Work Text:
The temperature inside the room was cold. Beside me was a large window, casting the blinding light of the sun onto the floor.
The stronger the light, the darker the shadow.
I sat in that shadow, holding in my hand what someone from this world would call a "metia." I don’t know how that name came to be, but it is apparently more valuable here than it was in the world I came from. Honestly, I’m surprised they managed to get it back from Russell-san.
In this world of knights and dragons, this device feels entirely out of place.
I just kept blabbering endlessly. My thoughts kept diverting because I was afraid; it made me self-aware of my tendency to always make the wrong choices due to my outbursts.
Beep!
Huh! It turned on.
While subconsciously hovering my thumb over the power button, fidgeting with the phone, I had casually returned to the habits of modern society. The screen lit up; the angel's descent from heaven, it burned my eyes. The bright off-white bled into the dark as my irises adjusted to the glow.
My face was petrified, my mouth hanging slightly open. I just kept staring into it.
2%
The battery declared its status. Though I knew it would eventually happen, for some reason, it felt terrible. I navigated the menus with pure muscle memory.
Then, the notifications popped up.
Missed Messages.
The room went silent, the quiet only broken by the sound of my clothes brushing against each other. I sat there and opened the 99+ messages I had received.
Since the day I left 10/5/2016
I got too engrossed in it; my awareness and senses went dull as I stared into the screen.
10/6/2016
Dad: Subaru? It's late. Answer your phone.
Are you with a friend? Just send a sticker so we know you're okay.: Mom
I scrolled down. The timestamps began to march forward.
10/20/2016
Mom: I made enough katsudon for three tonight. I put your portion in the fridge. I’ll heat it up the second I hear the door open. I’m staying up, Subaru.
The messages grew heavier, one after another, escalating like a pianist playing a melancholic piece. My heart beat in a rhythm unknown.
11/9/2016
Mom: Please. Just come home. I won't nag you about school anymore. We just want you back.
Subaru, I walked the route to the store ten times today. I looked in every alleyway. I even checked the park where we used to catch bugs. Where did you go? If you’re scared about something, or if you’re in trouble, it doesn't matter. Just come back. I’ll handle the rest. That’s a father’s job, remember?: Dad.
I kept reading. In that moment, it felt like the words made the phone heavier; I felt it becoming hard to hold.
11/16/2016
Dad: Your mother doesn't cry as much anymore, but she doesn't speak much either. The house is too quiet.
And then, suddenly, Mom's texts disappeared.
Dad: Subaru, I’m not mad. I know I used to push you, or maybe I didn't push you enough. I keep playing back our last conversation in my head, trying to find the moment I missed.
My vision slowly narrowed. The brightness was now starting to drain my sanity. Rage, helplessness, sadness, whatever emotion I was feeling, I was unable to describe it with words.
12/23/2016
Dad: Your mother thinks I don't hear her crying in the kitchen at night. I pretend to be asleep because I don't know how to fix it.
My whole body was drenched in sweat, my skin itched, and I felt disgusting. I wanted to vomit.
Finally, I saw a voicemail….
It was dated to 1/4/2023
I hesitatingly wished to ditch the phone. I didn't want to hear their voices ever again; it felt like a curse.
I played the audio, bringing it up to my ears.
1%
My phone beeped!
But it was too silent for my ears to catch, or to pierce through my solemnity.
I gulped air.
To clear the feelings stuck in my throat, I wished to escape by throwing up.
The static came first. A low, distorted hum that sounded like the wind through the trees of my childhood home. Then, a voice. Not the filtered, confident voice of a hero, but the raw, breaking voice of a man
“Subaru? It’s... It’s Dad.”
There was a heavy pause. I could hear him swallow, the sound of a throat tight with suppressed tears.
“I don’t know if you’re ever going to hear this. The police say we should stop... they say it’s been too long. But your mom, she says, if you’re out there, you might need to hear our voices one more time.”
“Listen to me, Natsuki!”
his voice grew firmer
“I don't care about the reasons you left, or if you were scared, or if you just needed to run away. None of that matters. I just want you to know that the door is unlocked. It’s always unlocked. If you're tired, come home. If you’re lost, we’ll find you. You don’t have to be amazing, Subaru. You don't have to be anything but our boy.”
“Tell him I love him, Kenichi. Tell him.”
“She loves you,”
The audio began to get stuck in between with screeching noises. I kept hitting it, trying to fix it at the moment, but their message was only important to me.
“—just... keep... walk... ing…”
“No,” I choked out
“—we’re... wait... ing... for... you…”
0%
The light collapsed. The screen turned into a dark, empty mirror, reflecting nothing but my own tear-stained face
The silence followed.
I was alone. Truly, finally, alone.
I pulled the dead phone to my forehead and let out a sound that wasn't a sob or a scream, but a hollow, empty whimper.
I am the worst.
