Chapter Text
"Stop, Sangyeon, stop, please!" Eric cried, on his back, being fucked mercilessly on the bedroom floor.
Sangyeon slapped him across the face, "Keep screaming like a give a fuck, bitch!"
"It hurts, it's hurts too much, you're fucking killing me!" Eric tried to get away but his body had it's own ideas and he wrapped his legs around Sangyeon as a reflex.
"You're gonna die, you piece of shit!" Sangyeon choked Eric with one hand and punched him in the face with the other.
Sangyeon felt Eric's hot cum hit his stomach.
Eric was sobbing, "No more, stop, stop, enough, please!"
"You disgusting fucking slut," Sangyeon strangled Eric with both hands and made Eric's world go black.
Eric woke up disoriented on the bed with Sangyeon sitting beside him. Eric blinked at Sangyeon, his vision a little blurry for a moment. His shoulders were stinging from the rug burn.
"Hey, pretty baby," Sangyeon was still breathing a bit heavily, "You know, you're getting really good at this."
"Umm, thanks. I'm trying my best," Eric replied raspily and rolled away from Sangyeon.
Rape play was never something Eric had wanted to learn, but here he was.
Eric knew better than to expect aftercare that he wasn't going to get, so he took care of himself. He picked up his vape off of the nightstand, took the biggest hit possible, then he grabbed one of his stuffed animals from amongst the pillows and hugged it. He would mentally talk himself down for awhile, visualizing soothing scenarios and words of praise. This was his process while Sangyeon was in the shower.
Once Eric had come down, he got all of his drug accessories out of the drawer: his bottle of percocet, a small mirror, an old gift card, and a shortened straw. He crushed up a pill with the cap of the bottle and racked up a couple of lines. He snorted some, and Sangyeon came back out.
Sangyeon shook his head, disappointed, "What did I tell you about doing lines?"
Eric sniffled, groaning, "Daddy. I'm hurt. I need it to work FAST."
Sangyeon huffed, annoyed, and left the bedroom.
"Fuck you, too," Eric muttered.
Sangyeon popped back in, "What did you say?"
Eric smiled, "I said fuck you."
Sangyeon scowled at him but ultimately let it go, "What do you want for dinner?"
Eric slumped back onto the bed, "Whatever you want."
"Useless answer," Sangyeon walked away.
Eric's pet golden retriever, Doofy, came trotting in and jumped up onto the bed.
"God, yes, cuddle me, please," Eric grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her.
She licked his face.
Kindness from the dog was better than none at all.
The next day, Eric was lying in bed, where he had been for most of the afternoon. He was naked except for his silver eternity collar. He hadn't been doing anything, just endlessly staring at the wall for hours. Sometimes, he went into states like this, and it was difficult to snap himself out of it.
Sangyeon came walking into the bedroom, "Hey, it's 5:30, shouldn't you be getting ready for work?"
(Eric worked at a gay bar from 6 p.m. to 2:30 a.m.)
Eric didn't respond.
Sangyeon went over to the bed and stood in front of Eric, "You having one of your sad days?"
"Mmm. Yeah. I'm just thinking. Kind of having flashbacks. Seeing you cutting up Juyeon's body," Eric said quietly.
Sangyeon got stern, "Hey. Don't talk about that. Never talk about that."
Eric sighed and sat up, "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be depressed. I'll go get ready."
Eric got up and walked towards his dresser, but Sangyeon stopped him and grabbed his hand.
Sangyeon looked him in the eye, "I know how you felt about him, I know you loved him. It's ok to still think about him. You probably always will."
"It hurts sometimes..." Eric took his hand away and opened his drawer to get his clothes out.
Sangyeon crossed his arms, watching him, "I hated the way you looked at him. I wanted you to look at me like that."
Eric didn't look at Sangyeon, "Oh, I love you more than anything."
"Yeah. But not like that," Sangyeon left the room.
When Eric's shift ended at 2:30 a.m., that was the same time as Sangyeon's lunch break, so they always talked on the phone while Eric drove home.
Today, Sangyeon was being an asshole, and Eric was wondering why he was bothering to stay on the line listening to him.
Sangyeon: "Nobody likes you but me. You're very unlikable. You know that? No one likes you."
Eric: "That's not even close to true. Everyone at work likes me. Sunwoo likes me."
Sangyeon (scoffing): "Sunwoo. Sunwoo doesn't like you. All you two do is do drugs and get drunk together. If he really liked you, yall would hang out sober."
Eric: "We don't hang out sober because it's boring. Sunwoo's my best friend. In fact, he's the only friend I have left that you haven't chased off. Although you sure do try."
Sangyeon: "Pft. Mark my words, I'll get rid of Sunwoo."
Eric: "Oh, shut up. Anyway, you're the one with no friends because you're a world class dick."
Sangyeon: "Eventually, you're gonna realize I'm the only one you need. I'm the only person that can stand you."
Eric (sighing): "Why are you so grumpy? Do you need me to drain your balls or something?"
Sangyeon: "Ugh, baby, I don't mean it. Work's just a nightmare today, I wanna go home. I wanna see you."
Eric: "Oh, I see. So you DO need your balls drained."
Sangyeon: "More or less, yeah."
Eric: "When you get home, I'll take care of you, Daddy. I'll make you feel better."
Sangyeon: "You always do." (❤️)
Some random day.
Eric was standing in the kitchen, at the counter, with his dog sitting beside him, when Sangyeon walked in.
Sangyeon looked over Eric's shoulder, "Why are you making so many sandwiches?"
Eric continued making them, "Two for me, two for you, one for Doofy."
Sangyeon sighed, "The dog doesn't need a sandwich, Eric."
"She wants one," Eric started plating the sandwiches, "If I don't make her one, she'll just eat half of mine anyway."
Sangyeon leaned against the counter, "You spoil that dog. Stop feeding her so much."
Eric fed one of the sandwiches to Doofy, completely ignoring Sangyeon. He pet her sweetly, "I'm sorry Daddy's so mean and thinks you shouldn't have a BLT. He's mean to me, too. He's thinks I should live at the gym and calls me fat when I eat m&m's."
Sangyeon rolled his eyes, "At least take her for a walk if you're gonna feed her that shit."
"Hear that, Doof?" Eric rolled his eyes right back and handed Sangyeon a plate, "We're only good if we're fit. That's the word. Sangyeon says."
"Stop shit talking me to the dog," Sangyeon flicked Eric's forehead, "And so what if I want you to be fit. Is that so wrong of me?"
Eric walked off to the living room with his sandwiches, "I AM fit. Stop being the food police."
Sangyeon trailed behind him, "Pft. Well, somebody's gotta stop you from letting yourself go. I don't wanna be married to a cow."
"I'm not a fucking cow!" Eric tossed his plate onto the coffee table. Sangyeon was ruining Eric's appetite, although that was probably his intention.
"Oh, don't pout," Sangyeon sat on the couch, "Eat your food. Just go burn it off after, hmm? Please."
"I'm not even hungry anymore," Eric was pouting regardless. He whistled for Doofy, "Let's go for a walk."
***
Eric's shift at the bar had barely begun, when Sunwoo and his new boyfriend came walking in. Sunwoo's boyfriend was a femme little thing named Haru, with pink eye contacts and sharp fake nails. Eric had only met him once before, and didn't exactly have a good impression of him yet. They came up to the bar.
"Hey, pookie, how's it going?" Sunwoo said casually.
"Yall can't be in here. I know he's not 21," Eric replied sternly.
"Oh, come on, Eric, just one drink, please," Sunwoo pleaded, his eyes sparkling with charm.
Eric adressed Haru, "Do you even know what you want, baby child?"
Haru was quiet and shy, "What do you recommend?"
"Well, shit. How about I give you the Eric special?" Eric tapped his fingers on the bar impatiently, "That's a shot of bottom shelf vodka and I spit in it."
Haru blushed.
Oh.
So it was like that.
"Bah, you're so rude. No tip!" Sunwoo put his arm around Haru's narrow shoulders, "We'll go elsewhere."
"Good, get lost!" Eric waved them away, "But hey, let's hang out tomorrow, though!"
Sunwoo paused, "Yeah? Sangyeon gonna let you off of your leash?"
"I'm sure I can convince him to loosen it a little," Eric shrugged.
"Hmm, ok. See you tomorrow then," Sunwoo trotted out of the bar with Haru in tow.
The next day, around 4 p.m., Eric texted Sunwoo.
Eric: "hey still wanna hang out?"
Sunwoo: "ofc"
Eric: "can i come over rn?"
Sunwoo: "ofc"
Sunwoo: "Haru is with me"
Sunwoo: "is that ok?"
Eric: "yeah. Omw"
Eric had to stop himself from groaning and rolling his eyes. He didn't necessarily want to hang out with Sunwoo's little boyfriend. Eric decided to be petty and a bit evil, he grabbed an entire handle of vodka, thinking to teach this kid a thing or two about drinking with heavy weights.
Vodka in hand, Eric went into the living room and found Sangyeon lounging on the couch.
Eric approached him, "Hey babe? Can you drive me to Sunwoo's?"
"You need a whole ass handle to drink with Sunwoo..?" Sangyeon inquired. His tone seemed to indicate that he was in a good mood.
"Sunwoo's boyfriend is going to be with us and perhaps I don't particularly like him and perhaps I'm trying to kill him with alcohol," Eric gave a cute smile.
"Uh oh, someone's stealing your Sunwoo away from you and you're on the warpath," Sangyeon stood up, "If you wanna be really diabolical, I've got some everclear in the back of the cabinet."
"Ooh, I like the way you think," Eric went back to the kitchen to swap bottles.
Sangyeon dropped Eric off at Sunwoo's apartment, and when Sunwoo saw the everclear bottle in Eric's hand, he laughed out loud.
"Oh my god, why did you bring THAT? We're gonna fucking die," Sunwoo chuckled.
Eric plopped down between Sunwoo and Haru on the couch. There were already shot glasses lined up on the coffee table, so Eric poured them all shots.
"What is it?" Haru asked, because he truly was so innocent.
"Super strong shit that you're not supposed to drink straight," Eric picked up his shot glass, "Cheers."
The three of them drank the shots, Eric and Sunwoo were largely unaffected, but Haru's face twisted up in disgust and he coughed and gagged, nearly puking it up on the carpet.
"Holy shit, that tastes like battery acid, it BURNS," Haru gasped, retching, "I need a soda or something, fuck."
Eric giggled, "You want another?"
"Oh, Eric, stop, you're so mean," Sunwoo smacked Eric's arm and looked over at his boyfriend, "You want a whiteclaw, baby?"
Eric introjected, "The whiteclaw can be the chaser."
"Eric, zip it. You're deranged," Sunwoo got up and went to his kitchen to grab the drink for Haru, "We need to cut that with some juice, that shit is dangerous."
They all sat around drinking together for a while. Sunwoo pulled out some coke, and once everyone was good and cross faded, Eric was starting to warm up to Haru.
Haru was 1 shot and 2 whiteclaws in, really drunk now, and feeling bold. He poked Eric in the thigh, "Hey, so. I never got that Eric Special yesterday."
"Hmm, yeah, that's right," Eric was just starting to catch his buzz, "Well, we don't have any vodka, but we can improvise. Open your mouth."
Haru did as he was told, Eric grabbed him by the jaw and spit in his mouth.
"There. Now drink," Eric handed him his whiteclaw.
Haru blushed horribly.
It was remarkably easy to get him flustered and blushing through his makeup.
Sunwoo watched them disapprovingly, "Oh my god, you did not just do that to my boyfriend."
"Communism, Sunwoo. OUR boyfriend," Eric laughed like an idiot and poured more shots (with cranberry juice as chaser).
"That's not communism, that's polyamory, stupid," Sunwoo picked up his shot, but somehow botched the whole process and spilled the entire thing on his shirt, "Fuck sakes!"
Sunwoo hopped up and stripped his shirt off.
"Fuck sakes is right, god damn dude, the scratches on your back!" Eric exclaimed.
Haru covered his face and was blushing once again.
Sunwoo shrugged his shoulders, "Ain't shit compared to how you usually look."
Eric kicked back on the couch, "Have you been hitting the gym? You look soo good."
"Umm, nope. Just having lots of sex," Sunwoo decided to stay shirtless and sat back down on the couch.
Eric sighed, "If sex gave you a nice body, then I would be looking a lot better."
"What do you mean better? You're so fucking hot," Haru suddenly spit out, then covered his mouth because he didn't mean to say that out loud.
Eric appreciated the compliment but didn't necessarily believe it, "Na, I look like shit according to my husband."
"Oh, please!" Sunwoo laughed coldly, "Sangyeon is fucking evil. All he does is abuse you."
Haru didn't know anything about Sangyeon, and Eric didn't want him to.
"Shut the hell up, Sunwoo. That isn't true," Eric poured yet another shot because the need to be fucked up was weighing on him.
Sunwoo didn't shut up, "Yeah, it is true! He's an abusive fucking asshole. How many of your bones has he broken, huh? Huh?"
Eric was getting pissed off, "Sunwoo, shut the fuck up!"
Sunwoo was a lot drunker than he was letting on.
Sunwoo jabbed at Eric, "How many, tell us how many!"
"Fucking, ok! My ribs, my nose, my jaw, both my fucking wrists! Is that fucking funny to you?" Eric stood up like he was going to leave, "I'm fucking stupid, I get it! Ok!"
Haru was silent with wide eyes, uncomfortable.
"Hey, hey, hey. I'm sorry, Eric, I'm sorry," Sunwoo tugged on Eric's arm, "Sit back down, I'll stop. Do another line."
Eric groaned and sat back down.
The atmosphere felt awkward now.
Sunwoo leaned over the coffee table and made some more lines. He turned to Haru, "Show Eric the tiktoks you make."
Haru lightened up right away, pulling out his phone, "Ok, but I'll warn you, I'm hilarious."
The rest of night went fine, they all got absolutely obliterated wasted.
Sangyeon came to pick Eric up.
When Eric tried to get into the car, he fell down and ate shit in the gutter.
"Are you ok?" Sangyeon laughed, amused.
"Fucking aye," Eric somehow managed to climb into the passenger seat. His elbow was bleeding.
Sangyeon started driving them home, "I thought the plan was to give Sunwoo's boyfriend alcohol poisoning, not yourself?"
Eric leaned back and closed his eyes, "We get along now."
"Do you need to eat something, or are you like, close to throwing up?" Sangyeon asked, thinking to help Eric sober up.
"I'll throw up on you, if that's what you want, baby," Eric mumbled.
Sangyeon seemed to think about it for a second, "Yeah, I don't know. That everclear's probably gonna smell awful."
"All puke smells awful," Eric countered, hitting his vape. Or trying to. It was dead.
Sangyeon shrugged, "I'm used to it."
Eric tossed his dead vape into the back seat, "Five years with you and I'm still not used to it."
Sangyeon glanced over at Eric, annoyed, "My back seat is not a trash can."
"Buy me a sprite. Dilute the puke. Make it smell better. Gourmet puke. For you," Eric giggled at himself.
Sangyeon shook his head, "You're so fucking shitfaced."
Eric shook his head back, "Well you're mean and you're gross!"
"Yup. But you'll put up with it because I'm so damn handsome," Sangyeon reached over and squeezed Eric's thigh.
Eric moaned, "Squeeze me more."
Sangyeon squeezed him again and then let go, "We're almost home."
Eric whined like a frustrated puppy.
When they pulled up the house, Sangyeon got out of the car first, "Sit tight. I'll carry you."
"Mmm, princess treatment," Eric slurred.
Sangyeon carried Eric into the house, straight to the bedroom, and dropped him on the bed.
Eric shut his eyes, "Fucking aye, everything is fucking spinning."
"Aw, pretty, are you a little incapacitated?" Sangyeon started undressing Eric.
Eric was dead weight and no help.
Still, before he knew it, he was naked, and so was Sangyeon.
Eric covered his face with his hands, "Daddyyy, I feel sick."
"Hold on, slut, let me get my dick in you," Sangyeon flipped Eric onto his stomach. Sangyeon lined his cock up, he wasn't going to bother with prepping, or even lube, he wanted to force it. Eric was playing the perfect victim, whether he was aware of it or not. Eric couldn't feel his body, he was barely mentally present at all.
Sangyeon dug his nails into Eric's hips and pushed his dick into Eric's ass. Eric didn't fight, he hardly even responded.
Sangyeon pushed all the way inside, "Ok, go ahead, get sick all you want."
Eric didn't know what the hell was happening, he was too dizzy and disoriented.
Sangyeon punched Eric in the side, "Throw up."
That didn't get a reaction, and Sangyeon didn't have much patience.
He yanked Eric's head up by the hair and shoved his fingers down his throat, "Do it, motherfucker!"
Eric gagged hard and threw up clear, foamy vomit all over the bed spread. It looked like water, but it smelled like everclear.
"Fuck, fuck, that's it," Sangyeon groaned and pushed Eric's face down into the puke.
That got a reaction.
Eric started crying, he really had no idea what was going on, all he knew was that he was sick and uncomfortable and choking on vomit.
His instincts told him to move and get away from this situation, but he was held down in position, there was nothing he could do.
When Eric woke up the next day, he was extremely hungover, his throat was raw, and his ass was very sore.
He sat up in bed, grumbling and groaning.
Sangyeon was lying beside him, scrolling on his phone. "Hey, cutie."
"What did you do to me?" Eric whimpered, his head pounding.
"I fucked the shit out of you," Sangyeon had a small smile on his face, recalling the night, "Although it was a lot like fucking a corpse. Or maybe a severely retarded person."
"Oh my god, someone in your line of work should not be saying that," Eric held his head in his hands, "I blacked out so fucking bad."
"Oh, I bet. What's the last thing you remember?" Sangyeon inquired.
"Ughh. Sunwoo's boyfriend doing tiktok dances for us," Eric staggered out of bed and to the bathroom, wobbly and nauseous.
Sangyeon laughed at him and got out of bed, "You need anything, babe? Hair of the dog?"
"Make me a bloody mary, please?" Eric called from the bathroom. Then he started heaving.
Sangyeon headed to the kitchen, "You got it."
Sangyeon had made these for Eric enough times that he knew the way Eric liked it. It was one of the few drinks that Sangyeon knew how to make. He also thought that perhaps Eric could use some food, but then he decided against that. He wasn't very keen on Eric eating breakfast. It was the late afternoon anyway. Eric could have a liquid lunch.
When Sangyeon returned to the bedroom, Eric was lying face down on the floor with Doofy lying beside him.
Sangyeon walked around them and put the bloody mary on the nightstand.
He came back and nudged Eric with his foot, "Who's Haru and why are they sending you memes?"
"That's Sunwoo's boyfriend," Eric muttered.
Sangyeon didn't like that, "Oh, no. No, babe. I don't want you talking to any guys. Block him."
Eric turned his head to look up at him, "He's a 20 year old twink with acrylic nails. He's not a threat. He's not my type."
"Your type is anyone that gives you attention," Sangyeon picked up Eric's phone off of the bed, he would block Haru himself.
"You're doing it again," Eric whined from the floor, "You're isolating me. That's not good, Sangyeon. I'm so fucking friendless."
Sangyeon hit the block button, "Yall can still hang out. I just don't want him texting you."
"Why am I allowed to have Sunwoo and no one else?" Eric stumbled up and went over to get his drink.
"Sunwoo's on thin fucking ice," Sangyeon sat down on the bed, "However, as much as I hate Sunwoo, I trust that you're not gonna have sex with him."
"I HAVE had sex with Sunwoo," Eric sipped his bloody mary, "Oh my god, this is so fucking bomb."
Sangyeon laughed, "Yall are like two drunk teenage girls making out. Nothing serious. Nothing to worry about."
Eric plopped down on the bed next to him, "So Sunwoo isn't a problem but his boyfriend, who I'm not attracted to, is. Right. That makes sense."
"It's actually good that he has a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend for once. I can't fucking stand when he's got a girl over there. I know how you get," Sangyeon said, his voicing dripping with judgement.
"Ah, yes, you know me, I'm a raging bisexual deviant who can't control himself and must fuck anyone with a pussy who crosses my path. Yup, yup, that's right," Eric nodded and drank his drink.
"At least you're self-aware," Sangyeon got off of the bed, "Come take your meds."
The next day was Sunday, Eric woke up first, and he thought he would let Sangyeon sleep in. So Eric got up and did his whole morning (afternoon) routine without him. He took his medication, took the dog for a run, and took a shower. Then he started cooking.
When Sangyeon finally awakened, he stretched, opened up the black out curtains, turned off the white noise machine, and called for Eric.
Eric had drank some depressing protein slop for breakfast, but he was making Sangyeon actual food. Still, he came when called.
Eric popped into the bedroom, cheery, "Hi, Daddy."
"Hi, honey. Come take your meds," Sangyeon was walking towards the bathroom.
Eric did not follow him, "Oh, I already did."
Sangyeon paused, aggravated right away, "Why would you do that? You know I have to watch you."
"I didn't wanna wake you up," Eric replied sheepishly.
Sangyeon stepped towards him, "How am I supposed to know that you really took them, then?"
Eric could sense his husband gearing up to hit him in the face, so he backed away, creating some distance between them, "Because I'm telling you that I did. It's the truth."
Sangyeon didn't appreciate Eric cowering away. "Come here."
Eric twiddled his fingers and stayed away.
Sangyeon pointed to the floor in front of him, "Eric. Come here. Now."
Eric kept his eyes cast down and approached Sangyeon slowly.
Sangyeon roughly grabbed Eric by the hair and slapped him hard across the face. But that didn't feel satisfying, so he punched him in the jaw. Sangyeon shook him, "Do not fuck with me, do not test me. Get it?"
"Got it," Eric said, his dark brown eyes watering.
Sangyeon let him go.
Eric tried to shake off that whole interaction, he forced a smile, although his face hurt, "Come on, I made you breakfast."
Sangyeon walked out of the room past him, "You piss me off so fucking bad."
Eric wanted to burst into tears but he swallowed that feeling down. He followed behind Sangyeon.
***
It wasn't Eric's intention to have an affair, that's not how it began.
Eric was the bartender, and Hyunjae was a regular who was there most nights.
Their mutual hatred for one another had long since dissolved.
It started with harmless flirting; lots of customers flirted with Eric, and Eric thrived off of the attention. However, when it was Hyunjae, it hit different. Hyunjae was Eric's last connection to Juyeon, and Hyunjae's attention made Eric feel some type of way deep in his chest.
Hyunjae would drop cute subtle little lines like:
"You know, I had every right to be mean to you, but I always thought you were attractive."
Or
"Honestly, I still remember you cumming from sucking my cock and that was so fucking hot."
And Eric would blush, and laugh.
When Eric was at home, Sangyeon was tearing him down and making him feel like shit. When Eric went to work, there was Hyunjae, gassing him up.
Hyunjae being a major alcoholic and always being drunk as hell when he said these things was irrelevant to Eric.
So when Hyunjae suggested they get a room at the hotel down the block, it was really hard to say no.
Impossible to say no, actually.
Eric said yes.
Eric turned off his phone to make Sangyeon think it had died if he texted or called, then he took off his air tag bracelet.
Eric approached the other bartender he worked with, real sweet like, "Will you wear this for me for a little while?"
"He won't be able to tell if it's on someone or not. Stick it in the drawer," Chanhee replied, hand on his hip, "Where are you sneaking off to?"
"Please just do this favor for me," Eric grabbed Chanhee's wrist and stuck the bracelet on it, "I'm getting into trouble. Keep it to yourself."
Eric knew Chanhee would cover for him, he was trustworthy.
Chanhee shook his head and sighed, "And if your scary ass husband comes and kills me?"
"He won't. He's at work. I'm going on my lunch, I'll be back!" Eric rushed out, arm and arm with Hyunjae.
Honestly, Hyunjae and Eric didn't say all that much to eachother as they hurriedly walked, linking arms together, the short distance to the hotel. Hyunjae paid for them.
Reality didn't truly hit until they were both in the room, kicking off their shoes.
Eric was god awful fucking horny, but he was also really nervous because this was something he knew he shouldn't be doing.
Eric knew it was wrong.
Hyunjae had no sense of danger like Eric did. Hyunjae was single, and he was drunk.
"So this is really happening," Eric said anxiously, watching Hyunjae.
Hyunjae got a small bottle of lube and a condom out of his jacket pocket and tossed them onto the bed, "Yeah, this is happening."
Eric giggled, even though his chest was tight, "Oh, you came with intentions tonight."
"Yeah, intentions with you," Hyunjae took off his jacket and began undressing, "Show me your body."
Eric didn't have to be told twice, he stripped his shirt off.
"Oh, fuck," Hyunjae went over to Eric and ran his fingers down the middle of Eric's stomach, "You're hotter than I remembered."
Eric bit his lip, pulling his pants off, "I remember you having an 8 inch dick."
"Haha, yeah, something like that," Hyunjae continued taking off his clothes. When he was naked, he sat down on the bed. He patted his thighs, "Come here, I wanna kiss you."
It had been a very long time since Eric had a sexual encounter that wasn't violent and staged like an assault, so he felt slightly unsure of himself. He climbed into Hyunjae's lap and kissed him, it was soft and nice. There was so much feeling there.
Too much.
Eric pulled away.
He was insanely hard.
Hyunjae wrapped his hand around Eric's cock and squeezed it, "You're still so easy."
Eric moaned and thrust into his hand, "I know, I'm fucking pathetic."
"Not pathetic. Just hot," Hyunjae kissed Eric's neck.
Hyunjae kissed Eric on the mouth and Eric kissed back for a moment but then he pulled away again.
Hyunjae was stroking Eric's cock, "You don't wanna kiss me?"
Eric let out a shaky breath, "I'm so fucking scared."
"Don't be scared. I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you," Hyunjae kissed him once more, then took him off of his lap and pushed him down onto the bed, "Lay down, baby."
Eric laid there, staring up at Hyunjae, his heart thumping loudly.
Hyunjae pet Eric's stomach gently, "You sure you wanna do this?"
"Yes, yes, fuck me, please," Eric whined, spreading his legs invitingly.
Hyunjae lowered his head in between Eric's legs, Eric thought he was gonna suck his dick, but no. Hyunjae licked Eric's asshole.
Eric's body jumped, "Whoa."
Hyunjae giggled, "You need to relax."
Eric tried to obey and relax, but he was tense, "I want you to destroy me. Fuck me up."
"Easy, baby, easy," Hyunjae ran his hand down Eric's thigh, then he reached over and picked up the bottle of lube. He poured some lube onto his fingers, then slowly pushed a single finger into Eric.
Eric couldn't cope with this pace.
"More, more," Eric begged.
"Easy, baby, relax," Hyunjae carefully pushed in a second finger, "You really wanna get fucked, don't you?"
"Yes, fuck," Eric whined, "Just do it, I'm a pain slut, you can hurt me."
"I don't wanna hurt you," Hyunjae continued fingering Eric gently and leaned down to kiss his thigh, "Go ahead and beg for it, submissive boy."
"Please, please, Hyunjae, please fuck me, I'll be so good for you, I promise," Eric pleaded.
"You're so impatient," Hyunjae laughed quietly, "Desperate little baby."
Eric couldn't take much more of this, but he kept going, "Please, Hyunjae, please, fuck me. I need your cock, I'm such a fucking whore, I'm your whore."
"Such a dirty mouth on such an innocent face," Hyunjae said as he fingered Eric with one hand and stroked Eric's cock with the other.
Eric gave a frustrated little huff. He knew how to dirty talk Sangyeon, but not Hyunjae. He didn't know what Hyunjae liked or what he wanted to hear.
Eric didn't want to be demanding, but he couldn't help it, "No more fingers, just put it in!"
To Eric's surprise, Hyunjae listened.
He pulled his fingers out, tsk tsking at Eric, "You sure you can take me, sweetie?"
"Yes, yes, I'm sure, please, please," Eric was coming off so damn desperate.
Hyunjae was in no hurry, humming to himself as he opened the condom and put it on.
Eric held his legs up behind the knees, "Come on."
Hyunjae came close to Eric, leaning over him. He lined his dick up with one hand and placed the other hand on Eric's chest. He pushed his cock into him slowly.
"Fuck, oh fuck," Eric moaned, his toes curling, "Fuck-"
He was about to say "ow" but he bit down on his lip and stopped himself. He didn't want Hyunjae to think he was hurting him, even though he was. Hyunjae was just so damn big.
Once Hyunjae was all the way inside, he wanted to kiss Eric, but Eric didn't seem to be all that into kissing him, so he didn't.
Eric grabbed Hyunjae's hand and wrapped it around his throat, "Choke me. Be mean to me. Treat me like shit, like last time."
Hyunjae kept his hand there but didn't squeeze or put any pressure, "You're fucking adorable. You're just a sweet little baby."
Eric tried to lean into what Hyunjae was saying, "Yeah, I'm your little baby, ruin me with your cock, please, please."
Every time Eric said something nasty, Hyunjae would laugh softly at him.
"Can you be good for me, little baby, hmm?" Hyunjae slowly thrust into Eric, gradually getting faster. He hooked his finger under Eric's collar, "I know you're good at listening."
Eric nodded and put his arms around Hyunjae, pulling him closer, "I can be good."
Hyunjae folded Eric up a bit more, pushing in deep, making a bulge in Eric's lower stomach. He grabbed Eric's hand and put it on the bulge, "Look, baby, you like that?"
It was hot, but it was also uncomfortable, but Eric tried not to let his face show that.
"Fuck, Hyunjae, fuck! Harder!" Eric moaned loudly, "I wanna cum on your cock."
Hyunjae did as he was told and fucked Eric harder.
Hyunjae's cock absolutely WAS ruining Eric, but Eric didn't care, he didn't give a fuck.
"You're so good, baby," Hyunjae gripped Eric's thighs tightly as he thrust into him, "I love you."
Whoa?
"I love you, too," Eric was caught up in the moment, his heart was beating so fast. Precum was dripping onto his abs, "Choke me, choke me, please, I'll cum so hard for you."
Hyunjae continued pounding Eric's ass and made no move to strangle him.
"Please, please, please," Eric snatched Hyunjae's hand off of his thigh and forced it around his neck. Hyunjae tried to pull his hand away, but Eric held it there, squeezing hard. Eric shut his eyes, concentrating on the pain of Hyunjae's dick wrecking his insides and his hand on his throat.
Eric came, a hot white mess on his stomach, "I love you, oh my god, I love you."
Eric was clenching around Hyunjae's cock and both their breath hitched.
"Aw, that's it, cute little baby, sweet baby," Hyunjae carefully pulled out, "Can I cum on you?"
"Yeah," Eric nodded, he felt out of it, out of breath, out of his mind.
Hyunjae stripped the condom off and tossed it onto the floor. He towered over Eric, stroking himself, "Where do you want it?"
Eric pulled Hyunjae closer to his face, "In my mouth. Please."
Eric put his tongue out, feeling like a horrible little slut.
Hyunjae came in Eric's mouth, moaning, "Fuck, such a good baby, you're so good."
Eric swallowed it, then just laid there, panting, sweating.
"Stay right there," Hyunjae hopped off of the bed and went to the bathroom. He came back with a towel and gently wiped the cum off of Eric's stomach, "Sorry if that was fast, it's just. Fuck. You know?"
"It's ok," Eric tried to catch his breath, "So, you love me?"
"Yeah, I do," Hyunjae threw the towel off to the side and lied down beside Eric, bringing him into his arms and holding him, "That sounds fucking crazy, right?"
Eric's mind felt frazzled, especially with being held after sex, "I feel the same."
Hyunjae squeezed Eric and nuzzled him, "Ughh, you're so fucking... Ugh. I wish you were my boyfriend."
All the positive attention was going to Eric's head, "I'll be your boyfriend."
They both laughed at the absurdity of the situation.
They cuddled for a while but eventually got up and got dressed.
Hyunjae zipped up his pants, "Your man taught you some bad habits, huh?"
"What do you mean?" Eric pulled his shirt back on.
"Well, for one, you don't say anything when you're uncomfortable," Hyunjae put his jacket on, "And second, you didn't give a single fuck that I did not wanna choke you, and you made me do it anyway. Just saying."
Eric's whole face went red, he was so embarrassed, "Oh god, I'm sorry. I. I. Am I that bad?"
"No, you're not bad, not at all. Your consent line is just a little blurry. Something to think about," Hyunjae put his hand out for Eric to take.
Eric took Hyunjae's hand and let him lead him out of the room. The criticism made Eric want to cry, but he suppressed that feeling. He still felt really fucking good, above everything else.
When Eric got home that night, it was around 3 a.m.
He hoped he didn't sound strange or suspicious on the phone with Sangyeon on his drive home.
As soon as he got in the house, Eric stripped and threw all his clothes into the washing machine, turned that on. Then he went to go take a shower. He was all hopped up off of adrenaline, he still felt really high energy. He also still felt hopelessly horny, so he jacked off. He wished Hyunjae had cum inside of him. Hyunjae's cock was bigger than what Eric was used to, and it left him feeling sore. Eric wanted Sangyeon to come home and rough fuck him and make it worse. This flight of deranged erotic thoughts had him cumming fast.
When Eric got out of the shower, he screamed, startled, because someone was standing there in the bathroom.
Eric stumbled backwards, slipped, and fell down on the floor, "Holy shit, Juyeon!!"
Juyeon was standing there, in a black suit, with a cigarette tucked behind his ear. He looked down at Eric and half smiled, "Hey, babydoll."
"Juyeon??? What the fuck? You're dead!" Eric sat there, shocked, on the tiles.
Juyeon crossed his arms, "Yeah, I know."
"I guess my anti psychotics aren't working. Guess I've lost my fucking mind," Eric stood up and put a towel around his waist, staring at the figure before him, his eyes wide with disbelief.
"Oh, I think they're working. This is real," Juyeon shrugged, wiggling his fingers at Eric, "I'm a ghost."
"Right. Ok. Of course," Eric stepped closer to him, fascinated. He looked so real. Quite the vivid hallucination. It crossed Eric's mind that if he was hallucinating Juyeon like this, maybe he could fuck him. "Can I touch you?"
"God, Eric, that's where your mind goes?" Juyeon laughed quietly, "You can't touch me. That part is over for us. That's the decision you made."
Eric frowned, not wanting to argue, "I miss you."
"You were right, in the end. We were connected at the soul. We'll, we are now anyway," Juyeon became serious, "I came here with a message for you. You need to take care of Hyunjae. You stole his love from him, and it's your responsibility to give it back."
Eric nodded like he understood when he really didn't, "I've truly lost my fucking mind."
"That's all I'm gonna say. Bye, puppy," Juyeon turned, walked out of the bathroom door and into the bedroom.
"Woah, hey, Juyeon, wait!" Eric chased after him.
But Juyeon had vanished.
Eric stood in the bedroom, his heart pounding hard. What the hell had just happened? Had he taken his medication today? Certainly he had. The stress of cheating on his husband must have fried his brain a bit. Eric had auditory hallucinations before, but never visual ones. Should he report this to Sangyeon?
Eric was afraid of Sangyeon's reaction.
Perhaps he would keep this to himself.
It probably wouldn't happen again.
Eric sat on the bed and attempted to ground himself. Take care of Hyunjae, what??? Juyeon wanted Eric to love Hyunjae? Shit, Eric already did. Well, he had told him that he loved him. Eric wasn't exactly sure what he was feeling. But it was something strong.
Sex with Hyunjae had felt so genuine, like they were already connected.
Leave it to Eric to get all up in his feelings over a quick drunken fuck in a cheap hotel.
But Hyunjae had said I love you too.
This was a lot to think about.
Eric laid down on the bed, suddenly feeling anxious and tired. He usually went to the 24 hour gym after work, but he decided he would skip that tonight. That would make Sangyeon mad, but Eric would deal with that later. He was very used to Sangyeon being angry with him.
Eric's mind was racing, worrying about what he had done and if he was going to get away with it. Had he washed himself thoroughly enough? Would Eric's asshole feel different if Sangyeon came home and wanted to have sex? If that was the case, Eric could simply explain that he had fucked himself in the shower, which was true enough.
Eric texted Sangyeon a picture of himself naked on the bed and that he missed him.
Sangyeon replied right away.
Sangyeon: "why arent you at the gym?"
Oh. Right.
Eric was too frazzled to fight, he decided to choose his battles.
Eric: "heading there rn"
He got up and got dressed.
***
Eric was lying around in the living room, zoned out, scrolling his phone and eating cheetos.
Sangyeon walked in, "Stop eating, fat ass."
"I'm not fucking fat," Eric paused to glare at him, "I've already lost 10 pounds because you keep criticizing me."
"Well, whatever you're doing isn't working, because you look like shit," Sangyeon smiled in a mean, condescending way.
Eric pelted his bag of cheetos across the room, "Ok, I won't eat! Happy now? Huh?"
Doofy jogged over and started eating the cheetos off of the floor. Sangyeon went over and picked up the bag, "Your dog's as fat as you are."
Eric groaned, "Would you fuck off?"
Eric didn't know why Sangyeon was always picking on him. When he looked in the mirror, he thought he looked really good, but now he was almost beginning to think that maybe he didn't. Did he really look like shit?
Eric sprung up, "Come on, Doofy. We're going for a run."
Eric's newly manufactured insecurities translated over into his relationship with Hyunjae.
Hyunjae and Eric were at the hotel, and Eric was standing naked at the foot of the bed, feeling self-conscious, which wasn't like him.
Eric stared down at the floor, "Be brutally honest. What do you think of my body?"
Hyunjae took a swig from his pint of vodka, gazing at Eric thoughtfully.
"I think you're dangerously fucking hot, you're insanely well built," Hyunjae's eyes and voice were soft and sweet, "You look like a porn star. You're a total fucktoy. Literally a sex doll."
Eric blushed deep red and hopped onto the bed, smiling, "I really needed to hear that."
"I'm not even kidding about the sex doll thing, have you ever seen male sex dolls? It's your exact body type. So what does that tell you?" Hyunjae took another drink.
Eric stradled Hyunjae's lap, "And I'm handsome, right?"
Hyunjae abandoned his bottle on the nightstand and grabbed Eric's hips, "Yes, lovie, you're so fucking handsome."
"Mmm, we still have a good 20 minutes," Eric kissed him, "Wanna go again?"
"Hmm..." Hyunjae traced his fingers down Eric's back, "Why don't we go for a drive?"
Eric climbed off of Hyunjae's lap and plopped down onto the bed, "I dunno about that one. I'm pretty sure there's an air tag hidden somewhere in my van."
Hyunjae giggled, very drunk, "What does he think you get up to?"
"Shit like this," Eric shrugged, "You know what's funny? He doesn't put one of those things on the dog. She doesn't even wear a collar. But I've got a collar, I've got tags."
Hyunjae reached over and toyed with Eric's silver collar, "You ever take this thing off?"
"No. I've never taken it off," Eric shook his head, "If I get into an accident, the paramedics will have to cut it off of me. I'm not even sure that Sangyeon has the key."
Hyunjae sighed, "I know I'm just borrowing you. I know who you really belong to."
Eric held Hyunjae's hand, "Yeah, I belong to Sangyeon, and I love him. But I love you, too. And part of me belongs to you."
Hyunjae stared into Eric's eyes, "I love you so fucking much."
***
Sangyeon had Eric pinned against the front door, and was covering him in kisses.
Eric's cheeks were all red and he was squirming, "Stop it, you're gonna make me late!"
"Whatever," Sangyeon said and continued kissing on him.
Eric was getting turned on and that's not what he needed right now, "Daddy, please!"
"Fine, fine, go ahead and go," Sangyeon reluctantly stopped and released him, "Text me when you get there."
"I will," Eric headed out the door.
When Eric pulled up to the mental health clinic, he shot Sangyeon a text. It was monday, which meant therapy, which Eric secretly loathed.
He entered the building, checked in, and sat around in the lobby. He texted Sangyeon some more.
Eventually, Eric's therapist came out and took him back to his office. They sat across from eachother, Eric on a couch, Younghoon on a chair.
"How are you today, Eric?" Younghoon asked politely.
Eric let out an exaggerated breath, "Ah, good and bad. Today has been good, but I'm bad. As usual."
Younghoon had a notebook in his lap that he never seemed to write anything in. He adjusted his glasses, "How are things with Sangyeon?"
"Ugh," Eric sighed, "The same. Good today but bad in general."
"Why is it bad in general?" Younghoon kicked back in his chair, preparing himself for the onslaught of Eric's weekly bullshit.
"Well. It's just... Ok, I love him to death, I really do, but... I feel like he's suffocating me," Eric chewed on his nails absentmindedly, "Back when we were dating, he was always clingy, and I do like being clinged to, don't get me wrong but... Since we've been married, it's just, it's SO much. He tracks my phone, he tracks my car, he tracks ME. It's like he needs me all the time, and he HAS me, but then he's always in a fucking mood about something. Everything that I do, it's like I'm fucking up and I can never catch a break. Everything I do is bad and wrong. Yeah. I dunno."
Younghoon chuckled, "Haha, yeah, that fucking sucks. Do you think you can set some boundaries with him?"
"Ah, no, I don't know. It's like I'm not allowed to have boundaries," Eric ran his hand through his hair, "I can't say no to anything, that's our dynamic."
Younghoon tapped his pen on his notebook, "Are you talking about your bdsm submissive bullshit, or? What do you mean, dynamic?"
Eric crossed and uncrossed his legs antsily, "Well, the bdsm bullshit, that's a big part of it. I'm his submissive, and he expects me to submit like, all the time. And I like doing it, I know what I signed up for. But... It's too much. He's so controlling. I can't fucking breathe."
"Bro, just get a divorce already. Sounds like a nightmare," Younghoon replied.
"If you weren't so sexy, I wouldn't even come to you, because you give horrible advice," Eric scowled for a moment, "I don't want a divorce, I just want him to relax, you know, dial it back a little."
Younghoon's eyes lit up as he remembered something, "How's the affair going?"
"Ah, the affair," Eric sighed dreamily, then fell back to earth, "It's hard, the sneaking around. I want me and Sangyeon to open our relationship up again, like we had before. That would make things a lot easier. But he'd never go for it. As far as he's concerned, I'm private property."
"You're such a hopeless slut," Younghoon smiled, "You should have an affair with me."
Eric nodded, "That's actually a solid idea."
That's how the appointment went in Eric's daydream, anyway.
In reality, he never talked about Sangyeon in therapy. They mainly talked about DBT and coping skills for Eric's borderline personality disorder. Eric spent the hour telling white lies and saying what he thought Younghoon wanted to hear, saying things that would earn him praise. Eric would leave no better, with nothing accomplished.
***
Eric was taking a shower before work when Sangyeon entered the bathroom.
"Hey, babe, I put your phone on the charger. I'm sick of it dying everyday," Sangyeon said from the other side of the shower curtain.
Eric felt his stomach drop, "Oh. Thanks, babe."
Sangyeon kept talking to him, "I wish you wouldn't let it die. I hate it when I can't get in contact with you."
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry," Eric's heart was beginning to race.
Sangyeon sounded so emo, "Are you letting it die on purpose? You don't wanna talk to me? Am I smothering you?"
(Absolutely.)
"No, that's not it," Eric hesitated, "It just dies fast and... And I play a lot of games on it, which doesn't help."
Sangyeon seemed to accept this lie. He thought about it for a minute. "I'm gonna order you a power bank right now."
Eric felt doom creep into his chest, "Thanks, Daddy."
***
It was around 9 a.m., Eric was sound asleep next to Sangyeon in their bed.
"Pst. Eric. Pssst."
"Do whatever you want to me," Eric muttered, mostly still asleep.
"Pst. Eric. Wake up," Juyeon whispered.
Eric opened his eyes, but the room was too dark to see anything because of the black out curtains.
"Come on, baby. Get up, come with me," Juyeon beckoned in the darkness.
"Oh no, not this again," Eric said quietly.
The bedroom door opened, seemingly on it's own, letting the morning light flood in.
"Ugh, shut the door," Sangyeon grumbled, rolling over.
"Ah," Eric pounced out of bed and crept out of the room, carefully closing the door behind him.
He followed Juyeon down the hall and into the kitchen.
They stood in the kitchen, staring at eachother for a moment.
Eric crossed his arms, "It's very on brand for you to only show up when I'm naked."
Juyeon ignored his comment, "Hyunjae needs help. You gotta go see him."
"I don't even know where he lives," Eric wasn't sure why he was talking to something that wasn't even really there, "And even if I did, Sangyeon tracks everywhere I go. So I can't."
Juyeon fiddled with the cigarette behind his ear, "You have to. He needs you."
Eric ran his hand through his messy hair, sighing, "What's wrong with him?"
Juyeon leaned against the counter, "He's sad."
"He's always sad," Eric groaned, "I'm not listening to a fucking hallucination."
"I'm not a hallucination, god damn it," Juyeon stepped closer to Eric, "I'm a fucking ghost and I'm haunting you. You best do as I say lest I do something bad to you."
Eric was getting fed up with this, "Ghosts aren't real."
"Oh, yeah? Watch this," Juyeon glanced around the room, then whistled.
In comes Doofy.
She spotted Juyeon, stopped dead in her tracks, and started barking at him.
Juyeon grinned, "See?"
"Fucking hell, you're gonna wake up Sangyeon," Eric dragged Doofy over to the backdoor and put her outside.
"Go see Hyunjae today. Get it done," Juyeon walked right through Eric, "Bye, butterfly."
And he was gone.
Eric had goosebumps and chills all up and down his spine.
If Juyeon hadn't been there, why had the dog rushed in and started barking?
Eric tried to rationalize it and couldn't.
Then again, Doofy had maybe 2 entire brain cells bouncing around in her empty noggin.
If this was all in Eric's head, why was his mind telling him to go see Hyunjae?
Was something actually wrong?
Was this his intuition?
Eric went back to bed.
He couldn't sleep. He lied there, listening to Sangyeon breathing, wondering if Hyunjae was ok. Eric had no way to go see his love other than running into him at work that night, so any mission would have to wait until then.
Juyeon was right. Hyunjae was absolutely miserable that night.
Hyunjae was peak drunk, totally fucking wasted, he was sad and sullen, and was starting to talk about Juyeon.
Hyunjae was lying in the hotel bed, on the cusp of passing out. He looked over at Eric, "Do you ever think about Juyeon?"
"Not really," Eric lied, sitting beside Hyunjae and tracing hearts with his fingers on his chest.
"I think about him every day," Hyunjae shut his eyes, his voice slurring badly, "I wonder why he left me and where he ran off to. And I hope he's happy with whoever he's with."
Eric didn't say anything.
"I guess that's what I get for being loyal," Hyunjae continued, "Don't ever be loyal to anyone, lovie. Not to me, not to your husband. Nobody. You'll just get abandoned. It's all worthless."
Eric picked up Hyunjae's vodka bottle and drank the last little bit that was in it. It was cheap and it burned when it hit his stomach. Eric lied down and pulled the sheets over them, "Last time I saw Juyeon was that night at the club when I tried to fight you. Then you had him block me."
Hyunjae chuckled, his eyes still closed, "That wasn't my idea, that was all him. He picked me. You lost."
Eric didn't want to talk about Juyeon anymore, it still hurt as if it happened yesterday instead of two years ago. Eric tunneled under the sheets, "Is your dick working, sweetie? I wanna suck you off."
"Ehh, I don't think so, babe," Hyunjae picked up the empty bottle, "Let's go get more alcohol."
Eric emerged from beneath the sheets, sitting up, "I really don't think you need anymore."
"Don't tell me what the fuck to do, I know my limits!" Hyunjae yelled at him.
Eric flinched and fell backwards onto the mattress.
That reaction broke Hyunjae's heart a little.
"Oh, lovie, baby, relax," Hyunjae gently reached out his hands for Eric to take, "I will never hit you. You trust me?"
Eric took Hyunjae's hands and pulled himself back up, "Don't be loyal to anyone, don't trust anyone."
"Fair enough," Hyunjae nodded, "But I'll never hurt you, Eric. I promise."