Chapter Text
Phainon noticed an interesting parallel.
Despite the huge differences, he was in the same place as he was a few years ago — successful, not knowing what song he wanted to choose for his upcoming figure skating program and having massive expectations on him.
Back then, Phainon didn’t have too much independence. He hated every move he was making on ice, because he felt like a slave, who did everything only for others and not by himself. The only reason why he was doing that was that he wanted to fulfill everyone’s expectations of him and not because he wanted to be Amphoureus’s pride. The expectations and pressure were heavier from champions to champions — and on his first senior Grand Prix, he had enough.
Although he placed second, he wasn’t satisfied about that — not because he wanted a gold medal and felt as if he had disappointed everyone, but he realized something.
His skating was dreadful. He had only difficult combinations and nothing else. It was like doing art only to beat other artists — it didn't make any sense. He didn’t feel like an artist — more like a machine who was only created to beating everyone on his path.
Why was the point doing that? Only to keep up with the heavy expectations on him and he wouldn't fulfill them, because he was only doing difficult combinations and nothing else?
During the Grand Prix, Anaxa gave him an interesting suggestion — after the end of that season, he will become his new coach. At first, Phainon wanted to refuse — because it would mean he wanted to still be doing the same shit he really hated, but Anaxa accidently gave him a new perspective to figure skating — and his new desire.
‘’Your problem isn’t your abilities, but your music.’’ Anaxa gave him his business card. ‘’Think about that and come to me. I will teach you how to feel the music.’’
‘’Music?’’ Phainon asked; he was curious what Anaxa meant. Feel the music? Only dancers doing this and not figure skaters, but perhaps that was his biggest problem — the reason why his skating was blank, without any feeling.
‘’Without music, figure skating is only showcasing your abilities’’
During that season, Phainon considered that proposition several times. Did he still want to doing that? Not as a machine, but as an artist. After all — what else did he have besides figure skating? Despite the fact that he hated figure skating, it was the only stable thing in his short life and he didn’t want to lose that.
Lygus had never allowed him to change coaches, but Phainon didn’t care about that. After the huge fight between them, when Phainon threw his skates to Lygus and Lygus took almost all his money, he had enough.
So on the next day, he had left Aidonia and moved to Okhema to train with Anaxa.
He wanted to be something else than only a champion — he wanted to create his own path and only Anaxa was able to fulfill his deepest desire.
When he came to the ice rink for his first training with Anaxa, Anaxa gave him a simple task, which was difficult for him. The reason? It was the first time he could decide on anything.
‘’Find music for your upcoming programs. But not some random, because it’s useless and only stupid people without a brain doing this type of shit, but something you can feel with every piece on your body. You have to find a music, in which the artist was singing about you and the chords supplied perfectly with the lyrics’’
‘’What if I don’t know how to find that kind of music?’’
‘’I will give you simple advice — you must know what you want to show the audience. It can be something simple like your loss when you switch the coach. Pick a theme and search for it until you'll find something perfect’’
Phaino couldn't find a song that he could feel in every corner on his body. He even didn’t know what theme he wanted to pick. He wanted something touchtable — something, in where he could find himself, but he didn’t know where he should start his searching. And what exactly he was searching for.
‘’I can’t find anything’’ Phainon concerned to Anaxa after two weeks.
‘’ You are the music, Phainon, so you must choose something, what you feel. The music of your soul.’’ Anaxa was trying to guide him, but Phainon had already knew that.
‘’But I don’t know how I feel’’
‘’ So find out. It’s your homework’’
And that’s the main reason why he couldn’t find music for his upcoming programs. Usually he had some ideas — he even had written some of them in his notebook, but something was off and Phainon didn’t know what exactly, but when he was reading ideas from his notebook, he felt like he was looking to the past. Like watching some old pictures and wanting to take them one more time.
What kind of theme did he want?
He wanted something unique, because if he skated as he usually did, the audience will become bored. And if they were bored, his programs would be useless — even if he'll win all competitions for the upcoming season, because he was skating for them.
If he wanted something unique, he should have a different music, because programs are built around it. It’s simple — like a single jumps or easier spins. Like Anaxa said ‘’Music is the most important part of the program. When you choose the wrong music, the whole program will be dreadful’’ Phainon totally agreed with him —and that’s why he had difficulties to find something dissimilar. Even if he was sure he chose the right music, something was off. He couldn’t feel the music, the lyrics, chords or the other things like guitar’s sound or vocalist’s voice.
Music is the most intimate art. When somebody tried to connect with music, they wanted to show themselves — their deepest desires, secrets or feelings. Most figure skaters don't understand that simple fact that if they want to have a breathtaking program, they must become music and show the audience how they see it.
So when Stelle suggested coming to the Hysteria’s concert — her classmates's band, he immediately agreed. He trusted her on many things, and music is one of them, because she had a great taste and she knew that he skated only for music created with a soul. To the music when he could feel every word and chords were perfectly complimentary — like they sounded exactly like they were playing.
⎯⎯♬⎯⎯
‘’HYSTERIA! HYSTERIA! HYSTERIA!’’ The crowd screamed, when neon colors changed to purple and red and three girls came to the stage. Two of them were coming with their instruments and one with sticks in her right hand. At this moment, the crowd reminded him of fans, when figure skaters arrived on the ice and that’s how he felt. Like a fan, who came to watch his favourite figure skaters. It’s a pretty odd association — but it’s strangely accurate. ‘’WE LOVE Y’ALL!’’
‘’ WE LOVE YOU TOO!’’ A woman with grey braids laughed and sat behind the drums. She had some cat accessories over her clothes — like a hoodie with cat ears or tail clipping to her grey jeans.
‘’CIPHER!’’ Stelle waved her hand ‘’KILL THE CROWD!’’
Cipher waved back to them and smiled, but her smile looked more like a smirk than actual smile. She started shuffling her stick between her fingers — and the other one she laid on the drums.
A woman with dark brown hair, came closer to the barrier and she leaned toward a crowd. Phainon couldn’t see what she was doing, but the crowd went even wilder.
‘’KISS HER HARDER, HYSILENS!’’
‘’AFTER THE CONCERT, I’LL KISS HER HARDER!’’ Hysilens promised them and took her position — to the left corner on the stage and started tuning her bass.
‘’BRONYA!’’ someone screamed the last girl’s name — probably the guitarist of their band.
Bronya looked more like a business woman than guitarist — but somehow she fitted perfectly with her elegant image — perhaps because every member of this band looked differently than others.
Bronya and Hysilens were tuning their instruments — and their sound was combined perfectly. It was mainly Bronya’s guitar, but Hysilens’s bass added more depth and rhythm to their tuning.
The neons stopped lit and the light started separately lit each member of Hysteria, like they wanted to be in the spotlight. The mist ejected — probably to add a more mysterious vibe to the stage. The light lit on the microphone and Phainon noticed that the vocalist was nowhere to see.
Hysilens with Bronya started playing on their instruments — intensely and energetically. The crowd caught their energy and started jumping — Phainon knew that without looking at the crowd, because the flood started shaking.
‘’O MY FUCKING GOD, MYDEI!’’ Stelle screamed like crazy — and Phainon totally understood why, because at that moment, he saw the most handsome man in the world. He didn’t think that, because it was a fact and everybody knew it.
Mydei walked to the middle of the scene with closed eyes — slowly and confidently, as if he wanted to show his existence. Phainon couldn’t split his eyes from him, because he was the star — and Mydei probably knew that.
When Mydei stood to the microphone, he opened his eyes and looked across the crowd, as if he wanted to check them. Phainon saw him in better angle — and o fuck.
Not only did Mydei look beautiful — because it was an indisputable fact, but also awesome. He had a few piercings on his face, the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen, dyed red tips and even red tattoos covering his muscular body…
In short — he looked divine.
Phainon lost it. He couldn't handle some underground artist, who looks like a fucking god, but… who wasn’t staring at him, like he was some piece of art? He didn’t lose it, right?
Right?
Maybe some people came for a concert to watch his muscular body covered in red tattoos, but Phainon totally understood it — because he was one of them. He could watch him for hours, admiring him and he would totally not become bored…
What was he even thinking? He went to the concert to entertain with Stelle and finding music to his short program and not to admire the vocalist of this band!
But damn…
Why was Mydei so magnetic? Why couldn't Phainon split his eyes from him? Why was everything about him so hypnotical and ... lured?
The rest of the band stopped playing — and the crowd became silent.
‘’WELCOME EVERYBODY’’ Mydei yelled to the crowd, taking his red guitar from the stage. ‘’WE ARE HYSTERIA YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!’’
Phainon swore that Mydei was staring at him for a brief moment with…. surprising? Probably Mydei recognized him and he was confused why Phainon — one of the most famous figure skaters in the world, came to Hysteria’s concert, but Phainon couldn’t read his mind and probably he only imagined that.
But that was enough for his heart to start beating faster.
Mydei was only an unknown vocalist in Hysteria — he even didn’t start performing and Phainon acted like he was a teenager who was looking at his crush.
Bronya started playing on her guitar with Hysilens — energetically but also calmly. A moment later Mydei started singing with his deep voice and playing with his guitar to add heavier tones to the melody.
I sank without my fate
Cipher started hitting drums with intensity to add more emotions to this melody — frustration and anger. They didn’t play instruments. They were telling a heartbroken story about drowning in the ocean.
Nobody saved me, because I was too weak for this
At some moment, Mydei closed his eyes, like he wanted to feel the words he sang. Like he wanted to experience this story to become a part of that. His fingers were holding strings, as if he perfectly knew what he was playing right now. Mydei didn’t need eyes to see what he was doing, because he felt this melody.
He became the melody.
I'm losing myself more and more
Mydei opened his eyes and he started playing more intensively, changing his voice’s tone. The rest of the band adjusted to his voice — Hysilens and Bronya started playing faster and Cipher hit the drums more energetically.
Why you left me?
This song was full of emotions — not speaking by words, but tiny, barely noticed things that were making music more real. Drums. A faster vocalist’s breath. A louder guitar. They were speaking though to music — and they did that perfectly.
When the first song ended, Phainon was convinced he'll come to Hysteria's concerts — and no, it’s not about Mydei, who was an awesome vocalist, not just visually.
Hysteria was incredible.
Bronya played on her guitar calmier and quietlier. Her movements were elegant, like she danced on ice. For the moment, all attention was focused on her — as if this concert was only her and not the
This attention lasted for a moment, because Mydei started singing — softer and calmier than before. A moment later, Cipher joined this duo. She didn't hit her drums too energetically — just slightly and gently.
When Bronya, Cipher and Mydei found the rhythm, Hysilens entered them with her bass, making the melody more energetic — but kept the calm and melodic character. It reminds him of ballads — but a louder and chaotic version.
I’m dying, can you see that?
Phainon felt this song with all his heart — like Mydei perfectly knows what he felt right now . Like he was reading his soul right now.
The flames chased me
Mydei started singing with some pain in his voice — but they made this song more realistic.
Suddenly, Phainon felt like he was one more time seeing Aedas Elysiae — the town was burning and Phainon stood, helplessnessing about this situation. He could hear his desperate crying when he saw all of this — but he knew that it was just a song.
I only wanted to spend one more day with you
The large crowd became silent. Nobody screamed — they just stood and heard a melody about grief. For the first time, Phainon felt a song so deeply — like he was hearing his mind years ago. Like Mydei sang about Phainon’s grief and not about his.
I don’t wanna lose you all, please stay with me…
Everything was perfect — music, chords, lyrics and the most important thing — Phainon felt it. He felt every single word with all of his soul as if Mydei was reading his memories and created a song, who composed them perfectly.
Each night is a nightmare for me.
At this moment, Phainon made decision — about his theme and song for the upcoming season.
His theme will be grief — his grief, and he will be showing that by this song.
And with that combination, Phainon will show the best performance of all the time.