Chapter Text
Seventeen days.
Ragatha has been here seventeen days. Or at least, she thinks so. Time is a bit fuzzy when it can be both day and night at the same time.
She is keeping everything in a notebook, every day, every adventure, everything. The notebook is...childish. It's pink and full of glitter, filled with stickers she didn't put on. If she brushes her finger over it, she'll find that the sticker doesn't have any texture, like it's part of the cover. At the very least, she likes the stickers; hearts and smiley faces, simple, but cute. It reminds her of her childhood diary, even though she stopped using it after...whatever. She doesn't entertain the thought.
Her room is childish. That's the first thing she noticed seventeen days ago. It reminds her of a dollhouse. It makes sense, she ponders, she's a...doll, after all. She didn't play a lot with dolls when she was little, not because she didn't like them, but because staying inside playing with her siblings or with the children of the guests wasn't as fun as playing outside. Playing with dolls meant staying still, and forcing a role on the dolls always made her feel a little squeamish. She preferred to just agree and go along with whatever the other girls wanted to do.
She had a few well loved dolls, though. She didn't really play with them, but she liked to sleep with them. Dolls are soft and dainty, and they don't say anything. Kinda like horses. Well...horses aren't exactly dainty, quite the opposite, but they're still soft and nice.
If she keeps thinking about her horses she'll get sad, so she doesn't.
Rubbing her eye, she finally wills herself to leap off her bed. She instinctively stretches, before she stops herself; she doesn't have any bones, and it feels like she might pop a seam if she overdoes it. She doesn't like when that happens. She doesn't like that it is shockingly common.
She tries to not pay it any mind. She sighs, shuffling awkwardly in place.
She can't wash her face, there aren't any bathrooms near her room, she would have to go try her luck on the dozen of weird doors that Caine made. Not that it would help, because she already tried once, and the sensation of water on her fabric skin made her want to curl into a ball and cry. Kinger had to her pat on the back until she managed to recompose herself.
Right. Kinger...
He's by far probably the only reason while she isn't immediately crawling back to bed. He's surely waiting for her in the main tent, he doesn't like walking to her room, it's like he avoids the hall... she doesn't know why, but everytime she asks he gets this...haunted look on his face, and she drops the subject like his expression burned her.
"He's waiting for me."
She whispers like a mantra under her breath. She runs a hair through her hair, or she tries, because her hair isn't like- isn't like it used to be. It's yarny, instead of curly. And for once, she misses it.
She exhales, and without thinking too much about it, she walks to the door and steps out. She closes it instinctively, even though she knows that she and Kinger are the only people in the circus, and that Kinger won't go near her room. And if Caine wanted to go inside her room, the door wouldn't stop him.
The lack of privacy brings back some unpleasant memories. Thinking about it doesn't do anything. She forces the thought down. It still makes her feel a little...small.
She walks through the halls. Her feet doesn't make any noise, not really. It sucks, a little, because she ends up accidentally spooking Kinger most of the time for the same reason. Kinger doesn't get mad, yet. But who knows when he will. Caine has suggested she should wear a bell after the sixth time it happened, she blushed and murmured she would think of another way.
So, when she sees Kinger scratching his head in the middle of the main tent, like he forgot what he was doing, she smiles weakly. She hums softly, a long, low sound. Kinger blinks, snapping out of his trance and immediately waving at her, a little sheepish.
"Hello Ragatha, heh... sorry, I didn't see you at first." Kinger turns around to face her. He can't smile, since he doesn't have a mouth, but his eyes show how he's feeling. And it seems he's pleased to see her.
Ragatha feels the weight on her chest lift, just slightly. She smiles, hands clasped together behind her back. "Hi! I get it, I know I'm quiet." she reassures, immediately unclasping her hands to flick her hand, waving off the apology.
"Yeah..." Kinger agrees and they stay in silence for a few seconds.
Ragatha can't help but squirm in place, she doesn't like silence. Not that the circus is generally silent, it's pretty loud, actually. The adventures are chaotic.
The adventures... she doesn't particularly enjoy them. But it's better than staying in her room all day. They're a good opportunity to move and make her think. To keep her mind stimulated. Some are...not pleasant. Some don't make sense, or there's a weird twist at the end, or the NPCs repeat dialogue. At worst, the adventure is full of action and she ends up hurt.
She's on the path of starting to accept them, though. It's a daily occurrence, and while they're unpredictable, at least she knows what to expect from her day.
Ragatha keeps humming, trying to avoid absolute silence. Kinger glances at her but he doesn't tell her to stop.
Then, as if aware of the expectant air in the tent, Caine appears out of thin air. Ragatha takes a step back instinctively, before she spares a look at Kinger who looks the same as he did before and she feels a little embarrassed over her own reaction. She straightens up, ready to listen.
"Good morning, my amazing pair of cotton wearers!"
His voice goes straight through them, the vibration stays in the previously stagnant air. He looks down at them from where he is currently flying.
Kinger politely nods his head in acknowledgement. "Good morning, Caine."
"G-Good morning!" Ragatha parrots.
Ragatha clasps her hands together, ready to listen to Caine's brief summary of the adventure, sometimes the information he gives is relevant (most of the time it isn't).
Caine hums, holding the lower part of his dentures like one would hold their chin. Before shrugging, the gesture is more animated than it needs to be. "There isn't any adventure for today." he states, resting his hands on his hips.
What.
It seems she must have said it out loud, because Caine tilts his head at her.
"I said there isn't any adventure for today." he repeats, as if he wasn't saying anything weird.
Ragatha shakes her head. "Y-yeah. But- um. W-Why??" she stammers, swinging her arms on her sides, before she wills herself to stay still.
Caine tilts his head even further, something he wouldn't be able to do with an actual spine. "Why what?"
"W-Why isn't there an adventure for today?" she asks once again, voice small. Before she tries to amend her question; "There w-was an adventure yesterday, a-and the day before that, and th-the previous days. All seventeen days I've been here." she shuffles in place, still staring up at Caine with an uncertain expression.
Caine blinks, before he laughs. The laugh is way too quick, way too loud, she has to stop herself from covering her ears...ears? d-does she- whatever. The sides of her head.
He flies closer to her, stopping just a few inches away from her. "Oh, my dear dolly," his arm stretches forward to pat her on the head, she isn't sure whether to flinch or to lean closer to the contact, so she decides on just freezing in place. "I know you must have been dying to go on another of my AMAZING adventures. But I'm an artist! I need time to think."
"...T-time to think." Ragatha mumbles weakly, feeling a little dazed.
Caine nods, as if they reached an understanding. "Exactly! now, don't you worry your little head. I'll think of something truly perfect for tomorrow."
Then, without missing a beat, he clicks his fingers and disappears.
Ragatha squeaks. "W-Wait- Caine?? w-what do we do then-?" she ends up whining, and this time she doesn't stop herself. She waits a few seconds, hoping he'll come back, but he doesn't. Please. Don't do this to me. This isn't how it's supposed to go. This isn't the script. She shudders at the thought of going back to her room. Of having to think alone.
She's snapped out of her anxious waiting by a cough. She blinks, realizing she forgot Kinger was still there. It seems to happen a lot, to both of them.
"Hey, it's okay." Kinger comforts, gesturing with his pointer finger. "He does this sometimes, mostly when he wants to make a longer adventure." he adds.
She gives him a weak, lopsided smile, but it's clear she's still a bit uncertain. Her hand reaches towards her mouth, but she is quickly reminded that her hand doesn't have any nails, so she brings it down and she starts to drag her hand up and down her arm, a soothing rhythm.
They stare at each other awkwardly. Before Kinger takes a deep breath.
"I'm going to my fort, tell me if you need anything." Kinger starts walking towards it, hands half raised.
I don't want to be alone. I don't want to think.
"W-Wait!"
Ragatha cries out before she can think better of it. Her hands are clasped together in front of her chest, and her expression looks both pained and ashamed.
Kinger blinks, confused. Before he understands. "Oh!" Ragatha can't help but feel her face burn with embarrassment. Kinger continues, "Would you...like to come with me?" he stretches out a hand.
Ragatha stares at it like it's a moving snake, before her shoulders slump. She nods faintly. Kinger keeps offering his hand, and she shyly wraps her pointer finger around his.
Kinger starts walking and she follows from close behind. The fort isn't far away, since it's almost in the middle of the tent.
It isn't the first time she goes inside the fort. In her first days, she struggled to get out; the circus was way too overwhelming. And she just wanted to go back home. She had been a crying, shaking mess.
Honestly, it isn't like anything changed. She just wants to hide it.
She doesn't understand why, but the fort is just...comforting. And it seems to calm down Kinger, too.
Kinger opens the door to the fort, which is just a simple pillow laying vertically, and he enters. He beckons her inside gently.
She follows, head still hanged. Avoiding eye contact. She crawls inside, her eye blinks as it tries to adjust to the darkness. Kinger lets go of her hand and she has to stop herself from whimpering at the lost. She crawls to closer to the wall, and she curls into a ball, face pressed into one of the pillows.
Kinger doesn't say much. He almost never does. After a while, his breathing deepens. He feels more present.
"So... what's wrong?" he asks, voice so soft it competes with the pillows.
Ragatha frowns at the question, hiding her face further in the pillows. "Mhm." she replies, eloquently.
Kinger, despite everything, chuckles. "Is it a quiet day?"
That's Kinger's way of asking if she can talk. After she arrived, he realized she sometimes has trouble speaking when she's nervous or upset. Ragatha had explained that it feels as if her throat is closing in on her, and every word hurts to get out. So he sometimes asks if she can talk.
Ragatha seems to seriously consider the question, before she shakes her head. "...Don't think so." she manages to breathe out. Her pointer finger moves to trace little shapes in her own arm.
Kinger nods slowly, accepting the answer. "I see."
They're silent for a few seconds, Ragatha doesn't like that. She squirms in place. Kinger takes notice.
"You're moving a lot."
Ragatha stiffens, shoulders drawing up. Her expression flickers with a hint of dread. "I-I- I'm s-sorry. M'sorry." she stammers, voice breaking.
Kinger blinks at the reaction, his hands reach out to try and calm her down. "Woah, hey. I didn't mean it in a bad way. It's all right, dear." he whispers, voice steady.
Ragatha's face burns when she realizes she overreacted. "...M'sorry." she repeats, shoulders slumping once again. Her non-button eye waters.
Kinger winces to himself. She's so...sensitive today. Did it really bother her that much that there isn't an adventure for today?
Whatever it is, he'll try to help her. It seems that talking isn't succeeding at that, so maybe...
"Hey, Ragatha."
Ragatha blinks back the tears that were forming in her eye to look up at him. She hums in acknowledgement.
He opens his arms with a soft look on his face. "Would you...like a hug?" he asks, making space for her.
Ragatha perks up.
Kinger doesn't really have any arms. But he has hands, and a body. And even if he isn't very soft since he's made of wood, his royal cape is soft and warm.
She lifts herself to her knees, looking at him. She wants to. But she's... embarrassed. She doesn't want to be too needy. What if he's forcing himself? isn't that taking advantage of him? guilt-tripping?
"Come here, sweetheart."
Her resolve crumbles and she crawls to his side, falling into his arms. She hides her face on his chest, ashamed. Ragatha doesn't hug back, not yet. Kinger hums, and his hand moves to carefully brush her hair out of her face. The gesture makes Ragatha's heart ache, and her eye sting. But what actually breaks her is the way he pats her back and gently bounces her. She lets out a weak sob, arms moving to wrap around his body.
Kinger looks at her sadly, but he keeps patting her back. "It's okay, let it out."
Ragatha squeezes him, trying to burrow closer into the embrace. "I-It-" she isn't able to finish talking because a sob interrupts her.
"Yes?" Kinger waits patiently.
"It's r-ruined...!" she manages to choke out.
Kinger tilts his head. "What's ruined, honey?"
Ragatha's breath hitched, and she whines, "T-the hic day!"
"Why's that?" he hums, listening closely. His hand rubs circles on her back. Trying to stop her from shaking so much.
Ragatha mumbles something incoherently against his chest. Before she babbles, "T-The script...I-It- hic it's gone. It's bad- it's s-so bad. I-I don't like it... I w-wanna... want same."
Before Kinger can think of a reply, she continues.
"I-I miss...my hair. Tho' it was messy 'n crazy. I miss drinkin' w-warm tea in the mornin'. 'N I miss... m-my home. W-where eve'wyting was the same." she continues to babble, her breath hitching as she struggles to communicate. "A-And now... n-now- no adventure. B-but adventure was same! e-every day!"
Kinger understands.
He sighs sympathetically. "Oh, I get it. It isn't very nice when plans get changed, right?" the hand that had brushed her hair out of her face moves to gently card through her yarny hair.
Ragatha nods rapidly, still shivering and sobbing but slowly melting into the contact. "Y-yeah. N-not nice. Bad." she tries to burrow closer into his chest with no success. "N-no adventure means...I-I have to be lonely. And think."
"Think about what?"
Ragatha shudders. "...Bad."
Kinger accepts the answer. "Well, we don't want that, do we?"
Ragatha shakes her head, murmuring a little nooo. It makes Kinger smile weakly. "But you don't have to be alone. I'm...here. Okay?" he whispers against her hair.
She sniffles. "Pwomise?"
Kinger chest hurts a little. He knows that...he isn't doing great lately. And sometimes, he forgets what he was even doing at the moment. And he isn't sure if he'll be able to keep his promise. But he'll try.
"I promise."
Ragatha melts into the embrace, as if that word was the only thing she needed. She nuzzles closer.
Kinger hums, her contentment is contagious. "You can come see me anytime you want. I'll always be here for you, okay?"
Ragatha nods against him, a little smile on her face. "M'kay."
"We can do this all over again, as many times as you want, as long as you need it."
Ragatha hums. "The same?"
"Of course." Kinger replies without hesitation. Before he adds; "And...maybe we can get Bubble to make some warm tea for us. So we can have breakfast together, would you like that?"
"Mhm!" Ragatha nods against his chest.
Tomorrow, a longer adventure awaits the pair. And surely, the day after that, too. But right now, they're alright. And they're safe. And the world isn't chaotic or loud. But rather welcoming and steady for once.
Ragatha falls asleep with Kinger still rubbing circles on her back.