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Sebastian drummed on his thighs in time with the rhythm of Sam’s song, one that was going to sound amazing with full band accompaniment. He already had a few ideas for keyboard riffs, or maybe bass would be better for this one. Either way, he was excited, and in awe that his boyfriend was so talented.
“Fuck yeah!” Abigail cheered while the last chord was still ringing out. “This is your best one for sure.”
Sam beamed, bouncing in excitement on the edge of his bed. “I think so too! It’s, like, just the right amount of anti-establishment without being all preachy. At least that’s what I was going for.”
Abigail nodded in enthusiastic agreement. “You nailed it. And this is, what, your fifth new one this week?” She flopped into a lounging position on the beanbag chair she’d claimed for the afternoon, so she could look at Sebastian head on. “All of your dorky-ass Solarion writing must be rubbing off on him.”
“Nice,” Sebastian sarcastically remarked. He flung a pencil from Sam’s desk at her for good measure.
Abigail rolled to the side so it wouldn’t hit her arm. “Real mature, Sebastian. Almost like you’re the teenager in the room.”
Sebastian could agree that she had a point, though he wasn’t about to admit it out loud. Besides, she deserved it for beating a long-dead horse. She’d never been shy about how lame she thought Solarion Chronicles was, no matter how many times he'd tried to explain the appeal. It was bad enough that his parents were making snide remarks about his new freelance coding job all the time. He didn’t need his friends ragging on his hobbies too.
He pulled the focus back to Sam before his frustration could boil over. “You have anything else to play for us?”
“Uh, let’s see…” Sam turned to the spiral notebook beside him and flipped through the pages, briefly considering a few of them before moving on. One page close to the front made him freeze in place for a moment, then slam the entire book closed. “Nope! I’m done.”
“Wait, what was on that last page?” Abigail asked.
“Nothing,” Sam answered too quickly.
“Bullshit.”
“No, seriously, it’s not worth getting excited about.” Sam rubbed at the back of his neck, guitar pick still pinched between his thumb and forefinger. “It’s one of the first songs I ever wrote, so it’s not even that good, and it’s not the right sound for the band anyway.”
Sebastian had never heard Sam talk badly about his own songwriting like that. In fact, he was still extremely proud of the very first song he’d tried to write, back when he was sixteen, and that mess was objectively terrible. There must have been some other reason why he didn’t want to play this one.
Abigail raised an eyebrow, clearly also not into those excuses. “Since when does the band have a sound? We don’t even have a name yet.”
Sam glanced to Sebastian, then hurriedly flicked his eyes to his guitar. “Just trust me, you won’t wanna hear it.”
Abigail picked up on the glance too. “So, it’s a love song? Why would you be all embarrassed about that? You two make out in public all the time.”
“I’m not embarrassed!” Sam protested, at the same time that Sebastian argued, “The rotting Community Center isn’t ‘in public’!”
“We’ll come back to that later,” Abigail told Sebastian. To Sam, she said, “Then what’s the issue?”
Sam pulled his guitar closer to his body. “It’s important, you know?” he mumbled down to the neck. “I really want it to be perfect, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get it there.”
Sebastian wasn’t used to seeing Sam this nervous, or seeing him nervous at all, really. It sucked. He wanted him confident again as soon as possible.
He wheeled the desk chair to the bed so he could rest his hand on Sam’s knee. “Play the imperfect version then.”
Sam snorted like that was ridiculous to suggest.
“Dude, you can’t tell your boyfriend that you wrote a song about him and then not let him hear it,” Sebastian said with a smirk. “Don’t hide it just because some other loser might not think it’s good.”
“Hey!” Abigail called in response to the insult.
They both ignored her. Sam gave Sebastian a long look instead, eyes bouncing all over the place like he was deep in thought. That was better than him being harsh on himself, at least.
Finally, Sam heaved a sigh and brought his hand back to the fretboard. “Okay, fine, here it is.”
He strummed the intro once, then twice, then a third time, each repetition more timid than his playing usually sounded. By the fourth pass, Abigail started doing “get on with it” hand motions. Sam made a face at her, but finally started singing after the fifth, warm voice stepping cautiously into a verse.
I remember the keys clutched in your hand
Happiness that they didn’t understand
Sebastian smiled as the memory came back to him: his eighteenth birthday, three years ago, when he drained almost all of his savings to buy his beat-up old motorcycle. His mom had been livid, and Demetrius wouldn’t shut up about how impractical it was. Sebastian hadn’t cared one bit. The potential for freedom alone made him feel better than he’d felt in years. He’d poured hours upon hours into getting that bike ride-able, with Sam assisting at his side, whenever he wasn’t stuck at school or JojaMart.
You were lighter than springtime air
You hid it under your jet-black hair, but
I could see all the bad thoughts fading too
Those lines made Sebastian’s heart catch in his throat. He’d always tried to conceal those “bad thoughts” when they were at their worst, before the teenage hormones mellowed out and he got out of high school. He didn’t want to burden his loved ones any more than he did just by existing weirdly.
Sam’s song didn’t sound burdened at all. His singing reached its typical confident heights as he finished the verse and transitioned into the chorus.
So fucking beautiful
Take me out on that midnight ride
We’ll soar through the night and see what we can find
In the world inside your eyes
“Damn, dude, who knew you were a secret sap?” Abigail commented over an instrumental break. Sebastian wished that he had another pencil to throw at her. He would’ve gone back to the desk to get one, but he was too transfixed by the second verse.
I remember you pulled me to your garage
Apologized like you took it all too far
Sebastian knew what that was about too. Only a few days after he turned eighteen, he confessed to Sam that he’d been dreaming about them moving to Zuzu City together after Sam graduated. It seemed crazy that he would entertain the idea, or even understand why Sebastian was proposing it. After all, Sam had already lived in the city once, and he liked Pelican Town a lot better. He liked his family a lot more than Sebastian liked his too. Plus, even if none of that was true, they were only teenagers at the time. Sam hadn’t even decided whether or not he wanted to go to a university yet. Sebastian had worried that trying to plan a real, adult future was going to scare him off.
I was hanging on every word
The greatest song I’ve ever heard
Inner peace that was always meant to be
Just like you and me
Of course, Sebastian already knew now that Sam wasn’t scared off. They’d stayed just as strong as ever, through the all-nighters Sebastian pulled to get his associates degree, and the rest of Sam’s high school education and new job, and everything in-between. Sam had even started the band with the hopes that playing gigs would get them enough money to move out faster. Still, the fact that he thought that conversation was inspiring enough to write about was a surprise, one that flooded Sebastian’s stomach with butterflies.
Take me out where they never go
We’ll find the taste of freedom down that road
We’ll be the only ones who know
It was true: nobody in the universe ever got Sebastian’s dreams like Sam did. Not only did he put in the effort to understand them from every angle, he also turned them into art. Sebastian was so stunned, he forgot that Abigail was in the room until she made exaggerated fake gagging noises over the bridge.
Love’s a funny thing
It turns the darkness sparkling
And it makes the masks come down
I want every face
I don’t care how long it takes,
I’ll follow you through any town
Sebastian shot Abigail his fiercest glare, the one he usually reserved to give behind Demetrius’s back whenever he got all critical. Thankfully, she kept her mouth shut while Sam finished the song, with a repeat of the first chorus.
Take me out on that midnight ride
We’ll soar through the night and see what we can find
In the world inside your eyes
With a few extra strums to round it out, Sam’s performance was finished. He smiled at Sebastian, hopeful eyes shining, fingers tapping anxiously against the strings. “What’d you think?”
Sebastian hardly let him finish the question before he pulled the guitar from Sam’s lap, set it safely in its stand at the foot of the bed, and straddled him in its place. He combed his fingers through Sam’s heavily-gelled hair. He kissed Sam, full on the lips, as if they were alone in a corner of the mildewy Community Center during a festival. It took Sam a second to catch up, but before long, he was kissing Sebastian back, hands finding their way to their favorite spot around his waist.
“Ugh, whatever, horndogs,” Abigail complained beside them. The faint, rustling sound of her getting up from the beanbag chair followed shortly after. “I’m gonna see if your mom needs help with Vincent. At least he’ll be civilized company.”
After she was gone, and after a few minutes of making out, Sebastian broke away to give his review. “I loved it so fucking much. It’s already perfect.”
Sam lifted one of his hands to brush Sebastian’s bangs from his face. “This is exactly what I wrote the song about,” he said, dazed, staring straight into Sebastian’s eyes. “You get this, like, spacey, far-away look sometimes, and this soft little smile, and I…”
They were kissing again before Sam could finish his thought. Sebastian didn’t need him to anyway. In that moment, all that mattered was that Sam could see him, and that he liked what he saw enough to sing about it.