Archive of Our Own

Chris has been sitting in the driveway of his parents' home, has been parked for all of two seconds, and he already wants to pull back out.

There are two other cars in the driveway not accounted for, cars he doesn't recognize but knows without a doubt it means his mother is up to her usual shenanigans again.

"You need to find a wife," she had said every time he visited over the last few months. "I'm getting old! I need grandchildren!"

His parents had only just entered their fifties. Chris resisted the urge to point that out, resisted the urge to remind his mother that they were in their early twenties when he was born and they still managed to have two more children before he was ten. Chris is approaching his thirtieth birthday and still had plenty of time to meet someone, get married, and have children, but his mother seems to disagree.

Hence, the extra cars in the driveway.

She'd begun to develop a nasty habit of inviting people to their home so she could play matchmaker. Chris had told Hannah more than once to stop letting her watch shows like Bridgerton, or they'd all be thrown into the melee.

Clearly, since he's the oldest, Hannah doesn't care about that now and feels content to feed him to the dogs.

It takes him exactly five minutes of mental pep talk before he shuts off his car and head inside, toeing his shoes off at the door and calling out, "Eomma?!"

"In the kitchen Channie!" his mother calls back, the joy in her voice evident. He takes in the three pairs of shoes he doesn't recognize as he walks further into the house, assuming at least a mother and two daughters were waiting for him.

What he doesn't expect is that the mother and two daughters are people he happens to bevery familiar with.

"Chan-ah!" Mrs. Lee greets when he enters the kitchen. Chris's mother, Mrs. Lee, and her daughters, Rachel and Olivia, were sitting around the kitchen island, looking relatively similar to the way they did when he last saw them probably…ten years ago now.

"Imo!" He smiles, flocking to her side of the table and gave her a hug. To her daughters, he waves politely, and they each give him answering smiles and waves of their own.

The Lees used to live three doors down from them when he was growing up. He remembers his mother and Mrs. Lee having the time of their lives being mothers in their twenties, raising children in similar age ranges, remembers their families being shoved together to do things all the time — holidays, play dates, outings to the beach, the zoo, the aquarium, amusement parks, family vacations — until Chris and Rachel had graduated. Chris had gone away to Seoul for college, while Rachel went to London, and when he visited for the holidays in his first year, he learned that the Lees had moved from Burwood to Newcastle after Mr. Lee got a new job.

Chris also remembers there being one more Lee sibling, one who isn't currently present.

"The Lees have moved back to Burwood!" Chris's mum says when he comes to her side to greet her. "Isn't that just wonderful?"

"It is," Chris nods, smiling at the sisters. "You guys too, or?"

"Just mum, dad, and Olivia," Rachel says, tossing her long hair over her shoulder. "I've got my own place in Rhodes."

"Rachel works at Concord Hospital," Mrs. Lee explains, pride in her voice. "She just started her residency."

Rachel sends Chris a look. He hasn't seen her in awhile, but he remembers her giving him that look a lot growing up whenever their mothers got like this — conspiring but pretending like they were making simple conversation.

"Don't fall for their bullshit," her eyes say.

Chris sends Rachel the same knowing look he always used to. "Don't have to tell me twice."

"Chris lives in Bellevue Hill," his mother continues. "He works from home for an entertainment label back in Seoul."

"So I've heard!" Mrs. Lee exclaims. "How wonderful."

"The track you did for MISAMO was really nice," Olivia chimes in, "I forgot if I mentioned that to you or not already."

"And Day6," Rachel adds. "Their last album was so good."

"You did," Chris says to Olivia, then turns to Rachel and smiles. "Thanks."

"Oh?" Mrs. Lee looks between them. "I didn't know you all kept in touch."

"We have phones, mum," Rachel points out with a teasing smile. "It's not hard."

"I didn't know that," Chris's mother says, looking at her son curiously. Chris resists the urge to roll his eyes, lest he be slapped.

"Where's Hannah and Lucas?" Chris asks instead of responding. His mother had lured them all here under the guise of brunch. Chris knows she meant it was just brunch by inviting his siblings, because he wouldn't have come if his mother had invited him one on one.

The last time he fell for that, he ended up on a spontaneous blind date with someone his mother had met at church. She was a nice person, but not at all someone Chris was interested in beyond small conversation. She wasn't his type — too soft, too nice, not enough — so he paid for their meal and left cordially.

"They're with Felix," Rachel answers. "They're picking up the food."

Felix.

Chris felt a fuzzy little pang of nostalgia in his gut.

Felix had been his little shadow growing up. Younger than him by three years, always interested in Chris and whatever he was doing, always wanting to tag along — he joined swim because of Chris, got into taekwondo because of Chris, joined their church choir because of Chris, liked the same video games as Chris, joined rugby because of Chris, liked going to the same beaches, liked eating the same things — and when Chris and Rachel went away for school, Chris regretted the way he and Felix just…stopped talking.

He kept in touch with Rachel because they were the same age and had always kept a level of platonic understanding between them. Olivia got back in touch with him on her own when his name started to get out there with every new hit song, admitting he was kind of cool, but she was mostly Hannah's friend, so he didn't really mind the contact.

Felix, on the other hand, he hadn't spoken to in a long time, possibly since his family moved to Newcastle.

"How is Felix?" his mother asks Mrs. Lee.

"Oh, he's wonderful," Mrs. Lee gushes with a wide smile. "He travels quite a bit for work, but he managed to come home for a while to help with the move back."

Chris thinks it might be nice to see him again. It'd be good to catch up with him, see what Felix has made of himself and what he's gotten up to.

He grabs a water out of the fridge and stands next to his mother at the kitchen island, only half tuned in to the conversation that the women delve into. His dad arrives home not too long after, and he tilts his head at Chris toward the living room.

Chris follows him dutifully, sitting on the couch. His dad raises a brow, gesturing with his chin toward the kitchen. "Your eomma wants you to marry Rachel or something?"

"Or something," Chris snorts.

His dad shakes his head. "It's fine. She'll drop it eventually."

"Yeah, when I actually meet someone, maybe." Chris sighs.

The front door opens then, Berry's loud barking resonating as she bounds into the house, her little claws scraping against the tiles as she runs. Hannah and Lucas' familiar laughter echo off the walls, followed by a deep voice Chris doesn't recognize.

His dad stands, and Chris follows, heading back into the kitchen and towards the take-out bags that now litter the marble counter top. Chris looks up at the sound of his mother's cooing, his curiosity piqued.

His mother was facing him as she fussed over someone. A gorgeous someone.

Chris can't see their face from his spot in the kitchen, but from what he can see, he catalogues as best as he possible. Long blond hair, dainty shoulders on a tiny frame, a torso hugged by a long-sleeved white shirt, the delicate curve to their waist, the way their hips flared just the slightest beneath their jeans, the solid curve and slope of their ass.

Whoever this person may be, she sure is pretty. The magnetic pull Chris feels to her is almost instant, and feels a lot like fate.

But what does Chris know about fate?

Chris casts his eyes back down to the counter, helping to distribute the food. His mother had ordered Thai food from their favorite Thai restaurant, so Chris knew immediately which plates belong to who in his family, and set the plates for them on one side of the dining table, and the plates for the Lee family on the other.

His mother and father are still conversing with the Lees in the kitchen when Hannah approaches, bringing over a couple pitchers of water and a bottle of wine tucked under her arm.

"Sorry mum ambushed you," she says quietly. "If it helps, I'm pretty sure Rachel's dating someone. Olivia, too."

Chris shrugs. "It's fine. I'm not looking, you know that."

"No?" she checks. "Not even at Felix?"

Chris scoffs as he arranges the silverware. "Very funny. Where is he, by the way? I thought you and Luke went with him to get the food."

Hannah gives Chris a strange look. "What do you mean? He's right there."

Chris looks over to where Hannah had gestured to, finding no one else but his mother, the pretty newcomer, Mrs. Lee, Rachel, Olivia, Lucas, and his father. "Where?"

"Are you getting blind with age? He's talking to mum."

"No," his brow furrows as his voice quiets. "That's —"

The pretty newcomer turns.

Freckles. Soft, button nose. Strong cheek bones. Full lashes kissing pink cheeks. Heart shaped mouth. Pretty pink lips, parted around sharp teeth and a shiny tongue that pokes out, wetting the bottom lip just the slightest. Big, round, brown eyes.

Chris blinks rapidly, trying to clear his vision, to be absolutely sure.

Holy shit.

That is Felix.

Chris's brain comes crashing into the front of his skull at a devastating halt, his breath stolen from his lungs.

The pretty newcomer is… Felix.

Felix, who looks like a girl. But is clearly not a girl. Where Chris expected tits, there is merely a soft swell of muscle, but no breasts. Where he expected the curve of a Venus de Milo-esque figure, he finds the slightest hint of a toned torso, hard earned and worked for over the years through various sports and physical activities, tapering down into a slim waist.

Felix smiles at him, blinding and dangerous to Chris's well being. "Hi, Chris."

Chris's ears fill with water. He can feel his cheeks beginning to heat up, the tips of his ears getting red. Felix is the owner of the deep voice, and the pretty newcomer. His equilibrium is completely thrown off by the contrasting information.

"Hi, Felix," Chris responds automatically, his voice barely containing his shock, or his obvious interest. "It's good to see you."

Hannah snorts softly from behind him. Lucas raises a brow at Chris like he's stupid. To Chris's dismay, he notices the looks his parents exchange, the appraising look they give to Felix. Felix, whose smile only widens when he notices the way Chris is looking at him.

Chris pushes it all to the side, pretends like it doesn't exist. He keeps his eyes away from Felix and takes his seat between his dad and Lucas when everyone sits at the table.

At one point during their meal, he gets up to grab his mother something from the fridge, hides behind the door and fires off a text to Yugyeom.

He gets a simple thumbs up in return, and finds he can breathe again.

+

Chris has a week and a half before he has to leave Sydney to head back to Seoul for business meetings.

He tries to stick to his place, to stay away from his parents' house and the Lees and Felix and his pretty, well, everything, but his mother is insistent, and while he may be a grown man, his mother still puts the fear of God in him.

"The Lees need help getting settled in their home," his mother told him on the phone, leaving no room for argument. "We're all going over to help."

So Chris finds himself back at the Lee's in just two days' time.

Their new home, Chris learns, is exactly the same as the old one they'd left all those years ago. Three doors down from the Bahng family home, with the large backyard, a white picket fence, and the window of Felix's old bedroom visible from the window of Chris's old bedroom. The houses between theirs were all one level, while their house and the Lees were two stories.

The family they'd sold it to back then had called Mrs. Lee to mention they were planning on leaving and moving into a bigger home, which had been serendipitous, since the Lees were in the middle of trying to find somewhere to live.

Where better than their old house?

Chris could think of a few options.

Nostalgia hits him like a freight train the second he takes a step over the threshold. In just a matter of days, their home has already started to look the way it did all those years ago.

Their front entrance is littered with shoes, coats old and new hung on the hooks along the wall, the same pictures Chris remembers seeing hundreds of times back then framed and back in their designated places. Some of them are with Chris and his family, birthdays and holidays and other just-because photos that they took back then. Something inside of his heart aches at the sight of all of them. There are new pictures among them as well, ones of all three of the Lee children at their college graduations, of Felix and Olivia at their high school graduations, newer family photos of them somewhere in Newcastle.

Chris finds himself staring at the photos of Felix for a beat longer. He can see over the years the way that the Felix he remembered has transformed into the Felix of today — the way his baby face matured, his hair growing longer, going blond, the way Felix went from soft to even softer, slightly more feminine, even more angelic than Chris remembered — and he suddenly feels lost.

Lost, but curious.

The Felix of his memories, the one who followed him around and did anything Chris did, the Felix who Chris's friends used to tease worshipped the ground Chris walked on, the Felix who Chris felt protective over, who he had regrettably lost touch with was back.

Back, but not at all the Felix he remembered, and Chan wanted to understand what had changed. He wanted to know every second of Felix's life that he hadn't been part of, wanted to know what had occurred to make him so…beautiful.

Beautiful in a way Chris had only ever seen in women.

"Chris?"

He tore his eyes away from the photos and found the source of his thoughts standing near the threshold to the living room. Felix wore a long-sleeved shirt two sizes too big, big enough to hide his silhouette and nearly cover the shorts on his legs, his beautiful blond hair swept back into a bun. Felix wore thin, wire-framed glasses, perched on his button nose, and his big brown eyes stared at Chris with a curious tilt of his head.

Chris swallows. "Hey."

"Everything okay?" Felix asks. He takes a step closer, and Chris backs away from the wall.

"Yeah," Chris clears his throat. "Just… reminiscing."

Felix smiles softly. "It has been awhile, hasn't it?"

"It has," Chris nods. "Have you been good?"

He regrets his word choice, mostly because he immediately hears the way the question may sound. To his own ears, he hears the inappropriate undertone, knows his mind is only going down that road because of the way he's been reacting to Felix since he first laid eyes on him again, but he can't help it.

Felix is beautiful. The truth of that isn't wrong.

What Chris wants to do about it, however, is another story.

"I've been good," Felix nods in return. "And you?"

"The same," Chris says, moving forward to take the box Felix's is holding out of his hands. "Where should this stuff go?"

Felix considers Chris for a second, but eventually tilts his head. "Down the hall, in mum's office."

"Sounds good." Chris heads in that direction immediately, his feet carrying him down the familiar hallway and toward where he knows Mrs. Lee's home office to be. The set up is already much of the same. He remembers popping his head into this room to say hi to her many times, where she often sat behind a large, mahogany desk, the surface covered with fabric or tile samples from her job as an interior designer. Just the desk is up so far, but Chris knows it'll be back to the way it was in no time.

When he heads back into the hall after setting the box down, Felix is standing there waiting for him.

"What else can I help with?" Chris asks, ignoring the way having Felix's eyes on him makes his heart race.

Felix tilts his head. Chris knows he's probably just thinking of what still needs to be done, but it feels a lot like he's assessing Chris, trying to see the best way to pick him apart. Especially when Felix's eyes begin to rove over Chris's face, making him feel overexposed.

Chris feels sweat begin to form at his hairline.

"Not sure," Felix eventually says. "We should probably check the garage. All the boxes are in there."

Chris swallows, unsure about how good of an idea it is for the two of them to be alone.

Not because Chris worries for himself. He worries about what it would mean for Felix.

"Where's everyone else?" he asks instead.

"Mum and dad are upstairs setting up their bed frame. Your parents are helping Olivia with hers. Rachel and Olivia are getting mum and dad's bathroom ready."

Chris's brows furrows. "Hannah and Lucas aren't here?"

"Your mum said they were working."

Chris resists the urge to roll his eyes. He was working, too. But of course, since he worked from home, his mother considered his availability to be completely open.

"Of course," Chris grumbles to himself.

He follows Felix down the familiar path toward the garage, entering through the house and into the space. The owners after the Lees were nice, but relatively quiet. The Hwangs had one son, Hyunjin, who Chris had seen here and there over the years, but from what Chris knew, Hyunjin spent most of his time in Korea.

They hadn't been to the house much when the Hwangs were there, Chris especially, so it was interesting now to see some of the changes they'd made — the garage being one of them, with an epoxy floor recently redone, as well as built ins on the wall for storage — mixed with some of the familiar staples of the Lee family.

Their deep freezer was one of the familiar — something Felix's father had bought once he and Chris's own father had gotten into fishing, needing space to store their catches to keep fresh until it was time to cook or grill — as well as their garage refrigerator, notorious for storing Mrs. Lee's homemade kimchi.

Nostalgia felt nice at first, but now, with Felix lingering by Chris's side, it's starting to make his skin itch just a little.

"We should probably bring this stuff up." Felix gestures to a pile of boxes. "It's all for Olivia's room. There's still a lot of it, so…" His voice trails off as he shrugs, the collar of his oversized shirt slipping, threatening to expose his collarbone.

Chris tears his eyes away and grabs the first box he sees, uncaring of how heavy it is. Felix grabs a box of his own, and Chris follows him through the house and up the stairs toward Olivia's room. His parents were indeed assembling Olivia's bed, and Chris greets them briefly before setting the box down and turning on his heel, heading back to the garage to grab more boxes.

He and Felix go like that for a few trips, bringing things from the garage and to Olivia's room, and then eventually bringing things for their parent's room. It's comfortable to work in silence, just doing as Felix directed, until they get to the final set of boxes.

"These are going to your room?" Chris asks, bending to reach for one of the boxes labeled with his name. Felix stops him with a gentle hand on his shoulder, his touch practically searing its imprint into Chris's skin, even through the fabric of his shirt.

He's so warm.

"Oh no," Felix shakes his head. "I'm taking these with me to my place."

Chris blinks. "Oh, right. Sorry, they didn't mention —"

Felix laughs softly. "It's fine. I only signed the lease the other day and I'm not set to pick up the keys just yet. I wasn't really sure about getting a place of my own, since I travel a lot for work, but mum had a point that it'd be better for me to have some place to land and rest."

"Makes sense," Chris nods, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Where did you decide to land?"

"A place in Bellevue Hill."

Chris feels his heart stop.

He lives in Bellevue Hill.

He remembers, regrettably, seeing several 'for sale' signs on homes around his part of the neighborhood just at the start of this week. Including one for the house just behind his, one for the house directly across, and one for a house two doors down.

Chris forces a smile onto his face, nodding and offering Felix a happy smile. "That's really great, Felix."

Felix smiles back, a bit shy when he asks, "Wait — don't you live near there? Mum said —"

"Yeah," Chris nods, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. "Around there."

A pit of unease forms in Chris's stomach. In any other circumstance, he wouldn't mind it if Felix lived so close. Nothing would make his day more working from home than to look out of his window every now and again and see a pretty neighbor, especially one as pretty as Felix.

But, having it actually be Felix could be a problem in itself.

"Maybe we're neighbors," Felix says cheerily, his smile turning into something familiar to Chris, silly and lighthearted, with a touch of hope.

The guilt that rose in his stomach made him tear his eyes from Felix once more.

"Yeah," he says. "Maybe."

+

When Chris returns home hours later, he takes a drive through the streets of his little corner of Bellevue Hill, assessing all of the 'for sale' signs he'd noticed before, trying to look for any changes.

To his knowledge, all of the signs that were up this morning still remain.

He feels torn — there is relief and the feeling of a wish ungranted radiating in his bones — and sends a follow up text to Yugyeom.

yugyeom

yes hyung

your private session is booked

noon as usual

me

thanks

just checking

and stop calling me that

it's literally one month

+

Chris is in the middle of working when he hears the telltale signs of a moving truck.

He feels a bit of shame well up within himself as he runs from window to window of his house, trying to figure out where the truck is coming from, where it might be and which of the available homes have been sold.

But more importantly, he needs to know who bought it.

He gets his answer when his doorbell rings and he finds Mrs. Lee on his doorstep, Felix just behind her at the bottom of the stairs.

Felix looks embarrassed, like he'd rather be anywhere else.

Mrs. Lee smiles, pointing towards the house across the street.

"Can you believe it, Chan-ah?" she practically squeals, excitement in every crevice of her tone. "You and Yongbokkie are neighbors!"

Chris is proud of the fact that the smile on his face is not all the way forced, but he is ashamed at the way it shakes.

+

Later in the day, when Chris has retreated back to his house after helping Felix move all of his belongings from the truck and into his new home, he locks himself in his bathroom and shoves his shorts and boxer briefs down to his thighs.

He closes his eyes as he strokes his aching cock, visions of blond hair, brown eyes, freckles, plush lips, and a luscious waist fill his fantasies. Chris comes with a muffled shout into his fist, Felix's name barreling against the back of his teeth.

+

His mother ropes him into dinner at Felix's place.

He's been living across the street from Chris for all of twenty-four hours and Chris is already inside his house again.

Chris had been prepared to never set foot on Felix's side of the street, having divided their neighborhood in half by an invisible line that ran through the middle of their road. He'd been content to try to keep his curiosity and his interest to his side of neighborhood, to keep the "list of reasons I need to be around Felix" completely blank.

Of course, his mother wouldn't let that happen.

She and Mrs. Lee cook dinner, bringing along dozens of Tupperware containers full of food for Felix to keep his fridge stocked. Chris can't exactly say he's not touched by Mrs. Lee bringing him his own grocery bag full of containers, as well.

Chris does his best to ensure that dinner isn't a tense affair. He sits across from Felix, their mothers sitting next to them, chiming into the conversation as much as he can without directly engaging Felix or making it obvious that he's trying to not look at Felix.

Felix, who's in another one of those oversized long-sleeved shirts. This one is white, threatening to hang off of a bare shoulder, and if Chris looks at him too long, he's afraid he's going to trick himself into believing that he can see Felix's nipples. They're a deep mauve, Chris thinks, certainly duskier than his pretty lips, more than likely a similar shade to the galaxy's worth of freckles scattered over his skin.

Okay… so maybe it's a little obvious that he's looking at Felix.

Maybe it's more appropriate to say that he can't look away.

Even as Felix speaks, his voice that has only gotten deeper and smoother with time keeps Chris intrigued, hanging onto his every word. Felix smiles, and Chris's heart races.

"It's so nice to have you all back home," Chris mother says to Felix and Mrs. Lee. "It feels like old times again."

"It's nice to be back," Felix agrees, Mrs. Lee nodding along.

"So Felix," Chris's mother begins. Her curious tone makes the hairs on the back of Chris's neck stand up in suspicion. "Your mother says you travel a lot for work, what is it you do?"

"I work for a consulting firm," Felix says easily. "We specialize in human resources."

"Oh my, how fun! No wonder you travel a lot. Do you ever get to Seoul?"

Felix smiles, nods. "Sometimes, yes. I'm meant to be there in a couple of weeks for a few meetings."

Chris bristles.

So is he.

His mother says as much, adding, "Maybe you and Chris should get together in Seoul, too. He's there so often lately. Every other month, it feels like."

Chris is about to protest, still scrambling for an excuse when Felix chimes in with a sweet, "That would be nice, Imo." He turns to Chris then with a shy smile, "If you have time, that is."

Chris forces a smile on his face, nods. "Sure, Lix, I can make time."

Dinner progresses easily, their mothers usually leading most of the conversation while Felix and Chris chime in when they can. When it's time for dessert, his mother shoos him to the kitchen to help Felix collect the pavlova she bought from their favorite bakery. There are two kinds, the usual berry as well as a chocolate one, and they work to carefully pull them out of their boxes and onto two cake plates Felix procures from his cabinet.

"Where's your serving stuff?" Chris asks. He should know, since he did help Felix move in, but he'd worked hard to shove all of that information out of his brain as quickly as possible.

Felix seems to disagree, because he shakes his head as he approaches where Chris is at the cabinets. "You were the one who put them away."

He means to step out of the way, to give Felix the space to retrieve what they need, but instead, he squeezes his body between Chris's and the counter, his pretty little ass sliding over Chris's clothed, half-hard cock, nudging it as he goes and reaches into the drawer to Chris's left.

Chris gasps, just the slightest, and Felix hums to himself, turning in the little space, holding the pastry server and a knife in his hand. Felix sets them on the counter and lowers his hands, keeping them to his sides as he tilts his head up just the slightest. His pretty pink lips are parted as he stares up at Chris from under his lashes.

It's a dirty move, and judging by the twinkle in his eyes, Felix knows, and he's doing it on purpose.

Chris feels his cock throb in response.

"Felix," he murmurs.

Felix blinks up at him, his lips quirking up in what Chris thinks is between a smile and a smirk. "Yes, Chris?"

Chris can't find his voice, then. His mouth opens and closes like a damn fish, any thoughts of protest dying in his throat. Felix's hand comes up, fingertips brushing the edge of Chris's jaw.

"You've always been so handsome," Felix says with a pleasant little sigh. "Haven't you, hyung?"

A pained noise escapes Chris before he can stop it, his entire body taut with restraint, trying not to lean into Felix's touch.

That restraint completely snaps when Felix leans forward, his eyes fluttering shut, and Chris's body mimics his, his eyes falling shut the very second that Felix kisses him.

The kiss is soft. Sweet. Far more delicate than anything Chris is used to, but he finds it fits Felix. He looks like an angel now, his appearance reflecting the very fabric of his soul, and he kisses like one, too. Chris finds himself leaning into the kiss before he can help it. He feels like he's shaking, trying not to be overeager, to give Felix the opportunity to lead here, even though Chris desperately wants to take control.

He wants Felix to let him guide the kiss. He wants to lick into Felix's mouth, wants to suck his tongue and bite at those lips, wants to press his hands to the small of Felix's back, bow his spine just that little bit so Felix feels like Chris is eclipsing him, consuming him. He wants to feel Felix melt in his embrace, giving over that control Chris so desperately craves.

Chris wants Felix to be pliant and obedient and angelic, wants Felix to sit there as pretty as ever and let Chris do anything and everything that Chris wants, wants Felix to part those pretty lips, offer up those pretty hands, spread those pretty legs so Chris can see her pretty cunt and —

But Felix isn't a girl. He's pretty like one, but he's not, and Chris…

His body seems to kick back online far too late. Felix's body is pressed against his, his hands tight on Chris's biceps, while Chris's hands grip at that slim little waist. He's so small, so dainty that it makes Chris dizzy. Felix is moaning softly against Chris's mouth as they kiss, seeking more, but Chris slows him down just enough so that he can pull away with a wet gasp.

"Felix," he breathes, resting his forehead against his. "We — we can't. We can't, Lix, I'm—"

"It's okay," Felix assures him, rubbing at his arms. "It's just me, isn't it? It's okay, Chris."

Chris takes in a deep breath and shakes his head. "It's not that," it hurts him to pull away from Felix and out of his embrace, and his hard cock practically screams at him in protest when he takes the warmth of Felix's body away.

Felix frowns, and Chris's chest aches. "Why not?"

"I'm not —" he cuts himself off and shakes his head, taking Felix's hands off of his arms, cradling them between his own hands like he's holding something precious, because he is. Felix is so precious, and Chris can't, he can't be the person to ruin that.

He can't ruin that by being someone Felix can't have. By being someone who doesn't deserve Felix in the slightest.

Felix frowns, his entire frame drooping, his brows furrowing and his eyes growing round and shiny.

"Felix," Chris murmurs, prays. He kisses his hands, then kisses Felix square on his mouth with all of his desire and desperation, swears to himself it'll be the last. "I…I want to. Okay? I want to. But we can't. I'm sorry."

Felix stares at Chris, breathing for a few tense, fearful moments — fearful on Chris's side, so afraid that he's upset Felix something awful — but eventually, he nods.

"Okay," he says softly.

Chris brings his hands back to his lips, kisses each digit as reverently as possible, looking right into Felix's eyes when he says, again, "I'm sorry."

Felix shakes his head with a sad smile. "Don't be. It's okay."

Chris thumbs at Felix's cheeks. "It's not," he can see it's not, by the remnants of unshed tears still clinging to his lashes, "But I'll make it up to you somehow, okay?"

Felix's eyes flutter shut as he leans into Chris's palm. Chris intends to let him remain there for as long as he wants, since he's already denied Felix so much.

But then Mrs. Lee calls out from the dining room. "Boys? Don't tell me you're eating the pavlova all on your own!"

Felix's eyes slowly open then, his gaze locked onto Chris's as he calls out, "No Eomma, just had to look for the cake stands."

"We found them," Chris adds, "We just have to clean them up a bit."

"Bring the other bottle of wine when you bring the pavlova!" Chris's mother adds.

Chris snorts, but calls out his agreement. It makes Felix laugh softly, and then he's raising his head, slowly withdrawing his hands out of Chris's hold. Chris steps back then, looking at Felix, who smiles sweetly at him.

It's as close to a truce as they're probably going to reach right now, and that has to be enough.

+

Chris is not blind.

He understands beauty. He's an admirer of all things pretty, all things beautiful and divine and ethereal. Chris is fond of soft textures, cotton and satin and silk and linen, of smooth skin and soft lips, soft hands, little exhales of happy breaths in the crook of his neck, beneath his hands, on top of him. He's not so arrogant or horrible to believe beauty belongs to one gender, or one specific group of people. Chris finds many things, and people, beautiful.

The thing about all of it is that he simply does not have the time, the capacity, nor the interest, to date. It's true that he's busy and yes he works from home, but his more…personal interests, especially when it comes to finding a companion, someone he's content to be with, someone he can love openly, are a little bit more specific, and complicated. Chris is the sticky type, the kind of person who latches on and latches on for good. He is about commitment and long term and first, last, forever. He isn't great at hookups, flings, one-night stands, none of that.

Still. He is a man, and he has needs. Needs that often arise when confronted with something so beautiful he can barely breathe.

A friend had mentioned "Connections" to him in passing a couple of years ago. It's a franchise with various locations all over the world, a Gentleman's Club exclusive to a specific kind of clientele — wealthy, young, and most importantly, discrete — and came with the kind of instant gratification Chris needed when all he wanted was to scratch an itch with someone beautiful.

He was thankful that he'd sent a text to Seoul's franchise owner, Yugyeom, requesting a private session on the day the Lees came back into his life. While he had his moments with Felix, he knew himself, knew his needs, and he was all the more thankful for the private session after all the time he'd been forced to spend in Felix's orbit.

Yugyeom had bought an old office building and kept the first few floors as nondescript as possible. The first floor remained as a normal lobby and reception area, the second and third floors became administrative offices, the fourth became a large cafeteria of sorts for employees only, and the fifth floor Yugyeom turned into a recreation area, fit with a gym, a track area, sauna, pool, hot tub, and a large patio space that overlooked the city below.

The six, seventh, and eighth floors are all for the Connections, those who service clients like Chris. They're apartment spaces for some, private dressing areas for others.

The rest of the twenty-two floors, Yugyeom converted into hotel rooms where clients can have their private sessions, where they can take their time and not worry about sending their Connections out into the night. Instead, a security guard will arrive and escort them back to the Connection floors, where they'll be tended to and taken care of in the way that they require.

Private sessions are simple — most things at Connections are — and Chris can go into them knowing all of his preferences are considered. All of his hard limits, his wants, wishes, absolutes, the things he's interested in trying; all of it are things his Connections are informed of prior to arriving at the room reserved for Chris.

Chris never books a Connection for sex. Well, sex in the traditional sense, anyway. He never has the same Connection, either. Too much of a risk for a pattern, for regularity, for there to be a possibility that he gets used to what he receives and begins to expect it, to look forward to it.

To crave it.

When Chris lands in Seoul, he heads straight to his hotel to check in and drop off his bags before heading straight for Connections. He checks in for his private session early, as he usually does, then heads up to his usual room on the fifteenth floor to get ready. He takes his time showering, dries off thoroughly before he changes into a pair of jeans, nothing underneath. He leaves the jeans unbuttoned but zipped, and sits in the chair near the bed to wait. A brief check through his emails ends up keeping him busy, responding to those with higher priority, confirming the business meeting times he has while he's here.

A knock on the door makes him lock his phone and sit up a bit straighter, discarding the device on the side table.

"Come in," Chris calls out.

Anticipation floods his veins then, in the seconds between his permission and the inevitable arrival of his new Connection.

The thing that Chris appreciated the most about Connections was the…customization. He liked that he could ask for a Connection to have certain features and they would do their best to provide someone that met his expectations.

He tried his best to keep his request for this session as specific as possible, so he could scratch this itch, satiate this particular thirst and return back to Sydney with the issue dead and buried.

Blonde. Freckles. Plush lips. Tiny frame. Pretty ass.

This is as close as he would allow himself to get to Felix, to the idea of who he thought Felix was before he found out that it was Felix.

The door opens, and Chris finds himself waiting with bated breath, cock beginning to fill out beneath his jeans in what he's concerned is becoming a Pavlovian response. He keeps his eyes trained on the hallway, his heart beating hard in his chest. He hopes that they found someone close enough, hopes that seeing them would create even a fraction of the feeling that stirred within him when he first took in Felix's frame, when he kissed him, that he can thoroughly indulge himself here and go home feeling satisfied until his next itch comes crawling to the surface.

Chris usually keeps the room lights dimmed, likes to see enough to know his Connection has the essence of what he's looking for, but not enough to take note of anything other than how they make him feel — it makes him a bit of an asshole, he knows, but he'd never mistreat any of his Connections, no matter who they are.

When his Connection finally emerges from the hall, stepping into the room fully, Chris abandons the low lighting and flips on the lamp nearest him, shooting to his feet.

His Connection stares at him, wide-eyed and slack jawed.

"Chris?"

Long blond hair tied up into a pretty bun. Freckles, so many over their face, shoulders, some on their collarbone and dipped below the neckline of the robe they're wearing. Dainty shoulders on a tiny frame. Soft, button nose. A torso exposed by the thin satin fabric of the robe, barely tied around the delicate curve of their waist. Strong cheek bones. The slightest flare to their hips. Full lashes kissing pink cheeks. Heart shaped mouth. Pretty pink lips, parted around sharp teeth and a shiny little tongue that pokes out to wet those lips.

Lips that Chris has kissed.

Big, round, brown eyes that stare at Chris in disbelief.

"Felix?"

Felix turns back toward the closed door, then back to Chris. "What — is this some kind of joke?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Chris approaches him quickly, grabbing each side of the robe and pulling it tighter over Felix's chest. "What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" Felix hisses, stepping back and away and out of his reach, batting his hands away. "This isn't funny, Chris. This is my job."

Chris's mind completely empties at Felix's revelation.

His job.

He travels quite a bit for work, Mrs. Lee had said.

I travel a lot for work, but mum had a point that it'd be better for me to have some place to land and rest, Felix had said.

"This…is your job?" Chris asks helplessly, uselessly.

Connections has franchise locations across the globe.

Felix is a traveling Connection.

Felix is here as his Connection for the day.

The Connection that Chris needed in order to try to deal with Felix, in the first place.

Yugyeom couldn't have known, but Chris would kill him for this anyway.

"How is this your job?" Panic courses through his veins, skin prickling with the realization he would not be scratching any itch of any kind.

"Everyone needs money," Felix says, like it's a reasonable explanation, and Chris feels himself start to spiral.

"Oh my god," Chris mutters, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Felix sighs. "Chris, it's fine. Really."

"How is this fine, Felix?" Chris asks. "My request — nothing about this is fine."

"Well you're here, aren't you?" Felix snaps. The Felix in front of him now is a stark contrast to the Felix that Chris had kissed in the kitchen. This Felix is surefooted and in control, presence all encompassing. "It's called 'supply and demand.' You have a very clear demand, and —"

"Do not," Chris warns, pointing a finger at him. "Do not finish that sentence. That is not what you are."

Felix scoffs and bats his hand away once more. "Oh please, don't try to take the moral high ground here, Chris. We're both consenting adults and this isn't strange in the slightest — not for you and not for me. This isn't your first rodeo, and it's not mine either. There's something here, anyway, between us. You were polite and cordial about putting a stop to it, which is fine, and I get it. But this? Your request? You're not the first person who has asked for things like this, and —"

"Don't," Chris pleads, squeezing his eyes shut. "I don't want to hear about anybody else."

That was clear, in his parameters for private sessions, too. Sticky type, and all.

"I didn't mean it like that." Felix sighs, exasperated. "I'm just saying that it's fine. To try to ask for something similar."

"This isn't similar," Chris deadpans as he opens his eyes, levelling Felix with a flat look. "This is exact."

Felix's face softens just a tad. "This is about…me? Specifically?"

"Yes," Chris bemoans. "Who else would this be about, Felix?"

Felix's eyes narrow. "Why are you getting pissed at me for how you felt?"

"How you make me feel," Chris corrects, standing again. "This is — I'm here because of you, so this is about you."

"It's your private session," Felix points out, gesturing at the room around them. "And you're hard. So I'd say this is actually about you."

Chris didn't want to admit Felix was right, but he is hard. He's been hard since Felix walked in, since Chris laid eyes on him and realized the Connection he'd been hoping to be a 'close enough' forgery was in fact, the original.

"Yeah, well," Chris says eventually, throat dry. "Just ignore it. Forget it." He fumbles in his jeans, grabs his wallet to take out his usual tip amount — ten million Korean won, a little over ten and a half thousand Australian dollars — and holds it out for Felix to take. "Here, for your time wasted."

Felix sneers down at the cash and shoves Chris's hand away. "Fuck off."

"Felix," Chris sighs. "I'm trying to —"

Felix is fast as he plucks the cash and the wallet out of Chris's hand and tosses it behind him onto the bed, right before he drops to his knees.

"Felix —"

"Just shut up," he sasses, unzipping Chris's jeans. His hand reaches into the denim, fingers closing around his cock before Felix carefully takes it out. Chris nearly goes cross eyed at the sight. "Your request was just for a blow job, was it not?"

His hand is so small, compared to Chris's cock. His fingertips barely meet as they circle around the girth, a light dusting of freckles on the back of Felix's hands.

"You don't have to —" Chris begins to say, but Felix's eyes narrow again into angry slits.

"I know this is my job," he starts, tone dangerous. "But you know as well as I do that I know that I 'don't have to,' and that if I didn't want to, I wouldn't."

"You —" Chris pauses, watches the way Felix wet his lips. "You want to? Actually?"

Felix blinks at him. "You said you wanted to, as well. In the kitchen."

Chris swallows, nods in turn. "I did."

"Do you still want to?" Felix asks, peering up at him through his long eyelashes.

"Yes," Chris breathes out, and it feels more like a confession than a confirmation. "But I need to know that you want this. Like, really want this."

Chris watches, fascinated, as all the tension seeps out of Felix's eyes and is quickly replaced by interest, lust.

"Yes," Felix answers simply, but the overall weight of his confirmation settles heavily in Chris's gut. It sounds like Felix wants to say more, and Chris wants to hear it, aches to.

He also wants Felix off the floor.

Chris bends down then, gently placing his hands on Felix's elbows and pulls him to his feet. He walks them both backwards toward the bed, sitting down and moving till he was against the headboard, watching carefully as Felix follows, crawling to Chris on his hands and knees.

As Felix settles between Chris's spread legs, he peers up at him curiously. "Is this — Chris, are you straight?"

"Yes," Chris answers. There isn't a need in him to lie to Felix, especially not now.

"Is that…is that why you stopped us, before?" His eyes are just as round as sad as that day in the kitchen.

Chris nods. "It is. I just — I was thinking about you. About what I wanted to do, and I started thinking about you as if you were —" He cuts himself off, swallows his words and stares at Felix, afraid to finish his sentence.

But Felix seems to understand, all the same.

"A girl," Felix says for him. "I don't — I'm sorry, but I'm not one."

"I know." Chris nods. "But you're still pretty."

Felix rolls his eyes, but pulls Chris's jeans down his legs all the same. "That's all it takes for you?"

"I'm not blind, Felix," Chris grabs one of the pillows and hands it to him, intending for him to use it to make himself comfortable. Felix simply puts it to the side. "I have no shame in admitting that I think you're beautiful, and that you interest me."

"A second ago I was pretty, and now I'm beautiful?" Felix asks as he sits up on his knees, removing the satin robe and letting it pool behind him. Chris's mouth begins to water at the sight of white lace panties on Felix, the way the fabric cups his cock and hides it behind the intricate material. "You're definitely not the Chris I remember."

Chris smiles, a bit delirious when Felix lowers himself to the bed to rest on his front, grabbing at Chris's cock once more. "You're not the Felix I remember, either."

Felix hums, tongue poking out to lick at the tip. "And thank goodness for that, huh?"

Chris's snarky reply is gone when Felix takes Chris into his mouth for the first time.

It is a wet, warm, silky heat that feels exhilarating, especially when Felix sucks down once and sends Chris's mind completely reeling. He moans, loud in a way he usually isn't, his fingers descending into Felix's hair, scratching at his scalp.

"Oh," his moans turn into a pleasant sigh as Felix almost immediately finds his rhythm, bobbing slowly on Chris's cock, his mouth completely perfect. As perfect as Chris knew it would be, like nothing he's ever felt before. Felix sucks every time he pulls his head up, opens his mouth a little wider when he comes down, trying his best to fit as much of Chris down his throat as he possibly can.

Chris resists the urge to fuck into his mouth, wants Felix to have the freedom to do what he wants for the moment. His mind starts to run at light speed, finally free to let his thoughts run wild and imagine every single thing that Chris has wanted to do either with Felix, to Felix, or for Felix. The more Felix's mouth works on him, the more Chris's fantasies twist and change and evolve.

He wants more than this moment. More than what's probably already the best blowjob he's ever received in his life. He wants more of Felix's mouth on him, wants more opportunities to have Felix like this with him, in satin or lace or cotton or whatever Felix decides.

Chris thinks he can have him. He thinks they can have this, whatever it is, and it can just be this.

When the tip of Chris's cock hits the back of Felix's throat, a shiver runs down his spine, his eyes solely on Felix. His throat closes around his cock, squeezing deliciously, and Chris moans as Felix audibly gags. He watches, transfixed, as Felix pulls off of him, his mouth shiny, strings of spit connecting his lips to the head of Chris's cock.

His eyes are watery as he blinks up at Chris, panting slightly, and Chris removes one hand from his hair to rest on his cheek, thumbing at his lips. "Doing so good, Lix," he murmurs, "You okay?"

Felix nods, turning to press a kiss to Chris's palm before he's leaning back in, pressing a kiss to the head of his cock. "Can fuck my mouth if you want," Felix speaks against it, the vibration of his voice doing crazy things to Chris's sanity. "I can take it."

Chris laughs, delirious and in disbelief. "Tap my thigh twice if you want to stop. Can you do that for me?" Felix blinks, simply opening his mouth a little wider in response. Chris shakes his head. "I need words, Lix. Especially with this."

"Yes, Daddy," Felix says obediently, mouth dropping open once more.

Chris sucks in a breath, closing his eyes. "You —" he cuts himself off, can feel his cock throb in his hand. When he opens his eyes again, Felix is still there, waiting with his mouth open, his little tongue peeking out and drool threatening to land on the head of Chris's cock.

Chris waits. He watches, waits until it lands before he's feeding his cock back into Felix's mouth, threading his hands into his hair and gently fucking into the wet heat. He starts slow at first, lets Felix get used to the shape of him before he slowly begins to thrust deeper. Felix just lets him, letting his jaw drop a little more, widening his mouth to be able to take all of Chris until he's buried in Felix's pretty mouth, cock down his throat and Felix's button nose pressed into his pelvis.

Felix's throat constricts, and he gags a little, but he makes no move to get away or ask for reprieve. Chris watches, fascinated and uncontrollably turned on, when Felix's eyes merely flutter shut, his body practically sagging into the bed. Where his hands have been braced on Chris's thighs, holding himself up, Chris can feel the way his grip loosens.

 Slowly, he pulls Felix off of him, his heart breaking a little when Felix whines in protest.

"Just wanna move to the chair," Chris pants, gesturing to where he'd been sitting before with his chin, "So you can get comfy between my legs, okay?"

Felix rises up on his knees, and Chris moves on shaky limbs, scooting off of the bed and back toward the chair, taking a seat on the edge. He watches as Felix moved from the bed with so much elegance, seduction, and grace, Chris feels his cock throb painfully in response. Felix grabs the pillow on the bed, and as he approaches, places it between Chris's spread feet before sinking to his knees on top of it. His hands come up to the top of Chris's thighs, nails digging in and scratching as he rises up just enough to take Chris's cock back into his mouth before he eases back down, blinking expectantly up at Chris.

"Fuck," Chris breathes. "What the fuck."

Felix's eyes light up in an amalgamation of a smile and a smirk, since his mouth is otherwise preoccupied. Chris understands him all the same. He's quite proud of himself, and Chris is content to let him be.

Gently, Chris sinks his fingers back into Felix's hair, gripping at the strands. Felix hums his approval around Chris's cock, and his hips stutter, fucking up into Felix's mouth suddenly and making him gag. Chris is ready to pull off once more and apologize, but Felix simply moans, letting his eyes fall shut once more, his jaw relaxing.

Chris does it again, not as forceful, but just as deep, and he can see the way Felix's face goes lax, how his body moves closer as if on autopilot. Felix lets his hands run down Chris's naked thighs, nails scraping along the way before he places them atop his own thighs, adjusting his posture to sit up a little straighter, which in turn, allows him to take Chris's cock deeper down his throat.

He swears, tugging a little at Felix's hair. Felix moans around his cock, and Chris grips at his strands tighter, using Felix's mouth and moving it up and down, letting his lips and his tongue coax Chris closer and closer to the release he's been after since he set his eyes on Felix all those weeks ago now.

Chris loses himself in it, lets Felix's moans, his sweet little mouth, his tongue, the eager noises he's making as Chris takes what he wants, send him further into the fucked up ongoing fantasy he has in his head.

He wonders how much farther Felix would let him take this, wonders how much control Felix would be willing to give up. Chris wonders what, if anything, Felix would let him do, where he would draw the line.

Felix had been right, before. There is something here between them, but Chris knows his sticky fingers will grasp at straws, reach for and steal every mile available to him even if Felix only meant to give him an inch, but he can't say the same about Felix in turn. He wonders if Felix has thought of him this way. Maybe not in the details, but in the general sense of desire. Chris wonders if Felix is only doing this to appease him, to help him scratch the itch and be done with it. He wonders if the things Felix wanted to do in his kitchen still exist in his mind, or if now, that they're here, that once Felix gets what he wants, he'll leave.

That had been what Chris was after, when his Connection could have just been a random person. When his Connection was meant to be a substitute for his fantasies, and not the actual source of them.

Felix whines, snapping Chris out of his train of thought, and he blinks, staring down at Felix's disgruntled gaze. He pulls off of Chris's cock, taking a shaky breath when he asks, "Is something wrong?"

Chris can only blink some more. "What?"

"What were you just thinking about?" Felix rephrases, bending his head to suckle at Chris's balls.

He blinks up at him expectantly, and Chris swallows past the dryness in his throat. "You," he says honestly.

"What about me?" Felix murmurs, lips pursed against the skin of Chris's thigh. His deep timbre sends goosebumps throughout Chris's body, and Chris has to try very hard not to shiver. "Tell me."

Chris shakes his head. "I can't."

Felix rakes his teeth down on the skin of the inside of Chris's thigh, and Chris hisses, muscles jumping, but makes no attempt to move away. "Why not?"

"You'd want to stop right here," Chris practically chokes out.

Felix smirks, sticking his tongue out and licking a fat stripe up the underside of Chris's cock, suckling on the tip. "Mmm, try me. You might be surprised."

"I want to fuck you," Chris chokes out before he can stop himself. "So badly."

Felix raises a brow at him as he lowers his mouth, taking Chris to the base and holding himself there, eyelashes fluttering once more as his pretty little nose presses against Chris's pubic bone. He swallows around Chris, throat rippling, and Chris groans, panting hard.

"Please," Chris whines, practically begs. He's never been this far gone, this desperate for more from anyone he's ever been intimate with.

It's Felix. He knows. There's something about Felix that's changing every single thing he knows about himself, and he's finding it hard to care.

"Mmm," Felix hums, his eyes slowly opening as he stares up at Chris, watching the way he strains and shakes against the way the noise sends electricity zipping up his spine. Felix pulls off of his cock even slower this time, tongue out, till the head of his cock rests on Felix's pretty pink tongue.

Slowly, and with mirth in his eyes, Felix shakes his head.

Fuck.

One of the main rules of Connections was that if a Connection themselves said no to anything, the client had to obey. Consent is huge, and embedded into every booking detail. Felix knows that. Felix knows that Chris knows that.

Chris fumbles in his brain, trying blindly to grasp onto the reins of control and finding his fingers gripping empty air.

"Felix," Chris breathes, pleads.

"You asked for a blowjob," Felix points out, leaving little kitten licks to his balls. "You clearly wanted me for my mouth, wanted to see how it would feel around you, how you would feel down my throat. Should've booked for more if that's what you wanted."

Chris pushes air through his nose, frustration creeping up his spine. He tightens his grip in Felix's hair, but makes no moves to guide Felix in any way. He watches instead, watches as Felix puts his cock back into his mouth, grinds his little hips onto the pillow in time with each bob of his head.

"You're right. I should have. And I would have, if I would have known it was you."

Felix scoffs. He rests Chris's cock against his cheek, pouting up at him. "You were ready to turn me away when you found out it was me."

Chris shuts his eyes. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. I just — come up here then," Chris offers instead. "Let me kiss you — please, Lix, I just wanna kiss you. Wanna touch you."

Felix takes his cock back into his mouth in answer and sucks harder. Chris gasps, back arching, hips stuttering in response. Felix barely gags as Chris hits the back of his throat, and this time it's Chris who pulls him off.

"Please, Lix," he tries once more, taking in Felix's flushed face, his shiny mouth and chin, the way his tongue licks across his bottom lip, like he's trying to chase after every taste of Chris.

"We have rules," Felix points out. "You know them. You made them."

"I know," Chris nods. "I want to break them."

Felix considers him, and Chris thinks he's just going to tell him no, that he's going to deny him, give him hell for… all of this, really. He takes Chris by surprise when he obliges, rising up onto his knees and pushing his lace panties down, his pretty cock finally springing free. It's small, in comparison to Chris, yet proportionate to Felix's lithe little body, and Chris finds himself unable to look away, even as Felix stands to kick the lace somewhere to the side and climbs into Chris's lap.

The second Felix is settled, in his lap, Chris pulls him closer, lining up their cocks and gripping them both in one of his hands. He's wet enough from Felix's mouth, and Felix is wet enough from all of his arousal, pre-come leaking across the tip, that when Chris twists his wrist the first time, the slide is easy, and they both groan aloud.

Chris seizes Felix's mouth then, using his free hand to cup the side of Felix's neck and pull him closer, his eyes closing against the bliss. Felix makes a surprised noise, but melts into the kiss nonetheless, his little hips thrusting forward, fucking his cock into Chris's hand. He winds his arms around Chris's shoulders, his blunt nails digging into the skin of Chris's back.

Chris feels insane. He's never done this before — the only cock he's ever touched has been his own — and he hopes it feels as good for Felix as it does for himself. The way that every time Felix fucks forward, bumping the head of his cock against Chris's own has Chris breathing hard, his hand speeding up, tightening his grip around the two of them.

Pleased and eager noises spill from Felix's mouth and into Chris's, and he hums deep in his chest, happy that Felix is enjoying himself. Felix grinds his hips forward once more, raising himself up above Chris by just a little, but it's enough that Felix brings a hand forward and rests it against Chris's jaw.

He parts from his mouth for a brief second, and Chris's eyes flutter open, finding Felix already watching him. Felix's pretty lips part, his tongue peeking out over his bottom lip. Chris opens his mouth on autopilot, thinks he goes cross eyed when he watches a line of spit fall from Felix's tongue and onto his own. The second he feels it land, he surges up, sucking on Felix's tongue while he speeds up his hand, stroking them both a little faster.

Felix whines, drool leaking from the corners of his mouth, and Chris releases his tongue in favor of lapping it up, licking at the corners of his mouth before he's kissing Felix once more, the hand on his neck sinking into the hair at Felix's nape and tugging just enough that Felix bares his neck.

Chris doesn't care about the rules at this point. He's not supposed to mark Felix up, but he's going to anyway, and latches his mouth to the spot below Felix's ear, sucking a bruise, raking his teeth against the skin.

Felix keens, pressing his body closer. "Gonna come, Channie."

The nickname send Chris reeling, his grip tightening, and then Felix is gasping, following by a low groan. Chris feels the way his cock throbs, feels Felix come all over his hand, his torso, painting the two of them in his release. It's enough to send Chris speeding towards the edge, coming with a moan as he marks Felix right back, spilling over his hand and Felix's pretty little body.

Chris's body goes lax, all the tension and pent-up frustration finally gone, its catalyst breathing hard from where he still rests atop Chris. Felix eventually brings a hand between them, swiping at the mess on Chris's fingers and slipping it into his mouth. Chris watches him through heavy lidded eyes, a flare of pride swelling in his chest when he sees the way Felix's eyes close in satisfaction.

Felix swipes his finger through the mess again, this time bringing it to Chris's mouth. He's watching Chris, curious, clearly waiting to see if this is what Chris will deem 'too much,' but Chris simply opens his mouth, lets Felix rest his finger on his tongue and closes his mouth around the digit, sucking gently.

Felix's pupils blow out wide, and when Chris releases him, he dives forward, kissing Chris with renewed enthusiasm. Chris is content to let Felix lead here, to let himself be kissed until Felix has had enough, and cuddles close.

For a moment, in the afterglow, everything is perfect. He has a lap full of pretty little angel, cuddled close to Chris's naked chest, his heart pounds with relief and disbelief, his stomach is tacky with their come, and the taste of them lingers on Chris's lips.

And then, Felix sighs.

All at once, the moment is shattered. Felix sits up and gingerly climbs out of Chris's lap, reaching for his robe on the bed and shrugs it on. Chris frowns.

This is usually how it goes. Once their job is done, the Connections leave. Chris knows that. He's done this enough times to know that this is routine. They ask, 'is there anything else you need?' and when Chris tells them 'no,' they say, 'thank you, hope we get the chance to reconnect soon,' and Chris will nod and say 'sure,' even though he never sees the same Connection twice.

So then…why does the sight of Felix readying himself to leave begin to sting?

Before Felix can even begin to ask his question, Chris sits up and says, "Can I see you again?"

Felix secures the sash of the robe around his waist before turning to look at him, a perfect brow raised in question, tension lining his shoulders. "I'm assuming you mean here, and not back at home."

"I mean both," Chris says softly. He stands and moves closer to Felix, resting a hand on his arm. "I can… I can make another appointment. If that's how you'd rather do it. If it's more comfortable for you."

"I think the question is if it's more comfortable for you," Felix points out, giving Chris a knowing look. His brows are furrowed and his mouth is turned down into a pout, and guilt surges in Chris's heart.

He reaches out with his free hand, running a thumb over Felix's bottom lip. "Whatever is comfortable for you is plenty comfortable for me."

Felix considers him for a second.

"If I say yes," he begins, eyes on Chris's face. "Will you turn me away again?"

"No," Chris says automatically. "That was — that was before."

"Before today." Felix nods. "And now?"

"Now it's different," Chris insists, because it is. "I won't turn you away again. Not like that, not at all."

Felix is quiet. His eyes never leave Chris, watching him, waiting. Chris isn't sure what for. It would be within Felix's right to say no, given everything — Chris turning him away, his first time being intimate with a man being today, with Felix. Chris also isn't an ideal person for this, for Felix, and he doesn't do things like this more than once with the same person. Felix knows that, probably having read Chris's client profile — but he still hopes Felix will say yes anyway.

Always the smart one of the two of them, he sees the moment Felix comes to that same realization.

"Itch not scratched, then?" Felix asks in lieu of an answer, reaching for his lace panties and where they rest on the floor.

Chris laughs, a bit self-deprecating and a bit delirious. "What do you think?"

Felix is quiet for another moment, but he eventually exhales a breath through his nose, tension bleeding from him slowly. "I fly home, tomorrow. I flew here for this — your appointment."

Chris tries to not let that go to his head.

"I'm here for the rest of the week for work," Chris explains. "But I'll be back at the end of it."

Felix nods. "Okay. Well, you know where I live."

"I do," Chris nods. "When I land, I'll go straight to you."

Felix looks like he doesn't quite believe Chris all the way, but he still nods. Chris squeezes where he's still touching Felix's arm, and takes a step back.

"Do you, uh, do you want to clean up in here?" Chris asks, gesturing toward the shower. "I have an extra change of clothes, if you need them."

Felix gives him a half smile. "It's fine. The bathrooms in the changing areas downstairs are much nicer than the ones up here. I appreciate the offer, though."

Chris gets closer, trailing his hand higher to cup Felix's face in his palm. "Then…I'll see you at home?"

Felix nods. "I'll see you at home."

+

The moment that Chan lands back in Sydney, he sends a text to Felix.

me

are you busy right now

felix

no

are you back?

me

i am

i was hoping i could take you out to dinner? maybe drinks?

felix

….like a date?

me

yes

exactly that

will you go on a date with me?

felix

well

you know where i live

me

i do

i'll be outside your front door in an hour

dress comfortably

felix

okay

:)

Chris drives home faster than he ever has in his life. He makes it back with enough time to stop at the store for flowers, then heads home to shower and change. By the time he's standing outside of Felix's front door, the itch he thought he scratched is back completely. He finds himself fidgeting even after he rings Felix's doorbell, his palms sweating while he waits.

Felix opens the door and blinks in surprise. Chris blinks in surprise right back.

Felix is just as beautiful as he was when Chris last saw him. He's in a loose white linen blouse and light jeans, his hair half tied up in a bun, the rest down, and his bangs frame his face. He's gotten some sun in the week that they've been apart, his freckles more pronounced, his skin golden and beautiful.

He looks like honey. Chris wants another taste so badly.

Chris feels completely plain in comparison. They're technically matching — Chris is wearing the same color of light wash jeans, wearing a plain white button up with nothing underneath, and to outsiders, they'll probably look like a couple, which does funny things to Chris's brain — but Felix is so much more. He's too ethereal, really.

Chris is punching above his weight.

"Oh," Felix muses softly, his eyes falling to the roses in Chris's hands. He got red ones — yellow felt like an understatement, white would have been a total lie — as bright as he could find them, and they bring a faint pink color to Felix's cheeks. "Are those for me?"

"Of course they are," Chris smiles gently, holding them out. "I hope you like them."

A shy smile blooms on Felix's face. "I love them. They're beautiful, Channie. Thank you. Come in — let me put these in a vase really quickly, and we can go."

Chris follows Felix inside, shutting the door behind him and toeing off his sneakers. He trails after Felix into the kitchen, watches as he fills the vase with water and removes the roses from their wrapping, carefully separating them. Felix is intentional and meticulous, even in this, cutting an inch off the bottom of each stem before placing them into the vase, arranging them to his liking before he sets them on the window's ledge above his kitchen sink.

He approaches Felix from behind as he's washing his hands. Felix's eyes are on the roses, so he doesn't know Chris is there until his arms are wrapping around Felix's waist.

Chris hopes he can't feel the way his hands are shaking as he does it. He's never done this before, either. It makes him nervous — Felix makes him nervous.

Felix jumps a little at his touch, but relaxes into it a second later, his body resting back against Chris's.

"This feels like an apology, of sorts," Felix teases. There's a serious edge to his voice, anyway, and though it hurts, Chris can't deny that it's misplaced.

"Maybe it is." Chris nods, resting his chin on Felix's shoulder. "I do have a lot to apologize for. I'll probably have more to apologize for eventually, too."

"What are you sorry for right now?" Felix asks, turning the faucet off. He rests his wrists on the rim of the sink, and Chris reaches for the kitchen towel.

He considers his words carefully as he dries Felix's hands for him, too embarrassed to look at Felix when he admits, "For probably fucking this up before it can even start."

"I thought your appointment went pretty well, actually," Felix says. There's no mirth in his voice, no teasing. He sounds encouraging, if anything, which somehow makes Chris feel worse.

"Did it?" Chan half-laughs, half-scoffs.

"I had fun," Felix says quietly. "Looked like you did, too, if you're standing here right now."

"The reason I'm standing here right now and the reason I scheduled that appointment in the first place are the same," Chris confesses. He puts the kitchen towel down on the counter beside him, placing his hands on Felix's hips and carefully turning him around so they're face to face.

"Which is?" Felix asks. His eyes are on Chris's lips, not his face, and as endearing as Chris finds that to be, he puts a finger under Felix's chin and tilts his head up.

He regrets it, slightly, when he's staring into Felix's eyes and he feels his heart begin to beat uncontrollably, his confidence wavering. "You, Felix. It's because of you."

"You seemed upset by that last time, though," Felix points out.

Chris nods. He can't lie to him. "I was a little upset, but not… not at you."

"At… yourself?"

"At a lot of things. It's… complicated." Chris sighs.

"Because you've never been with a guy before," Felix guesses. Chris tries hard not to flinch, the truth too harsh, but it's not like it was Felix's intention to hurt him. "It's — that's okay, Chris. You have to know it's okay, right?"

"I know it is," he nods, his brow furrowing. "Felix — I know it's okay. I would never say that it wasn't, for myself or for anyone. It's just different, for me."

Felix searches his eyes. "You said — you said it's just me, yeah? That you wanted me."

"I want you. Present tense."

"Well, would it help if I said you can have me?" The corner of Felix's mouth quirks up in a small smile. "That I wouldn't mind it if you wanted to be with me?"

Chris's heart runs head first into his ribcage.

It helps. It helps plenty, because Chris wants Felix more than he's ever wanted anything in his life. He just… he doesn't know if he can do it. If he'd even be good enough to Felix, if he would deserve him. Felix deserves the universe, intact and wondrous, not whatever jumbled up version Chris may give him as a result of his inexperience, his overthinking and breakdowns and inevitable crisis he may have about trying to be enough for someone as divine as Felix.

Felix misunderstands his silence, pulling back from Chris as much as he can in the tight space to look at him. "Unless. Is it… do you not like me? Beyond that?"

It hurt Chris, the way Felix suddenly sounds so insecure as he asks.

"I do like you, Felix," Chris confesses, pulling him back, closing the distance. "I'm very attracted to you, and I would very much like to be with you."

"Then…" Felix's eyes search his face. "Why not? What's wrong?"

"I'm not…" Chris wasn't sure what to say. Gay? That part clearly wasn't entirely true, so he settled for something that was. "I might not be good for you."

"You're perfect as you are."

"I don't think I'm good for you," he corrects. "I don't — I don't know that I can be good to you. I want to try. I want to try so badly, but I'm definitely going to mess this up, and I don't want to put you through that. Not when there's probably someone out there who can be better to you, be better for you."

"Why not? Why do you get to decide that?"

"Felix. You're just so — You're so pretty," Chris murmured, reaching out to touch him, caressing Felix's face. "You're so pretty, and sweet, and kind. You're like a doll, Lix. A pretty doll."

Felix blinks at him, those round eyes as shiny as a tiger's eye gem, and his mouth parts. "Could be your doll," he offers, just as soft. "If you wanted."

Chris does want. He wants so badly, more than anything.

"You deserve better than me," Chris says instead, trying to convince him. "You deserve better than what I have to offer."

"You don't even know what I'm willing to accept," Felix counters almost immediately, bringing his face closer. "You're making decisions for me, and they're not even the right ones."

"What would be the right decisions then?" Chris bends his head, their lips just ghosting over one another's. "What would you like me to decide for us?"

"For me," Felix clarifies.

Chris blinks slowly. "For you, then."

There was a moment of hesitation in Felix's gaze, uncertain as he examines Chris. He keeps his expression open and honest, transparent in his willingness to do whatever Felix asked of him.

He knows it works when Felix inhales, albeit a bit shakily, then says, "How you'd like to use me."

Chris felt the control slip into his fingers just as Felix presses a soft kiss to his lips, then to the corner of his mouth, his jaw. "Use you." He parrots.

"Me," Felix nods, trailing his mouth to Chris's cheekbone. "My mouth. My hands. My body. However you'd like."

"Felix."

"It's not all that different to being your Connection," Felix insists, pulling back to look him in the eye. "It's the same, really, except it's just me, and you don't have to book through the club. You can just… come to me. Tell me what you want from me, how you want me. We can start there. Start with tonight. You've already gotten me roses. Maybe tonight is another Connection, off the books. Dinner and drinks, and maybe something more after, if you're lucky."

Chris takes a deep breath. He wants that. He wants that so badly. He can do that. He can do that with and for Felix. "You're talking about dating. Dating beyond tonight. You want that?"

"Wasn't that your goal?" Felix teases, but there's hope in his voice. "You said you'd end up apologizing more eventually. It sounded like you meant more than just tonight."

"Because I want more than just tonight. I want more than just… making appointments with you. And I don't know if that's fair for me to want from you," Chris admits, taking Felix's hand in his.

"Again," Felix frowns. "Why do you get to decide that? We haven't even gone on this date, Channie."

"I just want you to know what you're getting into." Chris holds his hand tighter. "I don't…I feel like if we start, I can't stop. I feel like if you say yes, there's no stopping for me."

"Maybe there's no stopping for me, either," Felix smiles.

Chris searches his eyes. He's scared, and Felix is too, but where Chris is afraid, Felix is excited. He's clearly excited, clearly wants to try.

And Chris… he can try. He can try to be what Felix wants. He'll try his damnedest.

"Okay," Chris says softly. He leans forward, kissing Felix just as soft, just as sweet. "Okay, doll."

Felix blinks. "Okay?"

"Yeah baby," Chris squeezes his hand. "Okay. Let's go. I promised you dinner first, didn't I?"

Felix smiles. It feels a lot like fate.