Archive of Our Own

I.

It's fall when Mira approaches her about it.

Zoey's kicking at the yellow Ginkgo leaves at her feet and talking about a new aquarium habitat opening soon, wondering what kind of animal will the aquarium adopt and if they should wait with getting tickets. She rambles for a moment before she notices how stiff Mira is. Her bandmate's gaze is focused on the door to the cafe a few feet away from them, absent from the conversation.

This doesn't happen often; Mira listens to her with full attention, she makes comments and adds her own ideas, often turning a stray thought into something tangible, like plans or lyrics. They've known each other for too long not to fall into this rhythm naturally, which is why Zoey stops, concern replacing the smile on her lips.

She shuffles closer and stares daggers at the door. "So what are we looking at, hm?" She sees movement in the corner of her eye. Mira and her turn to look at each other at the same time.

There's a beat before her bandmate smiles and tucks her chin into her jacket. She takes a steadying breath. "Zo, can I confide in you about something?"

"Mimi~ of course, big or small fry, I got you."

Mira glances at the door again before turning her attention to her. "I don't want this to make anything awkward between us three," she shifts her body weight from one leg to another and pauses, "…but I trust that you won't be weirded out."

"Me? Weirded out? Girl, come on, hit me!"

She hopes she sounds excited enough to hide how, deep down, her thoughts are going a hundred miles a minute. Mira shifts, looks away, takes another steadying breath. Zoey bites her lip as the pause stretches. She's is about to say something, try to make it a guessing game like she usually does when the tension isn't as thick as it is now, but Mira speaks.

"I think I like Rumi. Romantically," she looks to the side, "I might have a crush on her."

A beat passes. Zoey gasps.

"Our Rumi? The Ryu Rumi? You— sorry, give me a moment— WHAT?" Mira is already shushing her with a smile on her lips, "ohmygod, oh my god! Mira we have to talk about this, like, yesterday! Since when? How did you know? Did you just realize?"

Mira snorts but before she responds the cafe door opens. Zoey turns to see Rumi step out, hands so full that she has to close the door with her foot. One second she's walking with a bag of pastries close to her chest and balancing three large drinks in her hands, the next Mira is right by her side, taking more than half of the load off her.

Mira's chivalrous moments are an everyday occurrence to the girls at this point. This side of her is hidden under the picture she paints for herself, the reputation she proudly wears everywhere. It comes out when no one is paying attention, in small gestures, things that her bandmates thank her for and she responds with "of course". For her it's so natural to see what they need before they know it, to anticipate and deliver. Zoey has always chalked it up to that being her love language, especially with how happy it made her, even if she hid it well.

Now, Zoey can see the slight red tinge on Mira's cheeks before she closes the distance. It's different, somehow, the way she takes stuff from Rumi's hands, how she looks at her when Rumi smiles. Zoey didn't notice it before. She licks her lips, a bitter taste rests on her lips.

"Phew, thanks, Mira. I was afraid that I was about to drop one of our drinks." She sighs. Mira hums an acknowledgement.

There's a giant grin that forms on Zoey's face. She skips towards the two and gently grabs the order from Mira's hand. "I hope you like their special, it's covered in sugar," Rumi looks at her and notes, "they asked me three times if I was sure I wanted additional pumps. I think they had some heart-related concerns."

Zoey chuckles before taking a long sip. She hums, assuming that the sweetness will hit her immediately but it wavers. She looks up and sees two expecting sets of eyes.

"Maybe it's just me, but this might be a bit… bitter?"

"What? Let me check."

And, as she often does, Rumi takes a relaxed step towards her and leans down slightly. She takes the straw into her mouth, sips and hums. Zoey sees her throat bob a couple of times before she pulls her bandmate off of the straw.

"Hey—"

"Mira I don't think it's bitter, can you check for me?" The grin on Rumi's face makes the puzzled look she gives Mira completely unbelievable.

Mira leans in and takes a quick, big gulp. Big enough to stretch her cheeks just a little bit. She swallows it and shrugs, looking to Rumi first and to Zoey second.

"…I hate you both."

Zoey pushes the straw into her mouth and gives them both a dirty look. It doesn't last long, as all three are smiling again. Zoey clears her throat.

"If you want to get something sweet you can you know? You don't have to steal mine."

"Stolen is better, in this case." Mira counters, sipping on her coffee.

"Agreed."

Zoey licks the remnants of the drink from her lips, the unwanted taste subsiding just slightly.

The three walk alongside each other down the street. They talk, enjoy each other company, take sips of each other's orders (not Zoey's, that one is off limits). Once Rumi and Mira are deep in a conversation about a shoot that Mira decided to do this week, Zoey skips in front of them. She turns to look at them and smiles to herself, unsure why.

It's probably the sugar.

II.

She's tapping the pen to the rhythm in her head and staring at the page as if it stole her lunch money. Lyric writing for the new album has been going well so far. Because of their hiatus, Zoey had all the time in the world for it — and it's a privilege to write when inspiration strikes. Today was that kind of inspired day. Or so she thought.

Up until a month ago her mind was free of distractions, she even got herself a new notebook and doodled lightning bolts all over it. They reminded her of Rumi's patterns and she caught herself reaching for this notebook more often because of that alone. This was a new chapter of their lives and those lines hugging Rumi's frame were something so precious, something to get used to but so welcome at the same time.

Then Mira's cafe confession came and Zoey's dream of being a great wingwoman for her bestest of friends was slowly but surely coming true. She didn't think that Mira's love interest would be this close but she wasn't complaining about that, not at all. They'd been hiding away and planning things for Rumi for the past few weeks. It's not difficult for Mira to enchant someone — at least Zoey thinks it shouldn't be, but Rumi is special. Both of their heads needed to work on how to approach her, everything should be smooth sailing from there on.

Zoey gets away from her thoughts for a moment and looks at the doodle she just made. Both of her bandmates' faces are now on the margin of the page, with little, matching smiles and hearts around them. She presses the pen to the page and gives Mira a bigger blush. For the sake of accuracy, of course. Just as she finishes adding the last stroke, someone knocks on her door.

"Come innn." She says in a sing songy way, kind of expecting Mira to enter, as they were due for a talk about a possible aquarium date for both her and Rumi.

Zoey looks up from her notebook at her door and there stands.

Rumi.

Oops.

Her mouth opens for a split second. She closes her notebook so loudly one might think the contents were made out of wood and not paper, and throws it somewhere behind her.

"Oh, hi," she croaks, bending to the side and reaching for the half-empty water bottle near her bed, "what's up, Rums?"

Rumi steps in and closes the door behind her. There's an uneasy smile on her face, not the goofy kind she often wears but an actually uncomfortable-looking one. Zoey takes a few gulps and puts the water back in its place, still looking expectantly at their leader. Sometimes, Rumi needs a moment to get something out, other times she needs a bit of a push.

"Please don't tell me that you cancelled our hiatus, Ru," Zoey puts on her biggest pleading eyes as she scrambles to the edge of the bed and sits there crisscross, "I understand how eager you are but my creative process needs at least a few more weeks and a truckload of monster energy, okay?"

She smiles as Rumi snorts, finally getting rid of that uneasyness. "Can I sit with you?"

"What kind of question is that?" She tilts her head and taps the empty space beside her. Zoey tries not to stare at her once she's seated but she does come a bit closer to her and brushes their shoulders together. "What's up?"

There's a pause before Rumi starts. "I've been thinking for a while, you know. And I know— I think a lot, but this was in my head even before the Saja Boys were a thing, and before the world tour…" she takes in a deep breath and sighs, her head falling to the side, her cheek landing on Zoey's shoulder. Her eyes are on the door and she's playing with her hands, her breathing uneven like she's bracing for something.

She doesn't want to push Rumi into, well, speaking her mind faster, so she just starts biting the inside of her cheek nervously. This pause feels like deja vu to her; nervous, a bit awkward. She tilts her head and lays it on Rumi's, one of her hands reaching for hers to maybe help with the nervousness.

When she does that, Rumi's breath hitches. There's another beat, another pause.

"I think— I think I like Mira," Rumi blurts out, words spilling awkwardly. Before Zoey has a chance to react, she continues on, "as more than a friend, I mean. I feel like it started some time ago but Mira has been so… she's been so lovely recently? She smiles at me more— I mean she smiles more in general but now it's more special. And she fed me soup without making fun of me when I was coming down with something, and—"

She goes on, and Zoey wants to laugh. The contrast between how well-spoken Rumi can be in public versus how awkward she can be in private is adorable. Her hand is being squished a bit, the proof of how stressed she is. Zoey doesn't mind, she would never mind.

Rumi finishes speaking after a moment, catches herself rambling and, with a blush, she clears her throat. Zoey stops biting the inside of her cheek and shifts her body so they're face-to-face. There's a few thoughts that go through Zoey's head in that moment — how big and pleading Rumi's eyes look when she's worried, how much trust she puts into Zoey, and how her mouth starts tingling with something vaguely familiar. She shakes her head, both of her hands land on Rumi's shoulders.

"My fearless, lovesick leader, here's what we're gonna do," she starts confidently, Rumi looks surprised (probably at how well that confession went), but doesn't protest because when has she ever not gone along with one of Zoey's plans, "the new aquarium habitat opens next week, I've heard— from a very trusted source by the way, that they'd be willing to let us see it a bit before the opening day…" She looks at Rumi with the biggest, brightest smile.

"Okay, wait, wait wait wait," Rumi places her hands on top of Zoey's, guiding them off her shoulders and into her lap instead, "I don't even know where to start with Mira. What am I supposed to do? Just go headfirst into a— an a-aquarium date? Is this what you're suggesting?!"

Even before she finishes her sentence, Zoey's nodding fervently. "Okay, yes, listen. This is the perfect moment. We'll all go together so it's not super suspicious and then I'll leave the two of you to just… explore! I know that aquarium like the back of my hand, I will make a plan, draw the route— oh, oh! We could check out new things in their souvenir shop and you guys could get something matching!"

She watches as her excitement spreads to Rumi, though hers is much more lowkey. That rare, natural, and unpracticed smile appears on her face, the one that she doesn't even realize she can do. Zoey stares for a moment, then takes a breath before continuing.

"Yes? You agree? Rumi, this could be a cool first step, this could be so good! I mean— unless you're planning to just sit on it and never tell her, which," she puts the fingers under her chin in a thinking motion, "that means you're a coward, but okay."

Rumi snorts at that, "No I— I think you just gave me the confidence to not back away from this," She looks her in the eyes and holds her gaze. Zoey's mouth goes dry at the combo of big brown eyes and lovely smile. She coughs, reaches for the bottle of water beside her bed and opens it.

"So it's a deal, partner?" Zoey puts out her hand for Rumi to shake, and Rumi shakes it.

"Deal." She says.

"Okay then we will start planning… tomorrow! I will prep the maps and all."

Zoey takes a few big gulps of water before the bottle is placed back at her bedside. Rumi had already stood up and moved towards the door but she stops last second and turns around. "You're the best, Zoey," she says, nervously playing with her fingers, "I couldn't have asked for a more brilliant friend."

Zoey's smile doesn't appear on her face automatically but she wills it to do so. "Always, Ru, I got you," she says, before adding, "if you actually want to talk about this with someone you can visit me anytime. Sometimes saying your thoughts out loud and being listened to is more precious than anything else— believe me, I would know." She snorts at the thought of the yapper tables finally turning.

Rumi stares at her, something so sparkly and loving in her eyes Zoey almost falls into a pit somewhere deep within them. Instead, she shakes her head.

"Do you want a little something sweet before you go? I stocked up on some good kush."

Rumi laughs and nods.

Once Rumi leaves with her treat, Zoey is left sitting on her bed, frozen. She's staring at the door to her room and it takes a big bite of her cheek for her to go ow and finally reach for her notebook again.

She opens it on the last page she wrote on, pen already in hand. Her hand smoothes out the dog ear that appeared after she threw it, while her eyes scan the page and land on her doodle. She swallows nothing, her mouth weirdly dry. And bitter. So bitter.

III.

She's been preparing the both of them for a week now. Making little plans, talking about routes, and even checking the newest additions to the gift shop — all under the guise of this being a friendly get-together. She'd felt like that picture of a raccoon rubbing its hands in glee since the moment Rumi exited her room— or maybe since Mira's confession?

Point being, Zoey might be more excited for this than the girls themselves.

She waits for them by the door, yellow bucket hat in hand, as they prepare for their date. With sweaty hands, Zoey pulls out the little path plan she has for their aquarium trip and looks it over again, making sure she remembers all the places she could "vanish into". She takes out a pen and quickly scribbles down a messy message to herself right by the new turtle habitat—

"Still fixing something up, Zo?" A voice startles her out of her planning. Zoey looks up and feels her shoulders relax at the sight of Mira's smile, gentle and warm. She stares for a moment, and when Mira sends her a questioning look, Zoey clears her throat.

"Nah— I mean I have an idea but it's kind of a work in progress?"

Mira looks her up and down, then takes a glance at the plan. She analyses, glances over paths and little hiding spots, long enough for Zoey to let her eyes wander away from the map.

Instead, she follows the line of Mira's body, the see-through longsleeve she chose and the black crop top over it that both go so well with the high-waisted, dark jeans she had in her closet since their previous world tour. Over her elbow, Mira has a brown coat, another thing Zoey hasn't seen her wear before. These elements give off the casual elegance that Mira wears so well, though a bit fancier than her usual outing clothes. Not to mention the jewellery, the choker with moons and stars around her neck, and freshly-painted nails. Of course, Mira is a fashionista, out of all three of them she'd know how to dress to impress.

With that last thought at the forefront of her mind Zoey gets lost for a moment, because her long-time best friend is really prepared for this definitely-but-not-exactly-date. It's not like Mira doesn't wear anything new around them, but these clothes have been chosen for a reason — must have been, since Zoey hasn't seen them before at all. Would Mira had dressed up like this if this outing wasn't a cover-up for something more romantic? Would she still try to wear something this fancy, or would she tone it down if it was a purely friendly thing? Would she still try to impress them—

Zoey shakes her head. Impress Rumi. And she would definitely try to impress her even if this wasn't a date. Something raises in her throat before Mira's voice chases away her cloudy thoughts.

"I hope this isn't too much." she says, pulling at her sleeve. There's a lack of her usual confidence in her movement, in the way her eyes avoid Zoey's.

A moment passes before Zoey looks up at her friend again.

"Why would you be afraid of that? You look gorgeous," her eyes go back up Mira's body and the warmth she sees in those honey brown eyes knocks the slipping mask right back onto her face, "and cool, always cool— geez Mimi you really kept all of that in the closet, huh?"

She pokes Mira with her elbow, and they both snicker right before they hear a door open somewhere within their penthouse. They try to act casual as they see Rumi's head pop from around the corner.

"Oh, sorry for the wait," she starts, voice edging on unstable, shy, "I didn't realize both of you were ready."

When she finally steps out, Zoey feels her breath catch. Rumi brought out something she hasn't worn yet, either — a sleeveless dress that shows off her shoulders. Zoey follows a pattern that goes from Rumi's face, down to her neckline and curls around the necklaces she's wearing, and then towards her shoulder. For a moment, she just wants to keep looking, to get that picture of Rumi being this comfortable with them tattooed behind her eyelids. In the corner of her eye she sees Mira's expression, just as awestruck, her mouth open slightly.

This view isn't for her, Zoey realizes, and elbows Mira gently.

"Ah— Rumi you look… good. Hot, even." Mira speaks, her tenderness visible through the casual front she puts up. Zoey sees Rumi straighten up for a moment, but instead of running away, she puts a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"Thank you." She nods, and a smile spreads on Mira's face.

They both stop and stare. Zoey looks between them as she folds and pushes the map she's been holding into her pocket. Even after they move to put on shoes and do their last touch-ups, it feels like there's something rising in Zoey's throat again. She tries to clear it before speaking.

"Okay, guys, I think the car should be here any minute now so how about we start getting downstairs, yeah?"

She doesn't hear whether the girls confirm or not, Zoey's too focused on breathing around the weird rock lodged in her throat.

***

They haven't done anything. None. Zero. Nada.

Zoey's been letting them take their time and vanishing out of view, only to look back and see them social distancing again. During the time she was away, they might as well have started making out in this (closed off for the public) wing of the aquarium, and she would've only been able to tell by the smudged lipstick. That's how much space she's been trying to give them! But no, they have to be awkward.

After the third stop, she takes them both to the side, one after another, and gives them a pep talk. Stop number four is the last one in the closed wing, right by the new habitat.

"I don't care what you do, just stay close and actually, well, do something!" She vaguely gestured, and both Mira and Rumi signal that they understand before all three met up again.

"Last stop is the new habitat!" Zoey announces, "right by it is a tank with some fish I think you two might like. They're called butterfly fish."

She's walking at the front of the group, and she turns around on her heel to look at her friends. They're both listening to her, but the stress is visible on their faces. Zoey puts on her brightest smile and continues.

"So the butterfly fish — they're super pretty, they come in many variations body-wise— and some colour-wise, too, but here we will see the yellow pyramid butterflyfish," she takes a breath before continuing, "this species is supposedly suuuper peaceful, but also shy, so you need to keep your eyes open. They will hide behind rocks and in crevices and all that."

As they walk closer she takes a quick glance back at her friends. They're both listening, observing the tank even before getting right up close to it and smiling slightly. Good.

"So the butterflyfish — the yellow pyramid ones — will sometimes have little mohawk-esque things on their heads but not always. Very metal of the ones that do. They are right next to the new and shiny flatback sea turtles exhibit and, as I go to see where the turtles are and if we can go to the other viewing deck—"

They approach the tank and Zoey spins on her heel.

"—your job will be to count them! I know how many of them are here believe me, I really liked staring at these guys when we came here the last few times," both of her friends look at her, questioning but not against the idea, "there will be a special reward for whoever counts the most yellow pyramid butterflyfish."

Mira raises her hand.

"Yes, Mira?"

"What is the reward?"

"You will know in due time." Zoey nods sagely at the groan from Mira, accompanied by a quiet giggle from Rumi.

"Now, uh, I will be back."

She excuses herself, which is all according to plan. As she's jogging away Mira throws her a look, something worried, unsure. That glance is answered by two thumbs up and a big bright smile — go for it, which seems to be reassuring enough for Mira to turn back to Rumi immediately after.

Zoey doesn't go far, she slows down by a big, rounded tank. It's not super deep, a part of it leads a bit higher up, closer to the viewing point. As she's about to hunt a staff member down to see if they can shuffle there, a bit of movement catches her eye. A silhouette is right by her on the floor of the tank, a bit too unusual to be a rock or decoration. She crouches and puts her hand on the glass. The very ground moves and changes under her fingers, and Zoey realizes how close she is to what she came here to see — a flatback turtle. The adults usually nap close to or between rocks on the surface, but this guy has decided to take a nap here, right where she could see him best.

Zoey looks at the scales and acutes, her eyes round the shape of the turtle, the soft sea bed it's laying on— and then finally she re-realizes how close she is to it. Her head turns towards her friends, ready to call them over, to share this moment with them… but she stops herself.

Mira and Rumi are standing by the tank Zoey pointed them to, both observing the fish. She can tell they're having a small conversation together, something quiet, intimate. Zoey looks closer, studies their bodies like Mira often does when she's looking for signs of discomfort, and she realizes.

They're holding hands.

The smile comes onto Zoey's face almost immediately. This is a big step for them, isn't it?

Mira steps to the left, and Rumi follows, their hands are tightly joined as they both point at different parts of the tank, then turn to each other and smile.

This is a big step for them, Zoey thinks again as she turns back to the turtle and looks inside it's tank.

She's looking in but she's not really looking. It's not like she's not trying to observe the turtle, she is! But at the same time she's trying to push something back down her throat. She's been swallowing around it every now and again, but now it protrudes, makes it harder to breathe. More than it did when they were back at the penthouse. It's like a rock, acid reflux maybe, or even bile that she can't swallow fully.

Whatever it is, the bitterness rushes into her mouth, less like a physical wave of sick and more like nausea. Why does she taste bitterness on her tongue? Why can't she swallow it…?

A moment passes as she's crouching there, unmoving. Her hand is still on the side of the glass, right where the turtle is resting. The animal doesn't move anymore, as if it went back to napping. Like it purposefully left Zoey all alone to deal with all this. Unwanted thoughts are now breaching the barrier she put up in her head, coming up to the surface, and she has no say in it. She planned for this aquarium trip and researched and was so excited for it, all for her thoughts to just take a left turn off the cliff and into dangerous waters. The kind she doesn't want to swim in. Not now, not ever.

Then she hears footsteps. They're an ocean away, but get closer as she's trying to fight back whatever's squeezing her throat and making her eyes burn.

"Zoey, we've counted seven!"

Rumi's voice makes Zoey's mind clear almost completely. She stares into the tank for a second longer before she looks up to her friends, now standing beside her.

"Did you see something in here, Zo? I thought they'd be more visible on the other side of the tank…" Mira wonders out loud, crouching near Zoey. Rumi follows suit.

They're just at the right angle that the turtle Zoey sees is covered with vegetation from their side. Mira's eyes wander around the seabed while Rumi looks a bit further back into the tank.

"I- hmm," Zoey stands up slowly, her hand sliding off the glass, "I think we just missed them. I vote for going to the second turtle viewing point and then to the gift shop. Sounds good?"

"You're our guide, we'll be right behind you." Rumi says as she stands up.

"Sounds like our leader knows that the aquarium is not her favoured terrain."

"I— hey now, I remember all of Zoey's favourite exhibits and where they are, I love it here."

"Yes, but you can't spot fish for shit," Mira turns to Zoey with a smirk, "speaking of: I spotted five butterfly fish and she only got two. I win."

Zoey sees the sparkle again as she's listening to them bicker. Both of them are smiling now, something soft, something unspoken behind both of their expressions. If Zoey wouldn't know better she would just guess it's the usual affection, but she does know more than either of them. This new form closeness is something to celebrate.

As they slowly move, Zoey does one last scan of the big turtle tank. She sees the flatback get up from the ground and leisurely float away, its body vanishing between terrain and algae.

There's a passing thought, short and weirdly bitter in her mind, that makes her shoulders tense just for a moment.

I'm glad they have each other.

She swallows around the rock still lodged in her throat.

IV.

Seoul is beautiful in winter.

It's been snowing for a good few hours now, though it's supposed to ease off closer to the evening. Snowflakes dance outside of the window of the HUNTR/X penthouse on their way down to the streets of the city. Zoey hasn't spent too many winters with real snow so these last few years in Korea were a bit magical. Cold, melancholic, but magical.

Before Derpy came by Zoey was sitting on the sofa writing in her lightning-covered notebook. Now, it lays open on her thigh as she pets the demon tiger's giant head. He chuffs happily, bringing his body closer to her and snuggling in. She didn't realize she was a bit chilly before his warmth spread through her side.

There's a soft hum that glides gently through the living room, synced with the tiger's movements. The Honmoon's strings flow behind Zoey and she puts her hand out just enough for her fingers to glide over them. As Derpy biscuits on the side of the sofa, Zoey plucks the veil, creating a quiet melody. Soft, but boppy enough for her head to move to its rhythm.

It's like an experiment for her. Since they remade the Honmoon it's been more responsive, appearing not only during dangerous moments, but also during every day activities. She inspects it, as she was taught to do as a hunter, and she plays with it, as long as it allows for its strings to be touched. Time passes like this.

The melodic duet is interrupted. The strings flow from under Zoey's fingers and hold one, soft, low note, before she hears a hey from behind her.

She turns slowly, breath stuttering in her chest when she sees Mira.

The woman is perched behind Zoey, elbows on the back of the couch, head resting in one of her hands. A little smile on her face, one she wears rarely, though the welcome sight barely distracts Zoey from her tired eyes.

"Hey yourself." Zoey's voice is low, her hand falls from where she was pulling the strings of the world-protecting veil. It goes down to the notebook in her lap and closes it. Mira's eyes seem to glance at the white and grey lightning marks on the cover before Zoey continues. "What's up, Mimi?"

"I've been in the studio. Dancing, relaxing, putting down some cool moves I could use in a choreo or two." Mira rounds the sofa and sits down by Zoey's other side. She stretches her legs out before sitting down properly, eyes focused on the white roofs and grey clouds outside their window. "You?"

Zoey tries not to get too distracted by how nicely Mira's tights hug her legs.

"Writing lyrics. It might be a peaceful day but I'm kind of busy, because," she clears her throat theatrically before continuing, "I'm a kpop idol. Shocking, I know. And my group is kind of… a big deal, now? We're taking a break but we all work hard even during our hiatus—"

She nudges Mira with her elbow.

"—our choreographer doesn't stop working, even though she claims our leader is a workaholic. Like she isn't," Zoey's eyes move over Derpy's sleeping form, "and we're kind of— kind of demon hunters, but there haven't been many of them appearing lately sooo I'm using my head instead of slashing and bashing demons right now."

She grins and looks back to her friend. Mira's eyes are focused on her, legs pulled closer to her body, relaxed. Cheek snuggled into her own shoulder. A cute, squished smile brightens up her face.

K.O.

Zoey's next breath slightly stutters on its way in.

"Your choreographer takes many days off, I think," Mira hums low, "mm, do you think that your group would like to share some tips and tricks about writing songs? I've heard plenty about how they hit just right and all."

She makes air quotes with one hand, glancing at the notebook in Zoey's lap. Zoey gulps.

"Okay this one is a bit scrappy but… what do you need help with? I have plenty of brain juice left and if we really need a reference I will just grab another one from my room." She picks it off her lap and puts it somewhere between her and Derpy. It quickly gets lost in all the fluff, but she will deal with that later.

Right now Mira is looking at her again, eyebrows raised.

"None of your notebooks are scrappy, Zoey. I won't ask you to show me anything if don't want to, you know that."

She turns, grabs her phone from the sofa, and unlocks it. There's a few taps before she hands it to Zoey. A careful hand takes it and studies the white-on-black note in front of her.

"Mira are those lyrics?"

She gasps, dramatically, at both the contents and the slight flush that's creeping up Mira's face. The woman beside her grumbles something before speaking up.

"Don't be so surprised now, I have written parts of our songs before," she's staring to the side, playing with the hem of her collar, "just not ones like this. And I kind of wanted your help."

A beat passes. Realization dawns on Zoey.

"This is the reason why you look like you slept for like four hours max." Zoey scrolls up and down the note, ignoring Mira's warning stare. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I get it. You're a lovergirl, of course you would do this."

A beat passes.

Zoey makes an exaggerated surprised expression and opens her mouth to add something. Funny? Definitely. Teasing? Absolutely. Mira decides she's too tired to let Zoey speak her truth.

A hand lands on her side and slightly digs into her ribs before she's able to finish her sentence. She leans away instinctively, a giggle on the tip of her tongue, but soon she is stuck between a tickle assault and a very soft, very asleep Derpy. Zoey holds onto her laughter, but not for long.

Mira stops when she finally bursts out laughing. As the evil, evil hands retreat, Zoey's breath finally steadies.

"That's nothing to be embarrassed about, Mimi. Is this for…?"

"Yes, yes it is," Mira nods, a small smile spreading on her face, "I wanted to ask you for help, or just for you to read this through, maybe suggest stuff."

Zoey goes into focus mode, studying the lyrics, the little instrumental notes, everything in front of her.

"There's parts missing, they're marked with this." Mira leans into her, close enough for Zoey to feel her breath on her shoulder, and points at a paragraph. Zoey hums in acknowledgement.

These aren't bad, they're just very… shy. Mira is smooth and straightforward in their group songs, as well as brainstorming sessions. Her usual confidence is missing from these. The soft and lovely style compliments her but it's not her. These aren't the kind of lyrics Zoey would give her to sing, nor would she expect Mira to want to take them.

"Are you writing this for her or about her?"

She feels Mira move, lean on her shoulder more. Her eyes go over the lyrics too and she stays quiet for a moment, before she lets out a sigh.

"I think I wanted it to be about how I feel? Like what's happening to me when she's around. What she's doing to me—" she probably feels Zoey's eyebrow wiggle before she leans back to look at her, "not like that, Zo," she pinches her leg. They both smile.

"Okay, yeah, alright. Your stuff is usually more to the point and blah blah blah," Zoey scrolls up and down, catching an unfinished paragraph and stopping on it, "this is everything but."

Zoey goes on for a moment, pointing out phrases, flow, and empty spaces Mira left behind. She puts some momentum into the writing without making big changes, noting down suggestions and ideas on the side. Both Mira and her enter The Zone.

***

They've been at this for a while. No one really counts the time when things are going so smoothly but the way Derpy's body heat had merged with hers is very telling. Mira's head is on her shoulder, listening to what she's saying. Intently, as she always does. She's been quiet, just nodding while Zoey has been talking or writing things down.

"I know we've been making things together for years now, but seeing the process never gets old." Mira muses.

Zoey stops tapping the stylus on her lips, she looks to the side and catches the shadow of a smile on Mira's face, "Yeah?"

"Pop here, something a bit rougher there, and now here we are," Mira points at the phone with her chin, "a ballad, a really gay ballad. Hell, I wish I was so good with words to get this far by myself."

"I mean you did get far, do I need to remind you that you did most of this by yourself before asking for help?" Zoey smirks, but her enthusiasm isn't echoed on Mira's face. Her weight leaves Zoey's shoulder.

"Yeah, I did, but sometimes I just… wonder." Mira starts, her words are light, but her body gains a heaviness to it as it slumps against the sofa. "Would I be easier to be around if I was this good with words and with telling people how I feel? Maybe I wouldn't even need much help with this— I'd just tell her. And then, maybe, we'd just be. Together. Or not, I don't know."

She quickly waves off her own words, even as they settle against the inside of Zoey's ribs and stay there. Heavy.

Mira doesn't continue immediately. There's a slight tint to her face. Zoey sees her trying to go back to her protective shell when she says, "I got all mushy on you, sorry, Zo. I guess I'm a little jealous of the way you do things."

A pause hangs between them after Mira finishes. Zoey studies her face for a moment before her eyes focus on the view outside. Her head is working on her next words; there is a balance between what she wants to say and what she should say. What would be acceptable and what would make her seem just a bit creepy for looking this intently at her best friends.

"You know there are many different ways of expressing yourself, Mimi." She starts, playing with the stylus in her hand as she focuses on the pieces of her mind she wants to unravel. "You show a lot of love and care through actions. We've lived with you under one roof for long enough to interpret your glances, hums, and tell when you're lying during poker."

She pauses when Mira sends her a playful glare, no bite to it.

"We know how you feel without words. Rumi knows."

She sees Mira relax. There's a breath building in her chest that wants to desperately escape, to tell Mira everything Rumi sees, knows, and wants about her. How she gushed about Mira smiling at her more, opening a door for her, putting a hand in front of her protectively. That the glances that Mira thinks she's so slick with get noticed and celebrated. As they should be. No one else gets that treatment.

The breath turns into a wobbly exhale as she continues.

"I think you are good with expressing your feelings." Zoey licks her lips and steadies herself. Her next words come more assured, confident. Or so she wants them to.

"Right now you're translating something you feel into a more universal language. It's a challenge for you, but it's so thoughtful and loving of you to try. It's a gift that you're making just for her. An insight into your mind. And it's so, so soft, Mira." She pauses, unsure if she's doing it for Mira or for herself. "I think that as long as you're honest, true to yourself, and true to what you feel everything will fall into place. Sometimes with more effort, but it will. I know it."

She glances to the side. Mira seems to be deep in thought, playing with the fluffy ear of a plushie Rumi bough as a companion for their sofa-lounging ducky. For a moment, Zoey worries. What if she was a bit too forward? She did her best, chose her words carefully. She was honest. Wasn't she? Was she too honest? Fuck. She opens her mouth and attempts to pull the reins on her words but Mira speaks up.

"Once again, you have such a way with words. Fuck, Zo." Mira snorts, turning back to look at her. "Thank you. For motivating me. For assuring me."

Mira gently pats the side of Zoey's thigh. Zoey glances down just for a moment before pulling her eyes back to her friend's face.

"Oh, yeah." Her voice breaks a little but she smiles through it. "I mean yes, always."

The smile Mira sends her way is small, honest, and oh, so brilliant. It lasts for a moment, but the breath in Zoey's lungs gets lost somewhere along the way back up. She forces some remnants of it out as a chuckle, trying to catch herself from falling into something deeper.

"How about we finish what we started and make something to eat? The devil herself should be coming back from her shoot soon, no?"

Mira sends her a suspicious glance but reaches out and unlocks the phone on Zoey's thigh. At this point they have more than half the song and a simple melody, as they opt for something new and a bit more personal than their usual style. It's a note exchange the rest of the way, an idea market, and both of their stalls are stocked up.

***

The sound of the doorbell knocks them both out of it. They look at each other, not realizing how much time has passed, but definitely suspecting. Mira stands up to open the door.

Zoey hears the shuffling and muffled voices from the entrance. Rumi came back with some take out, apparently.

Before gathering her things and getting ready to eat, Zoey glances at Mira's phone one last time. She reads through the lines and notes they've left, nodding to herself at a job well done. Not finished, but progressed.

Something in her mind pulls her deeper in. To the parts still imperfect, to lines left half-done. It's a process, she knows this better than anyone, but she's been holding back. There's lines she can add, some love here, some notes there. It's like she knows how to see Rumi like this— who doesn't?

But this is Mira's work. Her song. For Rumi.

Zoey won't press herself in-between them further, not more than she's asked to.

Though the crunch of plastic packaging and smell of food almost make her forget about the song entirely. Her stomach grumbles, loudly, and before she knows it she's standing up and looking over the bar at her two best friends.

"Zoey, I can hear your stomach from here." Rumi's looking at her, leaving Mira unpack the rest of the food. "You forgot to eat for half of the day, didn't you?"

Zoey opens her mouth to snitch but she is stopped by the look Mira gives her over Rumi's shoulder. It would be quite ironic for two of the people who regularly remind Rumi to eat to suddenly just forget about their own rules. Zoey puts the back of her hand on her forehead and sighs dramatically.

"Oh Rumi, you have no idea what kind of day I had. You're saving me, with this wonderful gift of—" Zoey's mouth waters as Mira opens a styrofoam package and the smell of its contents wafts through the penthouse."—dumplings? Rumi I could kiss you right now."

As Rumi chuckles and helps with the food, Zoey jumps over the back of the couch and skips to the kitchen. Her moves are effortless but the breaths she's taking aren't filling her lungs like they should be. They stutter on the way in and tremble on the way out.

There's tightness somewhere deep in her chest.

V.

Since the end of their world tour, HUNTR/X has been even more out there than they were before. If that's even possible. They've been invited to many shows and events just so they could talk about their 'brave image changes'. Bobby, of course, made sure that all of the people involved would not ask any questions deemed as too personal.

Invites were only spurred on once they released What It Sounds Like. The single being the main reason why they're now under the low lights of the club. Well, maybe not specifically in the club, that's Zoey idea. But in California. For two weeks.

For Zoey, this feels like a vacation. She feels less at home than in Seoul, especially while missing her napping companion, but she doesn't mind the difference much. Anywhere with her girls feels like where she's supposed to be, after all.

They've been in this not-so-popular club for an hour. It was a neat find in Zoey's eyes, since the music is good, the people aren't weird, and the drinks don't make you want to bleach your tongue after taking a sip. Just right, as Goldilocks said.

"I will be back in a second," Mira says as she wiggles out of the booth and turns into the directions of the bathrooms, "need to powder my nose or something."

She sends them a wink as she leaves. Rumi and Zoey are left in the booth by themselves, and Zoey just now realizes she wasn't listening to any of the conversation that her friends were having. Thankfully, Rumi is more concerned with guarding Mira's drink than continuing whatever was being talked about.

"Ever the protector, I didn't even have the time to reach out for it." Zoey jokes.

Rumi snorts. She's almost finished her own, very light drink, and it's showing on her face, "Oh shut up."

They giggle. A group of people passes their booth and shuffles onto the dance floor. It's starting to get more cramped but not uncomfortably so. Yet.

Rumi says something, at least Zoey thinks she does. It's so quiet she doesn't catch it, so she scoots closer instead.

"What did you say, bubba?"

Rumi clears her throat, eyes stuck on the table. The words come out of her mouth slowly, like she didn't think she'd be brave enough to repeat them, "Do you think I deserve it?"

Zoey turns to look at her so quick her world swims for a second. Before she can think it through her mouth just moves, forming the most obvious answer, "Yes!"

Her best friend stays still, no reaction from her whatsoever. Zoey bites her lip.

Mira showed Rumi the song she wrote a few weeks ago. She's worked on it tirelessly and instead of just playing it for her she went with Zoey's suggestion and smacked it at the end of a mix of songs that she's made for Rumi. They burnt it onto a CD and Mira gave it to their leader one Saturday morning. And that's when it started.

Two of her best friends stepped into a relationship, very shyly, but they made it. They've been moving slow but steady, trying not to overstep or accidentally trample invisible boundaries. It's been fun to observe them for Zoey; there's been crying (good kind, happy kind), a bit of tension (of different kinds), and a lot of love. Though, the more love there is the more something else starts to rear its ugly head.

Soon after they started dating, Rumi asked Zoey the same question. Deserving Mira, deserving this, deserving the love that she has and all. Zoey clocked it as bout of self-consciousness. They've had talks about these moments as a group, clarifying what each of them needs when this creeps up and doesn't want to let go. Zoey was struggling with comforting her then, this time she knows what to do.

"There's nothing wrong with asking for assurance, you know." Zoey starts, trying to catch Rumi's unsure gaze. She's struggling with pulling her braincells together. "Did something happen?"

Rumi looks up at her an shakes her head, "No, no. I just thought I… I hid so much from you guys, made us almost fall apart. It's hard to allow myself to have so much."

Zoey hums as her eyes go over Rumi's face. She's listening intently, trying to focus away from how her friend's words affect her own heart. This isn't about her, but she can't stop herself from feeling.

"You put even more trust into me, then Mira took it one step further and did all of… that." Rumi gestures vaguely, but Zoey knows how much effort they've both been putting into this that she doesn't need it spelled out. "What if I just mess it up again. Somehow. I don't even know how. What if I say something and it all breaks again, what if I fix something and it makes it worse. Now we're in danger of it more than ever before but we're also so stable. I can't get used to it."

Zoey swallows thickly and glances at where the bathrooms are. Once she's sure Mira isn't anywhere in the periphery she bumps her shoulder into Rumi's, lightly.

"I know where that's coming from, I get you. But you already know that you don't need to hide the messy parts from us anymore," she winks as she continues, "and definitely not from miss lovergirl."

Rumi snorts, some tension coming out of her body. She shifts her legs and pulls herself just a bit closer to Zoey. They're sitting side to side now, the closeness between them new and yet familiar.

"She is kind of a lovergirl."

"Right?" Zoey beams. "And you know what's the best part? She does these things for you because you are you. You don't need to pretend or keep an uneccesary amount of weight on your shoulders. We're here for you, you know? We want to take care of your properly, Rumi."

Rumi breaks their eye contact and glances down at her glass. The atmosphere still hasn't shifted, it's very heavy, though it might be the alcohol. Zoey keeps talking.

"I trust you, I don't think anything horrible will happen, and even if; nothing can keep us apart. Communicate, tell us things, let us be there and don't put too much on yourself— or at least let us carry some of it too. Get used to it and don't worry about anything else. You deserve to be loved like this." Her mouth moves faster than her brain as something heavy spills out. "And you are very, very easy to love, Rumi."

Zoey pauses, kind of frozen at how easily that came out. Her eyes wander back to Rumi who slowly looks back up at her and tilts her head. There's some realization that goes through her facial features, body relaxing, as she takes in everything that Zoey said. Her shoulders stop bunching up.

Hell yeah. Zoey does a little victory dance in her head. Even when inebriated, she can still say the right things and comfort her friends. She should absolutely be proud of that.

Rumi's hand touches hers on the table, gently envelops it.

It stops Zoey in her tracks like an emergency break.

"Thank you, Zoey." Rumi says while looking at her and knocking all the thoughts out of Zoey's head.

Her hand is gently squished as a smile slowly spreads on Rumi's face. Zoey feels herself flush, the alcohol apparently hitting harder than she expected.

"Rums, always, I got you." Comes to her naturally, even when she's completely frozen in place.

After Zoey's brain force restarts they sit beside each other, people watching. They comment, laugh, and the atmosphere lightens considerably in the span of a few minutes. Their missing member comes back one they've settled.

"Oh wow, you really needed a moment there, huh?" Zoey bites her lip to keep herself from chuckling, Rumi tries to do the same but doesn't succeed.

Mira rolls her eyes, but the smile doesn't come off of her face. Without any hesitation she presents her hand to Rumi. The woman stops laughing, eyes moving between Mira's face and the outstretched hand.

"I want to go dance," Mira says, voice smooth as silk, "would my girlfriend like to join me?"

There's a pause in the air as they look at each other, Zoey observing both of their faces. This is the first time she's heard either of them say that, so she understands the momentary shock. Her eyes go from one to the other as Rumi is slowly shuffling out of the booth and taking Mira's hand, flushed and shy. Mira's not doing much better though. They hold hands and walk, throwing grins back at Zoey before turning away.

She's still smiling as her cheek rests on one of her hands. Both of their bodies slowly move through the crowd and settle somewhere far, but still in Zoey's field of view. The freedom they have here is good for them, almost no one will recognize them either due to how colorful the people here are or they will doubt themselves due to the alcohol. These two can just be. She's happy for them.

What a way to find love among all this mess. Though neither of them would probably say it's love yet. We'll see how long that lasts. Zoey has eyes and can see how their bond has evolved over the years. Whatever it is now, it will grow, spread its wings and fly off soon enough.They will grow, too, though it will take a while, considering how hard-headed they can both be. Or she's wrong about them and soon they'll shine together just as much as they do separately. Who knows.

Most importantly; they are here. Between demons and being world-famous kpop stars it's hard to find enough time to just be.

Zoey swishes her drink in the glass before taking a sip, still trying to follow them on the dancefloor as much as she can through the groups of people shuffling in and out. The bittersweet liquid crosses her lips, the taste settles on her tongue and warms her throat on the way down. It's funny, really, how much she catches herself looking for them in a crowd.

Mira smiles so much more. Not that she didn't use to before, she is a goof at heart after all, but it's just more. After all the tough times, the lack of trust, and the anxiety she let herself be a bit more open. Maybe it's the break from constant training, though Zoey misses Mira's voice and hands when she gently guides her and Rumi into following the steps she came up with. At the same time she's looking at how relaxed Mira is right now, on the dance floor. Hands on Rumi's waist and hip. How good she looks in the leather jacket and spiky accessories, how they compliment her honey brown eyes, her softness. Now that there are no threats she really allows her true colours to shine.

Speaking of colours, Rumi looks so happy. Her patterns flare when dancing with Mira now, gently but noticeably for both hunters. The burden that fell from her shoulders sparked a big change. Before this, even when she was trying to get closer and to help Zoey and Mira through their own struggles, there was something keeping her at bay. It's such a welcome change to see her face not be stiff and perfectly masked. To hear the voice that she's kept down all this time. Zoey definitely won't complain about the additional shoulderless and sleeveless shirts she started wearing. Rumi was always beautiful, but now there's just more of her in her. She's so bright.

She sees Mira throw her head back and laugh, the music and the crowd prevent Zoey from actually hearing it, but it plays out like a recording. She has it imprinted in her memory. Rumi follows suit, and they both stop dancing just to hold each other and laugh.

Zoey can almost feel how gently Mira's arms rest on her waist, or how warm Rumi's eyes are when she genuinely smiles.

She would do anything for someone to make her feel like this, to touch, to look at her the way the look at each other.

Something stops her breath in her chest.

Not jealousy.

Zoey straightens up suddenly. She startles herself. Her eyes don't look away from her two best friends on the dancefloor. She can't pull away, she realizes.

The glass is lifted and the rest of her drink is downed in one go, automatically. This time she feels very little of its actual flavour.

The sludge crosses her lips, mouth, slides down her throat and makes her breath hitch with how much it burns. It slips low, beyond her chest, until all that remains is the sinking feeling in her stomach.

It burns, really.

It's like, by accident, she ripped off the bandage from a wound she was trying to ignore all this time. The flow of thought that she was keeping glued shut weeps, feeding her mind the last bits of what she knows to be true. The shapes of these words cross her mind in an instant and she can't stop them.

What I wouldn't give so they would look at me like this—

Her body feels like she's on fire. It's unpleasant. The heat keeps growing.

—and hold me close. Like they hold each other.

Zoey fights with the sudden wave of heat and nausea as she recognizes two familiar voices. They're getting closer. She wishes they would've stayed away just for a moment more.

If, for a moment, I could love them, too.

"Hey Zo, you okay?" Mira's voice is soft and she puts a hand on Zoey's shoulder. She slid into the booth on one side of her.

Zoey almost flinches away from the touch. A concerned stare is directed her way from Mira, but she fights her own reflex and leans into the hand instead. Something searing hot crawls through her chest, up her throat, and threatens to spill.

"Mhmm, I just think I might wanna pause the drinking and go for water instead." She manages to throw out of herself, nervous. Zoey looks to Rumi, who is on her other side. "Excuse me, madam."

She pulls her legs up and lets her through. Zoey manages to push away her thoughts and turn up her smile to an unsteady 12. Fake. It hurts a bit as she speaks, "Someone has to get us home, you lovebirds shouldn't worry."

"You sure?" Rumi's voice comes off as let put together than Mira's. Zoey refuses to look at her face and see what emotion she's currently wearing.

"Yeah, duh!" She answers, shrugging. "You two are way too worried. Just don't canoodle too hard or whatever, I will be back."

Zoey hurries to the bar. The further she goes the less hot she feels, the less pressure is on her lungs. As she waves down a bartender the heaviness and searing heat settle in her stomach. The bittersweet taste is left in her mouth. The moment she's handed a glass of water she downs it. The horrible feeling stays. The taste in her mouth does, too.

She can't tell if it's the alcohol, drank too fast instead of being sipped like she usually does, or her feelings.

Something intangible burns.

VI.

"I will be back in a moment, I'll just take a few pics and maybe get a walk in," Zoey says as she dips into the hallway and grabs a blanket just in case, "you guys relax, call if you need anything!"

And this is how she ends up at a beach in California, feet dug in the slightly warm sand. The sun has just pulled the rest of its rays below the horizon line, leaving the ocean, the sky, and a few beach stragglers here and there.

Zoey doesn't really move until the people around her are gone. She observes, takes pictures, listens to the boombox someone's carrying on their shoulder as they pass by. Otherwise its… quiet. Unusually so.

But that's all she needed, really, after the week that she just had.

Tomorrow they will be on their flight to Seoul. Today, they're still in California. For the first time she'd like to stay here for just a little longer.

From the pocket of her pants she pulls out a rolled-up, bent notebook. She looks over the white lightning stripes and feels a frown grow on her face. Her hand grips the notebook harder for a moment.

Then she throws it onto the sand as hard as she can.

The sound of it hitting the grains is dull, just a little shift on the beach, no real impact. Without looking back, Zoey plops her butt on the sand right where she stands. The blanket is pulled over her shoulders and the back of her neck. Both for comfort and because Bobby would kill her if she got sick so close to the end of their hiatus.

No, he wouldn't. Well, maybe he would kill her for other reasons. She wishes he would.

Zoey sighs.

Maybe this will end when she goes back to Korea, maybe this is what California does to people. She chuckles at the thought, but the humour doesn't keep her company for long. The burn settles in her stomach again.

It hasn't really left since the club. Neither has it dulled. It only grew whenever she was close to them, like a reminder that she has royally fucked up. Mira and Rumi were concerned about her, they saw her pull back from them every now and then. Zoey said that she felt something coming on and didn't want either of them to get sick in case she did. Which, yeah, it is a type of sickness. She would love to take a pill or two every day for the next week and then just let it go. But she can't.

She thinks and tries really hard not to look at the iridescent string pulling in front of her.

The Honmoon has been doing this for some time now. It circled around her, enveloped her, let her touch it without the need to pull out her weapon. She hasn't really talked with anyone about it yet. It feels like a little secret between her and the protective veil that stretches over the entire world. Like she gained a new bestie that she has a special bond with. Perfect timing.

Zoey reaches out to pluck a string, but it moves away from her finger.

This. This is new.

Since a week ago the Honmoon has been subtly trying to pull her back whenever she distanced herself. She wishes she could tell it that she needs the space or that her distancing herself is the point. That this is better. Well, the overprotective veil listens to no one. It doesn't make a good friend at all, actually.

Now that she sees it better she notices that there's a pulse to it. The iridescence moves from the strings around her and pulls to the side. She looks at the direction it follows, her brow furrowing. It swims through the air right above her own footsteps in the sand. It goes back, step by step, before that colourful batch of strings vanishes and appears right in front of her again.

The Honmoon pulses brighter. It waits.

Zoey wants to question it. Why does it never do this when one of them is away on shoots? When they're away from each other for weeks, in different cities, countries, sometimes on different continents. Why does it stay quiet and content then?

She knows why.

Did it do it to Rumi, too, when she tried to keep them away from her for years? Rippled like this in front of Mira when they were younger? Zoey hopes so, because having the Honmoon scold you for holding back doesn't sound like something she can explain to them if they haven't experienced it.

Zoey sighs and looks up. There's no way she will see any stars tonight, the light pollution is too high. But at least she doesn't have to look at the veil that was reinforced with her soul and the souls of her best friends.

Said veil is now playing a melody, soft, trying to get her attention back to it. It doesn't stop for a few minutes, syncing up with the gentle crash of waves on the beach. The sound worms its way into her ears, even when she tries to ignore it.

She takes a deep sigh. The Honmoon plays two, soft notes after each other. One low, another a bit higher. Zoey feels the dull burn move from her stomach. Her hand lands on her chest and pulls on her shirt.

"I hate you, you know." She spats out, bitter on her lips.

"…Sometimes. Wow I can't even bring myself to hate you all the time," She speaks quickly while looking directly at the lit up colours in front of her, "you brought me to them, showed me a place where I felt really at home. It was with them, with them on Jeju, with them in our first apartment, with them in our bougie penthouse. No matter if they were bickering, cooking together, fighting or patching each other up, I really started to love them. So fucking much. They're my home now and I hate it as much as I love it."

The veil ripples, hums. Acknowledges, almost.

Zoey keeps going, spurred on by its presence, the smell of a distant grill, the familiarity of this sky, and the beach, and whatever else she can think of as long as she can use it as an argument as to why she's throwing all of this out of herself so far away from her home.

"I am as mad at you for pulling me back to them as I am at myself for letting myself be pulled. Because I let it happen." The bitter taste on her tongue comes back and she forces it out as a chuckle. "I have no clue how I could have prevented this because have you seen them, Honmoon? You chose incredible hunters this generation. God, I'd be fangirling over them more than I did with Sunlight Sisters if I wasn't one of them."

She feels the wind pick up for a moment. The blanket isn't enough for her to stay warm as the cold air hits her skin. Too bad.

"This is the issue. You led me to them, they naturally made me feel welcome, and I took it one step too far and… and now we're here." Her energy slumps, and so do the Homnoon's strings. The pulse is still there, but low. "And now every time I look at them I am so happy, but it hurts. And it's cruel, really, because I helped them get here. I ignored, shoved everything I felt under a rug and focused on them and their feelings. And then last week—"

Something shaky escapes her lips. A breath more than a sob, but not too far from the latter. The Honmoon ripples gently.

"It all just hit me. And it hurts that it did. Because now I need plans on how to contain it, contain myself and not intrude on them and theirs. I need to be brave and stay close, but I'm worried I will just keep falling." She throws her head back, not letting the blur that's fallen over her eyes clear. If Mira and Rumi look too close later they might see how puffy her eyes are and she doesn't want to explain anything but doesn't want to put up another wall, either. "This is so fucked up. Falling for your closest friends should be illegal. You should be able to just uncheck a box when you sign up for this, really."

Zoey thinks for a moment.

"But you know what's even more fucked up?"

She tries to regulate her breathing, her chest is tight. Her hand grips her shirt just a bit harder, like it would stop the hurt between her ribs.

"I can't be really, fully happy for them. Because I want them, both of them. Because I want them to love each other as freely as they want. But I also want that.

I want to love them."

The tears spill under the weight of her words. Zoey takes a moment, pulls her knees to her chest and hugs them even closer, buries her head in the gap like it would protect her from what she's about to say next.

"God, I'm so greedy. I already have their friendship, I don't need more. But I want it. I want it so bad that it hurts. And it hurts even more since I realized that I pushed it all down. It hurts when I breathe around them, do you understand? I can't be close to them anymore because they will notice. And they will notice. In time."

The burn finally envelops her heart. Her words sped up the process, it seems. Now she's left on the beach with a really scrappy, ripped notebook and a supernatural entity that she isn't fully sure has the capacity to understand what she's saying.

Zoey pulls her head up and breathes in. She's tempted to just get up, pat the sand off of her pants and blanket, and leave. Maybe she could throw the notebook into the ocean, like in those dramas— no, no she can't do that. That would be the final straw on her already fucky day. She'd be just angry at herself.

The cold breeze helps her cool her head somehow, though her heart still feels like it will beat out of her chest. It's not slowing, and maybe that's good. Maybe this is where she can start being brave.

Maybe this adrenaline and feelings and tears will be good for something. Like a little fucked up motivator. She tries to smile through it.

Her thoughts wander before she hears a crunch of sand somewhere behind her. It wouldn't be anything, really, if it wasn't followed by—

"Hey."

Zoey's head whips back, her body turns with it. She feels the tears drying on her face as the wind blows. It tousles Rumi and Mira's hair. They both look concerned, maybe cold, and they're dressed lightly like they didn't change before coming to her. How did they even know where she was?

There's a pause, one that Zoey tries her best to cut short. Be nonchalant, like you didn't just cry at a beach.

"Hey. Uh sorry if I wasn't picking up my phone. I was having a moment."

She's trying to push a chuckle out of herself to cut the tension, to get those frowns off of her friends' faces, but it doesn't work. Zoey's nervously biting her lip when she asks.

"How long have you been standing there?"