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The Ultimate Plot Armour

Summary:

IN SHORT: I wrote this for the sake of nostalgia, and because my roommate reminded me of it by accident. A round from the good ol’ Outlaik game Sonic.EXE The Disaster, in which I played as Shadow and honestly should not have escaped. Here, I over-narrate and add thoughts and dialogue between people’s minimal chatting. Also, whenever someone does a friendly jump, I translate it into waving. Any dialogue that didn’t take place in chat is in ‘ ’, whereas chat is shown as “ ”.

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Three hundred seconds. A short amount of time, if one isn’t being stalked by an immortal demon during those seconds.

As the grayscale environment of You Can’t Run appears, I glance around, looking for anyone else. Amy and Cream are in the distance, so I skate over to them, mindful of the buzzsaws’ erratic movements. The haunting laugh of what used to be Sonic echoes in my ears. He’s on the hunt.

Amy stands ready with her hammer, and Cream waves at me. “Have you seen Small yet?” She asks, ringing her hands together.

Small. That’s what Knuckles dubbed the demon, after seeing the other one, and the name stuck.

‘No. But he’s close. I can hear his footsteps,’ I mutter, and then louder, I add, “Run, Cream!”

As the rabbit obeys, Amy and I turn towards the grinning mutilation of my rival charging headfirst at us. I Boost straight onto his head—nice aim, if I say so myself—before falling back a little. Sonic.EXE is stunned for the few seconds Amy and I run for, away from Cream to avoid leading him to her, before it lunges at us again. Amy manages to Hammerspin the attack, but while she continues to rotate in her limited mobility, Small charges a Spindash.

I pivot, but am too late. Amy comes out of her Hammerspin just as Sonic.EXE collides with her. 15 Damage. 30. 45. It goes for me next, but runs out of Spindash, and I Homingattack it. Amy is already running, and I understand that, so I start juking the demon. It’s incredible how running in circles with the occasional jump can confuse the illiterate.

“Stop jumping!” EXE complains, swiping at me again. This time the blow connects, and I hiss as my health goes down to 55. A green sparkling aura surrounds me as I use my temporary speedboost to run. ‘Cream, I told you to RUN!’

The child doesn’t respond, but EXE has already found her—huddled around the corner, immobilized by her Overheal. The demon tries to attack, but Knuckles jumps down in front and tanks the hit.

It’s only been 40 seconds.

“Cream you idiot you’re not a front court,” Knuckles snaps as he uses a Punch to stun Small, letting the rabbit Speedboost away.

Sonic vanishes, to my exasperation, as three more apparitions of the demon appear. Four Sonic.EXEs attack, two at me, two at Knuckles, as Cream’s distant and belated reply catches my attention. “My job is to keep people alive I must do my job.”

“Gurk!” Knuckles’ health goes down to ten as Small lands a hit, and we both attack at the one that struck as the others vanish—Knuckles using his Block to fend off another strike, and I Homingattacking the stunned killer.

Amy’s been gone a long time, so I quickly check my view of everyone’s health on a scanner attached to my wrist. Amy’s health is down to 45. She must have hit a buzzsaw.

Knuckles wisely runs, but while I’m distracted, Sonic uses another Spindash and hits Knuckles. My pupils shrink as I watch the echidna hit the ground, too much blood pooling too fast. I Boost over to Knuckles, Reviving him and stunning Sonic.EXE. Knuckles runs again as I begin sprinting in the opposite direction. The bait works, and Small chases me. I use my Homingattack and fire in the direction I’m already headed, putting more distance between me and the demon.

A loud, irritated screech sounds from behind me as Sonic is met in the face with a Hammerthrow, stunning it. Amy jumps down from the platform she was hiding on and collects her Hammer, Rolling to dodge Small’s attack, but it swipes her again as she stands, and she goes down.

Oh, come ON!

My fury broiling at Small, I change directions and start juking like a man possessed, focused only on getting to Amy.

My wristpiece vibrates as I Revive Amy, and a glance tells me Knuckles’ health is spiking. Cream is Overhealing him. I jerk left to dodge an attack from EXE, willing Amy to hear my silent chant of, ‘BAIL YOU SELFLESS IMBECILE! BAIL!’

Knuckles, from somewhere far away, voices my thoughts. “RUN AMY JUST RUN!”

Amy finally complies, leaving me alone to fight Sonic. Both of my abilities are on cooldown. I wish I could use my Chaos Spears. Instead, I turn and bolt. Knuckles dashes over to help me, and I instantly wince as EXE charges another Spindash.

It’s poorly charged, only dealing 5 damage and extremely slow. But Knuckles, by reflex, tries to juke it like it’s a high-speed attack. His health drops with each hit.

30. 25. 20. 15. 10.

Knuckles activates his Block, which is finally off cooldown. But the knockback effect is lethal. I can do nothing but watch as Knuckles skids directly into a buzzsaw.

0.

Heat surges through my vein, a burning white fury that boils over into black malice as I charge at the creature controlling Sonic. I don’t care that none of my abilities are ready. I’m not thinking straight. Sonic.EXE sidesteps my lunge and slashes at me. The seat of claws against flesh snaps me out of my blind rush, and I carefully juke before retreating.

“RIP Knux.” Amy says from close to my left. I jump up to the circular platform she’s on. “Or he’s a demon now.”

Sure enough, Knuckles’ possessed corpse rises and heads—in the opposite direction as us. It takes me and Amy a few seconds to figure it out as Sonic follows Knuckles: Cream Overhealed Knuckles. Knuckles knows where Cream is hiding.

We chase after them, but the demons are faster. Cream uses her speedboost a heartbeat too late, taking a swipe from .EXE. She’s now at 55 health. Amy runs between the girl and the monsters and uses her Hammerattack, smacking Sonic in the face, before activating her Hammerspin to push both attackers back.

My abilities are recovered, so I stand by to assist Amy if she needs it. The lights start pulsing as the timer on my wrist computer hits 80 seconds. The exit’s open now. Amy and I make a break for it, following Cream’s path. But we hear the sound of heavy footsteps drawing closer. And then Amy dies right next to me as Small lunges.

There’s nothing I can do. So I instead use my Boost to get as far away as possible, landing beside Cream, who’s a bit ahead. Her movements are jerky and reacting slow, and every now and then she’ll freeze and teleport forward a few steps. She’ll never make it to the exit like this, whatever’s going on there.

Sonic.EXE, Knuckles, and Amy appear seemingly out of nowhere, and focus on Cream. Small attacks her, and her health drains to 10, but she doesn’t get the speedboost that usually comes with taking damage. Amy.EXE hits Cream, and the girl goes Down.

I double back to Revive her, using my Boost to stun the two murderers circling her bleeding body. As Cream stands again, she uses her Speedboost, but she’s still moving slowly and jerkily, and the effect may as well not be there. Knuckles hits me as I try to watch Cream. Now I’m at 40.

Green sparkles orbit me, and I pivot to Cream in horror as Sonic, Amy, and Knuckles descend upon her like vultures. Cream must’ve come to the same conclusion as me: with her lag, she’d never make it. “Just run.” She says as my health spikes to 70. I turn away, not wanting to see as a thunderclap rings through the air.

I’m alone now.

My health is at 110, but dropping fast. I use my Homingattack to get closer to the exit, and growl as Sonic.EXE teleports straight in front of me. What I hate about You Can’t Run is that there’s no set place where a Ring might spawn for you to escape, there’s a door. So Small knows exactly where to set his Teleport point.

I juke a few of his attacks, but one hits its mark, and I yell in frustration as I get to a dangerous 15 HP. I can only juke three people for so long, and either of the minions could Down me now! I won’t die immediately, but what does it matter when there’s no one to Revive me?

Amy’s Hammer crashes into my spine, and I hit the floor, Downed.

No. I will not let it end like this.

Even as the strange letters and pictures flood my vision, showing how long each person survived and how much damage each killer dealt, I crawl. I crawl towards that door which is still open just enough for me to get through.

White light envelopes me as I drag myself past the threshold and open my eyes to find myself in Hill. I did it. I broke the game. I’m alive.

I’m out.