks… just the normal stuff you would usually bring when wandering around in the nature.
Of course, in HIS backpack there would also be a flashlight, some band aids, tissues and a Swiss Army knife his granpa got him for Christmas when he was sixteen. But that was another story.
Now he was looking at Ilya, who was standing in the doorway the exact same as when he got out of the car ten minutes earlier, except for a hoodie tied around his waist.
“You have backpack!”, Ilya seemed actually surprised by that question.
“I have MY backpack! We’re supposed to each have our own backpack. What if something happens, we get divided, or maybe I forgot som-”
“Hollander”, Ilya interrupted him, “this is not the Amazon forest, it’s Canadian woods! We are going to take a small walk and then come back, nothing’s gonna happen!”.
Shane was pouting now.
He had actually been a boy scout, even if only for a very short time – before hockey took over and completely monopolized his life – and so he had not forgotten one of the first rules to follow when going out in the wilderness, which was to always be prepared, both with supplies and the knowledge of the area.
So, of course he was prepared. And, of course, Ilya was not.
But was it really a surprise, knowing him?! Probably not, he recognized, but he still had expected a bit more effort from him. So, he was going to give him a hard time about it.
“Fine, but don’t ask me for a snack then.”
“I won’t”.
“Not even for water!”
“If I’m thirsty, I will just drink from the waterfall, what’s the problem?”, he was looking at him with the most innocent expression. Shane was flabbergasted. His lack of experience was worse than he thought.
“Ilya, you can’t just drink water from a waterfall. Or a river or whatever! You don’t know what kind of bacteria is in there, you should at least boil it first, if not also filter it-”, he stopped because Ilya was now holding his laugh, hand on his mouth and eyes wide, like a child who had just said the most insane lie to an adult who had fallen for it.
“Oh my God! You are such an asshole, I can’t believe it!”, but deep down, Shane was amused and frankly even relieved to realize that Ilya wasn’t so reckless as he thought he was.
Ilya hugged him tenderly and whispered into his ear “It’s so easy with you, I can’t help it”. He gently nudged his forehead, as they used to do, and then he sprinted away.
“I’ll race you to the waterfall!”, and gone he was.
Shane took three seconds to regain himself, and then he sprinted right after him.
“You don’t even know where the waterfall is, you idiot!”
---------------------------------------
“Wow. I hate to admit but you were right, Hollander, this place is really cool”.
After walking through the woods for about thirty minutes, they finally reached the waterfall.
The water spilled from a rock face that wasn’t too high – three meters tops – into a small pool surrounded by large rocks covered in a thin layer of green moss. The vegetation was very dense, with ferns, wild plants and trees surrounding the pool with their green foliage, almost like a frame. The little light that filtered through the leaves created beams that reflected on the water like spotlights illuminating the stage in a theater.
The air felt cool and damp, carrying a soft scent of earth and leaves, and the steady murmur of the falling water, blending with distant birdsong, created a peaceful and enchanted atmosphere.
“See? What did I tell you”, Shane was proudly grinning now.
His dad first took him to this place when he was around eight years old and going through his “fantasy books” phase. He remembered spending most of their time there going around looking for fairies and leprechauns, and crying all the way back to his parents’ cottage because he had found none.
Ilya would find it hilarious. Maybe he wouldn’t share it with him just yet.
“Yeah, yeah, you did good”, he gave Shane a little shove with his elbow as he passed him, going straight to the edge of the pool. He took his phone out and started taking pictures of the waterfall, of the trees… then he suddenly turned and snapped one of Shane, who tried too late to cover his face.
“Hey come on! What are you going to do with that?”
“Mmm, I don’t know. I think I’m gonna post it on Instagram with caption “hiking around with my boyfriend, exceptional tour guide and even more exceptional kisser!”, what do you think?”
Shane just stared at him blankly, which got Ilya a little worried.
“Hollander is just a joke, of course I won’t post it, don’t worry”.
“I know that”, Shane lowered his eyes, a hint of sadness in his voice, “I kinda wish you could though”.
Ilya wasn’t expecting that. Wasn’t expecting that at all. He quickly took the few steps that separated them, and he hugged him. Then, he gently detached from him and, as he often did, he lifted his chin to force Shane to look him in the eyes, and said,
“Hey, it’s ok. I’ll just keep it for now, just for me, so I can look at my beautiful boyfriend whenever I want, da? Who cares about stupid Instagram!”
“Yeah, I know but-”
“No, no, listen. Today was one of the happiest days of my life, so we don’t get sad today. We are in beautiful place, your parents will cook amazing dinner, and we still have more than a week together. Can we pretend for a little bit more that everything is just fine and there are no problems? Please?”
Ilya’s eyes were so soft, he truly was the most caring soul. God, he wished everybody could know this side of him.
“Ok”, he sighed, “for the next few days no problems and no sadness”.
“Yes, that’s the spirit! Now”, Ilya clasped his hands enthusiastically, eyes sparkling like a child, “let’s explore this place! Who knows, we might even find some fairies!”, and off he went, starting to climb some of those big rocks surrounding the pool.
Shane’s eyes widened.
WHAT?!?!?!!?
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They spent the time climbing the large rocks, exploring around the pool and, much to Shane’s disdain, dipping their feet into the water and splashing each other in an impromptu water war started by Ilya, of course.
Now Shane was emphatically wringing the hem of his shirt, muttering to himself about how childish Ilya had been, while said “child” was shaking his head like a dog who had just gotten out of a puddle.
He really looked like a freaking labrador. Damn he was so cute. But still, what a child.
“We should go now, I’d like to set everything up before my parents arrive. And we also need to take a shower, or at least get changed, because someone thought it was funny to go around splashing people…”, Shane said looking at him with a stern expression.
“Aaaah come on Hollander! It was fun no? You laughed, I saw you laughing!”
“Well yeah, but that was before you almost made me fall into the water!!! With my backpack!!!”
Ilya scoffed.
“You are so dramatic, is just a little water”, but they were actually pretty soaked, especially Ilya, who, at one point, had almost plunged into the pool.
“Ok well, don’t complain to me when you get a cold”.
“It’s summer! There is no such thing as colds in summer!”, now Ilya was standing in front of him, hands on his hips like he knew what he was talking about.
“Let’s hope so, because I’m not gonna play nurse”, he gave him a quick peck on the cheek, he winked, and then he sprinted off, taking Ilya totally by surprise.
“I’ll race you to the cottage!”, he shouted while already a few meters ahead.
Maybe he was, as well, a bit of a child at heart.
----------------------------------------------------
Back at the cottage – Ilya had managed to win the race, running like his life depended on it – they quickly changed their clothes, even though they had basically dried out, opting to shower after dinner.
Shane got started on some salad, while Ilya was setting the table.
Everything felt so rightly domestic, so natural, that Shane couldn’t help but smile at this gorgeous man standing in his cottage, looking so serious while deciding whether to put the cutlery on the right or on the left of the plate.
“You know it’s just a casual dinner, right?”, Shane said, “you can set the table however you like, nobody’s gonna notice”.
“You are trying to tell me that Yuna Hollander doesn’t have a specific way she likes her table set?”, Ilya responded raising an eyebrow, the forks still in his hand.
“Well…ok yes, she might have. But do you really think that that’s what she’s gonna focus on tonight?!”
“What is she gonna focus on?”
“Oh, I don’t know, probably her son playing household with a guy she thought he hated, after founding out that he is gay, that they have been fucking since they were eighteen and that they actually love each other?!?!”
“I don’t think we were eighteen the first time we fucked”. Ilya said scrunching his brow, as if he was seriously thinking about it.
“You are missing the point”.
Ilya sighed, “Am I?”. Then he smiled.
“Wait”, now Shane was confused, “were you trying to distract me? Do you think I’m nervous about tonight?”
“Are you not?”
Ilya looked worried.
Only now did Shane realize that Ilya had been clowning around all afternoon, trying to distract him from what had happened with his parents, from the reality of their relationship that was now setting in, with all the difficulties that they would have to face.
Even if he was the one willing to change teams, to change cities, willing to never return to his country, the one who couldn’t count on anyone’s support, Ilya was still only worrying about him.
He never thought that anyone other than his parents could ever love him this much.
He felt a little guilty, though, because he had assumed that the relief he’d felt after the chat with his parents had also been felt by Ilya. And surely that was partly true, but now he was wondering if he, too, didn’t need reassurance. If he, too, didn’t need a mother to comfort him, to tell him everything was going to be okay, that she’d love him unconditionally and no matter what.
He felt so sorry that Ilya couldn’t have that, but maybe now he could be the one to provide that comfort.
He dropped the salad he was chopping on the counter and approached Ilya, who was still looking at him forks in his hands. He gently took them from him, set them on the table, and then he said,
“I’m not nervous about tonight. You don’t need to worry about me, I’m fine. I know I seemed a little overwhelmed earlier, and to be honest I was. It all happened so fast that I felt like everything was slipping out of my control… coming out to my parents, telling them about you… and then all these talks about our future, what we should do, when we should do it… it was a bit too much. But I took a breather, I got out of my head, and I feel so relieved now! And I’m so happy that I get to share you with my parents, that they’ll get to know the person that I love… I’m so happy Ilya. I hope you are too.”
Ilya hugged him. He had teary eyes.
“I am. The happiest I have ever been”.
“Okay. But if you ever feel stressed, or nervous about anything… don’t keep it to yourself. You can lean on me, you don’t have to protect me. Any burden that you might feel, I want you to know that you can share it with me. I am your person, alright?”
Ilya didn’t think he had “a person”, at least not anymore.
Since his mother had died, he had learned to handle everything by himself. If he was upset, he would deal with it. If he was sick, he would deal with it. If he was injured, he would deal with it. End of story. Of course, there was Svetlana. He truly considered her his best friend, and he knew he could count on her for whatever. But the thing about being denied care and affection from such a young age was that it made you forget what being cared for felt like, to the point where you just didn’t seek that kind of comfort anymore.
So, it wasn’t immediate for him to comprehend that now he was allowed to show his most vulnerable side because someone – the man standing in front of him – would take care of it.
“Thank you. Ya tebya lyublyu.”
“I love you too”.
They stayed like that, tight in an embrace, until the sound of a car horn made them jump.
“Shit! They’re here!”, Shane was now fully back in Shane’s mode. “The salad!”, he quickly went back to the counter to resume his chopping when he suddenly stopped and looked at Ilya wide eyed:
“The wood! For the firepit!”
“Oh yeah, we didn’t pick it up”, Ilya had now completely given up on setting the table and was just leaning on a chair with his arms crossed.
The doorbell rang.
“It’s open, we’re coming in!”, Yuna’s voice sounded clear from behind the door, “are you decent??”
Shane rolled his eyes.
“Of course we’re decent mom! Come in!”, then he looked at Ilya, who was enjoying Shane’s embarrassment a little too much, “I think I still have some chopped wood outside, in the back, just beside the shed. Could you go check? I’ll come out in a bit to help you start the fire.”
“Da okay – Hi Mrs. Hollander!”, Ilya waved at Yuna who was now barging through the kitchen with her hands full of tupperwares.
He walked out through the same French window through which he and Shane had been caught making out by David Hollander just a few hours earlier. In fact, not even a full day had passed since their lives had radically changed. For years, it had been just him and Shane, safe in their little bubble, with their secret meetings and their secret conversations. But now, two more people had entered that little bubble, perhaps the most important ones, and Ilya couldn’t help but smile at the thought that from now on, things would only get better.
He made his way to the back of the cottage, only now realizing that he hadn’t even seen the whole house since he’d been there. Too busy, he smirked to himself.
As Shane had told him, there was a little shed that looked just as nice as the whole cottage, and that no doubt was fully equipped with all kinds of garden tools and hardware you could think of, probably organized in alphabetical order. And next to the shed there was a neatly stacked pile of wood. “I still have SOME chopped wood my ass”, Ilya thought. There was enough to burn in the fire pit for at least two weeks! Damn Hollander and his unnecessary need to always be overly prepared.
He stared at the woodpile and thought to himself that he could easily carry at least four pieces, if not five. It was a pretty tall pile though, so he reckoned that the better option would be to start by taking the ones that were on top, to avoid the whole thing collapsing and Shane having a panic attack about it.
He tried reaching up with his hand, but despite his height he could barely touch the logs that were high up the pile. He looked around for a stool or a stepladder but couldn’t find one, so he simply decided to use the base of the pile as a step, in order to gain those few inches that he needed to grab the wood.
He took one piece, then another, climbing up and down each time.
He was reaching for the last one when suddenly, he felt something brush against his calf. He instinctively shook his leg, only to feel a sharp sensation on his skin, like a small pinch or prick. The surprise made him lose his balance, and he clumsily fell backwards on his ass, bringing down with him the piece of wood that in the meantime he had almost managed to grab, which missed his head by an inch.
He let out a small involuntary yelp that he really hoped Shane wouldn’t hear.
“Ilya?!?! What happened???”, Shane shouted from inside the house, his voice frantic.
Not so lucky, of course.
“Nothing, I’m fine!”, he actually was. Just a little embarrassed, and really grateful that nobody had witnessed his fall.
Apparently, Shane didn’t believe him, because after three seconds he was running towards him, followed by a more collected David, who Ilya hadn’t greeted yet.
“Hi Mr. Hollander”, he said sheepishly, still sitting on the ground.
“Hi Ilya, are you alright?!”
After quickly assessing him, Shane seemed convinced he was okay, so he reached for his hand to help him get on his feet.
“Yeah yeah, it’s okay, just had a little problem with Shane’s perfectly stacked woodpile”, he winked at Shane, who still looked a bit concerned.
“Are you sure you’re ok?”. Shane was so cute when he was worried.
“Of course I am! Come on, help me take these to the firepit so we can get this party started!”
They each took one piece of wood – Shane took two, just because – and they made their way back to the patio.
As soon as he took his first steps, Ilya noticed that the sharp sensation that he had felt a few minutes earlier on his calf hadn’t gone away, and had, in fact, turned into a dull throb, and glancing at his leg he could now see the skin beginning to redden, as well as a bit of swelling.
For a moment, something in his gut twisted, and he thought that maybe he should be concerned about it. But that thought only lasted for a few seconds, and when Shane called him, he decided that he wasn’t going to worry about it.
After all, that’s what they had said: for the next few days, no problems, no sadness.