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PART I: Ilya
"How did you know you're bisexual?"
The question catches Ilya off guard. Sure, he's heard it plenty since coming out, but never from Hayden Pike of all people. Harden has known he's bi for several years now and usually it's a question people ask much sooner. "I got a letter from Santa because I was such a good boy."
Hayden rolled his eyes. "You don't have to be such a dick about it."
"How did you figure out you're straight? Works the same." Ilya doesn't know where this conversation is going, but he does know he does not want to have it.
"Oh, fuck off. Obviously it is not the same."
"Of course it is. I look at a beautiful woman and I think she's hot. I look at a beautiful man and I think he's hot too. You only do one of the two." Ilya knows his tone is condescending, but he does not have the patience for this conversation. He has half a mind to just walk away, but he promised Shane he'd try to be nicer to Hayden.
Hayden just rolls his eyes. "Everyone does that. I want to know how you realised that you actually like guys like that."
Oh. Now things are getting interesting. "You think all guys look at other guys and think they're hot?" Ilya asks.
"Of course. I mean, who wouldn't want to fuck a guy who looks like you?" Hayden asks.
Ilya couldn't stop himself from grinning if he tried. "You want to fuck me?" he asks.
"No, you're an asshole!"
"If I wasn't an asshole, would you want to fuck me?" Ilya needs to know the answer to this.
Hayden shrugs. "We're both married, so it doesn't matter."
"If we were not married and I was not an asshole, would you let me fuck you?" Ilya asks.
"Probably, but wouldn't everyone?"
This is the best day of Ilya's life. Well, right after his wedding day. And the day Shane signed with the Centaurs. And the day of that first photoshoot he did with Shane. Either way, this is one of the best days of his life and he's never going to forget it. "Where's J.J., we have to ask him." He's pretty sure J.J. is already at the rink to get ready for the kids to arrive later.
"We do not have to ask him! Can you just answer my question?" Hayden asks.
Ilya ignores him and nearly runs off in his hurry to find J.J. He finds him easily enough in Shane's office. They're going over some papers and it might be important, but Ilya doesn't care. This is far more important. "J.J., would you let me fuck you?" he asks.
"What the fuck Ilya?!" Shane shouts immediately.
"Shane, my heart, my soul, my life, shut up this is important," Ilya says. "Would you?"
"Ilya! You can't just ask that," Shane says again.
"No!" J.J. says at the same time.
"But imagine he's not married to Shane and he isn't an asshole," Hayden says now that he's caught up.
"Still no, I'm straight," J.J. says.
"No one but me is fucking my husband," Shane says. "What is going on here?"
"Worst Pike is finding out that he's bisexual," Ilya says, radiating glee.
"Fuck you, I'm not! I'm straight. I have a wife and four kids. I'm straight!" Hayden protests.
"And you would let me fuck you. That's not very straight," Ilya says.
"Wouldn't everyone?" Hayden asks again.
"No," J.J. says immediately.
"Shane, we need to get more straight people involved in the camps, we only have J.J. now to ask for an opinion on this," Ilya says.
"I'm straight too!" Hayden says.
"Um, Hayd, I think you might not be," Shane says carefully.
"No, I'm straight," Hayden says, sounding a lot less sure now.
"Okay, everyone but Hayden out," Shane says. Ilya opens his mouth to object, but one look from Shane shuts him up immediately. "Hayden, let's talk."
PART II: Shane
Camp starts today and Shane did not think he'd spend time on his best friend's apparent sexuality crisis. Thankfully Ilya doesn't put up much of a fight and leaves pretty quickly after Shane tells him to leave.
"Man, you really have him whipped, don't you?" Hayden asks. Shane knows his friend well enough to know he's trying to hide his nervousness with a joke.
"I learned from Jackie how to handle my man," Shane says.
Hayden's laugh sounds forced.
"Do you want to tell me what all of that is about?" Shane asks.
"Nope. Great talk! We should get ready for the kids!" Hayden would try to leave, but he knows that look on Shane's face far too well. He sees it on his wife all too often. Maybe Shane realy did learn from Jackie how to handle a man like Ilya Rozanov. "I may have asked him how he knew he's bi."
"I see, and now Ilya thinks you might be bi," Shane says.
Hayden nods. "I can't be, right?"
"I don't know. Do you ever think of guys when you… you know?"
"Doesn't everyone?"
"I do, but I'm gay. And I do not think of women that way. I tried, but it didn't really do anything for me," Shane explains. Looking back it should not have taken Rose Landry telling him he's gay to figure that one out.
"Oh," Hayden says softly.
"Look, it doesn't have to change anything. You're married and you love your wife. You just… also happen to be attracted to guys. Maybe," Shane says.
Hayden's quiet for a long time. "So… I might be bisexual?" he whispers.
"Maybe. You don't have to know right now, take your time. Like I said, you're married and it doesn't have to change a thing." Shane isn't sure how to best help Hayden right now. He needed someone to tell him that he's gay, but at that point he had been fucking a guy for years already. He can't possibly compare their situations.
"Well, at least I know my wife isn't homophobic," Hayden jokes.
"Jackie loves you. She may be a bit shocked when you tell her, if you tell her, but she won't stop loving you." That's something Shane is sure of. He knows she kicked some WAGs out of the group chat because they were homophobic, even though Shane would never see their comments. Shane hates to agree with Ilya when it comes to Hayden, but he truly does not know how he managed to get a woman as great as she is.
Hayden nods. "And the kids have no problem with it either. They love you and Ilya." Hayden isn't as quiet as he was earlier, but he's clearly still processing all of this.
"Will you be okay to coach the kids today? We have enough people for you to sit out if you need to."
Hayden immediately shakes his head. "Nah, bro, I'm fine! Don't worry about me. I'll go see if I can help J.J. set up some stuff out there."
"It really is okay if you want to take some time, Hayd." Shane can see that Hayden is pushing himself to move on from this. If it's what Hayden wants, he'll go along with it. He just wants to make sure that it's truly what Hayden wants.
"I'm okay! I'll see you out there." Hayden rushes out.
Shane needs to get out as well and bribe Ilya into leaving Hayden alone today somehow. Thankfully Ilya is extremely easy to manipulate when Shane puts sex on the line.
PART III: Hayden
Somehow he makes it through the day. The kids are a great distraction and thankfully Ilya mostly leaves him alone, no doubt thanks to Shane. Still, whenever he gets a moment of quiet his mind wanders to one question. 'Am I bi?'
At the end of the day, right before he leaves for his hotel in Ottawa, he corners J.J. "Hey, man, be honest with me, you've never thought of a guy when you jack off?" he asks softly, carefully checking to make sure Ilya isn't around.
"Never," J.J. says. "But I am totally supportive of you if you have. It's all cool, man."
"Fuck. I really thought everyone… like guys are just hot, you know?" Hayden says.
J.J. shrugs. "Objectively I could agree that some guys are hot, but I've never thought of a guy that way. Sorry, man."
"So… I guess I'm bi?" he says, trying out the label. It doesn't freak him out as much as he thought it would. He is bi. Hayden Pike is bi. "I'm bi," he says, sounding more sure this time.
"I don't know what to say to that. Are congrats appropriate?" J.J. asks.
Hayden laughs. "I have no fucking clue. I am very new to this."
On his way to the hotel he keeps repeating those words in his head. I'm bi. I'm bi. I'm bi. He calls Jackie to talk to the kids, and still those words echo. I'm bi. I'm bi. I'm bi. He waits until the kids are in bed before he brings it up to Jackie.
"Do you think I could be bi?" he asks.
"Oh, you're finally realising that! I'm so proud of you, baby."
That is not the answer Hayden expected. Jackie knew? "What?"
"I mean, it's been pretty obvious."
"To who?!" It hadn't been obvious to him.
"Hey, don't freak out. It's probably only obvious to me," Jackie tries to assure him.
"And you didn't think to tell me? I wouldn't have embarrassed myself in front of Rozanov today."
"What happened?! Hayden Pike, I need to know right now what you did." Jackie sounds far too happy about this whole thing. Hayden would consider not telling her anything, if he didn't know his wife would immediately go to the source himself.
"I may have asked him how he knew the difference between being attracted to men in a straight and a bi way."
There's a moment of silence and then Jackie's laugh is loud in his ear. Oh, Hayden is never going to live this down, is he? "Honey there is no straight way to be attracted to men," Jackie says between her laughter.
"Yeah, I get that now."
"I can't wait to hear Ilya's side of this."
Hayden groans. How he ended up with a best friend and a wife who both love Ilya fuckint Rozanov, he'll never know. At least Jackie is fully supportive of him and his newly found sexuality. In between teasing him, she makes it very clear that she's supports him no matter what. If he decides he wants to share this part of him with the world, she'll openly show her support. If he decides to keep it to himself, she'll support him in private.
Hayden's first instinct is to keep this to himself. He's married to a wife and he has no interest in dating a guy. As he lays in bed that night he starts today see a different side to the issue. He's seen some of the message Shane gets. There's the hateful ones, of course, but there are also so many people who thank him for giving them the courage to come out. The number of out hockey players is so small, and Hayden can make it a little bit bigger. He doesn't want some big coming out party, though. He decides on something small. Late at night, all alone in his hotel room, he updates his twitter bio.
@HaydenPikeOfficial
Father, husband, hockey played, bisexual.