Work Text:
January 15, 2017
For immediate release.
(English version)
The Montréal Metros are devastated to announce the unexpected and tragic passing of our beloved captain, Shane Hollander, at the age of 25.
Shane was a cornerstone of the Metros organization. He was a leader on and off the ice, and leaves behind a legacy of dedication, passion, and pure excellence as both a hockey player and a human being. His teammates, coaches, and all who knew him are heartbroken by this sudden loss. His impact in both our locker room and throughout the city of Montréal cannot be measured.
Tonight’s game against the New York Admirals will be cancelled, out of respect for Shane, his family, his teammates, and the entire Metros staff. Information regarding rescheduling, tickets, and upcoming games will come at a later time.
We request that public and media respect the Hollander family’s privacy at this difficult time. Please allow his family, friends, and teammates the time and space to navigate this unimaginable loss.
Shane was deeply loved by this team and this city, as well as by hockey fans around the world. Together, we mourn the loss of an exceptional young man, gone far too soon.
The Metros have no further comment at this time.
[Transcript - Emergency Services Call]
January 14, 2017
18:35
Montréal, QC
911: 911, quelle est votre urgence?
Caller: Um, anglais s’il-vous-plaît. Holy shit. Oh my god. Please tell me you speak English, my French is so bad.
911: I speak English. What’s your emergency?
Caller: Fuck. Um, my friend is— I need an ambulance. My friend, he didn’t show up for work today, so I came to check on him, and he’s— I don’t know. I don’t know what happened. He’s in his bed, passed out, and I can’t wake him up.
911: Tell me your address.
Caller: [redacted address]
911: Emergency services are on the way. Is your friend breathing? Is his chest rising and falling?
Caller: Fuck, no. I don’t think so. He’s— I don’t know how long he’s been like this. No one’s seen him since last night.
911: Does he have a pulse?
Caller: I don’t— I can’t tell. I’m shaking so bad. If he does, it’s not strong. I can’t feel it. He’s really cold.
911: Okay, breathe with me. I’m going to talk you through CPR— you’ll need to put the call on speaker and set your phone down. Is your friend on his back?
Caller: Okay, you’re on speaker. He’s on his side but I’m turning him. Fuck, dude, you’re heavy. Okay. I have him on his back.
911: Good. Kneel right next to him on the bed, alright? You’ll place the heel of one hand in the centre of his chest, right between his nipples, and place your other hand on top of it, interlocking your fingers. Tell me when you’re in position.
Caller: I am.
911: You’ll need to keep your elbows straight, and push down hard and fast on his chest. Don’t be afraid to go deep. We’re going to count together, and you don’t stop until the first responders get there and take over. Ready?
Caller: Yeah.
911: Push. One, two, three, four…
[six minutes, twenty-five seconds of CPR]
Caller: I hear sirens. I think they’re here.
911: Don’t stop compressions until they are in the room and tell you to remove your hands. You’re doing well.
[sound of a door opening]
Paramedic: (in background) Urgences-santé!
Caller: He’s in here! Please help!
Paramedic: (in background) Monsieur, please step back. Let us take over.
Caller: I’ve been doing CPR like she told me.
911: Sir, I can hear that the paramedics are taking over. You did a great job. I’m going to disconnect the call and let them help you.
Caller: Thank you. Thank you so much. Holy shit.
Paramedic: (in background, to partner) Arrête les compressions un instant. Pas de pouls. Les membres sont rigides... rigidité cadavérique se commence déjà. Laissez-faire le DEA, c'est évident.
[TRANSLATION: Hold compressions for a moment. No pulse. Limbs are rigid… rigor mortis is setting in. Don’t use the AED, it’s clear.]
Caller: What are you saying?
[call disconnects]
Service de police de la Ville de Montréal
Incident Report: Sudden Death/Apparent Suicide
Date: January 14, 2017
Time Dispatched: 18:36hrs
Location: [redacted address]
Reporting Officer: Cst. Julien Bouchard #4172
Assisting Officers: Cst. M. Leduc #5531, Sgt. É. Tremblay #2014
Victim: Shane Hollander, M, 25 years old
Next of Kin Notified: Pending at time of report
Incident Summary
On January 14, 2017, at approximately 18:35hrs, officers were dispatched alongside Urgences-santé paramedics to a reported cardiac arrest at the above address. The 911 caller, Hayden Pike (M, 26), stated he entered the victim’s residence after the victim failed to report to work and had not responded to repeated calls and messages throughout the day.
Upon SPVM arrival, paramedics were at the scene and had ceased resuscitative efforts. The victim, identified as Shane Hollander (M, 25), was pronounced deceased at 18:51hrs by paramedic personnel. Paramedics stated the victim had likely been deceased for several hours prior to discovery, as indicated by rigor mortis and body temperature.
Scene Description
No signs of forced entry or altercation were apparent at the scene. The apartment was clean and orderly.
The victim was located on a bed in the main bedroom, dressed in a black t-shirt and grey sweatpants. No blood or other bodily fluids were present on the sheets. A drinking glass half-full of water was located on the bedside table, next to an empty can of ginger ale and a small piece of paper labelled: "I’m sorry."
On the floor beside the bed, officers observed:
- One orange prescription bottle labelled for cyclobenzaprine, prescribed to Shane Hollander.
- One unlabelled plastic bottle containing two tablets later identified as oxycodone.
- Several empty, unlabelled blister packets.
In the kitchen, officers observed:
- Four sealed envelopes, labelled: "Mom & Dad," "Hayden & Jackie," "My Team," and "Lily."
- Victim’s wallet, containing identification, credit cards, and $145.70 in cash.
- Victim’s cell phone.
- Stack of printed banking documents, with passwords and account information.
- A folder containing funeral preferences and instructions regarding personal belongings.
- In the refrigerator: 4 prepared meals labelled with dates, 10 cans of beer, 5 cans of ginger ale. No perishables/produce.
No illicit substances, alcohol containers, or drug paraphernalia were present in the apartment, beyond those listed above.
Witness Statement - Hayden Pike
Mr. Pike stated he and the victim were "best friends," and both players for the Montréal Metros professional hockey team. According to Mr. Pike, the victim failed to appear at practice that morning without notice, which was out of character. Coworkers repeatedly attempted to reach him via telephone and text message throughout the day, without success.
At approximately 18:30hrs, Mr. Pike entered the victim’s apartment, using a spare key he had previously been provided by the victim in case of emergencies, after repeated knocking yielded no response. Mr. Pike located the victim lying on his right side, on the bed.
Mr. Pike reported the victim was cold to the touch and unresponsive. He called 911 and completed approximately 6 minutes of CPR, as instructed by the operator, until paramedics arrived.
Mr. Pike became visibly distressed during his statement, repeatedly asking what was going to happen to the victim now. As Mr. Pike’s distress escalated, paramedics began to treat him for a panic attack, and elected to take him to Montréal General Hospital via ambulance.
Assessment
Based on the evidence collected (farewell notes, affairs in order), condition of the scene, witness statement, and paramedic report, the death is considered an apparent suicide by overdose.
Exact cause and manner of death remain to be determined by the Bureau du coroner du Québec, via autopsy and toxicology report.
Scene remained secured until forensic photography and gathering of evidence were completed. The body was released to the coroner at 21:23hrs.
Family notification to be coordinated by the coroner.
Report completed by: Cst. Julien Bouchard #4172
Submitted: January 15, 2017, 02:11hrs
[Transcript - Bureau du coroner du Québec Notification Call]
January 14, 2017
22:03
Mother: Hello?
Coroner: Good evening. May I speak with Mr. and Mrs. David and Yuna Hollander, please?
Mother: Speaking. This is Yuna.
Coroner: Mrs. Hollander, my name is Daniel Leblanc. I’m an investigator with the Coroner’s Office of Québec. Is your husband with you at this time?
Mother: Why? He’s in bed already, it’s awfully late. Can I help you?
Coroner: Ma’am, I would advise that you get your husband on the line before we continue, please.
Mother: Hold on. Alright.
[muffled movement]
Mother: David. Hey— there’s someone on the phone, he says he needs to talk to both of us. I’ll put it on speaker.
Father: Hello?
Coroner: Mr. and Mrs. Hollander, good evening. Before we continue, can you please confirm that you are the parents of Shane Hollander, born May 10th, 1991?
Father: Yes.
Mother: Is Shane okay?
[pause]
Coroner: I’m very sorry to tell you this. Your son, Shane, was found deceased earlier tonight, in his apartment in Montréal.
[silence]
Mother: …What?
Father: No. What? No, that can’t be right.
Mother: No, no, no—
Coroner: I am so sorry.
Mother: There has to be some kind of mistake. That’s not possible. We talked to him yesterday.
Father: What do you mean, deceased? What happened?
Coroner: Emergency services were called to his home this evening, when a friend went to check on him after he didn’t show up to work. Every effort to help him was made, but he had already passed away prior to paramedics arriving.
[sound of crying]
Father: Oh my god.
Mother: Was there an accident? How the hell did this happen?
Coroner: At this stage, his death appears to involve an overdose of medication. The investigation is ongoing, but so far, there seems to be no indication of foul play.
Father: Jesus Christ.
Mother: …no. That’s not— Shane would never. He wouldn’t.
Coroner: I understand this is extremely difficult news. I’m very, very sorry.
[inaudible, crying]
Father: Yuna… honey…
Coroner: Mr. Hollander, is there someone you can call to be there with you and your wife tonight?
Father: Yes. My sister lives nearby. I’ll see if she can— (voice breaks) come over.
Coroner: I would strongly suggest contacting a support person as soon as possible, to be with you as you process this news.
Mother: Did he do it on purpose? Or was it an accident? I mean— was there a note or something?
Coroner: There were several letters discovered at the scene. They’ve been taken in as evidence for the time being, but will be released to you when the investigation allows it.
Mother: Oh… Shane…
Father: Was he alone?
Coroner: Yes, sir.
[pause]
Father: Who found him?
Coroner: A friend by the name of Hayden Pike entered the apartment tonight and called for emergency services.
Father: God… that poor kid.
Mother: How did we not know? I had no idea Shane was even—
[crying]
Coroner: Mrs. Hollander, this is not your fault.
[silence]
Coroner: The next steps will involve formal identification procedures, and coordinating with the funeral home of your choice. An investigator will be available to assist you with this. I know this is overwhelming, and it’s late— no big decisions need to be made tonight.
Mother: Where is Shane now? Is he all alone?
Coroner: He has been transported to the coroner’s office facility in Montréal. A formal postmortem examination will be completed soon.
Mother: Do we have to come… identify him?
Coroner: Likely not— given the abundance of identification at the scene, and the positive ID by Mr. Pike, there’s a good chance we’ll be able to proceed without an in-person identification. An investigator will discuss that with you tomorrow, once the intake process is complete.
Mother: He must be so cold. I don’t want him to be alone. He gets cold.
Coroner: He is safe in our care, Mrs. Hollander.
[crying]
Father: What do we need to do tonight?
Coroner: The most important thing is making sure the two of you are not alone tonight. I would also advise informing family members as soon as possible— given your son’s status as a public figure, I imagine this news might break by morning. We’ll be informing the Metros organization tonight, and I imagine they’ll release a statement early tomorrow.
Father: Jesus. Okay. Yeah. His grandparents can’t hear this from the news. God.
Coroner: There are a few additional questions I need to ask, if you’re alright to continue for a few more minutes. These can wait until morning, if needed, but collecting the information now will help our intake process.
Mother: Sure. Alright. Let’s do it now.
Coroner: Did Shane have any known medical conditions, recent surgeries, or prescribed medications?
Mother: No. He— well, he’d been having trouble sleeping. And he’s always been pretty anxious, high-strung, you know— even when he was little— but I don’t think he’s ever seen a doctor or therapist about it. I didn’t think it was this bad.
Coroner: Thank you.
Father: You said he left letters. Did it— look like he planned this?
[pause]
Coroner: There were several letters, addressed to loved ones, and it did appear that he had his affairs in order. There was a note left beside him that said I’m sorry. I understand this may be very difficult to hear.
[a loud sob]
Father: Yuna, Yuna… honey… come here.
Coroner: Mr. and Mrs. Hollander… I know this is an impossibly difficult conversation to absorb. Tonight, focus on supporting each other and talking to your loved ones. Tomorrow, our office will help you through this process one step at a time. I’ll give you my direct line, and you can call me back tonight if you have any questions.
Father: Okay. Thank you.
[exchange of contact information, redacted]
Coroner: Again, I am very sorry for your loss.
Father: Thank you.
Coroner: Take care of each other tonight.
[call ends]
Montréal General Hospital
ER Nursing Admission Note
January 14, 2017
19:55
Patient: Pike, Hayden Alexander
DOB: August 8, 1990
Age: 26
Triage Nurse: Marie-François Tremblay, RN
Chief Complaint: Acute panic attack / severe emotional distress following traumatic event
HPI: Patient transported via EMS. Per EMS report, patient contacted 911 after conducting a wellness check on a friend, and finding same deceased. Patient initiated CPR per dispatcher instruction prior to EMS arrival. EMS states patient became increasingly distressed when resuscitation efforts were terminated and police arrived. EMS documented severe anxiety reaction with dizziness, nausea, and near-syncope.
On arrival to ER, patient presents pale, shaking, diaphoretic, hyperventilating, crying uncontrollably, intermittently dry heaving into emesis bag. Repeatedly stating: "He killed himself," "I left him there," "He was so cold," "I didn’t know what to do." Difficulty answering questions due to emotional distress.
SpO2 on arrival measured 89% on room air while patient was hyperventilating. 4L O2 delivered via nasal cannula improved oxygen saturation to 98%. Respiratory distress improved partially with coaching and reassurance.
Patient reports deceased was his best friend and godfather to his children. States he has felt increasingly anxious throughout the day since deceased did not show up to work in the morning. Patient is reluctant to call wife because he "can’t tell her yet," too acutely distressed to provide phone number.
MSE: Patient AOx3 but acutely distressed. Well dressed and groomed, appears as stated age. Demonstrates signs consistent with acute stress reaction:
- Tachypnea
- Pallor
- Tremors
- Emotional lability, consistent crying
- Intermittent dissociative episodes
- Recurrent verbal intrusions regarding event
Denies suicidal ideation, homicidal ideation, or self-harm intent. No evidence of intoxication.
Vital Signs:
BP: 154/96
HR: 139 bpm
RR: 30/min
Temp: 36.8
SpO2: 88% RA, 98% 4L O2 (nasal prongs)
Physical Assessment: No acute physical injury noted. Bilateral hand redness/swelling consistent with CPR administration. Complains of chest tightness, dizziness, nausea. ECG ordered per tachycardia/chest discomfort protocol, however symptoms appear anxiety related.
Intervention: Patient escorted to quiet treatment room. Oxygen administered. Verbal grounding/reassurance provided; breathing exercises minimally efficient. Cold compress and ice water provided. ED physician notified for assessment. Social work and crisis response consults requested.
Nursing Impression: Acute traumatic stress response/panic attack secondary to discovering deceased loved one and participating in unsuccessful resuscitation attempt. Patient currently medically stable but psychologically overwhelmed. Requires continued monitoring, supportive care, and psychiatric/social work evaluation prior to discharge.
Montréal General Hospital
Social Work Consult
January 14, 2017
20:45
Patient: Pike, Hayden Alexander
DOB: August 8, 1990
Age: 26
Consult received, chart reviewed. Met with patient in ER treatment room, patient consented to discussion.
Per chart, patient arrived via ambulance after discovering and unsuccessfully attempting to resuscitate deceased best friend, earlier tonight.
Received patient sitting on stretcher, hunched over, with marked psychomotor agitation present: trembling hands, fidgeting, readjusting posture often. Frequently rubbing face and hands while crying. Appeared overwhelmed and could not make eye contact. Intermittently dissociated during conversation, required repeated grounding.
Patient repeatedly stated:
- "I should’ve been there sooner."
- "I knew something was wrong."
- "He was alone."
- "He was cold."
- "He killed himself."
- "I can’t tell Jackie."
Patient described intense guilt re: inability to resuscitate deceased, despite logically knowing his friend had likely died earlier in the day. Patient stated he "failed" as a friend, for not realizing the deceased was a danger to himself, allowing deceased to go home alone last night.
Patient reports deceased was "like family" and that they have known each other their entire adult lives; patient and deceased were teammates on the Montréal Metros. Patient expressed fear re: upcoming media attention surrounding tonight’s incident.
Supportive crisis intervention provided at bedside. Assisted patient with grounding techniques and breathing exercises for acute stress management. Patient stated he "couldn’t tell" his wife and requested writer assist with this conversation.
Patient and writer called patient’s wife (Jackie Pike ###-###-####) from patient’s cellphone at bedside, at approximately 21:00.
During call, patient initially could not speak beyond crying. Writer introduced self and informed spouse that patient was admitted to Montréal General for severe distress after a traumatic event. Spouse was aware patient had been planning to check on their friend tonight. With support, patient was able to disclose to spouse that he found their friend deceased at home.
Patient became markedly distressed during phone call, crying heavily and hyperventilating. Expressed worry re: disclosing loss of the deceased to his children. Spouse reassured him, promised they would handle it together and informed him she would be en route to the hospital as soon as she found someone to stay home with the children.
Following phone call, patient laid supine on stretcher, hiding face in hands and struggling to regulate breathing. Writer provided comfort and reassurance.
Plan:
- Remain in ED until spouse arrives.
- Continue monitoring.
- Provide trauma/grief resources prior to discharge.
- Recommend follow up with psychologist experienced in trauma exposure.
Francine Mercier, MSW
Mom and Dad,
I don’t know what to say. This is so hard.
I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for how much pain this is going to cause you. I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger. I’m sorry I won’t be there to explain anything to you myself.
Please believe me that you did nothing wrong. I love you both so much. You were the best parents I could’ve ever, ever asked for. So many of my favourite memories are with you guys, and I’m so grateful for every single thing you did to support me my whole life. I love you, I love you, I love you.
I’m sorry.
The truth is that I’m so tired. I’ve been tired for a long time, I think, but especially the past few months. I don’t know the last time I felt relaxed or happy. I can’t keep going like this. I feel like an asteroid burning itself out: bright while it lasted, but it can’t go forever. I hope that makes sense, I’m terrible at metaphors.
I need you to know something I couldn’t say out loud.
I’m gay.
I tried not to be for a long time. I thought if I tried hard enough, I could just be normal— find a girl, get married, have kids… but that’s just not going to happen. I’m one hundred percent gay, and I wish I wasn’t. I hate it. I didn’t ask for this.
There’s no way for me to live as myself and still have hockey, at least not in the same way. I let hockey become my entire life, and I thought that was enough. Keep my head down, work harder than everyone else, don’t let the locker room talk get to me, lie every time someone asks about my love life or my "roster" or why I’m always alone. Stay trapped behind the glass, keep being Canada’s Golden Boy, maybe come out someday after I retire, if I meet the right guy.
That sounded okay for a while… but I’m so fucking lonely. I can’t keep doing this. I’m lonely, and I’m sad, and I’m tired. I hate myself so much, and just want it all to stop.
So that’s kind of it, I guess. That’s why I did this. There was nothing you could have done differently, because I couldn’t tell you any of this while I was alive. Not because of anything you did, I promise. I think you would’ve been good about it, if I ever got brave enough to put it all out there. I just couldn’t do it. I’m not brave.
I don’t want anyone to think I wasn’t grateful for the life I had. There were so many good things going for me— I mean, back to back cups?? the Olympics?? That’s insane. I can’t believe I did that. I love my sport, and I love my team, and I just wish there was a way to keep all of that while being true myself, without having to be "the gay one" AND "the Asian one" and whatever else people would call me. What if I just wanted to be Shane?
The world would never have accepted me. I don’t think my team would have accepted me. Coming out, or being outed, would ruin my life. I’m terrified all the time. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t think. I’m always worried someone is going to find out. This is no way to live. I’m so so sorry, but I can’t take it anymore.
Please don’t let this be the only thing people say about me. I don’t want to be the hockey player who killed himself. I want to be Shane fucking Hollander. I want my legacy to be about who I was, not how I died.
Remember me playing mini sticks in the basement. Remember me talking about hockey all summer break until it was finally time to play hockey again in the fall. Remember how excited we all were when I got drafted. Remember coming onto the ice when I won the cup, when we got to hug under the confetti.
Remember me laughing. Remember me smiling. I know I didn’t do those much, but please don’t forget that I did them.
Remember I loved you so much.
There are more people like me in hockey, I’m sure. Some are kids. Some are active players. Some are retired. I can’t be the only one going through this. I hope things get better, I hope the world gets kinder, and I hope I can make a difference. I have the paperwork ready to start a foundation in my name. I hope people like me might get to have a life without fear.
I’m sorry I couldn’t imagine that life for myself anymore.
I love you forever and ever.
Your Shanebug
Marly
January 15, 2017 - 10:13 AM
yoooo cap are you seeing this??? holy fuck
the news about hollander i mean
god that’s so fucked i srsly can’t believe it
i wonder what happened it didn’t say how he died
roz?? u there??
are you coming to practice today? i don’t think we’re doing much, they have some therapists and stuff coming in for if anyone wants to talk bc of the news, everyone’s kinda rattled
i know you didn’t like the guy but you guys knew each other hey?
please answer me man
@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer
[IMAGE: Shane, laughing at something off-camera, his helmet loose on his head. It’s a candid photo during practice— he’s on the ice, leaning on his stick, looking relaxed, clearly talking to a teammate, amused by whatever they said. He looks younger than he has in a long time, even though it’s a recent picture. At the bottom of the photo, text reads: Shane Hollander, 1991-2017.]
As a mother, the past few days have felt unreal and impossible to put into words.
My son, Shane Hollander, was a star— not simply because he was the greatest hockey player in a generation, but because of all the ways he shined in every single part of his life. Hockey was his passion, of course, but he was so much more than what you saw on the ice.
He carried himself with kindness, dignity, grace, and tenacity. He was determined and hard-working. He cared deeply for others— his teammates, his family, the kids in the stands wearing his jersey. He checked on his teammates after tough losses. He called his parents after almost every game. He never walked away without signing every autograph for every kid. He practiced every skill until he couldn’t get it wrong.
He was the captain, role model, and inspiration that Montréal deserved. He exemplified the sport of hockey at its very, very best.
This weekend, Shane passed away on his own terms, after a long and difficult battle with mental health.
What we, his family, want people to understand is simple: Shane was loved, completely and wholly. By myself and his father, by his friends, by his large family of aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents, by his team, by his city, and by his country.
Shane was also human.
He lived with the weight of pressure and expectations you can only understand if you’ve lived it. Professional sports can make people seem larger than life, but ultimately, they are just people. Behind his many incredible achievements, Shane was also carrying pain, fear, and loneliness that even those close to him could never fully see. He hid it well, and he carried it alone for too long.
If there is anything meaningful to take from this loss, let it be a reminder to check on the people you love. Let it give you courage to open up to someone, if you find yourself struggling. Let it guide us all to meet people with grace, because you never know what they might be carrying.
Shane gave everything he had to the sport that he loved. I know his legacy will live far beyond the accolades he won or the statistics he racked up. We are so grateful for the outpouring of support from the hockey community. Seeing sticks on front porches, the memorial at Centre Bell, and the tributes pouring in on social media mean more than you know.
Shane’s spirit lives on in every kid who picks up their first hockey stick and finds a passion for the game lighting up inside them.
We love you, Shanebug.
Rest easy.
Jane
January 16, 2017 - 11:40 PM
i don’t understand
this can’t be real
soon i will wake up and this is all bad dream
shane please i love you
i am so sorry
if there was anything i could have done different to save you i promise i would do it
Dear Lily,
How fucked up is it that I can’t even write your real name on here? Even now, it feels too dangerous, because the last thing I want to do is out you. I really hope someone makes sure this is sent to the address on the envelope.
Maybe that’s the saddest part. After all this time, we still have to hide.
I want you to know how sorry I am. I know we haven’t talked in a while, and I know that’s my fault— I’m sorry I left things the way they were. I’m sorry I walked out that day. I’m sorry I switched up on you, I’m sorry I panicked, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you deserve.
I’ve been replaying it in my head all the time, lately. I think I was a lost cause the minute I walked into your house. There was no way I was walking out with things still casual between us, so I had to put a stop to it.
I wish it could’ve gone the other way. I wish I could’ve admitted how much I care about you, how much I truly enjoy your company (even when we’re not fucking), how often I think of you when we’re apart. I wish I was brave enough to say what I wanted: more. With you. Only you.
But I got scared.
I knew it could never happen. I thought about how badly I wanted you, and then I thought about what could happen if we got caught— getting outed, losing our careers, rumours spiralling, people looking at us differently. I thought about what I would be asking of you if I said I wanted you to be mine.
I thought about what you said— you like girls. You could have a safer, easier life without me in it.
I’m gay. Not bi, not experimenting. Just gay. I’m never going to have the easy, normal life with a wife and kids. It’s either sneaking around or dying alone, and I can’t inflict the first option on you anymore, so I’m going with option two.
I just read all of that back, and I hope this doesn’t come across like I’m blaming you in any way, because I’m not. You were a light in my life. You were amazing. If I didn’t have you, I probably would’ve done this a long time ago, but I treasured our moments together and wanted more of them. It was selfish of me, really. I wanted too much.
I love you.
I’m so sorry.
- Shane
@rozanovilya81
[IMAGE: An outtake from the 2009 CCM photoshoot, Shane and Ilya are crouched for a face-off, but have clearly broken character. Ilya’s head is tipped forward, shoulders hunched with laughter, while Shane looks at him with an unabashed grin, just as amused, bracing himself with his stick. They look young and fresh-faced, just two teenagers having fun.]
I have been thinking for days about what to say.
Shane was the greatest player I have ever shared the ice with. He made me better, from the first time we ever faced off. He made the game better. He was everything hockey should be.
He was also the nicest person I know, off the ice. Many people think we hate each other, but this is simply not true. Shane was impossible to hate. We were closer than anyone knew: how could we not be, growing up side by side in this sport?
I will miss playing against him. I will miss laughing with him. I will miss teasing him and him telling me to go fuck myself, with that smile where you know he does not mean it. I will miss my dear friend.
I send my love and care to his family and his team.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Shane’s Service
Ilya,
I hope it’s alright that I’m contacting you directly like this.
First of all, I saw the statement and the photo you posted. My husband and I were very touched to hear how highly you thought of Shane. We had never seen that picture of you two before, and I just love his smile in it. I have to admit, I was one of the "many people" who assumed you boys didn’t get along, but it makes me glad to know that wasn’t truly the case.
While going through Shane’s final instructions, there was a specific note about his funeral preferences. In it, he requested that we personally invite you to the private service.
His specific words were: "Please invite Ilya Rozanov to my funeral. I know this sounds weird, but it’s really important to me that he’s there. He’ll know why. Make sure he comes. Don’t let him go through this alone."
I found this a bit surprising. Shane talked about you often over the years, but always in the context of hockey— playoff odds, injury speculation, statistics and the scoring race. Looking back now though, with new context, I can remember the way he called you an "asshole" with that same smile you described in your post. I think perhaps we didn’t understand the full picture of your relationship and what you meant to each other.
You don’t owe us any explanation. You lost a friend, and my heart breaks for you. Shane wanted you at the service, and that’s all I need to know for me to want you there too.
Shane’s private funeral will be held in Ottawa on Wednesday afternoon, before the more public memorial service in Montréal on Thursday. Attached are the details for both events. We hope you’ll be able to join us on Wednesday.
Please feel free to be in touch at my personal cell number ###-###-####. Whatever your relationship to Shane was, this loss must be incredibly painful, and I intend to take the line "Don’t let him go through this alone" to heart. It’s obvious you mattered deeply to my son, and he was worried about you, even at his darkest moment.
Take care, Ilya. I hope you’ve got people around you that you can talk to about this. If not, please give me a call anytime. I look forward to meeting you.
Sincerely,
Yuna Hollander
[Cover]
In Loving Memory
Shane Hollander
May 10, 1991 - January 14, 2017
[Inside, left]
Private Funeral Service
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Capital Funeral Home & Cemetery
Ottawa, ON
Reception to follow, hosted by David and Yuna Hollander at their family home.
All are welcome.
Officiated by Rev. Mark Hollander (aka. Grandpa Marky)
Pallbearers:
Hayden Pike
Jean-Jacques Dagenais
Soren Miitka
Mikhail Andropov
Marc-André Thériault
Ilya Rozanov
Order of Service:
Opening Prayer
Words from Family and Friends
Tribute Video
Moment of Silence and Viewing
Closing Blessing
[Inside, right]
Shane was a beloved son, teammate, and friend whose kindness touched the hearts of many more than he could have realized.
From the first time he stepped onto the ice, at three years old, hockey became the language through which he connected with the world. His talent, leadership, and dedication brought him to the highest level of the game, where he proudly served as captain of the Montréal Metros.
Those who knew him will remember him as more than a great hockey player. They will remember the gentle, quiet young man behind the spotlight and accolades. They will remember the smile and laugh that appeared in those rare moments when he let his guard down.
Shane has asked his family to "remember me laughing, remember me smiling."
[Back cover]
The Hollander family extends their deepest gratitude to all attendees for their overwhelming kindness and care shown during this difficult time.
In lieu of flowers, donations maybe be made to the Game Changers Foundation, a charity established by Shane himself as his final act of selflessness, supporting athlete mental health and LGBTQ+ inclusion in sport.
Shane’s Eulogy
My best friend’sSome words about Shane
I don’t really know how to do this. I shouldn’t have to be doing this right now.
Sitting and writing this was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do— and I’ve been at the extra practices Shane would lead while we were on losing streaks, running bag skates until everyone was laid out flat on the ice.
(pause here if people laugh. please laugh, people.)
How do I sum up my best friend into "a few words" to say at his funeral? Shane was one of my favourite people in the world. He was my friend, my teammate, the godfather to my children, and as my wife Jackie likes to joke, our oldest son. We always kept our fridge stocked with food for whatever new performance diet he was trying that week, and his forever drink of choice, Canada Dry.
I met Shane for the first time at a hockey camp in Toronto, in 2004. I flew all the way there from Alberta for a nationwide U15 selects event, and I was so terrified for our first skate that I managed to tie my skates together without even noticing. Shane was across from me in the locker room, keeping to himself… until he pointed to my feet and just said "Dude. Come on." He didn’t even smile until I started laughing at myself, and then we both cracked up— he was always the type of person who laughed with you, not at you, even at thirteen years old.
We didn’t see each other again until our first Metros training camp, after we happened to both be drafted there. I wasn’t sure if he’d remember me— he was already such a big name, and I was some second round pick from out west— but when I sat down beside him in the locker room, he elbowed me and said "Don’t tie them together this time, hey?"
From that moment on, he was just… there. Every important moment of my life, he’s somewhere in the picture— our first NHL game, my wedding, our Stanley Cups, fumbling through how to hold a baby properly when my twins were born, flying out to Lethbridge with me for my dad’s funeral. Shane was always around, and I can’t help but feel like I took that for granted I genuinely thought we’d be next door neighbours in an old folk’s home someday, still arguing over hockey stats.
I didn’t know how much he was suffering
I should’ve seen that something was wrong
What Shane hid very well, was that he was carrying a lot more than anyone realized. We all looked at him and saw what he wanted us to see: a leader, a role model, a captain, a franchise player. He was good at keeping people at a distance— I knew him as a private person, and maybe I should’ve tried harder to dig in deeper when he put his walls up.
I wish he had understood how much he was loved outside of hockey. I wish he knew how many people would’ve been there for him, would’ve supported him, if he’d ever opened up.
I wish I could’ve found him sooner
I miss my best friend. That’s about all I can say. It’s hard to imagine my life without him in it. I’m sure a lot of you in this room are as devastated and heartbroken as I am, and that’s the only thing that makes this any easier— we’re not alone. Shane was never alone, even if he couldn’t always see that.
Shane… I love you, buddy. Thank you for being an amazing friend. I hope you’ve found some peace. I hope everything that was hurting you and weighing on you has finally eased off and let you rest.
I’ll really, really miss you.
More Than 21,000 Attend Public Memorial for Shane Hollander, Metros Captain
By Daniel Mercier | TSN | January 19, 2017
MONTREAL — The arena where Shane Hollander became one of the defining hockey players of a generation fell completely silent Thursday afternoon.
More than 21,000 mourners packed Centre Bell for a public memorial service honouring the beloved Montreal Metros captain, who died on Saturday at just 25 years old. The news of his sudden death shook the world of hockey, with many NHL teams cancelling their games on Sunday to allow their players to grieve a widely respected player and leader.
Fans lined the streets outside the arena for hours before doors opened, many wearing the young star’s #24 jersey, leaving flowers, cards, and hockey sticks at a growing shrine near the main entrance. Inside, the arena had a small stage at centre ice surrounded by candles and mementos of Hollander’s career, including the Stanley Cup, which he won back-to-back in 2015 and 2016.
The atmosphere was a stark difference from game day, with many attendees openly crying throughout the service, particularly as speakers shared stories of Hollander’s private kindness and humour. A particularly emotional moment came when Hollander’s parents tearfully spoke to his longtime struggles with anxiety and mental health, encouraging those listening to check on their loved ones, even those who seem happy.
Among attendees were some of the biggest names in hockey: Hall of Famers, current NHL captains and players, league executives, and coaches. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Québec Premier Philippe Couillard both attended, alongside Hollander’s friends and family.
Perhaps one of the most closely watched figures at the service was Ilya Rozanov, captain of the Boston Raiders, who was Hollander’s on-ice rival throughout his career. The two were often said to be alone at the top, all-time greats in their field, matched only in skill by each other. Rozanov sat a row behind Hollander’s parents and appeared visibly emotional throughout the ceremony. At one point, cameras captured Hollander’s mother turning back to talk to him, holding his hand for a moment during remarks by Marc-André Thériault, Hollander’s longtime head coach.
"Anyone who spent five minutes around Hollander and I could tell you that we were very different men," Thériault said, at the podium. "I can’t tell you how many times I’d be losing my mind behind the bench, headed into overtime, yelling and barking and snapping my clipboard… and Holly would just wait, stare at me like are you done?, before jumping over the boards and scoring one with ten seconds to go. It drove me insane. That was our relationship— challenging each other, arguing because we saw the game differently, but ultimately always doing what needed to be done. I’ve been in this game a long time, and I can safely say Shane Hollander was the greatest athlete I’ve ever coached, whether we saw eye to eye or not. I’d give anything to lose another argument to him."
Several Metros players spoke, including alternate captains Hayden Pike and Jean-Jacques "J.J." Dagenais, who cried openly while recounting their close friendships with Hollander over the years.
Dagenais spoke in a mix of English and French, telling stories of how Hollander was always the last to leave after practices, often staying late to work with anyone who needed one-on-one advice or encouragement. Dagenais described Hollander as "quiet, maybe shy sometimes, but so funny and caring when you get to know him." In a twist on the classic idea of "pouring out" a drink, usually alcohol, for a deceased loved one, Dagenais encouraged attendees to "Drink a ginger ale tonight in honour of our boy, and don’t pour any out, or he’ll be angry you wasted it."
Pike spoke about a more intimate side of Hollander, sharing memories of his children’s "Uncle Shane" joining them for family dinners and excursions, fully accepted as part of the family. He thanked Hollander’s parents for "sharing [their] son with all of us," and stated that he wished he could have one more chance to speak to his best friend and "let him know how loved he was."
Throughout the memorial, speakers referenced the importance of mental health support for professional athletes. New York Admirals captain, Scott Hunter, who spoke on behalf of the NHL Players’ Association, put out an open offer for any player in the league to contact him directly for support if they find themselves feeling isolated or unable to talk to their team.
As the service ended, arena lights dimmed save for a spotlight on Hollander’s jersey, hanging in the rafters. The moment of silence was poignant and almost surreal.
The screens displayed a simple message:
I can’t be the only one going through this. I hope things get better, I hope the world gets kinder, and I hope I can make a difference.
- Shane Hollander, 1991–2017
Mr. and Mrs. Hollander,
I am sorry for writing you this letter instead of saying it properly. I tried many times after the funeral, but every time I opened my mouth, I felt like I could not breathe.
Your family has shown me such kindness over the last days, probably more than I deserve. I am very grateful for this.
There are things about Shane and I that you should know— not because I want to make this any more hard for you, of course not, but because you deserve to know your son’s truth. He spent so long hiding, and I want to help free him from this, if only a little.
I do not know the right English words for this, and I have rewritten this sentence many times, so I give up:
Shane and I were lovers.
Since the summer before our rookie season, we met in hotel rooms and snuck around our cities, texted each other all the time, and stole moments together when we could. He was one of the most important people in my life. We were so afraid to get caught, afraid of what it could mean for us, that we did not tell a single person. When I found out he had died, I realized our secret would die with him if I did not share it with someone.
The cruelest part is that in all of this fear, we were afraid of each other. We did not talk about our feelings. I did not tell him I was in love with him, and he did not tell me he felt the same until his final letter to "Lily" arrived in my mail. We loved each other, and we did not say it out loud, even in secret.
I need you to know I loved your son with my whole heart.
In November, he visited my house in Boston before a game. We spent an afternoon together— napping, cooking, watching hockey. It was probably the happiest I have ever been.
But it was scary.
Because suddenly it did not feel like just a casual meeting, anymore. It felt like we wanted to be something real, which could never be possible for us, not in this world. We did not say this out loud, but I think we both realized it, and Shane left. We did not talk, text, or anything again after this. The last thing he said to me in person was: "I can’t do this."
I wonder if I had begged him to stay, maybe things would be different now. Maybe if I had told him I loved him, he would still be here. I have thought about this every hour since hearing the news.
I am telling you this because I need to not be the only one who knows. When you invited me to the funeral, I knew he must have told you something, but not the whole truth, because he did not want to share my half of the secret without me.
I understand now how a person can become so exhausted from hiding. I am so very tired of being alone in this.
I loved your son with everything I had. Thank you for raising someone so wonderful.
- Ilya
Yuna Hollander
January 19, 2017 - 11:50PM
Hayden, I’m sorry to text so late, but are you awake?
Yeah. Everything okay?
Not really. Maybe this is an odd request, but do you happen to have Ilya Rozanov’s number? Or a way to get it? I gave him mine, but he hasn’t been in touch.
Ummm I don’t have it but I think I have a couple guys on the Raiders that I could ask
Why?
He left us a note after he went back to Boston earlier today, and David and I just read it.
He said that he was in a secret relationship with Shane for years. They were in love and terrified of anyone finding out.
The letter is heartbreaking. I’m very, very worried about him.
Jesus Christ
I had no idea
I was wondering why Roz seemed so wrecked at the funeral but I guess that makes sense
He said some things about being tired of being alone and exhausted from hiding. The entire letter reads like he’s in a really bad place.
It sounds a lot like Shane’s letter.
Fuck
Ok I’ll text anyone I think might have his number
I’ll see if I can get someone in Boston to check on him maybe
Please do
I feel terrible putting this on your shoulders but I wasn’t sure who else to ask
No I’m glad you asked I want to help
I’m kinda freaking out a little but I’m with Jackie
ok I have Cliff Marleau’s number I’m gonna call him
Marly
January 20, 2017 - 12:40AM
Roz open up buddy I’m outside
No
I can see your lights on I know you’re home
I’m not leaving
Let me in
Stop creeping around my house like criminal
I’m standing on your porch with cookies I’m not creeping
I do not want cookies or company
Fuck off
Not gonna happen pal
I got a call from Hayden Pike asking me to check on you because Hollander’s mom is worried
So I’m confused as fuck but I didn’t ask too many questions just came over
I did not want to worry her
Well apparently you wrote her a letter that made it sound like you were gonna walk into the ocean so mission failed on that front
Pike really called you?
Yeah he sounded pretty nervous and I don’t blame him
Open the door Roz
I am so tired
I know buddy
That’s why I’m here
Open up
Look you don’t even have to talk to me
I’ll just sit on your couch and you can go to bed or whatever but I can’t let you be alone tonight
I am fine Marly
Please go
No
Roz cmon man just let me in I’m fucking cold
But I’ll freeze my ass to your porch if I have to
I keep thinking I should call Shane
Every text I think for a second maybe it’s him
I can’t do this
Ilya I’m fucking serious get your ass up and come open this door I’m really worried man
I’ll bust a window
If you don’t let me in I’m calling the cops because I’m not fucking letting this happen
I will not do anything bad
Yeah I don’t believe you
You can’t tell anyone
About me and Shane
tbh I don’t know what there is to tell because I’m really fucking confused right now but I promise
Whatever’s going on I’m here for you
I’m unlocking door
You are annoying
Boston Medical Center - Brighton
ER Nursing Admission Note
January 20, 2017
03:47 hrs
Patient: Rozanov, Ilya Grigorievich
DOB: June 15, 1991
Age: 25
Triage Nurse: Sophia Nguyen, RN
Chief Complaint: Suicidal ideation, acute grief reaction, insomnia, alcohol use
HPI: Patient presented voluntarily to ER via private vehicle, accompanied by close friend (Cliff Marleau) after expressing thoughts of suicide and a fear of hurting himself.
Per collateral from Mr. Marleau, patient has experienced low mood for approximately three months, with a severe emotional deterioration over the past week, triggered by the death and funeral of a loved one. Mr. Marleau reports arriving to the patient’s home for a wellness check around 01:00 tonight, where patient initially tried to isolate himself inside. When Mr. Marleau gained access to the house, patient appeared tearful and withdrawn, refusing to speak. However, as the evening continued, Mr. Marleau reports patient appeared more visibly intoxicated and became agitated: "talking faster and faster," pacing continuously, intermittently crying and yelling, and making statements such as:
- "I should just go with him."
- "I can’t do this anymore."
- "Everyone leaves me."
- "There’s nothing left for me."
Mr. Marleau states that around 03:00, patient stated he was afraid to be alone because he "wasn’t sure what [he] might do." Patient was then transported to ER for safety assessment.
Patient reports very little sleep over past week (1-2 hours per night). States he has been "unable to stop thinking" since learning of his friend’s death by suicide. Endorses recurrent intrusive thoughts, severe guilt, alternating emotional numbness and agitation, difficulty eating, and escalating feelings of hopelessness.
Patient refers to deceased friend as "the most important person in my life" and becomes visibly distressed when speaking about them. Repeatedly references regret, secrets, and an unresolved conflict with the deceased individual.
Patient acknowledges alcohol consumption tonight, however could not identify an amount beyond "too much." Denies ingestion of any medications tonight.
MSE: Patient AOx3. Appears physically unkempt and exhausted. Pacing room continuously, marked psychomotor agitation present. Labile affect with intermittent crying throughout assessment, pressured/rapid speech.
Patient endorses suicidal ideation, fluctuating between passive and active. States "I think I would not do anything if Marly stayed with me, but I don’t know." Patient further states "I understand now why people get tired of fighting."
Denies current suicide plan or preparatory actions, but unable to confidently safety plan for discharge at this time.
No evidence of psychosis or hallucinations. Insight preserved. Judgement impaired by intoxication and sleep deprivation.
Support person reports patient is historically emotionally "closed off" and that current presentation is extremely far from baseline.
Vital Signs:
BP: 138/88
HR: 90 bpm
RR: 24/min
Temp: 98.2
SpO2: 99% RA
Physical Assessment: No acute physical injury noted. Patient pale, fatigued, with visible tremor in bilateral hands. Smell of alcohol present. Patient reports nausea, dizziness, and headache consistent with sleep deprivation/anxiety/alcohol use.
Interventions:
- Patient placed in private, monitored room.
- Suicide risk precautions initiated. Personal belongings secured at nursing station, per protocol. Support person permitted at bedside.
- IV fluids started.
- Urgent psychiatry consult requested.
- Patient agreeable to pharmacological intervention for sleep/anxiety management.
Nursing Impression:
Patient presents with acute suicidal ideation, secondary to traumatic bereavement, profound grief, severe sleep deprivation, and alcohol intoxication. Elevated short-term risk for suicide, presently unsafe to discharge.
Pending psychiatry consult, current plan is for patient to remain overnight for observation, and re-attempt formal safety planning once rested and sober.
Boston Medical Center - Brighton
Adult Mental Health Services
January 20, 2017
13:25 hrs
Patient: Rozanov, Ilya Grigorievich
DOB: June 15, 1991
Age: 25
Completed by: Dr. Angelica Mendoza, MD, Cliff Marleau (support person)
Suicide Safety Plan
This plan is intended to help identify warning signs, coping strategies, support people, and emergency contacts during periods of emotional distress.
1. Warning signs that I may be entering a crisis
- Not sleeping/staying awake all night
- Drinking alone
- Ignoring texts/calls
- Pacing/being unable to sit still
- Re-reading old messages
- Thoughts like: "I can’t do this anymore," "I’ll never be happy again," "Everyone leaves me," "The world would be better off without me."
- Feeling emotionally numb
2. Things I can do to get myself through the moment
- Tell someone directly "I’m not okay/safe right now."
- Stay around other people (ex. go to Cliff or Sveta’s house)
- Hold ice or splash cold water on my face to interrupt the spiral
- Avoid social media and the news
- Do not touch alcohol
- Don’t look at old photos or texts
3. People I can contact before things get worse
- Cliff Marleau (###-###-####)
- Cliff’s girlfriend, Nicole (###-###-####)
- Svetlana Vetrova (###-###-####)
- Raiders Team Physician, Dr. Eric Brown (###-###-####)
- Yuna Hollander (###-###-####)
4. Reasons to stay safe
- "Shane would be so angry if I caught up to him."
- Teammates care about me
- "Sveta would cry."
- Hockey career
- People look up to me
- Family depends on me
- Future happiness (important, even if it doesn’t feel possible yet)
- "I do not want to die. I just want to feel better."
5. For the next several days
- No alcohol.
- Stay at Cliff + Nicole’s house.
- Prioritize sleeping and eating.
- Limit internet and TV use.
- Return to hospital immediately if symptoms escalate again or become actionable.
Patient Statement:
"I agree to use this plan before acting on thoughts of self-harm and to tell someone directly if I feel unsafe."
Ilya Rozanov
Angelica Mendoza, MD
February 12, 2017
Shane,
My therapist thinks it may be a good idea for me to write to you, instead of sitting with the same horrible feelings I have been drowning in for the past month.
I think you would be proud that I have a therapist. After my first appointment, I wanted to text you about it. I still get that urge very often— I see something that maybe you would like, and I want to tell you about it.
Yesterday, I was in the grocery store, stopped in front of the ginger ale, and had to leave my cart there and run out to my car because I could not breathe. Reminders of you are everywhere, and all they do are remind me that you are dead. I can still barely believe it as I write it.
For my entire career, I have always had in the back of my mind: "When is the next time I will see Shane?" Every schedule included you in some way. I did not go to All Stars this year, because I had been making big plans for months about what I would say when I saw you there. I was always counting down days until I could see you.
And now I am counting nothing. There is an empty space in my life where you should be.
I am so sorry I did not see how much you were struggling.
I am so sorry I did not tell you I loved you as soon as I felt it. I feel so stupid for waiting, for telling myself you would not feel the same. I should have just tried. I would rather live with your rejection than go on without you for the rest of my life.
I got your letter, and I know that you loved me too, and that makes this so much worse. We could have been happy, if we had one more chance to talk. We wasted years being scared of the same thing.
Part of me is so, so angry at you. You left me here, holding our biggest secret, all alone. You loved me, and I loved you, and you left me behind.
You should have stayed.
You should have called me.
I should have physically stopped you from leaving my house that day in November, and forced us to talk about our feelings, and maybe you would still be here.
Maybe that would not have been enough.
I will never know, because you are already gone.
Did you know I lost my mother the same way? Of course not, I never told you, but it is true— my mother swallowed a bottle of pills when I was twelve. Maybe if I had told you this, you would have thought, in the moment, about me, and you would have called me instead of taking those pills.
I found my mother. I heard that Pike found you. Sometimes I think I should call him so we can cry about it together. I hate that I can see it so clearly: you, lying in bed, pills beside you. I wonder if your hand was hanging off the bed, like my mother’s.
Something that comforts me is thinking that maybe she is taking care of you now, the way your parents have been taking care of me.
They sent me baby pictures of you. We talk often. They have been kinder to me than I know how to survive, while they are living through the impossible. We all miss you so much. I wish you could hear how they talk about you— how much love they have for you, how proud they are, how openly they adore you.
My therapist says that grief changes shape when it has been with you for long enough.
Missing my mother feels like a hug, sometimes… so tight that it hurts a little, but warm.
Missing you still feels like being skinned alive.
I hope that someday your memory will feel like a hug. I hope that remembering you will make me smile, instead of tearing me apart.
I will keep going, for you.
I love you.
There. Finally, I told you properly. Too late, but still true.
Always true.
- Ilya
Ilya Rozanov Announces Leadership Role in Hollander’s "Game Changers" Foundation: "No One Should Have to Do This Alone"
By Daniel Mercier | TSN | March 31, 2017
OTTAWA — Over two months after the shocking death of Montreal Metros superstar Shane Hollander, one of the game’s most notable players stood before reporters and publicly announced his involvement in continuing Hollander’s legacy.
Ilya Rozanov of the Boston Raiders, often regarded as Hollander’s on-ice rival, shared Friday morning that he will serve as a founding ambassador and primary spokesperson for the newly-established Game Changers Foundation, a charity established to promote suicide prevention, mental health support, and LGBTQ+ inclusion in hockey.
The foundation, launched by Hollander’s parents, had reportedly already been in development prior to Hollander’s passing in January. According to the family, Hollander had completed much of the organizational planning himself— drafting his own mission statements, fundraising structures, and outreach proposals.
Friday’s press conference, held at a hotel ballroom in Hollander’s hometown of Ottawa, formally launched the foundation and featured statements from his parents, his teammates, and the unexpected featured guest, Rozanov.
"Many people do not realize that Shane and I were very close," Rozanov stated. "I knew that I wanted to be involved in keeping him alive in any way that I can. I am very proud to be a part of this work."
The foundation will focus on funding emergency mental health access for athletes, confidential counselling resources, education initiatives surrounding emotional wellness in elite sports environments, and inclusion programming for LGBTQ+ youth in hockey and other team sports.
An early statement from Hollander’s mother following his death stated that he "passed away on his own terms," which many have understood to mean that Hollander died by suicide. His family and friends have often alluded to mental health struggles when discussing his untimely death, though details have been kept private.
"He cared so much about this sport and its players," Rozanov said, between frequent pauses to compose himself. "Especially players who felt isolated, or different, or afraid that there may not be a place for them in the sport they love."
Recent speculations about Hollander’s personal life and sexuality— questions regarding the specific inclusion of LGBTQ+ initiatives in his foundation, or his "close" relationship with Rozanov— were not entertained during the press conference. In recent years, professional hockey has faced growing criticism regarding entrenched cultural attitudes of toxic masculinity, racism, and homophobia. Some feel these factors may have contributed to Hollander’s mental health struggles over the years.
NHL Commissioner Roger Crowell issued a statement shortly after the press conference, supporting the foundation’s mission and pledging league cooperation on future initiatives— though his statement notably did not mention LGBTQ+ initiatives, and focused only on the Game Changers Foundation’s mental health advocacy.
The foundation’s first major project— confidential therapy access for Canadian professional and major junior hockey athletes— is expected to launch this fall.
Near the conclusion of the press conference, Rozanov was asked what he hoped people would remember most about Hollander years from now.
For the first time all morning, he smiled.
"He was kind. The first time I met him, when we were seventeen, he shook my hand twice in five minutes because he was the most polite Canadian to this confused Russian boy. I was smoking in front of a no smoking sign that I could not read, because my English was terrible— instead of making fun, he just told me I was in the wrong place, and started talking about hockey. I could barely understand him, but I could tell he was very nice. This is how he was— earnest and kind. I think everyone should know this about him."
Then, after a pause:
"People thought he was serious or scary, but the truth is he was very scared all the time. I think he spent his life worried that people wouldn’t love the real him. I hope wherever he is now, he can see how wrong he was."
The Shane Hollander Legacy Fund, the formal institution of Hollander’s estate, will be matching all donations made to the Game Changers Foundation in its first month of operations, up to ten million dollars.
Further information can be found at www.gamechangers.ca.