Work Text:
They're together, lying down, hand in hand– admiring the night sky. Sharing stories with one another, bathing in the moonlight. Side by side.
It's one in the morning, both girls on Sua's rooftop. They were just done rehearsing their newest song for the school's festival. Faint conversation can be heard inside. Sometimes a little too quiet, sometimes it's loud enough that it made the two girls averts their head to the opened door behind them.
"Why do we need to go to school?"
"Do you believe in magic?"
"Do you love me?"
When Mizi asked something, Sua would only take at most two seconds before answering. Because that's how it is. From the past to now, it's always been like that.
"So we can prepare ourselves for adulthood."
"I believe love is a fragment of magic itself."
"Yes, i do."
"Do you think devils and angels— or maybe aliens actually exist?"
And it's always right. It only takes her two seconds before muttering a quiet, "Maybe."
"Why?"
"Because there's no way God only created one being that capable of thought."
That's her belief. She always thought that there's no way god didn't create another species that can't surpasses human.
She believes that one day, humanity would have to fight against another intelligent being in the universe.
But angels and devils? That's an entirely different topic for her. Angels–as in a supernatural, spiritual being that serves as a messenger, guide, or protector.
While devils–personification of evil, temptation, and destructive forces. They feel a little too, what? Sua doesn't even know. She didn't really think about anything about the afterlife who awaited them.
Maybe Mizi sees Sua as someone with enough divinity that she makes Sua her god. And she's grateful for that. She loves how Mizi sees her.
"The fact that we're.. 'alone' in the universe is far too unbelievable, to say the least."
Universe—the totality of everything that exists across space and time.
She sees Mizi as that. The whole world– no. The whole universe. She would had died if Mizi wasn't here.
She couldn't even imagine a world without Mizi in it. Mizi is like her life anchor– and she admit that she is.
"That's my opinion about aliens, Mizi."
"But i also think angels and devils did exist. They're just hiding from us– well, that's for devils. The angels are at god's side. Completing their assigned task."
"Why are you so sure?"
Mizi turned her body so she's looking directly at Sua, not at the sky.
"Because there's no chance that we're the most 'powerful' one here, not even one percent."
And Sua does the same, as always.
"Trust me."
Mizi would always trust Sua. That's something everyone know if they're friends with her. Even if Sua believed that there's someone higher than her in this world, Mizi would still see Sua as her god.
With that, she tightened her hold. Clinging to Sua, while the other did the same.
"Okay."
She smiled.
"Thank you for answering, Sua."
Mizi remembers that conversation like yesterday.
Even if it's years ago, she couldn't help but bought back to tears.
They're only seventeen that time.
They still have dreams to pursue,
They still have the whole world to explore,
She promised to always be by her side.
And yet, she left first.
She went to the afterlife without her.
All Mizi can do? Just goes on with her days, talking to what remains of their friendgroup– the friendgroup that once is six people,
Then five,
Four,
And stuck at three.
The ones that are left can't even be called humans anymore.
What's left are just living empty shells with burn marks over their body.
Trying to live a normal life, when it's clear they cannot function without their other half.
Continuing their life, the life they promised to spend together– and act as if everything is going to the bright side.
When no, none of the three people here move on from that fire.
The fire that opened many unspeakable truth among them. The fire that brings all of their relationship to doomed. The fire that turned their life upside down– from a sunny day to a thunderstorm in a span of twenty-four hours.
There is no chance they can recover at the tragedy 'god' inflicted upon them.
When one of that three people– the one that's popular for his short temper.
The one that's known for having a black-haired man who always followed him everywhere,
The only one who didn't have burn marks all over his body– finally didn't try to harm himself anymore,
And let go of the past,
Mizi can only stare wide eyes.
Because deep down, she knew. That as much as he wants to act like that– he can't free himself from him.
Every time she met up with him, she noticed he would be cautious.
At a café, when he smiles– she can clearly see that he would still glance at corners. Worried looks flickered through his face. But quickly got replaced, as if seeing that expression was a mistake.
She knew it's because he still sees him.
It's funny. Usually, it's the other way around.
It's supposed to be the other man searching for the gray locks.
While him? He would pretend to be irritated. Pushing the other– but when the ravenette wasn't looking, a subtle smile carved its way to his lips.
A pity that they're both stubborn. They're both so in love and yet so stubborn to tell each other that "yes, is love you." Just like that.
So, their love story stopped without an end. There's no good nor bad ending, the last page of the book is half-written. Leaving the readers to wonder their 'canon' ending if the book just writes itself. Whether it's happy or not, it doesn't matter. After all, they're just daydreaming. Tying to "cope" with the fact that even if they prayed from day to night– they wouldn't get anything. Because the other main character was already dead. Leaving behind a deep wound on the other.
Someone once said to her that,
"You will miss something once it's gone."
That's the only right way to explain his situation now.
Then, there's the blonde one.
Popular because many things.
Look,
Achievements,
Charms,
Despite all of that perfection– the most popular thing about him is the fact He would follow a carefree woman like a lost dog.
Always by her side. Unwilling to share her presence— even with her own brother. He acted as if, were he separated from her for just five minutes, he would suffer a heart attack.
Maybe he would. Considering that he does have a weak body. And he is suffering from a heart condition.
When the carefree woman breathed her last breath, he's the first to get on a breakdown.
His love story and the carefree woman are one who's always been a bit funny for her. Sometimes they would fight, but at recess, the blond would cling to her. And she doesn't even try push him away.
One day, the blond made a huge mistake. Hurting her brother. Making her furious. She remembers that she would always vented to her about how she resent him because of that. And yet, the blond would still be able to cling to her without any problem during recess. Even if she put that pained expression on her face.
She remembers that she saw them hugging in the fire. That day, her brother died in the hospital. Her body is limp when she carefully walks to him. She also caught her saying something along the line, "Resent." And "Live with love." A bittersweet ending, really. A last second-confession. Even when their love is mutual, they never really put a name for their relationship. Sometimes Mizi herself thinks that she did that as revenge, but who knows?
All of that tragedy caused his health to deteriorate.
So, he had to be hospitalized. The treatment was supposed to make him feel better—but when he finally got out,
No burn marks left on his face,
Returns back to his previous perfection,
Trying to act tough, like all that tragedy doesn't affect him anymore.
But one day, when he fell asleep next to Mizi–
She noticed tears started streaming down his face.
That's when she remembers her words.
“Self-deception is easier than facing the truth.” Mizi can finally understand that.
Two of the three people had tried to let go of the past. Now, only her that keeps crying every night to herself.
Clinging to what remains of the deceased ones.
When the others are moving forward– she's alone in the past.
Didn't want to get up,
Only wants to dream,
Once she finally dreams,
She doesn't want to wake up,
She wants to keep dreaming– grasping onto every memory that her brain replays, again and again in her head.
"That's the only way to cope." according to her.
Isolating herself in her room, when her guardian– her mom keeps on worrying her.
The situation never improved– in fact, it worsened.
Everyone tried to make her feel better, but no one– or even anything–can replace her.
In the end, she's left alone.
Bouquet of clematis on the edge of her bed.
Painting of her loved one displayed on the wall.
And a hearty meal that's already cold on the table.
It's midnight, she had to sleep.
But she can't.
Not when the painting in front of her stares at her with the same affection she remembers her having.
The painter captured the beauty of her irises so perfectly. It almost feels like seeing her again.
Not like the one in her dreams, this one looks more real.
More vivid. It is the real world, after all.
".. Sua."
She should say thanks to Till. He's the one who gifts her that painting.
With a subtle smile, she grabs one of the clematis flowers. Plucking it away from the stem– then glued it to the painting frame.
She should also thank Luka for that flowers. He's the one who buys those flowers for her.
He's the one that picked Sua's favorite flower.
When the frame is beautiful enough, she gazes at her face, again. Not breaking eye contact with the puple eyes.
Staring at her while eating the already cold rice. With a smile.
She should thank Shine– her mother for the meal.
Maybe.
But now, she should rest. Her brain should give her good, sweet dreams tonight.
Not like her brain would give her any nightmare about her anyway.
It's never been like that.
Guess she's wrong this time.
She's happy when they're at the stage. A stage big enough that it sounds impossible.
They dream to be on stage where people hear them– recognize them– with their talent.
It's a dream come true.
Everything goes so well,
When she hears Sua's voice singing "My Clematis", they're own song, she's overjoyed. Thrilled, even.
To stand beside the one she called her god– it's more than what she wished for.
Singing their hearts out, embracing each other while many people watch from abroad.
But once again,
"All roads lead to rome."
Gunshot.
Then– her knees go out.
Eyes wide, she doesn’t care when a collar is placed on her neck, no. Her eyes focus solely on the body in front of her. It's her– her Sua. With blood flowing through her neck, and eyes dimmed into a more dull color, losing their shine.
Her eye color is supposed to be the one that reminds her of clematis flowers beneath the evening breeze.
And when she thought about clematis, she didn't mean the pale, wisteria like-kind softened in white along their petals. No, she meant the deep violet with hints of magenta.
Stunning, luminous, mesmerizing– and she still has a list of more comments in her mind.
But now? Cold. Lifeless.
Not a single light left. Just dusted purple with unfocused gaze– not even staring at her anymore. Just stared into nothingness while guards began to guide her back off the stage.
That dream goes on at a quick pace,
She saw the raven locks that is comparable to her beloved.
Blonde that resembled the one she knew.
The carefree woman she cared for.
Her dear friend at the brink of death.
And at last– herself, stranded in a desert. Even after seven years, she's still grieving for Sua.
Everything is going so quickly. She can't catch her breath, always moving from here and there. Change began to appear on her body, not quite the negative. But Mizi doesn't know whether she will like Mizi's new look.
Will she be disappointed?
Because she gives up her beauty just for someone that's already at the end of God's life cycle?
Will she be delighted?
Because Mizi does something this extreme just for her?
She woke up–
Still remembers her despair-ridden form in the desert.
Burn marks all over her body, a wig that reminds her of her beloved, and she doesn’t even has any clothes. Only a pair of white underwear along with a blanket to cover herself.
Sweat trickled down her body.
Tears began to stream out of her eyes.
Then, her focus lands on the painting, again.
Sua, her dear Sua– staring at her with that loving smile, loving gaze.
"... Sua."
She wants to meet Sua again, that's a fact.
Meet Sua again.
Meet Sua.
Sua.
She shouldn't have these thought no more, but– she can't really control her brain.
With a shaky breath, she got up her bed. Walking slowly to her drawer.
There's the hearty meal her mom made. She stared at it for a second, before looking away. She couldn't possibly wait any longer for this. Her mom should find this action reasonable, right?
"A mother would always support their child decision." That's one of her words. She believes her mom would support it because of that.
Crouching, she opened the bottom drawer. The one she uses to store any kind of thing that she almost never use.
The rope has a rough material, stinging her hands when she grabbed it.
Then she grabbed a chair, dragging it across her room– from the corner to the middle, she glanced at Sua's painting, again.
If she did this, she would see those eyes again. More detailed, lifelike. Right?
It's not a decision. It's an escape.
If it is a decision, then it's one of the few decisions she thinks so carefully.
And she wouldn't regret that.
She wouldn't. She knew she wouldn't.
When everything's all set, she stared at the thing in front of her, like it's something to be proud of– something she earned to be held a ceremony at that second.
Maybe it sounds and feels like a ceremony to her.
They said ceremony is held when someone achive something in their life, isn't it?
She would meet the love of her life after this– is there any rules that state someone can't hold a ceremony before they receive something to be proud of?
Their love story is perfect before this. And it should be like that. Forever. But then the fire happened. And all of that just– dissipated. Mizi would actually be a lot more happy if she just died in that fire. At least she's with Sua. Not alone like this, this is just hell on earth. It's clear that this story has a bad ending. A slow burn that's building ever since the first time they met as kids, all of the pining in junior high, and finally confession at the graduation.
All they have to do in highschool is continuing their relationship. And, they did.
Mizi thought her story was different from the others. Because– well. They're already one step ahead of everyone. Why can't they just continue all of this until marriage? It's not fair. Even if their friends is still behind.
Turning, she grabbed Sua's painting off the wall. Admiring it a little before placing it on top of the drawer.
Adjusting it so Sua can watch her doing something so devoted for her– and only her.
She pauses for a second, before taking out a book– her journal, her diary that she kept ever since highschool. Yet stopped writing in it after that incident.
Ripping a piece of paper from that, she also grabbed a pen before writing something– something so short, yet she feels like she needs to write this.
Sua would be so proud with something she would do– and something she just write.
Because after the many times she listen to Sua's words, opinion, now she can make her own. And most importantly, it's for her friends.
She smiles to herself at that thought. Yet immediately frown when she realizes this is the last time she would do something this intense– for her, in this life.
It's okay. After this, she would see Sua again, It's more than a blessing. She should be happy.
It's a different overwhelming emotion when she finally climbed into that chair.
For a second, she didn't dare to breath– as if everything would collapse if she tried only just that.
Then– she smiles.
Not a warm, cheery smile she always had in the past. This one feels strained– hollow.
With a soft, yet trembling voice, she asks,
"Sua... my god, my universe. Isn't this a perfect plan?"
Silence.
"I can see you again after this.. wouldn't you be happy to see me again?"
Silence.
"We will be together, for a second time– and for eternity. In the afterlife."
She must be hallucinating when she hears Sua's voice,
"But what if you'd end up in hell, Mizi?"
She blinks at that. Before a wheeze slipped out of her mouth.
She knew that there's prickle of tears coming out of her eyes, even when she tried to stop her laughter– her tears– but she couldn't.
It's not clear anymore what she feels now.
Is it sorrow?
Grief?
Despair?
She can't piece out together what emotion that controls her now.
"If that's how i ended up– then i would defy fate for you."
She held the rope in her hands, grasping the rough fabric so carefully– before putting it over her head.
"Change heaven's rule and abducted you, brings you to hell to spend our eternal life together,"
She takes a step forward.
"Forever."
"Mizi?"
Shine just told Luka and Till about her business trip. She tried to talk to Mizi, but anything couldn't make that girl get out of her room.
So– she left. Not forgetting to tell her friends to check her. They're the only one that can actually have a proper conversation with her, after all.
"Just break the door, Till." Luka suggests.
"Now, why would i do that?"
"Because clearly she doesn't want to get out." He continued.
That's the last option for them, and their only one left at that– it's clear that even with that frown, Till can sees that Luka is uneasy by the way he kept fidgeting with his sleeve.
He gives Luka a nod,
Till stepped back before slamming himself to the wood. Over and over, till it finally gives up– and opened a little.
The room is dark. He can see it. And oddly, no cries to be heard.
That's not a good sign.
Till and Luka exchange a look. Both of their expression shows discomfort.
And when he opens the door wider–
They both froze.
The shock, the sight, the painting–
It didn't only leave them agape, but also an indicator that one of the three people left has already given up.
And something that none of the two men would ever be brave enough to admit–
A reminder that none of them actually move on.
Now, all that was left is silence.
It's only seconds before Luka's usually steady breath began to break its rhythm, as if he couldn't keep control of it anymore.
Then Till, with widened eyes– broken look, forces his mouth open, mumbling a quiet–
"...Mizi?"
"There wasn't enough time for gratitude."
That's what she wrote on that piece of paper.
Because in the end, she couldn't even say "thank you" to the people who still care about her.