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Enough.
Essek snapped his book shut, satisfaction blooming in his chest as Caleb’s eyes shot up to meet his. “We need to discuss…this.”
“Was?”
The tension between them had been building for months. Their relationship was playful, the two of them dancing around some unknown inevitability, exchanging flirtations and soft touches and fleeting, longing glances across archive tables and icy Aeorian ruins alike. All was normal until, without any given explanation, Caleb suddenly retreated. Essek’s attempts to reach out were met by looks of regret and remorse from the other wizard, the distance between them seeming more cavernous and fractured each time. Frantic Sendings to Beau and Veth yielded nothing; neither woman had any inclination regarding what may have caused the sudden change. None of Jester’s advice had seemed to be viable either, and even Caduceus’ calm “give it time” made him want to scream. For nearly a week now they remained in limbo, neither wanting to push too hard or pull away, but in the face of yet another evening of sitting, silently, pretending they weren’t watching one another, Essek couldn’t take it anymore. As he rose from his seat, Caleb’s gaze remained fixed on him, fey-blue eyes wide in – surprise? Concern? Huffing out a breath, Essek dropped the book on the side table with a careless thud.
“You are pushing me away, Caleb,” he said. “You invite me into your home, into your library, into your spellbook, and yet you pull away from me. I can hear your nightmares and see the shadows in your eyes, but you insist that you are well.” Slowly, he stepped toward Caleb, still frozen in shock in the armchair. “I offer my aid and you refuse it, even the closeness we shared in Aeor is merely a memory. I have found myself afraid that perhaps you have grown tired of me. My status and reputation are dust, I am a traitor to queen and country, and surely by now I am useless to you.”
“Essek-”
“But there are contradictions. You keep your house just a bit warmer when I’m here. You hung a jewelry rack in the bathroom. The book of soup recipes you’ve hidden in the kitchen, waking from a trance with a blanket around my shoulders, the way you look at me when you think I cannot see…” Essek paused. “I have reviewed the evidence a thousand times, and it seems, just maybe, that you…care for me. That you love me.” He leaned down and placed his hands on the armrests, pinning Caleb in place. “You seem to think you are protecting me. From what, Caleb? From you? From the past, from the future? From the flames?”
The only sound in the sudden silence was the crackling hearth.
“I love you, Caleb Widogast. I have for some time now.” There was a sharp intake of breath from the human, but Essek pressed on lest his bravery fail. “I love the timbre of your voice, the callouses on your hands, that you chew on your quill when you think, how you sing to the cat while you feed her. When my feet come to rest on the floors of your home and I must tilt up my chin to look at you, I never feel lessened the way I once did amongst my peers.” He shook his head, retreating backwards toward the shelves. “If I am mistaken, just tell me – I will not be upset. I will maintain my distance, and we can return to our habits as if nothing has happened, or I will go to the Blooming Grove or the Cobalt Soul until you are ready to speak to me again, but you must tell me that you do not return my feelings. So, I will ask…do you love me?”
Caleb swallowed. “I am a broken man.”
“Do you love me?”
“We can’t-”
“Do you love me?”
“You’re an elf, and I-”
“Do you love me?”
“You don’t want a life with a man like me.” Caleb shot up from the chair. “I am weak, I am broken, I cannot protect you!”
“Do you love me?”
“I will age and decay and die before your eyes, my scars ache and my bones creak, there are nights I cannot distinguish between the before and the now, you cannot want this!”
Essek pushed into his space until they nearly touched. “I will stand between the night and the darkness, I will tell you where you are! Do. You. Love. Me.”
“I love you!” Caleb gasped out, and Essek’s heart soared. “I love you; I have dreamed of you since Xhorhas, you are the voice in my head, I cannot breathe when you are not near-”
It was the work of a moment to pull Caleb into a kiss that lit his entire world.
Despite the heat of the preceding moments, the kiss was soft, tender, full of apology and acceptance and affection. Essek luxuriated in the rasp of Caleb’s beard on his skin and the gasp he earned for twisting his fingers in the long fall of red hair. Caleb’s own hands slid along the bumps of Essek’s spine before settling on the small of his back, finally pulling them flush against each other with a pleased hum.
Slowly, gently, they broke apart. Caleb rested his forehead against Essek’s, tears trickling down his cheeks. Wordlessly, Essek thumbed them away.
“I did not want to frighten you away, schatz,” he whispered. “You have become the brightest star in my life. I do not deserve it.”
Essek tilted his head to press a kiss to the corner of Caleb’s mouth. “It is not a matter of value,” he said, “it is a choice. My heart has chosen yours, and I would like to keep it. May I?”
“Oh, darling,” Caleb finally opened his eyes, a smile creeping across his lovely face. “I can imagine no safer place for it than with you.” He claimed Essek’s lips again, and it tasted like coming home.