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"I don't wanna go.” Jax sobs.
Pomni's arms tighten around his trembling, lanky form as he grips her tightly, the damp sensation of his digital tears soaking into her collar. Tears prickled in her own giant cartoon eyes and spilled down her cheeks.
He was finally letting her hug him. Opening up to her in ways he wouldn't let himself before.
Warm.
He was so warm.
Even though Pomni could dimly feel the pain of her physical body glitching outside and knew that she was on the verge of abstracting herself just by being here, in this dark void illuminated with brilliant pink light, the warmth of Jax's virtual skin and the weight of his body permeated her flesh and bone and surrounded her like a weighted blanket.
Warm.
Soft.
Solid.
Alive.
And she'll be damned if she was going to lose him now.
“Then don't.”
“H-huh?”
“Fight back.” Pomni says firmly, hugging him even tighter as a hot wave of protectiveness and determination flared up in her. “I said fight back! Come back to me. Come back to us.”
“I-I can't.” Jax says shakily and Pomni didn't think she had ever heard him sound so broken and defeated before. It broke her heart.
“Yes, you can.”
“It's too late for me, Pomni. I'm a lost cause.”
“No.” Pomni reaches up and grips his shoulders with her gloved hands, pushing him back a little so she could meet his gaze. “It's not too late to fix things, and you're not a lost cause.”
Her steely gaze softens and she reaches a hand up slowly and cups the rabbit's right cheek, her gloved thumb gently stroking the purple skin under his eye. “Please. Fight this. Don't give into this despair and madness and lose yourself. Come back to me.”
Jax's pupils expanded, nearly swallowing up the bright yellow, and then his eyes drifted shut and he leaned his face into her hand, so painfully tired and touch-starved.
“I…I can't! Don't you see? I deserve to abstract. I've caused nothing but pain and suffering here. After everything I have done, all the pain I have caused, I deserve this. ”
“No, you don't!" Pomni tapped his cheek so that he opened his eyes and looked into her enormous red-and-blue pinwheel eyes again, his pupils now tiny black scribbles. “You can still fix things. It's never too late to make things right and to make amends and to fix your mistakes. I know you want to, deep down. Don't give up. Fight this! Fight back!”
“Pomni, wake up!” Jax shouts in frustration and backs away, then groans in pain as his form starts to flicker and brighten, static erupting along his arms. Grabbing onto the sides of his head. “Aagh! There's no way to reverse this!”
“Jax!” Pomni wrapped her arms around him again, ignoring the pain of the static as it made contact with her body. “Jax! Calm down!”
Tears streamed down purple cheeks as the rabbit began violently flickering and the glow emanating from his body intensified. “H-hurts…”
“Don't give up, Jax!” Pomni shouted. “Please, try to fight back. You have friends who care about you. I care about you! Ragatha cares about you! So do the others. The Circus won't be the same without you!”
“P-Pomniii…let go…you will…abstract too…”
Pomni's own body was starting to flicker, but she refused to let go. Shoving her face into his chest firmly, squeezing him so tightly she might as well have been strangling him. “No! I am not letting you go! If you don't want me to abstract with you, then fight back. Fight back against the abstraction. Save us both!”
Jax whimpered as the light brightened even more and static erupted more violently over his body, beginning to crawl along Pomni's body as well. She tried to shut out the pain and keep all her focus on Jax. The darkness surrounding them started to quiver and shake and dozens of brightly-colored eyes blinked open, all focusing on Pomni.
“Come on. Come on.” Pomni said through gritted teeth, pulling Jax down so that he bent over and laid his head in her lap, running her hands tenderly over the top of Jax's head and along his long purple rabbit ears soothingly. “You can do it. You can fight this. I'm here and I am not leaving you. Come on. Come back to us. I...I love you, Jax. So, so much.”
A memory came to her, then, of the last time the two of them were genuinely happy and had fun together before the shit hit the fan. It was during that gun adventure when they were paired together and singing Daisy Bell outside of Zooble's room. It was the first time she genuinely had fun on an adventure and despite how awful Jax was and could be, he was still the only one who made her laugh and helped her come out of her shell and become more confident in herself. There was good in him that she could see and no way was she going to just let him go.
“I can’t…hold it back…anymore…” Jax panted, eyes turning into swirling psychedelic rainbows and pulsating hypnotically.
Pomni took a deep breath and began to sing.
“Daisyyy, Daisyyy,
Give me your answer dooo.
I'm half crazy all for the love of you.”
Jax's trembling slowly began to ease and the static and glow gradually began to fade, and shakily, breathlessly, Jax joined in.
“It won't be a stylish marriage,
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet,
Upon the seat of a bicycle built for twooo.”
They stayed like that for a while, singing the song over and over and over again, until suddenly, a bright white light burst out of Jax, illuminating the darkness of the mindscape around them, and Pomni was momentarily blinded. She felt something grab her by the shoulder and pull and a dizzy, disorienting rushing sensation, and the feeling of her body landing back on something hard; the sound of the golden bells on her red and blue jester hat jingling in her nonexistent ears, as well as grunting and heavy breathing around her.
“Pomni! Pomni! Are you okay?” Ragatha's voice as well as three others questioning her cut through the brain fog. She could also hear a series of soft hiccuping sounds that she realized were coming from her and her arms were tightly wrapped tightly around something.
Kinger's voice followed, sounding bewildered and proud. “Pomni. It's okay. You're both okay. You did it. You saved him.”
Pomni groaned as she felt something large and heavy and warm pressing into her abdomen. Her eyes snapped open and her heart pounded in her chest, simultaneously hopeful and afraid of what she might find. A choked, hysterical sob of relief trickled out of her when she saw that it was Jax. Her Jax. Whole and purple and rabbitlike again. No excess eyes or black jagged edges. He was back.
Well, his avatar was still glitching, as was hers, but he was back. Passed out with his head buried in her stomach and completely pinning her to the floor.
“Jax! Jax! You're back! You did it!” She cried, her small, thin arms wrapped tightly around him and hugging his head, pressing him closer to her so she could talk into his ear, softly stroking her hands down along his head and ears that lay flat against his back. “You did it. I'm so proud of you.”
“What the hell happened, Pomni?” Zooble inquired, Gangle crying softly beside them. “We heard a ruckus and Ragatha found you partially submerged within Jax's abstracted form, unresponsive and turning black, and we feared the worst. I was able to pull you out before you fully abstracted.”
“I'll explain later. I promise.”
Pomni said, rearranging herself into a more comfortable upward sitting position against a wall and shifting Jax, his cheek pressed into her thin leg. Petting him softly. She wasn't quite ready to let go of him just yet, half afraid that if she let him go he would abstract again or disappear in front of her eyes.
Jax let out a soft groan and one of his ears twitched, lightly brushing the underside of her chin, and he shifted his head a little, until two large yellow eyes, thankfully no longer rainbow colored, and so big that they took up the majority of his face, opened and blinked groggily up at her.
“Hey,” Pomni sniffled, smiling down at him. “Welcome back, asshole.”
“Hey, Pompom.” Came said asshole's raspy response.
She balled her hand into a fist and smacked it hard into his shoulder, glaring at him through big, shining teary eyes.
“Ow!”
“Don't you ever do that to me again, you asshole! Do you hear me? If you abstract like that again I will kick your skinny ass and drag you back to reality by those stupid long ears of yours! Understand?”
She watched as his pupils expanded into giant, twin black holes which made him look more like a cat than a rabbit, and a pink flush stained his lilac cheeks. He snorted and his mouth twitched in a tiny crooked smile. “Yes, ma'am.” His eyes shrank a little upon seeing the others. “Er…what are they doing here?”
Ragatha burst into tears and launched herself at Pomni and Jax, wrapping them both in a surprisingly strong bear hug, and then Kinger, and Zooble, and eventually Gangle approached and timidly joined in the group hug. Jax startled at first and tried to struggle and resist, but he eventually gave in and let himself be embraced.
She did it. He did it. They did it. Jax was okay, for now at least, they were all together, and she couldn't have been happier.
*****many weeks later*****
Pomni sat under a shady umbrella, wincing as she rubbed soothing lotion she conjured along her sunburned arms and body, courtesy of the particularly sadistic sun that seemed to hate her guts and turned her a cartoonishly bright shade of fire engine red.
Everyone was enjoying their time at the digital lake except her. She was in too much pain to really enjoy herself.
“Ugh! Stupid sun! Why does she have to be such a jerk?” Pomni grumbled, cursing and hissing in pain under her breath as she lathered herself with lotion.
She heard peals of laughter as Zooble and Gangle, who no longer wore her happy mask but smiled openly with her own face, splashed in the water. Pomni looked around at her friends. Kinger was intensely staring at a crab that was scuttling across the sandy shore while his wife, Queenie, scribbled something in a notepad she had conjured. They had their heads bowed and pointed at the crab every now and then, both fascinated by it. It was incredibly sweet to see them interacting and Pomni felt her heart grow warm in her chest.
Ragatha was riding farther up along the shore on her conjured horse, Butterscotch, laughing and looking more carefree than Pomni had ever seen her. Genuine happiness suited her very well.
There was a loud whoop and holler as the volleyball game between Jax, Ribbit, Kaufmo, and Scratch was intensifying. Tensions were high and Pomni honestly had no clue who was even winning, but they all seemed to be in good spirits. Especially Jax. The sheer elation and joy radiating off of him was infectious and it made Pomni smile watching him goof off with them.
It took a while for everyone to warm up to Jax and Zooble still hasn't fully forgiven him nor trusts him and Gangle still flinches if he moves too suddenly around her, but gradual progress was being made. His bonds with Ribbit and Kaufmo and Ragatha were repaired after he apologized to them and they grew to become friends again. Often working together to play harmless pranks on people, especially Ragatha.
He was making efforts to be better and Pomni and Jax both understood that not everyone will fully be comfortable around him or forgive him, but they were all they've got. They were a ragtag family now and she clung to hope that maybe someday all will be healed between them all.
All of the formerly abstracted people were returned to normal, thanks to Caine, who had somehow miraculously survived his deletion and came back and gave them free will to conjure and do whatever they wanted as an apology for his treatment of them, and Kinger, and many many intimate therapy sessions with the abstracted folks. Caine and The Moon were officially dating, which was still weird even to Pomni who thought she had grown used to weird things during her time at the Circus.
She was so distracted and lost in thought that she didn't hear the footsteps approaching.
“Hey, Pompom!” Jax said loudly to her left and she let out an ear-piercing shriek when she felt something smack onto her red back.
“Aaiieeee!!! Jax!!!” She yelped, back stinging like hell, and she aimed a fierce glare up at the rabbit as the bastard chuckled at her reaction, giving her one of his trademark shit-eating grins. “Why the hell did you do that, you jerk?! That hurt!”
“Oh, c’mooon! That was funny and you know it.”
“Yeah, that's why I'm laughing so hard.” Pomni grumped. “What happened to your game?”
“Ribbit and I won.” He said proudly.
“Really?”
“Of course! With my height and Ribbit’s jumping abilities we left the other team in the dust. Easy peasy.”
“Great.”
Jax pouted, his eyes all big, and it was unfairly cute. “Aww, Pomni, don't be mad at me. If I say I'm sorry will you forgive me?”
“I don't know.” Pomni sniffed, rubbing lotion on her stinging back.
A look of genuine guilt twisted his features and he shifted awkwardly, tugging at the leg of his red swim trunks, his open yellow hibiscus patterned Hawaiian shirt fluttering in the artificial breeze. “Look, I…I'm sorry. That wasn't very cool of me.” He crouched down near her and reached out his hand. “Here. Let me help you. That looks painful.”
“It is. The sun has some kind of vendetta against me.” Pomni glared up at the psychotically-smiling yellow sun, shielding her eyes with her hand.
“I think you look better this way!” The sun crowed loudly.
Pomni flipped the sun an uncensored bird and Jax sniggered under his breath next to her.
“I'll never get tired of being able to do that. Fuck that censor bar. Here. Gimme that, shortie.”
Jax snatched the bottle out her hand and sat down on his knees behind the short tomato red Jester. Pomni flinched as Jax's unloved hands glided over the hard to reach spots on the backs of her shoulders where her swimsuit top didn't cover, the blessedly cool and soothing lotion easing the burn there immediately. His big hands reached more spots than hers could and both hands could span the width of her shoulders.
Her face began to heat up and this time it wasn't because of the sun.
“There you go. All buttered up and ready to be served on a platter, little lobster.” Jax teased, patting her shoulder. “Feel better?”
“Yeah. Thanks.” She turned to look up at him and was met with the full force of his intense stare. Thankfully she could blame the rapidly reddening flush on her cheeks and quickening breaths on potential heatstroke.
“Do you forgive me now?” Jax asked teasingly, but Pomni could tell that it was a loaded question that wasn't just about the sunburn slap. Did she forgive him for everything he did? The things he said that day in the hall during their argument? For how he treated her when she first arrived at the Circus? For everything?
Honestly? She had forgiven him a long time ago for all that. Maybe she was too soft or too easily forgiving for her own good, or whatever, but after everything, how could she not forgive him? Someone had to.
Pomni smiled up at him. “Yes. Yes, I do.”
The relief was immediately visible on his face and within those yellow eyes. “G-good. I-I have something for you. Close your eyes.”
Pomni blinked in surprise. “O-oh! Really? Why?”
“Just close them. Please.” Jax's purple cheeks were pinkened with an awkward yet adorable blush as he reached a hand into an inside pocket of his Hawaiian shirt.
Confused, Pomni did as he said and closed her eyes.
She heard him shifting around and sand crunching beneath him, and felt a slight breeze brush her cheek and something brushed through the hair that hung along the left side of her round face.
“There. You can open your eyes now.”
Pomni did as she was told and reached up to touch her hair. “Jax, what…oh.”
It felt like a flower. Or more accurately, a clump of flowers.
She took the flowers out to examine them and her breath caught in her throat. Daisies. They were pure white daisies.
“Jax…”
“That's not all.” Jax cut in, leaning in and quickly placing a kiss on her cheek, and then pulling away faster than she could blink or form a coherent thought. Jax's purple face was blushing a bright shade of fuschia and he was looking anywhere but at her face.
“Jax, they're beautiful, I…” before she could say anything else, Jax pushed to his feet and brushed the sand off of himself.
“I wanted to conjure something special for you and daisies were the first things that popped into my head. I'm not good with words or feelings, and this is probably really lame, but I wanted some way to tell you.. to say...thank you…for everything…and uhhh…I gotta go. I think I hear Kaufmo and Ribbit calling my name. See ya!” He took off running across the shore, calling out to the others where they had joined Zooble and Gangle and Ragatha in the water to beat the heat.
Pomni was left mouth agape and holding the flowers' stems between her fingers and rubbing at her cheek. Her mouth curved in a smile as she looked down at the perfect white blooms with their little yellow centers and delicate green stems.
Yes. Progress was being made and little by little they were rebuilding their new home, side by side with Caine, and she may not know what the future has in store for them, but what she did know was that she was glad she didn't give up on Jax and that she made sure he and everyone else in the Circus knew they were loved. After all, like Kinger once told her, the worst thing you can do is make someone think they aren't wanted or loved.
Pomni tucked the daisies back into her hair and began humming a little tune as she pushed to her feet, bells jingling, sunburn be damned, and went to join her new family.
“Daisyyy, Daisyyy,
Give me your answer dooo.
I'm half crazy,
All for the love of you…”
The end