Archive of Our Own

Ok...

Where do we even start.

Seungkwan was- how should he put it- out of his league? Not just in a romantic kind of way, like out of his league in general. Seungkwan was the center of attention anywhere they went, funny, charming, smart when needed, adaptive and so- UGH! kind, it did unspeakable things to him.

And then there was Hansol. Who was also in a way out of his league. Fuck. The way he laughed, talked, walked, everything was so mesmerizing in its own way. And god the thing he could do to get one, only one -at least one of Hansol's song to be made for him.

Chan wanted to cry. As if he was not stupid enough to have crushes over his bandmates, his Hyungs, those said crushes were already in relationship. With each other at that.

And for our lovely Chan, that was the worst-case scenario here.

And no, he was not planning to get between them or anything nor whisk one away from another, no. They looked so cute together, if he could, he would have whisked both of them away but that's not possible so let’s not built our castle in the clouds. Being grounded in reality was also a skill. A skill which Chan lacked in many ways. 

And the cause- there were two actually. One name starts with S and another with H.

Because apparently sometimes they forgot that they were dating each other. Like for example:

Chan was sitting in a corner of the practice room, scrolling down his phone, zooming through his socials in what little time he got off. His Huyngs were also minding their own business, conversation bloomed, a laugh from here, a soft yell from there. It was peaceful. But suddenly it was not. Because someone slumped down beside him with a groan. He grimed as he saw that someone was Seungkwan.

“Hey!” Seungkwan pouted as he pulled Chan in a head lock. “Why are you looking at me like that.” See, it was so peaceful just a second ago. “Let me go, Hyung.” Chan snapped back as he usually did, trying to push Seungkwan away from him. “What? Why? How could you refuse my love, you ungrateful brat.” Chan stiffened at the word ‘love’, but he quickly played it off before Seungkwan could notice.

“I don't need your useless love.” At this point Chan was using both hands and legs to get out of Seungkwan’s hold, but the older wouldn’t even budge. What the fuck?! When did Seungkwan get so strong? Is he hitting the gym in secret or something. The arm around his neck was getting tighter the more he moved. Let’s not say he was panicking... but he was low-key panicking.

“Hyung-” but before he could protest again, a firm hand landed on his moving legs, more specifically, on his thighs and squeezed its muscles. The arm around Chan’s neck slowly moved to his waist and Seungkwan pulled him closer, his back colliding with his Hyung’s chest.

“Channie. Behave.” The hand over his waist pushed only a bit harder and in an instant, Chan was gone. Static white noise filled his brain as Seungkwan's presence washed over him like a downpour, cold and hot at the same time. Chan let out a small whine as he went pliant under Seungkwan’s hold. This! This! This was exactly what he was talking about. 

Seungkwan would hold him like this, possessive and commanding,  whenever Chan tried to go against him in any way. This was not fair. Do you know how many arguments Chan lost because Seungkwan had this advantage over him? Too many, ok. But Chan didn’t voice it out, more like he couldn’t. His traitor heart beating like it would break his ribcage was another major cause.  

“Good boy.” And then the older would wash it over with a praise like that and his already gone mind would start doing summersault.

Another whine escaped Chan’s lips as he shuddered from head to toe. His vison was starting to get blurry, his limbs slumped as if made up of jelly. The only thing grounding him to his senses were those hands that were tightly wrapped around his waist and thighs. So tight he feared they would pull out a chunk of it.

And what’s worse was that he needed more. Just a little more. Chan opened his mouth but he couldn’t spell out ‘more.’ Because fuck, he was in a practice room where anyone could see them and fuck, it would be so embarrassing.

Instead, he said, “fuck you, Hyung.” Weakly, Chan cried and tried to push Seungkwan away from him again. This time the other moved away from him without any complaints. Once the other’s presence was away from him, Chan took a deep breath to clear his hazy mind. “Don’t mess with me.” Chan grumbled angrily and stood up, stomping his way out of there, away from Seungkwan.

So, you might think that, ok Seungkwan was the one who teased him all the time, so why were both their names mentioned in the cause? Cause somehow Hansol was always the worst. Chan could brush Seungkwan away, because he was teasing him all the time but when it came to Hansol, our sweet, lovely Hansol, Chan couldn’t just brush it away. Again, for example:

They had just finished their concerts for the week. It was late at night probably around 11 and they were all heading back to their hotel room. Tomorrow was their day off and Chan was planning to sleep like a dead fish all day long. He got into his van with his Manager Hyung and after some time, Hansol joined him in the backseat. He smiled at him, so Chan smiled back.

“Good work there, Channie. You did amazing today.” Hansol doesn’t compliment others that much and when he does, it feels like an accomplishment. But this term only applies to other members. For Chan, it's a common statement that he finds himself basking every other day. The smiles grew. “Thank you Hyung. You were also great today.” And the gleam in Hansol eyes shifted.

Chan hissed inwardly. He didn’t have the courage nor the right mental state to deal with this right now. Chan’s heart made the first beat as Hansol shifted closer to him. A second when he raised his hands and patted Chan’s head. And frantically after that as Hansol rested his chin on his shoulder, looking at him.

“I'm so proud of you.” It sounded like a simple complement, but the way Hansol said it, his tone, it felt like much more. Chan’s head went slump and he looked away but his body fully leaned over Hansol’s. A simple praise and his brain had stopped functioning. Great going Chan, great going.

The car buzzed as the white static noise filled his senses again and his heartbeat was the only thing he could hear right. He had let out a soft whimper, he didn’t know but he had but-. Another hand came up to his chin and tugged it so now, he was directly looking at Hansol.

This whimper, he could hear it too.

“Come on, Chan. What do you say when somebody praises you.” See! Subtle and roundabout but anyways a pain in the ass for Chan. Even more in this situation when his brain was not functioning properly. When his mind was only chanting Hansol's name and some stupid heart filter was plastered over his eyes. “Chan, I asked you something, Didn’t I?” He did? When?

Chan didn't remember anything as his focus had only been Hansol's lips. But still, he wretched his stupefied brain for what the question was and after some time mumbled a soft, “thank you Hyung”, and hoped those were the answers.

Hansol smiled at him, Chan couldn’t see properly because of his hazy eyes but he knew. “Chan -ah~” Chan gulped as the hand on his chin slowly made its way down. But before he could do anything further, their Manager Hyung knocked on their window, indicating that they had arrived. Never in his life had Chan ever ran so fast.

And these instances kept on happening. Honestly, he just assumed that they were playing around in the first few ones. But as time went by, they grew bolder and bolder and it was doing unspeakable things to Chan. The love he had buried deep inside his heart for him to die along was threatening to come out. It was scary.

Hence, enough was enough. Chan decided to voice it out for them because all of this was really too much for him. Not one but two? That was really bad for his heart, okay? But what he didn’t expect was-

“You want us to stop? What?”

Hansol tilted his head innocently as if he wasn’t the one making his life hell these past few months. “Hyung!” Chan rolled his eyes as he sat down beside Hansol. The Noona that was touching up his makeup gave him a subtle glare but Chan had a pressing matter on his hands. And it was now or never.

“The touches, the praises. Stop with those. You and Seungkwan Hyung too.” He didn’t mean to sound so rude nor make such a big commotion out of it but once he began to let out his frustrations, it was like a broken dam. 

“You two are a thing for god’s sake. Do you even know how it makes me feel. Are you two tired of each other. Even if you are then don’t rope me in this shit.” Chan was no longer calmly whisper-yelling. At this point his voice had risen, not loud but prominent. Enough for Seungkwan to hear his names in the lines and come into that room to see what was happening.

“What you guys talking abou-” “You!” Seungkwan was not expecting to be interrupted this harshly as soon as he entered. He stood by the door, astonished as he examined the room to find an equally astonished Hansol and a fuming Chan. “Do you get some sort of sick pleasure doing all that thing me?” The line had the silent Vernon spring up in anger. He stood between them, shielding Seungkwan from Chan in no second.

“Chan, now that is too much!! Don’t start making your own assumptions.” Chan stood up too, eye to eye, glaring hard at both his Huyngs. “Then what am I supposed to make of the things you are doing to me. Do you think I’m some kind of toy you can play with when you’re bored.” Then silence. Even the Noonas who were making themselves busy trying not to focus on the ongoing conflict stopped.

“Did- did we make you uncomfortable Chan.” Seungkwan asked worried. Had they pushed past his boundaries? Did they take more than what was given. Seungkwan’s hands found itself clinging to Hansol’s sleeves for his dear sanity. Cause the answer would change everything.

And no, all the teasing and touches didn’t make Chan uncomfortable. Rather, it was what he needed keep him on his high. And that feeling was the one what was making him uncomfortable. Seungkwan and Vernon were dating each other, for god’s sake.

So, they had to stop. For his sake and for theirs. And if the only way to make them stop was to lie then so be it. “Yes, it does. It makes my skin crawl and the air gets too heavy to breathe, so please stop your antics. Leave me out of whatever you two are going through.”

And Chan stormed out of the room.

Later the three of them got scolded by Seungcheol for their rude behaviors to the staffs and yelling at the top of their lungs when they were supposed to get ready for the stage. Then Seungkwan and Vernon got scolded separately for something Chan didn’t care about. More like he didn’t want to care about.

After that, it has never really been the same for the three of them.

Ok so, maybe Chan lashed out at them for nothing. Because it felt like something significant had changed between them. Yes, Chan did tell them to give him space but not to outright avoid him. Even when he tried to call out to them, just a simple yes/no conversation and then nothing. It hurt. Chan was in near tear every time he talked to them. Well, tried to talk to them because now they would not even listen to him.

Today also, he tried to talk with Seungkwan regarding his part in the song. He wanted the vocalist to give him some guide to sing his part but Seungkwan just muttered out Seokmin’s name and disappeared from his side in a second. Or when they were retiring for the day and Hansol just brushed passed him, didn’t even acknowledge him.

So again, maybe it was this what caused it, or maybe it was the stress from the world tour or maybe the pressure of the new album or maybe- No, no it was definitely because Seungkwan and Hansol were now actively avoiding him. And yes, it was his fault. Should he apologize? He should. But could he? He must. He must before it was too late to mend their relation.

So, gathering all his in-stock courage, exactly after three weeks of their huge fight, now Chan stood in front of Seungkwan’s room, nervous and scared. It was their day off today so, Seungkwan must be in his room. And if Seungkwan was there, Hansol would also be there by default. Again, it was now or never. Chan knocked on the door.

The door clicked open only after a minute or so. “Mingyu Hyung, I told you we can’t come-” It was Hansol and he stopped mid-sentence when he saw the person outside was not Mingyu. “Chan. Do you need anything?” Oh- that hurt.

Chan could hear a crack forming in his heart right then and there. He opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out. Hansol raised his brow and Chan began to stumble on his words that he revised for this.

“I- umm... is Seungkwan Hyung also in there?” What a way to start this Chan, great job you idiot. Chan bit the insides of his cheeks as he held himself so he wouldn’t run away. “Umm no-” “Hansol what is happening? Who is it?” Another crack, a little deeper.

Hansol tsked as he rolled his eye the second Seungkwan’s voice came from behind. “He is. Do you need something from him?” Hansol crossed his hands and leaned on the door frame, blocking Chan’s view of the insides of the room. 

Oh, it was already too late to mend.

Chan clenched his hands as he forced himself to look up at Hansol and just speak but he couldn’t. He opened and closed his mouth for few seconds like a gaping fish but nothing came out. His hands started to shake and his whole body was convoluting with fear and grief. Hansol was slowly starting to look more impatient as he stared down at Chan with- contempt? Disgust? ... hatred? Chan wanted to laugh at himself.

What rights did he have anyway. He was the one who told them to stay away from him and now here he was seeking forgiveness like a fool. With a big breath, he took a step back. He can’t, he deserved this treatment.

If he apologizes now, he will sound like a hypocrite. He didn’t want the two to hate him more than this. Chan shook his head and looked down, his foot slowly retreating. “It’s fine. You two seem busy.” With that, he swiftly turned around and walked away.

His legs felt like lead as he dragged himself back to his room. His body was fighting with him, telling him to go back to his Hyungs but he scolded himself saying that he brought this upon himself. That he should have just kept his lips shut and let them do whatever they were doing. But instead, he had to listen to his stupid brain and speak up. He shouldn’t have.

Chan hugged himself as he finally stepped inside his safe space, his room. As the door behind his shut close, he slid down on the floor, his arms tight around himself, consoling. He rocked back and forth as he mumbled incoherent words into his arms. The tears soon followed, sobs echoed and his breath began to get heavy, difficult. Oh no. OH NO.

He was having an anxiety attack.

As the realization hit, he wanted to cry even more. “Why me?” He hicced as his cries came out frenzy, uncontrollable. Tears and snot ran down his face as he held his throbbing head. He was telling himself that it’ll pass but his mind kept on repeating Hansol’s disappointed face from a few minutes ago. And that was not helping at all. It’ll pass. While arguing with himself, Chan slowly lost consciousness and he fainted right there at the door.

The next day, as he opened his eyes, he found himself on his bed. Confused, he tried to sit up but he was pushed down before he could even lift his head up a little. “Rest, Chan –ah. You just experienced an anxiety attack. It must have been exhausting.” And Jeonghan’s smiling face suddenly came into view. “Don’t try to move. You’re still not out of it. It can hit again anytime.” Jeonghan said as he softly combed his fingers through Chan’s hair. 

They stayed like that for a few minutes, Chan staring at the ceiling and Jeonghan patting his head. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Chan shook his head but he was opening his mouth and spilling everything the very next second. 

“I messed up Hyung. I messed up so badly. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have done that.” He said as he covered his face, tears were making an appearance again. The patting stopped. “You did nothing wrong, baby. You had to get that out of you, there is nothing wrong with voicing out yourself.” 

But Chan only sobbed harder, battling every breath. “But I was wrong.” He sounded so angry with himself. “If I had just shut up, it wouldn’t have ended up like this. They would not ignore me and I wouldn't be here crying. I-”

The tears flooded his mouth, salty as he stuttered out his next words. “I- Sou-sound like a fuck-fucking pathetic bi-bitch, crying for their at-attention when I don’t even de-deserve it.” Jeonghan shook his head as he tried to wipe those loose tears as much as he could. “Oh my Agi, that’s not true at all. You deserve every ounce of attention from us.” Suddenly, Jeonghan’s hands were tight around his face and his head was tilted to the side.

“Especially from these two.”

There on the floor, Seungkwan and Hansol were kneeling, with their heads down and hands behind their backs. “Hyung!!” Chan shrieked as he jumped up into a seating position but Jeonghan pushed him back down again. “Now this, they deserve it.” Jeonghan smiled as he went back to combing his fingers through Chan’s hair. 

“I didn’t want to step in. I was hoping that you three will sort it out between yourself but these two were being so stupid that I had no other choice.” Saying that Jeonghan stood up with a last pat on Chan’s cheeks. 

He walked past the two kneeling on the floor but Chan’s eyes could no longer follow him because he was suddenly engulfed in a hug. “Chan –ah~” It was Seungkwan. And as his Hyung’s weight on him was registered by his brain, a fresh wave of tears started flowing out. “Chan –ah, we’re so sorry-” “Hyung...” Chan sobbed high. 

“Hyung, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that- I don’t know why I said that-” Chan began to cry, Seungkwan’s arms were tight around him but his own hands were limp on his sides. He didn’t deserve to touch, didn’t have the rights- 

“I don’t know what came over me. I'm sorry that I shouted at you. I’m sorry I said those mean things. I’m sorry I lashed out because I couldn’t control my emotions. I’m sorr-” His words started to jumble up in the heat, coming out as a blabbing mess as he apologized for every little thing he did. 

“-I’m sorry, so please, please don’t hate me.” It came out small. “It’s fine if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore but please don’t ignore me. I know I don’t deserve it but please-” “Don't you dare, Lee Chan.” And his face that he had neatly hid in the crook of Seungkwan’s shoulder was yanked out. Two strong hands held his face. It was Hansol.  

Hansol still held the same cruel expression he had the day before as he stared down at Chan. But now with their faces so close, Chan could see something else shimmering beneath that cruelness. Tears.

“Don’t you dare shake yourself off like that.” He whispered near Chan’s lips and between them Seungkwan nodded like a madman. “It’s our fault. Our Channie did nothing wrong.” Seungkwan mumbled as he began rubbing his head on Chan’s shoulder. 

“You were right for lashing out at us, scolding us. If you had not, we would have forever indulged in that delusion that you would let us do anything. We are sorry, Hyungs are sorry for playing with you like that.” The rubbings slowly turned into gentle kisses on his shoulder. “Jeonghan Hyung was right, we are idiots. Instead of voicing out our feeling we left it for you to find out.” Hansol said as he kissed Chan’s forehead.  

Chan had grown silent as the two held him and apologized. Hearing them, the sadness subsided as another emotion came bubbling out in full force. Anger? He couldn’t figure out who it was directed towards though. Towards his Hyungs who left him in total darkness of their feelings or him who couldn’t see all those hints. Chan just decided to blame them in the end.  

Angrily, Chan pushed them away with how much strength he had left in his weak arms. And surprisingly, the two unwrapped him obediently. But the anger went away as fast as it came when he saw his Hyungs. A look at their faces and all the reasons for his anger vanished. 

Seungkwan was crying, his eyes puffy as streams of tears ran down his face. Hansol was holding himself back but the pools of tears around his eyes gave him away. Chan looked away from them and wiped his own tears. That made him question, why was he angry in the first place. He just wanted his Hyungs back. “Let's-” He sniffed. 

“Let's just go back to how we used to be-” 

He bit his lips as he forced out the next words. “It’s fine if you tease me, you can do whenever you want with me and I’ll never defy it. We can forget that all this ever happened. Let’s go back-” A hand slid to hold his face, cutting off his words. “I’m afraid. It can never go back to how it was Chan.” 

His head was coaxed to look back at them. Two pairs of eyes met one and they looked at him with such affection, for a second Chan thought he was hallucinating. But the words those mouths sprouted were enough to break him out of it. 

“Why..” He whined, his breathing coming out labored. And Chan thought he was done with tears, that he had nothing more left but as those words hit him, he couldn’t stop the river. “Do you hate me that much now?” 

He wailed as his flailing hands went to grab Seungkwan’s collar. “I said I was sorry. You two can’t act like I was the only one at fault.” See, the anger was back. The self-loathing had depleted, all the hatred that he had for himself had been used and now he was defensive. 

“Why can’t we go back to how we used to be?!” He took a big breath and tried to smile. “Na- Hyung, please, I-I can’t- I don’t think I can- please, let’s just-” He heard a big sigh and that paused his rambling. Suddenly his head was tilted a little to the side and something soft was pressed on his lips.

Just a small press, a peck but it was enough to empty Chan’s vocabulary. “How can we go back Chan.” Hansol’s voice came clear in his ear, his hands that held Chan’s face slid down to warp around his neck. “Now that we know what we did hurt your feelings, how do you expect us to go back.” Saying that he pressed a soft kiss on Chan’s ear too.

“Now that we know how you feel about us, how can we-” “We love you Chan.” Seungkwan quickly cut the sentence short as he jumped to latch on Chan’s other side. “I love you, Hansol does too.” Seungkwan sobbed as he pressed millions of kisses all over Chan’s face. 

“We teased you because we never thought you would ever reciprocate our feelings. It was mean, I know but we wanted to have something over you. Our ego took over.” Saying that, Seungkwan rested his head on Chan’s shoulder. 

The line was processed and Chan groaned high and wild as he fell back on the bed and the two latched leeches fell along with him. “How could you...” he mumbled as his hands came up to cover his eyes. So much had happened within this small-time frame and it was making his mind have a wrestling match with his heart.

His heart was over the moon but his mind was still skeptical. “That doesn't even make sense. Teasing me like that just because you loved me, what if I didn’t love you back. I could have filed a case for assault.”

Seungkwan chuckled, low and amused as he snuggled more into Chan, having the time of his life. “You love us?” Chan grumbled into his palms. “That's the only thing you heard!?” He blushed bright red as he tried to push them away from him but this time, they didn’t budge. Instead, Hansol grabbed his hands and pressed it right over his heart. “Baby, do you feel it."

And how could he not, Hansol’s heart was beating so fast, Chan feared it might just leap out. Chan bit his lips as he clutched the fabric of Hansol’s shirt over his chest. “Say it again. Loud and clear. Proper, so I can hopefully say that all this was not a dream.” Hansol sounded so desperate, his voice laced with uncertainty and so much sadness that Chan couldn’t block that sentence out. 

“I love you, Solie Hyung, Kwannie too. I love you two so much that it’s hard to express it out loud.” 

And he paused right there, not wanting to vomit every little thing he loved about his Hyungs then and there. Seungkwan let out a soft groan as he suddenly trapped Chan between his arms. “Say that again.” Chan gulped.

“I love you.”

Another groan, this time from Hansol who was still breathing heavily near his ear. “Again.” Chan blushed bright red as he closed his eyes, the sentence now coming out a lot smaller.

“I love you.”

“Again-” 

“That’s it. Get out. Out. Both of you. I don’t wanna see you right now.” Burning red with embarrassment, Chan flailed his arms trying to push them away from him. Hansol whined as he wrapped himself tighter around Chan and Seungkwan just laughed. “Unfortunate for you baby, Jeonghan Hyung locked us from outside.” Chan groaned but didn’t say anything in return and finally let himself think under his thundering heartbeat.

Taking a deep breath, Chan tried to trace back everything that had happened until now. It felt surreal if he was being honest. His eyes zoned out on the ceiling above him as his mind played a recap of the moments prior. 

And the recap, instead of being helpful, left him with too many unanswered questions. But he wasn’t so sure if he wanted to confront his Hyungs about it. Chan gulped. He wanted answers, sure but he needed the warmth of his Hyungs more than those stupid answers, hence Chan’s heart won for the first time in a while. 

Chan let his needy heart speak. “Hyung~” All those years of pent-up frustration, self-loathing, unrequired love he had bottled up in his heart tried to break through his voice with that one single syllable. And Seungkwan and Hansol would be fools to not notice the desperation in Chan’s voice.

“I’m sorry.” Ever the dramatic one, Seungkwan’s apology came with a kiss on Chan’s cheek. Chan closed his eyes, reeling in that feeling. “I’m sorry for letting our Chan –ah go through all this alone.” Seungkwan hummed the sentence which came out muffled, the vibration spreading through Chan’s cheeks. 

“Hyungs’ here now. Hyungs will take care of everything.” Hansol whispered near his other ear with a deep affirmative sigh and Chan couldn’t help the small shiver that ran through his body. “Chan –ah.” Chan opened his eyes and was greeted by the sight of Hansol slightly hovering above him. He had a frown hanging by his brows as his eyes raked up and down Chan’s face for any kind of added emotions. 

“You here with us?” Chan gulped. Fuck! Just as things were about to go good. Because was he? Obviously, he was not. Now that he had shut down the voices in his mind, his head was blank and fluffy with only two names plastered above his retina in bold letters. But he knew why Hansol was asking that. They needed that conformation to take this any further and Chan was in no state to give consent. 

But who cared, Chan most certainly didn’t. So, he decided to do the best and the only thing his clouded mind could conjure up. Chan gulped and nodded his head, clearly lying. Seungkwan chuckled patting his wet cheeks. “Baby, why are you lying?” Shit, he was caught red-handed but still he pressed through. The whine that followed next was embarrassing to say the least. “Please, please don’t stop. Hyungs can do anything- anything, just don’t stop.”

Hansol smiled. “But baby, you’re not in your right mind, how can we proceed.” Seungkwan hummed along and with a soft kiss on Chan’s cheeks, just shy of his lips, both were pulling away from him. Chan felt like crying. 

“NO!” That came out way louder. “I- I'm in my right mind. I know what we are doing.” His hands flew out to reach anything but nothing came in his grasp and that left him even more scared. “Hyung, please.” But it was as if they hadn’t heard him.

“We should probably call Jeonghan Hyung and tell him that everything is fine now. Chan needs proper care-” “Hyung!” Chan cried out, loud and clear but was ignored again. What fine, he was not fine, what the fuck are they talking about. 

“Please.” Tears tickled at the corner of his eyes, not believing what his stupid Hyungs were talking about when he had just laid himself bare a couple minutes ago. This all felt like a big prank. “Please.” He tried again, hoping, praying that his Hyungs would get it- would get what he wants right now.

Then suddenly Hansol gave him a small smile. It felt reassuring but the fact that it didn’t reach his eyes made it look sadistic. “Then you need to make it clear what you want, Chan.” He slid one inch closer. “You need to voice it out for your stupid, idiot Hyungs, can you do that?” 

Chan gulped as he blinked at Hansol, confused at the sudden change in his tone. But he must have been silent for too long because a soft pat came on his cheeks to pull him back into the situation. 

“See, you’re not thinking straight, baby. It’s best to call-” “I love you.” Well he can start with that again. Chan mumbled but still clear as he grabbed Seungkwan’s wrist and shoved his face onto his palms. Then he glanced at Hansol and repeated his words. “I love you. I-.” 

He paused as he physically weaved in the next few words. “I want you to hold me, ki- kiss me, adore me.” At the end of the sentence, he broke his eye contact and glanced down at the sheets, his fingers clutching them. But Seungkwan was not having it as he tugged Chan’s face so that he could look at them in the eyes when talking. 

“And?” Seungkwan urged him to continue. Chan gulped, not finding the right words to describe his needs. “I want-” “Want?” Seungkwan questioned him again and Chan quickly changed the words. “I need you to claim me, praise me, touch me, show-” He sucked a deep breath-  

“Show me who I belong to.”  

And just as the words dropped, so did the worried look of his Hyungs. Suddenly they were all smiles from ear to ear, scarily so. And it took him a few more seconds to realize that he had stepped right into their trap. 

He scowled as he slid away from them. How dare they. “Fuck you-” And all the words that were supposed to follow the ‘Fuck you’ was swallowed by Seungkwan. Chan wanted to be angry but the hot mouth that pressed his was distracting enough for him to forget why he was angry. Because finally, fucking finally. 

Seungkwan made a pleased noise at the back of his throat as he grabbed Chan’s face with both his hands, his tongue trying to push past the plump lips. Chan groaned and opened his mouth with a gasp but Seungkwan was breaking the kiss as soon as he did. Chan whined as he quickly grabbed Seungkwan’s collar to pull him in but Seungkwan didn’t move. “Baby, you take what’s given. Is that clear?” 

Chan wanted to whine again and tell him that it was not fair and that he had waited long enough but his love sick mind was already too high above the cloud to deny, so he could only nod. “I thought I made it clear that you need to voice it out Chan –ah.” A sudden voice near his ear startled him and only then did he registered that Hansol had moved behind them.

A pair of hands landed on his waist, covering almost the entirety of his stomach and he was pulled back. He softly collided with Hansol’s chest and that alone pulled a moan out of his throat. “Yes, Hyung.” Hansol hummed, pleased. “Then go on, answer Seungkwan’s question.”

Chan’s eyes focused back onto Seungkwan and the sight that greeted him- If Hansol wasn’t holding onto him like a piece of meat, he would have bolted. Seungkwan’s eyes were now slanted low, his jet-black hair was covering most of it but still, it couldn't cover the raw and unfiltered hunger those eyes held nor the small thread of self-control which was barely holding him back. 

“I will only take what Hyungs will give me.” Chan answered hopefully and that earned him a smile. The hunger vanished for a second as Seungkwan placed a small peck on his cheek. "Good." Another peck. "So baby, how do you want it. It’s going to be your first time and we don’t want to put any pressure on you. Do you want Hansolie or me-” “Both.” Chan didn’t even think as he was answering that.

Hansol chuckled as his hands moved down from Chan's waist to his lower belli. “Hmm... can you even fit one inside? Where are we going to push the other one?" Oh- Chan's eyes widen- like that. Blood rushed through his body as his cheeks grew hot in embarrassment. He coughed looking away from them. "Not- not like that. I mean I need both of you here with me. Not- in... me."

The last two words came out small and it cause his Hyungs to laugh. "Oh baby, I was really scared for a second. Though our baby was a size queen." The tone suggested he not scared at all. Chan rolled his eyes as he gave up on his body weight and fully leaned back at Hansol. All while his arms wrapped around Seungkwan’s neck and pulled him in. “Please stop talking.” And he kissed Seungkwan. 

Seungkwan hummed in the kiss, clearly please as he let his hand wander all over Chan. Then suddenly he pinched the sensitive buds on his chest and that caused Chan to break the kiss with a gasp. Chan wanted to complain but before he could speak, Hansol was already pushing their lips together.

“Fuck, that’s so hot.” Seungkwan moaned as he continued pinching and rolling Chan's nipples. "Chan –ah we are going to start, do you have any specific safe word in mind?" But Chan just shook his head breaking the kiss, too hazy to properly think of anything. Seungkwan frowned. "But that won’t do baby. We need a safe word." Oh, Chan wanted to curse so badly.

'Why can’t they just start!? Do they need to check every box in the list. He already consented, what more do they need.' 

A second passed by and two, the aftermath of the voices that were supposed to be spoken inside his head being said out loud was... loud. 

The fingers that were lazily caressing his nipples stopped. The hands that were softly squeezing his hips stopped. And suddenly Hansol started laughing behind him. The vibration of his laugh rocked Chan’s body and that made the moment even more embarrassing. So much so Chan started praying for the earth to open up and swallow him whole.  

“Oh! We have an impatient one between us. Kwan –ah what should we do." Chan pouted as he tried to elbow Hansol but Hansol quickly grabbed his arms, rendering the attempt useless. "But do we need to though?" Chan was still on that as he looked at Seungkwan with big puppy eyes.

"Yes we do but you don’t need to think about those for now, Chan –ah." The fingers went up to sweep his hair back. "You don’t need to think about anything. Keep your mind where it was, hmm?" Chan blinked and slowly his mind began to drift back into the hazy world. His brows dropped, his lids heavy as he stared at Seungkwan through his lashes.

"Solie, think of a safe word, our Agi is too brain-dumb to think of one." The laugh that was slowly calming down accelerated and Chan couldn’t help but pout. "Hyung that’s mean!" Seungkwan quickly pecked his lips and Hansol muttered out their safe word.

"Let's just use the traffic light system for today. We can come up with a personal one later." The hands over Chan’s hips slowly moved down to line his waistband. "What do you say, Darling. You do know the lights, right?"

This time, Chan nodded confidently then quickly corrected himself by answering with a soft, "Yes Hyung, Chan knows." Because at this point, he had realized, the best he matched up their whims the faster he will get what he wants. And what he wanted right now was for his Hyungs to hurry the fuck up-

Seungkwan must have noticed the change in Chan's tone because he gave a younger a slight smirk. Then he stared at Hansol for few seconds and suddenly Chan felt a light tap on his hips and Hansol was pushing him away from him.

"Then lets start. What's the color, Agi?" Fucking, lets go! "Green." It came out rather enthusiastically than intended but Chan didn't care. Hansol chuckled. "Then why don't you get off the bed and stand in front of us, hmm?" And Chan was off the bed in seconds. He quickly crawled out from between them and stood at the side of the bed, head down with hands behind his back.

"Strip."

Chan felt like he could finally breath again. One simple word had every little cell of his body jumping in excitement as his hazy world became messier. It was really happening. His hands moved automatically, pulling the t-shirt off his body.

The sweats went off next and at last his underwear. After taking everything off, he neatly folded them and placed them at the table beside the nightstand. With a big sigh, he stepped back to how he was standing before.

"Good boy."

Chan didn't know from who it came from but the answer his body gave was for both of them. His body gave a clear shudder and his knees went week. He nearly knelt but he held himself the last moment so he just wobbled front a bit.

He heard Seungkwan chuckle and it was followed by Hansol softly saying, "Chan- ah, don't fight it, let it happen." Then he heard shuffling and a pair of feet came into his vision. And just as Hansol said, he let it happen. He let it go. Chan's knees met the carpeted floor with a soft thud. It didn't hurt much because of that carpet and even if it did, Chan couldn't process it because all his neurons were busy being a good boy for his Hyungs.

"Look up."

Chan's moved his head up so swift, Hansol could hear his bones popping. And it caused an endearing smile from his lips as his hands came down to hold Chan's face. Hansol leaned down along with pulling Chan's head up and they met in the middle in a passionate clash of lips and tongue.

The hands that held his face maneuvered it into different position his Hyung deemed fit as he was devoured quite literally. His own hands flew to grab Hansol's wrists, not to pull them away but rather to stabilize himself.

"Fuck-" He head a loud groan from behind Hansol. "Solie, can I record this." Another groan. "You two look so good like this. Please, please let me record this." At that, Hansol broke the kiss with a laugh. "You know that's a very bad idea, Kwan -ah." And the tight grip around his face was gone. Hansol stood straight and began to walk back towards the bed.

All while Chan was now on his hands as well, panting and heaving breathes like he was minutes away from suffocating. He took one last shaky breath and looked up. And he met Seungkwan's eyes. Seungkwan smiled, his eyes all cheeky and proud.

"Come here."

Chan gulped then sighed. On his hands and knees, he began to crawl towards the bed which wasn't really that far but somehow it felt far enough. Reaching the bed, he placing his hands on the mattress and hoisted himself up, right between them.

Seungkwan received him with a open arm and Chan naturally sild into his Hyung's embrace. All while Hansol slid down from the bed and went towards the door. Chan's eyes followed him but it was suddenly blocked by a palm.

"Baby, focus here." Seungkwan said it right above his ear, his hot breath giving Chan a full body shiver. Chan hummed as Seungkwan began kissing down his ear towards his neck. "Chan, take my clothes off for me." And Chan's eager hands moved before his mind. His fingers worked on the buttons as fast as they could but his fingers were shaking so it wasn't that effective.

The kisses on his neck soon turned into nibbles and when teeth started getting involved Chan was not even half way at getting his Hyung naked. And the bites were not helping at all nor were the hands groping his waist nor the knee between his legs. But still he tried to do what he was told to.

With great struggle, he pushed Seungkwan's shirt off his shoulder but suddenly a sharp pain flooded the area where in neck met his shoulder. And he could no longer keep his voices at bay. "Ahh -ah no~ Hyung... hurts." Which it didn't by the way but Chan was extra sensitive in his neck area and all this attention there was making him jumpy. And with a great task in his hands, he rather not feel jumpy.

But Seungkwan acted as if he couldn't hear him as the bites only pushed deeper, more enthusiastic, more greedy. And Chan couldn't do anything except claw at Seungkwan's clothes, trying to get them off as soon as possible.

Suddenly another pair of hands slid around his waist and they pulled him back. His back collided with Hansol's naked chest while Seungkwan's mouth left his neck with a loud pop. Chan shivered, somewhat scared. Was Seungkwan really some kind of leech? Chan's eyes fell on Seungkwan's face and the other gave him a crazed smile while licking his teeth. Chan quickly averted his eyes because why the fuck did he find that so hot.

Fuck Chan was so cute like that. Seungkwan couldn't help the mantra brewing inside his head. He scanned Chan up and down and his focus paused at where Hansol had wrapped his hands around Chan. Seungkwan raised his fingers to trace the little gap that was left between Hansol’s hand. 

Hansol understanding his line of sight chuckled as he mockingly tried to push his fingers closer. His fingers almost touched. “It's close enough.” Chan gasped in shock but the pain was gone in a second just the way it came, leaving him with an accelerating heart and bright cheeks.

"Hyung..." Chan pouted and Seungkwan was quick to kiss it away. “But as much as I love the idea of it touching, I think we need to feed you more.” Hansol teased, his hands still there, but they were no longer squeezing the life out of Chan. 

Chan huffed and closed his eyes, looking away from them. Do they have to tease him even in this situation? He wanted to complain more but also he couldn't say that he didn't liked it. As shameless as it may sound, he liked it, like everything his Hyungs did with him. Everything, anything, as long as it was them-

His line of greedy thoughts were cut off by the clear sound of a bottle popping open. Chan opened his eyes and looked down. The first thing he saw were Hansol's hands, softly rubbing the earlier abused areas to soothe it. And the second thing-

"Ngh~ Hyu-" Chan moaned when the finger slipped in. It was so sudden, he instinctively clenched hard around the digit. "Shh~ Its ok Agi." While one hand was busy opening Chan up, Seungkwan's other hand picked one of the younger's limp hand and brought it up to his lips. He kissed each slender finger, an encouraging, "you're doing great baby", "that's my good boy", and along those dropped after each kiss.

A soft kiss landed on his cheekbones too. This time from Hansol as his hands moved up from Chan's waist, mapping everything in between, trying so hard to burn the image in his mind. "Agi, do you realize how beautiful you look right now." Ok that was sudden. Chan whimpered but his tone was undoubtedly happy, relishing in his Hyungs' praise.

"Always so beautiful, so talented, so so exquisite." The more Hansol praised him the more his tensed body relaxed as he leaned back fully. Another kiss on his cheek pulled a heartily giggle out of him. Ok, he was ok. Now fully aware of the foreign feeling, he gave Seungkwan a small nod, allowing him to continue. The slicky finger wiggled around in him and he no longer felt the need to push it out.

Hansol's hands found it's new stop over Chan's pecs, his fingers playing with the soft buds. Chan found comfort in these soft pleasure as faint moans escaped his lips now and them. Then suddenly the soft sensation turned mind numbing when Hansol pinched his nipples and Seungkwan shoved three finger in him at the same time. 

Chan gasped, the pleasure so sudden, it nearly short circuited his mind. He thrashed between them but a hand over his stomach, pushing him in place was enough to withhold him. "Hyung- Fuck- Too... Ah~ Too much-" He couldn't help but curse as his hands flew to push Seungkwan away from him.

But Seungkwan didn't back away instead he pressed in more, teasing even. "Baby, are you ok?" Seungkwan's free hand came to hold Chan's face, his tone mellow, full of concerns but the action that followed the words were- Chan let out a high pitched moan as those fingers in him somehow managed to find his sweet spot.

Seungkwan pushed in deep and curved his fingers up, hitting the bundle of nerves relentlessly each time. The pleasure was so sudden and so much that Chan couldn't even get a coherent sentence out of his mouth before he was coming.

White filled his vision, the static in his ear so loud, Chan feared he might just go deaf. "Agi?" Hearing that Chan blinked his vision back and as the pixels came together it formed Hansol, who was leaning right onto his face. Then suddenly, something in him moved again causing another moan to choke through him and his hands flew to grab onto the wrist of the fingers pressing between his legs.

Chan was very close to crying, hell those tears were already forming when out of pity Seungkwan pulled his fingers out. "Our baby, took it so well. Such a good boy." Hansol whispered behind his ears as Seungkwan rubbed his lube coated fingers, that were just inside him, all over him, mixing it with his come.

The actions and the words were so contrasting, filthy even, Chan could no longer watch it. Then Hansol gently pushed him away from him and Chan fell back into Seungkwan's arm. "Baby, can you give me a color." Seungkwan held him like that and Chan's body arched because of the position.

Being so long on his knees, his legs hurt like hell. But as if hearing his discomfort, two large hands began massaging his sore thighs. His body shivered with each squeeze but it was comforting enough. "It's ok if you want to stop right now, Chan -ah. We understand." Came Hansol's voice and Chan kind of wanted to laugh. As if he was going to stop. "Green." He mumbled out with a smug smile and Seungkwan chuckled and gave him a kiss in return.

Seungkwan gently placed him down on his palm then slid a few inches back. The hands massaging his thighs also settled up on his bottom, gently pushing and pulling on the round muscles. "If it hurts, tell us right away. You don't have to push yourself, ok?" Though impatient, Hansol tried to make himself sound as steady as possible.

Chan wanted to tell them that he was going to take it even though it hurt but that would immediately make his Hyungs stop so he just gave a small, "Yes Hyung" and braced himself. The first push was bearable, it was only the tip and with how much Seungkwan had prepared him earlier, it was smooth even.

But as Hansol pushed further in, the more Chan tensed. "Why are- so... big." Chan moaned in between his labored breathes as he tried to relax himself but it was futile. "Thanks baby." Hansol chuckled. Chan struggle to aroused him even more. As much as he wanted to go in gently, he could no longer hold himself back.

"Sorry Chan -ah. You can scold me later." Was the only sentence Chan got before Hansol slammed all the way in. "Hyung-" Chan choked but couldn't get anything out after that because his lips was captured by Seungkwan. Fuck, baby, this feels like a dream come true. You've no idea. Hansol groaned behind him as the pace fastened.

Trapped between a hard place and a fierce kiss, Chan couldn't even struggle properly. Seungkwan kissed him like he was starving, like Chan would disappear the moment their lips part while Hansol had skipped the slow movements entirely and was rutting against him, hard.

The force was so intense but Chan had no way to let it out because his mouth was blocked. Accumulating all his might, Chan finally pushed Seungkwan away from him. Coughing, he opened his mouth to say something but it was turned into a moan as Hansol began to push past his nerves.

The tears were evident now, hot down his eyes. "Sol -ah you took it too far, our baby is crying." Seungkwan said those words between laughs as if he wasn't a part of it. Then suddenly he felt two thumbs being pushed past his lips. "But Baby, Hansol is having all the fun, I kind of feel left out." The thumbs pressed down on his tongue. "Won't you let me join?" And what was Chan supposed to say? No? As if.

Chan opened his mouth wide, his tongue lolling out as he looked up at Seungkwan, eyes expectant. Seungkwan chuckled, grabbing his jaw, he placed it over his tongue. "When my baby is inviting me so lovingly, how am I supposed to say no." With that he slowly gave in, sliding his way into Chan's mouth.

Seungkwan moaned, his hips shivering as Chan sucked in. "Fuck- so fucking- yes baby just like that." Unlike Hansol, Seungkwan started slow. With each thrust he pushed a little further, coaxing Chan's throat open. Behind him Hansol also slowed down, matching Seungkwan's pace. But somehow this slow pace was leaving a bad feeling inside Chan's gut. Why did it feel like the calm before storm-

With a steady pace, Seungkwan now reached the back of his throat and he could already feel Hansol up in his guts. When suddenly both of them stopped where they were, deep in him. Not only stop, they pried in deeper. Chan gagged in reflex as his eyes flew wide. His hands hurriedly grabbed Seungkwan's thighs not knowing what was happening to him.

Then he heard it. The unmistakable sound of his Hyungs making out above him. Were they- were they really- Chan could feel his eyes rolling back and a moan in the form of gurgles exited his throat. The sensation made Seungkwan break the kiss with a similar noise. "Fuck, baby. You almost made me come." Seungkwan cried and Hansol laughed but good thing, the pressure from both side was finally pulled.

Seungkwan pulled out of his mouth and Chan took in a big gulp of much need air. "You almost choked me to death, Hyung." Chan complained with a pout, his voice already sore but Seungkwan just gave him a sheepish smile as he tapped his mouth. "And you almost swallowed my dic-" "Shut up." Huffing Chan opened his mouth ready to take Seungkwan again.

But before Chan could fully take Seungkwan in, Hansol suddenly decided to move like a beast in heat. "You two drive me nuts, do you know that?" Hansol movement caused Chan to surge forward with a force so hard, Seungkwan was up his throat with only one thrust. "Sol -ah, honey slow down." Seungkwan groaned but he was soon matching Hansol's pace.

And our poor Chan could only take it. Their pace grew frantic each passing second, so hard and fast, Chan was starting to have difficulty accessing the sensation around his body. Maybe it was because of the lack of oxygen to his brain, may be it was the over stimulation but no matter what it was Chan was coming undone between them, withering like a leaf.

Mean so mean.

And only a few second after, he was feeling hot all over, down his throat and up his guts. But Chan was long out of it. His eyes rolled back and all he could see was a white sky with stars all over it. Voices faded in and out and he could feel the pressure leaving his body but still the sensation was too overwhelming.

.

.

.

"Chan -ah? Agi?"

Someone called out to him but Chan couldn't guess who because he was busy trying to get his vision back. He blinked through it, could feel the moisture seeping down his cheeks but those tears only made his vision more blurry.

He felt a soft pat on his cheek, a thumb swiped below his eyes, wiping his tears. "Baby?" Finally getting his voice back he hummed back. The caller sighed. "You almost gave me a heart attack, Chan- ah." As the pixels cleared it again formed Hansol who was worriedly looking at him, his hand on Chan's hair, combing it back.

"Good?" Chan hummed again as he closed his strained eyes, focusing solely on Hansol patting his head. Suddenly there was a loud bang from the bathroom pulling both their attention towards it. Hansol chuckled. "Looks like Kwan tripped onto something again. Rest here, I'll go check on him."

With that Hansol got of from the bed and began to walk towards the bathroom. Once Hansol went away, Chan brought his hands in front of his face then looked down. His body was still covered in come and all sorts of liquid, a clear sign of what just happened was not a dream at all. He covered his face and screamed. Not loudly, of course. A silent scream while rolling around on the bed.

What the fuck!! It was real! Every thing was fucking real!!

Chan couldn't contain the happiness surging through him.

This moment of happiness was interrupted by a chuckle and Chan peeked through his finger to find Seungkwan and Hansol standing by the bathroom door looking at him. Their eyes reflected so much love and fondness, it it made everything that had happened even realer.

Chan couldn't help the real scream erupting this time.

.

.

.

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