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“I’m not,” Wooyoung repeated, throwing a cheeseball at Changbin who successfully avoided it without even looking at him. Wooyoung tries once again, throwing another at Changbin’s back only for him to turn around and catch the cheeseball, hitting the bullseye on Wooyoung’s head.
Changbin rolled his eyes on Wooyoung small ouch, “You are usually confident with all these dating and love fiasco. What makes this one different?”
Wooyoung fits many cheeseballs in his mouth as much as he can. He lets the loud crunch fill Changbin’s room, maybe he will be annoyed enough to leave the questions hanging. A loud and long sigh comes out from Wooyoung’s nose when Changbin still stares at him, adding more pressure to his gaze with his eyebrows hiding behind his bangs.
Here is the thing. Or many things.
Wooyoung don’t like Hongjoong, okay. Him being bisexual and Hongjoong coincidentally fit all his list of types in a man doesn’t mean he immediately loves Hongjoong. He might be bisexual but he is still a man with morals and principles. Liking everyone doesn’t mean he wants everyone.
Well. He does want Hongjoong. But who doesn’t? That man is literally anyone's wet dream and prayers slash wishes that come true.
Maybe it is Wooyoung’s denial of an inevitable heartbreak and his enormous fear of rejection and getting apart from Hongjoong. Or maybe Wooyoung is right about whatever he chooses to believe right now.
“Hongjoong is straight.” Wooyoung cut the long silence between them.
Changbin takes another second of silence before he lets a loud snort, "Straight? Hongjoong? Kim Hongjoong?”
Wooyoung scowls at Changbin, it is clear that he is making fun of Wooyoung right now.
“Have you seen how that man dresses?”
Glimpse of many clothes Wooyoung likes on Hongjoong appearing one by one inside his head like a powerpoint slide. Hm. Hongjoong looks good. Great, actually. Phenomenal every time he steps out from his own room, except when he just goes to the kitchen to eat. Wooyoung still thinks he looks adorable with an oversized faded band t-shirt and messy hair.
For their early days as roommates, Wooyoung can’t help but wonder how big Hongjoong's suitcase or how cramped his room is because there is not a day where he repeated any of his outfit, ever (Later he learned that Hongjoong loves to thrift and repurposing his finds, also donating his old clothes) (Hongjoong once gives him a bag from jeans, Wooyoung used it for class everyday).
“He loves fashion! He is a fashion major, for fuck’s sake. That’s like his job or whatever,”
“Okay,” Changbin accepted. Or not, “How about the way he stands or walks?”
Wooyoung gasps, for the dramatic aspect of it he hugs the cheeseballs jar onto his chest closer. “You can’t just assume someone’s sexuality from the way they walk, Changbin-ah! That’s very disrespectful. You are stereotyping.”
Yeah, Wooyoung deserves the pen Changbin throws at his face. But it was fun to tease him, so Wooyoung just laughed at how Changbin jokingly threw a punch at him.
“Fuck you, I’m gay.”
“Congratulations, everyone knows.” another pen comes. Wooyoung throws it to Changbin’s toes, he smiles at Changbin’s short ouch.
“I’m serious though. Why can’t you like him? He is a good guy. Yongbok once said he helps the entire theatre fix the whole cast's costume the night before the shows. If he is not liking you back, I’m pretty sure he will turn you down gently, Wooyoung-ah,” Changbin’s voice drops into his serious voice, Wooyoung can’t look away from Changbin’s eyes. “Besides, you two are close, right?”
Wooyoung turns his eyes away, finding the cheeseballs on his laps interesting, counting each of them so the tug on his heart can finally bend to its normal position.
That’s the problem, isn’t it? They are close.
For years, Wooyoung and Hongjoong slowly turned into WooyoungAndHongjoong. The buy one get another one deal. The “where is your the other you?” when the other is not there with them. The you-invite-one-and-trust-me-both-of-them-will-be-there.
And trust him. Wooyoung knows. He knows nothing is wrong with liking Hongjoong. Hongjoong is a nice guy and he will turn down Wooyoung nicely if he doesn't like him back. But for many years, Wooyoung got his eyes on Hongjoong. He never brings anyone home. Wooyoung never sees any socks hanging on his doorknob. Wooyoung never see him going out on a date, or maybe he doesn't realize it since Hongjoong always looks like he wants and will impress people.
Wooyoung tries to flirt with Hongjoong once. Before they become roommates. Before he caught a feeling from the elder. Because flirting is way easier when you don’t hang your entire heart and head on their palm.
Yet, Hongjoong already grip his heart and head on a silver cage tightly after he helps drunk Wooyoung and removes his makeup oh so gently.
No one ever wipes Wooyoung’s makeup when he is drunk. Not even his previous girlfriends. Not even his five years old relationship with his first boyfriend.
Hongjoong is the first and the only person who ever cares enough to wipe his face clean before giving him Advil and a glass of water, fingers move tenderly around Wooyoung’s face because he knows Wooyoung’s face is sensitive.
And Wooyoung already accepts that he is a big fat loser who falls for Hongjoong because of what? Him treating Wooyoung like how friends do? With all cares and gentleness? Wooyoung is fucking pathetic.
He knows assuming Hongjoong’s sexuality is not a good thing. But if Changbin is right with all these gay assumptions, it doesn’t mean that there is a chance for Wooyoung to be an option for him. Hongjoong can choose other people. He needs to choose other people because Wooyoung is a mess and a loser.
“You’re not a mess, Wooyoung-ah. Or a loser,” Wooyoung startled at how close Changbin sounds.
Staring at Changbin who now sits beside him, Wooyoung nods and tries his best to smile. “I know, Changbin-ah.” Wooyoung knows Changbin knows that he lies, but both of them agreed to push it aside for now and settled for a hug instead.
Wooyoung comes home to Hongjoong cooking in the kitchen. Or trying to cook, based on how he smells a little burnt comes from there.
With a smile, Wooyoung leans at the kitchen walls, watching how Hongjoong pulls his hand away quickly with a hiss. “Need a hand?”
Hongjoong whipped his head around, his eyes wide. “No,” Then he screams when whatever he cooks in the pan explodes and splashes a tiny hot oil on his arm, “Please?”
And who is Wooyoung to deny a pretty eyes and a polite please.
He can’t help the laugh that comes out when he realises Hongjoong is trying to cook eggs.
“Don’t laugh. Not everyone can be a masterchef like you, Young-ah.”
“But everyone can cook eggs, no?”
Hongjoong’s cheek turns into a pretty shade of red. Such a shame Wooyoung needs to look away to flip the egg on the pan.
“You cook… four? eggs?” Wooyoung asked when he realised how full the pan was. It was nicely whipped, though he didn't know about the seasoning in it. But he nods when he sees a green inside the eggs. Hongjoong adds vegetables. What a grown adult he is right now.
“...yeah, I think it will be good to cook for you once. But I don’t really know how cooking works, so I thought. Well. More eggs means more heat, right? So it’s like… cooked evenly…?”
Wooyoung knows he looks dumb right now with how big the smile on his face is. Anyone who sees him right now probably knows he has a big ass crush at Hongjoong right now. He is pretty sure if he is some sort of animation, there will be a heart popping out from his eyes.
“Good logic, bad execution. You still need a lower heat to cook this, Hyung.” Wooyoung says, turning his head away to the eggs. “But I see you added some vegetables here.”
“So… good job.” he compliments, happy with how Hongjoong’s cheeks turn red again.
Both of them fall into their routine of dinner. Wooyoung finished the cooking while Hongjoong moved around to get the plates and set the table.
The eggs were seasoned perfectly.
“What’s the occasion?”
“Huh?”
“The cooking,” Wooyoung says, pointing his chopstick on the eggs between them. “Don’t get me wrong, I love to be off duty for dinner for once but… suddenly?”
Hongjoong’s chews slower, finally swallowing it down after a pretty long drag of silence.
“I just want to. You have been cooking for me for years, so I think why not cook for once? Besides, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, right?”
Wooyoung nods at Hongjoong’s words. It is true though. Wooyoung let himself drown in his feelings for once, allowing himself to think he is that special to have Kim Hongjoong cooking something for him. Kim Hongjoong never cooks. But he did, once, for Wooyoung. Ha. A win is a win.
Besides, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, right?
Right. Hongjoong is absolutely correct about it. There is no better way to get inside a man’s heart beside—
“The way to a man's heart?” Wooyoung shouted, losing control of his voice volume when Hongjoong’s words finally dawned on him.
“Uh… yeah?”
“You mean woman, right? Woman’s heart?”
“No,” Hongjoong tilted his head to the side, he stared at Wooyoung like he just asked if the sky was blue. “Man’s heart is correct. I like men. I’m gay, Wooyoung-ah.”
Okay yeah. Wooyoung sat straighter, leaning closer to Hongjoong to see him clearer. Maybe he can see the underlying joke with the way of Hongjoong holding back the corner of his lips tucked.
It was an automatic response of Wooyoung crashing the server and system of his head when he laughed hollowly at Hongjoong when he couldn't find anything there.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I’m gay.” Hongjoong’s voice falls between a statement and a question. Wooyoung can’t decide if it was because of his own buzzing head or his Hyung also can’t decide the tone to use in his own words.
“You’re gay,” Wooyoung echoed, his voice sounding sharper than he intended to. Hongjoong's eyes sharpened at him.
“I am. I’m gay since… forever, actually. You… don’t know? I’m pretty sure I never hide– Whatever. Wooyoung, I–”
“You’re gay,” Wooyoung repeated once again. It clearly snaps the last string of Hongjoong’s patience as he throws his hands in the air. “And you are not dating me?”
There is a thump on the table, from how hard Hongjoong palmed his own face to his hands, makes the chopstick on their bowls roll away. A loud oh my God from Hongjoong, adds more to Wooyoung’s confusion and frustration. Isn't he the one who should do all the grunts and hair pulling right now?
After a few seconds–and so many deep breaths from Hongjoong, Wooyoung can see his small body inflate and deflate a few times–Hongjoong finally meets Wooyoung’s eyes.
“I will ask you on a fucking date if you wait for a few minutes, Wooyoung-ah.” Hongjoong says, he closes his eyes and bites his bottom lips as he takes more deep breaths. “I should’ve known your impatience. Do you really don’t know I’m gay?”
Wooyoung shakes his head. Hongjoong’s eyebrows shoot like a rocket to his hair line. Wooyoung unconsciously sat further to his seat.
“I wear a skirt,” Hongjoong offers. It brings Wooyoung back to Changbin’s room. Except there is no jar of cheeseballs to shield him now. And he is not with Changbin.
“Many people use skirts! Not only queer people. You look good in it and also a fashion major. How am I supposed to know you’re gay?”
“I have many earrings. I walk around with a handkerchief on my clothes or head. I use a carabiner. I have a pride flag on my wall! A gay pride flag!” more offers of evidence getting thrown at Wooyoung like he is some sort of criminal who got intimidated by a detective in a dimly lit room.
Wooyoung shrugged, “I do all that too!”
“Yes! And you’re bisexual,” Hongjoong says, Wooyoung can see how hard his Hyung tries to keep himself calm through the conversation. Maybe he deserves more than two pens from Changbin. “Why does all that make you bisexual but not enough to make me gay?”
“I–I don’t know…” his voice got smaller. Wooyoung shoulder hunched, his eyes fell to the eggs between them again. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Part of Wooyoung knows why he acts like this. Fighting the truth so hard, about Hongjoong’s sexuality, to condition himself to push down all the feelings and hope on the elder to protect himself from the heartbreak.
Because Hongjoong is different. For Wooyoung, Hongjoong is different.
Hongjoong is not about having a date night at the karaoke. Singing a sappy love song at each other as they get drunk. Then ending the night with a laugh between kisses since both of them are too gone to place their lips on the right place.
Hongjoong is not about having a playlist dedicated to him. Filled with songs that remind Wooyoung of him, or filled with Hongjoong’s favorite songs so Wooyoung can listen to it when they are apart, to bring Hongjoong closer to him than he actually is.
Hongjoong is not having a hard time holding himself back from pulling him closer to kiss him because he looks so goddamn good in a skirt or a hat. It’s not about kissing Hongjoong’s whole face because Wooyoung knows he is ticklish so he will get soft giggles from the elder.
Hongjoong is about something that he can look up today, tomorrow, and whatever the time is. Hongjoong is about how Wooyoung wants–planned already, in his head–a walk-in closet or a room for Hongjoong to buy and repurposing more thrifted clothes. Hongjoong is about having all Wooyoung conversations filled with Hongjoong anywhere and anytime. So people know the only thing that filled Wooyoung’s head is Hongjoong.
Hongjoong is about waking up in the morning and turning off his alarm early, so Hongjoong can sleep a little bit more in Wooyoung’s arms. Because Wooyoung knows Hongjoong has trouble sleeping, and he loves to have more time staring lovingly at sleepy Hongjoong because he looks all soft and round, like a kitten.
Hongjoong is about a home, to go home, for himself to be a home. Be each other's anchor and rocks. Be each other’s warm hugs and shoulder to cry. Be each other’s emergency contact. Be each other’s person.
Wooyoung’s hunger for Hongjoong is different. It eats him whole. All the butterflies he holds inside his lungs and stomach have no more way to move, leaving Wooyoung to choke on its wings. He has been biting his tongue from throwing it all up because Wooyoung wants to keep Hongjoong close.
“Wooyoung? Young-ah?”
He snapped back. The butterflies have gone from his lungs, he takes a deep breath. Hongjoong looks worried. Wooyoung hates it.
“You can reject me, you know. You don’t have to say yes to me because we are friends.”
It was Wooyoung’s turn to tilt his head and sharpen his eyes at Hongjoong. “Saying no to what… exactly?”
Now everyone is confused at the table. Hongjoong takes a few minutes to take a look at Wooyoung, he blinks a few times before he laughs. Wooyoung doesn't really know what is funny here, but he is sure Hongjoong just laughs at him. Sadly, he doesn't have any cheeseballs to throw. Wooyoung is not even sure he understands what is happening right now.
“You really don’t know I’m gay,” Hongjoong says between his laughs. He sounds like he is just reciting and summarizing the whole conversation of Wooyoung’s turmoil. “Must be pretty ground breaker for you since you leave out the other information from the whole thing.”
Hongjoong decides to spare Wooyoung his mercy when he sees Wooyoung blinking and folding his face, trying to remember what he forgot.
“I will repeat what I said before,” Hongjoong offers, his lips tucked into a familiar teasing smile that makes Wooyoung’s inside turn mushy. “And you better listen to them very closely.”
Okay, yeah. Wooyoung can do that.
“Do you want the exact words or the rephrased version?”
“Ah, Hyung–”
Hongjoong breaks into another laugh at Wooyoung’s whine. There is a loud, consistent thump inside Wooyoung’s ears. He wished the thumping could be quieter so he could hear Hongjoong clearly.
“When I said I’m gay, you’re all frozen and shocked before you shouted at me. You’re gay and you are not dating me?” Wooyoung flinched at how Hongjoong's higher pitched voice, clearly mimicking whatever non-sense he sputtered before.
Oh, God. You’re gay and you are not dating me?
He sounds pathetic. In front of Hongjoong’s face. He will bury himself alive later.
“I’m sorry.” Wooyoung muttered under his heated cheeks.
“And I think you will have the patience to wait for the second time.” Great, yeah. Whatever. Wooyoung can look like a whole tomato right now under Hongjoong’s gaze. Whatever.
“Do you want to hear what I said after? Without cutting me off? And listen to the whole thing and let it sink in?” at Wooyoung’s perked eyes, Hongjoong smiles softly. Wooyoung doesn't miss the split second of Hongjoong biting inside his cheek though.
“I said, I will ask you out on a date if you wait for a few minutes, Wooyoung-ah.” Hongjoong says, it lands gently inside Wooyoung’s ears before the loud drums of thumps takes over.
“On a date?” Wooyoung making sure he is not hearing things.
“Yes, date. Me and you. I haven’t planned the whole thing but I got some ideas for us to do later.”
“You want to go on a date with me?” When Hongjoong takes a deep and long breath, Wooyoung is quick to add, “Wait. Wait! Don’t be mad at me, I’m sorry. I just– Is this real, Hyung?”
“Do you not want to...?”
“Uh, no. Actually I’m on the other end of the line. This is like something that I dreamt of…? Kinda? So I just need to make sure.”
Hongjoong’s eyes softened at him before he nodded. The smile lingers longer before Hongjoong takes another bite of his rice and eggs.
Wooyoung is taken aback when he realises how Hongjoong finally… deflates. Relaxed. He is not sitting up too straight and he looks like he is breathing right now.
Oh. OH. He is not the only one who feels all the things. Wooyoung is not the only one who feels all cramped with feelings and nervousness–of fears.
Hongjoong wants him too. Hongjoong likes him too.
Holy shit. Changbin is right? Half-right, since he never guessed that Hongjoong likes Wooyoung back.
“Hyung,” Wooyoung calls, and like how it always is, Hongjoong’s eyes find him across the room. “You like me, right?”
After two bites and a short time of thinking–or calculating a good word inside his head–Hongjoong swallowed before he answered. “I think I’m not on that level anymore, Young-ah. I have jumped too deep.”
Ah. Now Wooyoung wonders if there will be a similar thumping inside Hongjoong’s chest. If there are thousands of butterflies filling his lungs.
Wooyoung decides it's about time to let the butterflies all lose. He can stop biting his tongue down. “Me too, Hyung.” I love you too.
They find each other’s person through a shared plate of omelette paired with a warm bowl of rice. Wooyoung thinks he will never get enough of the similar gentle smiles and stealing glances at each other. Lucky for him, he got forever to bask in it.
Wooyoung
Fuck you
Binnie <3
???
What did I do wrong?
Wooyoung
You do nothing wrong
in fact, you said all the right thing
and it pisses me off.
Binnie <3
uhh which one is it about?
Wooyoung
You traumatize me with two pens and don’t even remember
I’m going to buy you a jar of cheeseball tho
Binnie <3
I TOLD YOU HE'S GAY
AND I DON’T WANT THE CHEESEBALL, BUY ME SOME EXPENSIVE THINGS
Wooyoung
Well, I am sorry for being a RESPECTFUL citizen
Binnie <3
Respectfully, Wooyoung-ah
You’re dumb.
I want this, thanks
[Binnie <3 send a link]