Work Text:
The side of Coco’s pen bit into the side of her finger sharply. She winced, breaking away from the seal she’d been drawing to shake out her hand. She’d never been able to stop the habit of holding her pen too tightly and today was no exception.
Her entire hand was cramped, covered in callouses and inflamed skin and ink. She stretched it out, hoping that a quick break was all she needed to continue drawing, but when it twinged again she knew she had to stop. She’d learnt from experience that if she pushed past this point she’d be left with a hand brace and weeks without drawing at all.
She couldn’t afford that.
Resting her pen on the desk brought awareness to the rest of her body—the soreness to her eyes, the pounding in her head, the aching pain in the back of her neck and shoulders where she’d stayed hunched over for too long. As though he were right beside her, she could hear Qifrey’s concerned words to take it easy, reminding her that pushing too hard would only break her body, if not her spirit.
But it was hard to put those words into practice when she felt so behind. When there was still so much more to learn about magic—the good and the bad. Despite the fact that, more than once, she’d begun to doubt whether she wanted to learn more about magic at all.
But she pushed through. Because she had to. Because she was the only one who could save her mother, and if she failed, she’d forever be lost. And Coco wanted to bring colour to this world, even if it were only a little a bit. Even if she was starting to doubt she could. Even with the dread that gnawed at her stomach, worsening with each passing day.
She clenched her fist hard and only just bit back the hiss of pain that brought. Cradling her pulsing hand to her chest, she took in a shaky breath and looked over to where she always did when she needed a distraction—a way to centre herself, to calm her down: Agott.
Agott was hunched over her own work, brows drawn together and a slight flex to her jaw where she chewed at her inner cheek. In the low lamplight, Agott’s lashes drew longer casting shadows down her face. Her curly hair looked softer too, though messy at this time of night from too many frustrated swipes of her hand. It was endearing. Coco felt the urge to tuck one particularly intrusive curl behind Agott’s ear.
She watched Agott draw unblinkingly, staring at the efficient and succinct sweeps of her hand, every movement with a purpose. Coco suspected Agott held some self doubt, though she didn’t know the full extent of it. Only grasping clues here and there from the rigidness in Agott’s back, the frustrated comments she sometimes muttered under her breath and the long hours of studying even after perfecting a spell. But despite that, Agott’s drawing always held firm and true, reflecting all her effort and diligence—some aspects of magic mastered, and pure determination making up for what she hadn’t. The determination that inspired Coco to keep trying too.
As always, Coco couldn’t look away. And as always, she felt the tension in her shoulders loosen and her heart beat slow, her mind clearing at the sight of Agott.
She was just so… reliable. No matter what happened, no matter what was going on in Coco’s head, she knew she could look over to see Agott scribbling diligently, brows drawn and eyelashes long and fluttering…
She watched as secretively as she could, but knew she didn’t have much time. Whenever she stared for too long Agott always noticed eventually. The first time she’d been caught, Agott had snapped, “Shouldn’t you be studying your textbooks instead of me?” with a glare so fierce Coco had whipped her head away and squeaked a “sorry!”
She’d lost count of how many times it had happened since. Most led to glares and sharp comments like the first but as time passed and they slowly became friends, Agott approached her stares with curiosity. “What’s wrong?” she’d ask. “Are you feeling alright?”
Coco would nod her head thoroughly before burying herself back into her work, trying to ignore Agott’s gaze on her.
Recently, however, there’d been another change. A change that made Coco reconsider her actions.
As much as the staring calmed Coco it seemed to be having the opposite effect on Agott.
A few weeks ago, Coco had been staring at Agott to calm herself as usual, taking in the shine of her curls and the sweep of her eyelashes when Agott turned to look at her. Agott had blinked once before turning a startling shade of red, trying to hide herself behind her hands. “Is there something on my face?” she’d squawked and Coco had had to insist there wasn’t with no greater explanation for why she’d been staring.
Ever since then, Coco’s stares had been met with a flustered Agott. Each time, it took ages for the rustling of pages and the scratches of Agott’s pen to resume their usual rhythm—for Agott’s focus to sharpen again.
There was only one explanation: Agott found her stares distracting.
Coco wasn’t sure what had brought up the change, but she’d felt guilty ever since. Agott was the best student one could find. Not once had Coco seen Agott take a day off studying, and yet, for about thirty minutes after catching her staring, Agott would sit at her desk, and not do anything productive. She certainly went through the motions of it—flicking through textbooks, taking sketches of theory, practicing drawing circles.
But Coco had stared enough to know that Agott wasn’t taking in any of the words, that any of her attempts to practice held no true intent.
And… her cheeks remained flushed.
Coco had vowed not to do it again. Agott was the most ambitious person she knew and she didn’t want to be the one responsible for distracting her from her dreams. And she didn’t want to make her… uncomfortable.
But every so often, when her head ached and her mind was frazzled and all she wanted was her mother’s warm embrace, she fell into bad habits. She let herself soak in the sight of Agott. Even though it left her with the vague feeling she was doing something wrong.
Now wasn’t any different.
Agott worked studiously at her desk, so focussed she hadn’t taken notice of Coco’s staring yet. Briefly, Coco wondered what Agott did when she needed to relax. If her methods were any similar to Coco’s. The thought made her itch for some reason.
Eventually, Agott’s brow relaxed a smidge and then she blinked, leaning back in her chair to press her pen to her lips. A small satsified smile was forming there. Coco recognised that smile. Agott must have made a breakthrough—that smile all she was allowing herself in her victory.
It was one of Coco’s favourite smiles of Agott’s.
One thought came to mind.
“Pretty.”
“What was that?”
Coco startled at Agott suddenly looking her way.
Then the realisation came—she’d said it aloud.
Oops.
Suddenly face to face with Agott’s intense stare, a stupid lie slipped from her lips. “The flower! On the window sill! Is very pretty!” She pointed at it, and tried not to let her arm drop.
The flower had been pretty, once, but it was long due for replacing, and now its petals were sagged and browned and drooping.
Suspicion lined Agott’s face as she looked between the flower and Coco. “Okay…”
“Um, goodnight!” Coco squeaked and all but ran out the room, panic overtaking her.
Usually they stayed up well into the night. Just the two of them in the quiet stillness, long after everyone else had gone to sleep. It would be a lie to say she’d never stayed up for that purpose alone, even after her brain stopped working and her hand had cramped painfully. She loved spending time with Agott, even if it came to the detriment of her sleep schedule (sorry Olruggio).
“Sleep well,” Agott said quietly, just audible in Coco’s haste to get away.
Her heart pounded as she scrubbed at her face and brushed her teeth too hard. It continued even after she’d changed and slipped into bed. After all that trouble to calm down before, her heart couldn’t stop racing.
Why was she freaking out so much?
She clutched at her pillow, trying to make sense of her head. She thought Agott was pretty, so what? It wasn’t a surprise. Anyone would take one look at Agott and think the same thing—she was smart and determined, and had lovely eyes and long eyelashes, and she had the rarest but most beautiful smile Coco had ever seen.
She could go on about it forever.
Pretty.
Agott was so pretty.
The thought calmed her.
It was so obvious—so reliable, just as Agott was.
She thought of Agott until her eyes started drooping and her brain went fuzzy with sleep.
Coco couldn’t wait to tell her mother all about her.