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The bell rings, signalling the end of the day’s final period. The students of 78 get up and begin packing up their things. Amongst the noise of zippers and rustling papers, nobody notices a clatter against the linoleum. Once ready, they make their way to the door.
“WAIT!” calls out Kiyotaka, bent over to grab the vape. He stands back up as everyone turns to look at him. “Who here has been vaping? No one’s allowed to leave until we find the culprit.”
Everybody stops in their tracks and turns around to look at Taka. Most discreetly pat their pockets to check if they’ve lost anything.
“What flavour is it? Maybe that will help determine whose it is!” Sayaka says, hoping he doesn’t take this as a confession.
Taka stares at her, mouth agape, as if she’s asked him to vape it himself. “What… flavour? What flavour?! They come in flavours?!”
“Uh, yeah man, of course they do. Who would wanna inhale straight nicotine?” Yasuhiro says bluntly. “That’d be stupid!”
Kyoko shakes her head. “Some people prefer it to an artificial flavour. I myself prefer it.”
“Kyoko, I’m so disappointed in you. I thought you were better than this, I can’t believe you smoke!!” Taka yells, shaking his head in disappointment.
“C’mon, man, don’t be like that. I’ve seen, like, everyone in here take a hit at some point,” Leon says, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.
“No way you have! I know my bro Mondo would never betray me like that, and I sure as frick haven’t!” Taka beams, before returning to his serious, ‘You guys are in trouble’ face.
Mondo sucks in air through his teeth. “Yeah… for sure, bro,” he lies awkwardly, not wanting to disappoint his boyfriend.
“Now that you know that they come in flavours, what flavour is it? I have swimming practice to do!” Aoi sighs, just wanting to be in the pool.
Taka stands, the vape clutched in his fist, his teeth grit. “I believe that someone will come forward. The flavour doesn’t matter, just… whoever lost theirs, speak up! We’re Ultimates, not hooligans.”
“I think what they’re trying to say is that these babies who need to suck on something like a pacifier have no idea whose it is, so they need you to tell them the flavour,” Celeste says with a haughty air, as if she thinks she’s better than them.
Kyoko scoffs. “Says the chainsmoker. My dorm smells like a back alley after you’ve been there.”
“Why would she be in your dorm, Kyoko?? That’s inappropriate!” Taka looks appalled at hearing this.
“Ooh, y’know, actually, pretty sure that’s Muku’s,” Junko grins, shoving Mukuro forward and turning to leave.
“Junko, I don’t vape… You know this,” says Mukuro.
Taka points to Junko, “Aha! You’re not going anywhere. In fact, everybody sit back down! We’ll stay here until the owner comes forward!” He moves his body in front of the door, locking it.
“Taka, bro, don’t do this. It’s just a vape, and we all have places to be. Can’t you let it go just this once?” Mondo says, throwing his arm around Taka’s shoulder.
Taka trembles, looking like he’s about to cry. “No… I can’t let this go… for… I need to protect the lungs of my classmates!”
“Hey, hey man, it’s fine!” Mondo rubs Taka’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. “Vapes aren’t as bad for you as cigs are, so it’s really got no effect! Just tell us the flavour, and then we can go study together.”
Taka shakes his head fervently. He raises his fist, looking at his closed fingers as if the vape will bite him if he loosens his grip to check the flavour.
“Bro, it’s okay, stop shaking,” Mondo says, trying to take the vape from him.”
“You two are useless,” Byakuya sneers from across the room. “Move. I have places to be.”
“No! I won’t move until I find out whose this is! I won’t let this go unreported,” Taka shouts at him.
“Narc!” Yasuhiro groans, sitting back down at his desk and laying his head on his arms, clearly going to sleep through this whole debacle.
Kyoko turns around and takes a quick hit of her vape due to the stress before turning back to Taka to talk him down. “If you tell us the flavour, we can tell you whose it is, and then you can report it.”
“I think we’ve established that he doesn’t want to check,” Celeste scoffs. Then she side-eyes Kyoko, making a small motion as she whispers, “Give me a hit, I swear to God.”
Kyoko passes her vape behind her back to Celeste before replying, “Yes, but we’ll never find out whose it is if he just keeps freaking out like this. We need to know all the details to solve this.”
“My love, that’s never going to happen. We live here now.” She turns and also takes a hit, nearly choking on the smoke due to the lack of flavour.
“She’s right though,” Sayaka pipes up. “It’ll be a lot easier if you check the flavour, so the people who do vape will know if it’s theirs or not.”
Taka grunts and, with the strength of a thousand suns, manages to open his hand. “Grape!” He reports before his hand snaps shut again like a venus fly trap.
“Hey, good job bro. I’m really proud of you for being able to do that,” Mondo praises, giving Taka a thumbs up. “Now, who here has a grape flavoured vape?”
“D- do you also co- congratulate h- him when he w- wipes his ass?” Toko looks at the boys with disgust.
“What, of course he doesn’t! That’s a normal thing everyone does! It’d be weird if he did,” Taka looks offended at the idea of him struggling at personal hygiene.
“You, however, would get an award for finally wiping yours,” Byakuya says to Toko.
“Th-thanks master…” Toko says, shrinking into herself.
“Guys!” Aoi yells. “The flavour! Grape! Who smokes a grape-flavoured vape?!”
“I don’t, I don’t like grape flavouring,” Chihiro says, shaking his head.
“CHIHIRO?!” Taka looks appalled. “S- smoking… I can’t believe it.” He holds his head in his hands. “Is this generation doomed after all?”
Chihiro looks ashamed, and hangs his head. “I’m sorry, Taka..”
“Everybody vapes these days,” Leon rolls his eyes. “This is stupid. You’re stupid! Let me outta here!”
“Not everyone! Mondo and I don’t!” Taka shouts back, as everyone in the class glances at each other, seeing as Mondo’s one of the people who vapes the most in the class.
“I hate to break it to you, Taka,” Sakura starts, “but Mondo vapes all the time. We’ve all seen it.”
Taka’s eye twitches as he looks over his shoulder at Mondo. “Y-you.. You WHAT?! Mondo, I thought you were better than this! I can’t believe you’d do this to me, but most importantly you lied about it!!” Taka screams.
“It seems we’ve come to the angst part of the episode,” Hifumi nods to himself as if making a very smart observation. “Miscommunication is so overdone, buuuuut I think we can make it work.”
“This isn’t angst, it’s my life being turned upside down! I thought I knew him, but it turns out he can easily betray me like this!” Taka chokes out a sob, shaking at this betrayal.
Junko sits on the nearest desk, having produced popcorn from some unknown place.
“Bro, I’m sorry, okay? I just didn’t wanna disappoint you,” Mondo says, reaching for Taka’s hand.
“It’s too late, Mondo!” Taka falls to his knees. “It’s… too late…”
Mondo crouches down, trying to grab his shoulder. “Bro, bro! It’s okay! I’ll quit for you!”
“50 bucks says he vapes again after three days,” Celeste leans over to murmur to Yasuhiro, knowing he can’t resist the thought of making money.
“No way! He wouldn’t betray Taka twice!” Yasuhiro replies, taking the bait.
“I thought we were trying to solve the vape mystery, not witness the breaking up of a gay relationship,” Mukuro looks confused.
“I think he just needs a moment, give him time. While we wait for him, what flavours do everyone have? I don’t use grape either,” Sakura asks.
Aoi nods determinedly. “Sakura vapes protein flavour! I, of course, smoke donut!”
“I don’t use a flavoured vape. They all taste like chemicals to me,” Kyoko states.
“So, of course, she just chooses to vape straight chemicals that taste different from the other chemical flavours,” Celeste rolls her eyes. “I myself only smoke cigarettes.”
“I don’t smoke,” Mukuro says, “And Junko doesn’t like the grape ones either.”
Junko nods passively as she examines her nails. “Vapes don’t really do much for me anyway. Once you smoke meth you, like, can’t go back.”
“You smoked meth?!?!” Taka screams, sounding like he’s in agony. “Why would you do that?!”
Junko grins. “Yeah, I bet that is too intense for you, isn’t it, pussy?”
“I’m not a.. a coward!!” Taka cries, grabbing onto Mondo for comfort.
Leon shoots an odd look at the two boys at the front. “I have a lot of flavours. Can’t remember ever buying grape, though. I got, uhhhhhhh, birthday cake, cherry, lemonade, strawberry banana, strawberry kiwi, sour apple, berry bliss, cool mint, mango, frozen watermelon, orange mint, blue razz ice, coffee, gummy bear, pineapple coconut, skittles, Hawaiian punch, vanilla, chocolate ice cream, passion fruit, cactus lime, peppermint cream, tropical melon, peach lemon, popping candy, orange slush, vanilla cupcake, blueberry cotton candy, watermelon cotton candy, strawberry cotton candy, violet, beach day, orange soda, cafe mocha, juicy peach, mixed berry, and green explosion.
“Good lord, Leon, what the hell? Celeste looks shocked at the extensive list. She knew he was a loser, but not that big of one.
Leon shrugs, rubbing the back of his head. “Is that a lot?”
“You have more than thirty vape flavours, Leon,” Celeste shakes her head.
Hifumi points his finger up in the air. “I only vape one flavour and that is… dun dun dun da da da! Pretty princess blossom girl!”
“No one gives a shit what you have, Hifumi,” Junko laughs.
Sayaka hides her giggle behind her hand. “I don’t like to vape, but if somebody has something like cotton candy, I might take a hit.”
“I- I don’t vape, that’s for s-stupid people who need c-childish flavours..” Toko says.
Byakuya sneers as he pushes his glasses up his nose. “Not that I want to relate to… that, but I also don’t vape.”
“I smoke green apple, so it’s not me,” Makoto chimes in.
The room is silent for a few long seconds before Mondo yells, “Somebody’s fuckin’ lying!”
“Well, it’s not me,” Chihiro says.
Toko bristles. “I- if nobody a-admits to it, I s- swear I’ll…”
“You swear you’ll what?” Byakuya snaps at her.
“Nothing!”
“If someone doesn’t own up soon I’m going to miss practice!”
“This is so fucking stupid.”
“Who’s lying? It’s probably Leon!”
“It’s gotta be Mondo’s!”
“It’s not my fucking vape!”
“I’m gonna bust down the door, I swear.”
“Just let us out already!”
“I wanna go back to my dorm!”
“I’m sick and tired of all of this!”
Taka suddenly stands and hops onto the surface of a nearby desk. “GUYS!”
Everyone turns to look at him. “What?”
He sniffles, his bottom lip trembling. “This…” he holds up the vape, “thing is tearing us apart! Can’t you see what we’ve become?!”
“My bro’s right! We’re fighting each other over this.. Disgusting stick!” Mondo shakes his head.
Aoi and Chihiro look as if they’re hearing the most inspiring speech ever told. The rest of the class looks exasperated.
There’s a knock at the door.
Taka startles as if a gunshot had rung out, falling from the desk and landing like a dead bug.
Mondo runs over to him, holding him like a wounded soldier. “Taka! Talk to me, bro! Tell me you’re still with us!”
Taka blinks blearily, trembling hand slowly reaching out to cup the side of Mondo’s face.”Bro… I… s- see the light…”
The pounding on the door gets even louder, and Aoi walks over and opens the door.
Kokichi stands there with a grin, hands behind his head casually. “What’s going on in here? My class heard yours three doors down.” He pouts dramatically.
“Someone dropped their vape, and no one will own up to owning it…” Taka says, weakly.
Kokichi peers around Aoi’s body to look at Taka. “What’s up with him?”
“He’s freaking out over the vape, and he also found out that his boyfriend vapes,” Aoi shrugs.
“Oh. Thought I might’ve had to go get the nurse,” Kokichi snickers. “What’s the big deal, anyway? We’re in high school, not kindergarten.”
“What do you want? We just wanna leave the class, he’s kept us here for ages,” Aoi asked, looking fed up.
Kokichi looks at Aoi like she’s stupid. “The door is open. He’s writhing on the floor. Just leave.”
“Yeah, he’ll find a way to punish us if we do. We just need to find out whose vape this is, and everyone’s denying smoking grape.”
“Hmmmmm, grape…” Kokichi thinks hard for a few seconds. “I definitely remember seeing a grape-flavoured vape in this room before…”
“I’ve never even seen you in this classroom before. When have you ever been here?”
Kokichi shrugs. “Eh, why’s it matter? And anyway, I think gay boy over there is dying.”
“No, he’s just like that. Just tell me why you’re here or go away.”
Kokichi grins widely. “Oh, I think I just remembered something really important…”
Aoi’s hands tighten in frustration. “What? What did you remember?”
“Just that I threw it in here when I passed by earlier. Sorryyyyyyyyyyyy,” He giggles.
“You piece of shit!” Aoi yells, slamming the door in his face before stomping over to Sakura. “It wasn’t anyone here's vape.”
“Huh?” Taka says weakly. “I think my hearing is already going. I don’t have much time left…”
“Bro, it was some kid from another class’s vape! You’ll pull through! Don’t die on me, bro!” Mondo says, caressing Taka’s face.
“I’m suing,” Byakuya mutters under his breath, promptly being the first to leave.
After Byakuya, everyone else trickles out, except for Mondo and Taka, the former crying over the latter's still body.