Work Text:
Ring ring ring. The alarm rings loudly in the morning time.
"I hate Mondays," y/n says "I nothing terrible and crazy happens to me today."
Y/n rubs her eyes and turns off her alarm on her phone. She gets distracted and enjoys silly cat videos, gay men podcasts and jumpsuit british mullet disco man singing videos.
"Get down here right now child!"
Y/ns mother is evil and rude and if given the opportunity y/n knows she would even sell her to a group of essentially strangers for a big wad of cash if the situation ever arose. She posted those exact words on her facebook 'I hate my child' account. Y/N takes a deep breathe and reminds herself that those are silly hyperbolic hypothetical theatrical insensible thoughts. She knows she needs to get her shit together before greeting her bad evil mother.
Y/N throws her long silky chestnut brown locks into an effortless messy bun, tugs on her school uniform (socks first) and applies light mascara and slicks down her baby hairs and before that she brushed her hair and her teeth. Also, last night she had a shower before bed and she wore a shower cap.
She makes her way down the stairs and comes to halt with a gasp.
"Holy fuck jesus christ shit what is going on this cannot be real shit shit shit." Y/N says calmly outloud.
Four sexy tall handsome guys who are comfortable in their femininity and masculinity stand in the hallway blocking the door. They all have their arms crossed and stand in pairs shoulder to shoulder.
She looks each guy up and down taking in their beauty.
"Smash." She says with incomprehensible levels of rizz.
They all stare back vaguely amused but ultimately so very nonchalent.
Y/ns mother grabs y/n and forces her to sit. She grabs her face roughly and whispers into her ear.
"These young gay men found you online via my facebook account where I post daily about how much I hate you and they want to take you away." She spits.
Y/Ns eyed widen in shock and she turns to the four guys.
"It is true. We want you to come with us on our combined Harry, Louis Dan and Phil World Tour 2026 (TM)." The one in the jumpsuit says britishly, having eavesdropped. "Also, I'm Harry Styles."
The other three nod nonchalently.
Y/N whips her head back and forth between her evil bad mum and the sexy men wanting to whisk her away.
"OK. I will come with you."
Her mum laughs and begins to pull up her iPhone 17 pro and enters her password 676767 with her fingers before tapping the Westpac all icon to open up hee Westpac app preparing her account details for the money transfer (again with her fingers) but one of the very tall guys slaps her phone on the floor. It doesn't dent or scratch because she bought a case and a screen protector. She also bought a hydroflask that day because they were on sale.
"We will not buy your daughter like she is some object what the fuck woman." He says feministly.
He turns to you and says "My name is Phil and I am in a long term relationship with this man." he points at the other very tall guy.
"We want to free you from your evil bad mother. Come now we must go the chariot awaits!" The one next to Harry Styles screams.
Y/n holds hands with Harry and Phil as they lead her to their golden carriage. She smiles widely as they begin to sing.
"We are going up up up its our moment!" She joins in.
They continue singing as the carriage takes off and flys up and up and up.
Also her mother dies the next day. She tragically fell down the stairs out the door onto ongoing traffic and then gets hits by a car with a bomb inside. She suffers in the hospital barely breathing and dies the next day due to anaphylactic shock after eating Peppero because all Peppero has peanuts in it. I didn't know that.