Chapter Text
i.
When the sunlight began creeping across the floor and up the bedspread, Sid felt as the body next to his shifted under the covers, rolling away from the intruding strands of yellow and gold and tucking his head into Sid's chest, letting out a soft puff of air before slipping back into a soft slumber.
Sid smiled at the familiarity of the motions as he tightened his arms around the younger man and snuck a glance at the clock on the nightstand to read the red digital numbers informing him it was still early, though he knew by the way his skin tingled with anticipation that sleep would not come easy.
For the time being though he was comfortable where he was, wrapped up with his soulmate pressed against his chest, the sky fading from black to a muted blue as the sun slowly traced its path through the morning sky.
When the incessant blaring alarm eventually cut through the peaceful silence, Sid and his partner pulled themselves from their bed, making their way into the shower where their bodies slid against each other as they worked through their morning routine, suds dripping across their lips and hands roaming as they stole quiet kisses in the early hours before the day's events would take over and competition would surge through their veins, masking all other thoughts and feelings of love and warmth and happiness completely.
Mere hours later as Sid entered the stadium and weaved through the halls more commonly walked by baseball players and other sports fans, Sid found himself marveling at the simplistic beauty of the concrete walls and piped ceilings that he had come to associate with sports arenas, grateful that he was in a position to play hockey on an international scale, bringing the sport to an outdoor arena where infinitely more fans could watch his team battle and fight to show their dominance, finesse and skill with an empowering performance.
Sid himself had been having a dominant season and despite his world renowned status as one of the best players in the game, even Sid could admit that he was having a good season, a great season even if the 83 points he had put up before the end of February said anything about his current level of play.
Which was why, despite who they were playing against in today's Stadium Series, Sid felt confident that all would remain right in his life, even if the Penguins were wearing their awful blue throwback jerseys.
"Sid!" Flower shouted with a gleam in his eye when Sid entered the room, already executing his weird yoga-esque stretches on the carpeted floor.
"Hi Flower," Sid said with a put upon sigh, ruffling Flower's hair as he walked past the man much to the goalie's annoyance and headed to his stall across the room, situated in the center of his teammates so he could keep a watchful eye on proceedings.
"You ready captain?" Sid heard Tanger ask, turning his head to meet his friend's gaze, nodding curtly as he sat down to begin undoing his dress shoes, noting the familiar pull of his suit jacket against his shoulders though he refused to break his routine by taking it off first.
For a few minutes Sid listened acutely as his teammates wandered in, conversations filling the musky air as suits were exchanged for under armour and jokes traded for game plans as many of the players prepared for their first taste of an outdoor game.
Sid was just pulling on his shin pads when a conversation down to his left caught his attention and he and Tanger both sat up intently as they listened in to the more serious topic.
"I can't believe we are playing an outdoor game and won't even be able to see it," Rusty said morosely, bent over to tie his skates as Sheary and Schultz nodded agreeably on either side of him.
"To be fair, you can see it, you just can't see all the colours," Olli corrected from a few stalls over, already dressed and ready to go as he usually was before anyone else.
"I know," Rust whined, "but all my life I've been told about these dazzling colours and the beauty of the jerseys when you get to see them for the first time and there will be 80,000 people outside in all different colours and I won't be able to experience that because I haven't met my soulmate yet."
"And who knows if we will ever have a chance to play another outdoor game," Schultz tacked on after a brief moment of silence, the locker room having gone quiet at the darker turn of conversation.
"Is very bright" Geno said to break the silence, a considerate look on his face. "Not know what I see first time playing after meeting Anna, so many colours, is hard to focus on black puck when so much yellow everywhere."
"You were lucky though, at least you got to meet your soulmate in a quiet place where you could take it all in," Duper said thoughtfully from where he stood in his suit against the adjacent doorframe. "Imagine meeting your soulmate on the ice like Sid and suddenly being able to see 20,000 people in bright colours."
"It wasn't so bad," Sid said weakly, aware that everyone in the room was staring at him to gauge his reaction. "I was honestly more confused that I was meeting my soulmate on the ice than the fact that everything was suddenly bright orange."
"At least you can see orange," Sheary muttered under his breath.
"It's pretty disorienting for the first little bit," Sid answered with a hum, thinking back to the moment all those years ago. "It's neat once you get used to it, but it's hard to get your head around. Also, you aren't missing much when it comes to today's game."
"Why?" Rust, Sheary, Schultz and a few of the other younger guys asked in almost perfect unison.
"You know when you look at the sun and it’s this blazing white shade that seems like nothing could possibly be brighter, even though the moon shines just as brightly, just the world around it is darker?" Sid asked, looking around the room and seeing understanding nods from players with and without soulmates, small smiles on the faces of those who were remembering the days of only seeing shades before Sid continued.
"The Flyers have these awful gaudy orange jerseys that kind of look like that ring around the sun and they are just as bright. Especially when you are outside the colour is just enhanced and it's so hard to focus when all you can see is the sun dancing around you. This is one of those moments where if I could turn the colours off I probably would."
"No, you wouldn't," a voice said darkly and Sid cringed visibly for his thoughtless remark as soon as he had said it, knowing full well who was speaking without having to turn and see as there was only one neutral in the Pens organization and his tragedy had been broadcasted internationally.
"Maybe not," Sid added with as much tact as he could manage considering the situation. "But the point still stands that you can have an incredible experience today regardless of whether you see in colours or shades."
"Also, the Flyers' jerseys are truly awful," Flower said with a grin, his high pitched laugh breaking the tension effectively as the group went back to preparing for the game, Sid chancing a look to his right and watching his teammate carefully as he retreated into a sullen silence, the pain on his face clear for anyone to see, though his red-tinged, tear-stained cheeks were that much harder to swallow for anyone who was actually able to see them.
"Would you actually prefer to play in shades again?" Tanger asked a few minutes later, a contorted expression visible on his face.
"If I could turn it on and off I probably would yeah," Sid answered honestly, making eye contact with Geno who he had, had this very conversation with some months ago. "But if it meant losing my soulmate to do it then no."
"I can't even imagine," Kris said lowly, looking over to see an empty stall and realizing the person he was about to discuss was missing. "I have nightmares about waking up one day and everything is black and white again and realizing Catherine died. I don't know how you could come back from that."
"I don't think you do," Cullen said quietly from the other side of Geno. "He didn't."
Sid found himself nodding despite himself, knowing that the individual they were speaking about had very much so not recovered from the loss of his soulmate in a freak accident, evident in his missing presence.
"Do you think he could ever be a secondary?" Cullen asked after a moment, wondering out loud to the larger group of veterans nearby though he unintentionally spoke louder than intended, catching the attention of everyone currently in the room who immediately angled their bodies to face him.
"What's a secondary?" Murray asked with a raised brow, looking between the players who had soulmates as he awaited an answer.
"Legend says secondary is person who meet two soulmates," Geno said in his accented tone, his Russian pronounced as his parents were visiting for the game. "Primary is everyone who meet soulmate in person and see colours for first time. Secondary meet two soulmates."
"Wait, that's a thing?" Sheary questioned, clearly surprised and confused as to why he had never heard of it before.
"It's pretty rare," Duper cautioned, having moved closer at some point during the conversation. "There's a one in a million chance that you could meet a second soulmate. Once you lose your bond that's usually it for most people. Young neutrals are almost just as rare though. Usually you become a neutral due to old age."
"I thought primary soulmates were predetermined though?" Schultz asked with a confused expression. "Does that mean young neutrals are too?"
"It's a cruel twist of fate," Kris said heavily, drawing on experience from when his best friend had passed, leaving his wife a neutral who had taken her life not long after to be with him. "No one knows why most people killed in accidents are shades who haven't met their soulmates yet. A primary dying is relatively unheard of."
"Which is why you should never ask a neutral about their soul bond," Sid said seriously, taking the time to make eye contact with each individual in the room. "Neutrals need our support more than any other kind of person and since we have one on our team I don't want anyone else asking more questions like these after today. If you have any questions, you come find me one-on-one, do you understand?"
Everyone in the room nodded as Sid stood up and began pulling on his jersey, a surprised look passing across the face of all those watching as Sid skipped over part of his routine, stepping directly out of his stall and not around the garbage can as he usually did every game, his brain suddenly locked in an endless loop around the feeling of meeting his soulmate followed by the shocking revelation that it could all be taken away in an instance.
While the conversation changed to safer things and the team continued to get ready, Sid unconsciously slipped back into his standard game routine as he came back from grabbing his stick tape and found himself wondering what life would be like without his partner and shuddered at the thought, forcing himself to start thinking about the ensuing game instead.
Which was why, as the team filed out of the room for introductions and Sid gave everyone pats of encouragement, running through his handshake with Geno before falling into line, all Sid could think about was how awful the particular shade of blue was on their throwback jerseys, not giving much thought to the sinking feeling in his gut from their earlier conversation that grew with every step closer to the chilly stadium series.
ii.
As expected, the crowd was incredibly loud and the visuals incredibly jarring as the multitude of colours melded into one another to create an overwhelming portrayal of hockey fans in their truest form.
Sid prepared himself mentally as the stadium announcer introduced the players from the Philadelphia Flyers one by one, smirking at a few names which were accompanied by either cheers or boos.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Sid stepped forward to take the ice as his name was called, raising his stick to salute the crowd before leaning against his skate edges to slow himself down, coming to a halt beside Phil who was staring down focusedly at the blue line beneath the ice at their feet.
When his name was called again, Sid skated forward to center ice, coming face-to-face with Flyers captain Claude Giroux, sneering at him from across the ceremonial face off dot, causing a thunderous cheer to rise up from the crowd as they worked through the motions of battling for the puck, each bending down to pick up one of the two pucks and passing them to the waiting kids who were doe eyed and grinning from ear to ear as they accepted their prizes.
Sid turned to look at Giroux consideringly, mouth turning down in challenge when he saw the matching glare focused back on him, both foregoing the standard captain shake and skating in opposite directions back to their teams as the players began to skate around the ice, the Stadium Series game finally getting underway.
Midway through the first the score still read 0-0 though there had been some spectacular chances for both sides to no avail.
Flower and Mason were competing head on, save for save and shot for shot and Sid knew they were going to have to press Mason much harder if they wanted to get anything past him in his remaining nine minutes of the period.
A moment later Sid felt a distinct tap on his left shoulder, rising to his feet and throwing one leg over the boards as he waited for Kunitz or Geno to skate back to the bench so he could step on the ice, looking to his left briefly to see Sheary exchanging with Rust and anxiously awaiting his turn to do the same.
As soon as Kunitz's hand had touched the gate, Sid was over the board and barreling up the ice, pressing against one of the Flyers defenseman as he fought for possession of the puck, wrangling it away from the pressuring player and shooting an outlet pass to Sheary who cleared the zone, Sid falling suit a few steps behind as he crossed through the neutral zone and into the attacking end.
To his right, Sid saw as Hornqvist circled around the boards, sending the puck behind the Flyers net which Sid quickly retrieved, swearing under his breath when Simmonds stripped him of the puck and started racing the other way, tic tac toeing a passing play with his line mates before Olli returned the favour on an unexpecting Simmonds and threw the puck out to Sid who was alone behind the play.
With a quick turn on his edges, Sid breathed in the crisp winter air as he focused in on the open expanse of ice between he and Mason, picking up speed as he used his strong thighs to build momentum up the ice as he expertly strode through the opposing zone, turning on his heel to toe drag to the left, noticing a small gap between the top of Mason's right shoulder and the top of the net, a small three inch gap which would be just enough for Sid to sink the first goal of the game.
Pulling back on his stick, Sid waited as the world slowed down, a deep intake of air focusing his attention as the puck slid along the ice, his arms trembling slightly as he waited for his release, tracking the puck as he waited for exactly the right moment, his entire body turning with the motion of his shot just as a body collided forcefully into his legs, the impact sending Sid tumbling in a heap of limbs to the ice.
Pain screamed across his body as Sid's head thumped against the ice, legs flipping over his head as his body rolled with the force of the hit, his vision a mix of spinning ice, blue sky, black and blue fabric and an all-encompassing vibrant orange in the stadium before suddenly the world went black and dozens of cameras were left with the singular image of the crumpled body of Sidney Crosby prone on the sun lit ice.
iii.
When Sid awoke it was to an incessant beeping noise that reminded him of the alarm clock at his parents place, the crisp beeping suddenly cutting off as Sid slowly opened his eyes to find Tanger fumbling awkwardly with his phone.
Sid took a moment to take in his surroundings, establishing quickly that he was in a hospital bed and that gauging by the dull grey of the sky outside the window that it was early morning which meant he had slept through the night.
On one side of the bed Tanger and Duper were pulling their heads up from the bed, wearily rubbing at their eyes as they tried to wake themselves up. On the other side, Geno and Flower watched the pair quietly, both men already awake after having taken the second Sid-watch as the foursome cautiously waited for their best friend and captain to wake up.
Sid assessed the dark grey bags under the eyes of his friends and the thick black scar along the side of Kris' cheek which indicated he had likely engaged in a fist fight during or after the game. Sid wasn't sure if he was more concerned that his friends were clearly in some level of emotional or physical pain or the fact that all four of them were steadfastly not looking in his direction. Sid found himself so focused on the four men in the room that he didn't notice the empty chair directly to his side which was still warm from the person who had been sitting there through the night.
Just as Sid was about to clear his throat, Flower ran a tired hand through his dark black locks, throwing a swift glance in his direction before the goalie froze in place, his gaze slowly shifting back over to meet Sid's own as he watched Flower's eyes widen in shock, their three friends quickly following suit as all four men began to shout in unison.
"Sid!"
"You're awake!"
"How are you feeling?"
"You bastard, how long have you been awake?"
"Not long," Sid said with a visible wince, the noise from his friends shouting washing over him and forcing a dull ache to build in the back of his skull, directly where he had smashed his head against the ice the previous day. "What happened?"
"What do you remember?" a deeper voice chimed in, Sid directing his attention to the man who had just entered the room, the light white of his hair contrasting against the light grey of his pallored skin.
"I...I got hit from behind," Sid said after a slight pause, his head ringing as he tried to sort through his thoughts. "Not sure who hit me, I just remember pain and my head bouncing off the ice and then waking up here. What happened?"
"Flyer player lose edge and fall down, slide into legs," Geno said with a murderous glare to answer Sid's question. "He try and catch up to stop goal from you but fall instead."
"So it wasn't on purpose?" Sid asked genuinely, his history with the Flyers incredibly marked, especially his long standing rivalry with the Flyers captain.
"No, but that doesn't make it okay," Flower said angrily, his own voice laced with venom.
"Was anyone else hurt?" Sid asked after only a slight pause, trying to remember more from the accident and coming up blank.
"They took one of their players to the hospital as well for precautionary reasons, but released him last night. We've been here since the game ended," Duper said with a weary smile, placing his hand on Sid's calf through the hospital blanket.
"Who won?" Sid choked out, concerned with the expressions on his friends faces as they recounted the story.
"6-1 Pens," Tanger said with a fierce glint in his eye which told Sid all he needed to know about the rest of the game and confirmed the origin of the scar on Kris' cheek.
"How does your head feel, Sidney?" the doctor asked and Sid startled at the reminder that there was another person in the room, turning his head to make eye contact with the other man who was watching him with a careful expression.
"Fuzzy," Sid answered truthfully. "My thoughts feel heavy. Clouded."
"Is the light from the sun bothering you?" the doctor inquired, making a note on his clipboard from Sid's previous answer.
"It's a dull ache at the back of my skull," Sid responded, only screwing up one word as he spoke. "Nothing like my last concussion."
"Well, you should be happy to know that despite your lack of consciousness over the last 12 hours, your brain scans came back relatively normal with only minor swelling in the lower region of the occipital lobe. You'll likely experience some dizziness and difficulty with light over the next few days, but the fuzziness and confusion should disappear shortly. All this considered, the injury could have been much worse."
"So he's okay, just like that?" Tanger asked incredulously as the doctor smiled at the defensive tinge to his tone.
"Well, I'd like to keep Sid in the hospital for a few more hours so we can do some more tests to establish the grade of his concussion, but physically other than being sore Sid is perfectly fine. I expect that with Sid's recollection of the accident and his ability to speak fluently without stumbling or stuttering over his words that we may be dealing with a low grade two concussion. But of course, these are only my initial thoughts and we'll need to do some more tests to rule out further damage due to his extensive experience with long-lasting concussions."
"I feel more okay than I think I should," Sid said honestly after the doctor had finished speaking, his friends turning back to look at him as he started to speak. "My head and my neck are sore, but I feel it should be worse considering how hard I went down."
"You should consider yourself very lucky that it's not worse," the doctor said with a weighted tone, marking down a few more notes on his clipboard as Sid turned his gaze back to his friends.
"We were so worried," Duper said quietly, the rest of Sid's friends nodding in agreement as he spoke. "I honestly thought that we'd get to the hospital and find out that this was going to be the end of your career."
"Pascal," Sid whispered, noting his friend's eyes filling with tears as he broke their gaze, looking down at the grey bedspread and wiping at his eyes.
"I'm sorry I scared you," Sid said quietly in French, repeating the phrase in Russian which the doctor noted consideringly, internally surprised that the concussed man was able to pick up not one, but two other languages besides his own despite his brain being muddled.
"As long as you are okay," Tanger replied, his thought trailing off as he too surreptitiously wiped at his eyes, the room filled with an emotional tension that made Sid uneasy with the significance of it.
"At least we beat Flyers still," Geno started in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Always good when we beat ugly orange team."
"Hm," Sid huffed, feeling annoyance bubbling up in his chest. "That's not fair, Geno."
"What not fair?" Geno asked, his face and tone both demonstrating the surprise he was feeling at his friend's offended words.
"I don't see in colours yet, I still see in shades, how the hell am I supposed to know what orange looks like?" Sid asked defiantly, sticking his chin out for a few tense seconds before noting the looks of absolute shock painted on the faces of everyone else in the room.
"What did you just say?" Duper managed to ask a full sixty seconds later, finally closing his mouth from where his jaw had dropped open in surprise.
"I said, I can't see colours yet," Sid said as plainly as he could, trying to keep the annoyance in his tone at bay because all primaries knew better than to talk about colours with shades who hadn't seen them yet. "So I don't know what the colour orange is because I can't see it yet."
A tense silence settled over the group as Sid's friends exchanged horrified glances, finally all turning to look at the doctor who looked as shocked and confused as they were.
"Oh my," the doctor said succinctly, running a hand through his light blonde locks and pulling at the strands as he processed what he had just heard, looking down at Sid's chart and reading the name of his patients soul mate which was printed clearly in the top right corner of the chart. "Well isn't that something."
"What's going on?" Sid questioned, growing more and more confused as he looked between the five men, his confusion growing at the conspiratorial look his friends shared.
"I think I'd like to order those tests now," the doctor said in lieu of answering Sid's question, making another note on his chart and motioning for the four men to vacate the room despite Sid's protests.
"We'll be back after your tests are done mom amie," Duper said soothingly, somehow the most composed of the bunch as he ushered them from the room, tears already welling in their eyes as the weight of Sid's words settled into their bones and they began to process what had happened just as they came face to face with another man.
"Claude," Flower said with a whisper, his voice watery with unshed tears as he looked upon the confused expression of the other man.
"What's going on? Is he awake?" Claude asked, looking between the four men and feeling his stomach plummet at the tears tracking down their cheeks, a devastated expression on their faces that appeared to be directed at him. "Let me go see him before he falls asleep again."
"We can't let you go in there," Tanger said lowly, placing a hand on Claude's chest as he started to move forward and gently but forcefully pushing him back.
"And why the fuck can I not go see my own soul mate?" Claude asked fiercely, his brows furrowing and his lips tightening as his expression quickly transformed from concerned to furious in the space of a few seconds.
"Because he just referred to himself as a shade," Duper said quietly after ten tense seconds had passed, his gaze steady as he waited for his words to sink in, catching Claude around the chest as the man crumpled to the floor a moment later, a desperate wail escaping his chest when he finally put two and two together.
"No. No! But I can still see colours," Claude sobbed, tears pouring down his cheeks as his chest was racked with sobs from the crushing realization that his soul mate had lost their bond. "No, please!"
As the men in the hallway sunk to their knees and wrapped their best friends soul mate up in their arms, the man inside the room with the pain in his head stared curiously at the door, listening to the patient in the hallway who was having a breakdown and wondering if the concussion was worse than he thought as he thought he had seen a flash of something bright just as the door had closed.