Chapter Text
The arena was packed. Maple Leafs and hockey fans alike were crammed into the arena seats tighter than sardines. The tide of cheers rose and fell with each strike of the puck, each steal, every collision. Click, swish. A small black dot gliding between the blues of the players and across the white of the ice. The energy of the crowd bounced from fan to fan, reaching the seats of Matt and Jay. The duo was decked out in Maple Leafs gear, posers pretending for their plan. Their cheers were empty, a performance like the ones they always dreamed of. Neither of them knew what was going on, but this was the way the Rivoli was going to let them play.
The pair smelled faintly of burgers, the smell masked by the sting of the cold air and any concessions that roamed the aisles. Daggers of flavor dug into their nostrils, coated with the taste of hot dogs and poutine. Yet Matt continued to bite into his Donnie burger, ignoring the foods of the arena as Jay sat next to him, mildly embarrassed. Every time he looked over Matt would be scarfing down his burger, almost desperately so. Either the burger was that good or he was just really hungry. Whenever he returned his gaze to the rink and the jumbotron that dauntingly hung above it, it reminded him of what they were there for.
A promotional stunt. A promotional kiss. A performance.
It wasn’t like it was the craziest thing they had done, nor would the list of things stop here, but kissing live in front of a crowd of thousands was one of the last things Jay expected to come from Matt, especially as a Rivoli plan. He couldn’t tell if he was desperate or stooping to some sort of lower level. He looked over at the burger box in Matt’s lap, fragments of bread, lettuce and meat populating its insides. He was a bit worried since he had been eating the burgers almost nonstop since they arrived.
“Look at this! You’re leaving crumbs everywhere–”
“Don’t show that!” Matt grabbed the box and snuck a smug grin over to Jared, seated only a chair over from the pair. A female voice then broke from the heavens:
“And now, it’s time for the kiss cam!”
Another wave of cheers from the crowd. Matt and Jay joined them in celebrating one of the night’s highlights. It was what they came for, wasn’t it?
The jumbotron showcased each couple, all of them so clearly in love and flustered as their giant doppelgangers kissed and laughed. Jay watched as each couple embraced each other while Matt went about horking down his last burger. He sat and stared with a small grin, a happiness for these lovestruck strangers in a space that he found himself occasionally dreaming of. It was the kind of thing that would leak out of his fingers whenever he played the piano, a tenderness and longing that he couldn’t tap into willingly. It would come about in some of the smaller hours of the night, when the cameras were off and Matt was snoring away. The occasional restless night when he was too pumped up by the events of the day to fall asleep. To him, the songs that came from these sessions were like personal lullabies, enough so that he found himself falling asleep at the piano once or twice. They weren’t easy to catch or replicate, no matter how bad he wanted to.
He felt a jab at his side, snapping out of his trance as Matt proceeded to wipe his mouth with his sleeve, leaving a dark, skidmark stain on his jersey.
“Are you ready for this kiss?” Matt excitedly inquired as he brushed off any crumbs. He seemed to be too excited for Jay’s liking. He shifted around in his seat, trying to get comfortable. The jumbotron could turn to them at any second.
“Well… I’m still a little nervous about this plan, Matt.” He kept glancing at that screen.
“Bird, everything’s gonna go great,” his arm went around Jay in a gesture he thought would be reassuring. “We’ll get on the news, we’ll get this show, and we’ll be so famous we won’t have to do this again.”
Jay shook himself free from the arm, lightly enough so Matt got the hint. He retracted his arm and Jay went back to giving his undivided attention to the jumbotron. His stomach was doing flips, the butterflies in his gut dizzying themselves after each rotation. He wasn’t feeling so hot, but he wasn’t about to admit that to Matt. How much longer were these couples going to go–
“Jay! Jay, we’re on!” Before he knew it, he was looking at his own giant reflection, his shock magnified in front of hundreds. Any thoughts the musician had were cut short, the fuse in his mind going off as he processed what exactly he was looking at– and what he had to do next. The crowd cheered and raised their voices in support, the attendees near the pair especially vocal in their encouragement. Not so difficult for them to connect the dots for the kiss cam.
Jay couldn’t help but look around for a moment, to make sure it wasn’t some other couple that had shown up on the ‘tron. The flips in his stomach evolved into loop-de-loops as the butterflies became tornados. He felt a sense of dizziness, neutralized by the feeling of Matt’s hands on his face. He was very close and almost too excited for Jay’s taste.
“You ready?” It was probably the most excited Jay had seen him yet, too overwhelmed by the moment to give him a straight answer. Jay flexed his hands, unsure what to do or where to put them. They were slick– had he been sweating before? Was it on his face? Could everybody in the room see it? Was it dizzy in here?
“Matt, I don’t know if–”
The arena went dark. Everything above the neck was warm. It was like waking up under a blanket, a toastiness on his cheeks as the hurricane below stormed on. He focused on that heat, feeling it spread from the center out. It reached the tips of his ears, the roar of the crowd spiraling and echoing into his mind. He felt the dry hands that cupped his face move slowly over his ears, an attempt to block out the noise of the crowd around them. Thumbs traced the tips of his ears, slowly following the curve down to their base. There was a slight choke at initiation, a sort of force coming in that made breathing tricky. Chests heaving, breathing heavy, hearts climbing up their throats as their lips tried to work out a dance. Jay’s hands fumbled around, trying to find a place to land. Whenever he made even the slightest retreat, Matt would push forward, coming back with more feeling in his hands and lips. Jay couldn’t discern what that feeling was, but somehow, it felt familiar. It went beyond the meaty taste of the burger that lingered after contact; it felt awkwardly inward.
Jay’s eyes remained closed, honed in on the spit they shared. He felt something else, something digging around…
Was that…Tongue?
Like being pulled back by a chain, the feeling was gone. The rush of cheers re-entered as the hands sharply pulled away from his face, the muffled sounds coming into sharp focus. It hit him like a car crash, the cries of hundreds overriding his hearing. His eyes opened to Matt already standing and facing the crowd, jumping like a kid on his birthday. The storm that had been brewing was starting to make its way upwards, heart still caught in his throat with no way down. It was like a dam about to burst, a waviness hitting the edges of his sight. He weakly reached out for Matt.
His voice had shrunk, picked up only by the microphone. He cradled his gut with one arm, held on to the chair with the other. “Hey Matt, I don’t feel so…”
Matt was too preoccupied with crying wolf and telling everybody that Nirvanna the Band was going to play at the Rivoli that he didn’t realize his best friend had puked right next to him. It wasn’t until the cool, cement floor he was standing on melted away into something warm. He concentrated on the sudden change from cold to warm, turning around to see Jay doubled over and trying to clean himself up. Anybody close to the splash zone stood up and stepped away.
“Bird, what the fuck happened?”
Jay felt too weak to answer.
“Don’t answer that,” Matt looked around and laughed awkwardly. “It’s alright everyone, my, um, boyfriend, appears to have had a bit too much to drink before the game.”
There he went. Lying oh so effortlessly. Jay put his head in his hands, closing his eyes to block out the light. Matt tried crouching to get to his level, distancing himself enough so the putrid stink of vomit wouldn’t strike him as hard. He could see the shrunken man shaking ever so slightly. It took every fiber of his being to not hold and cradle the pianist.
“Jay, we gotta get out of here. Security’s gonna come over and ask us what the fuck we’re doing. Do you think you can stand?”
A wordless nod.
“Great, um… So just swing your arm around me and we’ll walk out of here, alright?” Matt signaled Jared to start making his way out of the crowd, to clear a path so they could get out quickly. Jay’s hands slipped away from his face, eyes still closed, one of his arms now thrown across Matt’s shoulders. Once on both feet, he shuffled through his lost lunch, across the cement floors, down the stairs and out the arena entrance.
He kept his head down for most of the walk, getting by on shaky legs and puke-scented shoes. He struggled to keep up with Matt, who was practically dragging him along as he speed-walked out of the stadium. The man would look around in a way he thought was inconspicuous, but to Jared’s trained eye, it was far from what he pictured. Almost everybody they passed by in the cold, gray halls was greeted with Matt’s signature “Hi, how you doing?”
The man is about as sneaky as a brick.
Once the group made their way outdoors, Matt let go of Jay, taking a few steps ahead while Jay dropped his hands to his knees. He was hunched over once again, taking deep breaths in and out. The winds blew each exhale back into his face, fighting the urge to spill more chunks.
Matt turned around, arms extended like Jay was contagious.”Jay? Are you okay man?”
“Yeah,” replied Jay. “I just… needed some fresh air.”
“What the fuck happened in there? The players were supposed to puke, not you!”
“It was because of your burgers, Matt! They got to me!”
“Got to you how?! It’s not like I was feeding you with that stupid kiss!”
Maybe not, but he was certainly being fed something else.
Jay sighed and straightened up. He wasn’t feeling as sickly as before. Any movements he had left in him came off as nothing but shudders down his spine. He stared Matt in the eye, who still had his arms out between them.
“Put your arms down. I’m fine.”
Matt hesitated at first, but he obeyed and let his arms rest at his sides. He approached Jay like he was a creature on the hunt, carefully coming over to his side. A smirk crossed Jay’s face as he watched the man move. Once again his arm went around Jay, the pair making their way back home. Jared trailed behind, focused on Jay. He seemed to be preoccupied with something– while Matt rambled on and on about what they could expect, Jay was too busy toying with his mouth. His tongue ran along his teeth, the skin popping out above his chin as he traced what had been marked. When Matt wasn’t looking, he’d raise his hand up to his lips, his index finger lightly tracing along as if they were in sand. He seemed too lost in thought to consider the cameraman recording his inquisitive movements.
Upon re-entering the house, Matt immediately began stripping himself of his Maple Leafs memorabilia, climbing up to the top bunk while throwing down the rest of his clothes. Jay strolled behind, taking off his jersey and tossing it on top of Matt’s own garments.
“You excited for tomorrow?” chirped Matt from above.
“What’s supposed to happen tomorrow?”
“Weren’t you listening, Bird? We’re gonna get a call from the news station and they’re gonna tell us, ‘Hey, we saw your kiss at the game last night and thought it was really brave, do you want to talk about it on live TV?’ and we’ll be like, ‘Yes, of course! Can we also talk about our band?’ and they’ll say ‘Why, of course you can!’ and then we’ll go on and say it was a promotional stunt and the Rivoli will finally let us play! It’s like a uh, what’s-it-called? Domino effect?” He leaned over and pointed to his clothes on the couch. “Can you pass me my pj’s?”
Jay walked over and tossed the bundle to Matt, who put them on from his top bunk perch. “How much do you think they’re gonna ask us about the kiss?”
“Uhh… I don’t know, two questions? They’re gonna learn it was a stunt anyway, man.”
“Don’t you think they’re gonna want to know why, though?”
“Why what? Why we kissed?” Matt went quiet for a moment as he put on his clothes, half his body leaning off the bunk once he had everything on. He looked over to Jay, who was standing over the table and giving him that incredulous stare he so often threw his way. “Aren’t you listening, Bird? It’s a stunt. A stunt. That’s what we’re gonna tell them. What’s not getting in your head?”
Jay went back over to the beds and sat on the bottom bunk, grabbing his own pajamas that were balled up at the foot. He changed and laid back in bed, staring at the boards above.
“What if they don’t call us?”
“They’re gonna call us, man! Stop worrying about the fucking plan and go to sleep, okay?”
Jay lay in silence only to hear Matt’s snores cutting through the dark minutes later. He kept replaying the events in his mind– the taste, the feeling, the moment. Every time he shut his eyes he was back in the arena, cheers muffled and lights peeking through his eyelids. He rolled out from underneath and stood to face the snoring beast above.
There wasn’t much to appreciate in the dark– if there was anything at all– but he couldn’t help himself from staring at the man who had kissed him only hours ago. There was more to it than Matt was letting on. If there was one thing Jay knew, it was feeling. It ran through his system, made his fingers twitch, a special kind of hunger that flooded his mind. It was here now, something akin to a sixth sense that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand straight. His hands started dancing to an imaginary medley, practically prancing. He looked over to the piano, his home within home.
All he could do was stare at it, the keys near indistinguishable from one another in blackness, but it became an orchestra sitting at the ready once he sat down. His hands flew across each key, searching for a starting point.
A claw came crashing down on his left, a deep, angry growl emanating from deep within the piano. It reverberated around the room, emotion defining the sound. Matt didn’t even stir. Jay was lucky to be with such a heavy sleeper. He bounced from note to note, dragging out each key he pressed. He slammed on the pedals harder than a runaway driver at a red light, an anger and confusion fueling his playing. There was something burning within him, something he felt blooming from his chest, an explosion of warmth and seething hatred swirling from his center. It twisted and claimed his heart as a flurry of notes spread across the room like a sea of locusts, nothing but pure distaste and bafflement making their way to his head. He made his way up the piano, trying to pull himself out of this pit of scorn and befuddlement. A weight started to lift, like a load being taken off his chest, and he could feel himself loosening up with every upward note– only for it all to come crashing down on him again, throwing him back into that perpetual state of confusion. This was going nowhere. The release he anticipated refused to meet him where he wanted. The one night he sought out escape instead of late-night inspiration just had to be the night almost everything goes right. He didn’t care that his playing grew more erratic and broken. He didn’t care that his frustration got the best of him and he started to strike the piano with open hands, black keys fighting against his palms and leaving nothing but aches.
There the musician sat, foot on the echo pedal, propped up on his elbows, head in his hands. The discordant chords settled around the room like dust, brokenness seeping into the cracks and in the walls that surrounded them. A creaking from behind caused him to turn around. Jared’s figure was just visible at the top of the stairs.
“Jay?” He asked. “Are you okay?”
“How long were you up there?” Jay’s question came out quickly, on the verge of tripping over himself.
“Just got here,” came the voice from the dark, “your playing woke me up. You okay, man? It sounded pretty harsh.”
“Um… I’m fine. It’s nothing. Just… trying something out for Matt. I’m done anyway, so just go back to sleep.”
Jared gave a small nod, giving a half-hearted wave and heading back upstairs. Jay rubbed his eyes and headed back over to his spot on the bunk, laying there and listening to Matt’s snores once more.