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Adam always had a complicated relationship with Pride.

Not the Deadly Sin of Pride, obviously. Complicated didn’t even begin to scratch the surface of that shitshow. No, it was those fucking parades that had been the cause of so much pain and, ugh, self-reflection since he’d gotten roped into them.

The first time he’d even heard about Pride was when Sera had brought him into a meeting with the rest of her council, saying that they wanted to hear from him as the first man and the first human soul in Heaven (as if they weren’t the ones who decided to bubble wrap Abel’s soul for safekeeping until Adam had ascended). And, fuck, it had been so long since any of the elders had said they actually wanted to listen to him that he basically jumped at the chance to go— not because he was desperate for their approval or some bitch baby shit like that, but because it had been, what, years since Adam had gotten the opportunity to actually talk to them? Maybe decades or even centuries, he wasn’t totally sure. It wasn’t exactly easy (or even really necessary) for him to keep track of the time when he lived in paradise, after all.

So Adam had been brought right there up in front of the angels who created him when one of them turned to Sera and asked, “Have you already ascertained what the first man has to say about celebrating this supposed ‘Pride’?”

In hindsight, Adam could tell that it was pretty fucking rude of them to ask Sera what he thought instead of just talking to him, but his immediate reaction at the time was unfortunately just to freeze like some kind of pussy and squeak out, “Pride? Like… like Lucifer—?”

“No,” Sera emphasized as she placed a hand upon his shoulder. Adam had tilted his head up to see her briefly turn away toward the angel who had originally spoken up before looking back down at him with a tight smile. “There have been many winners recently that have reached out to ask if we could throw a celebration for ‘Gay Pride.’ We hear that it’s an event to promote the rights of gay and lesbian members of the community. Are you familiar with those terms?”

Adam hadn’t kept up so much with everything his descendants were doing, but the Heavenborns he preferred to hang out with fucking loved all that human shit. He’d personally be happy never hearing about Foucault or his writings ever again, but nodding along to some pseudo-intellectual’s ramblings while they let him scribble lyrics onto a napkin was a pretty small price to pay for some sweet Throne pussy. “Yeah, like, dudes into dudes, chicks into chicks? I dig it.”

Sera pursed her lips with a hum as she removed her hand from Adam’s shoulder, and he abruptly realized he must have said something wrong although he couldn’t exactly pinpoint what. Before he could figure out how to ask if she was mad at him without sounding like a whiny bitch, she turned back to the rest of the council and said, “As I have already stated, I personally see no reason to oppose the event. Spreading joy to winners who didn’t receive that kind of support when they were alive should be reason enough to go forward with the proposal.”

“Seraphiel,” another angel responded, “I fear that you have been far too easily swayed by your younger sibling and the winners they associate with if you believe that ‘spreading joy’ is an integral part of running Heaven. Our main priority is to keep the souls under our watch safe and sound, not to throw frivolous parties to keep them overstimulated. The proposal set forth by your own sibling to make sugar readily available on every corner has already been rejected for that very reason.”

“Really?” Adam couldn’t help but chime in. “Damn, Abel was really looking forward to that.”

The elders looked to each other curiously, softly murmuring before turning back to him. “First man, are you suggesting that is a common sentiment among the winners? That Heaven could be doing more to entertain them?”

As if Adam knew shit about what other winners wanted. The only one he had any real interaction with at that point anymore, outside of the freaks who thought maybe he’d actually fuck his own descendants just because they went to his concerts, was his son Abel. All the rest of their immediate family had their own kids and grandkids and so on that they wanted to spend time with, but Abel never got the chance to have that before he died. When the elders awakened his soul in Heaven to give his newly deceased dad company, though, he seemed perfectly content living in paradise without chasing after anything more than that. Sometimes Adam wondered if Abel was gay, the way he was always so happy hanging out with the rest of his disgustingly chipper buddies.

Well, if he was, wasn’t that just all the more reason to back Sera up? “It’s Heaven. We’re supposed to be happy and want for nothing, aren’t we? I know I didn’t work my ass off just to be bored out of my mind all the fucking time.”

“That’s… cruder than I would personally put it,” Sera said with a disapproving frown before arranging her face back into a neutral expression. “But however we phrase it, there is no denying that we should be providing more support to meet the needs of all of the new souls ascending to Heaven. Humanity’s own representative agrees with me on this.”

“Humanity has a representative here?” Adam’s face scrunched up in confusion, a feeling that only deepened when the elders stared at him. The room was silent for a brief moment before it finally clicked. “Wait, are you talking about me? You’ve never consulted me for shit.”

Sera, at least, looked abashed at this. “I’m sorry, Adam. Most of the council’s meetings don’t necessarily discuss human matters. We can see about bringing you in when it would be appropriate, though, if you think you have the time.”

Adam would definitely have mixed feelings on that later on, even if he was happy to finally be included in something at the time. He suddenly had people who actually asked him for his opinions on shit instead of only listening to him when he played on stage, but he also found himself with less time to just dick around when he had to do paperwork and attend meetings.

The meetings did mean he was the one put in charge of exterminations, though, so he guessed maybe they weren’t all that bad.

Those, however, came around much later. That first Pride, he didn’t have any such responsibilities when he came home and decided to share the news.

“Isn’t that great, kiddo? We get to have a whole party just to celebrate people like you and your friends!” Adam had exclaimed, thrilled he could show Abel that he had his dear old dad’s unconditional love and all that mushy shit.

Abel, strangely, looked puzzled before his face finally cleared in understanding. “Oh, yeah. Emily mentioned something like that, I think. Did they say anything about her sugar idea?”

Shit, maybe Adam had coddled Abel too much by letting the kid live with him for so long, and his brain had finally grown mold from disuse. “Yes, Abel, I told them it sounded like a good idea. Aren’t you excited about this Gay Pride thing, though? I know you and that St. Peter boy have been pretty close, if, you know, there’s anything you wanna tell me.”

“Uh, yeah, Pete’s one of my friends.” Abel furrowed his eyebrows warily as he looked up at Adam’s grinning face. “Are you… asking if I’m dating him?”

Well, Adam hadn’t planned on being that direct, but fuck it. “You know I’d support you no matter what, right?”

“I’m not into guys, Dad,” Abel said bluntly.

“What?” Adam wasn’t sure he heard that one right. “Did you say you’re not into guys? Like, at all? ’Cause, you know, there’s lots of guys out there, and you’ve been here thousands of years. You’ve never been into any of them?”

“Have you?” Abel asked in response, and Adam’s ribcage suddenly felt too tight around his lungs.

He didn’t even stop to think as he leaned over his son and snapped, “No, and don’t you ever fucking ask me stupid shit like that again.”

“Whoa, whoa, I-I didn’t mean— uh, I mean, I’m sorry!” The words rushed out as Abel held his hands up defensively by his face.

And the image of his body, lying there in the field with raised hands, swarmed Adam’s vision.

The anger left Adam as swiftly as it had arrived, leaving something in its place that felt uncomfortably like guilt. He stumbled back away from his son, the words on his tongue tasting like ash as he said, “Shit, no, I didn’t mean to upset you, sheyfele. I’m…” His words trailed off as he struggled to figure out how to… explain himself? Apologize?

The nickname, little sheep, did the trick of startling Abel out of his panic, though, and he lowered his hands to stare at his father. Adam swallowed his nerves down as he wondered if he was supposed to just pat Abel on the shoulder and tell him, what, that it was all going to be okay? That he had just gotten a little upset thinking about all the ways he was a fucking failure as the first man? That he would never hurt Abel like—

Adam’s back had hit the edge of the doorway then, and he decided they could talk about it later as he went back to his own room and left his son behind.

Abel, fortunately, never broached the subject again, which Adam thought was a huge relief. How the fuck could he even begin to explain that the elders of Heaven had made some kind of mistake when they had molded him from the dust? He was made to be the first man, the first patriarch, so why did his thoughts sometimes drift to other men? Why had he been jealous of the wrong person when he had found his wife with the most beautiful angel he had ever seen back in the Garden of Eden?

It was total bullshit, if Adam had anything to say about it. He was literally made to fuck women, and he liked doing just that. Did his occasional moments of weakness, when he couldn’t help but want a man who’d press him face-first into a mattress, really mean anything in the grand scheme of things? No, it was just some weird glitch or whatever in his brain that he had to deal with sometimes, not even worth mentioning to the rest of the council.

Not that he would ever say other people were sick in the head or some shit like that, of course. The winners were all his descendants who made it up to Heaven, so it was pretty obvious that all of them who were open about exploring their genders and sexualities couldn’t be doing anything wrong in God’s eyes. And Heavenborn society in general seemed above the whole gender thing, which he was thankful for since it was a hell of a lot safer for him to just ask someone already in his bed to switch things up instead of going out and straight up hitting on a guy. Plenty of them had their own preferences, sure, and that only made it even easier for him to say he just wanted to try something new and that it didn’t mean anything more.

And it couldn’t mean anything more when Adam was told from the very beginning to be fruitful and multiply. He couldn’t multiply anymore after his death, no, and maybe he didn’t need to worry about keeping up with all those mandates and suffering in paradise, but he saw what happened to Lilith after she refused to obey the angels and what happened to Eve after she was the first to eat that apple. And he sure as fuck saw the way other angels stared at him in disapproval or, worse, disappointment whenever he did or said or just was something wrong. Why would he make it worse for himself?

So that was how Adam and Abel got involved in Heaven’s Pride events as the resident straight allies, even though Adam was still pretty sure his son was in the closet.

He had to admit that it was nice how everyone brightened up when they saw the two of them walking together, carrying flags and signs talking about love and peace and all that hippie shit. Abel himself seemed so much happier having his father there at his side, and Sera had actually smiled at him when he told her how cool it was that she liked women. He wasn’t sure he could even recall a single time where she or any of the other elders were ever so happy in his presence since maybe the Garden.

That wasn’t to say Pride was all sunshine and rainbows (although it wasn’t like either of those were really in short supply in Heaven). Adam saw the way some of the Heavenborns looked curiously at him, and he couldn’t shake the fear that someone who he’d experimented with would eventually step forward and tell everyone that the first man wasn’t as heterosexual as he was supposed to be. It wasn’t like he ever planned to stop hooking up with anyone since it was great at boosting his confidence and decent at letting him pretend he had someone who loved him and wouldn’t leave him behind, but he knew he couldn’t continue trying to pass his desires off as simple curiosity. He would gladly take an occasionally boring sex life over letting anyone know what was wrong with him.

Most everything else he fucked up on, at least, was forgiven thanks to the whole image he put forward of being the cool and supportive old guy who was still learning the ropes. Like, it turned out that it was inappropriate to respond to someone asking him his pronouns with “Don’t you know who I am?” One meeting with the council later, though, and everyone was back to falling all over him for the most basic bullshit like “I use he/him pronouns and post all my music on my official channels, check it out!”

“That makes you sound like a sellout, sir,” Lute had said when he’d mentioned it, her arms crossed over her chest as she sat in front of her half-eaten burger that Adam had oh-so-thoughtfully ordered for her and would end up finishing for her when she’d inevitably complain that she didn’t actually need to eat.

“Nah, think about it. If they don’t know I’m the Adam, then I guess they gotta be new, right? So I just follow the script, make everyone happy, and then I introduce ’em to a new fuckin’ world of sick-ass tunes.” Adam took a sip of his soda and smirked as Lute’s face scrunched up. She took everything so fucking seriously, and he thought it was super fun hanging out with her even outside of the (then newly-implemented and top secret) exterminations. He actually hoped that maybe she might have started to think of him as a friend, if it meant anything how she went out of her way to keep him on schedule and then stuck around to shoot the shit with him.

“With all due respect, sir, you shouldn’t need to follow any ‘script.’ You’re the first man, an archangel, and the leader of the exorcist army. There’s nothing wrong with you or how you say things, and anyone who says otherwise is a fool,” she spat out, and Adam suddenly felt a weird tug in his chest.

He ignored it by grabbing some fries to dip into his ketchup and joking, “Don’t forget I’m also a badass rock star and a total sex god.”

Lute nodded solemnly. “Of course, sir.”

Adam laughed a little at her tone, and he could’ve sworn he saw the corner of her lips twitch up into an almost smile. Taking a bite of his food, Adam said, “You know, you should join us for Pride. Maybe take the rest of the scissor sisters with you for some ‘team bonding.’”

At that, Lute’s face twisted into a scowl. “The exorcist army exists to protect Heaven, not get involved in flashy parades. And I refuse to encourage fraternization within the ranks.”

Adam smirked at Lute’s indignation and shrugged as he responded, “I mean, I wouldn’t fuck any of the girls since I’m, like, technically you guys’ boss, but I don’t see the problem if some babes wanna oil each other up after training or whatever. Maybe you could join in, take pictures to share with me later?” Sera had told him not to talk that way about women (though he thought it was weird that a lesbian, of all people, didn’t get how hot it was seeing chicks doing it), but it wasn’t like she was even there anyway to bitch about his sense of humor.

“That’s disgusting.” Lute straightened back up in her seat. “I would never—”

“Bitch, cool it with the homophobia,” Adam cut her off irritably, and her mouth snapped shut in surprise. “I was fucking joking about wanting to watch. As long as the ladies do their jobs right, I don’t give a shit who they bone, all right?”

Lute stared at him silently, and Adam began to wonder if that brief moment meant he’d lost his chance at being friends and if it was really worth it when she finally spoke again. “I… apologize, sir. I hadn’t considered how my objection would sound in this context. You’re completely right that their work on the field is more important than anything else, and I will see to it that their personal relationships not infringe upon their performance.”

Adam let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank fuck. I thought I was gonna shit myself if it turned out you were a ’phobe. You’re too cool to stop hanging out with, babe.” He saw Lute blink at that, and he turned his attention to her burger. “You gonna finish that?”

Her eyes followed to where his finger pointed, and she scowled again with only slightly less intensity. “You know I won’t. I’ve already told you multiple times that angels don’t actually need to eat.”

“But I like to eat,” Adam replied with a smile as he grabbed the food, and her face softened just as he knew it would— he’d figured out by that point how she wouldn’t push back against on him on things like that, unlike some of the other angels. Seeing her searching gaze, he stopped just before he took a bite and said, “Hey, I was serious about wanting you to come with me to Pride, y’know. It’s a fun time, like, me and Abel have been going to support it since it started. Have you two met, by the way?”

Lute’s sneer said enough. “He’s a child.”

Adam shrugged, conceding the point. “I mean, not literally since he was already an adult when he got here, but, yeah, I guess I’ve spoiled him too much. Probably should’ve kicked him outta the house at least a few centuries ago.” He bit into the burger and immediately recoiled. “Ugh, fucking pickles.”

“Yes, the order came with them.” Lute seemed unsympathetic to his plight.

“Yeah, I didn’t tell them to take that shit off, ’cause you fucking love these nasty-ass things.” Adam opened up what remained of the meal and peeled the pickles out to wipe them onto one of his napkins with a grimace.

“I didn’t realize you would be so picky,” Lute muttered, more to herself than anything.

“I don’t need to settle for shit that makes me sick anymore in Heaven. Next time, either you eat all of your food or I order it without pickles, got it?” Adam had glowered as he said that, but he couldn’t help but smirk when Lute gasped in offense.

Lute ended up being the best friend he’d ever had, even if she never did end up getting along with his son. Some of the Heavenborns Adam went out with would act all weird and jealous about it, especially the ones who wanted to have dinner or see a movie or whatever with him before taking it to Bonetown, but he didn’t give a shit about their imagined melodrama. He finally had someone he knew would always have his back, and he loved her for it.

(But he wasn’t in love with her, and the way people talked about them as if they were inevitably going to get together made him sometimes wonder if that was yet another thing wrong with him. Lute never brought it up, though, and he couldn’t imagine ruining their friendship by asking. The failures of his marriages— and that first love he refused to even think about— had made him realize that the whole romance shit was just one of those things he might as well give up on, anyway.)

Their professional relationship was just as good as their friendship, in Adam’s opinion. He trusted Lute’s judgment with the troops, and she in turn trusted him on the field despite the fact that most of his job as General outside of Extermination Day revolved almost entirely around meetings and paperwork. She even followed his lead when he told the exorcists to take little trophies after killing sinners to boost morale, though her own idea of such amounted to covering herself in demon guts and refusing to do laundry on the basis of there being no such thing as B.O. in Heaven. He offered (threatened) to hose her down whenever they returned, but the stains seemed to mysteriously disappear because of her bullshit Heavenborn magic or something along those lines every time he said that.

When the others asked for more subtle souvenir ideas, Adam generally suggested they grab more normal things like teeth or other fun accessories. He figured his own initial idea of grabbing cell phones and other little electronics was clever and also less nasty, though he was forced to reconsider on both fronts when he saw some of the shit actually saved on the devices. Tossing them to a few of the more tech-savvy exorcists to see if they could do anything with them, at least, helped mitigate some of the shame that lingered after he’d looked through the Angel Porn folders sitting among all the poorly-shot amateur snuff films. He had originally been horrified until he realized that they were actually all just about some sinner that Adam assumed had already been killed by one of his girls, and he told himself that he was looking through videos starring one Angel Dust purely on the basis of curiosity and no other reason.

Of course, that ended up being the exact sinner the overly naïve princess of Hell chose as the champion of her dumbass rehab program, and Adam nearly laughed at the idea of that guy making it to Heaven after some of the shit he’d filmed himself doing. He and Lute had gotten a little too confident with how things were going, though, and Sera was unsurprisingly pissed when Adam accidentally let slip their dirty little secret of the exterminations in court. He had honestly expected that Emily would hate him for it since, as bubbly as she was, she’d only ever seemed to really tolerate him for Abel’s sake. He was not, however, thrilled to hear that she had gone to Abel himself to see if he’d known what his dad had been up to.

Adam tried to tell Abel it wasn’t really that big of a deal and that it was less mass murder and more culling the herd, but his son just backed away (into the side of the doorway first, of course, before he reoriented himself) and left to stay with one of his friends until Adam came to his senses or some bullshit like that. Adam had no idea why Abel had to be such a pussy about it, but he decided he could just reach out again after the extermination finished up to show his son just how good and cool it all actually was.

Waking up on the ground with a red sky above him and a pain in his chest had Adam rethinking his plans.

He would rather memory-hole the time that followed his resurrection, in all honesty. Tearing clothes off corpses to replace his ruined battle robes, diving into dumpsters for food since sinners did need to eat, pushing and pulling futilely at the doors to the Heaven Embassy, trying not to cry whenever he saw himself in a restroom mirror and sometimes failing… all super fucked up shit that weirdly reminded Adam of life after being kicked out of the Garden. At least back then, the animals who’d turned against him didn’t call him slurs or shoot him when he tried to fight back. Somewhere around the sixth time he regenerated after getting pumped full of lead, he was convinced that whoever invented guns had to have gone to Hell when they died and he hoped that he’d been the one to exterminate them.

All through his time on the streets, the Hazbin Hotel seemed to almost taunt him with not just its bigger and brighter building but also the near-constant media coverage on it or the people in it. Adam had no clue why there were so many fucking TVs on every single street, but at least the massive crowds always surrounding them meant there were fewer people giving him shit for huddling in an alleyway and wondering if eating Hell rats would lead to a better or worse death than any of the others he’d experienced. At some point, he’d become conscious enough to hear a special transmission from Heaven that a sinner had been redeemed at the Hotel, and he came to the unfortunate conclusion that the place was going to be his best bet if he wanted Lute to finally find him.

Of course, the reception he got at the front desk served as a quick reminder as to why he’d kept his distance to begin with, especially when Vaggie (why the fuck was she wearing a misspelled name tag?) started yelling and attracting her annoying-ass buddies to her side.

“Look, I don’t wanna be here, and you don’t want me here, so how’s about you just call Heaven up and send someone down here to come pick me up, m’kay?” he’d suggested, reasonably in his own opinion.

“That’s not really how it works,” the princess had said while her own name tag called her the Head Counselor, which Adam assumed was why she thought she was qualified to mediate the whole clusterfuck. “Guests check in to improve themselves and earn their redemptions.”

Adam sneered. “Why don’t you tell your little bitch that since she won’t even let me in?” Charlie’s face shifted angrily at that with red flooding into her eyes, but it was said girlfriend who snapped back at him first.

“You attacked us, went into hiding for a month, and now you show up after you hear redemption is possible just to try ordering us around? Get fucked.” Her spear was gripped by her side as she stared him down, very clearly ready and willing to stab him if he tried anything (even though razing the shithole to the ground would’ve obviously been his first course of action if only he’d still had his holy powers or strength).

“I guess following orders isn’t your thing, huh? That’s why you fell, wasn’t it, Vaggie?” He leaned forward with a smirk, and she stood her ground with narrowed eyes.

“It’s Vaggi.” She tapped at her name tag with her free hand. “I know you know how to read.”

“Yeah, I was wondering what the fuck was up there.” He gestured to her and then quickly pulled his arm back with a scowl when she moved to grab her weapon in both hands. “I named you after the greatest thing of all time, and you changed it into total bullshit? What, you and your girlfriend don’t fuck with vagina all of a sudden?”

“Wow,” a vaguely familiar woman standing nearby bluntly said, her pinkish-blonde hair pulled up into a ponytail as she crossed her arms. “No wonder Vaggi fucking hates you. You’re a misogynistic pig with zero respect for lesbians.”

“What?” Adam turned to the sinner, squinting at her as if that would help him place where he recognized her from. “No, I love lesbians. I’m an ally.”

The sinner narrowed her own eye at him back at him incredulously. “You know wanking to lesbian porn doesn’t count as allyship, right?”

“Don’t bother, Cherri,” the fallen exorcist said with a sigh. “He’s always been like this.”

“Uh, excuse you,” Adam huffed. “I’ve been part of Heaven’s Pride parades since the fucking beginning! I was the one who told the elders to go through with them, even! You bitches should be grateful I’m such a nice and supportive guy.”

“Um, okay…” Charlie’s eyes darted around uncertainly as if she didn’t believe him for some reason.

“Uh-huh. Hey, what do you think about gay men?” The sinner— Cherri apparently— watched him with a sharp frown.

He couldn’t help but tense at her judgmental tone, wondering what he had done to make her suddenly ask him that. He tried to look her straight in the eye, teeth gritted as he answered, “They can do whatever the fuck they want. Why should I give a shit?”

“So you think lesbians are hot but don’t ‘give a shit’ about gay men? Big fucking surprise there.” Cherri rolled her eye, and it suddenly clicked how Adam knew her.

“Ohhh, you’re asking ’cause you’re friends with Angel Dust, right?” Her eye widened and her mouth fell open in a small surprised frown, and he knew he’d hit the nail on the head. “Is that what gets you wet, watching him work?”

Cherri’s face twisted with fury. “What the fuck—”

The other two women shifted toward her, Charlie putting a hand on Cherri’s shoulder while the princess’s girlfriend stood on the other side and pointed her spear up at Adam. “You’ve said enough, jackass. Leave, or Charlie and I make you leave.”

“Jesus, I didn’t even say anything bad about the guy. What, he can take a dick, but not a joke?” Adam held his hands up in front of himself defensively but ignored the women’s glares as he looked around. “Where even is he, thought your big star would be here— oh, shit.” A thought struck him, and he hurriedly turned back with wide eyes. “Was he the one that got redeemed?”

The spear wavered as the woman holding it stared at him in disbelief. “When you came here, you said you knew about redemption because you watched Heaven’s transmission. You know what Angel looks like, and he doesn’t look anything like Pentious.”

“Okay, it’s more like I heard it.” All three women continued looking at him doubtfully, and he assumed that Angel and this Pentious guy probably didn’t sound like each other either. “I mean, I was still half-asleep when I heard it, and I couldn’t hear too well over everyone crowding around the TV, but I got the gist of it.”

Cherri crossed her arms, the movement causing Charlie to remove her hand from the sinner’s shoulder. “Where the hell were you sleeping that there were other people around the telly? You don’t have anyone else here with you, do you?”

Shit. Adam plastered on a grin and said, “I was in a normal hotel and definitely not on the streets waking up after getting sick and passing out from eating an alley rat.”

Charlie gasped in horror. “You what?”

Adam grimaced at the pity he could hear in her voice. “Ah, shit. Look, I’m still tired, so just pretend I didn’t say that, okay?” That was why he usually talked around certain topics and avoided trying to outright lie, because he was so fucking bad at it.

“How the hell d’you manage to catch and kill one of those things?” Cherri tilted her head curiously as if that were the most shocking part of his little sob story.

Adam scoffed. “Uh, I used to hunt for food back when I was alive? It was real fucking easy, ’specially since those little shits don’t have guns or anything like that to fight back with. Hardest part was it going down and coming back up.”

“Oh my God.” Vaggie— or Vaggi, what the fuck ever— dropped her spear back down by her side and pressed one hand against her forehead. “You’re actually pathetic.”

“Uh, rude much? You say that kinda shit to every guest?” Adam glared at her before a loud choked gasp cut through the lobby. He glanced over and faltered when he saw Lucifer staring back at him with wide eyes from across the room. Oh, fuck no, that was the last person he needed to see.

His stomach twisted when the devil hoofed it over, though he thankfully stopped beside his daughter. “Uh, sweetheart, is it just me, or does that sinner look a lot like Adam?”

“What the fuck, man, don’t talk about me like I’m not here,” Adam grumbled, and Lucifer swiveled back to him in surprise.

“Holy smokes, it is you!” Lucifer craned his head back to look up at the first man. “What are you doing here? How are you even alive?”

Christ, seeing his stupid beautiful face again made Adam want to punch the guy square in between the eyea. Hell, he probably could since he knew Lucifer couldn’t hurt sinners or some shit like that, but doing that around people who’d gladly kick his ass back to the curb seemed like a poor use of his free will.

Charlie glanced over at her father before looking back warily at Adam. “Um, Adam here was—”

Adam interrupted, “Leaving, apparently, since no one fucking wants me here.”

“Awww, don’t pout, buddy!” Lucifer bared his sharp teeth in a grin, and Adam glared back at him (not pouting). The first man’s face then almost instantly fell when Lucifer reached for him, and he stepped back and ignored the shiver that ran down his spine.

“Don’t touch me!” Adam snapped defensively, and bile rose in his throat when Lucifer stopped and watched him uncertainly. “I know where the front door is. You don’t need to walk me there.”

Charlie stepped toward him with a sad sympathetic frown. “Actually, Adam, you’re free to stay here at our Hotel as long as you follow the rules, if, um, you still don’t have anywhere to stay.”

Lucifer squinted up at Adam. “Wait, are you homeless or something?”

That was so stupid that Adam elected to ignore it for the sake of his own growing headache. Instead, he pushed down the nausea to scowl at Charlie. “I’m not your charity case, babe. You know, the only reason I even came to this dump in the first place was just so you could call Lute up and get her to either drag my ass back home or put me out of my fucking misery.”

That was not the right thing to say.

“Jesus, mate, that’s dark,” Cherri said nonchalantly while Charlie looked like she was about to burst into tears.

Lucifer looked back and forth between Adam and Charlie in shock before his eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement and he leaned over to a frowning Vaggi, his voice more of a stage whisper as he asked, “Who’s Lute?”

“Oh my fucking God.” Adam turned to Vaggi and pointed at the spear still at her side. “Can you just stab me with that thing already?”

They ended up letting him stay instead of killing him, but he had to promise to play nice and attend counseling sessions where he’d sit in a too-small chair and listen to other guests crying over the dumbest shit. The princess would then turn to him to ask him about his life, and he’d give what he thought was a safe answer that would invariably end up upsetting her or another guest. She eventually told him that one-on-one meetings might work out better for him, even though he could tell no one— including himself— was happy about him being alone in a room with her. Being accosted by sinners freaking out on him for the deaths of their friends and family, though, was an all too common occurrence that he knew he was growing increasingly uncomfortable with and that he was pretty sure wearing on everyone else too.

The skeleton crew serving as the Hotel’s staff were, in contrast, mostly too stretched thin to pay him much mind aside from quick sneers in his direction every now and then, though the little maid who had been the one to land the killing blow on him sometimes ran around him and giggled creepily when he startled. There was also the red guy whose ass he remembered beating back on Extermination Day who liked to hide in the shadows and grin at him like a fucking creep but otherwise kept his distance, presumably biding his time for some evil plan if Lucifer’s bitching was to be believed.

And wasn’t that a kick in the teeth, that Lucifer suddenly wanted to pal around with him even after everything was said and done. He’d said that he was willing to give Adam the benefit of the doubt since Charlie had decided to take him in (like he was some kind of stray animal she pitied), but the first man figured that Lucifer was almost certainly just lonely after Lilith left his ass. It was kind of pathetic how the devil was so obviously clinging onto the one person left from Eden who’d give him the time of day, and Adam was embarrassed with himself for apparently not having the self-respect to tell him to go eat shit.

Adam tried telling himself he was just tolerating Lucifer’s company because he was also lonely without Lute by his side, and it certainly was something for him to think about when he realized he missed her more than he missed the one night stands. The more time he spent with Lucifer, however, the more he realized that the feelings he had for the devil were not like the ones he had for his best friend and definitely not like how he felt for his family. Adam begrudgingly had to admit that Lilith and Eve must have been stronger than him (at least when it came to relationships) since they had gone no contact while his dumb ass got weak in the knees whenever the devil leaned in against his side from behind to mutter about some sinner supposedly disrespecting him. He would’ve thought the whole incident with the apple and the grudge he’d held onto for literal millennia afterward would have killed any weird gay feelings Lucifer had stirred in him back in the Garden of Eden, but apparently fucking not!

That was how he’d found himself sitting at the bar side by side with the King of Hell himself, every sinner giving them a wide berth but for the man behind the bar glowering at them— or, well, mostly at Adam.

“What’s your problem, man?” Adam looked over at the bartender, who he recalled Vaggi referring to as Husk during one of her routine check-ins. “You on the rag or something?”

Husk’s ears flattened irritably back against his head. “’Scuse me?”

“You know,” Adam said with a growing smirk, “’cause you’re a pussy?”

“Oh, like a pussycat!” Lucifer laughed a little, which already warmed something inside Adam before he’d even started drinking. “I get it, because he’s a cat.”

“Yeah, we got a real comedian here,” Husk grumbled. “You got any more jokes, or are you gonna tell me what you want?”

Lucifer twirled on his stool to face the bartender instead of his friend (at least, Adam hoped they were something like friends at that point). “I’ll take an appletini, my good man!”

Adam snorted. “’Course you’d go for some apple shit. You’re so fucking predictable, dude. I’ll have a beer.”

“What kind?” Husk raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

Adam stared blankly back at him. “The… regular kind?”

Lucifer chuckled awkwardly, and Adam glanced over to see the devil rubbing at the back of his neck. “Uh, I guess I should’ve asked this before we sat down, but have you ever had alcohol?”

“Obviously not. Drinking’s a sin,” Adam answered, and he scowled when Husk hummed rather judgmentally at that. “I am a sinner now, though, so might as well try it out before I move on to cocaine or whatever.”

Lucifer grimaced. “Well, don’t do that.” Adam just smirked in response, and Lucifer let out a small annoyed huff. “Look, I just thought it would be nice to kick back, have a drink or two. I feel like we haven’t really gotten the chance to talk all that much, you know?”

Adam didn’t know, actually. “Uh, I feel like we’ve been hanging out a lot since I got here. You talk about ducks and people who piss you off, I talk about music and people who piss me off. Dunno what else there is to talk about, man.”

Lucifer’s face scrunched up in confusion. “I’d say there’s a lot we haven’t covered, like what we’ve been up to the last ten thousand years or, ah, the Eden-sized elephant in the room?” Adam felt like he cringed at that, but whatever his face actually did (fuck, he missed his mask) must have looked much worse the way Lucifer suddenly looked at him in alarm. “Orrr we can talk about other things! You’ve mentioned someone named Lute before?”

Adam decided to take the lifeline for what it was and swallowed down the weird lump in his throat. “Yeah, she’s my best friend— or, uh, she was, I guess. I haven’t talked to her since I got down here.” He wondered, not for the first time, if she would hate him for what he’d become, but he didn’t have time to get all mopey about it when Husk set down drinks on the bar. Puzzled, Adam looked down at the glass of brownish-yellow liquid in front of him. “The fuck is this? I thought you needed me to tell you what kinda beer I wanted.”

“It’s a lager. Figured we should start off simple for your first drink,” Husk explained, and Adam raised the glass to take a gulp.

And it took all his strength not to immediately spit that shit out. Adam could feel the stares on him as he swallowed the beer with a grimace, and his face twisted sourly as he hissed, “Holy fuck, that’s like if piss tasted bad.”

Lucifer nearly dropped his own drink when a laugh startled out of him, and he put it back down on the bar as he turned to Adam. “That’s an interesting way to describe it. What’s the story there?”

Adam wiped at his mouth with his sleeve and glanced over at Lucifer. “What story?”

Husk sighed wearily, the sound loud enough to grab the other men’s attentions. “You wanna try something else? Maybe a cocktail?”

Adam looked over with a blank expression. “Is that seriously the name of an actual beer?”

“Not necessarily. Cocktails are drinks mixing alcohol with other ingredients like juices, syrups, stuff like that to add some flavor. Lot like your buddy’s appletini there.” Husk moved to grab some bottles, an almost fond look to his face as he continued, “A guest came up with a house cocktail a while back that’s gotten real popular. He called it a ‘Harder Daddy.’”

“Jesus.” Adam recoiled. “No fucking way I’m drinking shit some whackjob sinner named that.”

“Really?” Lucifer frowned as he leaned forward to take a small sip of his own drink. “I figured that kind of humor would be right up your alley.”

Adam glanced over to see Husk scowling and going to grab more containers, and the first man shook his head. “If there weren’t babes who thought it was funny to say that kinda shit in bed, maybe, but you know how much of a boner-killer it is to be reminded about your kids when you’re trying to score? Fucking bad enough that winners would hit on me, I didn’t need to hear it from Heavenborns too.”

“Didn’t you mention to the girls a little something about knowing the porn scene down here? Or is watching your however-many-great-grandkids going at it different from doing them yourself?” Husk raised an eyebrow at him before turning back to continue working on something behind the bar, and Adam stared back down at his now half-empty drink as he realized what the bartender was referring to. Angel Dust.

“I, uh…” Adam’s mouth felt dry, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to try quenching his thirst with the nasty-ass beer sitting in front of him. “I don’t normally watch porn, okay? Why would I even need to, when chicks are always throwing themselves at me? I was just doing some research, that was all.”

Husk didn’t look impressed with that answer, but it was Lucifer who scrunched his face up and asked, “But… why? I don’t see how watching sinners doing the hanky panky would help you with killing them.”

Adam ran one hand down his face in exasperation. “Okay, first of all, we confiscated phones and all that during the exterminations, and that’s when I saw that freak shit. It’s not like I was looking up Hell porn to get my rocks off, man. Secondly, it’s sex, not hanky panky. You sound like a fucking virgin when you talk like that.”

“Well, I’m not.” Lucifer clicked his tongue in annoyance before looking over with widened eyes at Husk placing a pink drink in front of Adam. “Ooh, what’s that?”

“House cocktail,” Husk explained curtly, what little patience he’d had clearly drying up as he kept his eyes locked on Adam.

Adam took a cautious sniff and was relieved to find it didn’t smell like piss, so he took a swig— and nearly slammed it back down onto the counter as he almost choked on the liquid.

“Man, you keep chugging these down, and I don’t think that’s doing you any favors.” Lucifer sounded almost concerned as he put a hand on Adam’s back, which the sinner didn’t think actually helped at all but that he also didn’t really want to shrug off.

“Ugh, fuck… that’s more sour than I thought it’d be.” Adam rubbed at his own chest and glowered at what little remained of the cocktail, mentally kicking himself for not paying attention as Husk made it since he absolutely would’ve refused it if he’d caught even a glimpse of a lemon.

Lucifer picked up Adam’s drink curiously. “Can I try? You can have some of my martini.”

Instead of answering, Adam just reached over to grab Lucifer’s drink. He figured it might be best to take into account the other man’s comment about chugging, so he steeled himself and took a small sip just as Lucifer finished the rest of the cocktail.

Adam placed the drink back down and ran his hand down his face, his eyes squeezed shut as he muttered, “Tastes like apple.”

Lucifer snorted. “Real insightful, champ.” He peered over at Husk with a more indifferent frown and said, “Not really my thing, but not too bad. You said a guest made this?” Husk simply hummed in response and took the glass back when Lucifer handed it over, the devil already turning away to stare back at Adam.

Adam looked back up as Husk moved away, hesitantly reaching for his lager. “Ugh… do I need to finish this up?”

Husk sighed and slowly turned back around with a scowl. “What, you want me to make you something else you’ll bitch about? Maybe a mojito? Piña colada? Rum and Coke?”

That last one threw Adam for such a loop that he couldn’t even think of a comeback for Husk’s accusatory tone. “Wha— you know I was kidding about trying cocaine, right?”

“Coke is soda,” Husk snapped. “You know what that is, don’t you?”

Adam brightened up at that. “Ooh, yeah, I love soda! What flavors you got?”

Husk placed the glass already in his hand down and grabbed a bottle of rum and a can of soda that he abruptly slammed down in front of Adam. “There. Rum and Coke.”

“Hey, uh…” Lucifer leaned over, puzzled. “Looks like you forgot to mix them together.”

Husk swiped Adam’s lager and turned his back to the other men to clean it out, a snarl in his voice as he replied, “Goldilocks here can figure out what’s just right for himself.”

“What the fuck? Did I kill someone you know?” Husk looked back at Adam with a withering glance, and the first man held his hands up. “Okay, fine, stupid question, I know. Look, I get that genocide is bad, okay? I can’t go a single fucking day without getting yelled at by some sinner for what I’ve done.” Husk didn’t reply as he focused on the glass in his hands.

Lucifer’s gaze shifted between them warily, but anything he might have planned on saying was preempted by the sound of Charlie calling out, “Husk, are you still interested in— oh!” She had a large box in her arms as walked down the stairs, and her surprise was clear as she looked down over the railing to see her father and least favorite guest together (okay, she never told Adam he was her least favorite, but the most positive emotion she ever seemed to have around him was a rather condescending sort of sympathy that he thought spoke for itself).

Vaggi was right behind her with another box in her own arms, and she scowled when she followed Charlie’s gaze. “Husk, what the fuck? We told you not to give Adam alcohol!”

Adam held one hand to his chest in offense. “What? Why? I’m a grown-ass man!”

“Are you drunk?” Vaggi shot back.

“Do I look drunk?”

“Guy his size, he’d need a few more drinks in him to even get tipsy,” Husk cut in. “And if you’re gonna blame anyone for him being here, you can talk to His Majesty here.”

Lucifer, who had been watching the women walk down toward them, frowned. “What, a guy can’t get a couple drinks with his friends now?”

The confirmation that Lucifer liked him enough to consider them friends made the whole night worth it, but Adam couldn’t help but smirk at the wording. “‘Friends’? Plural?” Lucifer pointed wordlessly at him with narrowed eyes, and Adam just grinned in response.

Charlie set her box down on the far end of the bar and looked at them curiously. “Oh, uh, I didn’t realize you two were friendly now. How long has that been going on?”

Vaggi placed her own box next to Charlie’s and crossed her arms. “And how has this never come up before?”

“I don’t need to tell you everything about my life,” Adam replied, defensive.

Charlie chuckled nervously. “No, but it would help to hear more about you during our sessions. You’ve said before that you’re not interested in seeing a psychiatrist, but—”

Adam interrupted, “I told you already, there’s no point in me getting diagnosed with anything after all this time. That one bitch was fucking nuts who threw a shit fit about me being the reason her kid had ADHD or autism or whatever it was.”

“Mm, yeah, not really how ‘skipping a generation’ works.” Lucifer reached for something behind Adam with a crooked grin. “I wouldn’t say it was the dumbest thing a sinner’s yelled at you for, though.”

“Fuck it,” Husk said, and he moved to leave. “I don’t need to stand around listening to you two shit-talking sinners any longer.”

“What?” Charlie looked aghast, and she quickly dug through her box to pull out a piece of fabric in pink, yellow, and blue. “We wanted to talk to you about the Pride parade—”

“Later,” he said brusquely, waving her off. “I need to go check on the bar in the lounge.” Charlie dropped the fabric, which Adam realized at that point was the pansexual flag, back into the box with a groan as Husk stormed away.

“Is it time for Pride already? I thought it wasn’t for, uh…” Oh, shit, Adam couldn’t remember how far off it was. Without Lute keeping him on schedule, it was hard for him to remember what day of the week or even month it was. If it weren’t for the alarms that had come preprogrammed into the phone the Hotel had given him, his mind would’ve probably slipped fully back into the void where time had no meaning.

“Are you keeping up with your planner?” Vaggi asked.

“I am.” He wasn’t, and he could tell from Vaggi’s narrowed eye and Charlie’s tired frown that they knew it. He turned away to grab the rum Husk had left for him, and Charlie sighed before looking to her father.

“Dad, I know you have your, um, issues with sinners, but could you please try to play nice?” Lucifer’s gaze darted uncomfortably over to Adam, and Charlie forced a grin. “I mean, I’m happy to see you and Adam getting along, but you two have a… unique history in relation to everyone else down here.”

“Is Daddy Dearest gonna have to do counseling sessions too? No, wait, that’d be a conflict of interest, wouldn’t it?” Adam shrugged nonchalantly when Charlie looked over at him with her grin straining even further before he took a swig of his rum, which he was surprised to find tasted rather sweet and a little earthy. He reached for his soda to see what they’d be like mixed together and scowled when he saw the can in Lucifer’s hand instead of on the bar, the devil smiling sheepishly as he was caught taking a sip.

Lucifer set the can down by his side away from Adam and looked up at his daughter, ignoring as the first man sulked and took another drink of rum. “I’ll do my best, sweetie! Now, ah, what were you saying about Pride?”

Charlie frowned at the lackluster response, but Vaggi rolled with the change in topic as she said, “Since we’re trying to build up a relationship between Heaven and Hell, we’ve been working on coordinating Pride events with communications set up by Baxter and Pentious. Adam here mentioned that Heaven’s been holding Pride parades for a while, and the Seraphim Sisters agreed with us that it would be a good way to start things off on the right foot. Right now, both sides are just trying to get things ready in advance.”

Adam’s grip around his drink tightened as he frowned. “Hold up. Do they know I’m down here?”

Charlie looked at him with that pitying smile he’d really come to hate. “We thought it might be better for you to approach them at your own pace. Emily and Sera are going to drop by in person with the new leader of the exorcists to check in just before the events, if you want to see them then.”

Fucking obviously he wanted to see them. Adam set his rum down, not wanting to appear overeager as he plastered on a casual smirk and said, “So Lute’s gonna be there too? She never used to be into the parades, y’know. Not much of a party animal.”

“That tracks,” Vaggi murmured, rolling her eye. She raised her voice back to normal as she continued, “No, Lute won’t be there. She’s not the new general. Abel is.”

“Abel? Like, my son Abel? Who the fuck put him in charge?” Adam was glad he’d put his drink down since he probably would’ve dropped it after hearing that, and he grabbed for it again to take another swig.

Charlie was swift to come to Abel’s defense. “He’s actually been very open to the Hotel, and it’s been a delight getting to know him!”

Adam rested his drink against the side of his face, briefly noting that the bottle was closer to room temperature than particularly cold as he mused, “Yeah, kid’s a real softie. I always thought he was gay, you know that? I even told him I’d support him if he came out, but he says he’s an ally.”

The women looked at each other with small frowns for a moment, which Adam assumed was some attempt at lesbian telepathy before Charlie turned and started searching through one of the boxes. Adam took another drink while she did so, and she eventually emerged with two flags in her hands and let out a triumphant “A-ha!”

“Oh, that one’s my colors!” Lucifer smiled as his daughter handed him a pansexual flag, and Adam took another drink to avoid giving away any reaction. He couldn’t say he was surprised by that one since Heavenborns didn’t have the same expectations of gender and sexuality that humans did, but damn if it didn’t sting to think that maybe they could’ve had something together if Adam wasn’t supposed to be straight.

Speaking of which, the other flag Charlie had in her hand was unpleasantly familiar. She held out the straight ally flag to Adam with a smile and said, “And here’s your flag, Adam, so you can show your support at the events if you feel comfortable coming along!”

So fucking patronizing. Adam took the flag, less roughly than he felt like doing, and said a quick “Thanks.”

Somehow, this was yet another thing he got wrong. Charlie’s face fell into a puzzled frown, and Vaggi’s own frown deepened into a scowl as the former exorcist asked, “Why are you being so shitty about being given your own flag?”

Damn, he really thought he was coming across as more polite than standoffish. Adam unfolded the fabric, grimacing as he saw the angular rainbow over the black and white stripes. “What do you want me to say? That I’m sooo fucking excited you gave me this ugly-ass thing so I can go and pretend I’m all good when my son sees me in Hell for committing mass murder?”

Charlie steepled her fingers. “So you believe you’re a sinner because of the exterminations?”

Adam rolled his eyes and grabbed his rum again. “I already know the exterminations were bad, I hear it every goddamn day. You don’t need to psychoanalyze me to see if I ‘feel it in my heart’ or whatever.”

Lucifer hummed as Adam took a drink, looking between the two flags. “You know… you actually kind of have a point about it being ugly.”

“What? No!” Charlie’s mouth hung open in shock. “It’s got such a lovely meaning!”

“You see the beauty in everything, hon,” Vaggi said with a fond smile, her face falling into a more neutral expression as she looked back at Adam. “If you don’t like that one, then we can just get you a regular rainbow flag.”

Adam hid his grimace behind another quick sip. “Uh… nah, I’m good.”

“What’s wrong with the rainbow? It isn’t ugly, is it?” Charlie asked, troubled.

Adam wanted to take yet another swig but figured doing that for the hundredth time in a row that might look suspicious, and he set the rum down so he could better gesture to the flag he’d been given. “Look, when I walk around with this shit, people see me as the cool old guy who’s there for them or whatever, you get me? They’re all like, ‘Look, there’s Adam, he’s so nice and supportive,’ and everyone walks away happy. If I went out with a rainbow, though, then they’re gonna know I’m gay, and I’ll have to field a hundred and one fucking questions about my love life and family and politics and all that other shit I don’t need to deal with.”

Charlie and Vaggi both stared at him with furrowed eyebrows, as if trying to figure out a puzzle. Before he could ask what was up, Lucifer chuckled slightly. “You mean think, not know. It’s fine, I mix up my words sometimes too.”

Adam turned to him, baffled by the apparent non sequitur. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You said people would know you’re gay, but it makes more sense to say they’d think you’re gay since you’re actually straight.” Lucifer smiled— and his face quickly shifted to concern when Adam abruptly stood. “Oh, uh, I mean—”

Whatever Lucifer meant, Adam didn’t need to hear it. The women practically jumped out of his way as he left and didn’t look back as they called after him. He barely even processed the other guests in the halls as he made a beeline for his room, his mind racing with how he’d finally let his secret slip after all that time because of one fucking word. He didn’t think he could even chalk it up to the alcohol, because he didn’t feel even mildly buzzed. He sure wished he was a lightweight if it meant he could blame everything he’d said on what he’d drank and then just go to sleep and wake up with no memory of the night.

Adam realized he was still gripping that dumb fucking flag when he stopped to take out his key, and he dropped it to the floor before he stepped inside. He barely had time to lock himself in, though, when the knocking started. He didn’t think anyone had been following him, and he knew no one was right behind him when he’d entered his room so he had a sneaking suspicion he was going to be pissed when he opened the door.

He opened the door anyway, and Lucifer stood there with an awkward grin. “Well, hey there—”

Adam slammed the door in his face and immediately turned around, already aware he would see the swirl of energy signaling that the devil was teleporting in anyway. Lucifer entered with a triumphant smile at first, and his eyes bulged in surprise when Adam quickly leaned forward to grab him by his upper arms. “I’m gonna throw you out the window if you don’t leave right fucking now.”

Lucifer just blinked, his eyes out of sync with each other. “I mean… you could try?”

Adam angrily gripped Lucifer’s biceps just a little tighter before his thoughts came to a screeching halt, and he released Lucifer as if his hands had been burned. First he accidentally came out and then he started feeling up the only person who even considered him a friend anymore? What the fuck was wrong with him?

Adam silently pushed past Lucifer and stopped to stand by his bed as he ran his hands down his face and hoped Lucifer would get the hint and go, even though he knew that was futile as soon as he thought it. He heard shuffling behind him and resolutely refused to turn around when Lucifer coughed and said, “So… do you wanna talk about—”

“No,” Adam snapped. “Obviously, I don’t want to talk about it, dumbass, or I wouldn’t have fucking ran off like a little bitch.”

“Okay, so you admit that was an overreaction,” Lucifer moved around to stand in Adam’s line of sight, and he looked down to avoid Lucifer’s gaze and instead saw the straight ally flag gripped in the devil’s hand as if he’d just picked it up from the hallway. “You already know we’re not going to judge you for being gay or bisexual or whatever label you think fits you best.”

Adam couldn’t help but let out a sharp, humorless laugh. “No shit, man. They hate me for all the ‘murder’ and ‘disrespect’ and whatever, but my ‘feelings’ are ‘valid’ and all that happy horseshit.”

“That sure was a lot of air quotes,” Lucifer mused. “I think Charlie may have had a point about the psychiatrist thing.”

“You’re the last person who should be saying that,” Adam retorted, and he finally lifted his head to see Lucifer watching him with concern. “Why are you even here and not your daughter? She fucking loves playing armchair therapist.”

That at least put a small crack in Lucifer’s caring façade in the form of his eyebrows furrowing. “Uh, that’s what counselors do, is listen to people.”

“I haven’t seen any degrees up on her wall,” Adam grumbled.

Lucifer shrugged. “You don’t exactly have anything on your walls either. Didn’t really see you as the minimalist type, if I’m being honest.” When Adam didn’t respond to that, Lucifer held the flag that he had dropped out to him.

Adam grimaced. “Man, come on. Thought it was obvious I didn’t fucking want that.”

With a sigh, Lucifer let his arm holding the flag fall back down to his side. “Look, I know we’ve had our problems in the past, but I thought we were, you know, bonding since you got here and that maybe we could start really opening up to each other. That was the whole reason for tonight, remember? I want to get to know you better after everything we’ve been through.”

“Fine,” Adam spat out. “Now you know I like dudes. What does that change? You gonna finish what you started in Eden then, check me off your to-do list?”

Finally, Lucifer glared at him. “Excuse me? I’m happily married.”

Adam grinned at the conversation turning to a more familiar tone. “‘Happily’? Give me a fucking break. Lilith’s probably getting plowed by some Virtue hunk as we speak in her cozy little beach bungalow.” Lucifer’s face faltered into shock, and Adam was relieved to find that he’d hit a nerve. “Yeah, real nice place right along Heaven’s sweet ocean. I’ve been there a few times, and I gotta say—”

“Lilith’s in Heaven? And you knew?” Lucifer looked like he was split between burning the whole room down and bursting into tears, and Adam really hoped he wouldn’t do either.

“Uh, yeah? Did you not know?” Adam was honestly thrown for a loop by Lucifer’s reaction. “You can call Sera up and ask her if you don’t believe me.”

Lucifer looked even more distressed. “Wha— you mean this wasn’t even a secret? All of Hell thought she disappeared! Charlie and I have been leaving her messages for seven years!”

Adam no longer found this fun. “Okay, I’m gonna be real with you, man, but I actually hardly ever talked to Lilith because we always pissed each other off. Maybe it was a secret and I didn’t know, because I kept our meetings to a strict minimum once I took her deal to get her into Heaven. I don’t even know why she needed up there so bad, and I didn’t ask since Sera said she’d handle it all after that.”

Lucifer still didn’t look happy, but at least he didn’t look like he was going to have a panic attack anymore. “Okay… okay, so if I contact Heaven and tell them what you told me, then they’ll back up your story?”

“Do you think I’m lying?” Adam started to think maybe he should have just tossed Lucifer out the window before this whole conversation even started. “What the fuck would I gain from that? It’s not like you’d just believe me and go, ‘Ooh, Adam, thank you so much for saving me time from crying over my broken marriage! I should’ve ran away with you instead!’”

“I don’t sound like that.” Lucifer’s face was scrunched up with irritation, which held for a few seconds before he raised his eyebrows. “Wait, what do you mean about running away together? You mean from the Garden?”

Good fucking Lord. “Oh no, no more life-changing revelations. You go call up Sera, and then we can talk about me being in love with you since Eden.”

“What?” Lucifer just stood there with his mouth hanging open stupidly as Adam went over to the window and started unlocking it. He pushed it open and went back to pick Lucifer up, and the devil suddenly came back to himself. “Wait, if you’re going to kick me out, use the fucking door!”

“I know you can fly, bitch.” Lucifer stopped flailing to scowl at Adam, who took the opportunity to just toss the devil out without another word. He poked his head out to see Lucifer spread his wings and look up with both hands flipping the bird, and Adam smirked at the sight as he waved back.

Things got pretty hectic after that with Lucifer talking to Sera, Sera talking to Lilith, Lilith talking to Charlie, and Charlie having a nervous breakdown that unsurprisingly saw Vaggi and Lucifer by her side. More surprisingly, however, she also wanted Adam there since she wanted to hear everything she could from him about her mother. He thought it was an incredibly strange experience, especially when she began asking about Eden to get the full story, and he started wondering if all those past counseling sessions were actually just a cover for her to learn more about his shared history with her parents even when she claimed otherwise. Charlie, at least, realized they couldn’t continue as they were, and Adam did end up having to see some different specialists even after all his protests. Despite his reservations, he did at least have to admit that it was far less mortifying to cry in front of someone who he never had to see outside of one room than it was in front of people he had to see day in and day out.

Talking about Eden with Lucifer was significantly more awkward, and Lilith telling her second ex-husband in no uncertain terms just how she felt about his attitude toward the sinners when she had identified so strongly with them certainly didn’t help matters. Adam wasn’t really too excited to spill his guts so easily anyway after millennia of holding everything in, and they both agreed that taking it slow would probably be for the best as they figured their feelings out not only for each other but everything else about their situations as well. After mentioning it in his sessions, Adam was told that was a very mature way to handle it and so promptly bragged to everyone about how incredibly mature he was and what a great fucking job he was doing at therapy and how they could all kiss his ass.

But Pride obviously wasn’t going to be put on hold just because of some royal family drama, and Adam found himself feeling a little anxious as the time drew nearer. He hadn’t gotten the opportunity to talk with Sera, but Lucifer told him that she was supposedly happily surprised to hear that he was alive and that she would keep it secret for him so that he wouldn’t feel pressured to come forward when they arrived at the Hotel. He thought that sounded like bullshit since he was under the impression that she couldn’t stand him (although his therapist suggested he was actually projecting his own warped self-image onto others, which didn’t make any sense to him since he was pretty sure he was totally fucking awesome), but he figured it didn’t matter since there was no way he was going to miss out on at least seeing Abel again.

He was pretty bummed that Lute wouldn’t be there, though, even if everyone else claimed that she was cruel or that they enabled each other’s toxic behaviors. What, a guy couldn’t miss the one friend who’d been there for him through thick and thin? Getting back into a relationship (tentatively) actually didn’t suck as much as he thought it would, but it still stung that Adam couldn’t have Lute and Lucifer both there to support him.

Regardless of his mixed feelings, Adam still stood by in the lobby as they all waited for their Heavenly visitors. He hadn’t dressed up in anything fancy just yet since he was so used to following Abel’s lead for their costumes, and he was still kinda nervous about flying his true colors even if he’d never admit that kind of weakness to anyone besides his therapist and maybe his boyfriend.

A light shone upon them as a portal opened for Sera, Emily, and Abel to fly through. Adam barely paid attention to their greetings when they landed in front of Charlie and instead focused on their grinning faces. Did Sera look over at him, or was she trying to take in the whole scene? Did Abel look exhausted, or was it just the lighting? At least Emily seemed straightforwardly enthusiastic, throwing her arms around both Charlie and Vaggi while they returned her embrace.

Adam wasn’t sure when exactly he was supposed to butt in, but he didn’t have to wait long for Abel to look around the rest of the room and do a double-take upon seeing him standing there. When Abel just continued staring with wide eyes, Adam decided to take the initiative and stepped forward. “Hey, how’s it hanging?”

Abel just froze, and Adam worried that maybe rising from the dead and seeing his kid again was the type of situation where he needed to reintroduce himself with something more formal or dramatic. Sera looked his way with a warm smile, though, and Emily shouted, “Oh my gosh, is that Adam?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” Adam replied with a nervous chuckle. “Uh, so you know how you guys got a redeemed sinner up in Heaven now? Turns out it goes the other way too, and now I’m in Hell ’cause of all the murder. You know how it is.”

The sisters had near-identical puzzled frowns, presumably because they did not, in fact, know how it is. Sera spoke up to say, “Well, it’s very—”

“Holy shit!” Abel, shockingly, cut her off. “Dad? You’re alive?”

Adam held his arms out in a kind of shrug. “Well, yeah, like I said—” He did not get the opportunity to repeat himself when Abel nearly barreled him over with a hug, his son’s arms squeezing him so tightly he was worried his ribcage would collapse. Of all the ways he’d died thus far, that’d probably be the worst if only because Abel would end up crying even more than he already was.

“Oh, God, I thought I’d never see you again!” Abel looked up with tears running down his face, and Adam awkwardly patted him on top of his head. “I thought I was hallucinating just now until Emily said you were actually here.”

“Why the fuck would you be hallucinating?” Adam brought his other hand up to Abel’s chin and moved his face side to side for a better look. “Shit, I knew you looked tired.”

Abel pulled away from his father’s grip, no longer crying though he still looked uncomfortable. “Yeah, uh, I’ve been under a lot of stress recently, you know, thinking you were dead and having to lead the exorcist army and all that.”

“Yeah, I wanted to ask about that. Why did you get put in charge and not Lute? Feels like she’d be the more obvious choice.” The angels all looked at each other nervously, and Adam felt his stomach drop. “She’s not hurt or anything, is she?”

“No, she’s physically fine,” Sera assured him.

“But mentally unstable,” Abel muttered, and Sera looked down at him sharply while Emily grimaced.

A laugh startled out of Adam. “Well, that’s nothing new. She’s always been one intense bitch.”

Abel raised an eyebrow, still frowning. “She’s taken your death really badly, Dad. Your old office is a mess.”

“Hey, as long as she left my guitars alone, she can do whatever she wants with the place.” Adam grinned— until Abel started squirming. Through gritted teeth, he growled, “Abel.”

“She attacked me with it like it was her own sword! What was I supposed to do, tell her to just chill out or something like that?” Abel glared at his dad, which Adam might have felt proud about in any other circumstance.

“Yes, that’s exactly what you do! She always gets real intense about everything, so you gotta deescalate before shit hits the fan.” Despite Adam’s totally reasonable advice, Abel seemed unimpressed.

“You know that only worked for you because she’s in love with you, right?” Abel asked pointedly, and Emily gasped while everyone else looked varying degrees of shocked or disturbed.

Adam scoffed in disbelief that his very own son would say that kind of shit. “You don’t think a man and a woman can be friends? I expected better from you, Abel.”

“Wha— no!” Abel’s head swiveled back and forth between an irritated Adam and a now perplexed Emily. “That’s not what I meant!”

“Then I don’t know what you meant, because Lute’s been my best friend for years now. I love her, and that’s a different kind of love from what I feel for the person I’m in love with.” Adam hoped that would help explain it, but the bewildered expressions he got in response didn’t seem promising. “What’s not clicking?”

“The person you are in love with? Like, present tense?” Abel asked, and fucking Christ, Adam had no idea how he kept doing this shit.

“Uh, I mean…” He shifted his gaze away with a nervous chuckle. “I’ve kind of been seeing someone? I didn’t know how you’d feel about it since it’s been a long time since me and your mother, uh…” He trailed off and looked back up to see his son staring at him with a surprised smile.

“No, this is great news, Dad! I was worried you were, like, traumatized after everything that happened on Earth, so this is a huge relief.” Adam returned Abel’s smile and privately resolved to save the whole therapy talk for another time.

Emily looked around with a small grin. “Is it someone from the Hotel? Is she here?”

Adam rubbed at his neck, his face flushing as he told himself that there was probably no better time for him to have this conversation. “Uh, he’s here, yeah.”

Emily and Sera looked pleasantly surprised at that, much like the Hotel residents. The ones who already knew obviously hadn’t expected him to come out so soon, and the ones who didn’t know simply turned to each other in mild confusion. He knew the Hotel was a pretty welcoming place in comparison to a lot of the other sinner-populated areas, but it was nice to be reminded that his sexuality was no real big deal to them.

Abel, in contrast, actually seemed delighted. “Finally! I thought you’d never come out!”

“Fuck you mean, ‘finally’?” Adam snapped, the heat in his face only rising. “I’ve been hiding this shit for thousands of years, don’t act like you already knew!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Abel said with a distinctly unapologetic smile. “It’s just, you know, it was kind of obvious? Like that time I told you I wasn’t interested in guys, and you were totally shocked about it?”

“Because I thought you were in the closet!” Adam stared in horror as his son just shrugged. “You mean I’m gayer than you?”

Abel laughed. “Well, if you wanna put it that way—”

Adam cut him off by raising both hands to pinch each side of Abel’s still smiling face. “Grown-ass man, bullying your dead gay dad! You should be fucking ashamed!”

Abel just continued laughing, and Emily moved closer with a clearly puzzled yet relieved smile to ask, “So, um, are we going to meet your boyfriend?”

Adam pulled his hands back in surprise, and his son rubbed at his own face with a grin while the first man’s gaze drifted to look over at Lucifer standing back in the shadows. He knew the devil wasn’t as enthusiastic as everyone else was to see their visitors, but he’d stayed by the edges to be there for his family. The fact that his family apparently included Adam now was something he never wanted to take for granted, and he wouldn’t push him to be a part of something Lucifer wasn’t ready for.

Sera, unfortunately, caught where Adam had looked to, and her eyes widened in shock when she saw Lucifer. That reaction seemed to have just emboldened him since he smirked in response and vanished in a swirl of energy only to reappear at Adam’s side, one hand outstretched to Abel while he snaked his other arm around his boyfriend’s waist. “Well, howdy there! Name’s Lucifer, I take it you’ve heard of me?”

Abel’s mouth twisted into a disdainful frown. “Nothing good.”

“Abel, be nice,” Adam scolded. He turned to Lucifer, who looked taken aback. “And don’t scare my kid, babe.”

Abel looked appalled. “You mean this isn’t a joke? You’re dating the fucking devil?”

Even Emily’s smile seemed hesitant, though she at least acted happier than the other two. “Well, I think it’s very sweet that you two have finally put aside your differences and found love.”

Abel groaned, his eyes focused still on the two men in front of him. “Em, it’s great that you see beauty in everything, but this is my dad and Lucifer we’re talking about here.” He looked down in terror and grabbed the side of his head with one hand. “Oh man, Lute’s gonna actually kill someone if she hears about this.”

“You don’t know that.” Abel looked up incredulously at his dad, and even Emily seemed uncertain. “Look, just bring her down here, and I can talk to her. She’ll hear me out.”

“Do not bring Lute here,” Vaggi finally cut in with a steady glare.

Adam shrugged her warning off. “Then take her back to Luci’s place. No one to catch in the crossfire there.”

“My place?” Lucifer repeated. “Adam, I love you, but we are not letting your evil BFF come to my house.”

“I love you too,” Adam said as he took Lucifer’s hands and ignored Abel’s grimace. “And I want nothing more than for my boyfriend and best friend to both be happy. Please? I won’t ask you for anything ever again.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Lucifer said seriously, though Adam could tell the pleading was working from the way he softened. “But, fine, we can let her visit for a bit. Not overnight.”

Adam leaned down to quickly kiss Lucifer and turned back to his son, who was looking away with his arms crossed over his chest. “Fuck yes! I’m gonna drag Lute to Pride kicking and screaming if I have to!”

Pride that year may have been the result of a lot of tears and a little bloodshed, but Adam could honestly say that it was the happiest he’d ever been in his life. Lute threatened to toss his phone under the parade floats’ wheels if he took any pictures of her, but holding her by his side as he kissed his boyfriend and wore matching outfits with his son in the right colors was an experience he would have never imagined for himself.

Charlie and Vaggi seemed content enough with the fact that Lucifer was happy, and they got along with Abel as they figured out what their new family structure was going to be like. Adam suggested maybe introducing the women to all his other kids and grandkids and so on, and they said they’d think about it (Charlie a little more enthusiastically than her fiancée). Lilith even spoke to them, and she actually sounded so sincere when she said she was glad that he and Lucifer had each other that he wondered what the hell actually happened with her over the last seven years and if maybe they had all changed in some way.

(Maybe a little self-reflection wasn’t that bad, but Adam would be damned again before he openly admitted that.)