Chapter Text
“It was our fault. Mari, she never- Mari never committed suicide.”
All air had seemed to leave him in a single blow, he never knew how a sentence so small could tilt his world forever.
What he got from Aubrey had been cold, like a wave of ice had washed over her that drained her usually fiery friend of all her fight and energy. She just left the room, just as quickly as she had reentered Kel’s life just a few days ago, he hasn’t seen her since.
Unexpectedly, the wave of righteous fury had come from his mature and collected older brother, that pulled at the collar of Sunny’s hospital gown and barely contained a full on punch on the half blind teenager. He had gotten out of the hospital a shaking mess, a mass of angry clouds that didn’t seem to dissipate even after long hours of crying, just better contained.
As for Kel, he wasn’t very sure what happened in that room.
The most logical explanation he found is that at some point he must’ve zoned out, as horrible as that sounds. Most words registered through his head, carved in his brain in the form of an old ugly wound that reopened after years of supposed closure, but when he tried to put everything together, all the details seemed to blur around the edges.
There was Sunny’s voice, hoarse from lack of use and slightly muted by the ringing in his ears.
There was Basil’s stare, the first time he’s afforded to look Kel in the last four years, somehow the blue regaining some color in that cold hospital room as he cried. A fact Kel would’ve been glad for, if the blonde hadn’t just admitted to the worst betrayal of his life.
And there was the wetness in his face, as he shakily closed the door to follow his brother home. It had followed him, a hollow space that only seemed to get wider and more consuming as the days went by.
He didn’t know what to think, a deeply rooted sense of confusion overriding any other emotion he thought would soon come. The last four years of grief, the last two years of reluctant acceptance, and the last three days of reconnecting felt pointless now. He thought it would make more sense now that he knew why his childhood friend was found stringed up by the neck in her own backyard, but it didn’t.
For the first time in his life, Kel was kinda glad he’s invisible. Their mother had already noticed the mood shift both her children had gone through, but clearly deemed his issues less important than finding out whatever could be bothering Hero first. His brother had been stretching himself thin while trying to appease their mother and pretend he was doing fine, the rare moments he seemed to breathe was when he was with Kel, either when they took their baby sister on a walk around the neighborhood or sitting in their respective beds in their room, together in an almost comforting silence.
“Today I found Polly in the supermarket. She said he had been institutionalized recently,” Hero purposefully didn’t mention Basil’s name, but he knew. The both of them knew. “She suggested I visit him and I- I just left. I felt like vomiting, Kel. What do I do?”
“Just don’t go. It’s not that complicated, didn’t know saying no to people made you feel SICK now…”
“Shut up!” He threw the nearest pillow in proximity at Kel’s face, which prompted the youngest to stick out his tongue back in retaliation. And from the relieved smile his brother gave to him right after, Kel knew giving the dishonest answer had been the right call.
He wanted to go. This was the chance to finally subdue the itch that has been driving him crazy ever since he saw Sunny disappear into his mom’s car and move out of town for good. The itch that had been trapping him in bed in pure fear of what might happen if he acted on impulse like always. The situation had been a prime example of how things can always get worse even when you least expect it, and at last, this was his chance.
Basil wouldn’t lie to him, surely not after everything. The worst lie was out of the way, but there were still so many missing details that were just begging to be ironed out. If his old friend was truly getting help, maybe things could be simpler. Maybe closure wouldn’t feel as insurmountable.
And so the very next day, he had woken up too early for such a nice lazy day of summer vacation. Only eating one plate of pancakes (count em’ one, because his appetite wasn’t as big as it should nowadays), before getting out of the house and sitting on his bike, pedalling his way off to the psychiatric ward.
It would be a long trip, the place just a bit after the border of Faraway, but it was better than asking his dad to drive and risking him tattling to Hero. Kel barely knows from where he’ll pull the courage to talk to Basil, and after making the trip back home, he doesn’t think he would have any energy left to handle a tense discussion with his brother, especially when he’s doing so good as things are.
And so, Kel readies his bike and prepares with a water bottle in his basket and his walkman set in his ears and his shiny new telephone in his pocket. As he does, however, he can see most kids and teens his age enjoying their summer as best as they possibly can. It makes him a little miserable to think of how this month quickly became one of the worst things he’s ever lived through in the span of just a few days. Maybe after he gets things sorted out with Basil, he could sit back and chill a bit more? He still has that match with Jay that he promised after all…
Eventually, he starts pedalling, a mad dash to get the adrenaline pumping that eventually just slows to a steady pace when Kel remembers that he should probably conserve energy considering how long it would take to get to his destination. Predictably, he easily gets himself lost in thought as he mindlessly travels along the empty road, only ever looking out with a bit of awareness for any glimpses of long pink hair across the sidewalks just in case he ends up stumbling into her accidentally, as impossible as that sounds.
He knows he won’t find her until she wants him to. And he had promised not to bother her until she’s ready. But Kel can’t help himself but hope that’s going to be sometime very soon, at least.
After a good one hour and a half of pedalling, Kel feels the sweat pouring from his head and relief flooding his exhausted lungs as he’s finally able to ditch his transport at the shade of a nearby tree, finally arriving at the psych ward. Just the fancy and somewhat imposing appearance of it makes his nerves start creeping back up his body again, although he knows by now that it’s too far to go back.
The reception was somewhat empty, the delicate decor only serving to emphasize how much Kel stood out between the few people sat on chairs who were probably more familiar with the place. The woman behind the desk barely gave him a glance, seemingly stuck talking to someone on the phone, but he does not back down.
“Yo! So, I’ve come to visit my- Er, someone? I heard he’s been transferred here recently?” she mumbles somewhat irritably, but her gaze actually meets his eyes for once.
“Name?”
“Basil. Basil Halloran.”
Her hands skips over to a nearby notebook, flipping it over until she finds what she’s looking for.
“Room 143. Just take a right, a left, go up the corridor until the penultimate door to the left, then two more right, and it’s the third door to the right, has a little tag on it, really easy.”
“Uh… Wait, what was that second- Fifth part!?”
To Kel’s utter dismay, the women seemed to have gone back to the phone, the open door to the rest of the building way more inviting then trying to get back to that conversation again just for some measly instructions.
“Fuck it, we ball. How hard could it be anyways?” he said confidently, only to lose said bravado after the first four consecutive lefts, and then really having to admit to being lost after having to do “eeny meeny” on the nearest corridors (he picked the one who looked like the luckiest, obviously).
But he probably must’ve looked a bit too hesitant on his feet to any onlookers, because sure enough, a kind woman adorned with a nurse outfit came to his aid with a soft hand on his shoulder.
“Dear, not to assume but, are you lost?”
“Yea- Uh, kinda.” He stammers, even if genuinely glad to have found someone who works there “I’m looking for the room 143? The lady at the desk said that’s where I could find-“
“Basil!? Oh my god, you’re a friend of Basil! And I was just going to make him some company now.”
“Yup! Friend. Let’s go with that. So, you know where he is?”
“Of course! Just take that door at the end of the corridor, and you’ll find the outside area of out facility. A little off to the right and you should find the small garden where he is, I’m sure he’ll appreciate some new company!”
“Thank you thank you thank you!” Kel starts making a mad dash to the door, already feeling a little bit claustrophobic from staying trapped in that maze for too long, as interesting as it had been exploring. But the kind nurse called out to him before he could even get far.
“Actually, could you do me a small favor? I was gonna take these tools to Basil with me, but since you’re going there instead, if you would be so kind…”
“Oh, sure!”
Kel barely lets her finish talking before grabbing the gardening kit from her hand. Shears, products and utensils of all sizes and shapes. It’s a bit heavy, even for him, which is surprisingly to say the least.
“Oh, and another thing. Please be careful and keep watch for the sharper tools Basil may use from this kit, make sure he does not try to keep any of them in his person after use. We wouldn’t like another incident like the one we had in his first days here…”
“An… incident…?”
The nurse suddenly pauses, eyes widening in what Kel assumes was realization that she just broke a code of personal info. He hopes she’ll drop the tea anyways, even if he could take the information out of Basil- Somehow.
“Well,” she schools her expression to something more neutral, or solemn? “Your friend tends to not be very kind with himself when in crisis. Your eye- Well, you’ll see when you look at him”.
Kel nods, albeit hesitantly, and turns around to go outside, although with much less enthusiasm than before.
Did Basil hurt himself? With those garden shears, again. Just how long has this been going on? Is that why he was bleeding too, on that day? Ugly cuts mixed up with bruises to the face and arms as the paramedics rushed him out of the room?
The box in his hands seems somehow even heavier in his hands now, each sound of the tools of metal clinking together striking and grinding as he took things step by step. Maybe Kel’s not ready.
To accept what things have become, that everything is too different to be the same ever again. That he’ll be talking to a familiar face with the feeling of meeting up with a stranger, having to accept whatever Basil says as truth with every doubt lingering in place. Hero was right about the vomiting thing, too, thinking about how this could be his last conversation with the blonde, depending on how it goes, if there’s even a way it could go smoothly.
Maybe, maybe…
Maybe it’d feel that way, even if he had all the prep time in the world. Maybe if things go south very quickly, it’ll still be a good thing at the end of the day, healing, right?
As he takes the first step outside, the calm breeze hitting his face as a new wave of resolve washes through, he decides.
“Not running away. Not this time.”
He scans the scenery outside. The place is larger than he guessed, with a lot of activities for the patients to do outdoors.
But as he directs himself to the corner of the space, where the greenery seems to grow more naturally and allow itself to be its most charming, is when he sees him.
And he looks alive.
Sure, bandages littered his body from arms to knees to bandaids to his face. But his face gave off peace that Kel thought had been lost to the blonde a long time ago. He seemed to be appreciating the view, caught up in those tiny details that nobody seemed to care about except him because he had a heart too big to not give mind to the prettier and more fragile, blue eyes filled with wonder just like they had been when they were kids.
It made Kel feel out of breath for some reason(?) Or perhaps it was just the anxiety of being able to talk to Basil again, he hadn’t come here with a game plan, despite having overthinked it more than he had done in his entire life. Basil didn’t even notice him, too enthralled in figuring out a way to tend to the roses and flowers without the proper tools, and while that buyed Kel some time, it was more unhelpful than anything.
So, all he does is take his shot.
“Hey Basil! Long time no see dude!” he approaches with the gardening kit in hand, already easing in to an easy topic of conversation “They asked me to bring this for you, and to watch you while you use it. Hope you don’t mind.”
“Thank you.” was all the blonde said as their eyes locked, his tone shaky as he took the kit from Kel’s hands and put it on the ground. And although it took him by surprise, he still noticed the small ways in which Basil tried to keep eye contact instead of avoiding it like the plague, or how they stood there for a second longer without the other scrambling to flinch away or finding an excuse to leave at all. You know, the little victories that counted, all that’s different but in a good way for once.
He sat criss crossed on the grass by Basil’s side, maybe starting things simple would do the trick, despite how convoluted things were at their core.
“So,” he questioned, just to gauge what Basil's view on the whole situation was, before jumping the gun on conclusions “how have you been dude?"
"I'm okay, I think." he tried to seem confident in the answer, but Kel noted the way he picked up the shears to busy his mind, "I don't really know...I... I've been talking to the psychologist and seeing a psychiatrist, and I've been taking my medication…”
"That's- That’s cool," A holy amount of information tho, time to not freak out. "It's good that you're getting better."
And Kel meant every word. Despite the conflicting thoughts about all that Basil had done, he was glad the other was getting help after a lifetime of not having it. He could not grasp the complexity of what Basil had gone through in the last four years, but he can conclude with confidence it had been much rougher than he originally had guessed.
The silence stretched on as Basil nervously tried to tend to the rose bush, and Kel tried to keep his head from spinning. Here they were hanging out (somewhat) like they did when they were kids, and despite his long internal monologues of what he were to do and say if he were ever given the chance to reconnect with Basil again, it all amounted to nothing in the sheer absurdity of Basil plucking at those roses with his specially dangerous and pointy shears.
"Why do you need so many of these?" Was what he eventually blurted out, pulling one of the shears Basil and inspecting it in indignation. "Is there a difference? They all cut, don't they?"
"The largest is a shear for dead and tall branches, the bypass is for green and live branches, the anvil is for dry and hard branches, and the one you're holding is for hedges and finishing touches on flowers," Basil said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and objectively, it probably felt like it to him.
"Pretty cool, I guess…" he answered, putting the shears back on the ground, not even bothered by the way Basil kept all his attention to the roses, relishing in the peace "You and your green thumb, I guess some things never change, don’t they?”
He felt himself smile, a genuine one that ripped itself from his lips before he could notice. Maybe things weren’t as unrecognizable as he originally figured.
“Which rose is this?" He said with a slight enthusiasm, basically knowing how Basil’s answer would go as it always did the same way when it came to anything about his knowledge in botany.
"That's a Lady of Shalott." he started out quiet, but his voice grew steady as one does when they absolutely know what they’re talking about "It's a hardy, disease-resistant shrub rose, known for its vibrant, orange-red buds that open into chalice-shaped, salmon-pink and golden-yellow flowers. It typically grows to a height of 5–6 feet as a shrub, or up to 8–10 feet if trained to climb."
Kel knew from the first few adjectives that none of that spiel would stick to his brain, his face probably making a show of how confused he was as he tried nodding and conveying he understood. From the way Basil seemed to retract seeing his reaction, course correction was the only option available, and Kel scrambled for something nice to say about the flower.
"Well, they got style.” He reassured loudly with a smile. “All orange and tall so… I like em’!"
"I like them too. They're beautiful and resilient." And the softness permeated on Basil’s face as he said it couldn’t make Kel agree more. A feeling of proudness for his friend as he mused how far they had come, even if deep down, he knew he was procrastinating the inevitable turn this conversation would eventually go through.
"But how do you always have so much of this info stored in there, anyways?" He had always thought it had been like a superpower only Basil had as a kid, and despite knowing better, it still felt like it sometimes.
"They call it hyperfocus," the blonde explained, looking at the ground, "Neurodivergent people have hyperfocus, mine is on botany."
Kel nodded enthusiastically, genuinely interested in what Basil had to say, but tormented by all things their chat left to be desired. But is there really such. way to make this transition simple? “I’m glad you’re fine, but why go for the eye?” Or “Cool that you’re okay, but why think forging suicide was the only way?”. He could only sigh deeply, the antsy feeling from all week and the lack of energy from overthinking and crying coming back in an ugly combination.
"Basil. Why did you poke Sunny's eye out with the scissors?"
The reaction was immediate. Basil’s shoulders tensed as he shrunk, his eyes focusing dangerously on the shears nearby which immediately made chills run through his spine.
Maybe he shouldn’t have ruined things, god knows what Sunny said to Basil in that room that set him off so badly. At least he knows he can run faster than him if the worst case comes to happen.
"I didn't aim for him, I aimed for what was behind him," he said, eyes wide and unfocused, "I aimed at Something, not him. I...I needed to get it out of him."
Basil’s eyes darted with suspicion through the once peaceful scenery, and Kel couldn’t figure out what terrible visage could’ve been so horrible that it drove him to almost kill Sunny in a misguided act of heroism. What could be so haunting that even now, at a drop of a dime, Basil seemed afraid it would come back to swallow him whole.
And that wasn’t even the worst of his sins.
"And Mari..." He tried to keep his voice from trembling so much, but it made even less sense somehow, "Why? Why do that to her!? To us."
"I did this for him." And he said it like it had been a simple choice, like the rest of them hadn’t been an important part of the equation.
Kel gripped at the grass blades in his grasp like a life line, an explosion building up in his throat. Basil only smiled, one that felt like mockery, one that wasn’t the peaceful one Kel had gotten a glimpse of when he arrived, only something ugly and twisted in desperation, "Sunny pushed her down the stairs, I arrived and he had laid her down on the bed, as if she were sleeping. I...I couldn't."
"So you just hung her in the yard!? That was the only logical solution?" Kel finally snapped, his exasperation the only thing left before he completely freaked out. Basil swallowed hard in response.
"I couldn't let them take him from me...I couldn't leave him like that." Basil said, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes, "I had to take care of him, Sunny was important to me, he was the only one who..."
The blonde finally stopped smiling, and Kel sighed deeply as he felt the beginning of a headache swell up in his head. Usually, things were pretty simple when it came to life. The only subject that brought him such a wide array of emotions at once before was Mari’s death, but feeling the pity, guilt, frustration, anger and confusion build up in his chest, Kel only had the energy to be sad. Of what was left of them, as Basil stared at him with wet pleading eyes.
"Look, I’m trying to understand, I really am. But you’ve got to admit this sounds insane, even with an explanation."
"I..." Basil began, and Kel let him speak, "I know it's confusing, but I did this because... I needed Sunny. I waited years for him, and he left. And now it's all back on me again, I've become solely responsible..."
"Not just you, Basil," He interrupted the other before thinking, since it was confessing what they were doing now... "Even back when you weren't yourself all these years, there still could’ve been something we could’ve done to mend things in the end, we... I- I just gave up. Abandoned you and our friendship."
"It's not your fault, Kel," Basil said, looking back at the ground. "It's mine."
Kel shook his head solemnly. If only it could be that simple, hating Basil and pinning everything on one person sounded absurdly easy, but his heart twisted at the thought. He wasn’t the only one to blame.
"Sunny also had a part in this, it's not all your fault. You made a mistake, but so did I and everyone else. We only let things get worse and worse…” He moved a little closer to Basil, internally hoping that he wasn’t scaring the other off, messing things up instead of granting any comfort. “It’s kinda the reason why I couldn’t hate you, even after everything. You know?”
Basil seemed taken aback, searching for any dishonesty in Kel’s words for a moment. And Kel could’ve shined with the sheer relief when Basil let out a small chuckle, a sound he hadn’t heard in years, one he wasn’t even sure he could’ve brought out from the blonde after everything, but here they were.
"You've changed, Kel," Basil said, chuckling softly. "Everyone, everything is so different."
"You've changed too, Basil," Kel said, smiling to match Basil’s very own. "If it were a few months ago, you wouldn't even be talking this much! Or talking at all.”
Basil smiled sadly. "That's what loneliness does to you."
It wasn’t perfect. Not at all.
Things had changed, well beyond ever going back to the way they were before, but building new memories didn’t sound like the worst idea.
He still felt like it would take a while, for forgiveness to come naturally, to clear up years of misunderstanding and lies, to say Basil was his friend confidently again.
But this was a good start.
Unfortunately, it seemed like this was the ending of their meeting for now.
He felt a vibration in his pocket, a loud buzz breaking their peaceful silence. Kel took out his flip phone, rather annoyed by the interruption.
"You have a cell phone?" Basil asked, a drop of wonder in his voice.
"Yeah, Hero gave me his old one now that he bought a new one," he responded in a wide grin, ready to go on a tangent about how he was still getting used to having one, but one look at the screen and his mood depleted, "Oh man, I gotta go! I have basketball practice today, and I totally forgot!"
And it was going to be in one hour. He was most definitely going to get there late, soaking wet and tired to do his best at training! Man…
Kel kinda wanted to freak out, but seeing he had such a cool moment with his old friend(?) Basil just now, he didn’t want to dampen the mood. So he just went with helping Basil put the things in the kit back in place now that he was done with them, his smile ever present, even more so as he glanced at the now pruned rose bush, proud of Basil’s work.
"Thank you, Kel," Basil said, standing up as he handed Kel the kit, his hands were still shaky, but he wasn’t nearly as tense as before. Happy? Kel hoped so.
"You're welcome," he said while extending his arm for a high five, which Basil accepted in a beat. Maybe he went a bit too strong on that high-five but ooohh well, Basil didn’t seem to mind.
"I’ll try visiting some other time okay? I promise." He said, running towards the exit, "See ya dude!"
"See you later, Kel." He heard the boy reply softly before leaving through the door, leaving Basil and the pretty flowery scenery.
Despite running so fast he probably left some nurses disoriented as he passed by, he couldn’t help but giggle a bit to himself after the successful mission, the feeling of talking to Basil on a one-on-on conversation without the other running away was a high he didn’t know he needed, it had been too long since the last time he had a good day.
He hoped they could repeat this, that he came better prepared next time as he fully intended to keep his promise and hey! He could afford Polly a small visit…
He’d bet Basil is feeling a bit homesick despite his improvement, and what better way to help with that than a few flowers that came from home?