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Running face first into danger, fighting the opposite team with no care of oneself, throwing itself into the fires of war and coming out of it laughing in the face of its teammates, late nights and early mornings drinking with its friends or shutting itself completely in its room for a week with no notice of return, this has been the life of the Pyro for the past few weeks… Months? Weeks? Who cares anyways, time wasn’t real ever since it started feeling this way, and to be quite honest, it doesn’t even remember when this started.
Maybe it was on a Thursday, or on a boring Sunday, towards the morning at the end of a week that was wearing it out more than normal. It remembers the sun being unbearably hot on that specific day, the light hitting its eyes beneath the lenses as if God was a kid trying to light an anthill on fire. At least that’s the memory Pyro recalls, even if true, it might not be factual, and this turmoil inside of its stomach could have started with sickness, on a day where it drank too much, to the disappointment and worry of its partner, and to the amusement of its friends, much too down in the spiral to care.
Events that happen one by one were scrambled together in its brain, a soup of the things it had ever imagined so much they became true, the things that did happen once, long ago, and the factual truths that changed the course of its days, it did not remember the day, the season or the place, memories that were once so fresh now faded away to the warm embrace of adrenaline and what Pyro could finally consider insanity.
Earlier in this month, Dell remembers as if it was clear as day, his partner sitting on the couch of the common area, Demo and Sniper hanging out along with it, beer cans and bottles of rum and wine laid on the floor, scattered on the floor an abandoned card game. The room stank of nicotine and pure alcohol, eerily quiet without the laughter of the most talkative of the three, who had passed out on one arm of the couch holding his sword. Sniper was found curled up on a chair, while Pyro… Sweet Pyro, laying on the other arm of the couch, the sleeves of its arms pulled up to cool it down, mask on the floor, face bare and exposed. An instinctive feeling swirling in Dell’s aching heart told him that this was not for its friends, but for running out of options.
Options to quiet its mind, to find comfort in the quietness, options to find itself amidst the bad times. The feeling pulling on Pyro’s heart, dragging it down to the floor, its brain felt like an animal trying to eat it alive like an elephant, one bite at a time. All of this wouldn’t have a chance to drown it if it drowned them all in liquor first.
What Dell did in this moment was a memory lost to the pain, he doesn’t recall quite well how long he was there for, staring at Pyro, sat on the floor by its side, one hand holding his lover’s, while the other ran the fingers gently along the rubber of the mask he held in his lap.
“You’ve had enough to drink now… Let me take you to bed, darlin’...” His whisper sounded so loud in the quietness of the night, even if pressed with tender love against Pyro’s forehead. He kissed it once, then on the lips, taking on the flavor of its vices on his tongue as if they were his own. His eyes locked on the exhausted face of his mate, its eyes sunken in with the weariness of the days, Engie knew that the load it was bearing was heavier than he imagined so.
Minutes passed in silence before Dell finally got up, his lover’s mask still in one hand while he picked Pyro up the best he could, holding it tight against his chest to support it properly while taking it to its room. Worry was the only feeling that went through his mind, not judgement, nor rage, just a simple worry with a side of sadness. Neither of them were stable, each to their own problems and their own boulders to carry, but if for only a day, he could take Pyro’s heart on his hands, and wash it clean of everything that burdened it… If only for a day he could take all of Pyro’s boulders and carry them for it, he would, without a doubt or a second thought, for seeing his love like this was much, much more painful than anyone else could be…
“...’m srrh…” A low mutter interrupted his spiraling, with a cough and a Pyro curling up deeper in his arms.
“Sugar…?” He called, opening the door to Pyro’s room and closing it right behind himself
The silence that lasted for a few moments was broken again by a wet sob that stained Dell’s uniform. No time for changing clothes or fixing the bed, Engie sat down on the pile of pillows with his Pyro still tying itself to his arms, hiding its face on his chest as finally its release came, in the form of a broken cry and incomprehensible speech. The smell of Dell’s clothes and body felt numbing, like a sweeter drink pulling it into the mindless relaxation and calling it to sleep.
God, its body hurts. Its head hurts.
“I don’t want this anymore… I hate this… I hate all of this… I hate…” The words came out just as scattered as its brain felt in that moment, the thin threads of its little heart pulling apart as the tears wet its partner’s clothes, who held it so tenderly inside his warm embrace. This felt good, this didn’t feel alone… “I’m sorry…”
“Hey… Hey, Py… It’s okay, you don’t…”
“I don’t want to worry you anymore…”
“I worry about ya because I care about you, Pyro…” He muttered with tenderness against its skin, holding it closer in his hug, as if their bodies could mesh together if they got any closer. Pyro needed this, really needed this to feel like it wasn’t alone, it was grounding, and put all the tension in its bones to fade. “I don't want ya gettin’ hurt… I don't wanna see you hurting yerself like this….”
“I love you… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”
“Shh… Shhh… You’re fine, darlin’... I forgive you…”
“I’m-” It let out a cracked sob again, its face hiding under its hands and his chest. “I’m too much trouble for you…”
“You ain’t never gon’ be too much trouble for me… I love you just like the way you are… Yer just perfect, just like that…”
In between words of reassurance and a low, but desperate cry for help, the both of them stayed in the warmth of each other’s arms and held each other’s hearts close to themselves, Dell, with his everlasting patience, smoothed down Pyro’s thoughts until finally, out of exhaustion and a still lasting drunkenness, it passed out, face red and puffy from the tear.
With a sigh, Dell relaxed, rolling his lover gently away from him and comfortably laid in the bed so he could get up to grab it some pajamas, trying to find something fresh and not too hot. If it could wake up a little more comfortably than it went to sleep, it would be an improvement already. Pajamas, socks, cleaning wipes, clean underwear, Dell brought them all back to the nest and laid them by Pyro’s side, removing his boots and socks before crawling in together as well. With a bit more patience and gentle handling, he would undress Pyro, carefully removing its boots, socks, the belts and harnesses that it wore all day long, finally, slipping away the hazmat suit, way too heavy to be carried this frequently. He grabbed a wipe, scooching up closer to Pyro to start gently wiping its face, cleaning away the dried tears and leftover alcohol, careful to clean every bit until its face felt fresh again. But… Why not go a little further? He grabs another, wiping its neck, shoulders, stomach, and legs. It wasn’t a shower, but the next best thing they could do now.
With a kiss to its cheek, now feeling clean and fresh, Dell pulled away its sports bra and underwear, discarding them with the rest of the clothes to be switched by another clean pair, along with the pair of pajamas. Now dressed, clean, and comfortable, Dell felt satisfied in seeing the way Pyro relaxed better on the bed now that it felt comfortable.
At last, the night was coming to an end, as Dell undressed himself as well to lay down by Pyro’s side, he pulled it closer again, allowing the taller one to get comfortable on his chest as it liked to. The Engie pulled some thick blankets on top of the both of them, tucking in Pyro before he finally settled down properly, sighing deeply.
“I love you so much, sugar… You ain't have no idea how much I adore ya…”
“I don't think there's anything in this world that I love as much as I love ya…”
“I'm gonna be stickin’ by your side just like how you always stick to mine…”
“I ain't never letting go…”
“Sleep good, prettiest…”