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Elo wasn’t dumb.
Well, not like that at least.
Sure, maybe she could be a little naive and distracted at times. Maybe she was a bit dense, and maybe it took her an awful long time to figure out that Aoi had a crush on her and returned her feelings. Aoi, the girl who wears her heart on her sleeve. You know, that girl.
So, it’s safe to say that, at least when it comes to some matters, Elo could be a little dumb, or silly. Luckily for her, Aoi seemed to like it and find it endearing. A win-win situation, really.
“We’re lucky that couch is strong, aren’t we?”
However, Elo wasn’t that dumb. So, when Aoi let out comments like that, she knew exactly what her girlfriend was talking about.
And it freaked. Her. Out.
“Yeah, it would be inconvenient to look for a fixer-up or a new one in the middle of a time-looped apocalypse now, wouldn’t it?” Elo laughed nervously as Aoi looked at her with a raised eyebrow for a moment, before she smiled and rolled her eyes in an endeared manner.
Thank the Void she found her endearing, Elo thought, releasing a subtle relieved sigh. But she wasn’t out of the woods yet, and before she could relax and get back working on the forge and updating inventory, Aoi spoke again.
“You know, I was thinking,” oh no, that tone again “if you can’t hear a balloon pop from the mall, think of what they can’t hear from us in here…”
Elo audibly gulped.
Aoi moved closer to the table Elo was working on, and after the smaller hint of hesitation, moved her hands to gently and surely rub her shoulders “It’s soundproofed in here, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it’s why you get to hear me sing with my full lungs. I doubt I’d even attempt that otherwise.” She joked lamely. Not that it was an inaccurate statement though; it didn’t matter how good she might be, there’s no way she’d give Quincy the ammo against her. Pun intended.
“I do consider myself lucky for the private concerts. You know I love your voice.” Aoi leaned down to press a gentle kiss on her partner’s cheek. Elo relaxed at the familiar feeling, letting herself enjoy it for a moment, until the much less familiar one of lips descending towards her neck started to arise.
All of Elo’s body hair stood up in a half pleasant half panicked way.
She quickly moved away, probably harsher than she meant to, “Oh, I almost forgot, there’s that alert that I gotta take care of before it gets too late!”
“What?” Aoi wasn’t able to add much more before Valkyr manifested in front of her.
“Yeah, sorry, you know how it is!” Elo added, voice a bit metallic coming from the frame, as she moved Valkyr towards the navigation station.
I really hope that Tiny Me won’t mind.
Elo knew the bond between her younger self and the warframe, but she’s the first she got to in the moment of panic! Tinier Elo had many frames at her disposal, she’d be fine for a few hours, right?
Elo could feel, very lightly from the deepest parts of what was left of Valkyr’s psyche, some mild annoyance.
I’m sorry Valkyr.
“Do you want me to come with, do you need any help?”
“Nah, it’s all part of the routine, nothing to be worried about. Besides, I won’t be alone! I’m meeting up with Ema and Ga, my teammates, my TENNOmates!” Elo cringed as she pulled off some awkward finger-guns; she never wished so hard for her mouth to shut the fuck up.
Unable to do anything about that, Elo got to frantically texting her friends instead, the only two people left in the Origin System that she considered her family (not counting her tinier self, of course), begging for help.
“Alright. I’ll see you later then..?”
Elo stopped in her tracks. She didn’t like how sad Aoi sounded. So, she got out of Valkyr to approach her. “Absolutely. Pizza and movie night?”
Aoi smiled, sincerely this time, and Elo’s whole being felt relief. “Absolutely.”
They kissed, once again in safe and comfortable territory, and Elo headed out to that alert that was definitely less important than what she made it seem to be.
***
“Wow.” Ema said, throwing around Nezha’s Chackram.
“I know.” Elo groaned, mindlessly shooting enemies.
Ga in the meantime was happily casting Oberon’s Smite from who knew where, still within earshot thanks to their shared communication channel. “Uhm, Elo,” she started, her voice a little distorted from the earpiece “I think Aoi might have wanted to-”
“I know!” Elo interrupted, red in the face. She was thankful that it couldn’t transpire from the frames. She did let out some of her frustrated embarrassment through Valkyr’s Hysteria though, and onto some poor enemy “Why do you think I keep saying stupid things and run away?!”
Ga paused in realization. “Ooohhh…”
“Yeah.”
“Why do you though?” Ema asked, always the more sensible out of the two siblings “Did you ever try to reciprocate in some way? Or explain how you feel?”
“It’s not that easy” she stopped her massacre, leaving the rest of the enemies to the other two as she gathered her thoughts. “I mean, would she even understand? Figuring myself out was hard enough in our present days, what can I expect from 1999?”
“Please, give Aoi some credit.” Elo could almost see Ema’s raised eyebrow from Nezha “Besides, aren’t you the one always talking about how “communication is the key” for good relationships, romantic and not? Practice what you preach.” He concluded, casually impaling some stragglers enemies around them.
Elo scoffed “Don’t talk to me as if you’re any better with Amir!”
Ema shot some canisters, granting a big, loud and useless explosion “SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”. Elo just laughed.
“He’s right though, you know?” Ga piped in again from Void knew where “Aoi isn’t Eleanor, she can’t read your mind. If you need her to know something, you have to tell her.”. The loud noise of Oberon’s Reckoning could be heard from their earpieces right after, followed by a “And stay down!!”.
“I don’t recall Eleanor’s mind-reading abilities to ever be helpful with whatever is going on between the two of you.” Elo snickered.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Ga yelled, in that complete denial that made her so fun to poke fun at her. It just made Elo laugh harder.
“I know what you’re doing, stop deflecting!” Elo sighed at Ema’s call out.
“Okay, I know, you’re both right.” She surrendered “I guess I’ll try to talk it out with her later. Happy now?”
“Yep!”
“Very much.”
A strong familiar sound pierced their ears.
“Great, the relics are open!” Elo announced “Let’s head to extraction now.”
“Yes ma’am!” Ema made a playful salute.
“Uhm, guys? Could you come and get me? I… can’t find the exit.”
Elo sighed, more amused than upset “Of course you can’t.”
“You know that, sometimes-”
“Sometimes you get lost.” Elo and Ema interrupted her in unison, snickering. That was far from unusual, but it was always so hilarious!
“Alright, let’s find Ga, and then extraction!”
***
Elo stretched as she entered the backroom.
“I’m home!” she smiled. She had a home, someone to come back to, a far cry from what it was like growing up in Duviri. Sure, back then she had her imaginary-but-also-kinda-real friends from the storybook at first, but still. This felt so much better.
“Hii!” Aoi appeared, tackling Elo in a hug that she was more than happy to reciprocate. “How did it go?”
“Same old same old, we cleared out a few towers and opened some relics in the process. Tiny Me will be happy, we should be ready for the next time Baro arrives.”
And thank the Void for that, it should spare me her wrath from taking Valkyr without asking. Hopefully.
“You should really put more focus on your equipment instead of this Void-merchant person, you know?”
“Nah, I think getting cool posters and decorations is way more important. How else could we have made our home so cool?” Elo gestured around to the various pieces of decorations with a smug, but also ironic, grin.
“You know what? You’re absolutely right!” Aoi eventually agreed, kissing her cheek. She had always wanted her own place to decorate after all, and how could she without the decorations?
“I got my priorities straight!”
“The only straight thing about you, luckily for me.” She added, half flirting half joking. Elo, predictably, laughed at the pun despite it being one repeated very often, by Elo herself most of the time. It made Aoi smile and lean for a kiss on the lips.
“What about you, had a good day?”
“All good, we’ve been patrolling but it’s been a pretty chill day, just a few Scaldra’s troops far in between. That gave me all the time to download movies and set up everything for tonight!”
“You’re perfect.” the Drifter said, meaning it.
Aoi led her to the couch, but as much as Elo wanted nothing more than to get comfortable and cuddle with her girlfriend, she knew she couldn’t keep procrastinating.
“Before we start though…” she sat, already feeling her legs failing her at the prospect of the conversation ahead “we need to talk.” Elo knew she chose the worst words the moment she saw the alarmed look Aoi sent her way.
“Is everything okay?” she took place beside her, worry dripping from her voice.
“Yes? I mean, no- sort of?” Elo rambled, anxiety quickly getting the better of her. She tried to shake it away “I just need to talk to you about something.”
“Are you breaking up with me?
“What?!” anxiety disappeared, confusion taking its place “No, never!”
“Ah, thank the gods.” Aoi laid on the back of the couch, letting out a relieved sigh. Then she straightened back up and smiled “Me neither.”
“We’ll see about that…” Elo mumbled somberly, but not low enough to go unheard.
“Why do you say that?” Aoi looked at Elo sadly. She knew her Drifter struggled with her self-worth, but that was the first time she shared such thoughts out loud and without even a layer of irony. She was serious. “You’re worrying me now. Did you do something that makes you think I’d leave you?” As much as Aoi probably would, would Elo do something that morally reprehensible, she also knew her girlfriend was too much of soft heart for that to be the case. Sometimes she wondered how she even managed to go, and fight, and do what was necessary.
“No, I haven’t done anything, I just…” Elo groaned in frustration at her own silence, looking for the words that stubbornly wouldn’t come out.
Stupid fucked up psyche, stupid trauma, stupid anxiety, stupid-
“Elo.” Aoi spoke firmly, but her hands were gentle as they went to cup Elo’s cheeks, both to ground her and keep her eyes focused on her “Just tell me what you need to. I promise it’s going to be okay.” She moved one of her hands from Elo’s cheek and up to the shaved side of her head, soothingly scratching on the short dark hair. When she deemed Elo relaxed enough, Aoi moved her hand once again, down this time, to take a hold of Elo’s own. “I’m right here.” She squeezed.
Holding onto it for dear life, Elo breathed deeply, taking a few more moments of silence to try and gather her words. Aoi waited, with a patient smile.
Here goes nothing.
“So, I couldn’t help but notice some kind of… comments, from you, lately. You know?”
“…yes?” Aoi didn’t sound very convinced.
I can’t get out of this keeping it vague now, can I?
Elo finally surrendered to her destiny and went for a more direct approach.
“Comments that make me believe you’d like to have… sex? With me?” Elo’s voice went for a high pitch for a second, her face redder than the dyed tips of her hair.
That was incredibly embarrassing.
Realization hit Aoi harder than Quincy’s projectiles against his targets.
“Ooohhh! So that’s what this is all about, isn’t it?” Elo nodded timidly “So you did notice, huh? I was afraid I’d have to start dropping even stronger hints!” she laughed.
“Yeah, no need for that.” Elo awkwardly chuckled.
“Well, if you were unsure about that, then worry not! I was definitely hinting at that!” she shot her a flirty wink.
Aoi sort of wanted to smack herself. She knew Elo! Careful, considerate, but also with lots of self-esteem issues; with such a combo, it’s no surprise she’d be unsure of the signs. She should have been more direct, dammit! But what’s done is done, so all she could do was being honest and direct now.
“You shouldn’t doubt yourself so much.” Aoi spoke gently “You know I love you, right? So of course I’m attracted to you! Never question that, okay?” she finished, relieved for the problem being tackled. She knew her girlfriend needed reassurance from time to time, and she didn’t mind providing that. Aoi would do that any time and any way, be it words, hugs, kisses, or else.
“Yeah! I mean, thank you?” Aoi didn’t think she saw Elo’s face get so red since when they first confessed their feelings to each other. It was so cute! “But that’s… that’s not it.”
Aoi blinked. “What?”
“That’s not the problem.” Elo looked down and Aoi’s stomach dropped.
“Oh my gods, I’ve been too pushy while you’re not ready, haven’t I? I’m so sorry!” Aoi instinctively moved to hug her, but stopped herself while considering that maybe that could have given the wrong message in the given circumstances. She tried to move back instead, to give Elo some space, but that seemed to be the wrong move as well since she kept her close through their intermewed hands.
“It’s not that either!” she paused for a second “I mean, yes and no?” Elo sighed at Aoi’s puzzled expression. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why it’s so difficult. I’m not making any sense.”
“You have absolutely nothing to apologize for!” Aoi spoke with conviction “I’m the one who’s sorry, I’ve been putting words into your mouth. Take your time; I’ll listen.”
Elo nodded, working once again to order her thoughts and find the best way to explain them. She hated how her brain seemed to just go blank in these moments, as if not a single word has ever floated inside her head. But after a few moments of silence, fortunately, words seemed to come back to her, and a form of coherent line of thoughts started to form.
“So, you’re bisexual, right?”
“Yes. And you’re a lesbian, right?”
“Correct.” Elo nodded “But… not just that.”
“Huh?”
“Okay, let me explain.” She moved to sit in a more comfortable position; this would take a while “It’s hard for me to have someone to catch my eye. I’m a person of substance, I need to know a person first, and in fact the more I got to know you and the more I liked you. You follow me?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Good. So, now that we’re together, I want to stay close to you. Because I love you.” Aoi nodded for her to keep going, but still brought her hand to her lips for a small kiss. Her own small “I love you too”. “I just…I don’t know if I want to be close like… like that.”
“Oh.” Aoi’s face fell “So, you’re not… attracted to me?” it was hard for her to hide the hurt.
“Yes and no?” Elo cringed. Why was this so fucking hard to explain? “I want to always be near you, and kiss you, and hold you, and I think you’re beautiful and attractive” she blushed “I just… I don’t know if sex is something I’d ever want. I’m good like this, without. It doesn’t make a dent on my feelings for you though, I swear!”
“So, what you’re saying is that you don’t want that now, but it could change?”
“Yes, but it could also never change.” Elo sighed “I’m sorry. I finished my puberty in a world of sexless puppets, but even before that I was never really interested in this kind of stuff, not outside of some morbid curiosity at least. Figuring out that I like girls was hard enough without that… physical pull to help me. And then I met you, and I fell in love with you, and I want to be with you, but not necessarily like that.” She paused again, torn in between wanting to reassure Aoi and make her understand how deeply she wanted her, but also needing to explain how she wanted her, how her feelings worked and the boundaries they entailed. She felt like she was doing a terrible job at both. “There’s a strong possibility that I might never want sex, but I can’t say that for sure either.” Her voice started to tremble. “And I’m sorry.”
At first glance, Elo appeared like an open book. She wasn’t afraid to tell how she felt about something in the moment, or share some personal thoughts and opinions unprompted. Saying that she wore her heart on her sleeves wasn’t a far-fetched truth: with her, what you see is what you get. However, that didn’t mean she’d expose herself completely all the time; on the contrary, that let her hide in plain sight, holding her most important and private feelings close to her heart and hiding them behind other truths and light-hearted jokes. Another clue of her more reserved nature was her crying: for an openly sensitive soul as hers, it was very rare for people to see her cry. Of all the Hex, Aoi was the only one who saw that happen, and it was just a couple of times. Even Ema and Ga, her lifelong friends from before, only saw that happen a handful of times.
So, when Aoi heard her voice trembling, short breaths and teary eyes, desperately trying to hold back sobs, she knew just how much of a big deal that was, and how heavy it must have been for Elo to bear if letting it out brought her to this.
“Nonono, hey com’here.” Aoi gave in to her impulse and did move to hug her. She held her, both comforting and encouraging for her to let go. In very Elo’s fashion, she still fought to hold back her sobs, but also held onto her, seeking for comfort. Small steps. “Why are you apologizing?” she asked gently, still holding tight.
“Because I know that to some people it’s important, so I had to let you know, but I’m also so afraid that you’ll leave me now.” She confessed, sobs pushing and threatening to slip away of her control. Elo breathed deeply to gain that control back “I-I’d understand if you did, but…”
Aoi felt her heart breaking seeing her partner like that, but she needed to be the calm and collected one this time, like Elo has been for her multiple times beforehand.
“…thank you for telling me all of this. I must have not made that easy, have I?” Elo nodded, her face hidden in Aoi’s neck. “I’m sorry, for making you feel like you couldn’t talk to me, and for scaring you, but I want you to know something: I love you for who you are, and as much as sex would be nice… you’re more important. Our bond is more important. So no, I’m not leaving you.” Aoi reassured her, soothingly caressing her back, mindful to keep her touches light and soft “If you just need more time, it’s fine, I can wait. And if you’ll never want that, that is fine too; I can live without.” She backed out, putting her hands on Elo’s cheeks once again, determined to keep her eyes on her for what she was about to say next. “You’re the most precious and special time traveler that could have ever wind up here,” she joked lightly, gently drying her tears “my favorite person, and there’s no way I’m leaving you just for that. You already give me so much where it matters; I don’t need more.”
The surprise in Elo’s eyes was both cute and heartbreaking.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
Elo finally let her tears out freely, but it wasn’t in fear or pain: it was pure relief. “I love you too, so much!” she hid her face in Aoi’s neck again, letting herself be held.
They stayed like that, holding each other, until Elo fully calmed down. Only then, Aoi spoke again.
“Listen, I think what you described me falls somewhere under asexuality. Would you like to look it up together, see what we can find?”
Elo looked at her curiously; she never considered that there could be a specific name for her experience, something more than a personal quirk or preference. After pondering for a moment, she nodded, smiling gratefully.
In the next few days, Aoi started noticing an increased use of purple in Elo’s decorations and outfits.