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Jinu's socked feet padded against the hardwood floor of his apartment as he walked towards the door leading to his balcony. He slowly opened the sliding glass door so as to not wake up his friends and animal companions. He closed it just as carefully, breathing in the cold night air and breathing it out. He let himself spare a glance at the minimal items placed around the area. There was a lounging chair on the right of him and a couple of plants beside it. There was a black mat placed in the middle of the balcony as well. Just something to give the small area more life as they refused to have their home look boring.
With a chuckle, he walked up to the barrier that went just above his waist and leaned his forearms on it, adjusting the placement for better comfort.
He glanced up at the sky, smiling at the sight that greeted him.
There were millions of stars as far as the eye can see shining brightly over the currently quiet city of Seoul. They looked like something out of a fairytale. As if the stars themselves had some sort of story to tell, and only those with willing eyes could be a witness.
Perhaps that's why Jinu found himself staring up at them on this particular night. It's not an uncommon activity—it never was. For most nights, when his friends and animal companions were practically dead to the world, Jinu would make his way to the balcony of the semi-large apartment they managed to get a hold of a while ago and simply stare at what the sky had to offer.
When he couldn't get out of his own head, this helped. He couldn't possibly figure out why out of all possible activities, something as simple as stargazing could calm him, but it did. It always did. So now, with his black hoodie to shield him from the cold, his sleeves pulled up to his elbows, he was here. Staring. Just like other nights. These stars, Jinu noticed a long time ago, were very reminicsent of the ones he would stare at when he was human. There was beauty in that. The fact that even though hundreds of years have passed, the stars never changed.
He couldn't possibly count how many times he stared at this exact glittering night sky lifetimes ago, playing many beautiful and familiar melodies on his bipa while praying for a better day when he would next go out into the cruel world.
The shapes the stars created that he had heard in passing long ago never changed. Even with everything he knew now—advancments in science and how everything up above works—he couldn't help but find beauty in the fact that these stars, possibly the exact same ones he stared at long ago, didn't change. Every constellation was there. Constantly. Maybe they never would change.
He raised a hestiant hand up towards the sky, tracing a shape with his finger. He decided to go with his bipa, somehow keeping track of what it looked like while other stars surrounded the object. Once he finished, he smiled softly, lowering his hand and letting it rest on the barrier.
A small thing. Something as simple as tracing his beloved instrument probably shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's something he could always do, after all.
Did that matter? Probably not.
He began to trace more shapes, keeping the final image in his mind so he could follow along properly. Other than his bipa, he started on drawing Derpy and Sussie, then a less than decent attempt at the Saja Boys. The final result had him chuckling, but he kept himself quiet to make sure he didn't wake anyone up.
It would've been nice doing this with his family, had they not been dealing with everything else going on in their lives.
Slowly, Jinu's gentle smile turned to a frown. He's old. Older than he should be, really. Yet he looked the same as he did all those years ago.
Back when the stars were just a little bit younger, when the world was slightly less advanced, still learning, and when his family was still alive.
The inky blackness of the sky glittered with millions of beautiful stars never ceased to amaze him. Both in the past, and now, that feeling never changed.
He wondered, long ago, what secrets they held when he found himself playing his bipa on the safety of his tattered porch while the stars were his only companion. He prayed that he'd experience this beauty more in a more comfortable space, where he wouldn't have to fight for his life every agonizing day.
He didn't have to fight anymore. He's okay.
He and his friends have long since escaped their lives under Gwi-Ma's influence, have long since made up with and became better aquainted with Huntrix and settled in easily with their lives in the human world.
His mother and sister fought until the very end. This, he knew for sure.
A dry chuckle escaped him, and he spared a glance down at his bare arms. Unlike the sky, the things he had done to his own skin—unpaid labor that yielded almost nothing and simple self inflicted scratches on hard days—was not a thing of beauty. Neither were his patterns. He could not escape the actions that had turned him into this, and oh, did it hurt to look at. The scars were, frankly, ugly. The patterns less so. Nothing compared to the beauty up above. This, Jinu told himself, was a reminder of both his life as a human, and the first few years as a demon.
He forced himself to look back up.
"Would you have enjoyed these stars too?"
The question was soft as he spoke it into the night. As if somehow, his mother and sister were here. Listening but unable to answer. Surely they would've. Nature was always something to be appriciated, and seeing this, unchanging from the last four hundred years would've blown them away.
He silently hoped they would respond. A whisper of something, at least. Even if it was just one word.
The night breeze blew through his hair, and he closed his eyes so they wouldn't get irritated. Once the breeze passed, he made himself comfortable again as he continued staring up at the stars. Something inside him stuttered.
"Yes?" The single word came out in a quick breath, his voice small and hopeful.
The breeze blew by again, and Jinu managed a smile.
The stars themselves seemed to glow just a little bit brighter. Not a lot, but just enough for him to notice.
He hoped that the modern people of this world would appriciate these stars as much as him. Many act as if they weren't anything special, that it's simply another aspect in nature that didn't deserve recognition for its beauty.
Fools.
He really did wish his family could've seen this.
He could almost imagine it. If they were here, possibly living a more comfortable life than back then, maybe the three of them would've made it a habit to see the stars every night. Maybe his sister would learn and memorize the many constellations and read them out once spotting one. Maybe they all would've made their own constellations, laughing at any silly names they'd make up.
He could imagine it so clearly.
Instead of worrying about when and how'd they get the money for their next meal, they could've had this.
It could've been possible, had he put in more effort. But Jinu was a fool. He ruined it for them, so he gazed upon these stars without them by his side, with only memories to keep him company.
The tears were falling before he could even realize it. Yet he still stared, wondering if in some other life, when circumstances were less cruel, he would still have a chance to have this with his family. Without being selfish, without causing them to live worse off just because he couldn't take it anymore.
He let out a shaky breath as his tears kept falling.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered. Did they know? Did they know how much he regretted that day? Did they know of the nightmares he suffered as a result? His companions from up above stayed still. A constant, just like back then, and even before that. He knows that millions of stars are birthed, and millions die, so maybe the few he gazed upon without realizing have long since passed. The few he could've witnessed with his family.
They are as fragile as they are powerful, and maybe that is where the beauty came from. People worship these stars, children wish upon them and hope their desires come true, and many people, like him, find companionship in them. Comfort.
Finally, finally Jinu managed a smile. It was small, broken, from losing the two people he pushed away for his own selfeshness, for causing oppurtunities like this to be missed.
The stars were so beautiful.
And tragic all the same.