Work Text:
Marley doesn't have work tomorrow. The thought went through her mind as she stared out the frozen window, icicles dangling from the gutters overhead. In the wispy moonlight they seemed to twinkle and shine far brighter than the real stars above, far above. Her eyebrow twitched as she reread the paper she’d been writing on, over and over again.
Dear Aunt Keisha,
I'm very sorry to have left you like this. I know you were already suffering with Nana’s departure and my leaving has complicated things. I’m very sorry for this and hope you can forgive me. Enclosed in this envelope is money for the funeral proceedings and house affairs for the next month, I’m trusting in you that it will be used accordingly. If there are leftovers please distribute them amongst your children and buy them something nice please, like a new bike or ice-cream. Please tell them it's from me. I’d also like to apologize for the state of things when I left, I know my room wasn't what you were expecting. Please know that I was only trying to live my life the only way I knew how, do not blame Nana or yourself for my actions. I ask you to not tell anyone in the family or anyone in town. I loved you very much and hope we can still be family after this. That is all, and thank you. Don't bury me in a suit plea-
Marley put down the pencil as she sucked in a harsh breath through her teeth and erased the last sentence, eraser shreds falling to the ground off the kitchen table. Outside it was snowing, the light flakes fluffing against the window.
She stared at the paper for a long second before crushing it in her fists. Marley tossed it onto the floor where it joined its sisters, a growing pile under the table. Her ankles were bony and pale; her toenails brittle and ridged.
The night rolled on as she sat by the window, watching the snow fall down from the sky and writing and rewriting and erasing. Her hands were empty where a warm drink would've been settled, fingers cold and clammy as she wrung them over and over again. Putting the pencil down for the thousandth time, Marley picked at a hangnail that’d already been torn at till it bled. She didn't notice the sting as red met air.
Dear Aunt Keisha,
I’m sorry for leaving this on you like this. I know you're busy with the kids and work, but I don't-
The pencil taps against the table as she thinks. She raises it to scratch at her messy, dark curls.
I don't have anyone else to leave this with. Please take the money and ensure my proper burial. You can have anything in the house, money, my belongings, jewelry-
The jewelry. Her things. How will she explain it? Dear Aunt Keisha doesn't know, nobody knows. She couldn't tell them, had nobody to tell. It was just her in this house anyway. She started again.
Please forgive me for what I’ve done. I saw no other way, but maybe now things will be alright in the world. I’ve saved money for this, so you can have anything you want from the house too if you make sure I’m buried beside my parents like I've wanted-
Marley took a shuddering breath as she clenched the pencil in her fist. What a selfish person she was, thinking of sentimentals over practicality. Crumpled. Start again.
Dear Aunt Keisha,
I know you've never liked me, but we both know someone has to take care of these things. Enclosed in this envelope is money for a cremation, the rest is yours and the kids. I ask that you don't question my room or state of my-
She paused, teeth chattering, then resumed.
-state of my body. My life was my own, mine to do what I wanted with it, not yours or anyone elses.
Right, yell at her. That’ll really convince her. Marley was running out of paper, but she started anew anyways. Her baggy eyes glanced at the window, the snow was really coming down now, but she remained seated.
Dear Aunt Keisha,
I’m so sorry for leaving you and the kids like this, but I feel as if it was just my time. With Nana gone, everything has felt far away. I just can’t do it anymore. I try so hard but nothing ever works out how I want it. I think I'm a bad person, I’ve done something awful to deserve this. Something terrible. How can I be better? How-
Her head collided with the table with a heavy “thunk”. Marley groaned and rubbed her eyes, bringing her hands to rest on her eyelids. She resumes.
Dear Aunt Keisha,
She began again, tapping her pencil on the cheap wood.
I’m so very sorry to leave you like this, but I felt like I had no choice.
The woman erased back to the comma.
-but I needed to.
Back to the comma.
-but I had to.
Back again, the sound of the eraser squeaking on the paper.
-but I wanted to.
Her hand trembled as her eyes stared at the words, pupil small and shaky. She wishes she were a better writer. She wishes she were dead.
The kitchen was cold, she hadn't gotten the heat turned on yet. A single light above the stove illuminated the room, though it flickered every few seconds. The hum of it filled Marley’s ears till she could hear it in her jaw. A particular droning that went on and on. She wished she was hearing cicadas instead, that the summer would sweep her away with busy afternoons shoveling popcorn for kids and printing tickets for lovesick teens.
But summer was a long ways away, and Marley doesn't have work tomorrow.
The woman felt a wetness on her nail where she’d been picking, blood flow. But made no effort to tend to it. She wiped it off on her pajama shorts, the red staining the blue cotton. Her shirt was blue as well, they were a matching set afterall. A Christmas gift from her Nana, who’d said that, “ Every man needs a comfy set’a pjs” as she handed her the ribboned box, so long ago.
What was Marley’s favorite color? Was it blue, or red again? She couldn't remember, but she did remember smiling and hugging her Nana that day. She remembered warm turkey, cookie tins, and matching pajama sets. Teetering just on the line of “too old” for getting presents and sneaking a bite from the stale gingerbread house on top of the fridge.
With Nana gone that all blew away, far away down the chimney, into the fire. Marley didn't know how to start a fire with logs like that, didn't know how to plan parties, or take Christmas photos, or be happy. It didn't matter, she doesn't have work tomorrow.
She glanced up from the paper to look out the cold window. Outside she could just barely make out tall pine trees, motionless in the cool night.
When she was nine, Nana took her outside to plant a sweet gum tree. In the middle of the field, it was to be the center piece of the yard. She remembers heaving a shovel over her shoulder and following after Nana’s big steps from the shed.
It was just a baby then, a “little gumball” as she called it. But they brought it to the hole they’d dug and carefully covered it in soil, her Nana’s hands over her own as they scooped dirt. The woman attached it to a stake with thin rope, “training wheels”.
Marley watched in awe as they got this little being ready for life.
But it wasn't to last. Root rot struck, and strange fungus grew around its base and took its life away, bit by bit. Her Nana let her cry in the house as she dug it up outside, each jab into the soil a jab into her little heart.
The next one grew fine, reaching higher and higher towards the sky till gumballs fell from it like snow. There were piles of them, but the fresh green ones could be used for a tea that Nana would make for reasons she couldn't remember anymore. Not sure if it really did anything, and it tasted bad too. But it made her Nana happy.
Marley hadn't had dinner yet, nor breakfast for that matter. Though she’d been nursing a piece of gum all day, mint flavored. Her Nana used to carry these little containers of cinnamon gum around, always offering it to people and laughing when their faces scrunched up, but Marley loved them. Loved the warm, tingly taste, loved the red tint, and loved her.
The gum had long lost its flavor, but she kept chewing anyway. Marley hadn't brushed her teeth that morning, nor night either. Maybe she was hoping it’d make her feel clean, minty clean like the commercials. Where everybody smiled and laughed around a kitchen table together, a dog running underfoot and cheery music overlaid. Feeling nice like how they only do on the TV. Not in the real world, not for her.
But none of that really mattered. The gum didn't matter, the heat not being on didn't matter. Marley's half-lidded eyes slid from the paper to the hallway, down the hallway, to her Nana’s room.
Grabbing the finished paper, she sat up and started across the kitchen, down the hallway, to her Nana’s room. Shadowy pictures from lake trips, holidays, and birthdays lined the walls, she ghosted a hand across one as she passed.
A picture of Marley and her Aunt Keisha at the beach, walking side by side with their boogie-boards under one arm and the twins under the other.. Couldn't leave them for a second on that beach, next thing you know they're harassing birds and getting caught in riptides. It'd been a long day, but they still had enough energy to carry Lacey and Lana back to the rented house. Nana had snapped the picture from the balcony on their last day there. That was a long time ago.
The hinges creaked as Marley opened the door. The ceiling fan whirred quietly as she entered the floral themed room. Flowers on the wallpaper, stitched on the pillows, and even a painting of a Lotus blooming hung over the pink bed. The soft, floral patterned quilts and bed sheets had long lost their scent of peaches and detergent. But everything was in its place, right where it should be.
It didn't matter what she thought about the upholstery. Or the flowers. Or her Nana. Marley didn't have work tomorrow, and as her eyes glazed over the pill bottle laid out on the nightstand her breathing hitched, a quiet noise that she grasped tightly and shoved down, far below.
She swallowed harshly and felt nails dig into her palms. Opening the nightstand, she took out a neat envelope and set in on the foot of the bed, sitting down beside it. She folded the paper she’d been writing on and slid it into the envelope, not bothering to close it.
Marley let her head fall down as she sat, and as she stared at the old carpet she suddenly realized she wouldn't have to tear it up anymore. Or go to work tomorrow. Or do anything-
She sucked in a breath through her teeth and wrung her hands together. As she sat her leg began bouncing, teeth chattered, breaths grew harsh as she tried working up the nerve to reach for the bottle, just open it.
Marley doesn't have work tomorrow.
The woman snatched up the pill bottle, hand shaking. She rolled it in her hands, turning it this way and that as she read the bottle for the thousandth time. The dose doesn't matter anymore, not with her taking the whole thing.
Her finger was still bleeding, the tear going from the side of her nail to the cuticle. Now that she looked at her hands around the bottle, she realized just how many scabs and scrapes covered her dark hands. No wonder she got moved from the counter to cleaning the theater, she was disgusting to see. Just disgusting. But it didn't matter anymore what they thought, they could get someone else to scrape gum off the bottom of chairs and sweep popcorn. Someone else could deal with Nana’s estate, her things and the house. Her aunt would be overjoyed to have it, and Lacey and Lana could run around the big yard to their hearts content.
Someone else could read Destiny’s scripts, someone else could not respond to their texts, ignore them for months to make it easier. It was supposed to be easier-
A lump had formed in her throat as she clutched the bottle tightly. She bared her teeth and tried to just push it down, let it fall away into the fire and burn up. Burn up and away as ash.
But it climbed its way up her throat anyway. Fists clenching, her whole body shook as tears escaped her eyes. Marley let out a startled laugh and clasped her cold hands over her mouth, hunching over to curl in on herself as the bottle fell to the floor.
Sobs rung out from the woman as every flower in the room seemed to wilt and cower away from her. The pink blankets turned brown and the lotus lost its petals, one by one, each turning to dust as it hit the plush carpet. The house was ripped away and nothing but a sad, blue foundation was left.
Marley cried. She wanted her Nana, wanted someone there, anyone. Just wanted to be alone forever and hugged tight and dead.
Her hands moved to her hair and she pulled harshly at the brown locks, feeling a sharp shock though her temple and down her spine. Marley forced herself to sit up straight. Her eyes still stung and her nose was stuffed now. She sniffed and wiped at her face, lip trembling but slowly going still.
And then she heard it, a light scratching at the door. Silence, then a long, questioning, “Meoooow?” as little paws paced behind the door.
Blinking harshly, she wiped her face before quickly standing up. Marley had completely forgotten to feed Hamroll, poor thing must be starving.
As she turned to open it she saw a single paw outstretched under the door, batting at her foot. Marley huffed out a laugh, brown eyes crinkling. She opened the door to a delighted chirp. There sat the mostly brown calico cat, tail swishing behind him.
She last remembered him sleeping in the living room, but all the noise she’d been making must've woken him. Or maybe his stomach. Either way he was awake now and hungry, so it was Marley’s duty as his…roommate? Mom? To feed him.
Scooped up by Marley, he perched his little paws on her shoulder as they walked through down the hallway to the kitchen. There were no pictures of animals in the hallway, her Nana had been allergic to most of them. Hopefully she doesn't mind the new addition to the household too much, as Hamroll isn't going anywhere. Marley had tried, but he seemed to greatly prefer the great indoors. Plus she’d read this article Destiny had sent to her, something about outdoor cats decimating bird populations? It made her feel guilty, so she stopped trying.
As Marley sat Hamroll down on the kitchen tiles, she realized she couldn't remember the last time she’d spoken to the other woman. Be it text or call, she just wasn't the best at keeping in contact. Destiny’s new job as a bookkeeper made her frequent visits to the theater come to a halt, and with Marley's truck on the decline she just couldn't make the trip across town anymore.
Everything just kind of snowballed from there. And what about Willow? They’d moved in with Destiny and worked in construction, last Marley remembered. It’d been so long since all three of them hung out, now that she thought about it.
Oftentimes, it was hard to think. Hard to remember she had friends and a job and Hamroll, who was batting at her feet again. Marley shook her head and got to pouring him a scoop of food into his bowl. The cat quickly ran over to the metal bowl, chirping between mouthfuls. She laughed as she listened to him, he was eating like he was starving. The smile slipped off her face. Like he was starving… It hadn't been more than a day, right? Looking at his water bowl she saw it was bone dry. She filled it up, spilling some water on her shirt in her haste.
Turning quickly, she looked at the calendar on the fridge. In the dim light the days were barely visible, but she clearly saw the move-in date. Circled in bright red, three days ago. She didn't remember crossing the days out, but at some point she must've. She’d been in this house for not even a week and things were getting bad again.
She thought the move was the start of something new. No more roommates, no more stairs up the apartment, no more small room with crap everywhere. Her Nana’s house was amazing, her own bathroom and bedroom, real wallpaper, and no mortgage. She didn't deserve it, she didn't know why her Nana had left it to her and not her actual children. And she knew they were pissed about it, especially her Aunt.
Hamroll licked the bowl clean and moved to rub against her leg, purring all the while. Marley crouched down and did little tappy taps on his head, just the way he liked it. As she watched him, tears sprung into her eyes and she bit back a sniffle.
“I’m sorry bud, I’ll do better by you. I swear.”
Taking a shuddering breath, she stood up and grabbed her phone from the kitchen table. Resolving herself, she brought up her messages from Destiny. Several unread messages popped up on her screen. Ranging from random pictures of trees and flowers she’d taken to little anecdotes about her day, they all made Marley’s chest ache.
“And I’ll do better by you too” She thought as she typed.
“do you wanna grab lunch tomorrow at lauras place?” she typed.
She put the phone down and startled as it almost immediately buzzed in response. Her text tone sang out,
Loving you is like a hurricane
Oh oh oh
I bunker down but it always rains
Oh oh oh
When had she taken her phone off silent mode? She couldn't remember. Marley looked at the screen and read,
“Yeah totally, I love that place! What’re you doing up rn tho lol”
Marley thought for a moment before lying, “Couldnt sleep, what about you?”
Destiny replied, “Stayed up super late for work and now I’m still amped up lol, working on a new quilting pattern rn”
“Sick” She nodded while typing.
Marley looked from her phone to her feet to see Hamroll laying on his back, paws sprawled in the air. Smiling, she took a photo and sent it to Destiny.
“So cute! Whend you get a cat?? A calico too!
A moment passed before, “Where are you btw”
Marley stopped, a frown working its way onto her face. She never told them she was moving, did she? God, she was such a bad friend. She replied to her friend anyway.
“How bout we takl tomorrow about it, kinda tired tbh”
“For sure I’ll see you then. And get some sleep lol! <3”
“I will, goodnight”
“Night!🌠”
Putting her phone down, she realized that her hands were shaking. Heartbeats quickly thumped in her head as she realized she’d have to leave the house for something other than work or groceries for the first time since she’d moved. It’d been a long three days, most of which, to her growing horror, she couldn't seem to recall.
Marley reached down to pet Hamroll, who purred and thumped his head against her palm. How unlucky he was, to end up with an owner like her… He deserved someone who remembered to feed him, brushed him more, and cleaned his litterbox more often. Someone better, someone definitively not Marley.
But as she petted along his back, looking into his one eye, she thought about where he’d be if not for her. Alone, under the porch with no food or water. No toys, no petting. Once he’d gotten a taste of the indoors, he’d refused to go back outside. Marley had only let him in that same day she’d moved in, but he must've been a furnace for how quickly he warmed up to her.
Marley noticed how her breathing flattened out, how her hands became normal again as she thought about this little animal, this little Hamroll. He’d gotten his name from the leftover she’d given him that night she’d moved in. Although there’d been ham and green beans on the plate, he’d gone straight for the buttery roll. Then, he’d eaten so vigorously he’d gotten ham on his head. She breathed out a laugh as she recalled how he’d batted at his own face, trying to knock it off.
The woman suddenly felt an overwhelming fatigue, a tiredness that she felt in her bones, dragging her down. She rubbed her eyes and noticed the time on the kitchen clock, 3:09 AM. She guessed she did have work tomorrow afterall.
She startled as a series of scratching and a “thump” from below sent Hamroll running and her looking at the ground questioningly. It sounded like when the cat scratched at the door and threw his body against it, trying to get it to open. Breathing out, she shook her head and resolved to check under the house tomorrow. Probably just a racoon or squirrel.
First work, then a shower, then lunch with Destiny, and finally playing exterminator. Though as she looked herself up and down, with her unwashed hair and blood stained shorts, she moved showering to the first on the list.
How do you even get animals out of crawlspaces? Destiny knew about animals, maybe she’d know. Though maybe that wasn't the best topic considering she liked animals, not getting rid of them. Hmm.
Hamroll peaked back into the room as the noises disappeared, sniffing along the floor and following a pattern Marley couldn't make heads or tails of. He stopped at the sink, pawing at the cabinet door before she shooed him off, not wanting him to scratch the wood.
Just out of curiosity, she opened the door. Both of them poked their heads inside but only saw kitchen cleaners and paper towels. She hummed and closed the door, picking up Hamroll as she shuffled away
The living room was much like the rest of the house, pink, floral, and old. Boxes were still strewn about the room and sheets covered most of the furniture, except for the couch. The pink sofa had her blankets, box of toiletries, and embarrassingly, her old mallard Beanie Baby named Olive propped on it. Its blank, black eyes seemed to twinkle in the darkness of the room.
She placed the cat down on the couch and plopped down beside him, feeling her eyes grow heavier the longer she stayed awake. Marley thought of the forgotten letter left on her Nana’s bedside, of the bottle that’d rolled away on the floor. She sighed and threw the quilted blanket over her and Hamroll.
The woman looked at the many different squares that made up the blanket. There was one panel made of baby clothes, with baby dinosaurs and hearts around it. Another had a sports team logo with red and black. She didn't know who had made it, but she’d gotten it for 10 bucks at the thrift store so she was grateful to whoever decided to ditch it.
As she thought of quilts, lunches at Laura's Place, and strange noises under the floor, she slowly drifted off to sleep. Hamroll shifted under the blanket, circled a random spot by her side, then also started dozing. The room was soon filled with the soft of soft snores.
Unknownst to them, more shuffles and scratches sounded off from under the house. Distantly, a growl could be heard before more silence followed. And if they had really strained to listen, they might have even heard the tell-tale “honk” of a clown, scrambling below in the darkness of the crawlspace.