Chapter Text
Okay, so it’s like this: I walk into the office, and there he is, just stretched all over the couch with his feet propped on our low coffee table with that stupid smirk on his face. His laptop sits on his knees and I figure he’s watching one of our videos when I recognize the sound of myself retching.
I roll my eyes, grab my own computer and plop down beside him, not really feeling up to sitting in my office chair today. I suspect the back of it needs repairing and I don’t really need to take a spill out of it in front of Rhett just to prove it. I can’t deal with him laughing at me again today after I made the mistake of tripping halfway across the kitchen and spilling my coffee all over Chase the minute we got in to work.
The dude just doesn’t know how to let stuff go.
“Pffff!” Rhett sputters, a large hand clasped over his abdomen as he points and laughs at the screen. I glance over to see myself wiping tears from my eyes after one of the most powerful heaves of my life.
“Seriously?” I ask, pretty sure he can tell I’m annoyed, and pretty sure he doesn’t care.
“You’re like-” he gasps, trying and failing to contain his laughter. “You’re like a little baby tasting peas for the first time or something. I mean. Dude. Pfffff!”
I lean in real close to him, get all up in his face, it’s the only way I can intimidate him unless I decide to start shouting and throwing stuff like I sometimes do. We’ve got a song to record in a few hours though so I’m not really up to that. So I lean in and smirk when he jerks back.
“At least I’m not a sore loser. You pout worse than Lando when you lose a freakin’ game. And they say you’re the businessman and I’m the boy, ch.” I know this gets to him. He hates being called out on stuff. I lean in closer just to see him squirm. “Is it really that fragile?”
“What?” He asks, confused while he tries to divert his attention back to his screen. I can tell he wants to get up and move to a different spot in the office the way his fingers are tapping away on the side of his laptop, but I also know he doesn’t want to show me how intimidated he is.
“Your masculinity,” I say, poking him on the beard.
“I’m more of a man than you anyday.”
I cock an eyebrow just to really jack him up, smirk again, then say smoothly, “Yeah. Okay.”
“I am!” he insists. “I had two boys. They say guys with more testosterone are prone to have boys!”
“That’s bullshit,” I laugh. “Besides. I have two boys and a girl. What next? You want to whip it out and count the sperms.”
“Wow,” Rhett murmurs, burying his face in his hand, and I know I’ve scored a hit again. I secretly cheer in victory, calmly sip my tea, and turn my attention to my own computer.
“I have a-”
“Beard?” I interrupt, rubbing a hand over my own scruff. “I had a nice solid one long before you did and I can grow mine at twice the speed.” I whip my face toward him and wiggle my fingers in his face, knowing it’s gonna piss him off. “Next?”
“I’m taller!”
“Cause you’re a freak of nature, not ‘cause you’re more of a man.”
“I’m stronger.”
“Only because you’re a giant.” I rotate my fingers around one another. “Ergo - freak of nature.”
He’s turning red and looking like he’s about to blow steam. I try not to giggle and ruin the manly image I’m trying to cultivate.
“You’re really a child, you know that?” he finally says, attempting to use his calm voice of reason although I can see the anger in the furrow of his brows and the lines around his eyes.
I get all up in his face, make my eyes real big and blink them slow. “You’re a child, you know that?” I mock.
He grabs my arm and ooops, apparently that was the final straw. He pushes me away and stands up from the sofa, snapping his laptop shut with more force than necessary.
“I can’t work when you’re like this. I’m gonna head home.”
“I drove you today.”
“Shit!”
I let out a gleeful, if slightly maniacal laugh at his misfortune.
“And besides, we’ve got to record our new song.”
“Shit and more shit.”
“Calm down you freakin’ freak show.” I poke him on the knee and he glares down at me. I smile up at him because he’s really fun to rile up. Don’t judge me; if you had a giant of a friend who you knew would do just about anything not to punch your lights out even though he was completely pissed, you’d stir the beehive every once in a while too. “Geez, lose a little argument and you’re about to rampage. Now stop saying naughty words and sit back down.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” he grumbles, but still sits, propping his feet up again, but not reopening his laptop. Instead he folds his arms across his chest looking all out of sorts and upset.
I lean close again, real close, then huff a breath of air into his ear, knowing he’s going to hate it.
“Link!” he manages to warn and scold at the same time.
“Ooops, did I injure your masculinity when I did that? Is that what you’re keeping up there instead of your brain?” I grab him by the ear and pull him close, blowing it again. “Let me fix it.”
“What the hell, man?” he asks, trying to shake me loose.
I chuckle and pull him even closer, my nose almost touching his ear. This time I plan to blow so hard that the air comes out the other side. Victory is nigh. I purse my lips to blow again, but his head snaps around because the dude can’t shut up for five seconds, and all of a sudden my puff of air is going into his mouth.
I feel my lips brush his before I pull away and am almost shocked into silence. I say almost because I’ve got quite a mouth on me and boy do I love to use it. No, I don’t make him whip it out or anything like that. I know what you’re thinking.
No. I can just see by the look in his eyes how freaked out he is so I take this opportunity to lay him completely low.
I laugh, pucker up, and really manage to smack one on him this time.
“Link?” he asks. Man is he scared.
I’m going to be able to hold this one over his head for days.
“Link, wha-”
I smack him on the arm and turn back to my computer. “You’ve just been dying to kiss me, huh? I’ve seen that look in your eye.”
“Wh- No. I. I’m not-”
“No wonder you’re so worried about your masculinity all the time.” I smile and reach over, pinching his cheek, hard to do since his skin is practically glued to his freaking bones. “Don’t worry. I’m here for you brother.”
I can see the anger starting to break through the shock.
I smirk and give him a wink, making him practically flinch. Ch.
“I’m here in any way you need me.”
I wink again, just in case he’s a little slow on the uptake.
“Right here.”
Wink.
“In any way.”
Wink.
“That you need me.”
He shudders and practically runs from the room. I laugh after him knowing he’s going to get me back at some point, but loving the thrill of taking him down a notch for once.
I open up a document on my computer containing a long list of tallies and finally add a mark to my own column.
Score one for Link Neal.
I make sure to put the date beside it too as I continue to chuckle to myself. This date shall live in infamy.