Chapter Text
Josh's heart caught in his throat as Lauren shakily told the people surrounding her at the fine oak table of the Vic her tale. He felt his leg begin to shake as he ran her words through his head. They had been held at gunpoint. Gunpoint. Max had to choose. Oscar was gone. His Oscar. His fiancé. The dumb, reckless and loud boy he loved was gone. Just like that. Tears beaded at his eyes and he didn't try to stop them from falling. Jasmine, who was sitting blankly beside him opened her arms, allowing him to crash into her embrace, burying his head into the crevasse of her shoulder. Just like he used to do with Oscar. A broken whine escaped from his mouth at the torturous thought. Jasmine held him tighter. He could hear others crowd around Lauren, comforting her. Josh would, but his heart hurt far too much. He brought his hand up to his face, watching his teary reflection in the ring Oscar had bought for him a couple weeks prior. Cheap and from Penny's stall, but he had given it to him and therefore it meant more than any money could buy. He tried to smile at the fond memory but his mind was far too aghast and wrecked with heartbreak to form one.
Slowly, Jasmine squirmed away slightly as the people began to disperse. Her hands cupped his face as he finally raised his head, distantly watching Lauren and the others as they filed out. His lip quivered and he let his shoulders slump, a hollow feeling growing in his stomach. She wiped away his tears with her thumbs and attempted a smile. Suddenly he felt guilty. She must be suffering too. She loved Oscar as well. She had been the first person to love him. And he was the one out here being comforted. He pressed his head into her hand and managed to form a sentence.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, "you shouldn't be comforting just me. You loved him too."
"Sure I did. But I wasn't the one he was going to marry," she said calmly, though he could see some species of sadness dusted over her face.
He furrowed his brows, letting out the breath he didn't realise he had been holding. It came out shaky and forlorn and Josh curled his fists as he replayed Lauren's words again in his head. Max had to choose between either of them. Once again, Oscar was Max's second choice.
He brushed the thought away and shifted slightly further away from his sister. Josh felt himself shaking, his hands fuzzy blurs and his left leg hopped up and down. The truth still felt so surreal; his stubborn heart refused to accept it. He was so used to hearing Oscar's thunderous voice and his endless rabbles about the wackiest topics that now the world felt so quiet and foreign. It was as if the silence threatened to suffocate them.
There was nobody else in the bar apart from Kat and Alfie, who were conversing quietly in hushed tones. She looked back at him and smiled awkwardly to which he returned it. She stepped forward to say something, but Jasmine dismissed her with a shake of her head. He wasn't sure what she was going to say but he couldn't bring himself to figure it out. His mind was preoccupied. The ring glittered even in the low lighting, and his mind desperately wanted to believe that it was Oscar doing it, a gesture that said I love you. It made his heart hurt even more; a sharp, curt pain passed momentarily by.
They sat there in silence for a little while longer, before he spoke in a whisper, "I want to go home."
Jasmine reacted briefly afterwards, nodding. She put her hand on his back and the other in his hand and helped him up. He could feel the bitter flood of tears building back up in his throat and the affliction settled in his stomach. As he tried to move, he lost his wobbly footing and crumpled back into her arms and she only just managed to catch him.
"I can't. I can't Jas, I c—" his voice broke on the final word and she settled him back down on the sofa, "I miss him. And it's so," he tried to find the right words, "it feels so stupid next to how Lauren or Max must feel. He must've been so scared," he cried, tears running down his face once more.
"Hey, hey, shh. Your grief isn't any less valid than anyone else's, okay? You're allowed to feel like this. Oscar would've wanted you to feel the way you want. I'm sure he appreciates being the centre of attention," she tried to joke.
He giggled at her words and shoved her playfully in the shoulder, "That helped."
"Yes!" she raised a fist, "mission cheering up my brother completed!"
"Okay, that was cringe," he laughed, a proper, genuine smile on his face.
Jasmine shrugged off his comment and snickered to herself before standing up, looking back at him, "Shall we try to stand you up again?" she smiled, reaching out a hand for him to take. He took it gracefully and successfully managed to balance this time. They waved at the two behind the bar, before they plunged out into the bitter winter air. The square felt oddly masked in a sense of emptiness, for as far as Josh could see, there were only a couple of people outside. The atmosphere was heavy, a testament to the amount of tragedies it had witnessed over the years, this one adding to the already huge total.
They crossed to the Trueman's house in a short time and Jasmine lingered sadly at the bottom step as Josh unlocked the door. She smiled a goodbye and promised to call him later, before she headed back for the Vic.
He entered the house, closing the door softly behind him. Yolande waved at him as he walked through the house before heading upstairs. Eventually he made it to his room and flopped onto the bed, the strength oozing out of his body. His chest heaved as he stared longingly at the ceiling, the cream colour seeming gazing back at him. He recalled countless nights where he and Oscar would lay awake after he had snuck in and talked about their future; he remembered how Oscar promised to marry him one day, how once they did they'd buy a house just outside Walford and live their lives in the comfort of each other's presence. Just thinking about it made his heart leap.
But they couldn't do that anymore because he was gone.
Weariness began to bite at Josh as the minutes ticked by until he felt his eyes close and he let the peacefulness of sleep take him away.