Chapter Text
All of Jisung’s life, he lived in the same small town. A place where everyone knew everything about each other—threw parties and contests every holiday, bake sales and yard sales happened almost every weekend on repeat.
It’s how Jisung met Hyunjin—his beloved boyfriend.
They met in middle school, and at this time, Jisung was still trying to figure himself out fully. At 12-14, he went through endless struggles. Trying to figure himself out, finding out he struggled with anxiety and depression at a young age took a toll, on top of puberty hitting him hard, and most importantly, him questioning his sexuality.
When he met Hyunjin, it felt like a breath of fresh air. A sudden change in tune that made him feel like everything would be okay as long as he had Hyunjin.
And in 8th grade, Jisung confessed to Hyunjin how he felt—and to his surprise, Hyunjin reciprocated it.
Hyunjin and Jisung dated all throughout high school.
Spent everyday together, holidays, birthdays. Hyunjin would take Jisung everywhere, making him step out of his comfort zone and helping him learn how to communicate with others better. As where Jisung taught Hyunjin all about music, a silly little hobby Jisung picked up fresh into high school and stuck with it all throughout it. Their relationship was great,
until it suddenly wasn’t.
In senior year, their relationship started forming small cracks. Cracks that weren’t so small to Jisung, but weren't a big deal for Hyunjin. See, it started off over silly things, like “hey you forgot to text me back last night.”, until it eventually formed into bigger things.
And Jisung felt like he was going to spiral.
Jisung checked his phone for the thousandth time today, he and Hyunjin agreed to meet up at the park, their go-to meet up spot. But when Jisung texted, Hyunjin never replied. Jisung did the one thing he usually wouldn’t, he called him, even if he was busy, at least Jisung would be able to give him a piece of mind.
After the first three rings, Hyunjin finally picked up.
“What Jisung-ah?” Hyunjin panted into the phone.
Jisung’s throat went dry, he gulped hard before responding. “Y-…you didn’t show up today.”
Hyunjin sighed deeply. “Yeah, because I’m at dance, Ji.”
“…you could’ve at least told me. You always do this-“
“Jisung, I don’t have time to argue with you over silly little things, for fucks sake. I mean come on, you knew I was preparing for this dance show.”
“..did you forget about my show today?”
Hyunjin went quiet before muttering a small fuck underneath his breath. “Ji..I—I can’t..”
Jisung scoffed. “Of course..just forget it.”
Hyunjin sighed. “Ji—“
“No, really it’s fine. I’m gonna go..I have to get ready.”
Jisung hung up quickly before shutting off his phone. He sniffled softly, rubbing his nose before getting up and stuffing his hands in his pockets.
He tucked his face into his scarf as the wind blew, the autumn weather seemingly getting colder as time passed.
And that night, Jisung had done his performance—praying to see Hyunjin in the crowd,
Only to find an empty chair he’d save just for him.
~
Time passed and state testing was near, everyone was on edge, praying they’d make it and graduate. Jisung felt like he was going to vomit,every part of him was afraid he’d mess up somehow, make a fool out of himself.
He was still fighting with Hyunjin in the mix of it all and Jisung truly didn’t know what to do.
He felt like everything around him was slowly failing—his relationship, his grades slipped a bit last minute that had him stressed, his anxiety peaked more than ever this year and he felt like he couldn’t take one more negative thing,
Because if something did happen, he wouldn’t be able to trust himself.
So when Jisung got a call from Hyunjin after state testing asking to meet up, his stomach twisted in a way he didn’t like.
Jisung quickly changed into shorts and a tee shirt, rushing off downstairs before slipping on his sneakers and leaving his house.
The summer sun was shining, but for some reason everything still felt so dull, so lonely.
When Jisung arrived at their meetup spot, he froze. Seeing Hyunjin sit there calmly, on his phone while looking as handsome as ever made Jisung feel pathetic.
How can he be so chill when everything is falling apart?
Did he not care about him? About them?
Jisung gulped hard before slowly walking over, Hyunjin glanced up at him as Jisung sat down next to him, staring at the ground like it had all the answers.
“Hey..” Hyunjin said softly.
Jisung didn’t respond.
Hyunjin sighed softly before speaking up.
“Ji we need to talk..”
“Okay..” Jisung said quietly.
Hyunjin stared at him, a part of him hurts for Jisung, but another part,
Is tired.
“Um..Jisung I think—….” Hyunjin gulped. “I think we should maybe…break up..”
Jisung’s lip quivered , but he decided to stay quiet.
“I-..I just think we grew apart. I mean we’re not..the same people anymore a-and we keep clashing and we’re just, not mixing anymore Ji. I-..I don’t want to keep hurting you by staying in this relationship when..when I’m just not feeling it anymore.” Hyunjin let out a scattered sigh. “And…god, I can’t blame you if you hate me for this but..I met someone new. I’ve…been crushing on him for three weeks now and I think he feels the same.” Hyunjin glanced towards Jisung. “God I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I told you all of that—“
Jisung slowly got up, keeping his head down as he clenched his fists. “My moms expecting me home…I hope you get into your dream college..”
Hyunjin quickly got up. “Wait—“
“I’ll see you around.” Jisung turned around and quickly rushed off, ignoring Hyunjin’s call outs to him.
And senior year might’ve been Jisung’s biggest downfall. He wasn’t the same person anymore—somehow he survived college.
His anxiety and depression amped up, taking a huge toll on him. And right when he finished college, he bought a small flat just outside of town, attempting to escape the gossip that spread throughout the town after he and Hyunjin broke up.
And fortunately enough for him, he met his best friend,
Kim Seungmin.
And Seungmin was there for him every step of the way, that was until Jisung found out Seungmin’s boyfriend knew Hyunjin, which meant Seungmin knew Hyunjin.
So Jisung made sure he put distance between him and everyone else.
That was until Jisung got a letter in the mail, not just any letter,
Hyunjin’s wedding invitation.
And Jisung spiraled.
He ended up calling Seungmin at 5 in the morning, hyperventilating and crying, and around 7am Jisung finally calmed down, but he couldn’t sleep, so Seungmin offered for them to meet at the local coffee shop in town around 10am.
So here Jisung was, standing in the town he’d never thought he would step foot in again, standing outside his old favorite coffee shop staring at the doors.
He took a deep breath before walking inside and glancing around for Seungmin.
His eyes landed on him when Seungmin waved him down. Jisung made his way over and sat down across from him, letting out a small huff.
“Morning, feeling better?” Seungmin tilted his head slightly.
“No.”
Seungmin nodded slowly. “Wanna talk about it? You didn’t really tell me what happened over the phone.”
Jisung glanced up at him for a second before digging in his bag for the letter before tossing it onto the table.
Seungmin looked down at the letter, a bit surprised but not really.
“Mm, so you got an invitation too, and it freaked you out?”
“It crushed me, Seung.” Jisung gripped his pants tighter. “That…that should’ve been me..” Jisung’s voice wavered.
“But, you know, and I know that you wouldn’t truly be happy, Ji.”
“We could’ve worked it out,” Jisung glanced up at Seungmin, fighting off tears. “We’ve known each other for years and he just threw everything away for nothing.”
“Ji, babe, it wasn’t for nothing. You both were unhappy in two completely different ways, if you two stayed together it would’ve just gotten worse.” Seungmin reached across the table and grabbed his hand gently. “Hyunjin still cares about you, you know.”
“Does he? Because he hasn't once reached out to apologize.”
“You and I both know why he hasn’t, Ji. He doesn’t want you to spiral and fall into a depressive state.”
“So sending me his wedding invitation was any better?!”
“That’s not what I’m saying, sungie. What I’m saying is, you’re still someone very important to him. He cares about you deeply, remember you both were friends before lovers. He wants you to be there on the most important day of his life because he still loves and cares for you.”
Jisung shook his head, pulling his hand away. “No, no he wants to rub it in my face that he’s been doing completely fine and has been happy, meanwhile I’m here, fucking suffering and ran away like some coward. Just a fucking loser who makes music all day.”
“Good music,” Seungmin pointed out. “You make money doing the thing you love most.”
“Yeah well..I don’t love it anymore.” Jisung got up. “Tell Hyunjin I said thank you for the invitation but I’ll be rejecting his offer.”
“Ji, think this through—“
“I’m not going to be the laughing stock of the town, not again.” Jisung grabbed his bag, packing away the letter. “I’ll see you soon.”
Seungmin watched as Jisung left the cafe, sighing softly before pulling out his phone and pulling up a contact.
“Hey Chan-hyung..can I ask for a favor?”