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Eager to see Anthony, Asa hummed as he climbed the stairs two at a time. He wasn’t expected back so early that day, but there had been few customers at the bookshop, so he was able to spend the afternoon doing what he had planned to do that evening after closing.
He quietly opened the door to Anthony’s apartment so as not to startle his lover, who was supposed to have already returned from university.
But he was the one taken by surprise when he heard music coming from the back of the apartment as he closed the door behind him.
It was the sound of a guitar.
It wasn’t coming from a speaker or the TV.
It was being played by someone.
He furrowed his brow, wondering who could be playing it so well.
Asa silently hung up his coat, took off his shoes, set his bag on the floor, and strode toward the living room where the sound seemed to be coming from. He approached slowly and saw that the door was slightly open.
Leaning over to look through the half-open door, he gasped in surprise, but the music muffled the sound.
He couldn'thelp himself and mouthed, "Anthony..."
Anthony was playing the guitar.
The notes that echoed off the apartment walls flowed from his fingers.
Asa was mesmerized.
Anthony didn’t see him. His eyes were closed as if he were transported by his music so Asa could watch him to his heart’s content.
His lover’s silhouette was outlined by the warm light of the setting sun streaming through the window, softening his features. Anthony had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, and Asa found it hard to tear his gaze away from the muscles moving beneath his skin as he strummed and plucked the strings of his guitar.
Asa hardly dared to breathe, not wanting to disturb this special moment. He leaned silently against the doorframe, continuing to watch and listen. Anthony seemed so free and uninhibited when he played. It was just him, his instrument, and his music. Asa was so entranced by Anthony’s long fingers dancing across the strings that he didn’t notice when his lover opened his eyes and became aware of his presence.
He didn’t realize that Anthony had seen him until the music stopped abruptly. He looked up to find Anthony watching him through the half-open door. Their eyes met, Anthony’s gaze betraying his embarrassment at having been caught off guard.
Asa asked softly, "May I come in?"
Anthony nodded and gently set his guitar down next to him on the couch. Once Asa had entered the room, Anthony simply opened his arms and said a little sheepishly, "I guess the cat's out of the bag."
Asa smiled back, unsure what to say. He took a step forward as Anthony continued, "You've discovered another one of my secrets. It seems I can’t hide anything from you when it comes to myself. Not that I’m trying to hide anything from you.”
Although there was no resentment in Anthony’s voice, when Asa approached and sat on the armrest, he couldn’t help but apologize.
“I’m sorry. If you'd like, I'll leave. I understand that this might be something you don’t want to share. You’re entitled to your own secret gar-”
Anthony shook his head, placed a finger on Asa’s lips, and said, "No, that’s not it... or rather, it isn’t anymore."
His expression softened as he continued, “I used to play because it let me disconnect from everything else, when things got a little too much in there.” He made a small swirling motion with his hand near his head and added, "I'd lose myself in the music for a moment and put my racing mind on pause."
He paused, seemingly overwhelmed by emotion. Asa waited for him to compose himself before continuing. Anthony raised his hand and gently brushed Asa’s cheek. Then he resumed, "But now, there's you. You silence all the noise inside me. Ever since you’ve been here, I haven’t needed music to find inner peace. Today, I felt like picking up my guitar again, just to play for the sheer joy of it. For no particular reason.”
Asa leaned his cheek into Anthony’s hand and asked softly, “So, how did it go? How did it make you feel?”
Anthony smiled as he replied, “It was even better than before.”
Asa took the hand resting on his cheek, kissed the palm, and whispered, unable to hide his admiration, "In any case, from where I was standing, it was beautiful to see and hear."
Anthony smiled, his enjoyment of the praise evident on his face.
Asa added, "When you play the guitar, you’re just as gorgeous as when you make love."
He watched with obvious delight as Anthony’s cheeks flushed slightly. Then, it was Asa's turn to blush when Anthony replied with a look of gentleness and teasing in his eyes, "That's only natural since I was thinking of you while I was playing."
Then, pulling himself up slightly, he cupped Asa’s face in his hands and pressed his lips tenderly against his lover's for a kiss that lasted a few moments. When they parted, Asa asked softly, "Would you play for me again?"
Anthony seemed to think for a moment before nodding. He sat up straight, picked up his guitar, and Asa sat down next to him. Anthony took a few seconds to tune the guitar, and once he was ready, he raised an eyebrow at Asa and asked, “Any particular requests?”
Asa shook his head and replied gently, "Just let yourself be inspired. Play whatever you feel like."
Anthony nodded, thought for a few seconds, took a deep breath, and began gently plucking the strings.
Asa watched him with admiration, unable to hide his surprise when Anthony suddenly began to sing, looking directly at him.
Something in your eyes
Makes me wanna lose myself
In your arms
There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
This time, Anthony kept his eyes open throughout the entire song and stared intently at Asa. For the few minutes that the song lasted, they communicated their feelings through music alone. Asa marveled at the feeling of being included in another part of Anthony’s world.
When the final note faded from his fingertips and voice, their gazes were still locked.
The lyrics continued to echo like an invisible thread stretched between them.
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong