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fade away a little slower (i go over every word you told me)

Summary:

When Lan Qiren was younger, he'd had many a dream about marrying Wen Ruohan. That dream had now become a reality, but it wasn't nearly as sweet as he had hoped-- they were older now, with too much life having been lived, and hanging onto a love that now felt like a mere illusion.

or

Lan Qiren is married to Wen Ruohan in hopes of deterring him from starting a war between the Great Clans, and has to grapple with newfound parenthood while chasing the ghost of a love that may be too far gone.

Notes:

╰┈➤ title from: know better by tinashe

this fic is for me and the five other ruoren shippers on this site. i contemplated many a time on changing the pairing into ones i had more experience with (and ones that were more popular), but ultimately decided that ruoren's dynamic was the best fit for my vision of this story and its nuances. i've been writing it for a while to get through my depressive episode, and find it therapeutic that i've finally finished it (its not polished, but it feels like a weight off of my chest so i am happy!!)

first fic of the year and will hopefully get back to writing more regularly!!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The robes of the Qishan Wen were burdensome on Lan Qiren as he burst into the throne room of The Scorching Sun Palace, and the red sigil of the Wen emblazoned onto his back burned bright against the soft white fabric with each step he took.

His abrupt entrance gave way to the surprised, almost annoyed expressions on the faces of the Wen clan’s advisors, but Lan Qiren paid them no mind. His focus was on the man who sat at the head of the throne room, sitting back on his pedestal with a bored, arrogant expression on his face. At Lan Qiren’s entrance the man looked up, his disinterested demeanor melting away to one of a subtle wickedness and curiosity. With a growing smirk that struck unease in Lan Qiren’s heart, the man waved away the advisor that had continued to drone on mindlessly about plans despite the interruption, and sat up in his seat.

The man’s eyes were alight with a playfulness that meant no good, and he quirked a thick eyebrow in mock surprise.

“Darling,” He started with a drawl, and Lan Qiren felt his body heat up in indignation at the endearment. It wasn’t so much loving, as it was derisive. Lan Qiren fought the anger that surged up into his body, but it seemed as though he could not conceal his expression well enough; the man before him smiled wider.

“You know better than to interrupt me during my meetings.” The words were condescending, as if Lan Qiren were a mere disobedient omega. As if the speaker knew exactly where to hit Lan Qiren where it hurt the most. Lan Qiren clenched his fist and took a breath, trying to relax his face. It was embarrassing enough to be paraded around wearing the treacherous symbol of the alpha who owned him, but to deal with this man’s infuriating proclivities? Just simply unbearable.

Lan Qiren did not know what wildness in his youth had led him to find this man so attractive; so perfect despite being the antithesis of what Lan Qiren had known, had been. 

But the naivete of youth had long since passed, and what remained was a distant love shrouded in anger that boiled in Lan Qiren’s chest.

“Wen Ruohan, a word.”

When Wen Ruohan refused to move and his advisors looked on with disbelief at Lan Qiren’s harsh tone, Lan Qiren repeated himself.

“I must speak with you. Now. In private.” His words were stern, but his hands trembled even under the weight of his robes’ sleeves.

The instruction was clear: for all advisors to leave the room so that Lan Qiren and Wen Ruohan could have their conversation alone. But nobody moved, because no order had left the Wen alpha’s lips.

At first, it seemed as though Wen Ruohan would refuse– after all, who would dare to address the fearsome Sect Leader Wen so brazenly without fear of consequence, especially in front of an audience?– Surely, Wen Ruohan would punish the offender swiftly and surely– even if it was an omega, even if it was his own spouse. However, his husband’s difficult personality was anticipated by Lan Qiren. When he saw Wen Ruohan’s lip begin to curl into a snarl, Lan Qiren held in his own anger in favor of bringing his hand to his torso and cupping his stomach, looking down briefly before looking up at the throne to meet Wen Ruohan’s eyes. He said nothing more, straightening his back in a facsimile of confidence.

The implication was subtle enough to go unnoticed by any inattentive beta, but the message was clear to Wen Ruohan, as the grin grew back on his face, this time sharper. His eyes raked over Lan Qiren’s form, more intensely this time. As if he could see something else beyond the white and red of the Wen’s robes. Lan Qiren fought a shiver, holding his gaze strong for when Wen Ruohan’s gaze inevitably made its way back up to his own. Wen Ruohan nodded, seemingly satisfied.

His orders rang throughout the room with a resounding bark, the advisors before him flinching at the sudden sound.

“Everybody out.”

Then, as an afterthought, he added another order.

“Advisor Huang. Prepare a banquet for an auspicious day three moons from today. I believe your Wen Furen is about to present our glorious sect with some very pleasant news.”

Had Lan Qiren been any younger, he would have immediately become irate at such loaded words, and would have not hesitated to yell or scold Wen Ruohan for saying it to such a large audience. But Lan Qiren was much older now, weathered with stress and fear for the future. This was no longer just him and A-Han sneaking off together into the private nooks of Gusu, without a care in the world other than being caught by a wandering disciple or elder. Their teenage romance was as fleeting as a dream, and Lan Qiren’s reality was not nearly as rose-colored and innocent.

The Lan Qiren of now had come for a very specific purpose; one that involved appealing to Wen Ruohan and withholding any anger that sparked from his husband’s goading jabs. Because as antagonistic as Wen Ruohan was, he was perceptive, and his intuition was almost frighteningly accurate.

Of course, he was correct.

Lan Qiren did have news for him.

Said man took a deep breath, suppressing his emotions under the facade of aloofness, and squared his shoulders when Wen Ruohan gestured him to come forward.

“A-Ren, come here. I am very curious as to what you wish to tell me.”

The eagerness was stark on the man’s face, and for a moment, he looked nearly ten years younger. Lan Qiren’s heart gave a traitorous pang at the sight of youthful, unbridled giddiness in his husband’s expression, but he stepped forward until he was a couple of steps away from Wen Ruohan’s throne.

When he made it apparent that he would not come any closer, Wen Ruohan clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, sitting up to grab Lan Qiren by the waist and prop him sideways on his lap.

Lan Qiren yelped at the gesture, instinct telling him to jump off of, but the tight arm Wen Ruohan wrapped around his back prevented him from moving, and in a strange way, grounded him. Right. He had something to do.

Without meeting Wen Ruohan’s eyes, Lan Qiren spoke quietly despite the empty room. Wen Ruohan leaned in to hear, and Lan Qiren could feel the heat of his body against his own as they made more contact.

“I am with child.” The declaration came from his lips, not much louder than a whisper. 

“The physician has confirmed that I am four moons along, and she suspects that I will be due by the third month of next year.”

“Fantastic news, as expected of my beautiful furen.”

The smile on Wen Ruohan’s face was so wide that Lan Qiren would have thought his cheeks would burst from the bone. He returned the smile with a small one of his own, though it wasn’t nearly as vibrant as Wen Ruohan’s. His husband’s other hand came up to rub lightly at his abdomen, to check if it had begun to swell yet. It hadn’t, so Lan Qiren took a hold of his husband’s wrist as the hand began to wander into his robes to feel further.

“It is uncouth to do this in the throne room.”

Wen Ruohan laughed at his reddened cheeks, and leaned up to capture Lan Qiren’s frown into a deep kiss. His mouth was greedy, insistent, and Lan Qiren found himself pushing away once he had begun to lose his breath. They’d been married for nearly a year now, and had loved each other for much longer, but the feeling of intimacy was still too much for Lan Qiren, who had suppressed himself for so long that such acts only made him dizzy.

He let Wen Ruohan bite at his lips for a bit while he caught his breath, but too soon, he turned his face away. Showing a rare act of mercy, Wen Ruohan let him pull away.

“Is it uncouth for the sect leader to praise his wife when he has given me the best news all day? Better than the drivel those old men rambled on about.”

Lan Qiren’s stare was hard, but in the end, he merely sighed. He took Wen Ruohan’s hand from where it had slid down to his waist, and brought it back to his stomach.

“A-Ren, I can tell that you want something. Just say it.”

Lan Qiren’s hand trembled from where it still held his husband’s.

He tried to make his voice gentle.

“I would like to have this child in Gusu.”

His request was met with a disbelieving huff, and when he looked at Wen Ruohan, he could see his eyes turning a little colder.

“No. I will not allow it.”

“The weather is better suited to my condition, and Gusu’s medicine is the best in the continent–”

“Anything that you’ll need can be imported over here to Qishan. I will not have my child born within the vicinity of your belligerent brother, who believes rebellion will grant him favor among the other sects.”

Lan Qiren held his breath at the words.

So that confirmed it– Wen Ruohan had heard the whispers of Qingheng-Jun’s brash behavior, and his insistence on rebelling against the Wen– when Lan Qiren himself had heard the rumors, he’d wanted to fly all the way to Gusu and slap his elder brother across the mouth. Uncaring about anyone except himself, Lan Qiren found that he could not truly be surprised by his brother’s actions. Even in the most fraught of political climates, Lan Qiren had always been his brother’s filter. He’d been the water to his brother’s fire, and though Qingheng-Jun was sect leader in name, everyone knew that the reputation the Lan had cultivated was due to Lan Qiren himself.

Though Lan Qiren knew an uprising was inevitable given the Wen’s increasing oversteps into the other sects, he knew that now was not the right time to reveal such. Wen Ruohan had been growing his sect over the past year through consuming the smaller neighboring sects, and the cultivation world had to consolidate properly before anyone could fight back. As it was now, any retaliation towards the Wen would only end in bloodshed. And Lan Qiren had prayed every night that he would have more time before it reached Gusu. 

War loomed in the horizon, and Lan Qiren knew that despite all he did he could not prevent it, but he needed to find as much time as possible to try to lessen Wen Ruohan’s influence over the other sects, before the whole thing blew up in their faces. He knew his husband was not one to relent, always terrifyingly headstrong in all he did and said, but Lan Qiren needed some way to buy time and protection for those he loved.

Then came a miracle– a bargaining chip, so to speak.

Even in the position he was in, Lan Qiren laid down his pride for his sect once again. He took Wen Ruohan by the cheek and forced him to look into his eyes. Though he couldn’t admit it, he was pleading.

“Whatever punishment you deem fit for my brother, I cannot stop you. But please, wait till after this child is born and I can present them to my elders. A-Han, at least grant me this much.”

At the nickname Lan Qiren hadn’t dared to call him in so long, Wen Ruohan relaxed slightly, relenting though his eyes were still dark in turmoil.

“Even when your loyalty should lie in your husband, you still protect your traitorous kin. But fine– if your brother apologizes to me before the birth of our first child, I shall let him live.”

Lan Qiren internally let out a sigh of relief, and let himself be pulled into another one of Wen Ruohan’s rough, but indulgent kisses. He knew it would be damn near impossible to get his brother to apologize to Wen Ruohan, much less admit any fault in his actions, but now he had more time to plan out the Lan sect’s response.

He thought back to when he had first met Wen Ruohan, and how the alpha had been the first to truly awaken Lan Qiren’s omega instincts. When he was still a youth, he’d  fantasized about their marriage, and about the birth of their child. Oh, how Lan Qiren wished things were as simple as they used to be back then, and that he could have had a truly happy marriage with Wen Ruohan. But such dreams had long since passed and were stained by the ever-cold truth of reality.

Lan Qiren tried to clear his head of all thoughts, following the movement of Wen Ruohan’s lips against his own as his mind drifted back to easier times.

 

“Furen, are you really going to have a baby?”

The question came from little Wen Qing, a month after the pregnancy had been announced, and Lan Qiren choked on the water he’d been sipping, coughing up a storm as his surprised eyes met the little girl’s wide, curious ones.

It was during one of the private lessons Lan Qiren had with the Wen children that she had proposed the question.

Before settling into the role of Wen Ruohan’s omega, Lan Qiren had intended to be a school teacher at Gusu for the rest of his days. His brother’s propensity for disobedience had made him ever the more stringent when it came to following the clan’s rules, so as the second brother born to assist his elder brother, Lan Qiren had become good in everything Qingheng-Jun wasn’t.

After he’d all but been offered up to Wen Ruohan in hopes of smoothing out the tension between the two sects, the man had trusted him enough to aid in the education of his two sons by his previous wife Wen Xu and Wen Chao, along with the children of Wen Ruohan’s most beloved cousin, Wen Qing and Wen Ning.

Though Wen Ning was still quite young and merely tagged along shyly with his elder sister, Wen Qing, Wen Chao and Wen Xu had already started to develop quite strong personalities.

Wen Xu, as firstborn alpha and Wen Ruohan’s heir, was starting to become more like his alpha father by the day. Almost scarily so, if Lan Qiren thought about it. He was just as moody as Wen Ruohan, just as perceptive and cunning. He didn’t seem to like Lan Qiren much, though that was not surprising to the older man at all, and he only seemed to present his disdain when his father was not in sight.

Wen Qing, only a year younger than Wen Xu and also an alpha, was just as smart as the latter, perhaps even more so. The girl was headstrong like every Wen child tended to be, though she lacked the ire for Lan Qiren that her cousin possessed. To her, Lan Qiren was merely her schoolteacher, who was often the only person who answered her inquisitiveness with a levity nobody else wanted to grant her. Wen Ning, even as an alpha himself, was the complete opposite. He was still quite bashful and wary around Lan Qiren, but he followed his sister like a little duckling, with not much care for anything besides her and his toys.

And lastly came Wen Ruohan’s youngest alpha son, Wen Chao. He was a little older than Wen Ning but a few years younger than Wen Xu and Wen Qing, and was the most difficult student Lan Qiren had ever had. He refused to listen or pay attention during class, often in his own little world and crying at the drop of the hat. Still, Lan Qiren had come to love him like his own child.

By all definitions, Wen Ruohan was not an exceptional father. He hadn’t been a very good husband to his late wife, either, though he treated Wen Xu like his true heir and praised his son diligently whenever he proved his aptitude. But Lan Qiren had always thought that such affection had more to do with Wen Xu being his heir rather than Wen Xu being his son, because such affection did not extend to Wen Chao, the spare. 

The younger of the two children had been born from a difficult pregnancy, in which the former Wen-Furen had passed away due to unmanageable complications. Wen Chao, who had grown up in the care of nannies and without the love of neither mother nor father, had a tendency to lash out. He was not the smartest, nor was he the most perceptive, but his temper tantrums were something that Lan Qiren had never seen in any child before. It was all for attention of course, because to him, his father acknowledging him through reprimand was better than being overlooked completely.

After Lan Qiren had wed their father, it was easy for the boys to see the change in the alpha– more satisfied than he’d ever been in his life, though the cruelty hadn’t exactly faded.

And Wen Chao, seeing how much his father doted on Lan Qiren and became softer in his presence, had naturally latched on.

Wen Chao had been sitting in his lap, fiddling with a wooden dog his nanny had brought him from the market, as Lan Qiren attempted to get him to sound out the characters in the book he’d been holding.

At Wen Qing’s abrupt question, all the children looked up– Wen Xu from his assignment, Wen Ning from his own toy, and Wen Chao from his lap– to await Lan Qiren’s answer.

Lan Qiren flushed in embarrassment– who had dared to bring up such a topic to a child?

He schooled his expression into a stern one, and responded to her as evenly as possible. Most likely her mother had said something in her presence, and Wen Qing, curious as ever, wanted confirmation. But for Lan Qiren, it was still too soon to reckon with everybody else’s opinions and queries on his pregnancy. He’d barely had any time to register it himself.

“Such a matter is not relevant to your studies, nor is it appropriate for children such as yourself to discuss yet.”

“But why?” Wen Qing asked, not comprehending why Lan Qiren had clammed up so quickly.

“It is a private matter between adults.” Was all he managed, looking back down at the book in his hands and trying to redirect Wen Chao’s attention to the book. Wen Chao whined when his dog was plucked from his grasp, and he immediately began wriggling in Lan Qiren’s lap in an attempt to get down. Lan Qiren sighed, feeling the beginnings of a headache begin to pulse between his eyes. Disobedient child, this one. In many ways, he was also like Wen Ruohan.

It didn’t seem as though Wen Qing was satisfied with his answer, but sensing the sudden decline in Lan Qiren’s mood, she dropped the subject, lest the man assign her extra passages to read during break time. 

Wen Xu merely stared at Lan Qiren with a growing frown, as if from Lan Qiren’s expression alone could he discover the truth. Wen Ruohan hadn’t felt the need to inform his children about the news of their new sibling so early on in the pregnancy, but Wen Xu had heard the rumors among the nannies and maids.

A child was a good thing, wasn’t it? A child represented fertility, opportunity, and strength to the family, or so the little Wens had been told. Wen Ruohan seemed to be in high spirits at the prospect of the newest addition to their family, so why did it seem like Lan Qiren didn’t feel the same?

 

Wen Ruohan decided (without so much as consultation or warning to Lan Qiren) to explain to the children that they would soon have a new sibling, one night as Lan Qiren was tucking Wen Chao into bed. 

Such an occurrence didn’t happen very often, as due to his upbringing Lan Qiren found it difficult to be affectionate in the face of Wen Chao’s innocent, overwhelming trust, but that night had been a particularly bad one for the child.

Lan Qiren had just finished bathing, and was preparing to go to bed when one of Wen Chao’s favorite nannies had come into the room, a guilty look on her face. Lan Qiren was barely dressed to leave his quarters, no longer the prestige and dignity of Wen Furen– his heavy formal wear had been switched out for a thin silk nightgown and trousers, and his still-wet hair lacked all styling as it fell limp against his shoulders and back– but the nanny had insisted that Lan Qiren come to the nursery, citing Wen Chao’s explosive temper as reason for the intrusion.

Lan Qiren rubbed his temple, but had resignedly gone to the nursery to deal with Wen Chao.

When he arrived, he was met with the sight of the child screaming on the floor, flailing around and going purposefully limp whenever one of the maids tried to carry him.

His toys were strewn all throughout the room and the quilts that usually lay on his bed were crumpled across the floor.

The guards outside the room wore the same helpless expressions as the maids, and as Lan Qiren walked into the room, he shot a glare at the two alphas. How useless, to drag a pregnant omega out of bed to deal with a whining child. Truly, was putting one child to bed so difficult for them all?

“No! I want A-Niang to read my bedtime story!” Wen Chao all but screeched out, kicking out at whoever tried to grab at him.

The maids at his side tried to calm him down.

“Of course, Second Young Master. Furen is on his way, so please let’s get up–”

“I don’t want to! I want A-Niang. A-Niang!” he wailed relentlessly, and Lan Qiren saw movement out of the corner of his eye as Wen Chao continued to thrash, refusing to listen completely.

At the other end of the expansive nursery was Wen Xu’s bed, where the youth sat up with a thunderous expression. Wen Xu wasn’t nearly as quick to anger as Wen Chao was, but when he did get upset, it was almost as bad as Wen Ruohan himself. And though Wen Xu was generally fine with Wen Chao’s clinginess and regarded him as his dear little brother, he wasn’t above ‘disciplining’ his brother himself. Disciplining, as in serving a swift slap to the upside of his brother’s head, and undoubtedly eliciting another wave of shrieks from Wen Chao. Lan Qiren noticed warily as Wen Xu's fists curled into the quilt that he was tucked into.

Before Wen Xu could get out of his bed and worsen the tantrum, Lan Qiren spoke up, standing at the head of the room.

“Wen Chao. Get off of the floor this instant.”

At the sound of Lan Qiren’s voice, regardless of how cold it sounded, Wen Chao immediately stopped wailing, to sit up and confirm that his ‘A-Niang’ had indeed arrived. And as haggard as Lan Qiren appeared, he had arrived.

“A-Niang!” He cheered out as if his face wasn’t full of snot and tears, scrambling up as he pushed the concerned maids away in favor of coming to hug Lan Qiren’s legs.

Wen Chao had taken to calling Lan Qiren ‘Niang’ after Wen Ruohan had made a joke sometime after their wedding.

“A-Chao, this is your new Niang. Be good to him, okay?” Wen Ruohan had laughed at Lan Qiren’s pinched expression, and had laughed even harder when Wen Chao, not yet aware of the concept of ‘joking,’ had called him such. The child had glowed with pride at his father’s reaction, and the endearment had stuck. 

It had bothered Lan Qiren a lot at first, but he’d soon gotten over it. It was just a title, and Wen Chao was just a child. Whether or not Wen Chao called him ‘Niang’ didn’t change the fact that Wen Ruohan was his father, and as his father’s new omega, Lan Qiren was thus now responsible for him.

But the way Wen Chao had said it: with all the love he was capable of possessing as he looked up at Lan Qiren with swollen, tired eyes of his own, coupled with the way his hug had pulled the fabric taut around the ever-growing belly Lan Qiren refused to look at… it was enough to make Lan Qiren almost nauseous with how much it palpitated his heart. He almost shoved the child away, increasingly aware of the presence of the tiny, warm hands pressing into the backs of his legs.

Lan Qiren let Wen Chao cling for a couple seconds longer, before he wiped at the remaining tears in his eyes and stepped out of the child’s grasp.

Wen Chao looked ready to start crying anew as Lan Qiren distanced himself, but before he could, Lan Qiren spoke.

“Wen Chao. You know this behavior is unacceptable. If you wish for me to read your story, you will clean this room up right now and apologize to your maids. Properly.”

Wen Chao’s lip trembled, but at the way Lan Qiren’s face didn’t change in the midst of his pouting, he complied obediently.

“Sorry,” he whispered to the maids who now stood at either side of the room, going up to each and giving a half-hearted hug as he let the women graciously accept his apology and comfort him. After he’d done so, he started picking up his toys and returning them to the chest in which they were kept, lip trembling all the way through. 

Wen Xu scoffed at the other end of the room, lying down to go to sleep with a ‘Finally,’ muttered under his breath.

The maids brought new quilts to his bed and prepared it quietly, and bowed to Lan Qiren before they left in silent relief. Lan Qiren gave a small tilt of his head in return, eyes not leaving Wen Chao’s meandering work.

By the time Wen Chao had finished cleaning up, the tears had dried and he shyly came back to clutch at Lan Qiren’s leg.

“A-Niang, I finished,” He looked down at his feet as he said it, shifting his weight from one leg to another.

Satisfied, Lan Qiren gave him a single pat to the head, and reached a hand out for Wen Chao to take as he led the child to the bed. The maids had not forgotten to leave one of Wen Chao’s favorite books on the table by his bed, and once the child had gotten tucked under his quilts, Lan Qiren sat at the edge of his bed and began to read to him, lighting an extra candle or two to lessen the strain on his eyes.

Lan Qiren didn’t know what it was about his reading that Wen Chao preferred over the nannies’ own– while the women read the book with character, personality and vigor, with a different voice assigned to each character, Lan Qiren read as if he was reciting the rules of Gusu– straightforward, and without much enthusiasm or embellishment.

Still, Wen Chao listened intently as Lan Qiren read to him. Lan Qiren was halfway through the book when there was a knock on the nursery door, before it opened to reveal Wen Ruohan.

He was still in his sect leader regalia, clearly having come straight from a meeting, and the harsh line of his mouth lifted into a smirk as he took in the sight before him of his omega nurturing his child. Lan Qiren immediately stiffened at the sight of the man, knowing that there was sure to be something up his husband’s sleeve if he was visiting his children’s nursery so late.

The relaxed expression that Lan Qiren had donned while reading to Wen Chao melted away as Wen Ruohan walked into the room.

“A-Ren, what a surprise to catch you in here at this hour.” 

Lan Qiren’s face twisted at the nickname, and he ignored the way Wen Chao looked up at him with a questioning look on his face. Lan Qiren felt Wen Ruohan’s eyes wander down his form to where the lines of his body– particularly his stomach– were more visible in the thin nightclothes, before they traveled back up to Lan Qiren’s pink, but glaring face, as if to silently praise himself for the state Lan Qiren was in.

Wen Chao, getting over the confusion of his A-Niang’s change in mood, sat up excitedly to address his father. From the other side of the room Wen Xu’s bed rustled, indicating that the elder child had not gone to sleep and much like his brother, was curious as to why their father was there.

“Fuqin, have you come to read to A-Chao too?” 

Wen Ruohan looked down at his expectant child, and with a rare kindness, nodded his head.

“Yes, I have come to read to you, but I’ve also come to make an announcement to you and your Da-ge.”

Wen Chao clapped his hands, and looked back at Lan Qiren apologetically as if his request would somehow anger him.

“A-Niang, can Fuqin read to me? A-Chao really wants to hear him read the best part.”

Lan Qiren relented without much fuss, though he gave Wen Ruohan a cutting glance as the man got into the bed that was way too big for someone of Wen Chao’s age, and hoisted the child into his lap as he brought the book in front of him.

Noticing his elder son sitting up in the bed across from him with surprise and thinly veiled envy, Wen Ruohan gestured over to him with a wave of his hand.

“A-Xu, you come here too. I have to speak with both of you after this, anyway.”

Wen Xu tried to appear as if he didn’t care for the invitation, but he didn’t let Wen Ruohan repeat himself before he was also tucked into Wen Chao’s bed next to his father.

Finally, Wen Ruohan looked up at Lan Qiren expectantly before looking down to the empty space on his other side, and at the implication, blood rushed to Lan Qiren’s face.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Come on, A-Ren,” Wen Ruohan drawled out.

Lan Qiren’s tone hardened. 

“I refuse. I am going to bed.”

“We’re a family, aren’t we, Darling?”

“I’ve told you repeatedly not to call me that in front of the children, where is your shame?”

Wen Ruohan ignored him in favor of turning to Wen Chao and saying with a faux dismayed voice, 

“How sad, A-Chao, your Niang doesn’t want to stay with us and hear the best part.”

Almost as if on command, Wen Chao’s lip wobbled, and Lan Qiren’s heart involuntarily jumped as he thought about dealing with another screaming fit.

“A-Niang, can’t you stay?” he whined, and Lan Qiren felt his resolve crumbling when he looked back at Wen Ruohan and saw a victorious expression on his face.

What an awful man, weaponizing his own child to prevent Lan Qiren from leaving. If the children weren’t present, Lan Qiren would have throttled him at that moment.

Lan Qiren’s anger almost boiled over, but like he had become accustomed to doing in the presence of others he swallowed it down and settled for glaring daggers at his husband.

He sat at the edge of the bed, and swatted Wen Ruohan’s hand away as it came forward to pull him closer.

“I will sit here, that is final.”

Tch. As if he had any sort of authority over the man to declare finality.

Wen Ruohan snorted but pulled his hand back, turning to the page of the story book which Lan Qiren had left off at.

“Now, where were you? Ah, this is my favorite part too.” He cleared his throat, and used that deep, reverberating voice to read aloud.

“Heng E did the only thing she could think of to prevent Feng Meng from stealing her husband’s prized elixir– she hastily drank it it down, and before she knew it, the earth shrank below her as she flew up into the sky to join the heavens.”

Lan Qiren looked on as Wen Ruohan continued to read the story, his sons listening with enchantment as the story progressed. It was an old story, one that had been told to them over a hundred times already, but Lan Qiren supposed that the fact that Wen Ruohan himself was telling it to them was what made it feel new.

When Lan Qiren was still that young, impressionable boy dreaming about his future with Wen Ruohan, this was what he had imagined. Despite the numerous flaws that his companions and even his brother had assigned to Wen Ruohan, Lan Qiren had never doubted the kind of father that the alpha would be to their children. That hope had been crushed after it was announced that Wen Ruohan was to marry the daughter of another prominent clan in order to ascend to sect leader, and had doubly been crushed when they had finally married and Lan Qiren witnessed his husband’s treatment of his existing children. Yet still, a stubborn, traitorous flicker of hope sparked in Lan Qiren’s heart, one that he had been unable to tamp out since the day of their long-awaited wedding. He swallowed hard, his hand subconsciously going to stroke at his distended stomach. He tuned out the rest of the story, muddled by his own thoughts, and only came back to the present as the tale concluded.

“...So there she sat, trapped on the moon for the rest of eternity. Accompanied only by a jade rabbit as she looked down longingly at her husband, who waited for her return until his very last breath.”

Wen Chao’s eyelids were drooping, an indication that he was starting to get drowsy. Yet even in his state of sleepiness, he didn’t want this moment with his father to end. Grabbing onto the sleeve of Wen Ruohan’s ornate robes, he asked his father a question he’d never thought to ask his nannies.

“If he was so amazing, why couldn’t Hou Yi go up to Heng E in the end?”

“He was a mere human and Heng E was now immortal. He was just as able as you are to reach the moon.”

“But didn’t he love her?”

“He did, but love wasn’t enough to bring her back to him. He spent the rest of his life loving her, but it did not change their reality.”

“Poor Heng E.” Wen Chao lamented, and his father nodded in agreement.

“Poor her.”

Lan Qiren remembered when the tale of Heng E was told to him in his own childhood, though it wasn’t as tragically romantic as the one being told to the children now. Perhaps because it was more aligned with the virtues of the Lan clan; instead of Hou Yi’s apprentice Feng Meng trying to steal the god-given elixir, it was Heng E’s own husband that she swallowed the elixir to thwart.

Lan Qiren had grown up believing that Hou Yi, as gifted as an archer as he was, had let human nature cloud his judgement and turn him into a tyrant, and in order to prevent him from unleashing eternal suffering on their people once he became immortal, Heng E had drank the elixir. She loved her husband, but Wen Ruohan’s words rang true– love was not enough to bring them together, as Heng E’s pure heart and duty to her people outmatched her love for Hou Yi.

The idea had been ingrained in Lan Qiren since he was young, the importance of morality and accountability, even with those you loved. To him, his sect had always come before his individuality, and he felt as though even now, such a sentiment remained true.

Did that mean that Heng E’s love– or even Lan Qiren’s love– was conditional? Was it that she did not love him enough to overlook his cruelty, or was it that her husband did not love her enough to stop himself? Was it still love, when Lan Qiren looked at Wen Ruohan through a fractured glass of hopeful affection and biting contempt? Could he let himself love the man he’d wanted since he was an adolescent, even at the cost of peace for his sect?

After the story had been put away, Wen Xu asked his father about what the man had wanted to say to them. Wen Ruohan nodded, the smirk on his face returning. His eyes flickered up to Lan Qiren’s own, before meeting the curious gazes of his sons.

“As you two have probably surmised by now, your dear A-Niang is expecting a child– your new sibling. I’ve come here to advise you both to take care of him whenever I am unable to, as he is very fragile in his current state.”

Lan Qiren snapped out of his daze at his husband’s response, and that wistful wondering vanished, replaced by barely suppressed anger. He was so appalled that he could barely speak, and with an affronted inhale, he stood up to leave. How dare he– this man, so unabashedly speaking as such to his children, as if Lan Qiren was fragile and unable to take care of himself? He had a litany of maids and guards at his service, but Wen Ruohan chose to humiliate him by recruiting children at the ages of four and nine to look after him?

“Shameless!” Lan Qiren spat out, venom in his tone as he fought the itching urge to backhand Wen Ruohan across the face. Wen Ruohan, ever attuned to Lan Qiren, noticed the trembling in his hand and grabbed it in a firm grip. Lan Qiren tried to yank it out, but the harder he tried, the more his skin chafed against the alpha’s own. Wen Ruohan’s voice was light as he addressed his sons again, as if Lan Qiren’s anger was a mere fly buzzing in the background.

“A-Xu, you are old enough to have your own quarters. Once your sibling is born, you shall choose which room you want, and A-Chao will stay in the nursery with the baby. That is all I’ve come to say, so be good now and go to bed.”

Lan Qiren finally managed to wrench his hand out of Wen Ruohan’s, and without another word, left the room. As he left, he could hear the excited whispers of Wen Xu at the prospect of getting a new room, and Wen Chao’s complaints at the same prospect. 

Lan Qiren felt Wen Ruohan’s burning eyes on him all the way back to his rooms, but he didn't dare look back once.

 

Of course, as Lan Qiren had expected, Qingheng-Jun had no intention of apologizing to Wen Ruohan. Once he’d received Lan Qiren’s letter that had instructed him to do so for the safety of their own sect, he had only responded with a more aggressive outburst.

Lan Qiren almost cried– he’d been a bargaining chip all his life; from when it came time to overtake Qingheng-Jun’s responsibilities to prevent his denouncement as sect leader, when his sect had given him up to marriage with Wen Ruohan to prevent tensions from rising, to having a baby just to soften and slow Wen Ruohan down. But everything he’d worked for, was undone in a single night by his brother whose pride triumphed above all.

He clearly understood why the two alphas hated each other– they were much too alike to truly have gotten along, and Lan Qiren knew that his brother’s state had only gotten worse after he’d been separated from Lan Furen.

His concern was not so much his brother, but of those who would fall victim to the ego contest between the two men– the disciples, Lan Furen, and the little nephew (now two of them, Lan Qiren had learned from recent correspondence with Lan Furen) who had done nothing wrong except have the misfortune to be disgraced with such an incompetent sect leader.

When Wen Ruohan received Qingheng-Jun’s strongly worded, and unapologetic letter, he’d flown into a rage of his own.

“Burn the entire mountain down.”

Lan Qiren had been in the throne room that day, sitting in his own gilded seat beside his husband as he read over the minor disputes that had been brought up to the sect leader– attention diverting when one of the servants brought Qingheng-Jun’s letter forward, and watching with a building dread as the easy mask slipped off Wen Ruohan’s face in favor of unbridled fury.

He hadn’t even looked at Lan Qiren as he gave his head of advisory the command, to which the man had even been surprised– only responding with a white-faced nod.

Lan Qiren jumped up immediately.

“No!” He shouted to the advisor, and the man looked back, paler than ever. He looked between Lan Qiren and Wen Ruohan with fear in his eyes.

Wen Ruohan still refused to look at Lan Qiren, addressing the advisor.

“You work for me, you heard what I said.”

“Wen Ruohan, don’t you dare!”

“Don’t I dare? It is your brother who has done this– am I just to sit back while he disrespects me, and you protect him?”

“I am not protecting him, I am telling you that burning down Gusu will solve nothing. It’ll only make things worse!”

Wen Ruohan’s face had become dangerously dark, and Lan Qiren didn’t think that he’d ever had such a sinister expression leveled at him before. His husband stepped closer until they were nose to nose, staring him down. Lan Qiren stood stock still, staring back with equally matched anger.

“You are my omega, and your allegiance is with me and my sect. Don’t think that just because I allow you to sit in on meetings and let you roam free, that you are allowed to disparage me however you want. I have tolerated much till now, but this I cannot overlook.”

The words struck hatred in Lan Qiren, but instead of more yelling or even hitting, he felt a burn behind his eyes, oncoming tears.

“I am well aware of my place here, and understand that my brother deserves to be punished. But his children, wife, and the disciples do not.”

Wen Ruohan stared back blankly.

“He is the sect leader. His behavior reflects upon the entire sect.”

“He is unwell, and he is selfish! Punish him, but please, don’t hurt anybody else. If you burn down Gusu now, it will force the other sects to weaponize against you, and you won’t be able to achieve your goals without an all-out war breaking out.”

“What makes you think Qishan is not ready for war?” The alpha snarled out the question.

“It is still too small to go up against all of the sects at once, and you know that. Burning Gusu will ruin everything you’ve worked for.”

When Wen Ruohan didn’t seem to change mood even despite Lan Qiren’s pleading, the omega fell to the ground, sobbing. Wen Ruohan just barely caught him before he hit the ground with a heavy thud. The overwhelming shackles of his helplessness stole his breath, and he cursed both himself, his brother, and Wen Ruohan. He thought about his sister-in-law and her rare moments of clarity, of little Lan Xichen who had been only five when he’d last seen him before the wedding. He thought about tiny, unknowing Lan Wangji, who he hadn’t even gotten to meet yet. His masters, his colleagues– he’d tried everything he could, and yet still– would he fail to save them?

Lan Qiren’s hysteric collapse seemed to break through some of the frost of Wen Ruohan’s stubbornness— after all, despite how long they’d known each other, he’d never seen Lan Qiren cry as loud and ardently as he currently did, never seen the omega show so much of the misery he concealed for his own peace of mind. With a silent wave of his hand, he dismissed their audience.

Wen Ruohan sighed and cursed to himself, gathering Lan Qiren’s all but limp body in his strong arms and taking him to what Lan Qiren presumed were Wen Ruohan’s rooms.

It was confirmed when Lan Qiren felt himself laid down on soft red, silk sheets– ones that smelled of Wen Ruohan and to a lesser degree, himself. He turned his face into the pillow below his head, continuing to cry. As humiliating as it was to let his emotions loose in front of Wen Ruohan like this, Lan Qiren knew that if he didn’t let go of all his sorrow now, he never would.

He felt the bed dip beside him as a hand circled around his ankle, squeezing tightly in warning.

“I cannot let his insults go unaccounted for.”

Lan Qiren shook his head.

“You will do more harm than good.”

“You cannot convince me to let this go.”

“I don’t intend to. Da-xiong has crossed the line, I understand that. But the rest of the clan is innocent. If you kill them, I will never forgive you.”

Wen Ruohan drew back at the sudden hostility.

“What else do you expect me to do?”

Lan Qiren rubbed at his eyes, already starting to feel dizzy with his blurred vision and aching mind, body, soul. Even so, at the small emotional leeway Wen Ruohan had given him, a plan formulated in Lan Qiren’s mind.

“You do not have to resort to violence. Stop, just listen. For his behavior as a sect leader, I can convince the elders to force Da-xiong to give up his title and go into seclusion. They’ve wanted to do so for a while now, and after disgracing the entire sect’s reputation, it will not be difficult. He will be stripped of all his authority.”

Wen Ruohan stared off into the distance with a furrowed brow, as if in thought. He didn’t respond to Lan Qiren, but the fingers around his ankle began to stroke at his skin.

“If I can get the clan to accept a regent clan leader for Lan Xichen, then my brother will be permanently barred from ever holding power again.”

“And what if this regent is just as bad as your brother, and the little brat makes things more difficult in the future?”

“They won’t. The clan will be less stable, and it will be easier to appoint a puppet sect leader for the Wen. In the meantime, if we bring Lan Xichen here for his education, I will be able to teach him the same as Wen Xu and Wen Chao. When it comes time for him to be appointed sect leader, it will be as if the Lan and Wen were one clan. Being strategic about control is better than trying to obtain it through brute force, for the sake of both of the sects.”

He could tell from the expression on Wen Ruohan’s face that Lan Qiren’s plan had taken root in his mind, and all he had to do was convince him that it was the best course of action for their clan. And though it made Lan Qiren sick to essentially merge the Lan and the Wen, it was the only opening he saw in which the innocent did not take the fall.

He sat up and shuffled over to that he was sitting in front of his husband. With a stuttering breath, he steeled himself. Taking the hand previously wrapped around his ankle, Lan Qiren brought it up to his pronounced stomach. He was already halfway through with the pregnancy, and the farther along he was, the more gentle Wen Ruohan was with his touches.

He could feel Wen Ruohan’s hot hand against the curve of his belly, and the coolness of his own hand that rested atop the larger one.

“My allegiance is to you and to our child. I want what is best for you and the clan, but also for our child. I fear that the stress of war will be too much for such a tiny little thing, and for myself.”

Wen Ruohan’s unoccupied hand went up to wipe a dried tear from the corner of Lan Qiren’s red rimmed eye, and Lan Qiren allowed himself to lean into the touch as he sniffed quietly.

“Consider it, before you do something that you cannot take back.”

 

The night had ended victorious for Lan Qiren, with the promise of safety for his sect and with Wen Ruohan’s head buried between his thighs.

It had been a long time since the two had been intimate– much longer than usual, since the clan business had taken up much of Wen Ruohan’s time and the stresses of pregnancy had effectively killed Lan Qiren’s sex drive in the first few months.

But with emotions running high on both ends, and Lan Qiren riding the feeling of relief, he had, for the first time since their wedding night, initiated intercourse with his husband. Now that Wen Ruohan had all but agreed to let the Cloud Recesses stand, Lan Qiren figured that a little consolation was in order, if he was going to stay in his husband’s good graces.

And perhaps Wen Ruohan felt the same way after making Lan Qiren experience such stress and misery, because as soon as the two had parted from a heated kiss, Wen Ruohan had moved Lan Qiren to lean up against the headboard of the bed, back supported by pillows as he rested at a gentle incline with his legs parted around Wen Ruohan’s kneeling body. The alpha had given one last peck to Lan Qiren’s lips, before he moved down to where Lan Qiren’s body waited for him in shivering anticipation. He left biting kisses on the insides of the omega’s thighs, sinking his teeth in harder with each sigh Lan Qiren let out, until he reached his destination.

Lan Qiren wasn't usually very loud in bed— whether it was because of his upbringing or because of his own aversion towards shameful displays, but it took a lot to get him to lose control of his voice. Even then, the most he relinquished were whimpering sobs and gasping, low moans. The pregnancy had made him all the more sensitive to Wen Ruohan's touch, and the heady scent of an aroused alpha only made Lan Qiren's own lust rise. He felt Wen Ruohan's mouth roam over his lower body, tongue laving over Lan Qiren's stiff cock briefly before moving down to his wet hole. Lan Qiren clenched involuntarily as he felt the damp huffs of his husband against his taint, and threw his head back against the pillows as he felt Wen Ruohan's tongue swipe over the slick-covered entrance.

“A-Han.." Lan Qiren rasped out, breath hitching at the soft tone that melted from his lips subconsciously. Said man popped up from between Lan Qiren's legs to deliver an arrestingly handsome smirk, responding with a low, “A-Ren" in turn.

He dove back to lap at Lan Qiren's entrance, moving slowly so that he could hear the hushed breaths that Lan Qiren wasn't able to stop through his bitten lips.

It was agony— The touch, the heat, the thrum of blood rushing through Lan Qiren's veins like a torrent of thunderous rain. He let his eyes fall shut, and his head fell back against the bed's headboard. The omega felt his grip on the silk sheets slipping as Wen Ruohan's head began to bob faster, and his slender fingers grabbed at the inky hair that had come loose from its bun. When it became too much he pulled, unsure whether to pull his husband away or rut against his face as if he was in heat. His hazy mind finally settled on the former, and he yanked Wen Ruohan's head away right before his orgasm crashed over him.

“Not yet," He hissed out, using whatever strength was left in him to push Wen Ruohan away. The action only served to rile the alpha up more, as he pulled Lan Qiren down to lay on the bed. Wen Ruohan hovered over Lan Qiren, hair falling around his face in a dark halo as he drank in Lan Qiren's form. He didn't blink, even as his hand roved over the taut swell of Lan Qiren's stomach. The intensity unnerved the omega, stirring discomfort in his heart. Unwittingly, he felt his body caving a little under the unflinching gaze, and as the weight on his stomach made it harder to lie flat on his back, he turned his body to the side.

He ran his fingers through the slickness that had come from his entrance and from Wen Ruohan's enthusiasm, craning his neck to narrow his eyes at the alpha's member.

“Hurry up."

Wen Ruohan scoffed. Lan Qiren didn't know how he expected the intimate mood to last very long, especially with how upset he'd made the omega that evening. He could see the debate in Wen Ruohan's eyes: would he give into Lan Qiren and maintain the heady mood they'd established, or would he attempt to exert dominance over the omega again?

“Ask me nicely." The alpha replied, only sounding mildly petulant.

Lan Qiren's eyes narrowed further.

Hurry up. Or I will go back to my chambers."

The threat was empty, though Wen Ruohan had no way of knowing. For all he knew, Lan Qiren would leave him there high and dry and return to his chambers to sleep without a single glance back at Wen Ruohan. Wen Ruohan was under the impression that intimacy wasn't a priority for Lan Qiren, given how cold he could be whenever the alpha angered him. Lan Qiren preferred it this way, as his lust was one of the few things that he felt he still had direct control over. As forceful and hedonistic as Wen Ruohan could be, he had never forced himself upon Lan Qiren— the omega figured that the alpha would not sacrifice the love between them in favor of dominating the omega, not willing to sever whatever emotional connection they had left for control.

Wen Ruohan didn't need to know about the jade phalluses that Lan Qiren kept hidden away in his room for when he couldn't stave off his longing for the alpha, nor did he need to know how unsatisfactory the cold stone felt from his own. Lan Qiren had made the threat of leaving, but he didn't think he could actually do it if Wen Ruohan refused to concede.

The alpha scowled down at him, but didn't retort. He fisted a handful of Lan Qiren's hair as he rested his upper body on his forearms, leading Lan Qiren into a bruising kiss. Lan Qiren let him have that much, hissing when the alpha dragged his lower lip as he pulled back to meet the fervent desire in his gaze.

“Let's see if you are strong enough to walk back to your chambers, after we are done."

 

Lan Qiren reunited with nephew when he was in his last months of pregnancy, and it was also the first time he’d met little Lan Zhan, who was closer in age to the baby in Lan Qiren's stomach than to his elder brother.

It was getting much harder for Lan Qiren to walk throughout the palace, and much of the day found him lost in meditation, but he’d heaved himself out of bed and to the courtyard as soon as he’d gotten word that his nephews had arrived.

Lan Huan had gotten taller since the last time Lan Qiren had seen him, and unlike the shy yet bright child Lan Qiren remembered him to be, this Lan Huan was sullen and quiet, with red rimmed eyes that refused to meet his uncle’s own.

A nursemaid had come along with the two little boys. When Lan Qiren greeted her, she presented him with Lan Zhan, who despite the arduous trip to Qishan, was fast asleep in the blankets wrapped around him. He had taken Lan Zhan into his grasp with one arm, and the other one came down to hold Lan Huan’s little hand. The boy, despite being as upset as he was, took Lan Qiren’s fingers wordlessly, gripping tightly.

They entered the throne room where Wen Ruohan sat, and Lan Qiren encouraged the little boy to give the alpha a perfunctory introduction and gratitude for allowing the children to stay there. Lan Qiren kept his expression blank in front of the children, trying not to give them any clue to how afraid he felt for fear of scaring them further, and to prevent Wen Ruohan from lording it over him.

After the alpha had acknowledged them (barely a glance at either child before becoming disinterested,) he sent them away for the rest of the day, expecting Lan Qiren to acquaint Lan Huan with the palace. As Lan Huan was to be the next sect leader for the Cloud Recesses, it was Lan Qiren’s job to prepare him, with instances of Wen Ruohan’s own tutelage to ensure that the youth was truly ready to be his proxy. But Lan Qiren, as convincing he was at soothing Wen Ruohan’s ego at this late in his pregnancy, had wanted his nephew’s training to start later, and his husband, content in the fact that his victory was inevitable, had allowed it.

As soon as Lan Qiren was alone with Lan Huan and Lan Zhan in his rooms, the elder of the two had promptly burst into tears. The child had tried to contain his emotions and put on a brave face— no doubt at the behest of the Lan elders— but as soon as he realized that they were alone, he’d let the torrent of emotions loose and Lan Qiren could only hold him through it. Putting Lan Zhan in the middle of his bed, still sleeping, he gathered the trembling boy into his arms and rocked him back and forth stiffly. He wasn’t sure that it would be sufficient comfort, but Lan Huan had all but collapsed against him.

He cried until his sobs petered off into breathy hiccups, and only once he'd managed to quiet himself down for his brother's sake, did he look up at Lan Qiren with the most devastating expression possible.

“Shushu… Why?"

Lan Qiren sighed, trying not to let himself crack in front of yet another child that relied on him.

“I will explain more when you are older. For now, all you need to do is listen to me and Sect Leader Wen, to keep everybody safe."

“I want to go back to A-Niang." His heart squeezed at the thought of his sister-in-law.

“I know, child. But your mother is safer in Gusu, and you are safer here. You will see her as soon as you can, I promise."

Lan Qiren didn't want to make empty promises to Lan Huan, so he settled with the most vague platitude he could think of. That much was sure— Lan Huan would see his mother again— the question of when, however, was not so clear. Lan Qiren didn't have the strength to tell his nephew such, deciding that he had already burdened the child too much with his proposed solution to Wen Ruohan's Cloud Recesses problem. He felt the guilt rise up in him thick as bile as he looked back at little Lan Zhan, starting to stir after all the noise his brother had made. Would he even recognize his mother, by the time they saw her again?

“She was crying when they took A-Zhan. She'll be all lonely and sad with Fuqin."

There was a lot of concern in Lan Huan's tiny voice, and Lan Qiren hated that he couldn't do anything to negate it. For such a child to worry about his mother, especially in regards to his father— Lan Qiren's brother frustrated him to no end, even when he wasn't present.

“We'll send letters to her, so that she won't be lonely. And your father won't bother her, he will be busy meditating."

“His… sec-esclus—"

“Yes, seclusion."

There was a pensive pause, and Lan Huan pulled away from Lan Qiren to scoot up in the bed to his brother. Lan Zhan had been roused from his slumber, and he began to squirm as he woke up. Lan Qiren watched as his elder nephew pushed his pointer finger into his little brother's outstretched ones, and watched with quiet relief as Lan Zhan latched on, ceasing his squirming when he identified the familiar scent of his brother.

Had Lan Qiren and his own brother looked like that, once? He could hardly remember a time when his brother had been so gentle to him. Protective, yes, especially after Lan Qiren had presented as an omega, but caring? Loving? He couldn't recall. Qingheng-Jun's protection was as much for his ego and control as it was for Lan Qiren's honor, and Lan Qiren knew it was better to forget it all together. Qingheng-Jun had made his choices, and so had Lan Qiren. All he needed to do now to make sure that love and gentleness Lan Huan was filled with never drained away. For his own sake, and for the little brother that relied on him more than either of them realized.

“I miss Gusu." Lan Huan whispered out with a shaky breath, playing with the chubby fingers that Lan Zhan had latched on with. Lan Qiren nodded in solemn agreement, closing his eyes and seeing the sparse winter trees and crystal clear rivers behind his eyelids.

“I miss home, too."

 

Despite Lan Qiren's unspoken concern regarding his nephews' education and presence in Qishan, it didn't seem as much of a problem for Wen Ruohan as the omega had initially thought. He'd been afraid at first, that Wen Ruohan's resentment for Qingheng-Jun would extend to his children, but it seemed that Wen Ruohan was at best, indifferent to Lan Zhan, and saw potential in Lan Huan.

That potential was another thing for Lan Qiren to worry about, but for the moment, he could deal with it. All that mattered was that his nephews were safe.

Though there was much uncertainty with Wen Ruohan's reaction, Lan Qiren should have probably taken other perspectives into account, ones that he had not given reverence to at all— that of his stepchildren. Wen Xu had been silent for the most part, stewing in contemplation when Lan Huan and Lan Zhan first joined the rest of them for dinner. For the first week or so, they had stayed in Lan Qiren's room, seeking comfort in his familiarity after arriving in such a foreign place. But eventually, they were expected to join the Wens for meals, Wen Ruohan not wanting Lan Qiren to grant favoritism to his nephews over his children.

Wen Xu watched on, assessing Lan Huan's threat level in much of the same way his father did, but Wen Chao, on the other hand, was not nearly so discreet. He asked whatever came to mind, uncaring and seemingly unaware of the implications his questions posed.

“A-Niang, who's this kid?" He pointed at Lan Huan with his hand smeared in sauce, to which the boy looked back at him with wide eyes.

Lan Qiren had felt the headache come on as he set his cup of tea down. He knew this conversation would not end quickly once it started, especially not when Wen Chao was involved.

“Wen Chao, manners. Wipe your hand. Pointing at another is disrespectful."

“Yeah, but, who is he? He doesn't look like a Wen at all."

“He is my nephew, and he will be staying with us for the time being."

“But why?"

“His mother has entrusted me with his education and upbringing."

“Will he be with us during lessons?"

“Yes."

Wen Chao's face twisted up at the response, and he didn't bother hiding his expression, even when Lan Huan's face reddened in embarrassment. He looked past Lan Huan, and turned his attention to the nanny that held Lan Zhan. The infant had been fed before the rest of them sat for dinner, but Lan Qiren hadn't wanted to let the child out of his sight yet. Thus, she sat with him in a seat behind the dining table. Wen Chao continued.

“Why is my nanny holding that baby? Did my little brother come yet? If he did, why are you still fat, A-Niang?"

Lan Qiren's growing frown had frozen in shock, and in the baffled silence that followed, Wen Ruohan let out a guffaw that he could barely hold in.

Lan Qiren's head snapped to the end of the table, where his husband pressed a hand to his mouth and looked away, and a snarl grew on his face at the sight. Humiliation surged through his body, emotions heightened by the dreaded hormones he'd acquired during the pregnancy. Oh, he hated this man. He had the worst timing in the world, and always knew just how to make Lan Qiren feel worse. Wen Chao was a child, his behavior could be explained away by his upbringing, and the adults that had misguided him in his short little life. But Wen Ruohan, this adult man who could make Lan Qiren burn with fury at a single laugh and with lust at a single smirk? Lan Qiren wondered what would happen if he took his plate and threw it at the alpha's head.

Lan Qiren already knew that his husband was unwell, with his temper indecipherable and his mental state always being called into question. Would throwing the food at him, in an attempt to make him feel even a little bit of the mortification that he'd inflicted upon Lan Qiren, push the alpha over the edge of insanity? Lan Qiren already felt like he was at the edge himself, so really, wasn't it more a matter of which one of them plummeted first?

Still, he reminded himself of the children— children, somehow, so many children, just only a couple of years ago did he resign himself to be a bachelor for the rest of his life, now he was a poor facsimile of a mother to so many children— and he took a breath. He pried his gaze away from his husband, and leveled Wen Chao with a hard look.

“I will not tolerate such disgraceful behavior. Go to your room and reflect."

Wen Chao looked surprised at the harshness of his words, and his lower lip immediately began to wobble at the scolding.

“B-But—!"

“Go. I will not repeat myself."

Tears filled the child's eyes, and Lan Qiren felt a flash of regret. But he could not let himself grow soft on a disobedient child. He stared back at Wen Chao. When Wen Chao realized that he was being punished, he huffed, slamming his hands down on the table and jumping out of his seat to run out of the dining room.

“Fine! I hate A-Niang anyway!" He yelled out, voice a bit warbled, storming out of the room in a noisy flurry as one of the nannies ran after him.

After he had left, the table fell into an uncomfortable silence, and Lan Qiren could feel everybody's eyes on him. His appetite vanished near instantly. The omega stood up carefully, steadying himself against the table as he felt the world tilt a little, and nodded to both Lan Huan and the nanny holding Lan Zhan.

Without another word, he left the dining room as well, his nephews hot on his heels and his back as straight as a board. He chanced a look back at Wen Ruohan, who hadn't said anything either, but Lan Qiren took the smallest amount of pleasure in finding that any amusement the alpha had expressed before had dissipated.

 

“Do you love Sect Leader Wen, Shushu?"

Lan Qiren's gaze slowly slid over to Lan Huan, his nephew peeking up at him from where he was buried underneath his covers. He had expected the child to be asleep by now, as he sat at the chair by the open window. Lan Zhan was cradled in his arms, fed and asleep.

The infant had been fussing throughout the entire day, and seemed only to calm when either Lan Qiren or Lan Huan was near. The omega knew that it was because of the child's scent perception— he recognized the scents of his brother and uncle, and sought them out with increasing fervor. Lan Qiren had finally managed to get him to settle, and just as he'd decided to put Lan Zhan in his cradle and leave, Lan Huan had spoken up.

Ever since arriving at the Scorching Sun Palace, there had been a layer of seriousness that had enveloped Lan Huan. He had always been an obedient child, but under Wen Ruohan's supervision, he seemed to become even more subdued.

The question was not surprising to Lan Qiren, but his expectation of it did not make it any easier to answer. Lan Qiren knew that in his short memory, Lan Huan had seen how unhappy Lan Qiren had been at his wedding. It wasn't because he hated the thought of being married to Wen Ruohan, but more so because of the circumstances that led to their marriage— Wen Ruohan's first wife had died, and his marriage to Lan Qiren was purely political on the Lan's part, and purely selfish on Wen Ruohan's part. He had embarrassed Lan Qiren deeply after he had married his first wife all those years ago, and the thought of being second choice, not for love or even for his own sake, but so that Wen Ruohan wouldn't destroy his sect, had broken Lan Qiren's heart tenfold. He hadn't been able to muster a hint of joy during the ceremony, and had been in an unhappy state since then.

It wasn't an unusual conclusion for a child such as Lan Huan, who relied heavily on his senses to understand the world around him, to question the nature of their union.

Did he love Wen Ruohan? Had the question been asked in his youth, he would have replied steadfast and confident that yes, he did love Wen Ruohan. But now, he was already decades older than that foolish, hopeful youth, and the world had muddled that idyllic sense of love he'd once believed to have existed. Did he love his husband? Thinking of Wen Ruohan filled him with fury, annoyance, and lust. But love? He didn't know anymore.

“Why do you ask such a question, child?"

“Marriage is supposed to make you happy, right? Shushu doesn't look happy. Isn't Sect Leader Wen supposed to make you happy?"

Lan Qiren sighed, tucking Lan Zhan into his crib before coming to sit at the edge of Lan Huan's bed.

“Marriage isn't quite as easy as it's told to be. I cannot always be happy, but I've loved that man since I was a child myself."

“How can you love him if he makes you sad?"

Lan Qiren paused to think about how to respond. Did he want to lie to this child and feed him the same lies of happiness that he had been subject to? Or did he want to be truthful and risk dimming the faint spark of hope for the future that still burned within Lan Huan?

“I cannot help the fact that I love him, for the person he once was. Nor can I help the fact that he makes me sad. He is…. complicated. His heart has always been honest, but his life and his own vices have drowned out that honest light within. He is…. sick. Unwell."

“Like Fuqin?"

“You could say. I don't expect you to fully understand, nor do I expect you to feel obligated towards him. He is my burden to take on, my responsibility. The only responsibility that you should worry about is your education and your brother. Everything else, I will handle, until we can go home."

At the mention of Gusu, Lan Huan brightened up, and he looked at Lan Qiren with the eager hope that made his heart lurch.

“Can you tell me a story about Gusu when you were little? Did you play with the mountain bunnies too?

Lan Qiren relented a comforting half-smile, and let his memory pull him back to the dreamlike past of his youth as he picked anecdotes he thought Lan Huan would enjoy.

 

Lan Zhan was so tiny. Lan Qiren had held Lan Huan when he was first born, but he couldn't remember Lan Huan being nearly as tiny as Lan Zhan was. Lan Huan had been an easy child— he rarely cried, and Lan Qiren had found it easy to pull little giggles out of him whenever his parents were too immersed in their own worlds to take care of him. Still, he was born during a more stable period than Lan Zhan was, and though Lan Qiren knew it was probably just his temperament, he couldn't stop himself from thinking that Lan Zhan's personality reflected the circumstances of his short, tumultuous life.

Lan Zhan wasn't a particularly loud baby, but he was a fussy one. He was curious and wide-eyed, quietly observing for the most part, but he would cry until someone held and scented him. He slept fitfully without the presence of his brother and an omega, and was picky with the milk provided by his nursemaids.

There was something about Lan Qiren that the child clung to. He didn't know if it was because his scent was reminiscent of the Lan that Lan Zhan had been so used to, or because the scent of his milk had grown strong enough for the baby to detect. Lan Qiren held him whenever he could, knowing that interaction and skinship was crucial for children at this age, and through his guilt for ripping little Lan Zhan from his mother, Lan Qiren tried to comfort him the best he could.

It had been easy for Lan Qiren to love Lan Zhan, as easy as it had been for him to love Lan Huan. They were his family, his lifeline, his reason for pushing forward. This was true back when he was still in Gusu, and even more so now. Wen Xu and Wen Chao were also technically his children, but they were still Wen Ruohan's. He couldn't love them the same way he did his nephews, as awful as it was to admit to himself. 

Sometimes the sight of Lan Zhan's red face and squirming stopped Lan Qiren in his tracks, flooding him with fear.

He was now responsible for the life of this child, this innocent being that had no part in their political wars yet had lost so much to them. Was this the world that Lan Qiren's own child would be born into? Would he be able to raise them against the Wens socialization, so that someday they could see a better world for all of the Great Sects? Or would this child merely become another one of Wen Ruohan's spawn?

Lan Qiren rocked Lan Zhan back and forth in his arms as the baby continued to fuss, perhaps sensing the change in Lan Qiren's mood through his pheromones. He shushed him, looking over to the bed in which Lan Huan was fast asleep. Telling his nephew about Lan Qiren's own wayward youth had resulted in rare laughter from the child, and they had exchanged little stories until Lan Huan had been lulled into a peaceful sleep.

Lan Zhan, however, had been a different story, and Lan Qiren had decided to send the nanny away to care for the child himself. He looks so much like his father, Lan Qiren thought with a sigh as he traced his fingertip over the child's drawn brows, smoothing them out gently as he looked down at him. The baby sniffed, wriggling in the omega's arms and kneading at his navel with his pudgy fingers. Lan Qiren guided the tiny hand back into the blanket encasing him, only to be met with the baby's displeased whine.

Determining that Lan Zhan wasn’t ready to go to sleep just yet, Lan Qiren carried him out of the boys’ shared room and into his own quarters. Lan Qiren sat on the familiar softness of his bed, and freed Lan Zhan from his cloth prison. Almost immediately, the child rolled over on the bed, slowly pushing himself up onto his hands and knees to look around the bed. Lan Qiren watched as Lan Zhan struggled into a slow crawl, trying to keep his heavy head up as he cooed up at Lan Qiren. A slow smile spread onto the omega’s face, as he watched Lan Zhan’s little limbs give out soon after and the baby dropped back onto his stomach with a soft ‘oof.’

Lan Qiren flipped him onto his back so that he could breathe a bit easier, lifting his finger in front of Lan Zhan’s face for the baby to grasp, as he’d seen Lan Huan do before. Lan Zhan immediately took hold of his finger, bringing it to his mouth to chew.

“It’s much too early for you to crawl properly.” He couldn’t hide the fondness in his voice as he spoke to the child, who merely babbled back at him as he slobbered all over his captive finger.

“You are too young for many things, but I will raise you as a proper Lan. I have promised your mother that, so please grow up well.”

A lull drowned the room after Lan Qiren had finished speaking, the silence of the room only interrupted by the occasional noise from Lan Zhan. Lan Qiren could have watched him until the sun began to rise, if it weren’t for the sharp knock at the doors of his quarters.

“Enter,” He answered from where he sat on the bed, and the doors opened to reveal an apologetic nanny, one that Lan Qiren recognized as one of Wen Chao’s favorite nannies. Though he could guess what the issue was by the stressed out look on the nanny’s face and the way he wrung his hands as he stammered through an explanation, Lan Qiren listened till the end anyway.

Wen Chao refused to be put to bed, and Lan Qiren, as usual, was the last resort.

He waved the nanny away with a curt thanks, and gathered Lan Zhan into his arms as he made his way to the Wen children' s shared nursery. He’d been bonding with Lan Zhan, and he didn’t want to pass him off to a nanny just yet. He’d deal with Wen Chao’s tantrum, then put Lan Zhan to bed himself.

It was getting harder and harder for Lan Qiren to walk long distances with Lan Zhan in his arms, but he soon made it to the nursery with his feet aching only a bit.

Curiously, there weren’t any wails or screams coming from within the room as was per usual with Wen Chao’s tantrums. He couldn’t hear anything hit the floor, nor could he hear the pleading of Wen Chao’s maids, begging the boy to sleep.

Lan Qiren nodded to the guards as they opened the door for him, a question on the tip of his tongue. He didn’t get a chance to ask about the odd silence, though, since the doors opened to the sight of all the boys’ belongings strewn across the floor, the nannies frantically trying to pick them up, and two little figures by the edge of Wen Chao’s bed. As Lan Qiren walked into the room, the scene became clearer: Wen Xu stood across from his little brother with his hands balled into fists and a livid expression on his face, while Wen Chao stood with his head bowed, tears streaming down his face as one of his hands was held up to the side of his head. Wen Xu was saying something quietly to Wen Chao, the threat in his voice clear, and he must have said something to enrage Wen Chao in return because as soon as the words came out of his mouth, Wen Chao started shrieking and trying to hit his elder brother.

“He doesn’t! He doesn’t! You’re the worst, Da-ge! I hate you!”

The glint in Wen Xu’s eye and the twitch of his fingers told Lan Qiren that he’d strike again, and before he could do so, Lan Qiren pushed himself between the two boys, beginning to grow angry himself.

“Wen Chao! Wen Xu! What is the meaning of this?”

Wen Xu scoffed, looking away as he crossed his arms. He didn’t look at his brother nor Lan Qiren, merely stomping out of the room, no doubt to go tail after his father.

That left Wen Chao, who now looked up at Lan Qiren– and then to a wide-eyed Lan Zhan– with tears in his eyes. He reached out to clutch at Lan Qiren’s robes, lip wobbling.

“A-Niang…” He tried, but Lan Qiren stepped away. His voice betrayed his frustration, and he rubbed at his temple as if a vein was about to pop.

“How many times do I have to tell you that throwing fits like this is unacceptable? I have had enough of this, clean up the room this instant before I make your punishment worse.”

Lan Qiren’s tone was cutting, much more severe than the usual stern one that he used during Wen Chao’s strops.

At the reprimand, something seemed to dawn over Wen Chao as Lan Qiren watched his expression change from pitiful to hateful understanding. What he understood, Lan Qiren wasn’t sure, but his brows raised in surprise when Wen Chao let go, his little fists balling similar to how his elder brother’s had a few minutes ago.

“No.” His voice was resolute, and he glared back at Lan Qiren in a manner that looked so much like Wen Ruohan that Lan Qiren was struck still for a moment. When he recovered, Lan Qiren squared his shoulders, narrowing his eyes down at the belligerent child.

“No?” His voice was ice cold.

“No!” Wen Chao yelled back, startling Lan Zhan. The baby, who had been on the verge of falling asleep on Lan Qiren’s shoulder, awoke with a start, and began to cry.

Lan Qiren looked away from Wen Chao to shush Lan Zhan, whispering platitudes to the baby as he tried to calm him down. He waved a nanny over, handing Lan Zhan over to her so that she could soothe him while Lan Qiren dealt with Wen Chao.

Wen Chao watched it all, shoulders beginning to shake as he lost his resolve. Tears filled his eyes again, and he pointed at Lan Qiren as he too began to cry.

“Da-ge was right, you hate me now! Because of this ugly baby and that stupid Lan Huan, you don’t love A-Chao anymore! I hate you too, A-Niang!”

Lan Qiren’s anger began to dissipate, confusion taking its place.

“What nonsense are you spouting?”

Wen Chao messily wiped at the tears that streamed down his cheeks, his voice reduced to sobs.

“Da-ge– he said that now that you have him–” he directed his finger accusingly at Lan Zhan, “You love him, and Lan Huan, and the baby in your belly. You don’t have space for A-Chao anymore!”

Lan Qiren felt a blush grow on his cheeks as he became flustered, unsure about how to deal with this situation. Children could be cruel, but Wen Xu had truly learned well from his father on how to bring someone to the edge. He had to ease Wen Chao’s worries of being replaced, didn’t he? But how could he do it without sounding colder than he usually did, with the softness of a mother that Wen Chao needed— and Lan Qiren didn’t think he was capable of?

“You hate me, right!” Wen Chao wailed, to which Lan Qiren shook his head.

“I don’t hate you.” He aimed for a neutral tone, but it just made him sound stand-offish. He winced to himself, but the statement seemed like enough to break Wen Chao out of his heartbroken wailing. He hiccuped, looking at Lan Qiren warily through his tears.

“You don’t?” 

“No, I don’t.”

“B-but Da-ge said—”

“Your brother knows nothing of who I love or hate. Pay him no mind.” Lan Qiren leaned down to take Wen Chao’s hand in his own, and led him out the room. He inclined his head to wordlessly tell the nanny carrying Lan Zhan to follow, and led Wen Chao in the direction of his rooms.

“You’ve made a mess of your room, so you’ll be sleeping with me tonight. Your punishment will be determined in the morning, as will your brother’s.” 

Wen Chao didn’t seem to hear the latter sentence, stuck on the fact that he would be sleeping in Lan Qiren’s rooms. He’d never slept in the same bed as the omega no matter how much he begged or how explosive his tantrums were, and now that he had the chance, his previous anger was long forgotten.

Wiping his nose with the sleeve of his nightshirt, he looked up at Lan Qiren with quiet hope.

“Your room?”

“Yes, but just for tonight.”

“A-Niang, you love me that much?” 

Lan Qiren huffed, but there was no harshness in it.

“Disobedient child, what do you think?”

Half an hour after Wen Chao’s outburst had started, Lan Qiren sat with the child on his bed squeezed as close to him as he could, as the two of them watched Lan Zhan, energized after having his nap interrupted, fiddle with a small toy as he lay on his back.

Lan Qiren put a hand on the top of Wen Chao’s head, imitating something he’d seen Wen Ruohan do before. It cheered Wen Chao up a bit, enough to be receptive to conversation.

“A-Zhan’s mother is far away, and I promised her that he wouldn’t be lonely here. She is like my beloved sister, so I cannot break this promise. I love him and A-Huan, and they need that love more than ever now. But that does not mean that I love you any less. And I have never hated you. I never could.”

Wen Chao nodded obediently, sensing how serious Lan Qiren was about wanting to convey his perspective. Lan Qiren knew that this would not make Wen Chao immediately fond of Lan Huan and Lan Zhan, but it was a step in the right direction. He needed to start by eliminating the perception of competition between them, if they were going to be raised along each other from now on. 

“A-Niang, I’m sorry. I don’t hate you. Actually, I love you the most.”

Lan Qiren’s mouth quivered into a small smile. He leaned lightly against Wen Chao, not enough to crush him with the extra weight but enough to solidify his presence. 

“I know. I did not doubt that. But we must work on controlling outbursts, so this doesn’t happen again in the future.”

Wen Chao nodded again, looking back at Lan Zhan. He plucked the toy from Lan Zhan’s grasp, waving it above his face and watching as the baby chased after it. Wen Chao made a face.

“A-Niang, is my sibling going to be an ugly baby like this one?”

“Wen Chao….”

“What? My A-Niang is so beautiful, but Nanny Jing is beautiful too and her baby is tiny and ugly like a red bean, so I’m worried…”

 

The last few weeks of Lan Qiren's pregnancy found it difficult for him to fall asleep. He had always been the type to pass out as soon as his head hit the pillow, but the incessant kicks from within his stomach, coupled with the nausea that had made its return to his aching body, had him exhausted and moody in what should have been the easiest part of the pregnancy. It was as if his body sensed that the day of his child's birth was near, as his agitation refused to ease no matter the remedy he tried.

Wen Ruohan, having sensed Lan Qiren's dim spirits over the last few days, had left him alone for the most part, aware that his presence tended to stress the omega out as the birth of their child grew closer. He hadn't made his nightly visits to Lan Qiren's chambers in almost a month as a result of the omega's current discomfort, but it wasn't too long before a sharp knock came from outside Lan Qiren's chamber doors. The knock was followed by the doors being pushed open, and his husband striding in with purpose.

Lan Qiren had been lying on his side, facing away from the entrance when he heard the sound of heavy footsteps approaching the bed. Wen Ruohan hadn’t said anything, but it was clear to Lan Qiren who had entered. From the sharp clicks of boots against the tiled floor, the heavy weight that settled beside him, the arm that wrapped around the underside of his stomach, to the distinct alpha scent that he would gladly suffocate in. Wen Ruohan was both painfully familiar yet foreign to Lan Qiren at the same time, and as it often did, Lan Qiren felt his body traitorously melt against the alpha’s as he spooned Lan Qiren from behind.

Gentle kisses were pressed into the nape of his neck, tracing the now scarred-over mating bite that Wen Ruohan had given to Lan Qiren the night of their wedding. Lan Qiren shivered when Wen Rohan nuzzled forward to take a deep sniff at his neck, lips grazing over the top of his spine. Wen Ruohan’s matching bite mark was hidden beneath the high collar of his formal robes, its existence known only to Lan Qiren and Wen Ruohan alone. It was untraditional, done at Wen Ruohan’s own request, but it had pleased Lan Qiren greatly at the time. Now, he wondered if it had healed as nicely as his own had.

Lan Qiren tried to feign sleep, but it soon became clear that Wen Ruohan wanted attention and wouldn’t be dissuaded easily.

“I’m too far along for this.” Lan Qiren was curt, but he made no move to push Wen Ruohan off. 

Another kiss was placed on him, this time on his jaw.

“I know,” Wen Ruohan returned, pausing briefly only to speak before nuzzling deeper into the space between his neck and shoulders.

“That’s not why I’ve come tonight, A-Ren.”

The hairs on Lan Qiren’s body raised not at the nickname, but how his husband said it. It was gentle… soft. Wen Ruohan’s voice rarely ever was. Even his touch was slower, hand under Lan Qiren’s belly rubbing the underside leisurely. Lan Qiren still didn’t turn around. He didn’t know what expression he would be greeted with, and he was afraid that it would make his heart ache something fierce– something it did more often than he would’ve liked, these days.

“Does it hurt?” 

Lan Qiren took a moment to figure out what the question was directed towards, before realizing that the caresses on his stomach had become heavier.

He shook his head, a bit awkward with his head against the pillow.

“It doesn’t. The kicks… our child is strong. But they’re sleeping now, so I’m fine.”

“I’m glad.”

They fell into silence, Wen Ruohan seemingly just content to be there with Lan Qiren and Lan Qiren unsure about how to receive the situation. Wen Ruohan had moments like this, but they were few and far in between. It rarely ever lasted till morning, and Lan Qiren had yet to get used to this dance between discomfort and familiarity.

“You know, I’d always dreamed of a moment like this.” Wen Ruohan’s voice was wistful, as if he were being taken back to times long gone. With the melancholic way he spoke to Lan Qiren, it was difficult not to get swept up in his husband’s world, whether it were real or not.

“I’d dreamed of having you like this, as my wife, anticipating our first child together. Your beauty has only increased since our wedding day, and the thought of our child makes me happier than I’ve ever been before. It nearly drove me crazy, thinking I’d never get to witness such a perfect sight.”

Was it the happiest for Lan Qiren, too? It should’ve been, because this too was what Lan Qiren had been dreaming of since he was young. But he’d wanted this with his Wen Ruohan, not this man who wore his lover’s face but acted so differently from the memories he had of him. He let Wen Ruohan continue talking.

“I hope the child turns out like my A-Ren. It’s our first, so they must be special. I already have too many children like me. If I had just one like my darling, I’d long for nothing else. I’d give them the world, and give them every happy moment that I wanted to give to you.”

Lan Qiren felt tears well up and burn their way into his eyes, and the lump in his throat had him clenching his teeth in an effort to compose himself. He couldn’t let himself cry now, not in front of Wen Ruohan when he was like this. It would almost have Lan Qiren think that he had his lover back. The mischievous, yet serious and understanding Wen Ruohan that had held him through his hardest moments, that had listened to his greatest fears. He would have been the most loving father, the most attentive confidant.

It had been years since he’d seen that loving Wen Ruohan– a decade, technically before the alpha’s first marriage. A decade too late, it seemed. Lan Qiren thought about his nephews and their uneasy rest in this unfamiliar place, and about Wen Chao who looked to him for comfort. Lan Qiren knew that it was his responsibility to raise them in a just and proper world, and part of that responsibility was to do whatever he could to realize that world for them. That sense of righteousness had been drilled into him since he was a child, and despite the years that had passed and Wen Ruohan’s greatest effort to integrate him into the Wen, the inclination had never left him.

His husband, Lan Qiren knew, was one of the biggest obstacles towards a happy future. In time, Lan Qiren would have to deal with him. His mind briefly flitted to the cluster of hairpins on the table near the bed, the thought of slashing them across his sleeping husband’s neck coming unbidden. It was tempting, really, but not as tempting at the moment as Wen Ruohan’s warm embrace. The alpha was saying something, but Lan Qiren couldn’t quite hear him. The heat of Wen Ruohan’s chest against his back, the feeling of his hot hands wandering his body lulled Lan Qiren deeper into his being. So close, they almost felt like one. Lan Qiren wanted to hide himself in that chest, just to curl away and dream on as if everything had turned out the way they’d wanted. He knew that it was impossible, but for now, the warmth was enough to distract him.

“I love you,” He heard it whispered in his ear, a kiss placed beside it.

I love you, he wanted to say it back.

 

It had been warmer than the usual night in Gusu, the frigid winter of the mountain slowly melting away into a cool spring. The moon hung high up in the sky, and the tense silence of the empty Cloud Recesses was as good of an indication as any that the mandated bed time had already passed.

Yet there Lan Qiren was, still in his nightclothes, being led by the hand through his own sect, by none other than the Wen's good-for-nothing sect heir, Wen Ruohan. It hadn't been that long since either of them had presented, and being seen alone together would have been enough to send the Lan elders as well as Da-xiong into a coma. Lan Qiren had known that from the very beginning, but still, when Wen Ruohan had come in the dead of night, knocking on the window of his quarters with nothing but a bottle of booze and that ever-enchanting smile, Lan Qiren had only hesitated for a moment before joining him.

It would be a whole thing, if his Da-xiong chose then to wake up and find Lan Qiren missing, and even worse when he found him with that cocky, arrogant Wen heir. He was the Lan clan's beloved omega son, and it was his duty to project the Lan's virtues through his obedient, omegan nature. But Lan Qiren wasn't quite as immune to Wen Ruohan's charm as his brother was, and he didn't think he would ever be— even if it ultimately shattered that perfect image of himself.

Lan Qiren didn't have much experience with love, both in his own experience and through the observation of others' relationships, but he believed that if he understood love for what it was, he was most definitely in love with Wen Ruohan.

And how couldn't he be? Sure, Wen Ruohan had a bit of a bad reputation, but all of that was surface level compared to the kind of person he was with Lan Qiren. He was just as burdened with the duties of his sect, and though he was not nearly as graceful with the responsibilities as Lan Qiren was, he clung to the facade of confidence just as desperately as Lan Qiren did. The real Wen Ruohan, when he was not putting on a brave face for his father and peers, was softer, more endearing. Romantic, even. They were more alike than different, and had chosen to share their vulnerabilities with each other, exclusively. When they were alone, they were just A-Ren and A-Han.

When they had first met, Lan Qiren had only seen what everybody else in the Cloud Recesses saw: An egotistic Wen who went through omegas, rules, and authority without a second thought. He'd thought that Wen Ruohan was untouchable, almost inhuman in his ability to strike at people's nerves, until that fateful moment a few months ago. Lan Qiren had been put on patrol to ensure that all of the students had retired for the night, when he stumbled across a lone figure on the trail leading to the springs.

There, he had seen the tears smeared across Wen Ruohan's face, the anguish in the twist of his expression, and his heart had given a traitorously hard beat at the sight. He could have scolded Wen Ruohan back then, or reported him to the elders for violation of his curfew. If he had, then maybe he wouldn't be here now, sneaking around under the supervision of the moon. But he hadn't. Instead, he had stood there quietly, even after he'd been caught staring, and had simply listened as the boy spilled his heart out, emptying all his fears and frustrations until all that was left between them was the heaving of his breath.

He didn't seem so untouchable, so arrogant, at the moment, and something about that raw emotion drew Lan Qiren towards him. He had asked some stupid question that he could no longer remember, and though he'd sneered, Wen Ruohan had answered. The conversation had been stilted and awkward at first, but something had clicked between the two of them, and before Lan Qiren knew it, he was pouring out his own grievances to this stranger. About how lonely he felt despite the praise he was showered under, the anger at having to conform to rules his brother broke daily, the image of the perfect Lan omega that became harder to maintain….

That had been months ago, and since then, the two had become impossibly closer. On the surface, they made an unlikely pair: a rowdy alpha teasing a shy, closed off omega. But in these quiet, stolen moments, their bond had solidified in a way only young love could nurture.

Lan Qiren looked skeptically as he watched Wen Ruohan climb onto the roof of the library farthest from the main living quarters, and when the young alpha looked back to see if the omega was following, he rolled his eyes.

“A-Han, someone will catch us."

Lan Qiren looked around discreetly.

Wen Ruohan snorted in return, holding a hand out to help the other up.

“Come on, everyone else is out like a light. You know better than I do that not a single person is out right now."

Lan Qiren frowned, but took the outstretched hand. He was pulled onto the roof as if he weighed nothing, and Lan Qiren blushed as he saw Wen Ruohan's arm flexing through his thin shirt as he steadied him against his chest. They settled against each other, Lan Qiren's shoulder digging into Wen Ruohan's side as he leaned against him.

It was dark, with the only illumination coming from the pale sheen of the moon. Lan Qiren watched the other as he lifted the jar of wine to his mouth, taking a heavy sip before holding it out to him. Lan Qiren shook his head, no, to which Wen Ruohan shrugged before putting the jar down on his other side.

“Let me get a look at you," He whispered into the crook of Lan Qiren's neck. “I didn't get my fill of my beautiful A-Ren all day, because that awful dog looked one step away from biting me on the spot."

Lan Qiren rolled his eyes, but faced Wen Ruohan with a barely concealed smile when a hand went up to caress his jaw.

“I told you to stop talking about Da-xiong like that, he has every reason to be protective. It's not like you've made it easy for him to be nice to you."

“Still, he should be a little nicer to his future brother-in-law."

Lan Qiren flushed bright red at the words, and though he knew the blush wouldn't be visible in the shadows of the night, the wicked look on Wen Ruohan's face told him that his expression gave him away anyway.

“It's still too early for such declarations…" Lan Qiren muttered out, avoiding Wen Ruohan's smug gaze. The alpha chuckled, turning so that he was in front of Lan Qiren as he lowered the omega onto his back. Lan Qiren went willingly, his vision consumed by Wen Ruohan's handsome face, the wisps of hair that fell in front of him, and the backdrop of the moon and stars as he looked down at Lan Qiren adoringly.

Wen Ruohan braced himself with his forearms as his knees encased Lan Qiren's body, and he lowered his head down to press a gentle kiss to the corner of Lan Qiren's mouth, to his jaw, down to his neck. Lan Qiren's body all but melted, overwhelmed by the scent of the alpha that he loved so much. They hadn't done much else besides kissing, and Lan Qiren didn't think he needed any more than this, anyway. His breaths came in gasps when Wen Ruohan's lips came in contact with his warm skin, and he had to push the alpha away before things went too far. After all, they hadn't even been properly courting yet, much less mated or married.

Wen Ruohan flopped down beside him, staring at the stars with a content expression.

“Oh please, our union is all but official. There's no way your father will reject my proposal— as far as alphas go, I'm the best of the best. And you're such a strong omega, my parents will definitely take a liking to you. It's all good politics for them, anyway, but all I want is to be with you."

Lan Qiren thought about a life with Wen Ruohan, a fantasy that he'd had more times that he could count. A life where they weren't limited to stolen moments at night, where it didn't matter what Da-xiong or anybody else thought— a loving marriage, perhaps with children that looked like the perfect mix of them, a partnership of trust and understanding that they both deserved. It was perfect, almost too perfect. Lan Qiren wished desperately for the future to arrive faster, wanting nothing more than to feel the bliss that reached just beyond his fingertips.

“What if it doesn't happen so smoothly? Fuqin is getting older, and Da-xiong is making more decisions for him by the day. He'll never approve of you."

Wen Ruohan snorted at the mention of Qingheng-Jun again.

“It'll happen, whether that dreadful ghoul likes it or not. Even if it takes me a hundred years and the heavens try to stop me, I'll do anything for you— anything to have you. You're the only one who truly knows me, and I don't want to settle for anyone that isn't my A-Ren."

Lan Qiren hid the bashful smile that grew on his face at Wen Ruohan's declarations by turning his cheek into the alpha's shoulder. The heat that emanated from the alpha amidst the chill of the night warmed Lan Qiren, and in his heart, he knew that the same was true for him. He'd grown up believing that Lans only loved once, and though their relationship was still new and unofficial, Lan Qiren couldn't imagine falling for anyone other than Wen Ruohan. The way the alpha made him feel was both indescribably tender yet strikingly passionate, in all his wayward, smirking glory. Lan Qiren reached out to caress the side of Wen Ruohan's face, tracing the lines and sharp edges that he hoped to see on this man as he aged, and on their children. How could he believe that this was anything but that deep, all-consuming love he had been warned of? How could he want anything more than to fall into its abyss?

He hoped that the slow kiss he pressed into Wen Ruohan's jaw conveyed even a fraction of the emotions he felt towards him, and when he looked into the alpha's eyes, he knew that the reverence was mutual. Even so, his heart wouldn't ease from its incessant beating.

“If that is so, then I can only do the same. I'll wait for my A-Han no matter how long it takes, as long as we're together in the end."

 

Notes:

it's not really mentioned explicitly in this fic but the reason why wrh didn't marry lqr when they were young is because of internal pressure from the wen, which forced him to marry within the clan to his first wife rather then to lqr. this, combined with general bad influence that he grew into the sect leader with, contributed heavily to his declining mental state.