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Jungkook is dreading the moment when Jimin buzzes himself into his apartment.
They’ve agreed to be cordial, but Jungkook knows that won’t hold up. Not with their history. He knew he lost Jimin the day they broke up, and even though the hardest part of it hasn’t happened yet, he’s still not prepared.
Jimin is bringing back a bag of Jungkook’s things he found at his own place. Even though Jungkook had told him that it was fine, he didn’t need to bring it back, Jimin insisted. Whether it was because he doesn’t want his ex’s things in his home or that he wanted to see Jungkook one last time, he won’t know. He’s not brave enough to ask. Not when the part that’s still hanging on to Jimin and his love, his friendship, wants to believe it’s the latter.
That had been a week ago — when everything went down.
It was like a dam had collapsed. All the water rushing through and leaving damage in its wake. Jungkook and Jimin had been on the rocks for awhile now, but Jungkook had thought they would pull through because they always did. Until this time.
It seemed like Jimin had had enough. Jungkook knows that there had been a lot weighing on him with his job and bills. Life wasn’t fair to everyone, but he had never seen Jimin look at him the way he did that day.
Which was sad, broken. Regretful that he had come to this point when there were so many promises he didn’t fulfill, so many things they have yet to do. Jungkook saw it, and what kind of person would he be if he selfishly begged him to stay?
That had been a week ago, when Jungkook’s world had fallen apart at his fingertips, and he knew the worst of it wasn't being felt yet. The real test is tonight.
Jimin had texted him late last night, which had surprised Jungkook because he hadn’t heard from him since they broke up. The conversation was short, straight to the point. Jimin simply wanted to return Jungkook’s things to him and Jungkook, knowing this would probably be the last time he ever saw him, agreed to let him come drop it off.
So here he was, pacing around his apartment that had so many reminders of Jimin. If he had smelled the pillows on the couch, he was sure the faint scent of him would still be there. If he looked hard enough in his room, he would find one or two hoodies that did not belong to him originally.
It’s funny. The things you think about when it’s over.
Jungkook had been expecting Jimin, but he still startled at the gentle knock on his door not even five minutes later. Suddenly his heart is racing and he isn’t prepared to actually be face to face with the man he’s shared his life with for as long as he can remember. Before anything, Jimin had been his friend first. To think he’s losing that too, he can’t even bear to think about it.
It takes him a beat too long to actually make himself walk to his door to open it. He expects Jimin to look put together, like nothing was wrong. He isn’t expecting how broken and small he looks before him.
A week ago, Jimin was bright and lovely. His hair was blonde but is now darker. Black. His eyes that were usually glittering were now just void of any light at all. He’s dressed in a dark hoodie and sweats. It almost looks like he just rolled himself out of bed to do this. Like he couldn’t bear to do it.
It makes sense. But Jungkook had never thought he would be just as affected as him if not more. He had always, admittedly, put Jimin on a pedestal. He was one of the strongest people Jungkook knew. To see him reduced to someone he didn’t even recognize was… it’s a lot.
“Hi,” Jungkook greets politely, softly, stepping aside as a silent invitation.
At first, he doesn’t think Jimin is going to accept it. He looks as hesitant as Jungkook feels. This is new territory for both of them. This is the first time Jungkook has greeted him without pulling him straight into his arms, and his muscles ache with the urge to do what they’re so used to doing.
Used to.
“Hi.” Jimin replies just as softly, snapping Jungkook back to the present moment. He steps inside with the bag he’s carrying — he almost holds onto it like it’s a lifeline. Like if he doesn’t, he’ll fall apart.
Jungkook swallows.
Jimin shakes himself out of it, almost like he’s forcing himself to push the bag towards Jungkook’s hands. He’s no longer wearing the ring Jungkook gave him, he realizes with a painful pang to his heart. He doesn’t know what he expected.
Their hands brush when Jungkook takes the bag from Jimin, and it takes everything in him to not jolt at the spark that runs through him.
Jimin seems to feel it too, if the way he’s looking up at him with tear rimmed eyes is anything to go by.
“Jimin,” Jungkook whispers, stomach fluttering at how Jimin’s eyes drop to his lips. “H-Hyung.”
He’s overwhelmed, it shows in his voice. If Jimin picks up on it, he doesn’t let it show. He moves a step closer though, until he’s just a foot away from Jungkook and the ache is back. The ache to pull him into his arms and beg for another shot.
Jimin’s eyes are cast downwards, not looking at Jungkook right away. He’s looking at his white shirt, a hand hovering over his chest, right where his heart beats. He hesitates again before gently placing his hand there. He finally looks up at Jungkook then, eyes still red and wet with unshed tears. His heart is racing.
“Hyung,” Jungkook tries again, not even trying to hide the way his voice cracks, throat tightening. “We shouldn’t.”
Jimin nods as he sniffles — but he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he presses closer and Jungkook senses are clouded by him, his scent, his presence.
“Please,” Jimin whispers. He leans up, nosing up his neck and Jungkook shivers, hands having a mind of their own as they reach out to grab Jimin’s hips after the bag drops from his hands. Jimin gasps at the tight grip and Jungkook feels his breath wash over his skin. “Just… one last time.” He pleads when Jungkook doesn’t reply. “Have me for one more night.”
Jungkook’s heart clenches painfully in his chest. They really shouldn’t, Jungkook would never get over it if they do, but…
This is Jimin. Jimin held him when he cried over meaningless things as they were growing up. This is the man he spent most of his life with, platonically and romantically. He has been there through his highs and lows, and after tonight he won’t be. After tonight, he doesn’t know where Jimin will go, but Jungkook knows this is the end of the road for them. Being friends after everything would be adding propane to fire.
That’s the part of him that pulls Jimin even closer by his waist, the older man gasping at the action, and presses their lips together.
The tears that Jimin has tried so hard to keep in, stream down his cheeks the moment their lips touch. As if he couldn’t hold them in anymore, or he didn’t want to.
Jungkook tries to catch the endless tears that roll down Jimin’s cheeks with his thumbs, but eventually he stops because he finds himself in the same state. His heart is overwhelmed, he’s overwhelmed. It’s almost like if he doesn’t stay here in the middle of his living room kissing Jimin breathless, he’ll disappear into a cloud of smoke.
Jimin’s arms wrap around Jungkook’s neck. He takes the hint and pulls Jimin up by his thighs until they’re wrapped around his waist. He walks them to his couch because it’s the closest comfortable surface there is and because he doesn’t think he’ll move on with Jimin’s scent lingering in his sheets.
Jungkook sets himself down on his cushions, Jimin making himself more comfortable on his lap as he sits. He hasn’t stopped kissing him, but the tears have lessened at least.
When their lips eventually slow down against each other, Jimin works on Jungkook’s thin shirt with his following soon after. Jimin has to get up to take off his sweats. When he does, Jungkook can’t help but nose his face into the soft skin of his stomach. He breathes out harshly, eyes closing when Jimin’s hands rake through his hair. The action has tears prickling at his eyes again, but he holds them back, tries to keep them at bay.
If there’s one thing he wants right now, is to give Jimin something to remember him by. Something good that won’t completely break his heart if he ever looks back and thinks about Jungkook again.
“Jungkookie,” Jimin whispers brokenly. That alone makes Jungkook cry. He can’t bother to wipe the tears away as he looks up at the older man.
Jimin is looking down at him, guarded, but fond. He’s naked in the middle of Jungkook’s living room, but he doesn’t seem to care. His brown eyes are red with unshed tears, and he looks like he wants to say something.
While there’s arousal bubbling deep in Jungkook’s gut, there’s also the feeling of his stomach dropping and caving in on itself when he thinks that the quicker they move, the quicker they’ll have to say goodbye.
He pushes the thought aside for the meantime. He can deal with it after.
Jungkook regretfully pulls away from their embrace to remove his own pants. Jimin watches him hungrily despite the wetness in his eyes, up until Jungkook’s pants join their pile of clothes on the floor.
Instead of crawling back into Jungkook’s lap like he thought Jimin would, he drops to his knees. Like muscle memory, one of Jungkook’s hands weaves itself through Jimin’s hair, teeth worrying his bottom lip.
Knowing Jimin the way he does, he expects him to tease him, just a bit. He’s surprised when he doesn’t. He locks eyes with Jungkook as he mouths at the head of his cock with plump lips. Jungkook tugs his head back just a bit and Jimin lets his eyes fall closed, swallowing down his cock in a swift motion.
“Fuck,” Jungkook breathes, chest rising and falling with his labored breaths. Jimin doesn’t stop. His throat closes around Jungkook’s throbbing cock and it makes him hiccup over his next moan. Jimin moans around him, letting out a pleased hum when he feels some of Jungkook’s pre-come slide down his throat. “Hyung, ah—“
Jungkook’s head falls back against the couch. He feels the burn of Jimin’s eyes on him. Feels his skin turning red the longer the staring lasts. Jimin has resorted to suckling at the head of his cock, tongue circling and tracing the veins. His hand pumps what isn’t in his mouth, tightening near the base.
“Jungkookie,” Jimin says for the second time that night. His tone is light, voice hoarse from his labor. Jungkook is drawn to it all the same. His eyes blink open hazily, meeting Jimin’s eyes. Jimin smiles softly, murmuring, “Watch me.”
Jungkook has never gone against his words and he wasn’t about to start now. He braces himself for what he’s about to see, willing himself to not come right there and then.
Despite the seconds that pass before Jungkook finally works up the courage to meet the older man’s eyes, he still feels like his heart is being squeezed in his chest.
Because despite Jimin having Jungkook’s cock in his mouth, sucking like he would a lollipop, he looks up at the younger man, eyes unbelievably soft and intimate. Almost like he’s trying to memorize the flutter in Jungkook’s lashes and the hitch in his breath. Jungkook’s mouth opens, closes. He has no words. Even if he did it would’ve been pointless. He moans.
He tries to listen to Jimin’s request, he really does, even as Jimin keeps his eyes locked on him as he swallows down his cock. Jungkook finds it hard, though, and his eyes flutter every now, and then threatening to close at the pleasure.
Jimin’s mouth is warm and so, so wet. He knows exactly what Jungkook likes and how he likes it, and it seems like he’s pulling out all the stops. There’s saliva slipping past the corner of his lips. Jungkook’s hand tightens in his hair the longer he keeps it up.
“J-Jimin, hyung—“
Jimin pulls off of his cock briefly, having the audacity to smirk up at him. “You taste good.”
Jungkook swallows, hips thrusting into Jimin’s hand as the heat builds. “You’re gonna — gonna make me come,” he manages.
Jimin tilts his head cutely, hand never slowing. “Isn’t that what you want?”
Jungkook shakes his head almost desperately. “Let me fuck you, hyung. Please.”
Jimin lets out a sultry kind of giggle, still mouthing at his slick cock. He doesn’t have any intention of stopping. The realization hits Jungkook like a truck when Jimin swallows him down again.
It’s purposeful, the noises he makes, the more of Jungkook he takes into his mouth. He isn’t even using his hands. Jungkook starts trembling, stomach tensing with anticipation. Jimin meets his eyes again, plump lips red and swollen around the base of his cock and he moans, lashes fluttering.
In the dim light of Jungkook’s living room, Jimin’s eyes sparkle with questions. Is it good? Am I good? More, Jungkookie, more?
Jungkook watches silently, dazed and eyes wide. More. Please. More.
Jungkook brushes the hair out of Jimin’s eyes, pulling gently, and the other man lets himself be led back up. Just until his lips are suckling at the tip, tongue teasing the slit. His stomach is in knots, waiting to unravel the more Jimin keeps at it. He’s sucking at him lazily, like they have all the time in the world, and it makes his stomach clench with need.
Jungkook feels the dam burst when Jimin brings one of his hands to the base of his cock, slapping the tip of it on his tongue. His eyes are half lidded, dark and filled with desire as he looks up at the younger man. Like a kitten waiting for milk.
He feels himself tremble, thighs shaking in Jimin’s hold as he comes. His eyes shut and his mouth drops open. He thinks he hears himself whimper pathetically the more Jimin swallows around him, but everything turns into white noise as he comes down.
Jimin lazily swallows his load, making his way up so he’s sitting on Jungkook's lap. He has a bottle of lube in one hand, and the younger man wonders for a brief moment where he had gotten that from. He wordlessly passes it to Jungkook who wastes no time in slicking up his fingers. He makes sure to rub them together before reaching behind Jimin, one hand spreading him while the other fingers his hole.
He’s overly sensitive tonight, Jungkook notices. Although he can’t blame him. Emotions are high, a lot of unsaid words and unspoken feelings in the air that they hide with their touches and kisses.
The first finger that Jungkook slides into Jimin has him whining breathlessly against his lips. Jungkook has always been greedy when it comes to Jimin, and it shows in the way he swallows his sounds, keeps them for himself.
He’s met with little resistance as he pushes a second finger against Jimin’s rim. Jimin’s eyes flutter open to look at Jungkook and although they are tear rimmed and red, Jungkook thinks he looks beautiful.
He takes his time opening Jimin up. He alternates between thrusting his fingers into his hole and scissoring them inside to open him quicker. Jimin takes it beautifully. At one point he even starts pushing his hips back, fucking himself on Jungkook’s fingers.
Jungkook teases him by brushing a finger against his prostate and moving it away the next second. The third time he does it, Jimin starts trembling, plump pink lips dropped open as he moans brokenly.
“E-Enough,” Jimin stutters, attempting to lift himself off of Jungkook’s fingers, but he just follows Jimin wherever he moves. He’s greedy, wants Jimin’s come just as much as the older man wanted his. “Jungkookie—“ Jimin tries, thighs quivering on either side of his hips. His mouth continues to open and close as Jungkook abuses prostate.
The whole time, Jungkook is silent. Whether it’s because he’s in awe, like he so often is when Jimin gives himself over to him like this, or it’s because words wouldn’t be enough to convey his true feelings — he doesn’t know. He’s in tune with every reaction Jimin makes, every twitch of his muscles, every broken moan. He sees it and wants more.
Jimin’s fingers desperately thread themselves in Jungkook’s hair, pulling his head back roughly. Jungkook goes easily, lips parting when Jimin moves like he’s about to kiss him. He doesn’t, but he stays close so he can taste his shuddering breaths as he brings him closer to the edge.
“Hah—“ Jimin shudders, hole clenching tightly around his fingers. “Please.”
Jungkook wants to tease him, maybe make him beg, but his cock is throbbing and his heart is breaking in his chest. He slowly removes his fingers from Jimin’s hole, stomach clenching when Jimin whines in protest. The blunt head of his cock replaces his fingers at Jimin’s hole. Jimin’s fingers are still threaded through his hair, holding his head back as Jungkook slaps the tip of his cock against his rim.
Biting his bottom lip, Jimin wordlessly stares Jungkook down until he pushes past the tight ring of muscle — only then do his eyes flutter shut again.
It always makes his head spin, entering Jimin for the first time. It’s tight and wet. Warm, throbbing. His mind blanks, hands gripping the soft skin of Jimin’s hips as he settles down on his lap, full. The breath Jimin lets out shows he’s just as overwhelmed as Jungkook feels, if not more.
They don’t speak, but they don’t have to. Jungkook can see all of the emotions Jimin tries to hide in his eyes. He has always been an open book while the younger man remained shut down and harder to read. Jimin’s eyes are filled with an unspoken emotion that Jungkook knows really well because he feels it in his chest, too.
He’s grateful when Jimin starts rolling his hips. The words were at the tip of his tongue, and the last thing he wants to do at this moment is drive Jimin further away emotionally. Or make him hurt more than he already is.
Jimin works himself slowly over Jungkook’s cock, hole clenching whenever he reaches the hilt. Jungkook bites down on his own bottom lip, the piercing there pinching him a bit. He doesn’t realize how tightly he’s gripping Jimin’s hips until the older man gasps, head finding solace in his neck. He’s whimpering when Jungkook’s hands start wandering.
He’s warm to the touch, body seeming to light up further the more Jungkook touches. Now that he’s started and Jimin is licking up his neck, crying out softly — he can’t stop. Not when the heat in his own stomach is building up from arousal.
The next time Jimin grinds his hips down, Jungkook meets his thrust, thighs slapping against his ass. He feels more than hears Jimin’s moan with his head still being tucked in his neck, but he has a one track mind, his only goal being to bring them both over the edge.
Jimin had asked to have him for one more night. That’s what he was gonna do.
Jungkook grips his ass, hips driving up until all that echoes in his small living room is skin slapping against skin along with lilting moans. He can’t help himself and presses his own lips to Jimin’s neck. The moment he does it, Jimin’s walls tighten around him. His skin always tastes good to Jungkook, arousal making him heady as he sucks a mark into his neck. Jimin might not do well with permanence, but the temporary kind may not be so bad.
“J-Jungkookie—“ Jimin whimpers, head thrown back. Jungkook smirks at the fact that he cracked first. “Oh, oh—“
“Yeah?” He breathes against his lips, allowing his head to be pulled back. “Like that, hyung?” He rolls his hips up, keeping them tight against Jimin’s ass as he circles them afterwards.
Jimin nods, swallowing loud enough for Jungkook to hear it. His eyes are shut tight and he can feel Jimin’s hole clenching around him the more he rolls his hips. His thighs have started quivering, only being held up by Jungkook’s grip on his ass.
The younger man groans, one hand sliding up Jimin’s tiny little body until he has a hold of his neck. Being so far gone, Jimin brings his fingers into his mouth, moaning around his mouth full.
His hips stutter and he can feel his cock throb inside of Jimin the longer he keeps his fingers in his mouth. His eyes are open now, staring at Jungkook as if he’s daring him to come, daring him to let go.
“Jimin—“
Jimin hums, releasing his fingers. He sounds put together, but Jungkook sees the flush on his cheeks, the shudders that run through his body. “Come on, Jungkookie.” He wraps his arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly close. “Let go.”
Jungkook feels his chest expand and in an attempt to swallow down the words he really wants to say, he pulls Jimin down to kiss him as his hips stutter. He thrusts three more times, with Jimin biting down harshly on his lips on the second he comes, feeling the knot unravel in his stomach as his mind blanks for the second time that night.
He feels the way Jimin cradles him against his chest as he comes down, chest heaving. There’s a wetness in his eyes that has appeared, and Jungkook is only half surprised by it.
The silence is heavy in the room and eventually, Jimin lifts his hips up to allow Jungkook to slide out of him — the sound deafening in the quiet space. The both of them sit there for what feels like hours, but it’s only been mere minutes. Jimin’s hand is running through his sweaty hair while Jungkook’s are still gripping him tightly. Like he’s afraid to let go.
Jimin breaks the silence first and when he does, his voice sounds far away, devastated. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out between us.” Jungkook takes a sharp intake of breath, eyes burning. “There’s a part of me that will always love you.”
Even if he knew what to say, it would be pointless. He just grips Jimin tighter, a few tears escaping his closed eyes.
The next morning, Jungkook wakes up sore and feeling like he’s in a fever dream.
He keeps his eyes closed for a bit, scared to face the painful reality he knows awaits him. Jimin’s scent is still in the air, but the couch is significantly less heavier than it was when he fell asleep. He’s also colder, all body heat gone from him.
Jungkook’s eyes sting when he opens them. It’s cloudy, no sun in sight. He almost laughs at the irony. He’s sure he would’ve, if he physically didn’t feel his heart breaking in his chest.
If he thinks hard enough, he can still feel Jimin’s lips against his.
The bag Jimin brought over is still where he had dropped it yesterday. But there’s a necklace on his table he knows he didn’t leave there. He reaches over for it, heart in his throat when he realizes it’s the ring he had given Jimin a couple of years back. He remembers thinking about it briefly yesterday. He thought he didn’t even have it anymore.
But there it is, in his hands, with the chain still warm like it was kept somewhere safe and sound.
Only then does Jungkook freely let the tears fall as reality hits him. All the memories, their promises to each other, the things they shared. It’s painful, gut wrenching and he would never wish this pain on his worst enemy.
There’s a part of me that will always love you, too.