Work Text:
Bobby was doing his normal rounds of the fire station, they were nearing the end of their shift, and he wanted the station to look acceptable for B shift. He had already wiped down the kitchen side and thrown away there long forgotten lunch that they never got the chance to eat, he had cleared the locker room of empty breakfast bars and non-substantial snacks from there small breaks in between calls from their basically nonstop day, he checked the shower room and made sure the towels where all hung up and drying properly, he quickly scanned the bathroom making sure the floor was dry and that all the taps where turned off, someone was in the bathroom stall but that was normal as they were operational bathrooms after all. He made his way towards the kitchen to fill in the check list of what they still had in storage there.
Chimney, Hen and Eddie where all sitting in the lounge area near the kitchen, they were all playing some sort of board game and you could tell Chimney was losing based by the expression plastered to his face, the only person missing was Buck who was usually the centre of room chatting mindlessly about some random facts from his midnight scrolls the night before.
After Bobby had finished the checklist, he went to see where Buck was, he scanned the bunks, and he wasn’t there so then he went to the shower room which was also empty he checked the bathroom, and the same stall was locked from when he did his checks earlier. This seemed suspicious because normally the firefighters especially those on A shift were speedy in the toilets due to the constant calls that seem to always haunt their shifts, since this was so strange Bobby knocked on the door checking if whoever was in there was okay.
He knocked and got no response he knocked again and still no response. Strange. The only noise Bobby could hear past the ringing in his ears was an occasional dripping from the showers next door the noise echoing in the silence between Bobby and the person on the other side of the door. “if I get no response in the next minute then I am opening this door.” Bobby stated his voice strong and steady like anyone would expect the fire captains voice to sound.
As if his words were the magic password, the bathroom door swung open almost knocking Bobby out. After shaking away the shock of a seemingly violent door Bobby looked up only to make eye contact wit Buck, Bucks eyes were clearly stressed his whole body quivering slightly, the shakes highlighted by the bright lights that adorn the rooms ceiling, as if the spotlight was placed on Buck and his trembling form.
Then Bobby eyes were drawn to Bucks arm where a dark red liquid was slowly dripping down his arm the sound now accompanying the drip from the ceiling the noises creating a symphony of sound in the otherwise silent space between the two men. Dread clawed its way up Bobbys throat what had happened to Buck was it something during a call that HE had missed but then his eyes drifted from Bucks arm and towards the box of razor-head replacements. Both men drew in a breath Bobbys head immediately filling with thoughts of what he missed if he was the one who made Buck feel inclined to do this, what signs had he, DAMN IT he was fucking trained in spotting this sort of thing and to miss it in one of his workmates, especially Buck his almost pseudo son. “Bobby...I.” Buck said his voice sounding weak, his words sounding like an injured animal speaking to its parent. Despite Buck being a 33-year-old man his words and the way he was presenting himself made him seem more like a small shaking, scared child in the moment.
“Buck why? Why would you do this to yourself.” Bobbys voice sounded less authoritative this time, his breathtaking a slight hitch as his eyes focused back in on the fresh cut raining down almost the entirety of Bucks forearm, which was still bleeding profusely. The one hopeful thought that Bobby could focus on in his mind was that the wound looked too long for a self-inflicted wound but then again nothing else could explain away the razor blades that lay dormant on the stall floor or the discarded bloody blade that lay away from the box of blades as if it was alienated. “Bobby, I didn’t …. I dint cut myself.” Bucks voice sounded so different he sounded small like he’d just finished a call that had lasted all shift, rather than his usual flamboyant voice that fills the room. Bucks voice currently was just slowly bouncing around the edges of the space between Bobby and Buck made the space between them seem even bigger than it already felt.
“your off full duty until your clear by one of the department issued psychiatrists.” Bobbys voice had gone back to the do as I say not as I do voice that he usually only saves for calls not wanting to seem as serious at the station. Bobbys hear ached speaking to Buck in the tone especially in this predicament with the seemingly endless space between them growing without either off them moving. Bobbys body seemed to move on its own he took his pseudo sons arm in his hands dragging him to the bathroom to get to the bandages his head moving faster than he could will his body to move. Bobbys wrapped Bucks arm with bandage after bandage after bandage after the third one the bleeding had almost stopped much to Bobbys pleasure, he hadn’t wanted to use a torniquet and potentially risked the lose of Bucks arm leading to Buck then being unfit to be firefighter, but that didn’t happen so no need to go down that rabbit hole.
“Bobby …. I didn’t do this on purpose.” Buck mumbled the words barely whispering out off his mouth, Bobby having to slightly turn his head to hear the words leaving Bucks lips. “Buck don’t bother lying to me this is clearly self-inflicted there is a bloody razor blade on the floor.” Bobby voice had switched back to its soft tone the tone he used at the station when around A shift, however there was an undertone to his words why would Buck bother lying, red hot anger.
“I … I was going to .. but when I picked up the razor it all felt wrong, but my hands were shaking, and I dropped the blade.” There were tears in both of their eyes threating to break loose. Buck voice sounded strained, and tired.
“I’m sorry Buck, I didn’t know you should have said when you first opened the stall door.” Bobbys just sounded empty his voice raked dry from the events of the day lacking the personality that normally accompanies hies voice. “I … didn’t want to hurt you, you’re a very important person in my life one of the most important I don’t know what I’d do if anything were to happen to you, especially if it was because of my own actions.” Bucks voice was barley there scratched and desperate as if he felt as though his words needed to be drank and believed completely by Bobby. “I love you kid, the team’s going to need you so if you ever feel that way ever again then you can talk to any of us.”