Chapter Text
Tyler was a simple student in computer science. Schoolwork never bothered him; it came easy to him throughout his life. Getting accepted into computer science made it even better; now he would not spend time doing shit that he didn't care about. He can do the thing he loves, and as much as he wants.
Starting the semester, he spent some time adjusting. It was a new university. His bachelor's degree was at another one, so he didn't have many friends. He couldn't say that he is an outgoing person, but he is adequate at socializing and never had a problem before. He never felt lonely, and alone time was much treasured too. To be honest, he largely spent his time on his computer and never looked for anything else.
In his second semester of his first year, he found himself a friend group that would hang out, would catch the newest movies, and eat together at lunch. And it was all that he needed.
He would go to parties with them sometimes. He wasn't a party animal per se, but he would blend in, drink some, vibe with his friends, and laugh his ass off when they got drunk and did stupid things.
One day after class, he already had plans. He was informed that the group was going to a party on campus, and he complied. It was a Friday after all. So he went home. It was a one-bedroom apartment, the best he could afford with his research assistant payment and the allowance his family gave him. He made himself dinner, listened to some music, then went and took a shower. He couldn't say he put his best effort into looking good, but he was looking decent in the end. He wore a black tee with white edges and black pants. He just dried his hair with a towel and combed it roughly with his hands. He liked what he saw in the mirror, so it was enough. When he checked his phone, he saw that his driver (one of his friends who was the designated driver of the night) texted him about their arrival time. He checked the clock; it was nearly time. He took his wallet and locked his door on the way out.
The drive was 5 or 6 minutes long. His friends were already half-drunk. He loved that about them; they knew how they liked to party, and they also knew how Tyler liked to party to just drink a little and entertain himself with his friends' intoxication.
The party place was nothing short of ordinary, some sort of frat house with a big lounge area. His friend group found themselves drinks and blended into the crowd. He was eavesdropping on some conversations, chitchatting here and there, but nothing had taken his attention yet.
Then one of his friends, Chris, came back with someone Tyler didn't know. He said that he was from his department, doing his master's degree in graphic design. This man was well-built, with red dye in the lower sections of his hair, and earrings and tattoos that showed his edgy style. He had completely customized himself, reflecting his character through his body. This was unlike Chris, who was just some guy, like a default FIFA character, which was how Tyler thought of himself too.
"Guys, look who I found! This is Josh," Chris said.
Josh just smiled—a little one, but a sincere one.
"Hi, everyone," Josh said.
They all shook hands briefly and said their respective names.
The last one was Tyler. He found himself staring at the stranger, and when Josh extended his hand, he was still staring. When Josh too started to stare at him, he hurriedly extended his hand and said, "Tyler."
"Hi, Tyler," he smiled. "I'm Josh."
Tyler's brain short-circuited, but he couldn't understand why. At first, he thought maybe he drank much more than he thought. But when he backtraced his movements for the night, he decided it couldn't be that.
Then he couldn't even find another reason. His superpower was problem-solving, and here he was, unable to think of any other reason to feel this way.
Josh quickly blended with his friend group. He was an outgoing and charming person; he would make comments that made people smile, sometimes laugh, but the conversation was never about him. He only supported it, never orchestrated it. He didn't share any more information than his name and his department.
Tyler was feeling curious about him. He intently tried to listen to him every time he spoke, but never succeeded in learning anything about him.
He was vibrant; he didn't need to make any effort to attract attention. His big smile was nearly sparkly, with his beautiful teeth and crinkly eyes. His whole friend group embraced Josh so quickly and started to have conversations with him. Tyler loved it, but also, he was feeling an unease in the middle of his torso. He couldn't find the reason for this as well.
As the night went on, Tyler left the group to go get another beer, then to get some air. He was feeling a lot of things at the same time. He decided he could stay longer and drink more than his usual amount. Cold air would definitely help afterwards.
Here he was, sitting on the back porch of the house. There were only a few people here, just to breathe. While he was trying to calm himself, someone came and stood right next to him, looking at him over his left shoulder.
"I was wondering where you were," Josh said. "Are you feeling well?" There was a slight worry in his voice, but his smile was intact.
"I'm okay, no worries," Tyler said, while anxiously smiling. "Just have a lot on my mind and need to clear my head."
Then Josh looked away, directly ahead, where the garden ends and the trees begin. He put his right hand onto Tyler's shoulder, turned to face him, and said, "Anything I can do?"
Tyler really didn't know the answer to that. He really didn't know anything about himself at this moment. He might have forgotten his name too, perhaps. He just looked at Josh, or more like stared, dumbfounded.
"I'm gonna be honest, I don't know myself either," he said with a nervous laugh.
Josh nodded his head three times like he got it, his lips stuck between his teeth. Tyler saw an old scar right below his lower lip; maybe he had a piercing once, he thought. It would suit him.
Josh snatched him from his imaginary world with his voice. Tyler realized he was staring at his mouth; Josh must have definitely realized it too.
"Then we should do something to clear your head," he said, flashing a big smile. He offered his hand, and Tyler didn't hesitate to take it. Josh led them inside, back into the crowd.
"What do you like?" he yelled into Tyler's ear through the loud music, his eyes searching the sea of people. "I mean sexually."
Tyler blanked out for a second, then said, "I'm gay." But his statement did not please him, so he added, "I like people who define themselves as male, I guess."
Josh's smile widened, a spark in his eyes. "My man," he said proudly. Then he added, "Then it's my time to introduce you to my friends."
Josh once again took his hand—didn't ask for it this time—and he led the way, cutting through the crowd. They entered a room where people looked high as fuck, passing joints and bongs among themselves.
"Meet the crew," he said. "Guys, this is Tyler, my new good friend." Everyone said hi, but no one said their own names. Tyler didn't really care; he wasn't sure what he was doing, and everyone was locked into their own worlds.
"I want you to meet one of my friends specifically," he gestured to a man standing at the back of the room, talking with someone. "Adam, this is Tyler. Tyler, this is Adam."
"Hi," said Tyler and offered his hand. Adam looked at his hand, then at him, and a nearly predatory smirk occurred. "Hi Tyler, what's up?"
Tyler braced himself for small talk, talking about the party and so on, but Adam clearly was not listening. He leaned into his ear and said, "Do you wanna hook up?"
Tyler's eyes widened. He looked around and saw Josh, who had already left him and started to talk with other people. He looked at Tyler from a few steps ahead, smiled, and gave him a thumbs-up. Tyler felt like he was not behind the steering wheel tonight. He absentmindedly turned back around to Adam and said, "Yeah."
Now he was being led again, out of the room to the bathroom upstairs. Adam confidently opened a door without knocking (which Tyler found absolutely weird), then closed and locked the door. He was now in a random bathroom with a guy he had met just three minutes ago.
"Well, Tyler, what do you like?" asked Adam. Tyler froze, his gaze fixed on Adam's eyes. He had never been asked this question once, but now it was twice in the same night. Adam laughed and said, "Okay. I'm gonna ask you two questions, and just say yes or no." Tyler nodded, but Adam continued, "A nod won't be enough for my questions." Tyler said a weak yes, more like a whisper. That predatory smile bloomed on Adam's face again. "Good. Do you think I'm hot, Tyler?"
Tyler said, "Yes."
"Would you like me to blow you, Tyler?"
Tyler hesitated, still a little bit shocked, but his voice came through anyway. "Yes."
Adam smiled and dove for Tyler's lips immediately. He kissed Tyler hungrily; there was nothing romantic about it. Tyler did have relationships in the past, but all of them came through only after a few dates. He had never felt this much without love. Adam hurriedly moved to his jaw and his ear, kissing and sucking; the act felt practiced. Tyler still hadn't moved, his hands leaning on the sink. Adam didn't even need Tyler's involvement in this, apparently, he thought. Not much later, Adam got on his knees, unbuckled Tyler's belt, shoved his pants to his knees, and groped his dick. One hand started to massage his balls, and the other was on his length. Tyler hissed with pleasure, closing his eyes uncontrollably. He felt the warm and moist touches to his dick, slowly captivating it, working through his length professionally. He decided to keep his eyes closed. The sensations made him feel so overwhelmed; drunk blowjobs weren't his area of expertise.
After a few minutes, he began to feel his body arching up. He quickly opened his eyes, but his sight was nearly blurred with pleasure. He shifted his gaze to Adam, who was touching himself too, apparently. He felt a relief because, well, he would not have to return the favor, but he decided to ask anyway to be polite.
When he realized how close he was, he tapped Adam's shoulder. "Gonna come," was all he could verbalize. Adam nodded with blank eyes, shifted his pace, and started to suck him harder, which made Tyler come in no time.
Before Tyler could even come down from his high, Adam stood up and gestured for Tyler to move aside, shoving his arm with his hand a little. When Tyler moved, he realized Adam was washing his own come from his hands. He looked down, but he was perfectly clean himself. Adam must have swallowed the whole thing, and Tyler was so drunk he didn't even realize. That's not gay, he thought; normally, he would have felt much more aroused by something like this.
When Adam cleaned himself and buckled his belt, Tyler also dressed himself. Adam turned to Tyler and gave a little smirk. "Well, it was fun. See you around, Tyler." Without even waiting for a response, he unlocked the door and left.
Tyler stood still for moment, then started to act nearly automatically. He washed his hands, his face, and his mouth. He roughly fixed his hair and left the bathroom.
As he walked back to the crowd, searching for someone, literally anyone that would tether him to reality, he saw Mark, but he was so gone, so drunk that Tyler could tell from that distance. He continued his search because he felt so lost, so dissociated. He decided to go to the room where Josh was hanging out with his friends. When he poked his head through the door, there Josh was. He had a girl on his lap, in the middle of a make-out session. He started to feel even worse now. He just wanted to leave, get sober, and understand what was going on in his head. Everything was so blurry; he couldn't even finish his thoughts. He just turned around and left the house.
He walked home. It was chilly, but it was a spring night; it didn't hurt. His home was approximately 15 to 20 minutes away, and he just started to walk without even informing any of his friends.
As he walked, he tried to examine the night, step by step. He was not a cold person, but he couldn't define himself as someone who lived emotions intensely. He had never even gone through so many emotions at the same time before. He just saw Josh, his red hair under the purplish-blue LED lights, smiling with his perfect teeth. Which, he thought, was straight as hell, as he had witnessed. So that would be it, right? He had never felt something for someone straight, but maybe he had a crush? But why did it haunt him and overwhelm him this much?
When he started to have unanswered questions again, he decided to stop. Stop thinking about this night. He might have a crush on Josh; everyone could have, since he was exceptionally gorgeous, but straight. He comforted himself with the thought that a crush on a straight guy couldn't possibly last that long.