Chapter Text
I’m huddled close to different clone, different vod. We sit on the tube-like rack, one just like the millions more that are on Kamino. Tup holds me close, and I’m happy to be with him. Especially after…no, Tup is fine. The training bolt that hit him in the sim only grazed his shoulder. Tup’s fine. My twin’s alright.
"Umm…Tup’ika…I’ve got a surprise for you." I say, smiling at him. Out of the two of us, Tup’s softer, and a little withdrawn from relationships with vod’e other than our batchmates. "What’s that, '22?" Tup asks curiously, huddling closer to me. "It’s two things, actually. But one has to wait until tomorrow, anniversary of our decantation." I add meaningfully. He perks up, nearly vibrating out of his skin. "You-you chose your name?" He asks, smiling widely when I nod. "Yeah. Tomorrow, vod’ika. I’ll tell you tomorrow." I say, jumping of the bunk and walking to the barracks door.
"Where are you going? We should be sleeping by now!" Tup hisses after me.
"So, I’ll violate one rule, it’s nothing so serious. I have to get something. I’ll be back soon." I say with a wink, leaving the room. From the corridor, just outside both Tup’s and the camera’s view, I climb into the ventilation shaft.
*****
I wince when the falling hatch clatters on the floor. But now, there’s no time for freezing up. I wildly search through white cabinets of the mess hall storage, I remember exactly where Tup’s favourite ration bars are stored. I snatch a couple of them, and I’m just about to leave to the vents again, when I hear footsteps behind me. I stop, shoulders sagging.
"What are you doing here, kih’vod? Kaminiise are near." The voice says. It doesn’t belong to any of the longnecks. I turn around. It’s 99, older clone, so I instantly relax.
"99. I just…my twin got hurt so I thought I’d bring something for him…" I stutter, eyes darting around, looking for kaminiise. Older clone chuckled softly. "Go quickly, then. The longnecks are already on their way to check what happened." 99 says, gesturing to the shaft. As I’m about to enter it, I hesitate, taking one of the ration bars out. "In case they capture me…can you give it to CT-5385, Tup?" I ask hopefully. 99 smiles and nods, taking it from my hand. "Of course, kih’vod. Now, run along." He says, and I comply, crawling back into the shaft. I hear the older clone locking the hatch behind me, plunging everything in darkness.
It feels like a small eternity when I finally leave the shafts. Now, there’s just one turn of the corridor and one door between me and '85-Tup. I start running, taking the turn and…I collide with a Kaminoan scientist, Nala Se. I freeze and my blood runs cold.
"CT-6922, what are you doing here?" She asks, but I can’t get the words out. I feel her cold eyes scanning me, fixing on my hand, in which, I realise, I’m still clutching the ration bar for Tup.
"Come with me, cadet." She says, and, with shaky legs, I follow her. I don’t know what’s going on, where she is taking me, but I wish I was with Tup, in the safety of our barracks.
*****
We arrive in the sterile white labs. My eyes dart around the room, breathing speeding up. I feel Nala Se ripping the ration bar out of my hand, and see her throwing it to the trash can. She then pushes me to lay down on a gurney, my legs wobbly. Nala Se tightly straps the restraints over my chest and legs. She attaches electrodes to my skull. I watch it with wide eyes, unable to control my breathing, trembling with fear.
I see the scientist walk away. I crane my neck as far as I can, and see Nala Se coming back, a hypo in hand. I shiver, whimper escaping from my throat. Are they decommissioning me? What are they doing to me? I want to scream, to let someone know that I’m here, but I can’t. Nala Se’s cold fingers turn my head to the side, and she injects me with the hypo. I feel drowsiness, nausea wrenching my insides. Then, a sharp pain shoots up in my head. Tup! Tup, please, help me! I feel hot tears streaming down my cheeks, vision blurry from pain. All I want is to pass out, stop feeling it. Instead, I feel emptiness, slowly expanding in my head. I whimper, thrashing on the cold table, but the straps keep me in place, as the memories leave my mind. I try to focus on Tup’s face, his name -my name I want to share with him - but it all slips away.
*****
I don’t know how long it’s been, but the nausea ends. The emptiness is over, too. I now remember who I am. A soldier. A clone trooper, that will fight for Galactic Republic. And I know that good soldiers follow orders.
When Nala Se, the person that created me walks me back to the barracks, I sit in front of the door until she leaves, and then enter.
Immediately, something small, approximately my size collides with me, causing me to stumble.
"Wh-where have you been, '22? I-I was worried, it’s been 10 hours!" The clone whispers, hugging me fiercely. I don’t know what to do, why is he hugging me, like we are close to each other? "What happened, '22? 99 came to me, said you gave him something for me." The cadet says, and I recognise him as CT-5385, my batchmate…and he takes out a ration bar, wrapped in blue paper. "I knew it’s from you, my favourite flavour…thank you, '22." '85 says, but his smile fades.
"Vod…what’s wrong?" He asks softly.
"I don’t know what you are talking about. I am a soldier, designed to fight for the Republic. My designation is CT-6922. Good soldiers follow orders." I say with a frown. It’s not my words that cause it. They feel…strange, leaving my mouth, but they are right. That is who I am and the right thing. '85 however, looks like he’s about to cry, his bottom lip trembling.
"Ori’vod! '64! I need your help!" '85 calls out, voice shaky. I don’t understand his reaction. It’s fine, nothing is wrong with me. If I had a defect, Kaminoans would fix it, and I’d be operational again.
I don’t know how I got there, but '85 and I are sitting on a bench by the wall and another clone is running in our direction, two more following after him. CT-6864, CT-5619 and CT-6834 stop few steps from us, confusion clear on their faces. I look at them blankly, awaiting whatever they want to say.
"We should get him to the medbay. Vod’e manned, no kaminiise." I hear '64 say determinedly. "Nothing is wrong. It would only be a waste of medical supplies, that, account to all regulations, are to be left for the ones in true need." I say calmly, attempting to get up, but CT-5385 and CT-6834 keep me in place.
*****
"He just…walked in like that, while few hours ago he was completely fine, leaving in the middle of the night, talking dismissively about regulations." CT-6864
I see the clone medic looking at both me and my batchmates with compassion, especially at '85, who’s holding my hand since we entered the medbay. I can’t understand medic’s reaction.
"I’m sorry, kih’vod’e. I…I cannot help him." Medic whispers, and I want nothing more than to scream that I’m fine, nothing’s wrong, except for their pointless concern. However, I stop myself, there’s no point in doing that, they probably won’t believe me either way. Once they decide something, they don’t change their mind, which annoys me in this case, though, I agree with the idea itself.
"Why? What…what’s happening with our vod?" It is '34 who asks the question, and I hear medic sighing in response. "Ni ceta, kih’vod’e. They…the kaminiise…they reconditioned him…" Clone says. I hear a stifled gasp from CT-6864 and CT-5619, followed by '85’s sob, as he squeezed my hand tighter.
"With all due respect, Sir, but you are mistaken. I’m a good soldier, therefore there was no need for the Kaminoans to do anything like that to me." I say, because the medic is wrong. They all are wrong. The medic places a hand on my shoulder.
"Very well then. What were you doing yesterday evening, before leaving the barracks?" He asks. I open my mouth to tell him, prove him that I’m right, but I don’t know how to answer. I don’t know what the answer is. Tup lets go of my hand and buries his face in medic chest, the older clone’s tunic muffles his sobs.
"Are you certain?" He chokes out, medic stroking his hair gently.
"I’m sorry, vod’ika. But…I’ve seen it before. I’m…I’m certain." He whispers, but I pay him no mind.
*****
We sit on a bunk. Really, I don’t know what to think. The medic said I’ve been reconditioned, but why? I don’t remember doing anything that could lead to it. I’m stiff, but as '85 worms himself closer to me, I find myself relaxing more, shoulders dropping slightly. '85’s head rests on my collarbone, while the rest of him mostly lays curled on my lap.
"Umm…'85? Can I ask you about something?" I say, my voice quiet and uncertain. '85 shifts, looking up at me, eyes wide. "Yeah, vod. Of course." He says in a small voice that still sounds like he’s on verge of tears.
"What happened last evening? What was I doing? How…what person I was?" I ask, part of me begins to allow the thought of being reconditioned to settle.
"We…we were sitting exactly like we are now…I was injured a little in a training sim, so you climbed to me to watch over me." '85 begins. I smile a little, waiting for him to continue.
"You told me about a surprise you had for me, your name. That you’d tell me tomorrow. Then you left, didn’t tell me where, and…" '85 sighs. My shoulders sag. I suspect what happened then.
"Thank you, '85. Really." I say, and I do mean it. '85 starts shaking. "T-Tup." He whispers.
"M-my name, '22. Tup." He repeats, now visibly crying, tears are dampening my tunic, but I can’t bring myself to care.
"Tup." I say, testing the sound of it. I like it, I think it suits him. "Where did the idea come from?" Tup cries harder at that. "You-you named me that. When I smuggled pudding from mess hall…Tupperware. Tup-for short." He whispered and I snort. So, that’s how CT-6922 used to be…when he still had a name…name he didn’t share with anyone… I think, fiercely hugging '85…Tup.
After few moments, Tup breaks the silence. "Umm…'22…do you remember it? Your name?" I think of it for a moment. I know where in my mind it used to be, but…there’s nothing except for emptiness. I don’t trust my voice to sound right, but I don’t have to speak. Tup seems to understand, because he curls closer on me as I start to softly cry with him, cry over something I don’t even know I lost.