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"How does it feel, knowing you're going to hell?" Raven asks.
"Pretty good," Clarke says. "Why?"
"I'm just saying, this is like--wow. At least when you've got him shirtless after Quidditch it's kind of justified. I don't really know about the whole, like, pulling his shirt up to wipe the sweat off first, but it's not like you put zoom in on his abs in the script."
"They don't zoom in on his abs."
"Because you didn't put it in the script. This is getting ridiculous, though."
"Look, we needed to amp up the romantic tension," Clarke says. "Are you saying Bellamy taking his shirt off isn't a good way to do that? Who's going to be able to resist that?"
Raven snorts. "Definitely not you, that's for sure."
"Shh," says Clarke. "They're going to roll."
The thing is, for all Raven's mockery, Clarke takes her show really fucking seriously. In part, it's because everyone was convinced it was going to crash and burn. The internet backlash before it premiered was unreal--a Harry Potter TV show, focused on Lily Evans, with no white guys except in villain roles, co-run by some girl who was barely out of college who only got the opportunity because her mom is an exec.
And it was all true, but Clarke knew she had a good idea, and she knew she could do it, and that's the other reason she's so serious. She was the one who got Marcus Kane to sign on and give her some legitimacy, she was the one who took meetings and figured out casting and made the show a reality. Not her mother, not her father. She couldn't have done it if she wasn't their daughter, but she should have been able to. Because this is good.
And James Potter was one of the roles she took most seriously in casting, the part she agonized over. She'd rejected plenty of perfectly decent actors because they were too asshole-ish or too charming, didn't have the right balance of cocky and genuine, the right look, the right feel. It was a weird part, recurring antagonist for the first two seasons, while Lily and Snape's friendship fell apart, and stepping into overdrive for the third, when he's starting to be good, to be the kind of guy Lily wanted.
She'd run into Bellamy Blake on her way to the bathroom during cast calls, somehow gotten into an argument with him about manners without either of them realizing who the other was, and then when she saw he was trying out, she hired him on the spot. Because--he just fit. And she's never regretted it.
She's gotten praise for the development of his and Monroe's relationship on screen, for the show's emphasis on the female gaze, for its willingness to portray both of them as flawed, multidimensional characters who will be good for each other, once they've grown up.
But she also might kind of write shirtless scenes for him. Like, a lot. Because Bellamy, in addition to being really talented, and kind of dorky and grumpy and an old man trapped in a twenty-something's body, is fucking hot. Which is good for plot reasons but also, admittedly, for personal reasons.
So, yeah. Clarke is going to hell. But it works for the show. Honestly.
Raven checks the lighting and the cameras, and Clarke settles in to watch. It's a scene that is really necessary; for all that Lily and James have been interacting more this season, for all it's obvious that she's warming to him and his endearingly douchey friends, they haven't had much alone time. The two of them running into each other after practice with James mostly naked is a good way to ramp up sexual tension. No one batted an eye at the script. Clarke didn't even think about it that much, until Raven called her out on it.
One of the PAs mists Bellamy's curls, and he slides his glasses back on and adjusts the towel around his waist. He is actually unfair, as a human.
That's when he catches her eye, of course, raises his eyebrows and smirks. "Wardrobe okay?"
"I feel like the towel could be tinier," she says. "Like, dishtowel, maybe."
"Yeah, that's what people do. Realism."
"It got hit with a freak shrinking spell. Could have happened to anyone."
He grins, easy, and Clarke returns the smile. It's not flirting. It's just--they're friends. That's how they hang out. It's probably not sexual harassment.
She's still going to hell.
"Sounds plausible to me," says Monroe. She glances up and down at Bellamy. "Is this really what straight girls like?"
"You're doing a really good job pretending you're into this," he says. "I know it's not easy. But let's not limit my demographic appeal to straight girls. I seem to be popular with everyone who's attracted to men. Gay guys." Clarke doesn't think she imagines the pause before he adds, "Bi girls. I'm very hot."
Monroe pats his arm. "Super dreamy. Ready?"
"Unless Clarke has a smaller towel for me. Something pink, maybe. I look good in pink."
She rolls her eyes. "Just do the scene, Bellamy."
Clarke grew up behind-the-scenes on TV shows, and watching filming is second nature for her. But it's still kind of exhilarating having it be her show, her words. Her vision, coming alive in front of her.
And it works really well for Bellamy to be shirtless. And mostly naked. And dripping a little. For, you know, art.
He comes over to sit next to her between takes, which is also pretty normal. They're coworkers, but after three years, they're basically friends too. Which might make her whole publicly objectifying him thing worse, but--well, he honestly seems to think it's funny. And he's said some pretty intelligent things about the female gaze himself.
"You're coming tonight, right?" he asks.
She frowns. "What's tonight again?"
"Don't you have a really detailed day planner or something? That calendar app that tells you how to spend every second of your life? Did it break? I thought you'd just self-destruct if that ever happened."
"It's in my pocket. It's going to tell me what I'm doing tonight thirty minutes before I think I need to leave to do it, like always. I don't need to know before then."
"Miller's birthday."
She actually perks up at that. Bellamy is definitely the Marauder she knows best, since he's the one who has the most to do, but she likes Miller, who plays Sirius, and the rest of the the cast, and she's always happy to have an excuse to get to hang out with them more.
"I can't believe I forgot. I got him a present and everything." And then, because she trusts Bellamy to be honest with her, she adds, "It's not going to be weird if I come, right?"
"What would make it weird?"
"I'm the boss."
"Yeah, but none of us respect you, so it doesn't really count."
She pokes him with her foot. "I'm being serious. If he just invited me to be polite, tell me so I can stop by, give him the present, get everyone a round of drinks, and then leave so you can talk about me behind my back."
"We have plenty of chances to talk about you behind your back," he says, but his smile gentles. "Yes, you should come. Miller said, and I quote, it would be kind of cool to get to know you better."
Clarke has to laugh. "Do you think I could get that in writing?"
"Don't push your luck."
Her phone buzzes, and she fishes it out of her pocket with a frown. "Speaking of things I need to leave for, I have a meeting with the network."
"You and your mom have such a healthy relationship," he observes. "I used to call mine the authority, but the network is even better. Really intimate."
"That's because you were definitely a tiny little nerd." She pats his shoulder. "Try to flex your muscles more. You have nice arms."
"This is why you should be a director. Indra never gives me detailed notes about how much I should glisten."
"I'll tell her to work on it. See you tonight?"
"I better, or I'm coming to drag you."
He stands and stretches, and the towel slips a little, showing off the band of his underwear. Clarke sees it from the corner of her eye, but doesn't let it pull focus. It's not like it's news that he's wearing underwear. This is not exciting.
"I'll be there. Have fun filming."
"Always do."
The meeting goes well, at least at the beginning, the usual talk about positive reviews and good ratings. Abby was worried about the show when Clarke pitched it, not least because she didn't want to be seen as playing favorites. But Clarke knew all the tricks, knew that if they could get the rights they'd have a hit on their hands. And she was right.
It's not until they're winding down that her mother says, "There is the Mary story line to discuss," and Clarke tenses.
She knew it was coming, but part of her was still hoping it just--wouldn't.
"There are some concerns about it coming across as pandering," she continues, tapping the season outline.
"Pandering?" Clarke demands, and Marcus steps in. As her co-runner, they've talked a lot about this, and she knows he's on her side. But he's also the experienced veteran to her green visionary, and he has a kind of pragmatism she lacks. It's part of why she asked for his help, both because he's good and because he gives her the legitimacy she lacked.
"Everyone knows Lily is going to end up married to James. And James is very popular, after the end of last season and the premiere. There's a concern that putting Lily into a flirtation with a woman will come across poorly, since in the end--"
Clarke's been spoiling for this argument, if she's honest. She and Marcus have rehearsed it, so they'll do it right. "Thematically, it works. She's reluctant about James, and she's not ready to give up on Severus. We've dropped hints about her being curious about girls, and plenty of people think Mary is interested too. She's getting closer to Remus, and he's opening up about his sexuality. It's not going to end with her and Mary getting married, but Severus's prejudice about her sexuality, on top of everything else, finally destroys her last tenuous hope they could reconcile, and James being so cool about it convinces her he's okay." She scowls. "And, you know, characters don't need a reason to be bi. I think she is. And it's not like we don't have other endgame queer pairings. Okay, yeah, they're all going to die," she grants, before her mother can say it. "But everyone's going to die. We're not really subtle about that."
"We have no idea if Mary dies," Marcus points out. "We're not going to kill her on-screen."
"Leaving out queer characters because we're afraid of what people will say about them is stupid," Clarke says. This part is familiar. She's said it a lot. "People already think we're pandering because we have so many non-white characters and it's unrealistic. At least if they come at us for making Lily bi, I can talk about my actual, lived experience. Monroe's out too, and so are Miller and Monty. I don't remember if Bellamy's actually officially out or just doesn't care, but he'll definitely argue with people on twitter if they're assholes about it."
"Which will make a nice change from him arguing with people on twitter when they're assholes about his race," Marcus adds.
"I think he can probably do both. He's talented."
Abby steeples her fingers, regarding both of them for a long minute. And then she just says, "Okay."
"Okay what?" asks Clarke.
"Go with the story. I wanted to hear your argument. It's a good one, and I think you and the rest of the cast and crew will be able to defend the decision if we do get pushback. I wasn't worried about the homophobia, I know we're equipped to handle that. But this is a different kind of criticism, and I wasn't sure you had thought about how to deal with it."
Clarke has stressed about basically every aspect of her show and its potential reception, but she's not going to tell her mother that. Instead, she says, "It's a good story and we should do it."
"I agree," says Abby, and once they're out of the room, Clarke and Marcus high five.
"This is why we practice," he says. "So you don't punch your mother during meetings."
"Thanks for your support."
She has the usual scattering of notifications on her phone and checks the twitter one first, mostly because it's from Raven's BTS account, which means it's probably a picture of Bellamy with no shirt on, and she is a professional adult.
Even though it's what she was expecting, it's still a lot. She was assuming it would be him and Monroe joking around, maybe Monroe playfully squeezing his muscles or something. They're not as close to each other as they are to some of the other cast members, but they're still friends, and they like to joke around about their insane chemistry, which works on screen even if it's a total wash in real life. Which is for the best, as far as Clarke's concerned. She's pretty sure Monty and Miller are actually going to hook up at some point, and she doesn't want it to be awkward with the Remus/Sirius.
But the picture is just Bellamy, sitting off to the side, leaning over to smile at an unseen person with such fondness in his eyes that it makes her heart skip. Because she knows, for certain, that Raven took that when he was talking to her. That if the picture went on a little further, she'd see herself, looking just as fond right back at him.
She checks the text from Raven anyway, and isn't at all surprised to see the full version of the picture with the caption Heart eyes for FUCKING DAYS. They look like they're about to start playing footsie.
Me: Never show that picture to my mother.
I fooled her into thinking I'm an adult who makes good choices.
Raven: Done
For once you should read the comments on twitter btw
They're hilarious
Raven generally doesn't steer her wrong, so once Clarke has dealt with her emails and other messages, she goes back to the post, which still--god, she can still barely look at it. It's way too much to process right now.
@thegirlwho-bts: The extra B is for extra beefcake @bellamybblake
@bellamybblake: What's that extra B for?
@thegirlwho-bts: That's a typo.
@domejames11456: omgggggggggg
@domejames11456: OMGGGGGGGGG
@heatherfiedxo: RIP me. Cause of death: this.
@minty5eva: MAKE REMUS/SIRIUS CANON PLZ
@domejames11456: ok but for real who is he looking at??? that is SO MUCH LOOK
@jilystanalpha: @domejames11456 um lily obv. do u even watch the show??
@accio-cakes: lose the towel thx
@domejames11456: @jilystanalpha It's BTS!! and zoe is like 9000% gay sooooo
@domejames11456: @jilystanalpha if he's looking at her he's barking up the wrong tree sry not sry
@captnrogersbffl: @domejames11456 so he's looking at his secret gf, rite? gotta be.
@bellamybblake: I could also be looking at my secret boyfriend. Let's not limit my secret romance options, thanks.
The comment has the effect she would have expected, which is a ton of speculation about Bellamy's secret boyfriend--Miller is the front runner, apparently--until he wades back in to clarify, Yeah, bisexual. I'm just saying, if I had a secret romance, it could be anyone, and then leaves the conversation.
It's not the sort of thing that should make her heart flutter, for all kinds of reasons. But it does all the same.
She wonders if Marcus would rehearse a conversation about potentially dating one of her actors, or if he'd just tell her it's the worst idea in the history of the world. They'd probably be equally helpful, in terms of feedback.
She set her alarm purposefully so she'd arrive a little late to the party--being the first to arrive at Miller's birthday sounded like the actual worst thing in the world--and she's about five minutes out when she gets a text from Bellamy, a selfie of him and his sister pouting with the caption, Do we have to come get you?
Me: On my way, like five minutes. Keep your shirt on.
Bellamy: When in the history of the world have you ever wanted me to keep my shirt on?
Genuine question.
I don't know if that time existed.
Me: Conventions.
Fancy restaurants.
Network meetings.
Bellamy: So you don't want me to take off my shirt in front of your mom.
Got it.
Are you here yet? My sister wants to meet you.
Me: Four minutes.
Have alcohol ready for me.
Bellamy: Yeah, yeah.
Not my first rodeo.
Monty spots her first when she gets to the bar, and he raises his glass with a whoop. Then it's Bellamy's sister, whom she recognizes only from selfies he's posted on Twitter, barreling toward her. She's in college and Bellamy has been supporting her since he turned eighteen, so Clarke has always been curious, but it's never worked out for them to meet until now.
Given Octavia throws herself into Clarke's arms and says, "Bell is such a loser!" she assumes that Octavia has also been looking forward to this.
"Hi," says Clarke. "Is she even legal to drink?" she adds to Bellamy, who's lurking behind them. He has two beers and somehow looks as good in a faded t-shirt and jeans as he does in nothing but a towel.
"Ish," he says. "Let her go, O, she's behind on alcohol."
Octavia is still beaming when she lets go of Clarke. "He's been looking at the door every five minutes. You're totally his favorite."
Bellamy shoves his sister's head. "She already knows she's my favorite. You don't have to tell her."
Clarke's throat is suddenly dry, so she takes a long drink of beer. It's hard to tell in the dim lighting, but she thinks he's blushing too.
"I don't mind," she says, when her voice is working again. "You should tell me all the stuff your brother doesn't want you to."
"You should come wish Miller a happy birthday," Bellamy says, hooking his arm around her shoulders. He's like a furnace, which is a worrying thought when she's not even drunk yet. She didn't hire Bellamy because she had a thing for him, which is a comfort only because she at least didn't start off inappropriate. She grew into it.
Then again, Bellamy is sticking by her side like someone actually glued him there, and it's not like that was her idea. And he wanted to see her.
And heart eyes for days.
"Did Raven show you the picture?" she asks. They played foosball with Miller and Monty, then did shots with Murphy and Emori and Gina, and then more shots with Octavia. It was a lot of shots, and she's glad they decided to hang out in a booth for a while. Her arms seem to be around his waist, which is also nice. He's even warmer when she's drunk. But in a good way.
"Which picture?"
"The one she posted on twitter."
"Twitter showed me that picture. That's how twitter works." She hears him laugh. "You're drunk. This is awesome. I thought you might be too professional."
It's a sobering thought. "Oh god. I'm being so unprofessional, it's unreal. I should really--not." She makes to move, but his arm tightens around her.
"Clarke," he says, soft. "Stay. I've been trying to figure out a professional way to get to hang out with you for three years."
It shouldn't help, but he sounds so genuine, and it wasn't like she actually wanted to stop. So she lets herself curl back into him. "And this is what you came up with?"
"No, this is what Miller came up with. He told me he was inviting you and you come to watch filming every time I'm shirtless, so I should take advantage of this opportunity to up my non-existent game."
"Are any of your friends actually supportive?"
"Gina, like--half the time. Monty on his good days. You, mostly."
"I don't watch filming every time you're shirtless," she says. "And I watch filming plenty of other times, so--"
He laughs and squeezes her shoulder. "So do you want to go out with me sometime, or is creeping on me at work all you're interested in?"
Clarke fumbles for his phone, pulls up the text from Raven, the one with the picture. "She must not have showed you," she says, and his hand closes around hers to steady it so he can look at the screen.
"Heart eyes for days, huh?" he asks, voice a little hoarse. He's staring at the picture, and Clarke wonders if it feels like someone caught him too. She didn't think she was that obvious. She didn't think a camera would show so much. "You're not even looking at my abs."
"Those are in the dailies. I can see them any time."
He laughs. "As long as you're getting your fix." There's the rub of his thumb against her shoulder, and she presses closer. "Is that a yes, by the way?"
"Yes?"
"I asked you out. It was smooth. Please don't tell me you're going to be too drunk to remember this. My sister made fun of me for a fucking week, I was so stressed."
Clarke presses her lips against the firm muscle of his shoulder. "Your sister's cute. You're cuter. I probably need to talk to the network about if I can date my actors. We might need to get legal involved."
"I get that a lot at the start of new relationships, yeah." He buries his nose in her hair, and her heart flips again. He totally likes her. "So, yes, pending HR?"
"Romantic, I know."
"Works for me," he says. "Keep me posted."
She ends up falling asleep on him, which is nice, and only barely refrains from asking him to come home with her when they get a taxi together. But she's being--okay, definitely not completely professional, at this point. But as professional as she can be when the guy she's into wants to make out and she's his boss and it's weird.
At least he made the first move. Maybe that helps. That's what she tells herself when she wakes up the next morning and has to deal with the world where Bellamy asked her out.
Me: I've got an appointment to talk to the network at one
So if you were drunk and not actually asking me out
Tell me before then so I don't get fired for sexual harassment
Unless you think I deserve it, in which case you should join the meeting to present your case
Bellamy: Good morning to you too
Is the network still your mom?
Tell her I say hi
And I think all my nudity is really tasteful
Not harassment at all
Me: So tasteful you're not even nude
Bellamy: Exactly
I can come if you think it'll help
Whatever I can do to increase my chances here
I definitely meant it
Me: I think it should be fine
Nothing unethical, right?
Bellamy: It would be more unethical to deprive the world of my shirtless scenes
But yeah
I've wanted to ask you out since before I even became a regular
For completely non-professional reasons
Clarke stares at the texts for a minute, and then screenshots them, saves them, and goes to rehearse telling her mother in front of the mirror. And then calls Marcus to make sure he doesn't think it's going to destroy anything, for good measure. They have a realistic, if a little depressing, conversation about how it's a more awkward thing for a woman to do than it would be for a man, and how if it gets press it might be tough for her. It's nothing she didn't know, but it's weirdly calming to talk over the possibilities with him, like it always is.
She's got a good team. They do good work.
Her mother is pragmatic and unconcerned, says they should fill out a few forms to cover their asses legally in case something goes wrong or someone has to get laid off, but aside from that, Abby actually seems kind of excited, like she thinks that Clarke dating one of the actors will be good publicity.
It would almost be enough to convince her not to do it, except--well, Bellamy.
She calls him as soon as she's done, and it goes to voicemail, which confuses her, and she's in the process of texting when he calls back.
"Sorry, my phone was under a pile of pillows so I wouldn't check to see if you'd texted," he says. "I shouldn't have admitted that. Hi."
Clarke smiles. "Hi. I have some paperwork for you."
"That's my favorite pickup line." There's a pause and then he asks, "So, uh, when that's done, do you want to get dinner with me?"
His determination to ask her out now that he's got the nerve up is really pretty endearing. As is everything else about him. She'd worry about it, except--well, he hid his phone under a pillow because he was nervous. So it's not like she's alone.
"I don't have anything planned today," she says. "I could come over."
Another pause, and then, "Give me twenty minutes to shower and get out of my pajamas."
Her smile feels like it's going to crack her face. "Don't hurry on my account," she says. "I like you casual."
So it's not really a surprise when he answers his door with damp hair, clearly freshly showered but still wearing flannel pants and no shirt, his glasses crooked on his face. The real surprise his how much more she likes seeing him like this now, no costumes, no pretenses.
Just Bellamy, smiling at her, pulling her into his apartment, and kissing her, slow and deep, like he planned this too.
Maybe they both rehearse important things in front of the mirror. Maybe they're really going to be as good together as she thinks they are.
"You know what?" Bellamy asks, trailing his mouth down her throat.
"What?"
"I've never actually seen you shirtless. It seems kind of unfair."
"Totally unfair. What are you going to do about it?"
He grins, kisses her again, dirtier and longer, and Clarke tangles her fingers in his hair and holds on. "I'll figure something out. I've got a lot of objectification to catch up on."
"Better get moving, then."
"Yeah," he agrees, and pulls her toward his bedroom. "I better."