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Peter opened a window to let a cool draft in, he hoped the scents of the city would offer more variety and overpower the rancid smell of tobacco ash that stained and infested the apartment complex he shared with his wife.
He turned around, looking at Mary Jane with accusatory, but understanding eyes.
“I’ll stop. I can’t guarantee how long, but for now I’m pumping the breaks ‘till we sort this out” he said.
Mary Jane tugged at her right arm tensely, sheepishly looking past Peter, unable to match his gaze out of shame.
“It has nothing to do with what you do, it’s not the only reason” she said.
Peter tapped his fingers lightly on the sofa; he picked up the carton of cigarettes, walked over to the open window and contemplated tossing them out into the streets below.
He was compelled to keep them where they were, he had to uncover the why of it all.
“Why then? You said you’d quit, why drag all this back up again? You saw what happened to Nick Katzenberg” Peter replied.
“I know, it’s just like any habit, hard to break” MJ replied.
“If I’m not the reason, then what on earth compels you to keep doing this to yourself?” said Peter.
“Gwen” Mary Jane replied.
Peter gasped.
Mary Jane walked over to a nearby dresser and gazed at a photograph of herself, Gwen, Peter, Harry and Flash from their college days.
“I can’t help it, I look back on how we all were, all over each other like lions in heat, feeling out life, finding a place to call destiny, if only we knew Peter, if only I knew, that I was pulling Gwen towards hers”
Peter grasped what she meant all too clearly, he wished he wasn’t such a good guesser.
“You blame yourself don’t you? We were together in college before I chose Gwen, you….took a modelling gig and had to travel, you thought I needed to work out what love actually meant, you broke up with me…”
“I saw how torn you were Pete” said Mary Jane, “It couldn’t have been easy finding something to centre you at that age, but you were far too comfortable when everyone else had it so hard, I-I envied that about you, I wanted you to share it with me and only me, but you gave so much of your love and your pride to everyone, Gwen included. I couldn’t bear to see what would become of you or I if I let it continue. I knew how dangerous that kind of love can be Peter; it’s what tore my family apart”
Peter walked over to MJ and clasped her face gently, her tears dampening the gloves of his costume.
“It could have been me that died Peter, had I stayed, maybe if I had, you and Gwen would have had the chance to be happy, if she’d been there like I was for you, but I pushed you towards her, and in doing so, I sealed her fate”
Peter, now shedding his own tears, held MJ firmly.
“When you came back" he began, "I…had a picture of you, on the surface all seemed well, everything was smiles, everything seemed fine, but there was that part of me that didn’t forget that letter, and it made me think awful things MJ, it gave me the wrong kind of picture, and it’s only when Gwen died and I saw you at that apartment that I let my pride overtake both my heart and my head, I was so cruel to you in that briefest of time and I swore I’d never let myself feel that way towards you again…because I look back on that time with Gwen and I realize how much stronger a person I had become…all because you knew when to let go, you taught me responsibility of the heart, you changed me…for the better”
Mary Jane smiled, she held Peter tightly.
“We ought to have had this all figured out by now” she whispered.
“The day that happens, then life is truly over” Peter replied.