Chapter Text
Sometimes, Po felt the urge to go back in time. He wanted to bang his head against the wall until he forgot he ever met Thame Teema; he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs that he never missed him. The truth was, throughout their entire relationship, he had always done everything alone. He felt lonely, working hard for that union without any help. But he was only 14 or 15 at the time... what would that change?
They didn't have a solid foundation. Po didn't have the freedom to go out and rarely stayed home during holidays, as he was always traveling to the countryside cottage with his parents and siblings. Deep down, he missed his Teema—that sweet, playful Thame, who would hug him and kiss his forehead every time they said goodbye.
But now, at 22, Po was ready to forget everything. He wanted to leave behind what happened back then to finally live in the present. The problem was that Thame seemed far too confident in saying it "would never work." Po could count on his fingers the times Thame looked deep into his eyes and said, "Let's make this work."
In fact, he’d run out of fingers. Thame never said those words to him.
Po would try everything. If Thame could, he would give Jupiter itself to the person he was dating. But when it came to Po, Thame's tone changed: "This isn't going to work."
What still haunted him, however, were Jun's words. Jun's drunken words while looking passionately at his friend Dylan: "You are the love OF his life, Po. Anything can happen, we could be talking about any subject, but he will always ask about you: 'And Po? How is he?' You will always be the love of his life, no matter what happens. My advice is: send a message. Not today, not now, but some time from now. Call him to talk and say: 'I'm willing to do this. Just forget the past. Let's live for now, 2036. Forget 2027, we are living from now on.'"
Po still relived old hurts that seemed never to heal. Thame had them too, of course; Po understood he had messed up by hooking up with Thame's best friend at the time, but honestly, who cared? What were Po's mistakes compared to Thame's behavior?
Whenever he could, Thame exposed Po's insecurities in front of everyone. He made jokes about the shape of his feet being "strange," spoke ill of his personal tastes with disdain, and ridiculed him in front of friends just to feel superior, to inflate his own ego.
Po remembered all the times the group gathered: him, Dylan, and Jun. In theory, they were a quartet; but over time, Po realized the cruel reality. They were, in fact, a trio—a closed circle where Po was merely a guest, featuring the "co-participation" of his own boyfriend, Thame. He was there, but he never truly belonged.
Sometimes, he felt a desperate desire for Dylan to realize how much Thame had hurt him. He wanted Dylan to see that the wounds from ten years ago were still open, throbbing. Po was always there, steady, regardless of what happened or didn't happen, but the burden was too heavy.
Now, at 22, he felt too old to even think about going back or trying to do something different. Emotional fatigue was aging him. He wanted to move on, but it seemed impossible when the world around him conspired against his forgetting.
Even if everyone and everything insisted the two would get back together; even if the general consensus was that the love of Thame's life was Po—and always would be—Po just wanted peace. It was exhausting being the "eternal love" of someone who spent years belittling his tastes and making him feel like an extra in his own life.
But maybe, now, it could be different. (Spoiler: it won't).
Po didn't trust Thame. He didn't trust his kindness. To him, Thame would always be a mean and selfish person; while to the rest of the world, he would always project the image of someone good.
The last time they saw each other and talked like two normal people, Po tried to ignore his face. He knew Thame wouldn't stay; he knew he was temporary. But even with all the mental warnings, when Thame left, it hurt. It hurt more than if he had simply ignored Po's existence from the start.
Thame approached again, making Po's days full of his presence. They played together, talked for hours. Po spent nights watching Thame play via video call; he even reached the point of learning the mechanics of a game before Thame just to be ready to help him with the puzzles. Po gave of himself, studied, and made himself present.
All of this just for Thame to leave in the end. Exactly as he always does.
Maybe, in some universe, "ThamePo" really existed. Maybe, somewhere, Thame chose Po even before being chosen.
Po still blamed himself for actions that, today, wouldn't change anything in his life. What hurt most was knowing that everything Thame had done and said about him was simply forgotten by people. No one remembered the humiliations, but no one forgot that Po had been with Thame's best friend at the time—Earn.
At 14, Po had already heard enough insults to last a lifetime. He had already been ignored, excluded, and forgotten by the one he called the "love of his life." He still remembered Thame's ironic words suggesting he was cheating on him with Jun, and that Jun, in turn, was cheating on Dylan with him.
That day, Po lost his sanity inside. He felt a violent urge to react, to hit Thame and throw his body into the park lake. But in reality, he just smiled, turned his back, and walked away.
Or, at least, that's what he wished he had done: to have walked away the exact moment words started to hurt; when Thame proved capable of saying Po would betray the person he had lived with longer than his own siblings.
He wanted to have done that. He wanted to have done everything to destroy Thame’s reputation, so everyone would see who he really was, but he just let it be. There was something bigger holding him back: Po genuinely liked Thame's family.
They were practically raised together. Thame's mother was one of his grandmother's best friends; the two were inseparable. This proximity turned the two families into one, creating a web of memories Po couldn't escape. There were photos of him everywhere: in Thame's family albums, in birthday records, in every important celebration...
Po wasn't just a boyfriend; he was part of their history. And destroying Thame would mean, in a way, setting fire to his own past and hurting the people who saw him grow up.
Thame, for his part, was the favorite of Po's mother and grandmother. If it were up to them, the two would have married as soon as they turned twenty. But Po was on a different wavelength: he avoided every place Thame might be. Thame seemed to respect that space, but he never stopped hovering. He asked about Po at every opportunity he had. It seemed he only looked for Jun and Dylan to check if Po was still alive, if his heart was still beating—almost as if he nurtured the morbid expectation that, without him, Po would have already lost his life.
That was what Po faithfully believed.
Po avoided talking about Thame, avoided looking at his face, and avoided being in the same room. However, when an encounter was inevitable, Thame's dissatisfaction was visible; he couldn't stand being without Po's attention. Thame always made it clear that he was jealous and possessive of "his things," and the evidence was constant.
The most recent instance happened during a call. Thame was going to pick up one of his brothers from work and Po was on the line. If it had been just Pepper, the brother, it would have been fine, as he would talk to Po normally. But upon arriving, Thame said he had to hang up because "people neither of them liked would be getting in." Pepper was still friends with Earn, and since they worked together and lived on the same street, it would be selfish of Thame not to give him a ride home too.
To prevent Po and Earn from interacting, Thame hung up. Later, on a game call, Thame created a private room just for him and Po, leaving the other friends and Earn in another room. All to ensure he wouldn't have to hear the two talking.
Recently, Po found himself remembering those days. How Thame, even though he didn't want chicken pizza, ended up choosing that flavor just because Po had asked for it. He remembered how Thame called him "cute," how he took care of him, and how, for a few hours, it felt like Po finally lived at his house.
Everything flowed with a terrifying naturalness. Po helped clean up after dinner, put the dishes in the sink, wiped the table, and put the leftovers in the fridge as if that were his home, his routine. Curling up in Thame's blanket to watch TV, even with his friends still there, felt like the perfect ending. It was the comfort he had always wanted.
But it was only a mirage. After that day, everything got worse.
Thame had made decisions for him, deciding on his own what was best for Po. Inside, Po burned with the urge to fight, to hit back, to scream that Thame didn't know him well enough to dictate the course of his life.
But there was a cruel paradox: when Thame was present, everything seemed simple. It was as if Po had finally learned to breathe again. With Thame around, he didn't need to count the hours or monitor social media for a sign of life; he didn't need to beg for attention because his phone was already full with four long voice notes from Thame.
They were messages about anything: the progress of a game, a strange dream he had, mundane details of the routine... To Po, those voice notes were proof that he existed to the other. However, the price of this "peace" was accepting that Thame would choose for him, nullifying his will in exchange for a few minutes of audio and a false sense of security.
After a month of absolute peace between Po and Thame, Dylan seemed radiant. He was genuinely happy to see his two best friends getting along again. But, as they say, all that glitters is not gold. Po, deep down, was already prepared for the goodbye. And when it came, it came faster than usual.
They returned to a state of cold war. Social media accounts blocked; Thame cut contact, and Po did the same. However, there was a crucial difference: Po was no longer 13 or 14 years old. He was no longer going to sit and wait for Thame's goodwill to return, like someone waiting for permission to exist.
This time, he was decided.
If there is some universe, some world, or any alternative reality where "ThamePo" is possible, Po would have only one wish: that in that other life, he could fulfill at least one basic requirement of what it means to be happy, loved, and to feel safe beside his Thame. Because in this life, the only security Thame ever gave him was the certainty that he would always leave.
Hearing the exhaustion of this love, perhaps the universe will finally decide to intervene.
Perhaps it will create a place where the weight of those memories cannot reach. A place where Po is no longer Po, carrying the burden of the one who always did everything alone, and where Thame is no longer that Thame, trapped in his own selfishness and need for control.
In this new world, the scars from ten years ago vanish. There are no shared family albums, no cruel jokes in front of friends, nor the shadow of Earn between them. There is only the purity of a fresh start.
A world where only William and Est exist.
There, they can finally learn what it means to be happy, loved, and, above all, safe. No spoilers, no sudden abandonments, and no need to forget the past—because for William and Est, the past never existed. They are the now.