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Not one single hyung ever told Jungkook that they were gay. Or… whatever. He figured it out himself, because he wasn't stupid, not even when he was fifteen. And one by one, the gay hyungs came to him:
Seokjinnie hyung first. He sat Jungkook down with his homework and a bowl of yukgaejang that was more beef than soup. He said, "I know you love your hyungs already, Jungkook," and "Every one of us loves you, too," and, "I want to make sure you know that we will take care of you as a younger brother. Our leader loves you like a younger brother."
Jungkook could read between the lines. He ate the soup anyway.
Hoseokie hyung next. After a long dance practice, they laid on the floor together while Jimin and Taehyung went to the vending machines. Hoseok said, "Ah, Jungkookah, you're good at everything. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not the best of us." And then he said, "Our leader thinks you're the best too. The best little brother he could ask for."
Jungkook rubbed his chest, where it hurt; it was unfair they kept saying it. And when Jimin and Tae came back with two bags of spicy shrimp crackers just for him, and didn't make him share, he took them and ate them all, even though they gave him a stomachache.
And then Taehyungie. "You can love people without being in love with them," he said, hanging upside down off the bunk beds to look at Jungkook, who was sprawled on the floor mattress with Seokjin hyung's Game Boy. "It's just as good, sometimes. Like me and Jimin. We're soul mates. We're definitely soul mates. But we're never gonna fuck, because he's straight."
Jungkook did not tell Taehyung that Jimin hyung was definitely not straight, because Jungkook had seen him making out with multiple men, usually after long dance practices; blowing off steam, Jungkook figured, before getting up to work longer, scowling at himself in the mirror. Maybe Jimin thought he was straight. It wasn't Jungkook's business, probably.
"But I still love him," Taehyung went on, starting to swing himself a little. "I'm always going to love him, even without getting to bite his thighs and put my tongue in his ass."
Jungkook sighed.
Okay, it wasn't all the gay hyungs. Yoongi hyung never came to him, or said anything to him, or even bumped him out of the way when he sat next to Namjoonie hyung at movie nights. He also never bought Jungkook special consolation snacks or made him soup with almost more beef than he could eat.
He just… sat. Sometimes. Like he could tell when Jungkook was feeling particularly down — although he thought probably that wasn't too difficult, since it was the worst on the nights when Namjoon hyung met up with whichever woman it was he was fucking, and he knew he moped around a little too much.
It wasn't because Jungkook thought he had any kind of chance with Namjoonie hyung. He just had to… process it. It was almost like he had a nonconsensual crush. His heart wasn't listening to his brain, and it wasn't fair. He resented it but wasn't sure what to do.
Yoongi hyung also called Jungkook to the studio more and more often: record this guide for me, Jungkookie; what do you think of this beat, could you sing high enough to balance it, Koo?; do you want to hear the rap I'm gonna put on my first mix tape?
Jungkook really appreciated that Yoongi hyung didn't try to tell him to chill out or that it would get better or that it was okay Namjoon hyung loved him like a little brother, that that love was just as important as all the other kinds.
It was almost like Yoongi hyung knew somehow that Jungkook's brain and heart were mixed up and not listening to each other, so he was talking to Jungkook's brain and pretending his heart wasn't getting in the way.
Also his dick. His dick was getting in the way.
It was just that Namjoonie hyung was so hot. In a group of hyungs whose job it was to be hot, Namjoonie hyung was… the hottest. With his voice and his skin and his eyes and his… ugh, his giant dick print on his sweatpants and the way his thighs were huge and smooth under his shorts. Hot enough that some nights Jungkook snuck out of bed and out of the room and into the shower, where he jerked off fast enough that the water didn't even have a chance to get tepid before he was coming all over the wall, banging his head against the tile and chafing his stupid dick.
Tonight Hobi hyung had ball-tapped Namjoon hyung, and Namjoon hyung spent the next half an hour massaging his dick and balls and groaning, and Jungkook's dick did not understand that it was for pain reasons and not because Namjoon hyung was jerking off on their couch. He banged his head into the wall extra hard when he came, trying to get the image of Namjoon hyung rubbing his balls out of his head.
They were going to debut soon. He needed to sleep. He needed to be able to dance and sing and stand next to Namjoon hyung without his dick getting hard. It was weird enough that his dick got hard all the time for no reason just because he was sixteen.
Why did this have to be so hard.
He groaned while he soaped down the wall and then turned off the shower.
When he turned to grab his towel, he jumped and almost fell over.
"Hyung!" he whined. "What the fuck?"
Yoongi hyung turned off the sink and turned around to lean against it, arms crossed despite wet hands. "I had to piss," he said. "I knocked. I flushed and everything. You didn't notice."
"I was —" Jungkook hesitated.
"Busy," Yoongi hyung supplied.
"Fuck," Jungkook muttered.
"Koo…" Yoongi looked down and his hair fell across his face. They were supposed to get haircuts at the end of the week, so they were all a little shaggy, and Yoongi hyung especially seemed to like it the most.
"Sorry, hyung," he said, feeling sullen but trying not to let it show. He reached out. "Can I have my towel?"
"Jungkookah, it's normal, okay? Everyone goes through it." Yoongi handed him his towel and tilted his head. "Dicks have a mind of their own."
Jungkook wrapped the towel around his waist and grimaced. He was already getting hard again. "You think girls deal with this?"
"Yeah, they do, but it's, like, hidden. Inside them instead of outside." Yoongi hyung took another towel — his own towel — and stepped closer to Jungkook, as though Jungkook's dick wasn't chubbing up. "C'mere, Kookah."
Jungkook had to dip his head a little so Yoongi hyung could reach his hair. When he first came to BigHit, Yoongi hyung was taller than him. This was weird and he didn't like it.
Yoongi hyung gently patted at his hair the way they were supposed to. Pat, don't rub, don't squeeze. He did squeeze Jungkook's head a little, though, like he was giving him a head massage. The towel smelled like Yoongi hyung, that really distinct sweat-and-cold-and-herby shampoo.
As Yoongi hyung touched him, Jungkook watched miserably as his dick got harder and harder under the towel. His face felt hotter and hotter. Yoongi hyung's touch wasn't… it wasn't, like, impersonal the way the stylist noonas touched them and pushed them around like they were dolls or statues, but it wasn't lingering or anything either. Just… nice.
"Hyung," he muttered.
"It's okay, Koo, you're okay." Yoongi rubbed the towel gently over his forehead, his cheeks, behind his ears, down his shoulders, and then let the towel sit around his neck. He put his hands back on Jungkook's face, and let his nails scratch over Jungkook's jaw. "You're fine, Jungkookah, you're exactly who and how you are supposed to be. Hyung loves you, okay? Believe hyung, he's telling you the truth."
Jungkook's eyes prickled with tears, and he shut them, mostly so he wouldn't cry but also because he didn't want to look at his dick anymore. "Thanks, hyung," he whispered, his throat thick and tight.
Yoongi hyung put a little pressure on one of Jungkook's shoulders. It could be a shoulder pat, or it could be… Jungkook let himself slump over onto Yoongi hyung's shoulder. Not the one he was always favoring, but the other one, because Jungkook paid attention to his hyungs, even when they thought he was too much of a baby to know their secrets.
He kept his hips away, though. Yoongi hyung didn't need to feel that.
Yoongi hyung wrapped one arm around his shoulders and with his other hand he started scratching his nails through Jungkook's wet hair. "Ahh, Jungkookie," he sighed, and started rocking them back and forth. "Hyung is sorry."
Jungkook tucked his face into Yoongi hyung's neck. "It's okay. I'm fine, hyung," he lied.
Yoongi hyung made a skeptical noise, but tugged Jungkook closer, and hummed while they rocked. Jungkook recognized the soft, pretty Agust D song that was about, like almost all Yoongi hyung's Agust D songs that Jungkook had heard so far, being sad, or whatever. Jungkook sighed and relaxed into Yoongi hyung's hug, let himself sway more comfortably.
"I just feel so dumb, hyung," he mumbled into Yoongi hyung's neck. "I don't think I'm ready to debut. I'm just a dumb kid."
"You're my dumb kid," Yoongi hyung said quietly. "You're ready because hyung says you're ready."
"I'm not ready, I can't even control my dick."
"No teenager can control their dick, hyung promises you. Not even your hyungs could." Yoongi hyung snorted. "Hoba still can't."
"But he can just go fuck people." Jungkook growled a little. "I can't do anything."
"Do you want hyung to introduce you to… some guys?" Yoongi hyung tried. "Girls?"
"No," Jungkook grouched. "I don't want someone who's just gonna jerk me off, I can jerk myself off."
"That's okay, it's okay." Yoongi hyung stroked Jungkook's hair. "It's okay to want it to mean something."
"No one else wants it to mean something." Jungkook sighed, and realized his dick was a little too close to his hyung, and tried to step back. But Yoongi hyung had got him tight around his shoulders and didn't let him. "Hyung, I don't want to, uh… I don't want you to…"
"Aish, this Kookie," Yoongi hyung sighed, but let him go and stepped back. "It's okay, you know. If you wanted your hyungs to… or if you're thinking about your hyungs. That's normal too, hyung promises."
Jungkook felt his face flush, and he grabbed at the towel, which actually did not feel great where his dick was rubbing against the rough material. "Do you think about your hyungs?" he shot back, feeling alarmingly disrespectful.
But Yoongi hyung didn't take the bait. "Of course," he said easily. "And my dongsaengs, and even a few noonas. I like people, and I like to touch people, and I like to be touched. Well," he amended, "I like to be touched when I'm in charge of it."
Jungkook bit his lip. "I wanna believe you, hyung."
"Just think about it," Yoongi hyung told him. "And next time, check under the sink, all the way in the back. I leave my lube there. You gotta take care of your skin if you're going to be an idol, Koo, even the skin on your dick."
Jungkook groaned, but laughed when Yoongi hyung laughed, and even felt a little better once Yoongi hyung left the room. He squatted to look under the sink, and all the way in the back was a giant bottle of "tactical masturbation cream," which made him flush again. But it was slick between his fingers and felt a lot better than soap, and he was embarrassed when he jerked off into the sink using the lube and thinking about Yoongi hyung's fingers in his hair, scratching his jaw, but he didn't feel bad about it, or guilty, or stupid. He was normal, Yoongi hyung said so.