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Blake was goofing off with Lux, chasing each other in an intense game of chorus-tag.
“Come on slowpoke!” Lux taunted from the top of the house, and Blake flipped her off as he bit into his own fruit, space warping around him as he landed on top of the house, tackling his sister before she could take another bite. They both tumbled off the roof in a flurry of laughter just as Astron placed a bucket of water, making sure they landed safely.
“Careful you two!” They chastised, their hair resembling stormclouds in their distress. “You could break a bone!”
“Sorry.” Blake stood but was immediately yanked down into the mud by Lux, letting out a rather unmanly yelp. “Hey!”
Lux's hair was dishelved, her space buns loose and coming apart. Blake's ponytail had come undone, and he's not sure when. Oof, looking for his hair tie will be annoying. They were both sweaty and filthy, as they started rolling around in the mud, trying to get the upper hand. They wrestled regularly, and it was fun, because they were both trained fighters with a competitive streak.
It rained, not that long ago. The mansion the four lived in, the one Astron and Rat fled to, long ago, far from any populated server places, had seen rain not that long ago, which was a welcomed change to the hot summer days, even if the trees provided shade.
Speaking of the god…
“Guys, wash up, dinner is almost ready and you will not sit at my table covered in mud.” Rat calls from the porch, Astron walking up the steps with a basket full of herbs they went out to collect early in the morning.
“Race ya, slowpoke!” Astron yells and scrambles up.
“The last one is a rotten egg!” Blake challenges, and throws an ender pearl to get a head start towards the nearby hot spring.
“Oh you are on!” Lux screams and uses her anchor to get leverage.
“You would never guess these are two adult humans.” Rat shakes his head as the two younger ones disappear.
“I'm glad they get to be goofs.” Astron says with a fond smile. Rat scoffs and turns around, his tail swiping from side to side.
“Any news from Nox?” He asks as the two head in.
“Nothing. The others are still searching but I sent them on a wild gooschase.” Astron snickers. “They will never find their way here.” They say, confident.
“Good.” Rat nods. He trusts them without doubt, because they, unlike everyone else, always stayed by his side, no matter what. A worthy friend, indeed.
—
It's been good. So good.
Blake is finally happy. He's living with people that value him for him, he found himself a family, a sister, a somewhat father and a good friend, an almost mother that can give him guidance when needed. He is at peace, he no longer checks behind his back, he no longer jumps at every sound-
So why, he begs the heavens for answers, why is he sitting at the table, staring at the delicious rabbit stew, his stomach rumbling. He's hungry. He wants to eat.
He feels sick.
He can't even touch his spoon, his body locking up, his throat closing as bile churns in his stomach, threatening to surface. Lux is talking about something across from him, and he knows everyone is giving him worried glances, trying to keep the atmosphere light and open. He's the happiest he has ever been. He's finally found his place. He found forgiveness.
So why can't he eat?
Why did this stupid problem come back, after all this time?
“Blake?” Rat asks, finally, and he can feel tears in his eyes, gathering at the corners until he can't hold them in. So they break free, rolling down on his cheeks. “What's wrong?”
“I don't know.” Blake wipes his eyes. “I want to eat, this stew looks and smells delicious and I'm hungry but-” He chokes on a sob, and Astron pulls him into a side hug. “But I feel so nauseous just thinking about it.” He finishes, burying his face into his hands. He hates himself, he doesn't understand why this is happening. He's happy, he's good! Everything is perfect so why…
“Okay.” Rat says and pulls out that cursed notebook he had since that day, long ago. In the other cabin. When Blake was battling with another sickness, one that left the permanent marks marring his body. “It's alright, Blake. I'll figure it all out. Just try eating two spoonfuls, okay? Only two.”
Blake nods and breathes through the nausea. Lux is eating, and so is Astron, while Rat reads through something in the book. Blake thinks it's supposed to help, but he doesn't feel any better. He picks up his spoon and stared at the stew. His stomach growls, and so, he eats a spoonful. His throat closes up as he swallows, but he gets it down, his breathing controlled, and he scoops up another spoonful.
It doesn't stay down.
That never happened before.
The man shoots up, rushing to the sink, his stomach cramping as the food comes out, not even digested yet. Someone holds back his hair, another running a hand up and down his shoulders. The stomach acid marrs his throat and he accepts the offered glass of water, cleansing his mouth. He's sobbing, shame and hatred churning in his chest.
“Come on, let's sit down.” Lux says, pulling him away from the sink and to the living room, letting him cry quietly as they cuddle. Rat and Astron stay in the kitchen, talking about something.
“I don't get it.” Blake says, angry, so, so angry that he wants to rip something apart. To tear at his own chest and shake his own shoulders to just snap out of it, because he has no reason to feel like this! “I'm fine! I was fine! Why am I like this?”
“I'm sure we can figure it out.” Lux soothes him. “Maybe it was just a bad time.”
—
Blake hoped it was a one time thing. Just a bad day or something.
But it gets worse. His eating is completely irregulated, sometimes he craves food with an intensity, but every time he goes to eat, his throat closes up and his stomach threatens to revolt.
He forces himself to eat. Rat tries to help him, but they just can't figure out the problem.
It's been three weeks.
“Huh.” Blake watches with fascination as the scale stops earlier than it did yesterday. He lost another kilo. Rat next to him scribbles something down with ferocity, his ears flat against his head. He looks worried.
“Ten kilos in three weeks…” He mutters and Blake can't help but feel a muted, twisted sense of pride, which he doesn’t understand. He never had body image issues, there was no time or need back then, and he still saw it as unnecessary. And yet, now, he squashes that horrible, corrupted pride he feels. He knows this is unhealthy. “Blake if this goes on…” He trails off.
“I know.” The man nods, and steps off the scale, sitting down. “I think I could stomach an apple.” He muses.
“Okay.” Rat puts the book away and steps to the snack cabinet in the medbay. Astron has a bunch of health issues, and low blood sugar is just one of them. Rat pulls out an apple, and cuts it up with efficient ease, offering the plate to the younger.
Blake takes a slice, biting into it, musing how this doesn't hurt, doesn't make him want to throw up. He's healthy, he's okay.
He doesn't understand himself. He takes another slice, his stomach growling in want, need.
“We'll figure it out.” Rat promises, determined.
“I know.” Blake nods. He believes that there is nothing they can't do, as long as they have each other. All four of them.
It's a good life, he has. And he knows he will get better. Even if a small part of him doesn't want to- because he feels some kind of weird superiority every time he doesn't need to eat at mealtimes, every time he loses another kilogramm… It's wrong, he knows. And it will get better.
He hopes.